Home is Where the Heart is
Nine.
Since then their lives together were very calm. The two of them were a little unaccustomed to this, as ever since they had met, they had been constantly on the move and escaping for their lives. However, this was the first time Ren Dong felt like she was living like a real person. The smile on her face gradually widened day by day. But every night, she never slept with Gui Yan in the same room, and sometimes she wouldn’t even be in the house.
Ren Dong didn’t say anything so Gui Yan pretended as if he didn’t know. The two of them lived extremely happily. All the neighbors talked about how the two of them were such a loving couple. However, unknowingly, Gui Yan gradually began to smile and laugh less.
Then one night, Gui Yan heard a vomiting sound coming from the courtyard. He couldn’t pretend to sleep any longer and flipped off of the bed. When he got outside, he saw Ren Dong crouching in a corner of the courtyard and vomiting blood all over the ground. “Let’s return to Nanjiang.”
Ren Dong hurriedly wiped her mouth off and looked at Gui Yan in shock, “You…”
“Give him whatever he wants.” Gui Yan said, his expression the sternest Ren Dong had ever seen.
Ren Dong stroked her heart and shook her head. “I’ve married you so this is my home. I won’t go anywhere.”
“I’ve divorced you. Go back to Nanjiang by yourself!”
Ren Dong still shook her head. Gui Yan was furious. “What good do you see in me?! How am I worth you risking your life to accompany me?!”
“You saved me before.” Perhaps Gui Yan had never known how big of a grace his actions had been to someone of the Shaman Sect, or how touching his actions had been to her.
“I have never saved you. The first time was because I was interested in you temporarily, and the second time was an accident.”
Ren Dong did not believe him in her silence. She knew that even if he hadn’t actually saved her, he had protected her from the bottom of his heart. He had brought her to see the peach blossoms and married her home. Now, he was about to chase her away. Everything he did was for her sake.
Gui Yan saw Ren Dong hang her head, as she expressionlessly stood in the corner. The darkness seemed to have the power to break her lonely figure. Some dried blood that she hadn’t wiped away was still by her mouth. In this moment, his heart clenched and hurt, “What were his terms so that he would take away the gu?”
Ren Dong didn’t speak.
“What did he want!”
“… your head.”
Gui Yan’s forehead creased and he began to curse, “Does he have issues?!”
In circumstances like this, Ren Dong still smiled from Gui Yan’s yelled curse. “Yes, he has issues.”
However, Gui Yan couldn’t laugh. He looked fixedly at Ren Dong, as if he wanted to see through her. As he looked at her peaceful smile, he felt that over the millenium, this was the first time he had felt his heart pulse steadily while it throbbed in pain.
“When I was little, I was raised as a dead soldier [1]. I didn’t have any freedom or respect. I was only an instrument. I knew one day, I would die for someone else, and it could happen at any moment… but just as how everyone who knows they are going to die still yearns to live, I was also that way… Even if I could live for just a single moment longer, I was willing to put forth my all for that one moment… at least, that was what I thought in the past.” Ren Dong said, “But Gui Yan, it’s only after meeting you that I realized that I have never lived fully in the past. Just like what you said, I live, but I am quieter than one who is dead.
“The Sect Leader told me to kill you. I thought, If I really did do that, in the future, even if I can live for a thousand more years or a million more years, I am afraid everything lively in my life will disappear. But now, as I vomit blood and my heart hurts like it is being ripped apart, I feel my life is so lively that even I have been touched. Ah, Gui Yan, happiness really cannot make one live longer…”
Gui Yan swallowed. How would someone like him not understand this? He had known that Ren Dong’s body had already been so damaged by the gu’s poison that it would never return to what it used to be, even if the gu was removed. That was why he had allowed Ren Dong to return home with him by not heeding the law at all [2].
But, he had overestimated himself and overestimated Ren Dong.
Who knew when it had happened, but in his life, this girl who usually looked apathetic had no longer become just a simple “traveler”.
“Actually, Gui Yan, you probably know my body better than I do. Didn’t you make the decision for me already? Why do you want to chase me away now…”
“Did you think…” Gui Yan knit his brows and spoke with much difficulty, “I wouldn’t ache?”
His concern for her threw him into chaos. In the end, his heart had stirred.
Ren Dong was startled, as the squeezing pressure in her heart and the warmth of her blood spread through her entire body. She looked down and helplessly gave a bitter laugh, “I can’t do anything about that either. I still want to stay by your side.”
Gui Yan’s throat moved, “It’s up to you…”
“Gui Yan… I’m sorry.”
[1] A dead soldier is someone who is extremely well-trained to sacrifice his or her life in battle. They are typically used on the front line which is why they are called “dead soldiers”. No matter which side of the battle lost or won, very few dead soldiers survived.
[2] TL Speculation: What if Gui Yan never asked the Sect Leader for Ren Dong? Could this be what Gui Yan refers to by “breaking the law”? Or I guess “breaking the law” could mean etiquette?
