“Ai Qing-jiejie’s skin is really good-rosy, smooth and delicate, truly something for women to envy over!”
Xiao Xuan is helping me dress. According to Kuchan customs, the bride has to cover their head with a veil after pining up their hair in a bun. I was born in Jiangnan1, so my skin is naturally smoother than the women in ancient times. The freckles I gained from spending too much time outdoors have been covered up with foundation2, giving me quite the look of a girl with red lips and white teeth. This is amplified by the Kuchan wedding dress, which is also red and white. Is the woman with the painted face and shy-looking smile in the bronze mirror truly me?
1 江南 (Jiangnan or Jiang Nan) lit. means ‘south of the river’ and describes the geographic regions of China that are south of 长江 (Cháng Jiāng, lit. ‘Long River’), also known as Yangtze River in English. For point of reference: Kucha was located in modern-day Xinjiang Province, which is in the northwest corner of China. Jiangnan has mild weather and is a rich, prosperous region, so Jiangnan people were historically extolled in comparison to other regions, which carries to modern times judging by Ai Qing’s throwaway comment here on skin and beauty.
2 脂粉 lit. translates to ‘lard powder’, as lard was historically used to make face cream (not just in China, but in other parts of the world too). ‘Foundation’ is a modern word but it fits here since this is Ai Qing’s thoughts.
Cheerful music is being played outside and wedding songs are being sung, giving off a very lively atmosphere. Pusysdeva steps into the room. The colour of his face is not very good. I give him an inquiring look.
He sighs and says: “Traditionally, the groom has to fetch the bride. Lu Guang has sent several people to escort him [Rajiva], but he stubbornly resisted and refused to move.”
“It is alright. This wedding was originally a farce…” I shake my head gently. I know that he does not know the bride is me, yet my heart still feels somewhat bitter.
“Ai Qing, do not say such nonsense!” he gives me a sharp look and says with solemnity, “No matter what Lu Guang plans to do, this is still an official wedding, the only one in both of your lifetimes. Aren’t you usually very courageous? Show me the strong bride that you are!”
His words gave me chills. Seeing his firm look, I nod in determination.
He seems to be relieved with that, but a second later, his brows become furrowed again.
“I never found the opportunity to speak with him, so he still does not know that he is marrying you. But I am thinking, letting him find out in the bridal room is better. If he does not put up much protest, I am afraid that Lu Guang would become suspicious. Ai Qing, I am afraid that he will resist during the entirety of the wedding, making you feel wronged…”
I take a deep breath and look up with my most brilliant smile, ready to face anything, “You are right, Pusysdeva, this is the wedding of a lifetime, so no matter what, I will cherish it. I will not feel wronged. In fact, I am grateful to the heavens, to you, for helping me make this dream that I never dared to even dream, come true…”
There is a loud bang from outside. The crowd has already reached the door of the room. Pusysdeva asks Xiao Xuan to block them [from coming in] for a bit, for he still has something to say to me. Xiao Xuan glances at him but says nothing and only nods.
As soon as Xiao Xuan leaves, before I can even ask what he wants to say, I suddenly fall into a tight embrace. A sigh brushes the top of my head, “I used to think about how you would look like in a wedding dress, and it truly looks good.”
He gently lets me go but continues to stare at me the whole time, his eyes lost in a trance. But barely a moment later, he seems to recover and a smile returns to the corner of his mouth as he softly says, “In the future, I will no longer be able to hold you, sister-in-law…”
A warm kiss graces my forehead, and then my eyes are covered by a gorgeous red colour. The world looks different through that thin and see-through red cloth. Pusysdeva’s handsome smiling face stands out in that sea of red…
Ligong1 is only a wall away from the Cakuri Temple. The carriage to the temple does not go through the central entrance and instead takes me to the streets of Subashi City. The carriage travels slowly, and the sounds of suona2 and drums shake the sky the entire way. The bridal procession is full of Lu Guang’s people. They give out fruits and naan to the surrounding crowd [as they go].
1离宫 (ligong) lit. means ‘detached palace’, refers to palaces outside of the capital city that the royal family would reside in when travelling. As mentioned in previous chapter, this is where they were all staying after the whole situation at Cakuri Temple.
