APRIL 2, 2018 ~ 3DMUM
I picked up the phone, the caller Jay’s voice was so clear, he called me: “Xiao Ai”. I smiled, just biting my lip, taste a little bitter. I was still driving my car, but unconsciously I stepped more on the accelerator pedal, I heard him saying, “Xiao Ai, she gave birth to my daughter.” With tears in my eyes, I said, “Congratulations, you are a father now, congrats …..”
After that there’s a boom kind of sound, I couldn’t see anything clearly, I heard over the phone the caller repeatedly shouting: “Xiao Ai…..”, only gradually I couldn’t hear clearly as well. I was in pain, very very very painful… so painful that I feel like dying ….
I am the treasure of Xiao family, daddy’s only child, but my surname is Gu, Gu Bao Bei, I followed my mother’s surname. My mother was very beautiful, but her health wasn’t good. Not long after giving birth to me, she left this world.
When I was young, I saw a room filled with my mother’s photo hanging all over in every corners of it. Daddy would look into my eyes, then he closed the door and silently shedding his tears. I always hear him say that he doesn’t have a single white hair, but the changes in his eyes was so deep that it can scared a person.
He said, “Xin Yao, I miss you ….”
Xin Yao is my mother’s name.
At that time, I would feel very upset and many times I had thought of foolish things, finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked Daddy: “Is it because of Bao Bei, is it because Mummy gave birth to me that’s why she’s no longer around?” I remembered Daddy stroked my hair, smiled and scolded me idiot, he said: “Your mummy got mental illness that was beyond cure, tossing herself beyond recognition.”
Then he squinted his eyes, as if he thought of something important and said, “Bao Bei, you must never give up!”
From that moment onwards, after a long period of time, he began to re-educate me by starting an idiotic disease, for example taking me to see the lizards and said, “This is the smartest animal in the world. You see, if it encounters an enemy, it will snap off its own tail to escape.” Then I saw a lizard’s tail swaying in the corner, it was so disgusting. Daddy again said: “Bao Bei, you have to be like this lizard ….” I immediately had goosebumps, for several days I had to bring along a mirror with me, wouldn’t want to let it go no matter what, sighed in my heart: luckily don’t look like it …. how can I look like the lizard… so ugly, so ugly … I looked like mummy, with a pair of sky blue eyes. All of them said that it’s beautiful.
Later part, I really got mental illness. Uncle Feng hugged me and said, “why so silly like your mummy…. don’t cry, baby don’t cry….”
I became an actress. No one knows that I’m a daughter of a wealthy family. I fell in love with a man called Jay and he loves me too. Me and him are the most envied silver screen couple.We acted together many many times, we’ve been an enemy, a lovers, i gave birth to his child in a movie, during pregnancy he gently hugged me and kissed me. In the movie I pointed my finger at his nose and scolded him, and then fell in love. In the movie we loved each other, got married and gave birth to a lot of children. We worked together again and again, acted in so many different types of lives, as if our own life … just like being in love, always wanting to be together …. But later, we are not together…..
On that day the weather was good, he looked at me, he cried before even saying anything else, only said: “Xiao Ai ….”
He never called me Bao Bei, only called me Xiao Ai, a name that belongs to him alone. He told me that since young he had a dream of a girl who had a pair of gentle deep eyes looking at him and heard himself calling her Xiao Ai. Xiao Ai is the name of his lover. He said that he fell in love with me at first sight, don’t know why…. When he called me, it sounded so nice. As if that the whole world’s happiness and beautiful things were held in his hand and delivered it to me. That type of happiness, it frightens people, so happy that made people cried.
But on that day, he said: “Xiao Ai, I’m getting married… Xiao Ai, I can’t let her down. From the very beginning, she has been accompanying me, protecting me. She puts everything she has on me, that type of kindness is so heavy …. Xiao Ai, she’s seven years older than me and waited for me for so many years. Her health is not good, she can’t wait anymore. She’s such a good woman, she should have a home and children. Xiao Ai, I’m going to marry her…”
It was on that day, his manager attempted suicide by cutting arteries. His whole body was exhausted when he came to see me. There’s sadness in his eyes that made my body shivered.
