“Ai Qing, what are you doing?”
I pause for a moment and then continue to fold my clothes. Why are my hands shaking?
“Pusysdeva, I am leaving. Thank you for bringing me here despite the danger,” I bite the corner inside my mouth to keep my tone calm, “Tell Rajiva that he made the right choice, but I do not plan on attending his wedding-”
“Ai Qing, you silly girl1!” Pusysdeva interrupts me with a pitying look, “I knew you would misunderstand. If I were not so busy with things, I would have told you earlier.”
1丫头 (yātou) lit. means ‘servant girl’ and is often used in a depreciating manner, but can also be used as a term of endearment in a gently chiding way. Obviously, Pusysdeva means the latter in this case, so I’m using ‘girl’ for simplicity’s sake.
“These are Xiao Xuan’s clothes and jewellery. Help me give them back to her. Also, be sure to thank her for me. She really is a good woman, very rare…”
What is happening? I told myself not to cry anymore, and yet to my disappointment, as soon as I uttered those parting words, the tears keep flowing.
“Ai Qing, stop packing so urgently. Let me finish talking first, alright?”
He sits down onto the bed, facing me, and stops my hand that is still trying to fold clothes, before telling me in the most serious voice: “The Kuchan princess who will be marrying elder brother in three days is no other than you!”
I feel as though I have been struck by lightning. I look at him with a sharp gaze and carefully search his face. It does not seem to be a joke.
“I have discussed it with uncle-king. He will make you his adopted daughter and grant you the princess title.”
He nods again in confirmation.
“But, you, did you not say that the princess to be married is named Agayamati? You are asking me to replace her?”
“Who wants you to replace her? It is you who is getting married. You are Agayamati, Princess of Kucha.”
A sly look overtakes Pusysdeva’s face. He raises his long eyebrow and winks at me, “Sure enough, you did not notice. Uncle-king also thought I was talking about my cousin. Even my clever elder brother got fooled by me for the very first time. Listen carefully: I said the princess’ name is Agayamati, not Asuyamati. The age difference between Asuyamati and elder brother is sixteen years. They have been merely cousins to each other, like brother and sister. Asuyamati has had a sweetheart for a long time. Do you remember Sudayara, my little comrade from the Royal Guards?”
The name sounds familiar. Ah. I now recall he was one of the four guards who accompanied me to the Tagan Fort*. He was the youngest of the bunch at the time, but was quite good-looking, well-built, tall and sturdy, and always had a shy smile.
* [see Ch. 33]
Seeing me nod, Pusysdeva continues: “Sudayara and Asuyamati have known each other since childhood, and have long been in love with each other. Sudayara is the lovesick type and has refused to get a wife. Princesses of Kucha have always been fated to be a tool for acquiring alliances with neighbouring states. If the war did not happen, Asuyamati would have been married off to some wily old Hu* man who is in his sixties by now. On the same day I swapped you for Asuyamati, I had made arrangements for the two of them to escape to Khotan.”
*胡 (Hú) is an ancient term used to refer to non-Han people, specifically nomadic people from Central and Western Asia. The term often carried a derogatory connotation that is similar to ‘barbarians’.
“This…you…” I am frazzled and look at Pusysdeva blankly.
He gives me a smug smile: “When I told uncle-king that Asuyamati has run away, he was extremely scared. Now, the only thing he can do is to quickly adopt a girl, make her a princess and name her Agayamati.”
“Is he not afraid of offending Lu Guang?”
“Having no princess to present, would it not be an even worse offence? The current situation is akin to having a knife to one’s neck, which Kuchan woman would dare to be the bride? Marrying a monk at that too. Kuchan people worship the Buddha, so in their view, [such an act] would surely be condemned. So he [the king] was worried about how to report to Lu Guang. When I told him that there is a Han woman who is willing to marry [brother], he was very happy.”
Suddenly, he pauses to look at me, probing: “Ai Qing, even though this is quite wrong, would you still be willing to marry [him]?”
“I-”
My heart is beating so vigorously, I am afraid that even Pusysdeva can hear it from opposite of me. Face hot, I nod slightly: “I am willing.”