2 double-reeded horn, a Chinese wind instrument
Lu Guang’s nephew, Lu Long, keep yelling this chant: “Today is the day Master Kumarajiva marries. The Master welcomes everyone to come and see the ceremony at the Cakuri Temple. Meals and drinks will be provided by the Master. Everyone should come!”
Someone besides Lu Long translates his words into Tocharian.
Pusysdeva’s face darkens and is about to ride his horse to the front, but I lift up the carriage’s curtain and call him back, shaking my head. It is only then do I finally see through my red veil all the looks of resentment and contempt being shot at me. My heart is saddened. So this is the effect that Lu Guang’s propaganda seeks: for everyone to despise us.
Xiao Xuan, who has been siting besides me, pulls my hand away from the curtain and holds it tightly in her grasp. My heart feels warm. With such support, why should I heed the angry looks outside? Thinking of Pusysdeva, I hold my head high. I have to be a strong bride. Today, I am marrying the person I love.
The street parade finally comes to an end as the carriage stops in the square in front of the temple’s main hall. Pusysdeva helps me step down from the carriage and brings me to the center of the square. This is supposed to be done by the groom but instead, his younger brother is doing it for him.
The sky has turned completely dark. Every corner is lit up with brilliant lights and decorated with lanterns and colourful banners, turning the square into somewhat of a funny sight. Nearly a thousand people have gathered. In the center are the monks who are forced to be present per Lu Guang’s order. The outer ring consists of mostly local people. The loud cheerful music plays quite the juxtaposition against the sorrowful looks on the monks’ faces, making the atmosphere incredibly sombre.
Lu Guang, Bai Zhen and the Queen are sitting on a dais. Rajiva stands in the middle of the square. He is wearing a set of red robes that are too big on him, along with a white pointed cone hat typical of Kuchan people. However, his outfit is in disarray and there are fresh bruises on his face. One can imagine what kind of struggle occurred when he was forced into these clothes.
Pusysdeva places me next to Rajiva and then steps away. Through the thin veil, I can see that his face is cold, withdrawn; his eyes are half-closed; and his mouth is chanting sutras non-stop. From the moment I enter the square until now, he has not looked at me even once. In his eyes, I am simply air.
Lu Guang gives Bai Zhen a nod. Bai Zhen stands up and announces rather awkwardly:
“Today, this king is marrying off a daughter to the Master, who is the son of my sister, deepening our familial relationship even further. It is my hopes that Master will treat my child well, that you will be a loving couple, and that you will live and grow old together.”
“Ah, the Great King must have misspoken. How can you still say ‘Master’?” Lu Guang interrupts Bai Zhen with a loud laugh, putting great emphasis on the word ‘Master’, “Your nephew is getting married, so how can he still stay behind Buddha’s door. If all the monks take after him, would this not undermine Buddha’s abode?”
“General Lu, a monk taking a wife is indeed something unheard of, but surely everyone knows the reason for it?” Rajiva, who has been chanting sutras, suddenly opens his eyes and gives Lu Guang a sharp look.
He then turns around to speak to the monks:
“Once, there was a demon who sent heavenly maidens to seduce the bodhisattva Upholder of the Age and destroy his spiritual practice. The bodhisattva Upholder of the Age refused. Only Master Vimalakirti was happy to accept them. People expressed disapproval, but Master Vimalakirti did not defend himself, and instead taught the maidens in private on the practice [of Buddhism]. Sure enough, the maidens then came to learn that the joy of spiritual practice was greater than the pleasures of the five desires.* Rajiva will follow the example of Master Vimalakirti, meditate and devote himself to spiritual practice, to find joy in his own way.”
* Rajiva is summarizing an excerpt from Chapter 4 of the Vimalakirti Sutra (previously discussed in Ch. 46). Further context of the excerpt: Vimalakirti was feigning illness at the time in order to gain sympathy visits, which he would then use as opportunities to teach others on various Buddhist principles. The Buddha eventually also sent his disciples and a few bodhisattvas to visit, who all refused due to previous encounters with Vimalakirti, where he had shown them his wisdom. The bodhisattva Upholder of Age was one of them, and this was the anecdote he recounted to the Buddha. I translated this passage based on of Burton Watson’s 1997’s English translation, which was in turn based on Kumarajiva’s Chinese translation (and why I chose his translation).
