* see T/N at the end of the chapter
The door squeaks behind us as it closes, and the sound of footsteps outside gets smaller and smaller until it fades away. A pair of red candles illuminates the plain but spotless room, dyeing the surroundings in a strange red glow. Because of his exalted status and his position as the abbot, Rajiva gets his own room and a separate courtyard in Cakuri Temple. Before, I used to observe his work in the temple and knew that his living quarters are here, but to avoid raising suspicion [by others], I have never once visited. I did not expect that I would be spending my wedding night here.
The room is disturbingly quiet. How should I tell him that the bride is me? Should I lift the veil myself? Or, should I wait and see what his reaction will be? Unable to decide, I turn and stare at the bookshelf propped against the wall.
“You have been wronged today.”
Huh? I turn around and look at him through the red silk. A hazy handsome figure fills my eyes. My heart is beating fast. Is he drunk? Or is he always this gentle with any woman?
“Rajiva did not expect that you and I would become husband and wife.”
When he looks up, there is a satisfied smile blooming at the corners of his mouth. The words ‘husband and wife’ are repeated softly with reverence and unbridled joy. He gazes at me with eyes shining like waves reflected in the light, drowning me with it:
“Becoming husband and wife, like a pair of birds flying close together1, unwavering in determination2—what Rajiva has never dared to ask of in this life was somehow realized tonight.”
1 比翼双飞 – Chinese idiom, rough literal translation is “like a pair of wings flying”, or per MDBG: “a pair of birds flying close together”, which means to become as one.
2 夭志不移 – another Chinese idiom but one that is not yet catalogued in MDBG or other Chinese dictionaries, so I could only go by the meaning I found from Baike Baidu (Chinese Wiki).
Dumbfounded, I look at him. My head is so confused that I do not know how to act. Just earlier, he was so unyielding and aloof in front of the crowd, so why is he suddenly showing a change of heart? Does he know who he is talking to?
“You must be tired. The past few days, you must have not slept well. Rest early tonight.”
He approaches me and is about to take my hand, but I quickly dodge him.
“What is the matter? Is this to censure Rajiva for treating you coldly in the wedding earlier?”
The soft, intoxicating voice of his is blowing like a breeze into my ears. Holding back a smile, he whispers: “I did not know it was you at the time, and there was no time to consider it. You have such a kind heart, so you will not blame Rajiva for that, right?”
“You-You know who I am already?”
That tone of voice, he only uses with me when no one else is present. I bring up a hand to pull down the veil.
“Don’t!”
He stays my hand and gazes at it for a long while before saying gently: “The veil should only be removed by the groom.”
The sea of red before my eyes for the past hours finally disappears. The silk has just slipped off and I have just adjusted my eyes to the light when I fall into a warm embrace. Laying against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, I realize it is beating just as fast as mine! A moment later, he separates from my body slightly and rests his hands on my waist, looks up and down at me before sighing in a low voice:
“Ai Qing, the wedding dress looks beautiful on you.”
“You-How did you know it was me?”
If I remember correctly, throughout the entire ceremony, he did not spare me even a glance. Suddenly, I recall when we were ushered into the bridal chamber. He was walking in the front; his back was straight but his shoulders were shaking. At the time, I thought that he must still be angry, but could it be that he already knew the bride was me?
He opens his palm and reveals a small piece of pencil.
“This-This is…”
“Pusysdeva gave it to me.”
He smiles, happiness overflowing from the depths of his eyes.
“Remember? Right when he snatched the third bowl that I was going to drink, that was when he placed it in my palm.”
Pusysdeva? I am stunned. No wonder he kept winking at me right before we entered the bridal chamber, but I did not get it then. But did he not say that he wanted to let Rajiva realize it by himself? Was he worried that Rajiva would hurt me unintentionally? Also, how many years has it been, and yet he still carries the items I left behind…
“I always thought you were Asuyamati, so I never looked at you. Rajiva had already decided not to enter even half a step into this chamber, but upon receiving this writing brush, Rajiva understood it all at once.”
He lowers his head right next to my ear; every exhaled breath tickles: “Rajiva quickly looked at the bride who was left alone in the center of the yard, and realized with surprise that the girl who is standing and looking like she has been wronged is you!”
In the midst of chaos, I did not pay attention to whether he was looking at me. I twist my body away and ask with a red face:
“But I was wearing a veil, so how could you tell it was me?”
“You are the woman that Rajiva is most familiar with in this world, so how could I not recognize your figure?”
He grins mischievously then glances up and down at me again:
“Asuyamati is taller, but not as fair and graceful as you. But, how did you exchange places?”
I bring him to sit at the edge of the bed with me and recount the whole story. Once Rajiva finally understands everything, he keeps shaking his head as he smiles, for even he was fooled by Pusysdeva.
Despite clearing everything, I still feel uneasy. After thinking about it for a moment, I decide to ask him:
“Rajiva, do you regret marrying me?”
He looks at me in surprise.
“Ai Qing, you know that Rajiva’s heart towards you has not changed for the past twenty years. Rajiva can barely thank Buddha enough for allowing me to take you as my wife, so how can there be regret?”
“But…” I stammer, “Did you not say that the joy of spiritual practice is greater than the pleasures of the five desires? 1”
1 [refer to previous chapter, where he recounted the moral of a story from Vimalakirti Sutra.]
He is momentarily surprised before he suddenly breaks into a sheepish smile:
“If you are facing a woman you do not love, of course there would be no desire. However, right now, Rajiva’s wife is you—a drop of honey that is so sweet and pure, Rajiva is deeply trapped in it, unable to extricate himself, and is, in fact, unwilling to extricate himself. That story about the elephant, the five poisons, and the mice1 shows that no man can escape such a predicament. Rajiva is also a man with seven emotions and six desires2. Unable to escape this tribulation, unable to enter nirvana, but so long as [I] can get this honey drop of you, Rajiva will cease to fear anything.”
1 [refer to Ch. 49 for a refresher on the parable of “The Man in the Well”]
2 七情六欲 or ‘Seven Emotions [and] Six Desires’ is a Chinese concept with varying origins and interpretations depending on the school of thought. The ‘Seven Emotions’ according to the Book of Rites (Confucianism) are: 喜 joy, 怒 anger, 哀 sorrow, 惧 fear, 爱 love, 恶 hate, and 欲 desire. For Buddhism, they are: 喜joy, 怒 anger, 忧 worry, 惧 fear, 爱 love, 憎 resentment, and 欲 desire. Traditional Chinese medicine believes the ‘Seven Emotions’ are linked to organs, and that excessive emotions can thus lead to physical ailments. The ‘Six Desires’ according to Master Lu’s Spring and Autumn Annals are desires from 生 life and 死 death, and desires sensed through 耳 ears, 目 eyes, 口 mouth, and 鼻 nose. Buddhism considers the ‘Six Desires’ to be: lust, appearance, prestigious reputation, to speak words/hear sounds, good life/death, and interpersonal relationships. Modern theories position the ‘Six Desires’ as desires caused by the opposite sex in relation to love (ahem, heteronormativity much). (Source: Baike Baidu)
He seems to recall something and raises his head in contemplation. The smile on his face fades. When he looks at me again, his eyes are filled with guilt. My heart constricts at the sight. In the end, it looks like there is still something he is brooding over. Until when will this knot in his heart be untangled?
He places one hand on the back of mine, uses the other hand to brush aside the hair strands fluttering in front of my forehead, and says slowly and gently:
“Ai Qing, the greatest promise in the world that a man can make to his beloved is marriage. You have chosen to give yourself to me and have suffered so many wrongs. You and I have long been husband and wife. Rajiva has always hoped that he can give you an official status…”
I let out a slow exhale of relief. So that was all in my heart. He does not regret marrying me.