And later on he married her, his manager. He loves me, not her but he married her…. He let me down, abandoned our love, but he’s not bad at all…. but sort of not having any alternative… Even Daddy and Brother Nuo who always protected me were just helplessly sighed, don’t even have energy to vent anger on my behalf. In a sense, he is a good man, so good that can’t be any better than that, but unfortunately he’s not mine…..
Painful, really really painful, I tried to open my eyes, dizzily looking around at the surrounding, a layer of dust raised up and blocking the view, a dense petrol smell had choked me that I coughed so badly. I tried my best to push the door open and climbed out of the car that had been knocked and collapsed. The truck in front has emitted a thick hot smoke, underneath the car seat shockingly there were a small car squashed under it.
The front of the car behind me was all smashed flat and the patter of petrol flowing down, I staggeredly took a few steps back. There’s a woman’s body stuck in that car, stumbled in front of that car. Blood was all over her hand and face. The petrol smell was getting more and more thicker, I hastily ran forward to push her, “Wake up! Wake up!” But there was no response at all so I tremblingly pushed and pushed her, reached out my hand to feel her breath. Died …..this woman has died ….
At this time, from the back seat can be heard a child’s stifling crying sound. That child as if he had heard some sound, his crying sound getting louder and louder. A soft and trembling voice kept shouting: “Mama! Mama! Hu… Hu…Hu… Mama! Mama! ” He kept shouting til his tender baby voice sounded hoarse, people who heard it will feel depressed.
I really couldn’t care about respecting the deceased anymore, I pushed that woman and opened the back seat door. I picked up the child, he’s very young and there’s milk smell on his face. I couldn’t bear to let such a small child to see this kind of scene so I covered his eyes and protected him within my embrace then I turned back and ran. That chubby little kid that was in my hand wrapped his hand around my neck and cried so hard that several time he couldn’t catch a breath.
As expected, I’ve just ran about ten meters away, I heard a bang sound from my back, the truck started to explode and then followed by several small cars were burning and a huge explosion sounded, instantly turned into a scene of fire.
I sat down on the ground, blankly looking from a distant. The surrounding air is hot and burning. The little kid in my arms was also got frightened, suddenly he shivered and hooked himself up on my neck, he cried so hard that his face has turned red. I patted his back and coaxed him: “Be good, don’t cry, don’t cry ….”
While I was coaxing, my tears were flowing out from my eyes as well, with a trembling hand I took out my phone and without thinking start to dial Jay’s number, “Jay, Jay …. there’s a car accident here, the cars all burning up …. someone’s dead … someone dead… I’m very scared… really, Xiao Ai very scared…. Jay… Xiao Ai very scared….” Someone has picked up the phone call but there was no sound at all, then there was another explosion sound and made me suddenly realised who is the person I was calling to, so I loosen my hand and the phone landed on the ground, I got up and hugged the trembling child. All I can do for him now is to hugging him tightly and closing my eyes in fear.
When I finally got fetched to the police station, I sat on the chair for a long time, my brain was confused and puzzled because during making a report, the time that the police officer mentioned was actually ten years ago! And when I saw clearly the crying face of the child that was asleep in my embrace, unexpectedly he’s Gu An! My neighbour’s child, the peerless and familiar Xiao An An.
Gu An is my neighbour’s child when I was in Italy. His mother was an unmarried mother and she’s a Chinese as well. The two of them dependent on each other, with no other relatives. I also never see his mother has any friend as well. Me and his mother can not be considered very close, but this little kid had a lot of affinity with me. When he was born, it was me who sent his mother to the hospital, I drove the car and beat more than ten red lights on the way to the hospital. When he was just started learning how to talk, he would look straight at me every time and called me “Sister”, spread his hand asking me to carry him. Sometimes I helped to take care of him and brought him to my house, that’s why I had his milk bottle in my house.