The ‘five desires’ most likely refer to the five aggregates of attachment or skandhas in Sanskrit and khandhas in Pāḷi, which are the five factors that give rise to craving (desires) or attachment (Source: Wiki).
His bright, shrewd gaze travels over everyone, but those eyes do not land on me at all. His tone is sad but firm: “Rajiva has entered through Buddha’s door, and each day alive is another day devoted towards serving Buddha, absolutely never returning to secular life. This marriage is being performed under compulsion. My Buddha is compassionate, so even if he condemns this sin, the punishment will be mid-tiered. But the person behind this compulsion committed a sin of the highest grade and is unforgiveable.”
Rajiva says it again in Tocharian, completely ignoring the utterly discomfited look on Lu Guang’s face.
The crowd roars, moved by Rajiva’s perseverance. Lu Guang’s face has twisted into something dark and ugly; he sneers:
“Is that so? If a sin of the highest grade has already occurred, then Lu-mou cares not if a few more sins are committed!”
Lu Guang waves a hand and his men immediately bring out dozens of wine jars. As soon as the lids are opened, the smell of wine permeates throughout the entire square, causing the monks to frown and cover their noses. One soldier begins to give a bowl to each monk, and another soldier would then fill the bowl with wine. The monks tremble as they hold the bowls of wine.
“Genera Lu, what are you trying to do?” Rajiva shouts, furious.
“Today, Master is getting married, so all the masters should also share in your happiness. If they have come to attend the wedding, then should they not drink a bowl of wine?” Lu Guang replies with a cold smile.
At last, Bai Zhen also cannot bear it anymore and stands up to persuade:
“General Lu, today this king is marrying off his daughter, what is not good about keeping things happy? Why must you force the masters to violate the precepts?”
“Great King, it is your nephew who ignored Lu-mou’s good intentions, causing the masters to suffer with him!”
Unable to contain his anger, Rajiva’s chest is heaving violently and his fists are clenched: “Rajiva is already a man who violated the precepts. Rajiva will drink all the wine in place of the monks.”
He approaches the monks and says in a solemn voice: “General Lu will no doubt be disappointed, for even if he drinks to death, Rajiva will never leave the monastic order!”
As soon as he finishes his sentence, he walks towards the little sramanera [novice monk] nearest to him, picks up his bowl and drinks it until the last drop.
“Teacher!” the little sramanera shouts in tears when he sees that the Rajiva is coughing due to the alcohol.
Rajiva wipes his mouth with his sleeve, goes to the next monk, picks up his bowl of wine and drinks it all.
“Can Master drink all the wine here?” Lu Guang’s face is getting darker and darker.
“Can.”
He only spits out one word, yet it sounds like the world’s biggest promise, shattering the hearts of everyone present.
“General Lu, there is also me.”
That was Pusysdeva, who then strides over to Rajiva and steals the third bowl from his hand.
“I also can,” the captain of the royal guards steps out from behind Bai Zhen, walks up to the monks, and begins to drink [for them].
“I can also drink for the masters!”
More and more people are stepping forward.
“I can too!”
“I will drink!”
“And me!”
The voices ring out in an endless stream. Even civilians from the outer ring of the crowd are also stepping forward.
“You-” Lu Guang’s anger explodes like thunder and the hairs on his eyebrows are standing upside down.
He pulls out the sword from his waist.
“Good! You do not want to drink a toast, but a fine! Let this old man see how stiff your Kuchan necks are!”
“General, don’t!”
The one standing in front of him is Du Jin, Lu Guang’s most competent and trusted advisor. Since I am standing close to them, I can hear Du Jin whispering to Lu Guang:
“Too much force and people will rebel, which will be of no benefit to us. General, please think thrice!”
Lu Guang suddenly wakes up and reluctantly sheaths his sword.
Bai Zhen quickly steps forward to end the ceremony:
“It is no longer early. Let’s allow the masters go back to rest, so that Master and my little girl can also enter the bridal room early!”