“I knew it…” he looks at me carefully then lets out a sigh, “that even if you feel wronged, you would still do it.”
I do not want to discuss whether I am being wronged or not. That is not the focus right now. I ask: “However, Lu Guang knows me. Once he sees me, would he not use me against Rajiva?”
“You will be wearing a veil for the entire wedding, and only the husband-to-be can lift it. If he insists on checking, I will deal with it. After the wedding…” he sighs, “I have not thought about it because I do not know what Lu Guang wants to do next. However, the reason why Lu Guang wants to force elder brother to marry a wife is to announce to the world that he has broken his precepts and to destroy his status as a master monk. He does not care who elder brother marries. Since he no longer needs to rely on elder brother’s ability to rally supporters, he should not need to use you to threaten brother into compliance.”
Yeah, Pusysdeva is right. Lu Guang’s goal is to make Rajiva lose his religious power. He thinks that by doing this, he can force Rajiva to renounce monkhood. There is no way he can anticipate that Rajiva will be able to endure all of this for the next seventeen years in the name of his aspirations and end up gaining Yao Xing’s support later.
“Ai Qing, you can rest assured that I will protect you, even at the risk of my life.”
Pusysdeva takes my hands into his big palm, spreading warmth to my tangled heart. The sincerity in his eyes touches the deepest strings in my heart. I always feel indebted to him. My nose stings thinking about all the things he has done for me.
“Now, now, you know I hate seeing you cry the most. Ai Qing, I have always hoped for you to be happy. This is the only thing I can do for you.”
Seeing that the food on the table is still untouched, he says: “How about it, do you have the appetite for dinner now?”
I turn the tears into laughter*, pick up the naan bread and eat.
* 破泣为笑 an idiom, meaning is pretty self-explanatory (even if it does not seem to make the most sense sentence-wise here).
The Book of Jin1 only recorded six words: “wife is the princess of Kucha”, but not the name of said princess. In Hui Jiao’s Biography of Jiu Mo Luo Shi2, it was mentioned that a princess named A Jie Ye Mo Di [Agayamati] once invited Rajiva to give a lecture on Mahayana scriptures and was “extremely delighted”. As a result, later generations combined these two records and thought that Rajiva’s wife is the princess Hui Jiao mentioned.
1 an official historical text containing the history of the Jin dynasty from 265 to 420 CE, which also covers the Sixteen Kingdoms period that this story is set in, as it corresponds to Eastern Jin. The text was actually compiled a couple centuries later by the imperial court of Tang dynasty based on earlier official documents.
2 As a refresher, Jiu Mo Luo Shi is Kumarajiva’s name in Chinese, a combination of phonetic approximation and literal translation of the meaning of his name in Sanskrit. Hui Jiao lived circa 530 CE.
When I heard that Bai Chun’s youngest daughter is named Asuyamati, I took for granted that she is the woman Rajiva would marry later. A small difference in the pronunciation of the name is normal. After all, the name was translated into Chinese [in the record], and mistakes are common. Furthermore, Asuyamati did get selected by Lu Guang to provoke Rajiva into breaking his vows. But now I know that the name Agayamati was a name Pusysdeva blurted out in a moment of urgency.
History has not changed. No one can stop the wheel of fate from rolling. And I, a modern person from the 21st century, have merged into history thanks to a trivial name. But since I do exist [in this chapter of history], I will continue on my path, encouraging, supporting, and being with him.
Thinking of him, I cannot help but stop chewing: “Does Rajiva know?”
“Not yet. I cannot see him. Lu Guang has imprisoned him, and the guards are all his men so I cannot buy them with money.” He sighs, “It seems Lu Guang is still afraid that elder brother will try to kill himself before the wedding, so the security is extremely tight.”
I shake my head and say with conviction, “He will not kill himself. He has promised that he will live well and never say the word ever again.”
He glances at me and smiles, “Hearing you say that, I am relieved.”
He watches me eat for a while in silence, and then quietly says, “Ai Qing, do you think that this is a good thing for the two of you?”
I look up and catch his sharp grey eyes.
