Chapter 1
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The sunlight beaming through my window reminds me that I'm still alive. Another dreadful day to face, maybe it won't be as bad as last week or maybe I'm just asking for too much like I always do, at least according to dad. Weed, vodka (not the cheap kind) and cocaine are the only things that kee- the phone that I barely even find a need to touch anymore buzzes. ''I've been calling and texting u for days! I need to talk to u'' here I am… recovering from a hangover and forgetting that I have a girlfriend that I've probably been a real jerk to. She's not just some girlfriend, she's the one for me and I'm the one for her no matter how many times dad tells me she's just using me. Just the thought of her thinking about me and worrying about ME gives me butterflies, '' Phone died and had to help dad at the store super sorry princess'' Maybe that will be enough to hide what I was doing last night. Before you think I was cheating, just know that Daisy is my everything and there is no one or nothing that can make me not love her as much as I do. For what seems like forever waiting for her to reply doesn't work out as planned so I try to start my day off with those extra corny meditation stretches that depressed old white people do on YouTube. I'm just buying time until I hear my phone buzz, it's a different type of buzz when I get a text from my princess. I mean I didn't set a totally different tone or anything, but I just know when it's a text from Daisy I just know. 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and I don't hear the buzz I feel like I've waited my whole life to hear. I gaze at myself in my shattered mirror that drunk dad smashed. The pain and restlessness are poured all over my face, the pit of my stomach sends signals through my body for some reason that is very unknown to me. There's lot of racket downstairs interrupting my thoughts, dad? Did mom come back to get the rest of her things? Did someone break in, and is only a few seconds away from entering my room and maybe killing me and taking the things that look worth some money? I make my way downstairs not carrying if it is a burglar, maybe he'll do me a favor and take me out of the game. A 6ft tall brown-haired man stands over the stove dressed in old pants and a red shirt that says ''life is a gift'' in bold on the back. Dad. No empty beer cans lying around, the smell of puke and body odor is no where to be recognized. This is a new version of dad and I'm not sure if I like it or not. Minutes go by and me examining him in every way comes to an end. I reach to grab an apple, moving all the ones that look old and rotten. ''Oh. Hey kiddo… when'd you get down here'' He says, finally noticing me. Not sure if I should get my apple and retreat up to my room or should I engage into this conversation that I know he so badly wants. ''just grabbing an apple. I'm about to head out I'll see u later tonight'' I say without making eye contact trying not to seem interested in talking to him. Why should I… its not like he cares about me or himself for that matter. Since mom left all he can cares about if the liquor store will be open after he gets off work. ''oh…well… ok... I guess... I'll just see you later'' he manages to say as I'm walking up the stairs back to my cave.
Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?
I had to go somewhere even though I didn't know where I would figure it out eventually. DING. My phone goes off and I know its Daisy I can feel it. Meet me at Rosebush park in 10. I need to talk to you. Was she ok? Did she get hurt.... Are we ok? I quickly throw the first decent shirt I see on my bare skin and shoving pants up my legs, grabbing my old Nikes that I've had since the 10th grade and grabbing my car keys, and just like that I'm out the door. Dad starts rushing into my mind, hoping that he's ok inside, hoping that he will finally stop drinking and throwing his life away, hoping that he'll be the father that I've needed so badly. I pull up in the first parking lot I see, immediately looking around for my girl, for my Daisy. I see her red Toyota across from mind. But I still see no Daisy. What was I doing here in the first place, why'd she want me to meet he- ''Scott'' a familiar voice from behind me calls my name and my heart starts to speed up, the air feels like its starting to evaporate from my lungs. Her long blonde curly hair, those big blue eyes staring at me and into my soul my heart and my mind. '' We need to talk'' she says sharply before I even have a chance to say anything, to tell her how beautiful she looks, to tell her how I much I loved her and will always love her. ''Is everything ok? you look great…not just great u look beauti-'' she cuts me off ''Why haven't you been answering my calls and text this week''? she says without looking at me, gosh why won't she look at me. ''I'm sorry babe, I've just been all over the place these last few days and I'm sorry'' which was