“Ai Qing-jiejie’s skin is really good-rosy, smooth and delicate, truly something for women to envy over!”
Xiao Xuan is helping me dress. According to Kuchan customs, the bride has to cover their head with a veil after pining up their hair in a bun. I was born in Jiangnan1, so my skin is naturally smoother than the women in ancient times. The freckles I gained from spending too much time outdoors have been covered up with foundation2, giving me quite the look of a girl with red lips and white teeth. This is amplified by the Kuchan wedding dress, which is also red and white. Is the woman with the painted face and shy-looking smile in the bronze mirror truly me?
1 江南 (Jiangnan or Jiang Nan) lit. means ‘south of the river’ and describes the geographic regions of China that are south of 长江 (Cháng Jiāng, lit. ‘Long River’), also known as Yangtze River in English. For point of reference: Kucha was located in modern-day Xinjiang Province, which is in the northwest corner of China. Jiangnan has mild weather and is a rich, prosperous region, so Jiangnan people were historically extolled in comparison to other regions, which carries to modern times judging by Ai Qing’s throwaway comment here on skin and beauty.
2 脂粉 lit. translates to ‘lard powder’, as lard was historically used to make face cream (not just in China, but in other parts of the world too). ‘Foundation’ is a modern word but it fits here since this is Ai Qing’s thoughts.
Cheerful music is being played outside and wedding songs are being sung, giving off a very lively atmosphere. Pusysdeva steps into the room. The colour of his face is not very good. I give him an inquiring look.
He sighs and says: “Traditionally, the groom has to fetch the bride. Lu Guang has sent several people to escort him [Rajiva], but he stubbornly resisted and refused to move.”
“It is alright. This wedding was originally a farce…” I shake my head gently. I know that he does not know the bride is me, yet my heart still feels somewhat bitter.
“Ai Qing, do not say such nonsense!” he gives me a sharp look and says with solemnity, “No matter what Lu Guang plans to do, this is still an official wedding, the only one in both of your lifetimes. Aren’t you usually very courageous? Show me the strong bride that you are!”
His words gave me chills. Seeing his firm look, I nod in determination.
He seems to be relieved with that, but a second later, his brows become furrowed again.
“I never found the opportunity to speak with him, so he still does not know that he is marrying you. But I am thinking, letting him find out in the bridal room is better. If he does not put up much protest, I am afraid that Lu Guang would become suspicious. Ai Qing, I am afraid that he will resist during the entirety of the wedding, making you feel wronged…”
I take a deep breath and look up with my most brilliant smile, ready to face anything, “You are right, Pusysdeva, this is the wedding of a lifetime, so no matter what, I will cherish it. I will not feel wronged. In fact, I am grateful to the heavens, to you, for helping me make this dream that I never dared to even dream, come true…”
There is a loud bang from outside. The crowd has already reached the door of the room. Pusysdeva asks Xiao Xuan to block them [from coming in] for a bit, for he still has something to say to me. Xiao Xuan glances at him but says nothing and only nods.
As soon as Xiao Xuan leaves, before I can even ask what he wants to say, I suddenly fall into a tight embrace. A sigh brushes the top of my head, “I used to think about how you would look like in a wedding dress, and it truly looks good.”
He gently lets me go but continues to stare at me the whole time, his eyes lost in a trance. But barely a moment later, he seems to recover and a smile returns to the corner of his mouth as he softly says, “In the future, I will no longer be able to hold you, sister-in-law…”
A warm kiss graces my forehead, and then my eyes are covered by a gorgeous red colour. The world looks different through that thin and see-through red cloth. Pusysdeva’s handsome smiling face stands out in that sea of red…
Ligong1 is only a wall away from the Cakuri Temple. The carriage to the temple does not go through the central entrance and instead takes me to the streets of Subashi City. The carriage travels slowly, and the sounds of suona2 and drums shake the sky the entire way. The bridal procession is full of Lu Guang’s people. They give out fruits and naan to the surrounding crowd [as they go].
1离宫 (ligong) lit. means ‘detached palace’, refers to palaces outside of the capital city that the royal family would reside in when travelling. As mentioned in previous chapter, this is where they were all staying after the whole situation at Cakuri Temple.
