Chapter 197
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"...buried underneath this tree."
DX's mind kept repeating Kai Xin's words. He could not help but stare blankly at her as he tried to digest her words. This was out of his expectation and he did not know whether it was a cruel joke made by Kai Xin to throw him off.
"What did you say, Kara? Zi Han is buried under this tree?" asked DX nervously.
When he reached out for her, she took a step back until her back was against the tree.
"Kara?"
She was looking at her shoes as she snapped, "Don't touch me! You want to know so I am telling you."
Unable to face him, she turned around so that she was facing the tree instead. She placed her hand on the tree before she started telling him about Zi Han.
"12 years ago, I killed my own son."
....
12 years ago, as Young Kai Xin was laying down on the cold metal bed in the small operating theatre, she heard the doctor talking to her and turned to face the man.
"Are you sure you would like to go through with this...," asked the doctor as he glanced at his chart board, "...Ms. Chu?"
"Yes, please..." replied Young Kai Xin.
He nodded and did an ultrasound imaging on her. Even though it was his bowl of rice, he always made sure that his patients were completely on board with the idea.
"From the looks of it...You are at least 4 months pregnant."
As she gazed at the image of the fetus on the screen of the ultrasound machine, Young Kai Xin could not stop herself from reaching out unconsciously. However, before she could touch the screen, she heard the doctor said, "It's a boy..."
When she heard him, she immediately stopped herself and pulled her hand back. With her eyes closed tightly, she turned her face away from the machine.
After he placed the ultrasound machine away, the doctor asked for the last time, "Are you sure you want to go through with it, Ms. Chu?"
Young Kai Xin grasped the hospital gown tightly. She looked up into the bright lights on the ceiling while she tried her best not to cry. After a while, she answered in a soft voice, "Y-Yes."
As the doctor told her about the procedure and all the possible complications, Young Kai Xin listened half-heartedly while she kept her eyes on the screen.
"We will begin now..." said the doctor. Young Kai Xin turned to him and she nodded tersely.
He gave her the medicines that would induce uterine contraction before placing her under general anesthesia. As he placed the oxygen mask on her, he said, "Please start counting down from 10, Ms. Chu."
"10...9...8..." Young Kai Xin began to countdown while the doctor prepared his equipment.
"7...6...5...4..." Glancing down at her belly, she placed a hand on it and gently caressed it for the last time.
"3...2....1...." Before she lost her consciousness and with a heavy heart, she apologized, "I'm sorry..."
By the time she woke up, the operation was done and Jane was standing next to her. She was so worried about Young Kai Xin that lines were forming on her forehead.
Young Kai Xin noticed the blood-soaked towel at the basin and asked weakly, "The child..."
Noticing where she was looking at, Jane moved her position so that she could block Young Kai Xin's view. She smiled and patted her best friend's hand "The doctor said you should rest for a while."
Young Kai Xin tried to sit up but when she felt the pain that was emanating from her lower abdomen, she cried out.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...Just slight pain," answered Young Kai Xin as she tried to push herself up.
Young Jane stopped her and said, "Lie back down. The doctor said it would hurt a little when the general anesthesia wears off."
The pain was getting slightly unbearable so Young Kai Xin listened to her and lied back down on the cold metal bed. As she waited for the pain to subside, she placed her hand on her belly and noticed that it was slightly flatter than before.
With a rueful grin, she murmured, "Looks like he's really gone..."
"Kai Xin..." Young Jane looked at her worriedly.
"I'm fine," Young Kai Xin said with a smile but the tears that were slowly rolling down from her eyes told Jane that her best friend was just trying to be brave.
"I can't..." said Young Kai Xin right before a great sob escaped her. Clasping her hands over her mouth, she tried to hide her face away from Young Jane. She was too ashamed to meet her in the eyes.
However, it was hard for her to hide the truth when her body trembled violently as she tried to hold the tears back.
"Kai Xin..."
Young Kai Xin could no longer hold the heartbreak as a flood of uncontrollable tears escaped from their confinement. Gut-wrenching sobs could be heard throughout the room as realization dawned in upon her.
"I've killed my son...I've killed my son..."
Looking at Young Kai Xin who was covering her eyes with her arm while she cried, Young Jane could not help herself. Feeling helpless, she too started crying.
Unable to deal with the pain in her heart, Young Kai Xin cried out loud as she yelled out, "ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Kai Xin!"
Like a madwoman, Young Kai Xin kept banging her fists against her chest as she cried.
Alarmed, Young Jane caught her hands and cried, "Stop it, Kai Xin! Please!"
"Why me?! Why do I have to make this choice?!" Young Kai Xin cried angrily as she banged the back of her head against the bed.