Only later on, I met the bearded Director and shot the first movie in my life《Sad Love》And not long after that I’ve joined the production team and left that place, no longer in touch.
But why Gu An is here and he’s still two years old? Why am I in Italy? I knocked against the oil tanker truck but had change into a delivery truck? Why?
I stared at the time that shown in the computer in front of the police’s desk, I was practically frightened until speechless. I’ve returned back to ten years ago! Ten years! 《Sad Love》haven’t started filming yet ten years ago, I haven’t met Jay yet ten years ago!
“Miss Gu, it was the truck in front that has went the wrong way that had caused the accident, you are not responsible for it. With regards to the accident compensation, the insurance company had went to the scene and will contact you later. Now you can leave already.”
I answered with an “Oh” sound and nodded my head while puzzlingly thinking: Could it be that in this world there’s this thing called as turn back time? While thinking I suddenly lower down my head to looked at the back of my hand, that’s because the fine scar that supposed to be on the back of my hand wasn’t there….. what’s going on? Did I really had returned back to my own body in the ten years ago?
I’ve just took a few steps before a police officer stopped me. I was flabbergasted. I shook my head to let myself sober up and then looked at the police officer whose looking at me with a strict face and asked: “Sir, didn’t you said that I could leave already?”
The other party shrugged his shoulder and pointed his finger on my bosom: “Miss Gu, you can leave but you’ll have to leave the boy here.”
I stared blankly at the little kid in my embrace, he slept restlessly. His little hands tightly clinging on my clothes, his eye sockets were red, his little mouth kept pouting and tears stained all over on his face. I gently caressed his little face, don’t know if it is because I pity him or what that made my nose felt sour.
Once again I’ve thought of Jay’s phone call, he said that he had a daughter….
I gently caressed the pink and tender small little face, holding tightly the little kid in my embrace and shaking my head. I had a distinct idea in my mind.
I turned my head and said, “He no longer had his mummy and there’s no other relatives. If possible, I want to adopt him.”
“Miss Gu, you’re not married and there’s no fixed incomes so it’s not allowed.”
The police office reached out his hand to stopped me and strictness shown in his eyes.
“I’m not short of money, I can even afford to raise ten Gu An!”
My mind was confused and I felt a little upset so I glared at the police officer and shouted. I felt rude after saying that, from young up to now I’ve never oppressed someone.
It was only after Jay married his manager that I revealed my identity as a daughter of rich family, at that time I hoped to see the regret expression in Jay, but at the same time I also afraid to see it. But then he didn’t … didn’t have any reaction at all, still looked at me the same way as before and said he would love me in his whole life and wished for my happiness. He said he had more piece of mind after knowing that I had such a good family.
I shook my head to stopped myself from thinking incoherently. I was afraid that the noise will wake the child up, so I walked back to the same previous chair and irritatedly sat down.
Calmed myself down for a while and said: “Police Officer, actually this child’s mother is my neighbour. Previously I used to help her take care of An An. This little kid knows me and very close to me. He’s still very young, doesn’t understanding anything and shy with strangers. Having encounters with such incident, he’s no longer has any relatives, can you please let me bring him along first? Otherwise when he wakes up and open his eyes to see only strangers, how lonely and afraid he would be?”
However the police officer spread out his hand refused to compromise. The anger that I’ve tried very hard to suppressed was once again raised up. But then after having some thought about it, it was actually handled according to the procedures and rules and I was the one who’s unreasonably creating trouble.
But I know that I can’t throw An An aside, although I didn’t know what kind of fate that brought me to An An and encountered this accident. However, even I who at least had a father and being pampered by the elderly will also feel lonely and scared, how about An An who’s so young and had no one to rely on? I don’t dare to think about it.