I smile, shaking my head: “I do not mind-”
“But I do,” he interrupts me, looks up for a moment, thinking, and when his eyes return to me, they are lit like crystals, “Ai Qing, while being held captive for the past two days, Rajiva kept thinking about the moment you gave me a nod at the temple. The hopelessness in your eyes at the time broke Rajiva’s heart. Rajiva thought you would leave, for how could you endure seeing Rajiva marry another person? But if you leave, then we would be separated by a thousand years, how would Rajiva know where to look for you? Even if I am willing to wait for you for another ten, twenty years, you would not come back.”
He is crying and holding onto my hand tightly, as if afraid that I would disappear the moment he lets go.
“Rajiva thought that he has lost you completely this time. This thought made Rajiva feel so scared and for two days, so regretful, so regretful ah! If I knew I was going to be forced to take a wife, then why did I not marry you earlier? Why did Rajiva not give you the official status that I have always wanted to but never dared to? What calling, what wishes, beliefs—these things became restraints tying me up, causing me to fail you.”
The corner of his lips tremble as he strokes my face:
“Ai Qing, Rajiva cannot bear to lose you again…”
With tears on my face, I bring a shaking hand up to stroke his face, his sunken cheeks, unable to say a word, only enough strength left to shake my head.
He calls out my name in a choked voice, strokes my forehead with both hands before touching our foreheads together.
“So upon receiving this writing brush, it felt as if Rajiva could hear thunder ringing in my head, giving me mixed feelings*. The person Rajiva married is you, is actually you! At that moment, I even felt grateful to Lu Guang. He has ruined my life-long spiritual practice, forced me to break the precepts and marry, but thanks to the mercy of Buddha, the union of you and Rajiva became possible. This was the deepest desire Rajiva had but never dared to admit. So, Rajiva no longer resents him [Lu Guang].”
*original phrase is 五味杂陈, a Chinese idiom roughly translated as “display of mixed five flavours”. 五味 or five flavours refer to “sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, and salty”. They are mixed here, so this idiom is about describing mixed and complex feelings.
Light gray eyes envelop me in their gaze, wiping away my tears.
“But you must have felt wronged, my wife…”
My wife!
I shake my head vigorously. Have I been wronged? Perhaps in the eyes of others, I have. My “first night”* was spent while being watched and under much humiliation. The wedding day was hardly any sort of celebration in the face of swords and dagger-axes. However, I do not regret it. I love him. It is not about who loves who more, or who has sacrificed more. I want to follow him, and this desire is so strong that as long as he loves me, what does it matter that others think I have been wronged?
* euphemism, referring to what happened in Ch. 42
“Rajiva, have you forgotten that I am from the future? Records about you write that ‘wife is the princess of Kucha’ named Agayamati. I have always thought I do not exist in the history of your life, but do you see now, I am that Kuchan princess. I am Agayamati. So I exist in your history, and you are the one I married—that is destiny. That I crossed over a thousand years to come here, met you, fell in love with you, and became your wife—all of that has been arranged by the gods a long time ago. So I do not regret it, nor do I feel that I have been wronged…
“A thousand years from now, there will be a monk called Tsangyang Gyatso. Titled the Dalai Lama, he was the highest-ranking living Buddha of Tubo1. But like you, he also fell in love. He was a gifted scholar and wrote many poems for his lover, Makye Ame. One of them went like this:
‘Ashamed that my feelings have dirtied the holy path,
I remained afraid of the alluring beauty after entering the mountain.
In this world, how can one fulfill both,
Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.’ 2
“Unfortunately, he could not find a way to fulfill both. His lover was forced to marry another person, and he died while being escorted to the capital of the Central Plains3, when he was merely in his twenties.”
1 吐蕃 is the old Chinese name for Tibet.
2 [T/N: see my Introduction post to this novel for translation’s notes on this poem. About Tsangyang Gyatso (1683-1706), the 6th Dalai Lama: He was infamous because he preferred a hedonistic lifestyle over being a monk and in fact renounced monkhood in 1702. His love poems are famous to this day not just in Tibet but also in China (Source: Wiki). Him and his poems are mentioned often in this novel.]
3 “Escorted” here means escorted as a criminal. He was actually deposed and kidnaped by Lha-bzang Khan, khan of the Khoshut, which is part of the tripartite powers that ruled Tibet since 1642. The Khoshut khan controlled military, while executive power was in the hands of a regent (desi) originally appointed by the Khoshut khan, and religious power was of course under the Dalai Lama. Read his Wiki page for the full picture but basically, the usual politics and power struggles came to a head during the 6th Dalai Lama’s time, and his behaviour was used as an excuse to depose him, which was also approved by the Chinese Emperor Kangxi of Qing Dynasty. That also indirectly led to Chinese involvement in Tibetan politics. ‘Cause, imperialism.]
I pause to stop the sniffles and then smile at him.
“But Rajiva, I want to change the last two lines for you:
‘In this world, one can fulfill both,
Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.’
As long as you dare to marry me, I dare to be the wife of a monk. After death, we will enter hell together. Even if we have to climb a mountain, face against a knife, or enter a hot frying pan, as long as I am with you, I am not afraid!”
Moved, he stares at me, “In this world, one can fulfill both: Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.”
He asks in disbelief: “Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you*. Ai Qing, can Rajiva really do it?”
* [T/N: It only occurred to me now that the author has been making a pun (sorta) this whole time. The ‘you’ here is actually 卿 (qīng) in Chinese, an old pronoun/term of endearment from husband to wife. Again, see my Introduction post for why I translated it as ‘you’. Our heroine’s name is 艾晴 (pinyin: Ài Qíng). Ai is her surname, Qing is her given name. Chinese culture dictates that you must use full name when the given name is mono-syllable, so that’s why it has been always stated/said in full (see also: Lu Guang, Fu Jian), but notice how Ai Qing doesn’t use Rajiva’s surname. Anyhow, basically when Rajiva says the last clause, it can sound like ‘faithful to Qing’, as in Ai Qing specifically.]
“You can. As long as you pay no heed to the slanders of this generation and the criticisms of later generations.”
He smiles with his eyes and gives a firm nod:
“As long as he can complete the mission given by Buddha and allowed to be with you, Rajiva is content and asks for nothing else.”
He bends his head down and kisses me. There is still a smell of wine lingering in his mouth, making me feel as though I have been intoxicated by happiness. His tears soak my cheeks and mix in with my own tears, and the salty taste travels from the kiss into my heart.
“My wife…” he murmurs and pulls me into his arms. I feel like I am bathing naked underneath the sun, returning to the state of nature, but without any shame. Dear Buddha, was I created just for him?
“Oh, that’s right. Ai Qing, earlier during the ceremony, there should have been a witness who would announce us as husband and wife. But because the chaos at the time interrupted the ceremony. Come-”
He takes me by the hand to a table, where a statue of Buddha is placed in the centre. He lights up a few incense sticks and clasps them in his hands as he kneels down: “We will ask Buddha to be the witness.”
Even though I am a modern person whose education was based on materialism*, I still feel hesitation and shrink back: “Rajiva, you-are you not afraid of Buddha’s reproach?”
* Materialism is the philosophical concept that “holds that matter is the fundamental substance in nature, and that all things, including mental states and consciousness, are results of material interactions.” It is “closely related to physicalism—the view that all that exists is ultimately physical.” (Source: Wiki)
He looks at me tenderly and gently shakes his head:
“We have been through so many tribulations to be together, do you not think that perhaps it is Buddha’s will? Buddha is compassionate, how could he bear to make us suffer again?”