true, I was sorry a million times over. She moves away from me as I start easing in toward her, as if I'm toxic and deadly. ''Scottie I… we need to… '' she trailed off looking in another direction biting her nails. I reach for her hands, which feel like clouds and cotton mix together, she doesn't embrace my touch like she usually does, she doesn't look at me the same anymore. '' Hey. Dase…what's wrong'' I basically whisper to her, trying to get her to tell me why we're here. My heart skips a beat when she finally makes eye contact with me. No air. No people around us. Just me and her and this moment that I never want to end. ''I can't do this anymore. You and I aren't working out anymore, I'm sorry Scott I tried to make this work but I just… I just can't…anymore.'' Every word that came out her beautiful mouth was like a knife cutting into my heart over and over and over again. '' wha… but I… I thought you…I love you.'' I didn't make sense, everything in trying to fight back the tears from running down my face. ''I'll always love you Scottie but I'm sorry… I have to go'' she makes her way back to her car without looking back to see if I were still there. But guess what? I was still there, and I couldn't move. Every part of my body ached, and I wanted to stop breathing, I wanted to stop everything. She pulls out of the parking lot and left me brokenhearted, finally catching my breathe I walk over to the car. I lay my head on the steering wheel hoping this horrible sadness will go away already. But it didn't and instead of driving home I stayed there and cried until I t felt like I had no more tears left.
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The sunlight beaming through my window reminds me that I'm still alive. Another dreadful day to face, maybe it won't be as bad as last week or maybe I'm just asking for too much like I always do, at least according to dad. Weed, vodka (not the cheap kind) and cocaine are the only things that kee- the phone that I barely even find a need to touch anymore buzzes. ''I've been calling and texting u for days! I need to talk to u'' here I am… recovering from a hangover and forgetting that I have a girlfriend that I've probably been a real jerk to. She's not just some girlfriend, she's the one for me and I'm the one for her no matter how many times dad tells me she's just using me. Just the thought of her thinking about me and worrying about ME gives me butterflies, '' Phone died and had to help dad at the store super sorry princess'' Maybe that will be enough to hide what I was doing last night. Before you think I was cheating, just know that Daisy is my everything and there is no one or nothing that can make me not love her as much as I do. For what seems like forever waiting for her to reply doesn't work out as planned so I try to start my day off with those extra corny meditation stretches that depressed old white people do on YouTube. I'm just buying time until I hear my phone buzz, it's a different type of buzz when I get a text from my princess. I mean I didn't set a totally different tone or anything, but I just know when it's a text from Daisy I just know. 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and I don't hear the buzz I feel like I've waited my whole life to hear. I gaze at myself in my shattered mirror that drunk dad smashed. The pain and restlessness are poured all over my face, the pit of my stomach sends signals through my body for some reason that is very unknown to me. There's lot of racket downstairs interrupting my thoughts, dad? Did mom come back to get the rest of her things? Did someone break in, and is only a few seconds away from entering my room and maybe killing me and taking the things that look worth some money? I make my way downstairs not carrying if it is a burglar, maybe he'll do me a favor and take me out of the game. A 6ft tall brown-haired man stands over the stove dressed in old pants and a red shirt that says ''life is a gift'' in bold on the back. Dad. No empty beer cans lying around, the smell of puke and body odor is no where to be recognized. This is a new version of dad and I'm not sure if I like it or not. Minutes go by and me examining him in every way comes to an end. I reach to grab an apple, moving all the ones that look old and rotten. ''Oh. Hey kiddo… when'd you get down here'' He says, finally noticing me. Not sure if I should get my apple and retreat up to my room or should I engage into this conversation that I know he so badly wants. ''just grabbing an apple. I'm about to head out I'll see u later tonight'' I say without making eye contact trying not to seem interested in talking to him. Why should I… its not like he cares about me or himself for that matter. Since mom left all he can cares about if the liquor store will be open after he gets off work. ''oh…well… ok... I guess... I'll just see you later'' he manages to say as I'm walking up the stairs back to my cave.
Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?
