I didn't eat, and I also didn't take medicine. Yong Niang had brought me a bowl of medicine, and I used all my strength to flip over the bowl of medicine that she was holding. I just want A'Du. In this Eastern Palace which I cannot bear to even stay for a day, I want A'Du, and I want to go back to Western Liang.
Feeling sleepy, I slept the whole day. I kept on having nightmares. I dreamed about my mother, I dreamed about myself crying lots of tears, I dreamed about my father, his rough and big hand touching my hair, and him saying to me: "Child, you have suffered."
I didn't suffer much, I just felt extremely tired, I couldn't struggle anymore. Like a fish, suffocating; like a flower, about to wither.
Li Cheng Yin and the Eastern Palace, the world's heaviest chains, I could no longer bear.
Afterwards Yong Niang gently shook me awake, she told me: "A'Du is back."
A'Du was really sent back, but still lying on the bed unconscious. I wonder what made Li Cheng Yin change his decision.
I touched A'Du's hand, her hand was much warmer than my hand and she kept on having a fever, but as long as she's here, I can stay with her, then that's good.
Yong Niang didn't say anything, she just said: "Since A'Du came back, Crown Princess please drink the medicine."
I drank the big bowl of bitter medicine in one breath, it was very bitter. I didn't even eat the preserved apricot with the medicine. I smiled at Yong Niang, but she suddenly started crying.
I find it strange, and asked: "Yong Niang, what's wrong?"
Yong Niang didn't say anything, just softly said: "Crown Princess your hair is messy, this servant will help you comb it."
The comb brushing my hair was very comfortable. Yong Niang's hands were light and warm, like the hands of my mother. She combed my hair while slowly saying: "I remembered the time when Crown Princess had just came to the Eastern Palace, you were very sick, having a severe fever. The imperial doctors didn't dare to prescribe you any medicine, afraid that something might happen. This servant was protecting you on the side, at that time, your Central Plains language wasn't very good, in your dreams you kept on crying wanting Shan Zi, later this servant realized that Shan Zi means mother in Western Liang language."
I had forgotten about that, I only remembered when I arrived at the Eastern Palace I was sick, it was Yong Niang and A'Du who had taken care of me until I recovered.
"That year you were only fifteen years old." Yong Niang gently lifted my hair, "Three years have passed by in a flash."
I turned around, she smiled at me: "Your Highness' birthday, the people in the palace has forgotten, his Highness has forgotten as well, but today your Highness is eighteen years old."
I really had forgotten about my birthday. A'Du was very sick as if hovering on a fine line between life and death, how could I remember my birthday when I'm sick with worry? People in the palace must have remembered. But since the palace was in a state of disorder because Noble Consort Gao got into trouble, the rest of the people must not have cared about such a trivial matter as a birthday.
Only Yong Niang remembered.
She carefully combed my sideburns: "From now on, Crown Princess will be an adult, so you should not misbehave and cause trouble again."
Misbehave, causing trouble?
I felt these words were very distant......The me that misbehave and cause trouble has already died a long time ago. Three years ago, she died in the river of forgetfulness, and I am just borrowing her body, passing these three years absentmindedly. I have forgotten everything. I've forgotten all the blood, forgotten this deep hatred, spending these three years with the enemy, falling in love with him once again.
He will never remember the past me.
Fortunately, I would rather him never remembering me again.
When A'Du's injuries were getting better, summer was almost over.
While she was recovering from her injuries, she used hand gestures to tell me some things such as how Gu Jian saved her. Apparently the first time when I wanted Gu Jian to save A'Du, it resulted in Gu Jian losing half of his inner energy while treating A'Du's internal injury.
If it was not like this, he wouldn't have died in the midst of arrows.
A'Du was just as foolish as I am.
I slowly used hand gestures to ask her: "Do you like him?"
A'Du didn't answer me, her eyes faintly teared up. She turned around to look at the lotus flowers outside the window, a moment later she turned back and smiled at me.
I knew she was crying.
This girl was just like me, smiling at people when she was actually crying.
I knew a lot of things from A'Du, such as the first time when Li Cheng Yin was attacked by an assassin, A'Du went out to pursue the assassin and was seriously injured. I always thought it was the Empress's people, but in the end A'Du found out that it wasn't.