Turning back to the statue of Buddha, he says out loud in a solemn voice:
“May Buddha bear witness that from today on, Rajiva and Ai Qing will become husband and wife, who will live and die in the same spot1, never to be parted or abandoned2.”
1 生同衾,死同穴 a Chinese idiom that originates from Wang Shifu’s play titled《西厢记》or The Story of the Western Wing aka Romance of the Western Chamber. Wang Shifu was from Yuan dynasty (1271–1368), while the play is set during Tang dynasty (618–690 and 705–907). The idiom literally translates to “born in the same place, die in the same spot/hole”, describing a couple’s deep feelings for each other. (Source: Baike Baidu)
2 不离不弃 a Chinese idiom that originates from 紅樓夢 (Hónglóumèng) or Dream of the Red Chamber, one of China’s Four Great Classical Novels and written some time in the middle of the 18th century during the Qing dynasty (Source: Baike Baidu and Wiki). The idiom literally translates to “not separate, not abandon”, the meaning is rather self-explanatory and similar to the English phrase “until death do us apart” in wedding vows.
[Fun fact: The Story of the Western Wing was a major source of influence on Dream of the Red Chamber. All of that said, how does a 3rd century monk know about idioms that originated from a 12th century and an 18th century work? Talk about anachronism.]
He splits the incense sticks in half with me. We raise the sticks up near the top of our head, kowtows three times, and places the sticks into the incense burner.
“Rajiva…”
I sniff hard to hold back the tears that are about to overflow and look up at Buddha’s kind face. At this moment, I hope that Buddha is looking at us from above, smiling and giving us his blessings.
Once we are done with the incense, he seems to suddenly recall something and asks me:
“Where is that painting of your parents, the one that you called a ‘photograph’?”
The photo has always been kept on me. I give it to him, somewhat puzzled. He takes it, looks at it for a moment, then places it on the table, and kowtows three times*.
* Per traditional Chinese wedding customs, the bride and groom would kowtow three times each to the heaven (sky), to their parents/elders, and finally to each other as part of the ceremony. Rajiva kowtowed to Buddha earlier for the first one, and now to Ai Qing’s parents (for deceased parents in the case of Rajiva’s, you could use death tablets, but maybe Kuchan don’t have that). [T/N: Again, not sure how Rajiva knows this Chinese tradition.]
“Dear father-in-law and mother-in-law, Rajiva is grateful to you both for raising such a fine daughter. In order to accompany Rajiva, she is unable to return to fulfill her filial duties—the fault belongs to this son-in-law. You both need not worry, for Rajiva vows to never let her down in this life.”
Unable to help it anymore, I begin to cry in earnest, touch my forehead to the ground and kowtow three times to my parents. Before I began this time-travelling project, I never dared to mention it to my parents; part of it was because I was afraid that they would worry, and the other reason was because the project has to be kept a secret. I also figured that I would return anyhow, sooner or later. But now, I have made up my mind to stay by his side.
Mom and dad, I’m sorry for not letting you see your daughter get married in person, and for the fact that you do not even get to know who your son-in-law is. But, your daughter is very happy. Has never been so happy. Won’t you be glad for my happiness? Forgive this daughter for not being filial. Please take care…
We have paid respect to Buddha and to the parents. Now, it is our turn. I bend down and tie the hems of our robes together. He follows my movements with surprise. Once again, I kowtow three times and make a vow in my most pious voice:
“May Buddha and parents bear witness, Rajiva and I have tied the hems to promise a hundred years together, and that whoever dies at ninety-seven, will wait for the other for three years at Naihe Bridge…1”
1 [See Endnote regarding Chapter’s title, which will also explain this vow.]
He has been kneeling besides me. As soon as I finish my vow, he also kowtows three times to me. When he raises his head, his eyes are shining bright again.
“Ai Qing, no matter how many years it takes, Rajiva is willing to wait…”
“Me too…”
He pulls up his sleeve and reveals the colourful silk scarf tied around his wrist. He smiles, filled with emotions, takes off the scarf and carefully ties it around my neck. In return, I take off the bracelet made of agate beads and puts it back on his wrist. Ten fingers clasp each other, one shoulder falls onto the other—from this moment on, we officially become husband and wife, and will be husband and wife for the rest of our lives.
____________________________________________________________________________
T/N regarding Chapter’s title:
Translating this title was a whole journey because Lương Hiền opted for an equivalent phrase in Vietnamese, and I’d rather translate the original expression than translating the Viet phrase—the work is the same either way, anyway. You can skip to the end for the simple explanation, but I want to recount the journey because: a) I think it will give a more nuanced understanding, and b) you can also get a glimpse into my translation process for certain words/phrases/idioms that have no English equivalent, particularly when the Vietnamese translation offers no real guidance.
I haven’t been this stressed over a chapter’s title since Ch. 5… (the irony of this chapter being double-5 is not lost on me…)
NOTE: I will be going from a character-by-character analysis to a contextual analysis to finally, the actual cultural reference that the title originated from.
To start with, the chapter’s title in Chinese is 结角定百年 (pinyin: jié jiǎo dìng bǎinián). Breaking this down character by character with the help of MDBG (a Chinese-English dictionary) and we have:
结 “to tie”
角 “corner, angle”
定 “to set, to fix, to determine”
百年 “[one] hundred years”
So a literal and rough translation I could use is “Tying the corners to set a hundred years”. It sorta works but makes little sense and sounds no better than machine-translation (ahem, Google Translate).
My next step is to work from Lương Hiền’s translation: “Kết tóc xe tơ”. It is a Vietnamese idiomatic expression that originates from an ancient wedding ritual of tying the bride and groom’s locks of hair together like silk threads, symbolizing marriage as the act of becoming one. It most likely has a Chinese origin (we were a Chinese colony for over a thousand years…). I therefore guessed that the original Chinese title must mean something similar.
I then searched up traditional Chinese wedding rituals for guidance and found that the tying-hair-into-a-knot was indeed one of the rituals. A little aside: The second character in the title, 角, apparently can also refer to an ancient three-legged wine cup. Anyone who has watched Chinese wedding in historical dramas might have seen the bride and groom crossing their arms and drink from opposite cups of wine, a practice that can still be seen in some weddings today (in Vietnam too). The only thing left is the ‘hundred years’ part. I figured that it probably is to wish that the marriage will last a hundred years, which is a common phrase.
At this point, I could stop with the research and just go back to fine-tuning the wording of the translation, maybe add in the wine cup for further accuracy. But something nagged at me.
Isn’t this title too wordy?
Sure, the whole title in Chinese is not long (bless the Chinese and their love of brevity), but I find it odd that it would refer to not one but three wedding customs in one title. Something doesn’t feel right.
I then decided to throw in the entire title into Google and see what comes up (using Chrome so I can translate the pages of course).
Unsurprisingly, a few of the results had to do with our novel. However, there was one answer from Baidu Zhidao (think Yahoo!Answers and Quora) that seems to refer to some wedding tradition about tying the hems of clothes together, and also something about “if die at 97 years old, wait for 3 years at Naihe Bridge” (per Chrome’s translation). Huh. What is this about. A further dive into Baidu Zhidao and I got the lyrics of a song from Liu San-jie. Now that is definitely familiar!
Another folk song from Liu San-jie was already referenced in Ch. 26, so could this be?
