Chapter 12
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"You're... gonna die too? ...." I couldn't think straight. There were many things that I couldn't understand. Like what was lifestream and why would anyone do such horrible thing like cutting his one wing. I was shaken by what he had said to me. Those memories of my sister in hospital taking her last breath flashed in my mind. It was terrifying.
"Well I don't have any answer to that question."
"But you just said..."
"I was telling you why I've only one black wing."
"But..."
He turned to change his position as to lay comfortably on his back and placed his left hand over mine. He could see I was frightened, somehow with his third eye. He gripped my hand a slight and it felt soothing. Like the music coming out of the flute. Like the sunshine falling on your skin in winters. Like the sight of nature that captivates you and you forget to open your eyes. It was something like that. One of those things I fail to explain.
"I'm kind of different. I don't know why though. My wing turned dead black one year after that incident. Neither I've seen, nor I've read in history that anyone stayed alive after their wing turned black. I should have been dead by now but I'm still alive, and talking to you." I was relieved after hearing that.
"You're special."
"Perhaps." he smiled looking at the wall this time. That look on his face showed that he remembered something. I do laugh sometimes, remembering Lucy and my parents too.
"So how come you wear this white scarf if you like black that much?" I had so much to ask him.
"It was a gift from a friend." and his smile widened, almost reaching his ears. I was glad he had friends too even though they call him with horrible names.
"I guess that person must be really special to you."
"Yeah she is." His eyes were closed but I noticed him blush. His face turned a little red.
'She'. I was thinking it was a guy that gifted him that scarf. A girl didn't even pop in my mind. I was kind of taken aback. A little hate, a little anxiousness, a little pain, a little sadness. Those little things mixed and filled themselves inside my heart. It was not like I 'hated' hated her. It was like 'didn't like' hated her. I wondered if it was jealousy I was feeling. That feeling was kind of new to me.
I thought he considered only me special the way he referred to me as angel but the thought that he could call someone else by similar things was too much for me. I couldn't take it. Idiot, dufes, stupid. I wanted to call him all those things but I couldn't. My mind echoed with them though.
"So who is she?" what the hell was going in my mind that I asked about her. I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to listen him say any of the stuff.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you for now." I was happy that he didn't start it. My inner self did a happy dance even though I'm bad at dancing. No one saw so it was cool. I hoped my happiness didn't form a smile on my face. His eyes were closed so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
"I joined the defence core after my wing was cut." he spoke. It was the first time he was saying something without me asking. "It was purely out of revenge. I was blinded by rage. They took me in without any question after they saw my one wing. That moment, I was sure I would die soon. I decided to take as many of those devils with me as I could. It was for defence unit but I was kind of rogue assault soldier. I hunted them down. I killed as many of them I could. I killed and I killed and... I killed..." His eyes were open, away from me, looking at ceiling. I saw sadness in his eyes and a lot of it. Have you ever seen the eyes of the victim who was tortured, humiliated, broken. They were the same. I could see how much he have suffered. It was hard to believe he did all those stuff he said. all I was right all along.
"We are supposed to look after others, after our friends from the other world because we have this power. We are supposed to show them right way and help them. But I just gave in to my dark desires. I guess that was my fall. Mother judged me for my wrath." his right hand moved, trying to reach out, perhaps trying to point out that he fell from there. "And this exilation is must be my punishment. If eden considers this a sin and exiles me, I don't care."
It's was so mysterious. I had seen only sweetness and warm innocence in his soul. He wasn't faking any of that. Whenever I saw him smile, I saw only light. I felt happy inside. I guess his smile was so bright is that because he knew what sadness feels like. Because his heart have pain he had kept away from the rest of the world.
I wished I could help him somehow in carrying this pain of his.
I reached for his hand that was still hovering in mid air as he looked upon it. My fingers curled around his as I gripped his hand and took it down.
"It's not a sin black." he didn't reply back. Perhaps thinking of me as a liar.