At this point of time, I thought of my omnipotent Daddy, although it was unethical , although I’m still running away from home, but when there’s trouble, Daddy’s the best！
APRIL 2, 2018 ~ 3DMUM
I picked up the phone, the caller Jay’s voice was so clear, he called me: “Xiao Ai”. I smiled, just biting my lip, taste a little bitter. I was still driving my car, but unconsciously I stepped more on the accelerator pedal, I heard him saying, “Xiao Ai, she gave birth to my daughter.” With tears in my eyes, I said, “Congratulations, you are a father now, congrats …..”
After that there’s a boom kind of sound, I couldn’t see anything clearly, I heard over the phone the caller repeatedly shouting: “Xiao Ai…..”, only gradually I couldn’t hear clearly as well. I was in pain, very very very painful… so painful that I feel like dying ….
I am the treasure of Xiao family, daddy’s only child, but my surname is Gu, Gu Bao Bei, I followed my mother’s surname. My mother was very beautiful, but her health wasn’t good. Not long after giving birth to me, she left this world.
When I was young, I saw a room filled with my mother’s photo hanging all over in every corners of it. Daddy would look into my eyes, then he closed the door and silently shedding his tears. I always hear him say that he doesn’t have a single white hair, but the changes in his eyes was so deep that it can scared a person.
He said, “Xin Yao, I miss you ….”
Xin Yao is my mother’s name.
At that time, I would feel very upset and many times I had thought of foolish things, finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked Daddy: “Is it because of Bao Bei, is it because Mummy gave birth to me that’s why she’s no longer around?” I remembered Daddy stroked my hair, smiled and scolded me idiot, he said: “Your mummy got mental illness that was beyond cure, tossing herself beyond recognition.”
Then he squinted his eyes, as if he thought of something important and said, “Bao Bei, you must never give up!”
From that moment onwards, after a long period of time, he began to re-educate me by starting an idiotic disease, for example taking me to see the lizards and said, “This is the smartest animal in the world. You see, if it encounters an enemy, it will snap off its own tail to escape.” Then I saw a lizard’s tail swaying in the corner, it was so disgusting. Daddy again said: “Bao Bei, you have to be like this lizard ….” I immediately had goosebumps, for several days I had to bring along a mirror with me, wouldn’t want to let it go no matter what, sighed in my heart: luckily don’t look like it …. how can I look like the lizard… so ugly, so ugly … I looked like mummy, with a pair of sky blue eyes. All of them said that it’s beautiful.
Later part, I really got mental illness. Uncle Feng hugged me and said, “why so silly like your mummy…. don’t cry, baby don’t cry….”
I became an actress. No one knows that I’m a daughter of a wealthy family. I fell in love with a man called Jay and he loves me too. Me and him are the most envied silver screen couple.We acted together many many times, we’ve been an enemy, a lovers, i gave birth to his child in a movie, during pregnancy he gently hugged me and kissed me. In the movie I pointed my finger at his nose and scolded him, and then fell in love. In the movie we loved each other, got married and gave birth to a lot of children. We worked together again and again, acted in so many different types of lives, as if our own life … just like being in love, always wanting to be together …. But later, we are not together…..
On that day the weather was good, he looked at me, he cried before even saying anything else, only said: “Xiao Ai ….”
He never called me Bao Bei, only called me Xiao Ai, a name that belongs to him alone. He told me that since young he had a dream of a girl who had a pair of gentle deep eyes looking at him and heard himself calling her Xiao Ai. Xiao Ai is the name of his lover. He said that he fell in love with me at first sight, don’t know why…. When he called me, it sounded so nice. As if that the whole world’s happiness and beautiful things were held in his hand and delivered it to me. That type of happiness, it frightens people, so happy that made people cried.
But on that day, he said: “Xiao Ai, I’m getting married… Xiao Ai, I can’t let her down. From the very beginning, she has been accompanying me, protecting me. She puts everything she has on me, that type of kindness is so heavy …. Xiao Ai, she’s seven years older than me and waited for me for so many years. Her health is not good, she can’t wait anymore. She’s such a good woman, she should have a home and children. Xiao Ai, I’m going to marry her…”
It was on that day, his manager attempted suicide by cutting arteries. His whole body was exhausted when he came to see me. There’s sadness in his eyes that made my body shivered.