"It was his Highness's people." A'Du wrote on paper, "Led by Sun Er."
I was shocked seeing this name, Sun Er? If Sun Er was Li Cheng Yin's people, then the Empress had been wrongly accused? It wasn't her who had sent people to assassinate Li Cheng Yin, but it was Li Cheng Yin's own plan of inflicting damage upon himself? When Sun Er was at Ming Yu Fang, he had led a bunch of people to cause trouble, luring Li Cheng Yin and I away, the conspiracy in between, it was all Li Cheng Yin's doing?
What did he actually do? Li Cheng Yin, what did he do......One word after another, A'Du wrote on paper, telling me: On that day when she was outside Ming Yu Fang, she felt there was something wrong with the situation, so she followed Sun Er to find out. She doesn't want to be discovered by Sun Er, but Sun Er's people have exceptional martial arts skills and she was outnumbered. However the people did not kill her, but only kept her in a very secretive place. Fortunately, a few days later Gu Jian saved her and took her to the temple to see me. She asked Gu Jian why he hid me in the broken temple, it was only then that A'Du knew Gu Jian and Sun Er were both instigated by Li Cheng Yin. Originally, Li Cheng Yin had asked Gu Jian to take his Majesty as hostage, so that his Majesty would believe that someone was trying to prevent him from investigating the old case of the Chen family. Who knew I would come out and volunteer to be a hostage, so Gu Jian had taken me away instead.
I didn't dare to think nor was I willing to think about it anymore, but I just feel every time I think about it, there would be a burst of coldness from the bottom of my heart so cold it feels like winter. Right now Li Cheng Yin was a complete stranger, a terrifying stranger, I will never be able to guess what else he could do. What he did three years ago was terrifying, three years later he was even worse. Did he set up a trap to kill Gu Jian, just so he could silence him? Gu Jian is his cousin, doing all these bad deeds to him. Li Cheng Yin doesn’t even care for A’Du, was it because he never wants me to find out about these things?
A feeling of coldness lingers in my heart, what was he doing? For the first time, I finally felt that a human’s heart can be so terrifying in this world; the Eastern Palace was terrifying, Li Cheng Yin was terrifying.
So terrifying that I was afraid.
A’Du and I were still semi-confined in the palace, right now I didn’t care. In this lonely Eastern Palace, only A’Du and I depended on each other.
Yue Niang came to see me several times, I said to her: "Be careful in the palace."
How could the Emperor’s love last long? The Emperor brought her into the palace, only to use her name to overturn the case of the Chen family. There are so many beauties in the Imperial Palace, I'm only afraid that it will be more than in the Eastern Palace. Noble Consort Gao died of a sudden illness, but there were rumours saying that because she had lost her power and influence, she committed suicide by swallowing gold. About the things that happens in the Imperial Palace, rumours of them spread really fast in the Eastern Palace.
I know Yue Niang is in a tricky situation. Although the Emperor still seems to favor her, but after all she was born in a brothel. Now there are more power and influences emerging in the court, and his Majesty has a new imperial concubine. The ministers had tried to persuade him to appoint a new Empress, but his Majesty still haven’t made the decision yet.
If there is an Empress, I don't know if the Empress will be jealous of Yue Niang. Yong Niang once told me about the previous dynasty's imperial concubine Lan, because she had a poor background, she died as a result of being framed by the Empress. I really don't want Yue Niang to end up like that.
Yue Niang smiled sweetly: "Don't worry, I can handle it."
She played a song for me.
"On an autumn's day in Nantang[1], picking lotus flowers that were taller than one's head. When one lowers their head, lotus seeds as green as the water can be seen......"
Yue Niang's voice is very pleasant to hear, like a soft fog, like dew rolling on the surfaces of lotus leaves, like the gust of wind blowing through the palace walls, blowing through the swing, blowing through the blue sky, blowing through the white clouds.....There were little birds flying in the blue sky, flying all the way to the west, all the way to Western Liang. Although Western Liang doesn't have such beautiful lotus ponds, or beauties that pick lotus flowers, but Western Liang is my home.
I remembered the days when I was at Ming Yu Fang. At that time I was very happy and carefree, singing to one's content.
I sighed: "I don't know when is the next time I will be able to hear you sing again."
Yue Niang said: "I will see you again."