Home is Where the Heart is
Nine.
Since then their lives together were very calm. The two of them were a little unaccustomed to this, as ever since they had met, they had been constantly on the move and escaping for their lives. However, this was the first time Ren Dong felt like she was living like a real person. The smile on her face gradually widened day by day. But every night, she never slept with Gui Yan in the same room, and sometimes she wouldn’t even be in the house.
Ren Dong didn’t say anything so Gui Yan pretended as if he didn’t know. The two of them lived extremely happily. All the neighbors talked about how the two of them were such a loving couple. However, unknowingly, Gui Yan gradually began to smile and laugh less.
Then one night, Gui Yan heard a vomiting sound coming from the courtyard. He couldn’t pretend to sleep any longer and flipped off of the bed. When he got outside, he saw Ren Dong crouching in a corner of the courtyard and vomiting blood all over the ground. “Let’s return to Nanjiang.”
Ren Dong hurriedly wiped her mouth off and looked at Gui Yan in shock, “You…”
“Give him whatever he wants.” Gui Yan said, his expression the sternest Ren Dong had ever seen.
Ren Dong stroked her heart and shook her head. “I’ve married you so this is my home. I won’t go anywhere.”
“I’ve divorced you. Go back to Nanjiang by yourself!”
Ren Dong still shook her head. Gui Yan was furious. “What good do you see in me?! How am I worth you risking your life to accompany me?!”
“You saved me before.” Perhaps Gui Yan had never known how big of a grace his actions had been to someone of the Shaman Sect, or how touching his actions had been to her.
“I have never saved you. The first time was because I was interested in you temporarily, and the second time was an accident.”
Ren Dong did not believe him in her silence. She knew that even if he hadn’t actually saved her, he had protected her from the bottom of his heart. He had brought her to see the peach blossoms and married her home. Now, he was about to chase her away. Everything he did was for her sake.
Gui Yan saw Ren Dong hang her head, as she expressionlessly stood in the corner. The darkness seemed to have the power to break her lonely figure. Some dried blood that she hadn’t wiped away was still by her mouth. In this moment, his heart clenched and hurt, “What were his terms so that he would take away the gu?”
Ren Dong didn’t speak.
“What did he want!”
“… your head.”
Gui Yan’s forehead creased and he began to curse, “Does he have issues?!”
In circumstances like this, Ren Dong still smiled from Gui Yan’s yelled curse. “Yes, he has issues.”
However, Gui Yan couldn’t laugh. He looked fixedly at Ren Dong, as if he wanted to see through her. As he looked at her peaceful smile, he felt that over the millenium, this was the first time he had felt his heart pulse steadily while it throbbed in pain.
“When I was little, I was raised as a dead soldier [1]. I didn’t have any freedom or respect. I was only an instrument. I knew one day, I would die for someone else, and it could happen at any moment… but just as how everyone who knows they are going to die still yearns to live, I was also that way… Even if I could live for just a single moment longer, I was willing to put forth my all for that one moment… at least, that was what I thought in the past.” Ren Dong said, “But Gui Yan, it’s only after meeting you that I realized that I have never lived fully in the past. Just like what you said, I live, but I am quieter than one who is dead.
“The Sect Leader told me to kill you. I thought, If I really did do that, in the future, even if I can live for a thousand more years or a million more years, I am afraid everything lively in my life will disappear. But now, as I vomit blood and my heart hurts like it is being ripped apart, I feel my life is so lively that even I have been touched. Ah, Gui Yan, happiness really cannot make one live longer…”
Gui Yan swallowed. How would someone like him not understand this? He had known that Ren Dong’s body had already been so damaged by the gu’s poison that it would never return to what it used to be, even if the gu was removed. That was why he had allowed Ren Dong to return home with him by not heeding the law at all [2].
But, he had overestimated himself and overestimated Ren Dong.
Who knew when it had happened, but in his life, this girl who usually looked apathetic had no longer become just a simple “traveler”.
“Actually, Gui Yan, you probably know my body better than I do. Didn’t you make the decision for me already? Why do you want to chase me away now…”
“Did you think…” Gui Yan knit his brows and spoke with much difficulty, “I wouldn’t ache?”
His concern for her threw him into chaos. In the end, his heart had stirred.
Ren Dong was startled, as the squeezing pressure in her heart and the warmth of her blood spread through her entire body. She looked down and helplessly gave a bitter laugh, “I can’t do anything about that either. I still want to stay by your side.”
Gui Yan’s throat moved, “It’s up to you…”
“Gui Yan… I’m sorry.”
[1] A dead soldier is someone who is extremely well-trained to sacrifice his or her life in battle. They are typically used on the front line which is why they are called “dead soldiers”. No matter which side of the battle lost or won, very few dead soldiers survived.
[2] TL Speculation: What if Gui Yan never asked the Sect Leader for Ren Dong? Could this be what Gui Yan refers to by “breaking the law”? Or I guess “breaking the law” could mean etiquette?