The guilt was making her unable to breathe. She wanted to feel more pain. All she wanted to do was to hurt herself as badly as she hurt her poor innocent child.
Young Jane tried to stop Young Kai Xin from hitting her head but it was futile. The latter was too adamant in punishing herself.
When she realized that she could not stop her, Young Jane started to shout for help.
"SOMEONE! PLEASE HELP!"
When they heard her shouting, the doctor and his assistant immediately rushed in. The two of them managed to hold Young Kai Xin down long enough to give her a shot.
"What are you injecting in her?" asked Young Jane worriedly as she watched the doctor administrating the shot.
"Don't worry! It's a muscle relaxant. It will help her relax for now," answered the doctor as he continued to hold Young Kai Xin down. It was only when he stopped feeling any resistance from her that he released his grips on her.
"She's bleeding! What's happening?" asked Young Jane as she looked in horror at the small pool of blood that was forming on the hospital gown.
The doctor took a swift check and after a minute, he reassured her, "It's normal for abortion at such a late stage. She would be bleeding for a while. After that, she would feel better. If she felt uncomfortable, bring her back here."
Young Kai Xin heard them talking but she was too tired to pay attention to them. The injection had completely drained all her energy away.
Even though she lost the energy to move, her brain was fine and she could still remember what she had done.
When she thought about it, her tears would not stop flowing. She kept her eyes on the ultrasound machine that was unplugged and placed against the wall.
As she stared at the blank screen through blurry eyes, her heart hurt as though someone was gripping it tightly.
"My son...is gone..."
.........
When she was done telling him the entire story, Kai Xin was afraid to look up. She was afraid of seeing the eyes of disdain in him.
How could he ever love someone like her who was capable of killing her own child?
When she was telling him the story, DX had to use all his efforts not to stop her. Throughout the entire time, he was able to hear the pain in her voice. He knew that she was blaming herself.
Staring at her back, he was unsure of what to do. However, when he saw her trembling, it broke his heart. When she hugged herself to make herself looked small, DX closed the distance between them.
Turning her around, he hugged her tightly and whispered, "It's alright...I'm here now..."
Kai Xin sobbed quietly for a while before a loud wail came out of her. As she hit him on the chest repeatedly, she yelled, "Why are you not hating me? You should leave! I'm hideous! I'm a monster! I don't deserve you! Hate -"
DX hugged her even tighter and said, "I would never hate you! You were a child! You were not supposed to be making such a decision at that age!"
"I killed him! I killed him! Hate me! Please hate me!" cried Kai Xin as she cried into his chest.
"Don't think that!" yelled DX. When Kai Xin looked up and stared into his frustrated face, DX lowered his voice and pleaded, "Please don't say that...Please..."
When she heard him, Kai Xin's tears slowed down to a sob as she glanced down at her feet. After a long silence, she said in between quiet sobs, "His name...His name is Zi Han..."
"En." said DX as he placed a protective palm at the back of her head to hold her closer.
Still protected within his embrace, she glanced at the tree from the corner of her eyes as she told him softly, "I named him after that day...The only regret I have in this lifetime [1]."
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"...buried underneath this tree."
DX's mind kept repeating Kai Xin's words. He could not help but stare blankly at her as he tried to digest her words. This was out of his expectation and he did not know whether it was a cruel joke made by Kai Xin to throw him off.
"What did you say, Kara? Zi Han is buried under this tree?" asked DX nervously.
When he reached out for her, she took a step back until her back was against the tree.
"Kara?"
She was looking at her shoes as she snapped, "Don't touch me! You want to know so I am telling you."
Unable to face him, she turned around so that she was facing the tree instead. She placed her hand on the tree before she started telling him about Zi Han.
"12 years ago, I killed my own son."
....
12 years ago, as Young Kai Xin was laying down on the cold metal bed in the small operating theatre, she heard the doctor talking to her and turned to face the man.
"Are you sure you would like to go through with this...," asked the doctor as he glanced at his chart board, "...Ms. Chu?"
"Yes, please..." replied Young Kai Xin.
He nodded and did an ultrasound imaging on her. Even though it was his bowl of rice, he always made sure that his patients were completely on board with the idea.
"From the looks of it...You are at least 4 months pregnant."
As she gazed at the image of the fetus on the screen of the ultrasound machine, Young Kai Xin could not stop herself from reaching out unconsciously. However, before she could touch the screen, she heard the doctor said, "It's a boy..."
When she heard him, she immediately stopped herself and pulled her hand back. With her eyes closed tightly, she turned her face away from the machine.