A quick refresher on Liu San-jie (from my T/N in Ch. 26):
* Liu San Jie is a legend of the Zhuang people of the Guangxi region, an ethnic minority in China with a population of 18 million in today’s times, second in number only to the Han. The story tells of a fearless folk singer by the name of Liu Shanhua, nicknamed Liu San Jie because she was the third daughter, beloved by all in her village for her beauty, singing voice and for refusing to be cowed by the tyrannical landlord Mo Huairen. Hundreds of years later, the legend was made into a wildly popular musical in early 1960 and then a film later in the same year, which was a huge sensation both at home and abroad.
I was told that the song’s title is《藤缠树》, or “Vine winding around tree” and a part of it goes like this:
连就连
我两结角定百年
哪个九十七岁
奈何桥上等三年
One traveller, in their account of watching the musical in water-puppets form, offered this translation: “Let’s twine for a hundred years. If one of us dies at age 97, the other would be waiting at Naihe Bridge in the next three years.” According to Chinese folk religion, Naihe Bridge or “Bridge of Helplessness”, is one that every soul has to cross before being reincarnated (Source: Wiki page on “Diyu”). This was a promise between Liu San-jie and her lover, that if one of them dies early, they will wait for the other at the Naihe Bridge so that they can be reincarnated together.
Unsurprisingly, this scene became iconic and the love song a favourite amongst many in China. Given that Xiao Chun already made reference to Liu San-jie before, it seems most likely the musical/film is also a favourite of hers ^^
“Let’s twine for a hundred years” does sound lovely but in the end, I went with a more literal translation about tying the hems of clothes together after re-reading the chapter and seeing what Ai Qing did.
TLDR; To translate this chapter’s title, I went from a character-by-character analysis to a contextual analysis via Vietnamese translation to finally, some g*ogling to discover the actual cultural reference that the title originated from, which is two-fold:
An old wedding tradition of tying the hems of the bride and groom’s robes together; and A reference to a love song from the musical/musical film Liu San-jie (first mentioned in Ch. 26), about a promise between lovers to be together for a hundred years, inseparable like vine and tree, and that should one of them die early, to wait for the other before reincarnating at Naihe Bridge.
____________________________________________________________________________
IMPORTANT:
Over the past weeks and since my last update, I have been receiving way too many comments demanding updates from me. A few even lamented on my slow progress in translating this novel, and how it has already been so many years since I started. This has happened before but it was rare, so I let it pass. However, this recent surge has upset me greatly and in fact contributed to me being less inclined to translate lately, hence this delayed update.
I will address this topic once and hopefully never again.
Please do NOT demand updates from me. Do NOT ask when I will update either. And most importantly, do NOT guilt me into updating. I will update when I can. If I ever decide to drop this project, then I will make an explicit announcement about it. So do not ask about updates because I will delete any such comments (have already done so for the really rude ones).
Look, in a way, I do appreciate that you all love this novel so much that you want to be able to read the next chapter as soon as possible. However, pressing me for updates will not make it happen. If you really want to encourage me to update, then press “Like” (if you’re a WordPress user) and/or leave a comment on the chapters, which doesn’t have to be anything long. A simple thanks will do or if you want, talk about what you enjoyed or did not enjoy in the chapter. Feel free to point out plot holes, criticize characters, etc (but don’t be mean or hateful about it).
You don’t have to leave a comment, of course, and I would never pressure you guys into doing so. But consider this:
Over the past several weeks, I received close to TEN comments asking for updates on various posts and would have no doubt received more, had I not recently disabled anonymous commenting. For scale: I only received five comments on the last chapter I posted, two of which were requests for updates. On the chapter before that, I received three comments. I don’t keep a particularly close eye, but I am generally aware of who is a first-time commenter and who is not. So if the first and only time you ever comment on my blog is to ask for updates, reflect on that.
The timing of this recent surge of comments demanding updates is not lost on me. This pandemic has placed many of us in lockdown, which led to us having more “free” time the past months. I was able to translate and update more frequently during this time and as a result, also gained more new readers. These new readers must have gotten used to this frequency of updates that the moment I took a break (to give priority to a pressing human right and social justice issue, might I remind you all; read my last post if you missed it), some of you then got impatient and started to harass me.
I have said this multiple times. It is even in my disclaimer on the sidebar.
I am translating this novel on a free and voluntary basis. I do this out of love for this novel, out of a desire to promote this novel to a wider audience who does not have access to it due to language barrier and may never will (because the likelihood of getting official English translation is so low). I do not owe any of you anything. If you do not like my pace of translating, you don’t have to keep reading. You can just stop and come back later when I am done.
I will be removing the Progress tab/page from this blog as of today. A kind reader once suggested that I do this to avoid potential future headaches. I didn’t heed their words until now. This way, you don’t have to keep checking that page to know when I will update and feel frustrated. It will benefit us both.
Now, if you really want to know why my pace is so slow? Read on. It will get very personal here, which I never intended to do but in the spirit of transparency and to help some of you manage your expectations, I will tell you.
[Warning: Personal stuff. Don’t read if you don’t want to.]
To put it in plain and colloquial terms: Shit happens.
This is a side project I do as a hobby, which means it is not high on my life’s priority list. I started translating when I was in college, when I was juggling both school and a part-time job. Making sure I got good grades and don’t starve was precedent at the time. Then I had to deal with internships and finally, the “real world”, aka a full-time job. Making sure I don’t starve is of course an ever-present and pressing need in the background.
I alluded to it in a previous post, but the last job I had (for three years) sucked me dry. It was incredibly stressful and I worked over-time a lot. I had weekends off, but the workweek often left me with barely any energy left to do house chores and take care of myself, let alone think about translating.
I have left that job for something better late last year. However, not all is well because here’s the other thing that makes life hard: I have anxiety and high-functioning depression. The latter means that although I may appear put-together, calm and collected, etc, and can usually perform well in academic/work settings, when I go home, I am usually operating at 10% battery or less. The former means I have varying mood swings, that I can get triggered by random and not-so-random stuff, and making me spiral into bad states, particularly when coupled with the aforementioned depression.
This was what I was dealing with the past couple weeks, partly as a result of being overwhelmed by current events and worsened when I received these demanding comments. This pandemic has not been the best of times for all of us (an understatement), but it is even worse for neurodivergent folx.
I am telling you all of this not to gain your sympathy or pity, but to explain why I go on hiatuses so often and why my progress on this novel has been so slow.
[End of personal stuff.]
As you all have realized by now reading my translation work: This novel is hard to translate. It is partly because I am doing a re-translation, yes, but as you can see from my various T/N and the above endnote, I have been trying hard to cross-reference and research whenever needed to give you the most accurate translation I can (the perfectionist in me demands so). So to translate a chapter is very time-consuming, and some chapters are more so than the other.
In conclusion, I only ask that you all be kind and patient with me in this project. Leave comments whenever you want, but if you got nothing nice to say, then please don’t.
As always, I do appreciate all of you for reading and following this project. Seeing comments about how much you enjoy this novel, what new things you have learned through reading, what things you relate to from your experience/knowledge, they all make me very very happy. That is all I want to do at the end of the day: To give you something to enjoy and hopefully help expand your world’s view. If I have managed to do so at some point for even one of you, then I am content.
Things are re-opening more and more these days, but I hope you all continue to be careful and safe. Take care of yourself (physically, mentally) and of others around you. If you are of age, do participate and engage politically not just as a citizen in your country, but as a citizen of the world as well. Not just during this time, but every day in the future too. Don’t look away from current (and past) events. Every thing you do matters, no matter how small you may think it is.
Until next time, my friends!