"When someone loses something precious to them, they break. I know it because I broke too when I had to watch everyone in my family get buried. My heart broke. I would have done anything to have them back with me. You did what you could have to calm yourself too."
He didn't say anything. Instead his left hand came out of covers and tried to cover his eyes. But that trail of the tears born in his eyes and falling on the pillow wasn't unnoticed to me.
Poor little angel.
"You know, you are more angelic than anyone I've ever seen." he spoke slowly. It was a funny statement. A normal human girl more angelic than angels. It was like saying lizards can be more humane than humans. I know he was just being generous but that was a huge complement for me. I couldn't help but smile.
"You haven't changed." he said. I guessed he was referring to the time when we were kids. Gosh he never stops teasing me. I did say it was ok before but I was still curious about what happend back then. Dummy.
"Huh" perhaps I spoke that loud. But it's all good. He didn't hear it.
"So I kind of understand why you fell. You were forced out even though it wasn't your fault. But how come others fell too with you?" I tried to change the topic.
"What are you talking about?" he removed his hand. I could see faint white line of salt on his face formed by dried up tears. He was surprised when he heard it.
"You're not the only one that fell. I saw other angels falling too. They fell all over the earth."
"That can't be possible. The Judgement always works on one individual at one time. There is no way all could be exiled at once. Are you sure you saw them?"
"Yeah. Didn't I tell you you look unlike others," he seemed clueless at first wondering why I repeated my statement. His mind was too dense for his own good." Unlike others" I repeated slowly to give his poor brain enough time to process it.
"I thought you were saying that based on assumptions." he finally understood. I was glad.
"No I wasn't. I saw like three more with my eyes and many more in videos."
I saw my laptop lying on the table. I grabbed it and turned it on to show him the proof. I knew the debated would still be going on. You don't see falling angels everyday. And I was right. There were many controversies. People with different thoughts were still clashing and debating. Some said that it was the end of the world. Some said that angels have come to cleanse this world of bad things. Some said more angels have fallen like satan. The governments said it was all a hologram they tried. Such liars. But I guess they had to do it to prevent chaos. I wondered how many more lies they had told us before just to prevent chaos.
He looked carefully. Trying to make some sense out of it. Just then those videos of falling black winged angel that everyone referred to as monster started to feature. I tried to switch it off quickly. He should hear such stuff about himself. But he held my hand. He wanted to see it through. Monster that girl said again. My blood boiled, yet again.
"Nothing has changed I guess. Humans are so similar to angels." he said to me after the video ended.
"What do you mean?"
"That is the name I didn't tell you before. It's my favourite one. Monster." his eyes said something else. He spoke so many lies even when he knows his eyes can't keep up. I could see he got hurt every time he heard that. Always trying to hide his feelings, behind a mask of smile. He was strong. Very strong indeed. If it were me, I would probably have tried to beat the crap out of whoever used it as my name.
He should learn not to do such things. I guess that wasn't his fault. The world is cruel. If you want to survive, you've to be like a rock. If you're soft as a flower, you'll get trampled upon. But sometimes, for once in months or years you should be weak too. Being weak is what makes us humans because then we know why we need to be strong. I wondered if that rule doesn't apply to angels.
"You shouldn't hide it. Whatever they might say, you're not a monster."
"Well I'm more monstrous than anyone else out there."
"You're not." I protested again.
"I am." stubborn kid didn't agree. I liked that innocent twin of this stubborn kid more.
I slapped him, lightly though. He was asking for it. He looked at me with plain gaze. I guessed he was angry. But he instead just gave me a wide smile before I could say sorry. There was something wrong with his head. You don't smile when someone slaps you. Crazy guy.
"Thanks. I really needed that." I didn't understand what he said. Well it prevented me from saying sorry. So it was good from my side.
He was lost in his thoughts after that. His eyes were closed. I just sat there in silence even though I wanted to disturb him with my questions.
"Can you give me your phone?" he asked after a few moments.