I didn't speak, I have already decided to go back to Western Liang.
Once A'Du recovers, both of us will go back together.
Li Cheng Yin ordered Pei Zhao to select a few people to follow me around. On the surface he was protecting, but he was actually guarding me. Those people were guarding me so closely that if A'Du and I were to try to suddenly escape, I think it wouldn't be successful. So we could only take action when there is a chance.
Qiqiao festival [2] is one of the liveliest days in the palace. Because his Majesty's birthday is also on the same day as the festival, the palace was decorated more than half a month ago with lanterns and colored streamers, the garden was decorated, and new boats were bought. The banquet is by the Nanyuan pond on the Qiongshan island. The island has a Calyx building and the Qianlu pavilion, which are close to the water and the wind, both good places to relieve the summer heat.
Calyx building
Li Cheng Yin went to the palace early in the morning, while I went a little later than him. On his birthday, his Majesty would always have a banquet with the ministers, so there will be a banquet in the Cheng De Palace. The banquet was perfectly arranged by the newly appointed Imperial Concubine Xian. While I rode the boat from Gan Lu Palace, I could hear faint sound of music from the waterside. Those were the music bands arranged by Imperial Concubine Xian to play traditional music instruments by the waterside. The sound of music transferred by the water make it sound like heavenly music.
The banquet began at dusk. Nanyuan pond was filled with white lotus flowers, the flower petals overlapping, with no fragrance. Imperial Concubine Xian had ordered someone to place lotus lamps in the water, with each lotus lamp burning an incense, which was separated by the copper plate that was on the candle. After the candles were burnt, the fragrance of the incenses were so strong, being blown away by the distant wind. Even the fragrant scent of the women in the harem cannot be compared to the scent of the incense. On the pavilion, the music department had arranged a new limbo dance, the dancers wore dark green dresses like lotus leaf fairies, dancing in waves. The lights in the pavilion reflected on the water surface, sparkles of light-like star fragments.
His Majesty is very pleased with this arrangement, he praised Imperial Concubine Xian for her thoughtfulness, especially the lotus lamp incense. Imperial Concubine Xian laughed and said: "How is it my idea? I would always mention that although the lotus flowers are beautiful, it is unfortunate that they are without fragrance. The female official beside me, A'Man, is very clever, and she came up with the idea of making this incense light. Being able to be praised by your Majesty, A'Man is very fortunate. I thank your Majesty on her behalf."
The person named A'Man, who is a female official around sixteen or seventeen years old, slowly stepped forward, gracefully bowing to his Majesty. When she looked up, many people inhaled, A'Man is even more beautiful than Yue Niang. Everyone thinks she's elegant and incomparable, like a white lotus flower. His Majesty seemed to be startled by her beauty, stunned. Afterwards he bestowed her with a set of jade vases and a box of perfume. I thought his Majesty would give her the title of Imperial Concubine, but who knew his Majesty would suddenly ask Li Cheng Yin: "Yin Er, what do you think of this girl?"
Li Cheng Yin, who was sitting opposite of me, seemed tired and didn't speak much. When he heard the Emperor suddenly ask him, he glanced at A'Man and then faintly said: "She's a beauty."
His Majesty said: "There is a shortage of people serving you, why don't we ask A'Man to go to the Eastern Palace? I'll appoint another person to be Imperial Concubine Xian's female official."
Li Cheng Yin said: "I don't have any shortage of people serving me, I thank your Majesty for your kindness."
I couldn't help but move. His Majesty asked: "Does Crown Princess have something to say?"
I said: "Father, his Highness is shy, feeling embarrassed to say what he wants. A'Man is so beautiful, if he doesn't want then I want. I request your Majesty to bestow A'Man to me."
His Majesty laughed and agreed.
Notes:
[1]南塘 Nantang- An empire in Southern China and it is one of the ten kingdoms between 937-976.
[2]乞巧节 Qiqiao festival- This festival is also known as Chinese Valentine's day, which happens on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month. It celebrates the annual reunion of lovers. This festival all started with the story of the cowherd and the weaver girl. The weaver girl was a fairy from heaven who secretly came to earth and married the cowherd, but later the couple was separated by the God of Heaven. Once a year on this day, the magpies would build a bridge for the couple to meet each other.