2 double-reeded horn, a Chinese wind instrument
Lu Guang’s nephew, Lu Long, keep yelling this chant: “Today is the day Master Kumarajiva marries. The Master welcomes everyone to come and see the ceremony at the Cakuri Temple. Meals and drinks will be provided by the Master. Everyone should come!”
Someone besides Lu Long translates his words into Tocharian.
Pusysdeva’s face darkens and is about to ride his horse to the front, but I lift up the carriage’s curtain and call him back, shaking my head. It is only then do I finally see through my red veil all the looks of resentment and contempt being shot at me. My heart is saddened. So this is the effect that Lu Guang’s propaganda seeks: for everyone to despise us.
Xiao Xuan, who has been siting besides me, pulls my hand away from the curtain and holds it tightly in her grasp. My heart feels warm. With such support, why should I heed the angry looks outside? Thinking of Pusysdeva, I hold my head high. I have to be a strong bride. Today, I am marrying the person I love.
The street parade finally comes to an end as the carriage stops in the square in front of the temple’s main hall. Pusysdeva helps me step down from the carriage and brings me to the center of the square. This is supposed to be done by the groom but instead, his younger brother is doing it for him.
The sky has turned completely dark. Every corner is lit up with brilliant lights and decorated with lanterns and colourful banners, turning the square into somewhat of a funny sight. Nearly a thousand people have gathered. In the center are the monks who are forced to be present per Lu Guang’s order. The outer ring consists of mostly local people. The loud cheerful music plays quite the juxtaposition against the sorrowful looks on the monks’ faces, making the atmosphere incredibly sombre.
Lu Guang, Bai Zhen and the Queen are sitting on a dais. Rajiva stands in the middle of the square. He is wearing a set of red robes that are too big on him, along with a white pointed cone hat typical of Kuchan people. However, his outfit is in disarray and there are fresh bruises on his face. One can imagine what kind of struggle occurred when he was forced into these clothes.
Pusysdeva places me next to Rajiva and then steps away. Through the thin veil, I can see that his face is cold, withdrawn; his eyes are half-closed; and his mouth is chanting sutras non-stop. From the moment I enter the square until now, he has not looked at me even once. In his eyes, I am simply air.
Lu Guang gives Bai Zhen a nod. Bai Zhen stands up and announces rather awkwardly:
“Today, this king is marrying off a daughter to the Master, who is the son of my sister, deepening our familial relationship even further. It is my hopes that Master will treat my child well, that you will be a loving couple, and that you will live and grow old together.”
“Ah, the Great King must have misspoken. How can you still say ‘Master’?” Lu Guang interrupts Bai Zhen with a loud laugh, putting great emphasis on the word ‘Master’, “Your nephew is getting married, so how can he still stay behind Buddha’s door. If all the monks take after him, would this not undermine Buddha’s abode?”
“General Lu, a monk taking a wife is indeed something unheard of, but surely everyone knows the reason for it?” Rajiva, who has been chanting sutras, suddenly opens his eyes and gives Lu Guang a sharp look.
He then turns around to speak to the monks:
“Once, there was a demon who sent heavenly maidens to seduce the bodhisattva Upholder of the Age and destroy his spiritual practice. The bodhisattva Upholder of the Age refused. Only Master Vimalakirti was happy to accept them. People expressed disapproval, but Master Vimalakirti did not defend himself, and instead taught the maidens in private on the practice [of Buddhism]. Sure enough, the maidens then came to learn that the joy of spiritual practice was greater than the pleasures of the five desires.* Rajiva will follow the example of Master Vimalakirti, meditate and devote himself to spiritual practice, to find joy in his own way.”
* Rajiva is summarizing an excerpt from Chapter 4 of the Vimalakirti Sutra (previously discussed in Ch. 46). Further context of the excerpt: Vimalakirti was feigning illness at the time in order to gain sympathy visits, which he would then use as opportunities to teach others on various Buddhist principles. The Buddha eventually also sent his disciples and a few bodhisattvas to visit, who all refused due to previous encounters with Vimalakirti, where he had shown them his wisdom. The bodhisattva Upholder of Age was one of them, and this was the anecdote he recounted to the Buddha. I translated this passage based on of Burton Watson’s 1997’s English translation, which was in turn based on Kumarajiva’s Chinese translation (and why I chose his translation).
