A distinguished monk who spent many years in Switzerland had returned to give a lecture. Xia Xu was familiar with him, and went over to greet him. As Xia Xu was a Buddhist, the simple greeting extended from a casual conversation to a long discussion.
Mo Beiyu was a smart kid, and liked to have his Uncle Jiang carry him because Uncle Jiang was strong and muscular. Yet, he also liked to play with his little aunt. Hence, Baobei unwillingly sat face to face with Jiang Moxiu. As if that wasn’t enough, she still had to ensure that the little ancestor Mo Beiyu was happy. Her heart was in a frenzy.
Lecturer Jiang was staring at Baobei without blinking. Wasn’t this the future that he envisaged for them? Himself, Baobei, and their children. A family like this, happy and warm.
“I’ll beat you up if you continue looking at me!” She growled fiercely, her head lowered. The girl’s ears were red from embarrassment from his staring.
Lecturer Jiang was in a good mood, and was not affected by her words. If Baobei looked up, she could see his gleaming teeth from his smile.
“Baobei~, do you prefer sons or daughters?”
Baobei frowned at Lecturer Jiang. “Please don’t call my name in this manner. Why would you call my name in such an indecent manner!!”
Lecturer Jiang smiled.
“So do you prefer sons or daughters?”
She grabbed Mo Beiyu’s little hands. The kid didn’t require any attention; he was satisfied as long as someone was playing along with him. He was an easygoing child.
“Daughters”.
“Why?”
“You don’t like daughters?”
“Of course I do”.
She seemed satisfied. “I think that everyone needs to have a daughter. She would have long hair with bangs from young. She’ll wear a small pair of boots in summer to play, and a flower garland on her head. She’ll eat an ice cream in summer, and walk down the flagstone pavements full of fallen leaves in autumn. She’ll have snowball fights in winter, and she’ll get angry when teased, saying that she doesn’t want to play anymore. She’ll wear her hair in braids when she goes to school, learning how to recite the textbooks. … Finally, when she marries, I’ll send her away in tears.”
Lecturer Jiang carefully listened, as he smiled gently at her.
“Alright, a daughter it shall be then”, his voice was light.
But they were sitting so closely that Baobei heard his musing.
Why did this sound so awkward? This should be a conversation topic between a pair of blissful newlyweds!
“Why are we discussing such a topic?” She reached out to carry Mo Beiyu, but Jiang Moxiu pulled the kid away, and she fell into his arms instead.
“Where are you going?” What he meant was, I’m coming with you.
“Give me the kid, I’m bringing Mo Beiyu to the Great Hall.” How obtuse!
“I’m going with you”. He carried the kid on his other arm, and led them into the hall.
Mo Beiyu was the happiest, as he knew they were going to have fun. His arms waved around wildly, and he started saying gibberish in his childish voice.
This was a busy temple; the Great Hall was filled with smoke, and candles laid all around the hall.
Baobei was not a staunch believer, but she still held what she saw with reverence. It was due to Xia Xu that she later too started to familiarise herself with Buddhism, and no longer only went to pray when she accompanied her relatives to the temples.
Baobei put her hands together as she entered the Great Hall. She didn’t wish for anything, as her heart was clear and her mind blank.
This was Mo Beiyu’s first visit to the temple. Looking at the numerous candles around the hall, the child was at a loss initially, but slowly saw the light. He looked at the giant statues in the hall, clapped his small hands and started singing, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you …”
Lecturer Jiang was visibly shocked, while Baobei panicked. The young monks who were tasked with keeping order in the Great Hall were at a loss.
It was Lecturer Jiang who saved the day, as he recovered from his shock, carried the kid and dragged Baobei out of the hall.
Mo Beiyu was still clapping when he left the hall, even though he had stopped singing. He looked confusedly at his Uncle Jiang and Aunt, wondering why they had left when he was still happily singing his song.
Baobei caught her breath and thought back at the situation, then started laughing so hard that she teared.
Xia Xu only returned after spending more than an hour speaking to the distinguished monk.
Lecturer Jiang had asked about the relationship between Xia Xu and the monk when he was making small talk with Baobei. Baobei had ignored him then.