I had to go somewhere even though I didn't know where I would figure it out eventually. DING. My phone goes off and I know its Daisy I can feel it. Meet me at Rosebush park in 10. I need to talk to you. Was she ok? Did she get hurt.... Are we ok? I quickly throw the first decent shirt I see on my bare skin and shoving pants up my legs, grabbing my old Nikes that I've had since the 10th grade and grabbing my car keys, and just like that I'm out the door. Dad starts rushing into my mind, hoping that he's ok inside, hoping that he will finally stop drinking and throwing his life away, hoping that he'll be the father that I've needed so badly. I pull up in the first parking lot I see, immediately looking around for my girl, for my Daisy. I see her red Toyota across from mind. But I still see no Daisy. What was I doing here in the first place, why'd she want me to meet he- ''Scott'' a familiar voice from behind me calls my name and my heart starts to speed up, the air feels like its starting to evaporate from my lungs. Her long blonde curly hair, those big blue eyes staring at me and into my soul my heart and my mind. '' We need to talk'' she says sharply before I even have a chance to say anything, to tell her how beautiful she looks, to tell her how I much I loved her and will always love her. ''Is everything ok? you look great…not just great u look beauti-'' she cuts me off ''Why haven't you been answering my calls and text this week''? she says without looking at me, gosh why won't she look at me. ''I'm sorry babe, I've just been all over the place these last few days and I'm sorry'' which was true, I was sorry a million times over. She moves away from me as I start easing in toward her, as if I'm toxic and deadly. ''Scottie I… we need to… '' she trailed off looking in another direction biting her nails. I reach for her hands, which feel like clouds and cotton mix together, she doesn't embrace my touch like she usually does, she doesn't look at me the same anymore. '' Hey. Dase…what's wrong'' I basically whisper to her, trying to get her to tell me why we're here. My heart skips a beat when she finally makes eye contact with me. No air. No people around us. Just me and her and this moment that I never want to end. ''I can't do this anymore. You and I aren't working out anymore, I'm sorry Scott I tried to make this work but I just… I just can't…anymore.'' Every word that came out her beautiful mouth was like a knife cutting into my heart over and over and over again. '' wha… but I… I thought you…I love you.'' I didn't make sense, everything in trying to fight back the tears from running down my face. ''I'll always love you Scottie but I'm sorry… I have to go'' she makes her way back to her car without looking back to see if I were still there. But guess what? I was still there, and I couldn't move. Every part of my body ached, and I wanted to stop breathing, I wanted to stop everything. She pulls out of the parking lot and left me brokenhearted, finally catching my breathe I walk over to the car. I lay my head on the steering wheel hoping this horrible sadness will go away already. But it didn't and instead of driving home I stayed there and cried until I t felt like I had no more tears left.
The sunlight beaming through my window reminds me that I'm still alive. Another dreadful day to face, maybe it won't be as bad as last week or maybe I'm just asking for too much like I always do, at least according to dad. Weed, vodka not the cheap kind and cocaine are the only things that kee- the phone that I barely even find a need to touch anymore buzzes. ''I've been calling and texting u for days! I need to talk to u'' here I am recovering from a hangover and forgetting that I have a girlfriend that I've probably been a real jerk to. She's not just some girlfriend, she's the one for me and I'm the one for her no matter how many times dad tells me she's just using me. Just the thought of her thinking about me and worrying about ME gives me butterflies, '' Phone died and had to help dad at the store super sorry princess'' Maybe that will be enough to hide what I was doing last night. Before you think I was cheating, just know that Daisy is my everything and there is no one or nothing that can make me not love her as much as I do. For what seems like forever waiting for her to reply doesn't work out as planned so I try to start my day off with those extra corny meditation stretches that depressed old white people do on YouTube. I'm just buying time until I hear my phone buzz, it's a different type of buzz when I get a text from my princess. I mean I didn't set a totally different tone or anything, but I just know when it's a text from Daisy I just know. 