"Yeah but why?"
"I need to make a call."
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"You're... gonna die too? ...." I couldn't think straight. There were many things that I couldn't understand. Like what was lifestream and why would anyone do such horrible thing like cutting his one wing. I was shaken by what he had said to me. Those memories of my sister in hospital taking her last breath flashed in my mind. It was terrifying.
"Well I don't have any answer to that question."
"But you just said..."
"I was telling you why I've only one black wing."
"But..."
He turned to change his position as to lay comfortably on his back and placed his left hand over mine. He could see I was frightened, somehow with his third eye. He gripped my hand a slight and it felt soothing. Like the music coming out of the flute. Like the sunshine falling on your skin in winters. Like the sight of nature that captivates you and you forget to open your eyes. It was something like that. One of those things I fail to explain.
"I'm kind of different. I don't know why though. My wing turned dead black one year after that incident. Neither I've seen, nor I've read in history that anyone stayed alive after their wing turned black. I should have been dead by now but I'm still alive, and talking to you." I was relieved after hearing that.
"You're special."
"Perhaps." he smiled looking at the wall this time. That look on his face showed that he remembered something. I do laugh sometimes, remembering Lucy and my parents too.
"So how come you wear this white scarf if you like black that much?" I had so much to ask him.
"It was a gift from a friend." and his smile widened, almost reaching his ears. I was glad he had friends too even though they call him with horrible names.
"I guess that person must be really special to you."
"Yeah she is." His eyes were closed but I noticed him blush. His face turned a little red.
'She'. I was thinking it was a guy that gifted him that scarf. A girl didn't even pop in my mind. I was kind of taken aback. A little hate, a little anxiousness, a little pain, a little sadness. Those little things mixed and filled themselves inside my heart. It was not like I 'hated' hated her. It was like 'didn't like' hated her. I wondered if it was jealousy I was feeling. That feeling was kind of new to me.
I thought he considered only me special the way he referred to me as angel but the thought that he could call someone else by similar things was too much for me. I couldn't take it. Idiot, dufes, stupid. I wanted to call him all those things but I couldn't. My mind echoed with them though.
"So who is she?" what the hell was going in my mind that I asked about her. I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to listen him say any of the stuff.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you for now." I was happy that he didn't start it. My inner self did a happy dance even though I'm bad at dancing. No one saw so it was cool. I hoped my happiness didn't form a smile on my face. His eyes were closed so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
"I joined the defence core after my wing was cut." he spoke. It was the first time he was saying something without me asking. "It was purely out of revenge. I was blinded by rage. They took me in without any question after they saw my one wing. That moment, I was sure I would die soon. I decided to take as many of those devils with me as I could. It was for defence unit but I was kind of rogue assault soldier. I hunted them down. I killed as many of them I could. I killed and I killed and... I killed..." His eyes were open, away from me, looking at ceiling. I saw sadness in his eyes and a lot of it. Have you ever seen the eyes of the victim who was tortured, humiliated, broken. They were the same. I could see how much he have suffered. It was hard to believe he did all those stuff he said. all I was right all along.
"We are supposed to look after others, after our friends from the other world because we have this power. We are supposed to show them right way and help them. But I just gave in to my dark desires. I guess that was my fall. Mother judged me for my wrath." his right hand moved, trying to reach out, perhaps trying to point out that he fell from there. "And this exilation is must be my punishment. If eden considers this a sin and exiles me, I don't care."
It's was so mysterious. I had seen only sweetness and warm innocence in his soul. He wasn't faking any of that. Whenever I saw him smile, I saw only light. I felt happy inside. I guess his smile was so bright is that because he knew what sadness feels like. Because his heart have pain he had kept away from the rest of the world.
I wished I could help him somehow in carrying this pain of his.
I reached for his hand that was still hovering in mid air as he looked upon it. My fingers curled around his as I gripped his hand and took it down.
"It's not a sin black." he didn't reply back. Perhaps thinking of me as a liar.