And later on he married her, his manager. He loves me, not her but he married her…. He let me down, abandoned our love, but he’s not bad at all…. but sort of not having any alternative… Even Daddy and Brother Nuo who always protected me were just helplessly sighed, don’t even have energy to vent anger on my behalf. In a sense, he is a good man, so good that can’t be any better than that, but unfortunately he’s not mine…..
Painful, really really painful, I tried to open my eyes, dizzily looking around at the surrounding, a layer of dust raised up and blocking the view, a dense petrol smell had choked me that I coughed so badly. I tried my best to push the door open and climbed out of the car that had been knocked and collapsed. The truck in front has emitted a thick hot smoke, underneath the car seat shockingly there were a small car squashed under it.
The front of the car behind me was all smashed flat and the patter of petrol flowing down, I staggeredly took a few steps back. There’s a woman’s body stuck in that car, stumbled in front of that car. Blood was all over her hand and face. The petrol smell was getting more and more thicker, I hastily ran forward to push her, “Wake up! Wake up!” But there was no response at all so I tremblingly pushed and pushed her, reached out my hand to feel her breath. Died …..this woman has died ….
At this time, from the back seat can be heard a child’s stifling crying sound. That child as if he had heard some sound, his crying sound getting louder and louder. A soft and trembling voice kept shouting: “Mama! Mama! Hu… Hu…Hu… Mama! Mama! ” He kept shouting til his tender baby voice sounded hoarse, people who heard it will feel depressed.
I really couldn’t care about respecting the deceased anymore, I pushed that woman and opened the back seat door. I picked up the child, he’s very young and there’s milk smell on his face. I couldn’t bear to let such a small child to see this kind of scene so I covered his eyes and protected him within my embrace then I turned back and ran. That chubby little kid that was in my hand wrapped his hand around my neck and cried so hard that several time he couldn’t catch a breath.
As expected, I’ve just ran about ten meters away, I heard a bang sound from my back, the truck started to explode and then followed by several small cars were burning and a huge explosion sounded, instantly turned into a scene of fire.
I sat down on the ground, blankly looking from a distant. The surrounding air is hot and burning. The little kid in my arms was also got frightened, suddenly he shivered and hooked himself up on my neck, he cried so hard that his face has turned red. I patted his back and coaxed him: “Be good, don’t cry, don’t cry ….”
While I was coaxing, my tears were flowing out from my eyes as well, with a trembling hand I took out my phone and without thinking start to dial Jay’s number, “Jay, Jay …. there’s a car accident here, the cars all burning up …. someone’s dead … someone dead… I’m very scared… really, Xiao Ai very scared…. Jay… Xiao Ai very scared….” Someone has picked up the phone call but there was no sound at all, then there was another explosion sound and made me suddenly realised who is the person I was calling to, so I loosen my hand and the phone landed on the ground, I got up and hugged the trembling child. All I can do for him now is to hugging him tightly and closing my eyes in fear.
When I finally got fetched to the police station, I sat on the chair for a long time, my brain was confused and puzzled because during making a report, the time that the police officer mentioned was actually ten years ago! And when I saw clearly the crying face of the child that was asleep in my embrace, unexpectedly he’s Gu An! My neighbour’s child, the peerless and familiar Xiao An An.
Gu An is my neighbour’s child when I was in Italy. His mother was an unmarried mother and she’s a Chinese as well. The two of them dependent on each other, with no other relatives. I also never see his mother has any friend as well. Me and his mother can not be considered very close, but this little kid had a lot of affinity with me. When he was born, it was me who sent his mother to the hospital, I drove the car and beat more than ten red lights on the way to the hospital. When he was just started learning how to talk, he would look straight at me every time and called me “Sister”, spread his hand asking me to carry him. Sometimes I helped to take care of him and brought him to my house, that’s why I had his milk bottle in my house.