The ‘five desires’ most likely refer to the five aggregates of attachment or skandhas in Sanskrit and khandhas in Pāḷi, which are the five factors that give rise to craving (desires) or attachment (Source: Wiki).
His bright, shrewd gaze travels over everyone, but those eyes do not land on me at all. His tone is sad but firm: “Rajiva has entered through Buddha’s door, and each day alive is another day devoted towards serving Buddha, absolutely never returning to secular life. This marriage is being performed under compulsion. My Buddha is compassionate, so even if he condemns this sin, the punishment will be mid-tiered. But the person behind this compulsion committed a sin of the highest grade and is unforgiveable.”
Rajiva says it again in Tocharian, completely ignoring the utterly discomfited look on Lu Guang’s face.
The crowd roars, moved by Rajiva’s perseverance. Lu Guang’s face has twisted into something dark and ugly; he sneers:
“Is that so? If a sin of the highest grade has already occurred, then Lu-mou cares not if a few more sins are committed!”
Lu Guang waves a hand and his men immediately bring out dozens of wine jars. As soon as the lids are opened, the smell of wine permeates throughout the entire square, causing the monks to frown and cover their noses. One soldier begins to give a bowl to each monk, and another soldier would then fill the bowl with wine. The monks tremble as they hold the bowls of wine.
“Genera Lu, what are you trying to do?” Rajiva shouts, furious.
“Today, Master is getting married, so all the masters should also share in your happiness. If they have come to attend the wedding, then should they not drink a bowl of wine?” Lu Guang replies with a cold smile.
At last, Bai Zhen also cannot bear it anymore and stands up to persuade:
“General Lu, today this king is marrying off his daughter, what is not good about keeping things happy? Why must you force the masters to violate the precepts?”
“Great King, it is your nephew who ignored Lu-mou’s good intentions, causing the masters to suffer with him!”
Unable to contain his anger, Rajiva’s chest is heaving violently and his fists are clenched: “Rajiva is already a man who violated the precepts. Rajiva will drink all the wine in place of the monks.”
He approaches the monks and says in a solemn voice: “General Lu will no doubt be disappointed, for even if he drinks to death, Rajiva will never leave the monastic order!”
As soon as he finishes his sentence, he walks towards the little sramanera [novice monk] nearest to him, picks up his bowl and drinks it until the last drop.
“Teacher!” the little sramanera shouts in tears when he sees that the Rajiva is coughing due to the alcohol.
Rajiva wipes his mouth with his sleeve, goes to the next monk, picks up his bowl of wine and drinks it all.
“Can Master drink all the wine here?” Lu Guang’s face is getting darker and darker.
“Can.”
He only spits out one word, yet it sounds like the world’s biggest promise, shattering the hearts of everyone present.
“General Lu, there is also me.”
That was Pusysdeva, who then strides over to Rajiva and steals the third bowl from his hand.
“I also can,” the captain of the royal guards steps out from behind Bai Zhen, walks up to the monks, and begins to drink [for them].
“I can also drink for the masters!”
More and more people are stepping forward.
“I can too!”
“I will drink!”
“And me!”
The voices ring out in an endless stream. Even civilians from the outer ring of the crowd are also stepping forward.
“You-” Lu Guang’s anger explodes like thunder and the hairs on his eyebrows are standing upside down.
He pulls out the sword from his waist.
“Good! You do not want to drink a toast, but a fine! Let this old man see how stiff your Kuchan necks are!”
“General, don’t!”
The one standing in front of him is Du Jin, Lu Guang’s most competent and trusted advisor. Since I am standing close to them, I can hear Du Jin whispering to Lu Guang:
“Too much force and people will rebel, which will be of no benefit to us. General, please think thrice!”
Lu Guang suddenly wakes up and reluctantly sheaths his sword.
Bai Zhen quickly steps forward to end the ceremony:
“It is no longer early. Let’s allow the masters go back to rest, so that Master and my little girl can also enter the bridal room early!”