“Have you ever thought about how even though he loves you, Buddha still occupies his heart, and so he cannot leave monkhood. And you are too sensible, kept asking him to go to the Central Plains to spread the words of Buddha, not letting him leave monkhood. No matter how deep your love is, there was never a chance for you to be together. Lu Guang forcing brother to marry is terrible, but he has inadvertently fulfilled your love and solved your previous dilemmas.”
He lets out a deep sigh, pauses and looks at me. His eyes become dazed, and it takes a while before he refocuses on me, giving me a blank stare, “Since he must marry, marrying you is the best choice. At least he can give you an official status1.”
1 The Chinese word here is 名分 and actually has no equivalent in English as it is gender-specific and carries a certain connotation. The word refers to a ‘status/title/standing’ but one that is specific to a woman and is always in relation to a man, so the connotation is to be a man’s official wife (to put it crudely: be his Mrs. instead of his mistress or concubine). In the end, I opted for ‘official status’ to give a fuller meaning.
Official status? I have never thought about this, and have never dared to venture such an impossible demand. After the wedding, I will become his wife, perfectly legitimate in name* …
* 名正言顺 is a Chinese idiom, lit. ‘proper [in] title [that] saying [it makes people] submit’, meaning a title so official that the very word carries weight, that its use justifies its name.
“Also, I have arranged for someone to escort the princess, who should arrive tomorrow.”
“What?” I choke on a bit of soup and cough violently.
“What are you hurrying for!” he snorts and pats my back, “I needed to escort Xiao Xuan, your sister-in-law, here, or how else will she be present at the wedding?”
We are staying at the residence reserved for Kuchan royals in Subashi City, next to the Cakuri Temple. Pusysdeva’s status as the State Preceptor means he even has a separate courtyard. His living arrangements are only second to the king’s and Lu Guang’s. In ancient times, this kind of accommodation is already quite extravagant. That evening, to cover people’s eyes and ears, I still room with Pusysdeva, but he sleeps in the outer chamber, while Mi-er and I sleep in the inner chamber. I wonder if it is a figment of imagination, but during the night, I keep hearing the sound of tossing and turning from the outer chamber.
The next day, when I wake up, Pusysdeva is already long gone. To prevent discovery, I stay inside the whole day, waiting for Xiao Xuan to arrive. At noon, Pusysdeva returns to eat lunch with me. He is the person in charge of the wedding, so he has many things to prepare. The wedding will be held at the Cakuri Temple in accordance with Lu Guang’s wishes. The venue is a large square in front of the main hall. The bride-chamber* will be Rajiva’s own room in the temple, containing a small courtyard.
* where the marriage is to be consummated right after the wedding
I listen to him with a bitter heart. A wedding being held in a temple, the meditation room becoming the bride-chamber, and the guests are all monks. This wedding is really the one and only of its kind in history.
“Ai Qing!” He straightens my shoulders, leans down, and whispers: “Do not think so much…”
Then suddenly realizing something, he lets go of me and looking a bit embarrassed, “Forgot again, the Han’s rule about proper distance between men and women*. I have something to do, so I am leaving.”
*男女授受不亲 (nánnǚ shòushòu bù qīn) is a phrase from a chapter in Mencius (Mengzi)’s book titled “Li Lou I”. It means that “males and females shall not allow their hands to touch in giving or receiving anything” (translation by James Legge). Over time, it becomes an unspoken etiquette rule—men and women should keep a proper distance from each other. [see also: Ch. 24]
Seeing him hurrying to leave, I quickly stop him. I hesitate for a moment before saying, “Rest for a moment, then go.”
He is stunned, then his eyes clear in understanding. He pats his cheeks with both hands and smiles ruefully, “Is it that obvious?”
He touches his nose with his hand next, twice. “There must have been too many mosquitoes last night. They stirred me up so I could not sleep.”
I look up and meet his light grey eyes.
“Tonight, I must ask Xiao Xuan to catch mosquitoes for me,” he laughs and walks away with a smile, “Alright, I really have to go now. I have to ask about his news for you.”