I didn't eat, and I also didn't take medicine. Yong Niang had brought me a bowl of medicine, and I used all my strength to flip over the bowl of medicine that she was holding. I just want A'Du. In this Eastern Palace which I cannot bear to even stay for a day, I want A'Du, and I want to go back to Western Liang.
Feeling sleepy, I slept the whole day. I kept on having nightmares. I dreamed about my mother, I dreamed about myself crying lots of tears, I dreamed about my father, his rough and big hand touching my hair, and him saying to me: "Child, you have suffered."
I didn't suffer much, I just felt extremely tired, I couldn't struggle anymore. Like a fish, suffocating; like a flower, about to wither.
Li Cheng Yin and the Eastern Palace, the world's heaviest chains, I could no longer bear.
Afterwards Yong Niang gently shook me awake, she told me: "A'Du is back."
A'Du was really sent back, but still lying on the bed unconscious. I wonder what made Li Cheng Yin change his decision.
I touched A'Du's hand, her hand was much warmer than my hand and she kept on having a fever, but as long as she's here, I can stay with her, then that's good.
Yong Niang didn't say anything, she just said: "Since A'Du came back, Crown Princess please drink the medicine."
I drank the big bowl of bitter medicine in one breath, it was very bitter. I didn't even eat the preserved apricot with the medicine. I smiled at Yong Niang, but she suddenly started crying.
I find it strange, and asked: "Yong Niang, what's wrong?"
Yong Niang didn't say anything, just softly said: "Crown Princess your hair is messy, this servant will help you comb it."
The comb brushing my hair was very comfortable. Yong Niang's hands were light and warm, like the hands of my mother. She combed my hair while slowly saying: "I remembered the time when Crown Princess had just came to the Eastern Palace, you were very sick, having a severe fever. The imperial doctors didn't dare to prescribe you any medicine, afraid that something might happen. This servant was protecting you on the side, at that time, your Central Plains language wasn't very good, in your dreams you kept on crying wanting Shan Zi, later this servant realized that Shan Zi means mother in Western Liang language."
I had forgotten about that, I only remembered when I arrived at the Eastern Palace I was sick, it was Yong Niang and A'Du who had taken care of me until I recovered.
"That year you were only fifteen years old." Yong Niang gently lifted my hair, "Three years have passed by in a flash."
I turned around, she smiled at me: "Your Highness' birthday, the people in the palace has forgotten, his Highness has forgotten as well, but today your Highness is eighteen years old."
I really had forgotten about my birthday. A'Du was very sick as if hovering on a fine line between life and death, how could I remember my birthday when I'm sick with worry? People in the palace must have remembered. But since the palace was in a state of disorder because Noble Consort Gao got into trouble, the rest of the people must not have cared about such a trivial matter as a birthday.
Only Yong Niang remembered.
She carefully combed my sideburns: "From now on, Crown Princess will be an adult, so you should not misbehave and cause trouble again."
Misbehave, causing trouble?
I felt these words were very distant......The me that misbehave and cause trouble has already died a long time ago. Three years ago, she died in the river of forgetfulness, and I am just borrowing her body, passing these three years absentmindedly. I have forgotten everything. I've forgotten all the blood, forgotten this deep hatred, spending these three years with the enemy, falling in love with him once again.
He will never remember the past me.
Fortunately, I would rather him never remembering me again.
When A'Du's injuries were getting better, summer was almost over.
While she was recovering from her injuries, she used hand gestures to tell me some things such as how Gu Jian saved her. Apparently the first time when I wanted Gu Jian to save A'Du, it resulted in Gu Jian losing half of his inner energy while treating A'Du's internal injury.
If it was not like this, he wouldn't have died in the midst of arrows.
A'Du was just as foolish as I am.
I slowly used hand gestures to ask her: "Do you like him?"
A'Du didn't answer me, her eyes faintly teared up. She turned around to look at the lotus flowers outside the window, a moment later she turned back and smiled at me.
I knew she was crying.
This girl was just like me, smiling at people when she was actually crying.
I knew a lot of things from A'Du, such as the first time when Li Cheng Yin was attacked by an assassin, A'Du went out to pursue the assassin and was seriously injured. I always thought it was the Empress's people, but in the end A'Du found out that it wasn't.