"When someone loses something precious to them, they break. I know it because I broke too when I had to watch everyone in my family get buried. My heart broke. I would have done anything to have them back with me. You did what you could have to calm yourself too."
He didn't say anything. Instead his left hand came out of covers and tried to cover his eyes. But that trail of the tears born in his eyes and falling on the pillow wasn't unnoticed to me.
Poor little angel.
"You know, you are more angelic than anyone I've ever seen." he spoke slowly. It was a funny statement. A normal human girl more angelic than angels. It was like saying lizards can be more humane than humans. I know he was just being generous but that was a huge complement for me. I couldn't help but smile.
"You haven't changed." he said. I guessed he was referring to the time when we were kids. Gosh he never stops teasing me. I did say it was ok before but I was still curious about what happend back then. Dummy.
"Huh" perhaps I spoke that loud. But it's all good. He didn't hear it.
"So I kind of understand why you fell. You were forced out even though it wasn't your fault. But how come others fell too with you?" I tried to change the topic.
"What are you talking about?" he removed his hand. I could see faint white line of salt on his face formed by dried up tears. He was surprised when he heard it.
"You're not the only one that fell. I saw other angels falling too. They fell all over the earth."
"That can't be possible. The Judgement always works on one individual at one time. There is no way all could be exiled at once. Are you sure you saw them?"
"Yeah. Didn't I tell you you look unlike others," he seemed clueless at first wondering why I repeated my statement. His mind was too dense for his own good." Unlike others" I repeated slowly to give his poor brain enough time to process it.
"I thought you were saying that based on assumptions." he finally understood. I was glad.
"No I wasn't. I saw like three more with my eyes and many more in videos."
I saw my laptop lying on the table. I grabbed it and turned it on to show him the proof. I knew the debated would still be going on. You don't see falling angels everyday. And I was right. There were many controversies. People with different thoughts were still clashing and debating. Some said that it was the end of the world. Some said that angels have come to cleanse this world of bad things. Some said more angels have fallen like satan. The governments said it was all a hologram they tried. Such liars. But I guess they had to do it to prevent chaos. I wondered how many more lies they had told us before just to prevent chaos.
He looked carefully. Trying to make some sense out of it. Just then those videos of falling black winged angel that everyone referred to as monster started to feature. I tried to switch it off quickly. He should hear such stuff about himself. But he held my hand. He wanted to see it through. Monster that girl said again. My blood boiled, yet again.
"Nothing has changed I guess. Humans are so similar to angels." he said to me after the video ended.
"What do you mean?"
"That is the name I didn't tell you before. It's my favourite one. Monster." his eyes said something else. He spoke so many lies even when he knows his eyes can't keep up. I could see he got hurt every time he heard that. Always trying to hide his feelings, behind a mask of smile. He was strong. Very strong indeed. If it were me, I would probably have tried to beat the crap out of whoever used it as my name.
He should learn not to do such things. I guess that wasn't his fault. The world is cruel. If you want to survive, you've to be like a rock. If you're soft as a flower, you'll get trampled upon. But sometimes, for once in months or years you should be weak too. Being weak is what makes us humans because then we know why we need to be strong. I wondered if that rule doesn't apply to angels.
"You shouldn't hide it. Whatever they might say, you're not a monster."
"Well I'm more monstrous than anyone else out there."
"You're not." I protested again.
"I am." stubborn kid didn't agree. I liked that innocent twin of this stubborn kid more.
I slapped him, lightly though. He was asking for it. He looked at me with plain gaze. I guessed he was angry. But he instead just gave me a wide smile before I could say sorry. There was something wrong with his head. You don't smile when someone slaps you. Crazy guy.
"Thanks. I really needed that." I didn't understand what he said. Well it prevented me from saying sorry. So it was good from my side.
He was lost in his thoughts after that. His eyes were closed. I just sat there in silence even though I wanted to disturb him with my questions.