In the evening, Pusysdeva returns with a Kuchan woman dressed extravagantly and wearing a veil. When I am still frozen in astonishment, the woman removes her veil. It is Xiao Xuan. Pusysdeva frowns and tells me that there is still no way to see Rajiva, but has heard in passing that he is still eating on time and spends most of his time meditating and chanting sutras. Pusysdeva asks me to exchange clothes with Xiao Xuan, then covers my face with a veil, and secretly brings me to meet the king and queen of Kucha.
I kowtow to Bai Zhen and the queen, who are sitting on a high dais. The queen steps down to help me up and observes me carefully. She is about middle-aged, round, and looks kinder than expected. She takes off the gold bracelet on her hand and, seeing that I already have the string of agate beads on my right hand, puts it on my left hand. The bracelet is quite big, so it wobbles on my hand. After some scrutiny, the queen suddenly sighs and speaks to me in Tocharian:
“Child, traditionally, the man ought to have first arranged for a matchmaker before settling on a betrothal date. Now, it has to be simplified. However, when it comes to the woman’s bridewealth*, the king and I will not wrong you.”
* aka bride price, paid by groom to bride’s family [T/N: I am rather mystified by the queen’s words here, since she is describing traditional Chinese wedding rituals, but they are Kuchan, so I am not so certain they have the same traditions. Could be a faux pas by author, unless the king and queen researched or got told by Pusysdeva/Xiao Xuan on Chinese traditions and are observing them for Ai Qing’s benefit?]
“A great many thanks to you, King and Queen. Ai Qing is a commoner and dares not to receive such courteous rites!”
“You have bowed to us, accepting us as your adoptive father and mother, so how can you continue to be a commoner!”
Bai Zhen also steps down from the dais, takes off a small lion jade pendant worn on his waist and gives it to the queen, who then fastens it on me.
“Remember, you are a princess of Kucha with the name Agayamati, and not the one of the Han person.”
When Bai Zhen says this, there is a note of dissatisfaction in his tone. He glares at Pusysdeva, who returns it with a nonchalant smile. That fearlessness brings me back to the Pusysdeva of eleven years ago, who always did as he pleased just like this.
“Ai Qing, what are you doing?”
I pause for a moment and then continue to fold my clothes. Why are my hands shaking?
“Pusysdeva, I am leaving. Thank you for bringing me here despite the danger,” I bite the corner inside my mouth to keep my tone calm, “Tell Rajiva that he made the right choice, but I do not plan on attending his wedding-”
“Ai Qing, you silly girl1!” Pusysdeva interrupts me with a pitying look, “I knew you would misunderstand. If I were not so busy with things, I would have told you earlier.”
1丫头 (yātou) lit. means ‘servant girl’ and is often used in a depreciating manner, but can also be used as a term of endearment in a gently chiding way. Obviously, Pusysdeva means the latter in this case, so I’m using ‘girl’ for simplicity’s sake.
“These are Xiao Xuan’s clothes and jewellery. Help me give them back to her. Also, be sure to thank her for me. She really is a good woman, very rare…”
What is happening? I told myself not to cry anymore, and yet to my disappointment, as soon as I uttered those parting words, the tears keep flowing.
“Ai Qing, stop packing so urgently. Let me finish talking first, alright?”
He sits down onto the bed, facing me, and stops my hand that is still trying to fold clothes, before telling me in the most serious voice: “The Kuchan princess who will be marrying elder brother in three days is no other than you!”
I feel as though I have been struck by lightning. I look at him with a sharp gaze and carefully search his face. It does not seem to be a joke.
“I have discussed it with uncle-king. He will make you his adopted daughter and grant you the princess title.”
He nods again in confirmation.
“But, you, did you not say that the princess to be married is named Agayamati? You are asking me to replace her?”
“Who wants you to replace her? It is you who is getting married. You are Agayamati, Princess of Kucha.”
A sly look overtakes Pusysdeva’s face. He raises his long eyebrow and winks at me, “Sure enough, you did not notice. Uncle-king also thought I was talking about my cousin. Even my clever elder brother got fooled by me for the very first time. Listen carefully: I said the princess’ name is Agayamati, not Asuyamati. The age difference between Asuyamati and elder brother is sixteen years. They have been merely cousins to each other, like brother and sister. Asuyamati has had a sweetheart for a long time. Do you remember Sudayara, my little comrade from the Royal Guards?”