"It was his Highness's people." A'Du wrote on paper, "Led by Sun Er."
I was shocked seeing this name, Sun Er? If Sun Er was Li Cheng Yin's people, then the Empress had been wrongly accused? It wasn't her who had sent people to assassinate Li Cheng Yin, but it was Li Cheng Yin's own plan of inflicting damage upon himself? When Sun Er was at Ming Yu Fang, he had led a bunch of people to cause trouble, luring Li Cheng Yin and I away, the conspiracy in between, it was all Li Cheng Yin's doing?
What did he actually do? Li Cheng Yin, what did he do......One word after another, A'Du wrote on paper, telling me: On that day when she was outside Ming Yu Fang, she felt there was something wrong with the situation, so she followed Sun Er to find out. She doesn't want to be discovered by Sun Er, but Sun Er's people have exceptional martial arts skills and she was outnumbered. However the people did not kill her, but only kept her in a very secretive place. Fortunately, a few days later Gu Jian saved her and took her to the temple to see me. She asked Gu Jian why he hid me in the broken temple, it was only then that A'Du knew Gu Jian and Sun Er were both instigated by Li Cheng Yin. Originally, Li Cheng Yin had asked Gu Jian to take his Majesty as hostage, so that his Majesty would believe that someone was trying to prevent him from investigating the old case of the Chen family. Who knew I would come out and volunteer to be a hostage, so Gu Jian had taken me away instead.
I didn't dare to think nor was I willing to think about it anymore, but I just feel every time I think about it, there would be a burst of coldness from the bottom of my heart so cold it feels like winter. Right now Li Cheng Yin was a complete stranger, a terrifying stranger, I will never be able to guess what else he could do. What he did three years ago was terrifying, three years later he was even worse. Did he set up a trap to kill Gu Jian, just so he could silence him? Gu Jian is his cousin, doing all these bad deeds to him. Li Cheng Yin doesn’t even care for A’Du, was it because he never wants me to find out about these things?
A feeling of coldness lingers in my heart, what was he doing? For the first time, I finally felt that a human’s heart can be so terrifying in this world; the Eastern Palace was terrifying, Li Cheng Yin was terrifying.
So terrifying that I was afraid.
A’Du and I were still semi-confined in the palace, right now I didn’t care. In this lonely Eastern Palace, only A’Du and I depended on each other.
Yue Niang came to see me several times, I said to her: "Be careful in the palace."
How could the Emperor’s love last long? The Emperor brought her into the palace, only to use her name to overturn the case of the Chen family. There are so many beauties in the Imperial Palace, I'm only afraid that it will be more than in the Eastern Palace. Noble Consort Gao died of a sudden illness, but there were rumours saying that because she had lost her power and influence, she committed suicide by swallowing gold. About the things that happens in the Imperial Palace, rumours of them spread really fast in the Eastern Palace.
I know Yue Niang is in a tricky situation. Although the Emperor still seems to favor her, but after all she was born in a brothel. Now there are more power and influences emerging in the court, and his Majesty has a new imperial concubine. The ministers had tried to persuade him to appoint a new Empress, but his Majesty still haven’t made the decision yet.
If there is an Empress, I don't know if the Empress will be jealous of Yue Niang. Yong Niang once told me about the previous dynasty's imperial concubine Lan, because she had a poor background, she died as a result of being framed by the Empress. I really don't want Yue Niang to end up like that.
Yue Niang smiled sweetly: "Don't worry, I can handle it."
She played a song for me.
"On an autumn's day in Nantang[1], picking lotus flowers that were taller than one's head. When one lowers their head, lotus seeds as green as the water can be seen......"
Yue Niang's voice is very pleasant to hear, like a soft fog, like dew rolling on the surfaces of lotus leaves, like the gust of wind blowing through the palace walls, blowing through the swing, blowing through the blue sky, blowing through the white clouds.....There were little birds flying in the blue sky, flying all the way to the west, all the way to Western Liang. Although Western Liang doesn't have such beautiful lotus ponds, or beauties that pick lotus flowers, but Western Liang is my home.
I remembered the days when I was at Ming Yu Fang. At that time I was very happy and carefree, singing to one's content.
I sighed: "I don't know when is the next time I will be able to hear you sing again."
Yue Niang said: "I will see you again."