Only later on, I met the bearded Director and shot the first movie in my life《Sad Love》And not long after that I’ve joined the production team and left that place, no longer in touch.
But why Gu An is here and he’s still two years old? Why am I in Italy? I knocked against the oil tanker truck but had change into a delivery truck? Why?
I stared at the time that shown in the computer in front of the police’s desk, I was practically frightened until speechless. I’ve returned back to ten years ago! Ten years! 《Sad Love》haven’t started filming yet ten years ago, I haven’t met Jay yet ten years ago!
“Miss Gu, it was the truck in front that has went the wrong way that had caused the accident, you are not responsible for it. With regards to the accident compensation, the insurance company had went to the scene and will contact you later. Now you can leave already.”
I answered with an “Oh” sound and nodded my head while puzzlingly thinking: Could it be that in this world there’s this thing called as turn back time? While thinking I suddenly lower down my head to looked at the back of my hand, that’s because the fine scar that supposed to be on the back of my hand wasn’t there….. what’s going on? Did I really had returned back to my own body in the ten years ago?
I’ve just took a few steps before a police officer stopped me. I was flabbergasted. I shook my head to let myself sober up and then looked at the police officer whose looking at me with a strict face and asked: “Sir, didn’t you said that I could leave already?”
The other party shrugged his shoulder and pointed his finger on my bosom: “Miss Gu, you can leave but you’ll have to leave the boy here.”
I stared blankly at the little kid in my embrace, he slept restlessly. His little hands tightly clinging on my clothes, his eye sockets were red, his little mouth kept pouting and tears stained all over on his face. I gently caressed his little face, don’t know if it is because I pity him or what that made my nose felt sour.
Once again I’ve thought of Jay’s phone call, he said that he had a daughter….
I gently caressed the pink and tender small little face, holding tightly the little kid in my embrace and shaking my head. I had a distinct idea in my mind.
I turned my head and said, “He no longer had his mummy and there’s no other relatives. If possible, I want to adopt him.”
“Miss Gu, you’re not married and there’s no fixed incomes so it’s not allowed.”
The police office reached out his hand to stopped me and strictness shown in his eyes.
“I’m not short of money, I can even afford to raise ten Gu An!”
My mind was confused and I felt a little upset so I glared at the police officer and shouted. I felt rude after saying that, from young up to now I’ve never oppressed someone.
It was only after Jay married his manager that I revealed my identity as a daughter of rich family, at that time I hoped to see the regret expression in Jay, but at the same time I also afraid to see it. But then he didn’t … didn’t have any reaction at all, still looked at me the same way as before and said he would love me in his whole life and wished for my happiness. He said he had more piece of mind after knowing that I had such a good family.
I shook my head to stopped myself from thinking incoherently. I was afraid that the noise will wake the child up, so I walked back to the same previous chair and irritatedly sat down.
Calmed myself down for a while and said: “Police Officer, actually this child’s mother is my neighbour. Previously I used to help her take care of An An. This little kid knows me and very close to me. He’s still very young, doesn’t understanding anything and shy with strangers. Having encounters with such incident, he’s no longer has any relatives, can you please let me bring him along first? Otherwise when he wakes up and open his eyes to see only strangers, how lonely and afraid he would be?”
However the police officer spread out his hand refused to compromise. The anger that I’ve tried very hard to suppressed was once again raised up. But then after having some thought about it, it was actually handled according to the procedures and rules and I was the one who’s unreasonably creating trouble.
But I know that I can’t throw An An aside, although I didn’t know what kind of fate that brought me to An An and encountered this accident. However, even I who at least had a father and being pampered by the elderly will also feel lonely and scared, how about An An who’s so young and had no one to rely on? I don’t dare to think about it.
At this point of time, I thought of my omnipotent Daddy, although it was unethical , although I’m still running away from home, but when there’s trouble, Daddy’s the best！