The name sounds familiar. Ah. I now recall he was one of the four guards who accompanied me to the Tagan Fort*. He was the youngest of the bunch at the time, but was quite good-looking, well-built, tall and sturdy, and always had a shy smile.
* [see Ch. 33]
Seeing me nod, Pusysdeva continues: “Sudayara and Asuyamati have known each other since childhood, and have long been in love with each other. Sudayara is the lovesick type and has refused to get a wife. Princesses of Kucha have always been fated to be a tool for acquiring alliances with neighbouring states. If the war did not happen, Asuyamati would have been married off to some wily old Hu* man who is in his sixties by now. On the same day I swapped you for Asuyamati, I had made arrangements for the two of them to escape to Khotan.”
*胡 (Hú) is an ancient term used to refer to non-Han people, specifically nomadic people from Central and Western Asia. The term often carried a derogatory connotation that is similar to ‘barbarians’.
“This…you…” I am frazzled and look at Pusysdeva blankly.
He gives me a smug smile: “When I told uncle-king that Asuyamati has run away, he was extremely scared. Now, the only thing he can do is to quickly adopt a girl, make her a princess and name her Agayamati.”
“Is he not afraid of offending Lu Guang?”
“Having no princess to present, would it not be an even worse offence? The current situation is akin to having a knife to one’s neck, which Kuchan woman would dare to be the bride? Marrying a monk at that too. Kuchan people worship the Buddha, so in their view, [such an act] would surely be condemned. So he [the king] was worried about how to report to Lu Guang. When I told him that there is a Han woman who is willing to marry [brother], he was very happy.”
Suddenly, he pauses to look at me, probing: “Ai Qing, even though this is quite wrong, would you still be willing to marry [him]?”
“I-”
My heart is beating so vigorously, I am afraid that even Pusysdeva can hear it from opposite of me. Face hot, I nod slightly: “I am willing.”
“I knew it…” he looks at me carefully then lets out a sigh, “that even if you feel wronged, you would still do it.”
I do not want to discuss whether I am being wronged or not. That is not the focus right now. I ask: “However, Lu Guang knows me. Once he sees me, would he not use me against Rajiva?”
“You will be wearing a veil for the entire wedding, and only the husband-to-be can lift it. If he insists on checking, I will deal with it. After the wedding…” he sighs, “I have not thought about it because I do not know what Lu Guang wants to do next. However, the reason why Lu Guang wants to force elder brother to marry a wife is to announce to the world that he has broken his precepts and to destroy his status as a master monk. He does not care who elder brother marries. Since he no longer needs to rely on elder brother’s ability to rally supporters, he should not need to use you to threaten brother into compliance.”
Yeah, Pusysdeva is right. Lu Guang’s goal is to make Rajiva lose his religious power. He thinks that by doing this, he can force Rajiva to renounce monkhood. There is no way he can anticipate that Rajiva will be able to endure all of this for the next seventeen years in the name of his aspirations and end up gaining Yao Xing’s support later.
“Ai Qing, you can rest assured that I will protect you, even at the risk of my life.”
Pusysdeva takes my hands into his big palm, spreading warmth to my tangled heart. The sincerity in his eyes touches the deepest strings in my heart. I always feel indebted to him. My nose stings thinking about all the things he has done for me.
“Now, now, you know I hate seeing you cry the most. Ai Qing, I have always hoped for you to be happy. This is the only thing I can do for you.”
Seeing that the food on the table is still untouched, he says: “How about it, do you have the appetite for dinner now?”
I turn the tears into laughter*, pick up the naan bread and eat.
* 破泣为笑 an idiom, meaning is pretty self-explanatory (even if it does not seem to make the most sense sentence-wise here).
The Book of Jin1 only recorded six words: “wife is the princess of Kucha”, but not the name of said princess. In Hui Jiao’s Biography of Jiu Mo Luo Shi2, it was mentioned that a princess named A Jie Ye Mo Di [Agayamati] once invited Rajiva to give a lecture on Mahayana scriptures and was “extremely delighted”. As a result, later generations combined these two records and thought that Rajiva’s wife is the princess Hui Jiao mentioned.