* see T/N at the end of the chapter
The door squeaks behind us as it closes, and the sound of footsteps outside gets smaller and smaller until it fades away. A pair of red candles illuminates the plain but spotless room, dyeing the surroundings in a strange red glow. Because of his exalted status and his position as the abbot, Rajiva gets his own room and a separate courtyard in Cakuri Temple. Before, I used to observe his work in the temple and knew that his living quarters are here, but to avoid raising suspicion [by others], I have never once visited. I did not expect that I would be spending my wedding night here.
The room is disturbingly quiet. How should I tell him that the bride is me? Should I lift the veil myself? Or, should I wait and see what his reaction will be? Unable to decide, I turn and stare at the bookshelf propped against the wall.
“You have been wronged today.”
Huh? I turn around and look at him through the red silk. A hazy handsome figure fills my eyes. My heart is beating fast. Is he drunk? Or is he always this gentle with any woman?
“Rajiva did not expect that you and I would become husband and wife.”
When he looks up, there is a satisfied smile blooming at the corners of his mouth. The words ‘husband and wife’ are repeated softly with reverence and unbridled joy. He gazes at me with eyes shining like waves reflected in the light, drowning me with it:
“Becoming husband and wife, like a pair of birds flying close together1, unwavering in determination2—what Rajiva has never dared to ask of in this life was somehow realized tonight.”
1 比翼双飞 – Chinese idiom, rough literal translation is “like a pair of wings flying”, or per MDBG: “a pair of birds flying close together”, which means to become as one.
2 夭志不移 – another Chinese idiom but one that is not yet catalogued in MDBG or other Chinese dictionaries, so I could only go by the meaning I found from Baike Baidu (Chinese Wiki).
Dumbfounded, I look at him. My head is so confused that I do not know how to act. Just earlier, he was so unyielding and aloof in front of the crowd, so why is he suddenly showing a change of heart? Does he know who he is talking to?
“You must be tired. The past few days, you must have not slept well. Rest early tonight.”
He approaches me and is about to take my hand, but I quickly dodge him.
“What is the matter? Is this to censure Rajiva for treating you coldly in the wedding earlier?”
The soft, intoxicating voice of his is blowing like a breeze into my ears. Holding back a smile, he whispers: “I did not know it was you at the time, and there was no time to consider it. You have such a kind heart, so you will not blame Rajiva for that, right?”
“You-You know who I am already?”
That tone of voice, he only uses with me when no one else is present. I bring up a hand to pull down the veil.
“Don’t!”
He stays my hand and gazes at it for a long while before saying gently: “The veil should only be removed by the groom.”
The sea of red before my eyes for the past hours finally disappears. The silk has just slipped off and I have just adjusted my eyes to the light when I fall into a warm embrace. Laying against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, I realize it is beating just as fast as mine! A moment later, he separates from my body slightly and rests his hands on my waist, looks up and down at me before sighing in a low voice:
“Ai Qing, the wedding dress looks beautiful on you.”
“You-How did you know it was me?”
If I remember correctly, throughout the entire ceremony, he did not spare me even a glance. Suddenly, I recall when we were ushered into the bridal chamber. He was walking in the front; his back was straight but his shoulders were shaking. At the time, I thought that he must still be angry, but could it be that he already knew the bride was me?
He opens his palm and reveals a small piece of pencil.
“This-This is…”
“Pusysdeva gave it to me.”
He smiles, happiness overflowing from the depths of his eyes.
“Remember? Right when he snatched the third bowl that I was going to drink, that was when he placed it in my palm.”
Pusysdeva? I am stunned. No wonder he kept winking at me right before we entered the bridal chamber, but I did not get it then. But did he not say that he wanted to let Rajiva realize it by himself? Was he worried that Rajiva would hurt me unintentionally? Also, how many years has it been, and yet he still carries the items I left behind…
“I always thought you were Asuyamati, so I never looked at you. Rajiva had already decided not to enter even half a step into this chamber, but upon receiving this writing brush, Rajiva understood it all at once.”
He lowers his head right next to my ear; every exhaled breath tickles: “Rajiva quickly looked at the bride who was left alone in the center of the yard, and realized with surprise that the girl who is standing and looking like she has been wronged is you!”
In the midst of chaos, I did not pay attention to whether he was looking at me. I twist my body away and ask with a red face:
“But I was wearing a veil, so how could you tell it was me?”
“You are the woman that Rajiva is most familiar with in this world, so how could I not recognize your figure?”
He grins mischievously then glances up and down at me again:
“Asuyamati is taller, but not as fair and graceful as you. But, how did you exchange places?”
I bring him to sit at the edge of the bed with me and recount the whole story. Once Rajiva finally understands everything, he keeps shaking his head as he smiles, for even he was fooled by Pusysdeva.
Despite clearing everything, I still feel uneasy. After thinking about it for a moment, I decide to ask him:
“Rajiva, do you regret marrying me?”
He looks at me in surprise.
“Ai Qing, you know that Rajiva’s heart towards you has not changed for the past twenty years. Rajiva can barely thank Buddha enough for allowing me to take you as my wife, so how can there be regret?”
“But…” I stammer, “Did you not say that the joy of spiritual practice is greater than the pleasures of the five desires? 1”
1 [refer to previous chapter, where he recounted the moral of a story from Vimalakirti Sutra.]
He is momentarily surprised before he suddenly breaks into a sheepish smile:
“If you are facing a woman you do not love, of course there would be no desire. However, right now, Rajiva’s wife is you—a drop of honey that is so sweet and pure, Rajiva is deeply trapped in it, unable to extricate himself, and is, in fact, unwilling to extricate himself. That story about the elephant, the five poisons, and the mice1 shows that no man can escape such a predicament. Rajiva is also a man with seven emotions and six desires2. Unable to escape this tribulation, unable to enter nirvana, but so long as [I] can get this honey drop of you, Rajiva will cease to fear anything.”
1 [refer to Ch. 49 for a refresher on the parable of “The Man in the Well”]
2 七情六欲 or ‘Seven Emotions [and] Six Desires’ is a Chinese concept with varying origins and interpretations depending on the school of thought. The ‘Seven Emotions’ according to the Book of Rites (Confucianism) are: 喜 joy, 怒 anger, 哀 sorrow, 惧 fear, 爱 love, 恶 hate, and 欲 desire. For Buddhism, they are: 喜joy, 怒 anger, 忧 worry, 惧 fear, 爱 love, 憎 resentment, and 欲 desire. Traditional Chinese medicine believes the ‘Seven Emotions’ are linked to organs, and that excessive emotions can thus lead to physical ailments. The ‘Six Desires’ according to Master Lu’s Spring and Autumn Annals are desires from 生 life and 死 death, and desires sensed through 耳 ears, 目 eyes, 口 mouth, and 鼻 nose. Buddhism considers the ‘Six Desires’ to be: lust, appearance, prestigious reputation, to speak words/hear sounds, good life/death, and interpersonal relationships. Modern theories position the ‘Six Desires’ as desires caused by the opposite sex in relation to love (ahem, heteronormativity much). (Source: Baike Baidu)
He seems to recall something and raises his head in contemplation. The smile on his face fades. When he looks at me again, his eyes are filled with guilt. My heart constricts at the sight. In the end, it looks like there is still something he is brooding over. Until when will this knot in his heart be untangled?
He places one hand on the back of mine, uses the other hand to brush aside the hair strands fluttering in front of my forehead, and says slowly and gently:
“Ai Qing, the greatest promise in the world that a man can make to his beloved is marriage. You have chosen to give yourself to me and have suffered so many wrongs. You and I have long been husband and wife. Rajiva has always hoped that he can give you an official status…”
I let out a slow exhale of relief. So that was all in my heart. He does not regret marrying me.