After he placed the ultrasound machine away, the doctor asked for the last time, "Are you sure you want to go through with it, Ms. Chu?"
Young Kai Xin grasped the hospital gown tightly. She looked up into the bright lights on the ceiling while she tried her best not to cry. After a while, she answered in a soft voice, "Y-Yes."
As the doctor told her about the procedure and all the possible complications, Young Kai Xin listened half-heartedly while she kept her eyes on the screen.
"We will begin now..." said the doctor. Young Kai Xin turned to him and she nodded tersely.
He gave her the medicines that would induce uterine contraction before placing her under general anesthesia. As he placed the oxygen mask on her, he said, "Please start counting down from 10, Ms. Chu."
"10...9...8..." Young Kai Xin began to countdown while the doctor prepared his equipment.
"7...6...5...4..." Glancing down at her belly, she placed a hand on it and gently caressed it for the last time.
"3...2....1...." Before she lost her consciousness and with a heavy heart, she apologized, "I'm sorry..."
By the time she woke up, the operation was done and Jane was standing next to her. She was so worried about Young Kai Xin that lines were forming on her forehead.
Young Kai Xin noticed the blood-soaked towel at the basin and asked weakly, "The child..."
Noticing where she was looking at, Jane moved her position so that she could block Young Kai Xin's view. She smiled and patted her best friend's hand "The doctor said you should rest for a while."
Young Kai Xin tried to sit up but when she felt the pain that was emanating from her lower abdomen, she cried out.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...Just slight pain," answered Young Kai Xin as she tried to push herself up.
Young Jane stopped her and said, "Lie back down. The doctor said it would hurt a little when the general anesthesia wears off."
The pain was getting slightly unbearable so Young Kai Xin listened to her and lied back down on the cold metal bed. As she waited for the pain to subside, she placed her hand on her belly and noticed that it was slightly flatter than before.
With a rueful grin, she murmured, "Looks like he's really gone..."
"Kai Xin..." Young Jane looked at her worriedly.
"I'm fine," Young Kai Xin said with a smile but the tears that were slowly rolling down from her eyes told Jane that her best friend was just trying to be brave.
"I can't..." said Young Kai Xin right before a great sob escaped her. Clasping her hands over her mouth, she tried to hide her face away from Young Jane. She was too ashamed to meet her in the eyes.
However, it was hard for her to hide the truth when her body trembled violently as she tried to hold the tears back.
"Kai Xin..."
Young Kai Xin could no longer hold the heartbreak as a flood of uncontrollable tears escaped from their confinement. Gut-wrenching sobs could be heard throughout the room as realization dawned in upon her.
"I've killed my son...I've killed my son..."
Looking at Young Kai Xin who was covering her eyes with her arm while she cried, Young Jane could not help herself. Feeling helpless, she too started crying.
Unable to deal with the pain in her heart, Young Kai Xin cried out loud as she yelled out, "ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Kai Xin!"
Like a madwoman, Young Kai Xin kept banging her fists against her chest as she cried.
Alarmed, Young Jane caught her hands and cried, "Stop it, Kai Xin! Please!"
"Why me?! Why do I have to make this choice?!" Young Kai Xin cried angrily as she banged the back of her head against the bed.
The guilt was making her unable to breathe. She wanted to feel more pain. All she wanted to do was to hurt herself as badly as she hurt her poor innocent child.
Young Jane tried to stop Young Kai Xin from hitting her head but it was futile. The latter was too adamant in punishing herself.
When she realized that she could not stop her, Young Jane started to shout for help.
"SOMEONE! PLEASE HELP!"
When they heard her shouting, the doctor and his assistant immediately rushed in. The two of them managed to hold Young Kai Xin down long enough to give her a shot.
"What are you injecting in her?" asked Young Jane worriedly as she watched the doctor administrating the shot.
"Don't worry! It's a muscle relaxant. It will help her relax for now," answered the doctor as he continued to hold Young Kai Xin down. It was only when he stopped feeling any resistance from her that he released his grips on her.
"She's bleeding! What's happening?" asked Young Jane as she looked in horror at the small pool of blood that was forming on the hospital gown.
The doctor took a swift check and after a minute, he reassured her, "It's normal for abortion at such a late stage. She would be bleeding for a while. After that, she would feel better. If she felt uncomfortable, bring her back here."
Young Kai Xin heard them talking but she was too tired to pay attention to them. The injection had completely drained all her energy away.
Even though she lost the energy to move, her brain was fine and she could still remember what she had done.
When she thought about it, her tears would not stop flowing. She kept her eyes on the ultrasound machine that was unplugged and placed against the wall.