1 an official historical text containing the history of the Jin dynasty from 265 to 420 CE, which also covers the Sixteen Kingdoms period that this story is set in, as it corresponds to Eastern Jin. The text was actually compiled a couple centuries later by the imperial court of Tang dynasty based on earlier official documents.
2 As a refresher, Jiu Mo Luo Shi is Kumarajiva’s name in Chinese, a combination of phonetic approximation and literal translation of the meaning of his name in Sanskrit. Hui Jiao lived circa 530 CE.
When I heard that Bai Chun’s youngest daughter is named Asuyamati, I took for granted that she is the woman Rajiva would marry later. A small difference in the pronunciation of the name is normal. After all, the name was translated into Chinese [in the record], and mistakes are common. Furthermore, Asuyamati did get selected by Lu Guang to provoke Rajiva into breaking his vows. But now I know that the name Agayamati was a name Pusysdeva blurted out in a moment of urgency.
History has not changed. No one can stop the wheel of fate from rolling. And I, a modern person from the 21st century, have merged into history thanks to a trivial name. But since I do exist [in this chapter of history], I will continue on my path, encouraging, supporting, and being with him.
Thinking of him, I cannot help but stop chewing: “Does Rajiva know?”
“Not yet. I cannot see him. Lu Guang has imprisoned him, and the guards are all his men so I cannot buy them with money.” He sighs, “It seems Lu Guang is still afraid that elder brother will try to kill himself before the wedding, so the security is extremely tight.”
I shake my head and say with conviction, “He will not kill himself. He has promised that he will live well and never say the word ever again.”
He glances at me and smiles, “Hearing you say that, I am relieved.”
He watches me eat for a while in silence, and then quietly says, “Ai Qing, do you think that this is a good thing for the two of you?”
I look up and catch his sharp grey eyes.
“Have you ever thought about how even though he loves you, Buddha still occupies his heart, and so he cannot leave monkhood. And you are too sensible, kept asking him to go to the Central Plains to spread the words of Buddha, not letting him leave monkhood. No matter how deep your love is, there was never a chance for you to be together. Lu Guang forcing brother to marry is terrible, but he has inadvertently fulfilled your love and solved your previous dilemmas.”
He lets out a deep sigh, pauses and looks at me. His eyes become dazed, and it takes a while before he refocuses on me, giving me a blank stare, “Since he must marry, marrying you is the best choice. At least he can give you an official status1.”
1 The Chinese word here is 名分 and actually has no equivalent in English as it is gender-specific and carries a certain connotation. The word refers to a ‘status/title/standing’ but one that is specific to a woman and is always in relation to a man, so the connotation is to be a man’s official wife (to put it crudely: be his Mrs. instead of his mistress or concubine). In the end, I opted for ‘official status’ to give a fuller meaning.
Official status? I have never thought about this, and have never dared to venture such an impossible demand. After the wedding, I will become his wife, perfectly legitimate in name* …
* 名正言顺 is a Chinese idiom, lit. ‘proper [in] title [that] saying [it makes people] submit’, meaning a title so official that the very word carries weight, that its use justifies its name.
“Also, I have arranged for someone to escort the princess, who should arrive tomorrow.”
“What?” I choke on a bit of soup and cough violently.
“What are you hurrying for!” he snorts and pats my back, “I needed to escort Xiao Xuan, your sister-in-law, here, or how else will she be present at the wedding?”
We are staying at the residence reserved for Kuchan royals in Subashi City, next to the Cakuri Temple. Pusysdeva’s status as the State Preceptor means he even has a separate courtyard. His living arrangements are only second to the king’s and Lu Guang’s. In ancient times, this kind of accommodation is already quite extravagant. That evening, to cover people’s eyes and ears, I still room with Pusysdeva, but he sleeps in the outer chamber, while Mi-er and I sleep in the inner chamber. I wonder if it is a figment of imagination, but during the night, I keep hearing the sound of tossing and turning from the outer chamber.