I smile, shaking my head: “I do not mind-”
“But I do,” he interrupts me, looks up for a moment, thinking, and when his eyes return to me, they are lit like crystals, “Ai Qing, while being held captive for the past two days, Rajiva kept thinking about the moment you gave me a nod at the temple. The hopelessness in your eyes at the time broke Rajiva’s heart. Rajiva thought you would leave, for how could you endure seeing Rajiva marry another person? But if you leave, then we would be separated by a thousand years, how would Rajiva know where to look for you? Even if I am willing to wait for you for another ten, twenty years, you would not come back.”
He is crying and holding onto my hand tightly, as if afraid that I would disappear the moment he lets go.
“Rajiva thought that he has lost you completely this time. This thought made Rajiva feel so scared and for two days, so regretful, so regretful ah! If I knew I was going to be forced to take a wife, then why did I not marry you earlier? Why did Rajiva not give you the official status that I have always wanted to but never dared to? What calling, what wishes, beliefs—these things became restraints tying me up, causing me to fail you.”
The corner of his lips tremble as he strokes my face:
“Ai Qing, Rajiva cannot bear to lose you again…”
With tears on my face, I bring a shaking hand up to stroke his face, his sunken cheeks, unable to say a word, only enough strength left to shake my head.
He calls out my name in a choked voice, strokes my forehead with both hands before touching our foreheads together.
“So upon receiving this writing brush, it felt as if Rajiva could hear thunder ringing in my head, giving me mixed feelings*. The person Rajiva married is you, is actually you! At that moment, I even felt grateful to Lu Guang. He has ruined my life-long spiritual practice, forced me to break the precepts and marry, but thanks to the mercy of Buddha, the union of you and Rajiva became possible. This was the deepest desire Rajiva had but never dared to admit. So, Rajiva no longer resents him [Lu Guang].”
*original phrase is 五味杂陈, a Chinese idiom roughly translated as “display of mixed five flavours”. 五味 or five flavours refer to “sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, and salty”. They are mixed here, so this idiom is about describing mixed and complex feelings.
Light gray eyes envelop me in their gaze, wiping away my tears.
“But you must have felt wronged, my wife…”
My wife!
I shake my head vigorously. Have I been wronged? Perhaps in the eyes of others, I have. My “first night”* was spent while being watched and under much humiliation. The wedding day was hardly any sort of celebration in the face of swords and dagger-axes. However, I do not regret it. I love him. It is not about who loves who more, or who has sacrificed more. I want to follow him, and this desire is so strong that as long as he loves me, what does it matter that others think I have been wronged?
* euphemism, referring to what happened in Ch. 42
“Rajiva, have you forgotten that I am from the future? Records about you write that ‘wife is the princess of Kucha’ named Agayamati. I have always thought I do not exist in the history of your life, but do you see now, I am that Kuchan princess. I am Agayamati. So I exist in your history, and you are the one I married—that is destiny. That I crossed over a thousand years to come here, met you, fell in love with you, and became your wife—all of that has been arranged by the gods a long time ago. So I do not regret it, nor do I feel that I have been wronged…
“A thousand years from now, there will be a monk called Tsangyang Gyatso. Titled the Dalai Lama, he was the highest-ranking living Buddha of Tubo1. But like you, he also fell in love. He was a gifted scholar and wrote many poems for his lover, Makye Ame. One of them went like this:
‘Ashamed that my feelings have dirtied the holy path,
I remained afraid of the alluring beauty after entering the mountain.
In this world, how can one fulfill both,
Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.’ 2
“Unfortunately, he could not find a way to fulfill both. His lover was forced to marry another person, and he died while being escorted to the capital of the Central Plains3, when he was merely in his twenties.”
1 吐蕃 is the old Chinese name for Tibet.
2 [T/N: see my Introduction post to this novel for translation’s notes on this poem. About Tsangyang Gyatso (1683-1706), the 6th Dalai Lama: He was infamous because he preferred a hedonistic lifestyle over being a monk and in fact renounced monkhood in 1702. His love poems are famous to this day not just in Tibet but also in China (Source: Wiki). Him and his poems are mentioned often in this novel.]
3 “Escorted” here means escorted as a criminal. He was actually deposed and kidnaped by Lha-bzang Khan, khan of the Khoshut, which is part of the tripartite powers that ruled Tibet since 1642. The Khoshut khan controlled military, while executive power was in the hands of a regent (desi) originally appointed by the Khoshut khan, and religious power was of course under the Dalai Lama. Read his Wiki page for the full picture but basically, the usual politics and power struggles came to a head during the 6th Dalai Lama’s time, and his behaviour was used as an excuse to depose him, which was also approved by the Chinese Emperor Kangxi of Qing Dynasty. That also indirectly led to Chinese involvement in Tibetan politics. ‘Cause, imperialism.]
I pause to stop the sniffles and then smile at him.
“But Rajiva, I want to change the last two lines for you:
‘In this world, one can fulfill both,
Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.’
As long as you dare to marry me, I dare to be the wife of a monk. After death, we will enter hell together. Even if we have to climb a mountain, face against a knife, or enter a hot frying pan, as long as I am with you, I am not afraid!”
Moved, he stares at me, “In this world, one can fulfill both: Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you.”
He asks in disbelief: “Faithful to Buddha, faithful to you*. Ai Qing, can Rajiva really do it?”
* [T/N: It only occurred to me now that the author has been making a pun (sorta) this whole time. The ‘you’ here is actually 卿 (qīng) in Chinese, an old pronoun/term of endearment from husband to wife. Again, see my Introduction post for why I translated it as ‘you’. Our heroine’s name is 艾晴 (pinyin: Ài Qíng). Ai is her surname, Qing is her given name. Chinese culture dictates that you must use full name when the given name is mono-syllable, so that’s why it has been always stated/said in full (see also: Lu Guang, Fu Jian), but notice how Ai Qing doesn’t use Rajiva’s surname. Anyhow, basically when Rajiva says the last clause, it can sound like ‘faithful to Qing’, as in Ai Qing specifically.]
“You can. As long as you pay no heed to the slanders of this generation and the criticisms of later generations.”
He smiles with his eyes and gives a firm nod:
“As long as he can complete the mission given by Buddha and allowed to be with you, Rajiva is content and asks for nothing else.”
He bends his head down and kisses me. There is still a smell of wine lingering in his mouth, making me feel as though I have been intoxicated by happiness. His tears soak my cheeks and mix in with my own tears, and the salty taste travels from the kiss into my heart.
“My wife…” he murmurs and pulls me into his arms. I feel like I am bathing naked underneath the sun, returning to the state of nature, but without any shame. Dear Buddha, was I created just for him?
“Oh, that’s right. Ai Qing, earlier during the ceremony, there should have been a witness who would announce us as husband and wife. But because the chaos at the time interrupted the ceremony. Come-”
He takes me by the hand to a table, where a statue of Buddha is placed in the centre. He lights up a few incense sticks and clasps them in his hands as he kneels down: “We will ask Buddha to be the witness.”
Even though I am a modern person whose education was based on materialism*, I still feel hesitation and shrink back: “Rajiva, you-are you not afraid of Buddha’s reproach?”
* Materialism is the philosophical concept that “holds that matter is the fundamental substance in nature, and that all things, including mental states and consciousness, are results of material interactions.” It is “closely related to physicalism—the view that all that exists is ultimately physical.” (Source: Wiki)
He looks at me tenderly and gently shakes his head:
“We have been through so many tribulations to be together, do you not think that perhaps it is Buddha’s will? Buddha is compassionate, how could he bear to make us suffer again?”