I didn't speak, I have already decided to go back to Western Liang.
Once A'Du recovers, both of us will go back together.
Li Cheng Yin ordered Pei Zhao to select a few people to follow me around. On the surface he was protecting, but he was actually guarding me. Those people were guarding me so closely that if A'Du and I were to try to suddenly escape, I think it wouldn't be successful. So we could only take action when there is a chance.
Qiqiao festival [2] is one of the liveliest days in the palace. Because his Majesty's birthday is also on the same day as the festival, the palace was decorated more than half a month ago with lanterns and colored streamers, the garden was decorated, and new boats were bought. The banquet is by the Nanyuan pond on the Qiongshan island. The island has a Calyx building and the Qianlu pavilion, which are close to the water and the wind, both good places to relieve the summer heat.
Calyx building
Li Cheng Yin went to the palace early in the morning, while I went a little later than him. On his birthday, his Majesty would always have a banquet with the ministers, so there will be a banquet in the Cheng De Palace. The banquet was perfectly arranged by the newly appointed Imperial Concubine Xian. While I rode the boat from Gan Lu Palace, I could hear faint sound of music from the waterside. Those were the music bands arranged by Imperial Concubine Xian to play traditional music instruments by the waterside. The sound of music transferred by the water make it sound like heavenly music.
The banquet began at dusk. Nanyuan pond was filled with white lotus flowers, the flower petals overlapping, with no fragrance. Imperial Concubine Xian had ordered someone to place lotus lamps in the water, with each lotus lamp burning an incense, which was separated by the copper plate that was on the candle. After the candles were burnt, the fragrance of the incenses were so strong, being blown away by the distant wind. Even the fragrant scent of the women in the harem cannot be compared to the scent of the incense. On the pavilion, the music department had arranged a new limbo dance, the dancers wore dark green dresses like lotus leaf fairies, dancing in waves. The lights in the pavilion reflected on the water surface, sparkles of light-like star fragments.
His Majesty is very pleased with this arrangement, he praised Imperial Concubine Xian for her thoughtfulness, especially the lotus lamp incense. Imperial Concubine Xian laughed and said: "How is it my idea? I would always mention that although the lotus flowers are beautiful, it is unfortunate that they are without fragrance. The female official beside me, A'Man, is very clever, and she came up with the idea of making this incense light. Being able to be praised by your Majesty, A'Man is very fortunate. I thank your Majesty on her behalf."
The person named A'Man, who is a female official around sixteen or seventeen years old, slowly stepped forward, gracefully bowing to his Majesty. When she looked up, many people inhaled, A'Man is even more beautiful than Yue Niang. Everyone thinks she's elegant and incomparable, like a white lotus flower. His Majesty seemed to be startled by her beauty, stunned. Afterwards he bestowed her with a set of jade vases and a box of perfume. I thought his Majesty would give her the title of Imperial Concubine, but who knew his Majesty would suddenly ask Li Cheng Yin: "Yin Er, what do you think of this girl?"
Li Cheng Yin, who was sitting opposite of me, seemed tired and didn't speak much. When he heard the Emperor suddenly ask him, he glanced at A'Man and then faintly said: "She's a beauty."
His Majesty said: "There is a shortage of people serving you, why don't we ask A'Man to go to the Eastern Palace? I'll appoint another person to be Imperial Concubine Xian's female official."
Li Cheng Yin said: "I don't have any shortage of people serving me, I thank your Majesty for your kindness."
I couldn't help but move. His Majesty asked: "Does Crown Princess have something to say?"
I said: "Father, his Highness is shy, feeling embarrassed to say what he wants. A'Man is so beautiful, if he doesn't want then I want. I request your Majesty to bestow A'Man to me."
His Majesty laughed and agreed.
Notes:
[1]南塘 Nantang- An empire in Southern China and it is one of the ten kingdoms between 937-976.
[2]乞巧节 Qiqiao festival- This festival is also known as Chinese Valentine's day, which happens on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month. It celebrates the annual reunion of lovers. This festival all started with the story of the cowherd and the weaver girl. The weaver girl was a fairy from heaven who secretly came to earth and married the cowherd, but later the couple was separated by the God of Heaven. Once a year on this day, the magpies would build a bridge for the couple to meet each other.