The next day, when I wake up, Pusysdeva is already long gone. To prevent discovery, I stay inside the whole day, waiting for Xiao Xuan to arrive. At noon, Pusysdeva returns to eat lunch with me. He is the person in charge of the wedding, so he has many things to prepare. The wedding will be held at the Cakuri Temple in accordance with Lu Guang’s wishes. The venue is a large square in front of the main hall. The bride-chamber* will be Rajiva’s own room in the temple, containing a small courtyard.
* where the marriage is to be consummated right after the wedding
I listen to him with a bitter heart. A wedding being held in a temple, the meditation room becoming the bride-chamber, and the guests are all monks. This wedding is really the one and only of its kind in history.
“Ai Qing!” He straightens my shoulders, leans down, and whispers: “Do not think so much…”
Then suddenly realizing something, he lets go of me and looking a bit embarrassed, “Forgot again, the Han’s rule about proper distance between men and women*. I have something to do, so I am leaving.”
*男女授受不亲 (nánnǚ shòushòu bù qīn) is a phrase from a chapter in Mencius (Mengzi)’s book titled “Li Lou I”. It means that “males and females shall not allow their hands to touch in giving or receiving anything” (translation by James Legge). Over time, it becomes an unspoken etiquette rule—men and women should keep a proper distance from each other. [see also: Ch. 24]
Seeing him hurrying to leave, I quickly stop him. I hesitate for a moment before saying, “Rest for a moment, then go.”
He is stunned, then his eyes clear in understanding. He pats his cheeks with both hands and smiles ruefully, “Is it that obvious?”
He touches his nose with his hand next, twice. “There must have been too many mosquitoes last night. They stirred me up so I could not sleep.”
I look up and meet his light grey eyes.
“Tonight, I must ask Xiao Xuan to catch mosquitoes for me,” he laughs and walks away with a smile, “Alright, I really have to go now. I have to ask about his news for you.”
In the evening, Pusysdeva returns with a Kuchan woman dressed extravagantly and wearing a veil. When I am still frozen in astonishment, the woman removes her veil. It is Xiao Xuan. Pusysdeva frowns and tells me that there is still no way to see Rajiva, but has heard in passing that he is still eating on time and spends most of his time meditating and chanting sutras. Pusysdeva asks me to exchange clothes with Xiao Xuan, then covers my face with a veil, and secretly brings me to meet the king and queen of Kucha.
I kowtow to Bai Zhen and the queen, who are sitting on a high dais. The queen steps down to help me up and observes me carefully. She is about middle-aged, round, and looks kinder than expected. She takes off the gold bracelet on her hand and, seeing that I already have the string of agate beads on my right hand, puts it on my left hand. The bracelet is quite big, so it wobbles on my hand. After some scrutiny, the queen suddenly sighs and speaks to me in Tocharian:
“Child, traditionally, the man ought to have first arranged for a matchmaker before settling on a betrothal date. Now, it has to be simplified. However, when it comes to the woman’s bridewealth*, the king and I will not wrong you.”
* aka bride price, paid by groom to bride’s family [T/N: I am rather mystified by the queen’s words here, since she is describing traditional Chinese wedding rituals, but they are Kuchan, so I am not so certain they have the same traditions. Could be a faux pas by author, unless the king and queen researched or got told by Pusysdeva/Xiao Xuan on Chinese traditions and are observing them for Ai Qing’s benefit?]
“A great many thanks to you, King and Queen. Ai Qing is a commoner and dares not to receive such courteous rites!”
“You have bowed to us, accepting us as your adoptive father and mother, so how can you continue to be a commoner!”
Bai Zhen also steps down from the dais, takes off a small lion jade pendant worn on his waist and gives it to the queen, who then fastens it on me.
“Remember, you are a princess of Kucha with the name Agayamati, and not the one of the Han person.”
When Bai Zhen says this, there is a note of dissatisfaction in his tone. He glares at Pusysdeva, who returns it with a nonchalant smile. That fearlessness brings me back to the Pusysdeva of eleven years ago, who always did as he pleased just like this.