Turning back to the statue of Buddha, he says out loud in a solemn voice:
“May Buddha bear witness that from today on, Rajiva and Ai Qing will become husband and wife, who will live and die in the same spot1, never to be parted or abandoned2.”
1 生同衾,死同穴 a Chinese idiom that originates from Wang Shifu’s play titled《西厢记》or The Story of the Western Wing aka Romance of the Western Chamber. Wang Shifu was from Yuan dynasty (1271–1368), while the play is set during Tang dynasty (618–690 and 705–907). The idiom literally translates to “born in the same place, die in the same spot/hole”, describing a couple’s deep feelings for each other. (Source: Baike Baidu)
2 不离不弃 a Chinese idiom that originates from 紅樓夢 (Hónglóumèng) or Dream of the Red Chamber, one of China’s Four Great Classical Novels and written some time in the middle of the 18th century during the Qing dynasty (Source: Baike Baidu and Wiki). The idiom literally translates to “not separate, not abandon”, the meaning is rather self-explanatory and similar to the English phrase “until death do us apart” in wedding vows.
[Fun fact: The Story of the Western Wing was a major source of influence on Dream of the Red Chamber. All of that said, how does a 3rd century monk know about idioms that originated from a 12th century and an 18th century work? Talk about anachronism.]
He splits the incense sticks in half with me. We raise the sticks up near the top of our head, kowtows three times, and places the sticks into the incense burner.
“Rajiva…”
I sniff hard to hold back the tears that are about to overflow and look up at Buddha’s kind face. At this moment, I hope that Buddha is looking at us from above, smiling and giving us his blessings.
Once we are done with the incense, he seems to suddenly recall something and asks me:
“Where is that painting of your parents, the one that you called a ‘photograph’?”
The photo has always been kept on me. I give it to him, somewhat puzzled. He takes it, looks at it for a moment, then places it on the table, and kowtows three times*.
* Per traditional Chinese wedding customs, the bride and groom would kowtow three times each to the heaven (sky), to their parents/elders, and finally to each other as part of the ceremony. Rajiva kowtowed to Buddha earlier for the first one, and now to Ai Qing’s parents (for deceased parents in the case of Rajiva’s, you could use death tablets, but maybe Kuchan don’t have that). [T/N: Again, not sure how Rajiva knows this Chinese tradition.]
“Dear father-in-law and mother-in-law, Rajiva is grateful to you both for raising such a fine daughter. In order to accompany Rajiva, she is unable to return to fulfill her filial duties—the fault belongs to this son-in-law. You both need not worry, for Rajiva vows to never let her down in this life.”
Unable to help it anymore, I begin to cry in earnest, touch my forehead to the ground and kowtow three times to my parents. Before I began this time-travelling project, I never dared to mention it to my parents; part of it was because I was afraid that they would worry, and the other reason was because the project has to be kept a secret. I also figured that I would return anyhow, sooner or later. But now, I have made up my mind to stay by his side.
Mom and dad, I’m sorry for not letting you see your daughter get married in person, and for the fact that you do not even get to know who your son-in-law is. But, your daughter is very happy. Has never been so happy. Won’t you be glad for my happiness? Forgive this daughter for not being filial. Please take care…
We have paid respect to Buddha and to the parents. Now, it is our turn. I bend down and tie the hems of our robes together. He follows my movements with surprise. Once again, I kowtow three times and make a vow in my most pious voice:
“May Buddha and parents bear witness, Rajiva and I have tied the hems to promise a hundred years together, and that whoever dies at ninety-seven, will wait for the other for three years at Naihe Bridge…1”
1 [See Endnote regarding Chapter’s title, which will also explain this vow.]
He has been kneeling besides me. As soon as I finish my vow, he also kowtows three times to me. When he raises his head, his eyes are shining bright again.
“Ai Qing, no matter how many years it takes, Rajiva is willing to wait…”
“Me too…”
He pulls up his sleeve and reveals the colourful silk scarf tied around his wrist. He smiles, filled with emotions, takes off the scarf and carefully ties it around my neck. In return, I take off the bracelet made of agate beads and puts it back on his wrist. Ten fingers clasp each other, one shoulder falls onto the other—from this moment on, we officially become husband and wife, and will be husband and wife for the rest of our lives.
____________________________________________________________________________
T/N regarding Chapter’s title:
Translating this title was a whole journey because Lương Hiền opted for an equivalent phrase in Vietnamese, and I’d rather translate the original expression than translating the Viet phrase—the work is the same either way, anyway. You can skip to the end for the simple explanation, but I want to recount the journey because: a) I think it will give a more nuanced understanding, and b) you can also get a glimpse into my translation process for certain words/phrases/idioms that have no English equivalent, particularly when the Vietnamese translation offers no real guidance.
I haven’t been this stressed over a chapter’s title since Ch. 5… (the irony of this chapter being double-5 is not lost on me…)
NOTE: I will be going from a character-by-character analysis to a contextual analysis to finally, the actual cultural reference that the title originated from.
To start with, the chapter’s title in Chinese is 结角定百年 (pinyin: jié jiǎo dìng bǎinián). Breaking this down character by character with the help of MDBG (a Chinese-English dictionary) and we have:
结 “to tie”
角 “corner, angle”
定 “to set, to fix, to determine”
百年 “[one] hundred years”
So a literal and rough translation I could use is “Tying the corners to set a hundred years”. It sorta works but makes little sense and sounds no better than machine-translation (ahem, Google Translate).
My next step is to work from Lương Hiền’s translation: “Kết tóc xe tơ”. It is a Vietnamese idiomatic expression that originates from an ancient wedding ritual of tying the bride and groom’s locks of hair together like silk threads, symbolizing marriage as the act of becoming one. It most likely has a Chinese origin (we were a Chinese colony for over a thousand years…). I therefore guessed that the original Chinese title must mean something similar.
I then searched up traditional Chinese wedding rituals for guidance and found that the tying-hair-into-a-knot was indeed one of the rituals. A little aside: The second character in the title, 角, apparently can also refer to an ancient three-legged wine cup. Anyone who has watched Chinese wedding in historical dramas might have seen the bride and groom crossing their arms and drink from opposite cups of wine, a practice that can still be seen in some weddings today (in Vietnam too). The only thing left is the ‘hundred years’ part. I figured that it probably is to wish that the marriage will last a hundred years, which is a common phrase.
At this point, I could stop with the research and just go back to fine-tuning the wording of the translation, maybe add in the wine cup for further accuracy. But something nagged at me.
Isn’t this title too wordy?
Sure, the whole title in Chinese is not long (bless the Chinese and their love of brevity), but I find it odd that it would refer to not one but three wedding customs in one title. Something doesn’t feel right.
I then decided to throw in the entire title into Google and see what comes up (using Chrome so I can translate the pages of course).
Unsurprisingly, a few of the results had to do with our novel. However, there was one answer from Baidu Zhidao (think Yahoo!Answers and Quora) that seems to refer to some wedding tradition about tying the hems of clothes together, and also something about “if die at 97 years old, wait for 3 years at Naihe Bridge” (per Chrome’s translation). Huh. What is this about. A further dive into Baidu Zhidao and I got the lyrics of a song from Liu San-jie. Now that is definitely familiar!
Another folk song from Liu San-jie was already referenced in Ch. 26, so could this be?