As she stared at the blank screen through blurry eyes, her heart hurt as though someone was gripping it tightly.
"My son...is gone..."
.........
When she was done telling him the entire story, Kai Xin was afraid to look up. She was afraid of seeing the eyes of disdain in him.
How could he ever love someone like her who was capable of killing her own child?
When she was telling him the story, DX had to use all his efforts not to stop her. Throughout the entire time, he was able to hear the pain in her voice. He knew that she was blaming herself.
Staring at her back, he was unsure of what to do. However, when he saw her trembling, it broke his heart. When she hugged herself to make herself looked small, DX closed the distance between them.
Turning her around, he hugged her tightly and whispered, "It's alright...I'm here now..."
Kai Xin sobbed quietly for a while before a loud wail came out of her. As she hit him on the chest repeatedly, she yelled, "Why are you not hating me? You should leave! I'm hideous! I'm a monster! I don't deserve you! Hate -"
DX hugged her even tighter and said, "I would never hate you! You were a child! You were not supposed to be making such a decision at that age!"
"I killed him! I killed him! Hate me! Please hate me!" cried Kai Xin as she cried into his chest.
"Don't think that!" yelled DX. When Kai Xin looked up and stared into his frustrated face, DX lowered his voice and pleaded, "Please don't say that...Please..."
When she heard him, Kai Xin's tears slowed down to a sob as she glanced down at her feet. After a long silence, she said in between quiet sobs, "His name...His name is Zi Han..."
"En." said DX as he placed a protective palm at the back of her head to hold her closer.
Still protected within his embrace, she glanced at the tree from the corner of her eyes as she told him softly, "I named him after that day...The only regret I have in this lifetime [1]."
"...buried underneath this tree."DX's mind kept repeating Kai Xin's words. He could not help but stare blankly at her as he tried to digest her words. This was out of his expectation and he did not know whether it was a cruel joke made by Kai Xin to throw him off."What did you say, Kara? Zi Han is buried under this tree?" asked DX nervously.When he reached out for her, she took a step back until her back was against the tree. "Kara?" She was looking at her shoes as she snapped, "Don't touch me! You want to know so I am telling you."Unable to face him, she turned around so that she was facing the tree instead. She placed her hand on the tree before she started telling him about Zi Han. "12 years ago, I killed my own son."....12 years ago, as Young Kai Xin was laying down on the cold metal bed in the small operating theatre, she heard the doctor talking to her and turned to face the man. "Are you sure you would like to go through with this...," asked the doctor as he glanced at his chart board, "...Ms. Chu?" "Yes, please..." replied Young Kai Xin. He nodded and did an ultrasound imaging on her. Even though it was his bowl of rice, he always made sure that his patients were completely on board with the idea."From the looks of it...You are at least 4 months pregnant."As she gazed at the image of the fetus on the screen of the ultrasound machine, Young Kai Xin could not stop herself from reaching out unconsciously. However, before she could touch the screen, she heard the doctor said, "It's a boy..." When she heard him, she immediately stopped herself and pulled her hand back. With her eyes closed tightly, she turned her face away from the machine.After he placed the ultrasound machine away, the doctor asked for the last time, "Are you sure you want to go through with it, Ms. Chu?"Young Kai Xin grasped the hospital gown tightly. She looked up into the bright lights on the ceiling while she tried her best not to cry. After a while, she answered in a soft voice, "Y-Yes." As the doctor told her about the procedure and all the possible complications, Young Kai Xin listened half-heartedly while she kept her eyes on the screen. "We will begin now..." said the doctor. Young Kai Xin turned to him and she nodded tersely. He gave her the medicines that would induce uterine contraction before placing her under general anesthesia. As he placed the oxygen mask on her, he said, "Please start counting down from 10, Ms. Chu.""10...9...8..." Young Kai Xin began to countdown while the doctor prepared his equipment. "7...6...5...4..." Glancing down at her belly, she placed a hand on it and gently caressed it for the last time."3...2....1...." Before she lost her consciousness and with a heavy heart, she apologized, "I'm sorry..."By the time she woke up, the operation was done and Jane was standing next to her. She was so worried about Young Kai Xin that lines were forming on her forehead. Young Kai Xin noticed the blood-soaked towel at the basin and asked weakly, "The child..."Noticing where she was looking at, Jane moved her position so that she could block Young Kai Xin's view. She smiled and patted her best friend's hand "The doctor said you should rest for a while."Young Kai Xin tried to sit up but when she felt the pain that was emanating from her lower abdomen, she cried out. "What's wrong?" "Nothing...Just slight pain," answered Young Kai Xin as she tried to push herself up. Young Jane stopped her and said, "Lie