This distinguished monk was actually Xia Xu’s previous love.
This man was born into a Buddhist family, and had been influenced by Buddhism from a young age. He lived frivolously when he was young, but one day, had put everything down to become a monk. What could Xia Xu say? She didn’t lose her love to time, to distance, or to a third party. She lost her love to the Gods. She could only give him up. She turned back helplessly, as tears filled her eyes even as she continued smiling.
Xia Xu had fallen hard for this man. There was a saying that one shouldn’t fall in love when they were in their teens, or this person would become the one you loved most. Xia Xu was truly hurt by this relationship, and her love for him never stopped.
However, what was more important for Xia Xu was always her family. Her parents. Xia Xu had read about this from the author Echo:
I’m willing to stay in my father, mother and husband’s circle of life, and be the last to leave this world.
If I’m to leave first, then I will have to leave all the bitterness to my parents.
Then I won’t be able to die in peace, as I’ve understood love.
And the deeper I love, the deeper my worries and longing will be.
For her family, Xia Xu lived as if she had never been hurt.
That man had once told her, “There are many things that you will find unexpectedly; you won’t get what you forcefully demand; it’s always the unexpected that might give you what you desire. Therefore, you need to have a carefree spirit, take it easy, and move along with the tide. Do not hold a grudge, do not be hasty, excessive, pessimistic, traditional, anxious, proud, materialistic, or self-indulgent.”
When she was twenty, she met Mo San Shao, and her mother favoured him. By the time they were discussing marriage, she wasn’t even certain if she truly loved him. All she knew was that she felt safe with him.
There was once when both of them got drunk. San Shao had said, “All those past promises of everlasting love was nothing more than empty promises after parting amicably”.
That was true. Parting amicably. And allowing those beautiful moments to stay as memories.
Using intoxication as their excuse, they hugged and cried together.
That was Xia Xu’s only recollection of crying over that man.
Slowly, she allowed some people to fade out of her life. A person’s heart was only so big. One might meet many people, but only a handful were worth giving one’s most for. When one loves, then love with all of one’s might. But once it’s past, the love also fades into the past.
That’s why Xia Xu is said to be smart.
It was a man’s fortune to be able to be with a woman like her.
The poet Xu Zhimo might have had numerous relationships, but he was right about something:
When I was young, I was in love with the three words “Take me away”.
Now, I would no longer willfully allow others to take me away.
I’ve learned how to walk on my own.
One should live independently. If there was a suitable partner, to learn to fall in love again slowly. Become each other’s support, love each other. As one fell deeper in love, they would slowly be able to spend their lives together, one step at a time.
Baobei did not know how Xia Xu had felt when she saw that man. But when she saw her sister’s calm and blissful expression, her heart heaved a sigh of relief.
That night, Lecturer Jiang sent Baobei back to school.
Baobei was exceptionally quiet and calm throughout the journey.
The car was parked at her dorm. Baobei sat in the car and made no attempt to get off, while Jiang Moxiu sat by her side quietly.
“Jiang Moxiu”.
He turned to face her.
“I do fancy you, but I don’t feel anything more than that. I’ve been well-protected by my father and Xia Tian, and so I’ve never been able to experience what love feels like. A single person might be free and carefree, but over time, loses direction in her life. It’s not that no one is pursuing her, nor has she lost interest in love. But she’s not used to doing things as a couple, or perhaps, has not met the person who can truly move her heart.”
“I’m a traditional person, and will not put down my dignity to pursue a man. Your recent actions have been annoying me. You haven’t done anything. And that’s the biggest issue. If you like me, then please be a man, and pursue me bravely, so much so that I would not be able to resist your charms. Otherwise, please stay as far away as possible. Don’t waste my time and my feelings.”
“I’ve said my piece. The rest is up to you.”
Jiang Moxiu sat in the car, watching Baobei’s back view. He touched his nose, overjoyed.
He was truly in love with this feisty girl!
Be a man? Pursue her bravely?