"Can you give me your phone?" he asked after a few moments.
"Yeah but why?"
"I need to make a call."
"You're... gonna die too? ...." I couldn't think straight. There were many things that I couldn't understand. Like what was lifestream and why would anyone do such horrible thing like cutting his one wing. I was shaken by what he had said to me. Those memories of my sister in hospital taking her last breath flashed in my mind. It was terrifying."Well I don't have any answer to that question.""But you just said...""I was telling you why I've only one black wing.""But..."He turned to change his position as to lay comfortably on his back and placed his left hand over mine. He could see I was frightened, somehow with his third eye. He gripped my hand a slight and it felt soothing. Like the music coming out of the flute. Like the sunshine falling on your skin in winters. Like the sight of nature that captivates you and you forget to open your eyes. It was something like that. One of those things I fail to explain."I'm kind of different. I don't know why though. My wing turned dead black one year after that incident. Neither I've seen, nor I've read in history that anyone stayed alive after their wing turned black. I should have been dead by now but I'm still alive, and talking to you." I was relieved after hearing that."You're special.""Perhaps." he smiled looking at the wall this time. That look on his face showed that he remembered something. I do laugh sometimes, remembering Lucy and my parents too."So how come you wear this white scarf if you like black that much?" I had so much to ask him."It was a gift from a friend." and his smile widened, almost reaching his ears. I was glad he had friends too even though they call him with horrible names."I guess that person must be really special to you.""Yeah she is." His eyes were closed but I noticed him blush. His face turned a little red.'She'. I was thinking it was a guy that gifted him that scarf. A girl didn't even pop in my mind. I was kind of taken aback. A little hate, a little anxiousness, a little pain, a little sadness. Those little things mixed and filled themselves inside my heart. It was not like I 'hated' hated her. It was like 'didn't like' hated her. I wondered if it was jealousy I was feeling. That feeling was kind of new to me.I thought he considered only me special the way he referred to me as angel but the thought that he could call someone else by similar things was too much for me. I couldn't take it. Idiot, dufes, stupid. I wanted to call him all those things but I couldn't. My mind echoed with them though."So who is she?" what the hell was going in my mind that I asked about her. I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to listen him say any of the stuff."I'm afraid I can't tell you for now." I was happy that he didn't start it. My inner self did a happy dance even though I'm bad at dancing. No one saw so it was cool. I hoped my happiness didn't form a smile on my face. His eyes were closed so it wouldn't have mattered anyway."I joined the defence core after my wing was cut." he spoke. It was the first time he was saying something without me asking. "It was purely out of revenge. I was blinded by rage. They took me in without any question after they saw my one wing. That moment, I was sure I would die soon. I decided to take as many of those devils with me as I could. It was for defence unit but I was kind of rogue assault soldier. I hunted them down. I killed as many of them I could. I killed and I killed and... I killed..." His eyes were open, away from me, looking at ceiling. I saw sadness in his eyes and a lot of it. Have you ever seen the eyes of the victim who was tortured, humiliated, broken. They were the same. I could see how much he have suffered. It was hard to believe he did all those stuff he said. all I was right all along."We are supposed to look after others, after our friends from the other world because we have this power. We are supposed to show them right way and help them. But I just gave in to my dark desires. I guess that was my fall. Mother judged me for my wrath." his right hand moved, trying to reach out, perhaps trying to point out that he fell from there. "And this exilation is must be my punishment. If eden considers this a sin and exiles me, I don't care."It's was so mysterious. I had seen only sweetness and warm innocence in his soul. He wasn't faking any of that. Whenever I saw him smile, I saw only light. I felt happy inside. I guess his smile was so bright is that because he knew what sadness feels like. Because his heart have pain he had kept away from the rest of the world.I wished I could help him somehow in carrying this pain of his.I reached for his hand that was still hovering in mid air as he looked upon it. My fingers curled around his as I gripped his hand and took it down."It's not a