A quick refresher on Liu San-jie (from my T/N in Ch. 26):
* Liu San Jie is a legend of the Zhuang people of the Guangxi region, an ethnic minority in China with a population of 18 million in today’s times, second in number only to the Han. The story tells of a fearless folk singer by the name of Liu Shanhua, nicknamed Liu San Jie because she was the third daughter, beloved by all in her village for her beauty, singing voice and for refusing to be cowed by the tyrannical landlord Mo Huairen. Hundreds of years later, the legend was made into a wildly popular musical in early 1960 and then a film later in the same year, which was a huge sensation both at home and abroad.
I was told that the song’s title is《藤缠树》, or “Vine winding around tree” and a part of it goes like this:
连就连
我两结角定百年
哪个九十七岁
奈何桥上等三年
One traveller, in their account of watching the musical in water-puppets form, offered this translation: “Let’s twine for a hundred years. If one of us dies at age 97, the other would be waiting at Naihe Bridge in the next three years.” According to Chinese folk religion, Naihe Bridge or “Bridge of Helplessness”, is one that every soul has to cross before being reincarnated (Source: Wiki page on “Diyu”). This was a promise between Liu San-jie and her lover, that if one of them dies early, they will wait for the other at the Naihe Bridge so that they can be reincarnated together.
Unsurprisingly, this scene became iconic and the love song a favourite amongst many in China. Given that Xiao Chun already made reference to Liu San-jie before, it seems most likely the musical/film is also a favourite of hers ^^
“Let’s twine for a hundred years” does sound lovely but in the end, I went with a more literal translation about tying the hems of clothes together after re-reading the chapter and seeing what Ai Qing did.
TLDR; To translate this chapter’s title, I went from a character-by-character analysis to a contextual analysis via Vietnamese translation to finally, some g*ogling to discover the actual cultural reference that the title originated from, which is two-fold:
An old wedding tradition of tying the hems of the bride and groom’s robes together; and A reference to a love song from the musical/musical film Liu San-jie (first mentioned in Ch. 26), about a promise between lovers to be together for a hundred years, inseparable like vine and tree, and that should one of them die early, to wait for the other before reincarnating at Naihe Bridge.
____________________________________________________________________________
IMPORTANT:
Over the past weeks and since my last update, I have been receiving way too many comments demanding updates from me. A few even lamented on my slow progress in translating this novel, and how it has already been so many years since I started. This has happened before but it was rare, so I let it pass. However, this recent surge has upset me greatly and in fact contributed to me being less inclined to translate lately, hence this delayed update.
I will address this topic once and hopefully never again.
Please do NOT demand updates from me. Do NOT ask when I will update either. And most importantly, do NOT guilt me into updating. I will update when I can. If I ever decide to drop this project, then I will make an explicit announcement about it. So do not ask about updates because I will delete any such comments (have already done so for the really rude ones).
Look, in a way, I do appreciate that you all love this novel so much that you want to be able to read the next chapter as soon as possible. However, pressing me for updates will not make it happen. If you really want to encourage me to update, then press “Like” (if you’re a WordPress user) and/or leave a comment on the chapters, which doesn’t have to be anything long. A simple thanks will do or if you want, talk about what you enjoyed or did not enjoy in the chapter. Feel free to point out plot holes, criticize characters, etc (but don’t be mean or hateful about it).
You don’t have to leave a comment, of course, and I would never pressure you guys into doing so. But consider this:
Over the past several weeks, I received close to TEN comments asking for updates on various posts and would have no doubt received more, had I not recently disabled anonymous commenting. For scale: I only received five comments on the last chapter I posted, two of which were requests for updates. On the chapter before that, I received three comments. I don’t keep a particularly close eye, but I am generally aware of who is a first-time commenter and who is not. So if the first and only time you ever comment on my blog is to ask for updates, reflect on that.
The timing of this recent surge of comments demanding updates is not lost on me. This pandemic has placed many of us in lockdown, which led to us having more “free” time the past months. I was able to translate and update more frequently during this time and as a result, also gained more new readers. These new readers must have gotten used to this frequency of updates that the moment I took a break (to give priority to a pressing human right and social justice issue, might I remind you all; read my last post if you missed it), some of you then got impatient and started to harass me.
I have said this multiple times. It is even in my disclaimer on the sidebar.
I am translating this novel on a free and voluntary basis. I do this out of love for this novel, out of a desire to promote this novel to a wider audience who does not have access to it due to language barrier and may never will (because the likelihood of getting official English translation is so low). I do not owe any of you anything. If you do not like my pace of translating, you don’t have to keep reading. You can just stop and come back later when I am done.
I will be removing the Progress tab/page from this blog as of today. A kind reader once suggested that I do this to avoid potential future headaches. I didn’t heed their words until now. This way, you don’t have to keep checking that page to know when I will update and feel frustrated. It will benefit us both.
Now, if you really want to know why my pace is so slow? Read on. It will get very personal here, which I never intended to do but in the spirit of transparency and to help some of you manage your expectations, I will tell you.
[Warning: Personal stuff. Don’t read if you don’t want to.]
To put it in plain and colloquial terms: Shit happens.
This is a side project I do as a hobby, which means it is not high on my life’s priority list. I started translating when I was in college, when I was juggling both school and a part-time job. Making sure I got good grades and don’t starve was precedent at the time. Then I had to deal with internships and finally, the “real world”, aka a full-time job. Making sure I don’t starve is of course an ever-present and pressing need in the background.
I alluded to it in a previous post, but the last job I had (for three years) sucked me dry. It was incredibly stressful and I worked over-time a lot. I had weekends off, but the workweek often left me with barely any energy left to do house chores and take care of myself, let alone think about translating.
I have left that job for something better late last year. However, not all is well because here’s the other thing that makes life hard: I have anxiety and high-functioning depression. The latter means that although I may appear put-together, calm and collected, etc, and can usually perform well in academic/work settings, when I go home, I am usually operating at 10% battery or less. The former means I have varying mood swings, that I can get triggered by random and not-so-random stuff, and making me spiral into bad states, particularly when coupled with the aforementioned depression.
This was what I was dealing with the past couple weeks, partly as a result of being overwhelmed by current events and worsened when I received these demanding comments. This pandemic has not been the best of times for all of us (an understatement), but it is even worse for neurodivergent folx.
I am telling you all of this not to gain your sympathy or pity, but to explain why I go on hiatuses so often and why my progress on this novel has been so slow.
[End of personal stuff.]
As you all have realized by now reading my translation work: This novel is hard to translate. It is partly because I am doing a re-translation, yes, but as you can see from my various T/N and the above endnote, I have been trying hard to cross-reference and research whenever needed to give you the most accurate translation I can (the perfectionist in me demands so). So to translate a chapter is very time-consuming, and some chapters are more so than the other.
In conclusion, I only ask that you all be kind and patient with me in this project. Leave comments whenever you want, but if you got nothing nice to say, then please don’t.
As always, I do appreciate all of you for reading and following this project. Seeing comments about how much you enjoy this novel, what new things you have learned through reading, what things you relate to from your experience/knowledge, they all make me very very happy. That is all I want to do at the end of the day: To give you something to enjoy and hopefully help expand your world’s view. If I have managed to do so at some point for even one of you, then I am content.
Things are re-opening more and more these days, but I hope you all continue to be careful and safe. Take care of yourself (physically, mentally) and of others around you. If you are of age, do participate and engage politically not just as a citizen in your country, but as a citizen of the world as well. Not just during this time, but every day in the future too. Don’t look away from current (and past) events. Every thing you do matters, no matter how small you may think it is.
Until next time, my friends!