[1] Taken from Echo’s (三毛) Never-flower in Never dream (梦里花落知多少)
A distinguished monk who spent many years in Switzerland had returned to give a lecture. Xia Xu was familiar with him, and went over to greet him. As Xia Xu was a Buddhist, the simple greeting extended from a casual conversation to a long discussion.
Mo Beiyu was a smart kid, and liked to have his Uncle Jiang carry him because Uncle Jiang was strong and muscular. Yet, he also liked to play with his little aunt. Hence, Baobei unwillingly sat face to face with Jiang Moxiu. As if that wasn’t enough, she still had to ensure that the little ancestor Mo Beiyu was happy. Her heart was in a frenzy.
Lecturer Jiang was staring at Baobei without blinking. Wasn’t this the future that he envisaged for them? Himself, Baobei, and their children. A family like this, happy and warm.
“I’ll beat you up if you continue looking at me!” She growled fiercely, her head lowered. The girl’s ears were red from embarrassment from his staring.
Lecturer Jiang was in a good mood, and was not affected by her words. If Baobei looked up, she could see his gleaming teeth from his smile.
“Baobei~, do you prefer sons or daughters?”
Baobei frowned at Lecturer Jiang. “Please don’t call my name in this manner. Why would you call my name in such an indecent manner!!”
Lecturer Jiang smiled.
“So do you prefer sons or daughters?”
She grabbed Mo Beiyu’s little hands. The kid didn’t require any attention; he was satisfied as long as someone was playing along with him. He was an easygoing child.
“Daughters”.
“Why?”
“You don’t like daughters?”
“Of course I do”.
She seemed satisfied. “I think that everyone needs to have a daughter. She would have long hair with bangs from young. She’ll wear a small pair of boots in summer to play, and a flower garland on her head. She’ll eat an ice cream in summer, and walk down the flagstone pavements full of fallen leaves in autumn. She’ll have snowball fights in winter, and she’ll get angry when teased, saying that she doesn’t want to play anymore. She’ll wear her hair in braids when she goes to school, learning how to recite the textbooks. … Finally, when she marries, I’ll send her away in tears.”
Lecturer Jiang carefully listened, as he smiled gently at her.
“Alright, a daughter it shall be then”, his voice was light.
But they were sitting so closely that Baobei heard his musing.
Why did this sound so awkward? This should be a conversation topic between a pair of blissful newlyweds!
“Why are we discussing such a topic?” She reached out to carry Mo Beiyu, but Jiang Moxiu pulled the kid away, and she fell into his arms instead.
“Where are you going?” What he meant was, I’m coming with you.
“Give me the kid, I’m bringing Mo Beiyu to the Great Hall.” How obtuse!
“I’m going with you”. He carried the kid on his other arm, and led them into the hall.
Mo Beiyu was the happiest, as he knew they were going to have fun. His arms waved around wildly, and he started saying gibberish in his childish voice.
This was a busy temple; the Great Hall was filled with smoke, and candles laid all around the hall.
Baobei was not a staunch believer, but she still held what she saw with reverence. It was due to Xia Xu that she later too started to familiarise herself with Buddhism, and no longer only went to pray when she accompanied her relatives to the temples.
Baobei put her hands together as she entered the Great Hall. She didn’t wish for anything, as her heart was clear and her mind blank.
This was Mo Beiyu’s first visit to the temple. Looking at the numerous candles around the hall, the child was at a loss initially, but slowly saw the light. He looked at the giant statues in the hall, clapped his small hands and started singing, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you …”
Lecturer Jiang was visibly shocked, while Baobei panicked. The young monks who were tasked with keeping order in the Great Hall were at a loss.
It was Lecturer Jiang who saved the day, as he recovered from his shock, carried the kid and dragged Baobei out of the hall.
Mo Beiyu was still clapping when he left the hall, even though he had stopped singing. He looked confusedly at his Uncle Jiang and Aunt, wondering why they had left when he was still happily singing his song.
Baobei caught her breath and thought back at the situation, then started laughing so hard that she teared.
Xia Xu only returned after spending more than an hour speaking to the distinguished monk.
Lecturer Jiang had asked about the relationship between Xia Xu and the monk when he was making small talk with Baobei. Baobei had ignored him then.