sin black." he didn't reply back. Perhaps thinking of me as a liar."When someone loses something precious to them, they break. I know it because I broke too when I had to watch everyone in my family get buried. My heart broke. I would have done anything to have them back with me. You did what you could have to calm yourself too."He didn't say anything. Instead his left hand came out of covers and tried to cover his eyes. But that trail of the tears born in his eyes and falling on the pillow wasn't unnoticed to me.Poor little angel."You know, you are more angelic than anyone I've ever seen." he spoke slowly. It was a funny statement. A normal human girl more angelic than angels. It was like saying lizards can be more humane than humans. I know he was just being generous but that was a huge complement for me. I couldn't help but smile."You haven't changed." he said. I guessed he was referring to the time when we were kids. Gosh he never stops teasing me. I did say it was ok before but I was still curious about what happend back then. Dummy."Huh" perhaps I spoke that loud. But it's all good. He didn't hear it."So I kind of understand why you fell. You were forced out even though it wasn't your fault. But how come others fell too with you?" I tried to change the topic."What are you talking about?" he removed his hand. I could see faint white line of salt on his face formed by dried up tears. He was surprised when he heard it."You're not the only one that fell. I saw other angels falling too. They fell all over the earth.""That can't be possible. The Judgement always works on one individual at one time. There is no way all could be exiled at once. Are you sure you saw them?""Yeah. Didn't I tell you you look unlike others," he seemed clueless at first wondering why I repeated my statement. His mind was too dense for his own good." Unlike others" I repeated slowly to give his poor brain enough time to process it."I thought you were saying that based on assumptions." he finally understood. I was glad."No I wasn't. I saw like three more with my eyes and many more in videos."I saw my laptop lying on the table. I grabbed it and turned it on to show him the proof. I knew the debated would still be going on. You don't see falling angels everyday. And I was right. There were many controversies. People with different thoughts were still clashing and debating. Some said that it was the end of the world. Some said that angels have come to cleanse this world of bad things. Some said more angels have fallen like satan. The governments said it was all a hologram they tried. Such liars. But I guess they had to do it to prevent chaos. I wondered how many more lies they had told us before just to prevent chaos.He looked carefully. Trying to make some sense out of it. Just then those videos of falling black winged angel that everyone referred to as monster started to feature. I tried to switch it off quickly. He should hear such stuff about himself. But he held my hand. He wanted to see it through. Monster that girl said again. My blood boiled, yet again."Nothing has changed I guess. Humans are so similar to angels." he said to me after the video ended."What do you mean?""That is the name I didn't tell you before. It's my favourite one. Monster." his eyes said something else. He spoke so many lies even when he knows his eyes can't keep up. I could see he got hurt every time he heard that. Always trying to hide his feelings, behind a mask of smile. He was strong. Very strong indeed. If it were me, I would probably have tried to beat the crap out of whoever used it as my name.He should learn not to do such things. I guess that wasn't his fault. The world is cruel. If you want to survive, you've to be like a rock. If you're soft as a flower, you'll get trampled upon. But sometimes, for once in months or years you should be weak too. Being weak is what makes us humans because then we know why we need to be strong. I wondered if that rule doesn't apply to angels."You shouldn't hide it. Whatever they might say, you're not a monster.""Well I'm more monstrous than anyone else out there.""You're not." I protested again."I am." stubborn kid didn't agree. I liked that innocent twin of this stubborn kid more.I slapped him, lightly though. He was asking for it. He looked at me with plain gaze. I guessed he was angry. But he instead just gave me a wide smile before I could say sorry. There was something wrong with his head. You don't smile when someone slaps you. Crazy guy."Thanks. I really needed that." I didn't understand what he said. Well it prevented me from saying sorry. So it was good from my side.He was lost in his thoughts after that. His eyes were closed. I just sat there in silence even though I wanted to disturb him with my questions."Can you give me your phone?" he asked after a few moments."Yeah but why?""I need to make a call."