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and I don't hear the buzz I feel like I've waited my whole life to hear. I gaze at myself in my shattered mirror that drunk dad smashed. The pain and restlessness are poured all over my face, the pit of my stomach sends signals through my body for some reason that is very unknown to me. There's lot of racket downstairs interrupting my thoughts, dad? Did mom come back to get the rest of her things? Did someone break in, and is only a few seconds away from entering my room and maybe killing me and taking the things that look worth some money? I make my way downstairs not carrying if it is a burglar, maybe he'll do me a favor and take me out of the game. A 6ft tall brown-haired man stands over the stove dressed in old pants and a red shirt that says ''life is a gift'' in bold on the back. Dad. No empty beer cans lying around, the smell of puke and body odor is no where to be recognized. This is a new version of dad and I'm not sure if I like it or not. Minutes go by and me examining him in every way comes to an end. I reach to grab an apple, moving all the ones that look old and rotten. ''Oh. Hey kiddo when'd you get down here'' He says, finally noticing me. Not sure if I should get my apple and retreat up to my room or should I engage into this conversation that I know he so badly wants. ''just grabbing an apple. I'm about to head out I'll see u later tonight'' I say without making eye contact trying not to seem interested in talking to him. Why should I its not like he cares about me or himself for that matter. Since mom left all he can cares about if the liquor store will be open after he gets off work. ''ohwell ok... I guess... I'll just see you later'' he manages to say as I'm walking up the stairs back to my cave.Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?I had to go somewhere even though I didn't know where I would figure it out eventually. DING. My phone goes off and I know its Daisy I can feel it. Meet me at Rosebush park in 10. I need to talk to you. Was she ok? Did she get hurt.... Are we ok? I quickly throw the first decent shirt I see on my bare skin and shoving pants up my legs, grabbing my old Nikes that I've had since the 10th grade and grabbing my car keys, and just like that I'm out the door. Dad starts rushing into my mind, hoping that he's ok inside, hoping that he will finally stop drinking and throwing his life away, hoping that he'll be the father that I've needed so badly. I pull up in the first parking lot I see, immediately looking around for my girl, for my Daisy. I see her red Toyota across from mind. But I still see no Daisy. What was I doing here in the first place, why'd she want me to meet he- ''Scott'' a familiar voice from behind me calls my name and my heart starts to speed up, the air feels like its starting to evaporate from my lungs. Her long blonde curly hair, those big blue eyes staring at me and into my soul my heart and my mind. '' We need to talk'' she says sharply before I even have a chance to say anything, to tell her how beautiful she looks, to tell her how I much I loved her and will always love her. ''Is everything ok? you look greatnot just great u look beauti-'' she cuts me off ''Why haven't you been answering my calls and text this week''? she says without looking at me, gosh why won't she look at me. ''I'm sorry babe, I've just been all over the place these last few days and I'm sorry'' which was true, I was sorry a million times over. She moves away from me as I start easing in toward her, as if I'm toxic and deadly. ''Scottie I we need to '' she trailed off looking in another direction biting her nails. I reach for her hands, which feel like clouds and cotton mix together, she doesn't embrace my touch like she usually does, she doesn't look at me the same anymore. '' Hey. Dasewhat's wrong'' I basically whisper to her, trying to get her to tell me why we're here. My heart skips a beat when she finally makes eye contact with me. No air. No people around us. Just me and her and this moment that I never want to end. ''I can't do this anymore. You and I aren't working out anymore, I'm sorry Scott I tried to make this work but I just I just can'tanymore.'' Every word that came out her beautiful mouth was like a knife cutting into my heart over and over and over again. '' wha but I I thought youI love you.'' I didn't make sense, everything in trying to fight back the tears from running down my face. ''I'll always love you Scottie but I'm sorry I have to go'' she makes her way back to her car without looking back to see if I were still there. But guess what? I was still there, and I couldn't move. Every part of my body ached, and I wanted to stop breathing, I wanted to stop everything. She pulls out of the parking lot and left me brokenhearted, finally catching my breathe I walk over to the car. I lay my head on the steering wheel hoping this horrible sadness will go away already. But it didn't and instead of driving home I stayed there and cried until I t felt like I had no more tears left.