This distinguished monk was actually Xia Xu’s previous love.
This man was born into a Buddhist family, and had been influenced by Buddhism from a young age. He lived frivolously when he was young, but one day, had put everything down to become a monk. What could Xia Xu say? She didn’t lose her love to time, to distance, or to a third party. She lost her love to the Gods. She could only give him up. She turned back helplessly, as tears filled her eyes even as she continued smiling.
Xia Xu had fallen hard for this man. There was a saying that one shouldn’t fall in love when they were in their teens, or this person would become the one you loved most. Xia Xu was truly hurt by this relationship, and her love for him never stopped.
However, what was more important for Xia Xu was always her family. Her parents. Xia Xu had read about this from the author Echo:
I’m willing to stay in my father, mother and husband’s circle of life, and be the last to leave this world.
If I’m to leave first, then I will have to leave all the bitterness to my parents.
Then I won’t be able to die in peace, as I’ve understood love.
And the deeper I love, the deeper my worries and longing will be.
For her family, Xia Xu lived as if she had never been hurt.
That man had once told her, “There are many things that you will find unexpectedly; you won’t get what you forcefully demand; it’s always the unexpected that might give you what you desire. Therefore, you need to have a carefree spirit, take it easy, and move along with the tide. Do not hold a grudge, do not be hasty, excessive, pessimistic, traditional, anxious, proud, materialistic, or self-indulgent.”
When she was twenty, she met Mo San Shao, and her mother favoured him. By the time they were discussing marriage, she wasn’t even certain if she truly loved him. All she knew was that she felt safe with him.
There was once when both of them got drunk. San Shao had said, “All those past promises of everlasting love was nothing more than empty promises after parting amicably”.
That was true. Parting amicably. And allowing those beautiful moments to stay as memories.
Using intoxication as their excuse, they hugged and cried together.
That was Xia Xu’s only recollection of crying over that man.
Slowly, she allowed some people to fade out of her life. A person’s heart was only so big. One might meet many people, but only a handful were worth giving one’s most for. When one loves, then love with all of one’s might. But once it’s past, the love also fades into the past.
That’s why Xia Xu is said to be smart.
It was a man’s fortune to be able to be with a woman like her.
The poet Xu Zhimo might have had numerous relationships, but he was right about something:
When I was young, I was in love with the three words “Take me away”.
Now, I would no longer willfully allow others to take me away.
I’ve learned how to walk on my own.
One should live independently. If there was a suitable partner, to learn to fall in love again slowly. Become each other’s support, love each other. As one fell deeper in love, they would slowly be able to spend their lives together, one step at a time.
Baobei did not know how Xia Xu had felt when she saw that man. But when she saw her sister’s calm and blissful expression, her heart heaved a sigh of relief.
That night, Lecturer Jiang sent Baobei back to school.
Baobei was exceptionally quiet and calm throughout the journey.
The car was parked at her dorm. Baobei sat in the car and made no attempt to get off, while Jiang Moxiu sat by her side quietly.
“Jiang Moxiu”.
He turned to face her.
“I do fancy you, but I don’t feel anything more than that. I’ve been well-protected by my father and Xia Tian, and so I’ve never been able to experience what love feels like. A single person might be free and carefree, but over time, loses direction in her life. It’s not that no one is pursuing her, nor has she lost interest in love. But she’s not used to doing things as a couple, or perhaps, has not met the person who can truly move her heart.”
“I’m a traditional person, and will not put down my dignity to pursue a man. Your recent actions have been annoying me. You haven’t done anything. And that’s the biggest issue. If you like me, then please be a man, and pursue me bravely, so much so that I would not be able to resist your charms. Otherwise, please stay as far away as possible. Don’t waste my time and my feelings.”
“I’ve said my piece. The rest is up to you.”
Jiang Moxiu sat in the car, watching Baobei’s back view. He touched his nose, overjoyed.
He was truly in love with this feisty girl!
Be a man? Pursue her bravely?
[1] Taken from Echo’s (三毛) Never-flower in Never dream (梦里花落知多少)