back down. The doctor said it would hurt a little when the general anesthesia wears off."The pain was getting slightly unbearable so Young Kai Xin listened to her and lied back down on the cold metal bed. As she waited for the pain to subside, she placed her hand on her belly and noticed that it was slightly flatter than before. With a rueful grin, she murmured, "Looks like he's really gone...""Kai Xin..." Young Jane looked at her worriedly."I'm fine," Young Kai Xin said with a smile but the tears that were slowly rolling down from her eyes told Jane that her best friend was just trying to be brave. "I can't..." said Young Kai Xin right before a great sob escaped her. Clasping her hands over her mouth, she tried to hide her face away from Young Jane. She was too ashamed to meet her in the eyes.However, it was hard for her to hide the truth when her body trembled violently as she tried to hold the tears back. "Kai Xin..."Young Kai Xin could no longer hold the heartbreak as a flood of uncontrollable tears escaped from their confinement. Gut-wrenching sobs could be heard throughout the room as realization dawned in upon her."I've killed my son...I've killed my son..."Looking at Young Kai Xin who was covering her eyes with her arm while she cried, Young Jane could not help herself. Feeling helpless, she too started crying. Unable to deal with the pain in her heart, Young Kai Xin cried out loud as she yelled out, "ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!""Kai Xin!" Like a madwoman, Young Kai Xin kept banging her fists against her chest as she cried. Alarmed, Young Jane caught her hands and cried, "Stop it, Kai Xin! Please!" "Why me?! Why do I have to make this choice?!" Young Kai Xin cried angrily as she banged the back of her head against the bed. The guilt was making her unable to breathe. She wanted to feel more pain. All she wanted to do was to hurt herself as badly as she hurt her poor innocent child.Young Jane tried to stop Young Kai Xin from hitting her head but it was futile. The latter was too adamant in punishing herself. When she realized that she could not stop her, Young Jane started to shout for help. "SOMEONE! PLEASE HELP!" When they heard her shouting, the doctor and his assistant immediately rushed in. The two of them managed to hold Young Kai Xin down long enough to give her a shot."What are you injecting in her?" asked Young Jane worriedly as she watched the doctor administrating the shot. "Don't worry! It's a muscle relaxant. It will help her relax for now," answered the doctor as he continued to hold Young Kai Xin down. It was only when he stopped feeling any resistance from her that he released his grips on her. "She's bleeding! What's happening?" asked Young Jane as she looked in horror at the small pool of blood that was forming on the hospital gown. The doctor took a swift check and after a minute, he reassured her, "It's normal for abortion at such a late stage. She would be bleeding for a while. After that, she would feel better. If she felt uncomfortable, bring her back here."Young Kai Xin heard them talking but she was too tired to pay attention to them. The injection had completely drained all her energy away. Even though she lost the energy to move, her brain was fine and she could still remember what she had done. When she thought about it, her tears would not stop flowing. She kept her eyes on the ultrasound machine that was unplugged and placed against the wall. As she stared at the blank screen through blurry eyes, her heart hurt as though someone was gripping it tightly. "My son...is gone..." .........When she was done telling him the entire story, Kai Xin was afraid to look up. She was afraid of seeing the eyes of disdain in him. How could he ever love someone like her who was capable of killing her own child? When she was telling him the story, DX had to use all his efforts not to stop her. Throughout the entire time, he was able to hear the pain in her voice. He knew that she was blaming herself.Staring at her back, he was unsure of what to do. However, when he saw her trembling, it broke his heart. When she hugged herself to make herself looked small, DX closed the distance between them. Turning her around, he hugged her tightly and whispered, "It's alright...I'm here now..."Kai Xin sobbed quietly for a while before a loud wail came out of her. As she hit him on the chest repeatedly, she yelled, "Why are you not hating me? You should leave! I'm hideous! I'm a monster! I don't deserve you! Hate -"DX hugged her even tighter and said, "I would never hate you! You were a child! You were not supposed to be making such a decision at that age!" "I killed him! I killed him! Hate me! Please hate me!" cried Kai Xin as she cried into his chest."Don't think that!" yelled DX. When Kai Xin looked up and stared into his frustrated face, DX lowered his voice and pleaded, "Please don't say that...Please..."When she heard him, Kai Xin's tears slowed down to a sob as she glanced down at her feet. After a long silence, she said in between quiet sobs, "His name...His name is Zi Han...""En." said DX as he placed a protective palm at the back of her head to hold her closer. Still protected within his embrace, she glanced at the tree from the corner of her eyes as she told him softly, "I named him after that day...The only regret I have in this lifetime 1."
