A Confession of a Secret Love (2)
Within happy is sad or within sad is happy
It was in this way that Julie and I established our presence in Fang Yu Ke’s off campus residence. Because my foundation was very weak, according to Fang Yu Ke’s words, I didn’t even have any foundation at all, I had no choice but to stay up all night to read my heavenly books. When Fang Yu Ke just began, he even scolded me with a few sentences of “Idiot”. Later, he felt that the simple repetition of scolding me with Idiot did not change my idiotic conduct at all. A majority of the time, as he would answer me with increasing depression, he would look up towards heaven and adjust his mood before he proceeded to find additional fault in my methods and straighten me out.
Julie, this girl, even while studying could still find time to scheme. How could she pretend not to understand the things that she actually did? After that, she would pretend to ask Fang Yu Ke while hanging her chin down every once in awhile and biting the head of her pen as she threw herself at him with big eyes, making a cute face. As for me, I had pretended that I understood parts that I didn’t understand to avoid inconveniencing Fang Yu Ke. But even if I scratched my hair into a bird’s nest, I still had big pieces that I was unable to make sense of.
方予可明显重色轻友。茱莉问他的时候，他都好言好语，给她从第一步说到最后一步；到我这里，就恶言相向，给我列几个关键步骤，让我自己思考去了。他的理由很简单：“脑子不转要生锈。坐享其成的事还是少做为好。”我可怜巴巴地吭哧吭哧做半天，解答完了，他又说：“你脑子还是有点沟壑的，做着做着不是逼出来了吗？”
Fang Yu Ke was obviously the kind to pay more attention to a lover than friends. When Julie asked him, he would use kind words and give her the first step to the last step. When he got to me, he would speak maliciously and arrange a few pivotal procedures to let me ponder over. His reason was very simple: “Your brain will get rusty if it doesn’t think. Thus, doing less of reaping where one has not sown is still the best.” I pathetically whimpered for half a day, but when I finished answering the question, He said to me again: “Your head is still like a ditch. After doing more, won’t it be forced out?”
这样无聊地在题海里奋斗了几天，茱莉终于忍不了，回家洗澡睡觉，准备第二天卷土再来。而我又冲到方予可的床上睡觉去了。这两天我睡觉的时间缩短到以前的一半。每次困得不行时，我就冲到方予可的卧室一睡不醒，醒来之后不洗脸不刷牙，直接看书。方予可被我弄得有点神经衰弱，也不敢在床上睡觉，怕我意识不清地躺他身上都不自知。一般他困了，就蜷在客厅的沙发睡觉。
In this way, I passed a few days, bored. Julie finally couldn’t endure it, and went home to bathe and sleep as she prepared for her second day’s examination papers to come again. As for me, I rushed up to Fang Yu Ke’s bed to sleep. These two days, the time I had for sleeping had been greatly cut by half as compared to my former sleeping times. Every time I was unbearably sleepy, I would rush up to Fang Yu Ke’s bedroom and sleep without waking. After waking up, I wouldn’t wash my face nor brush my teeth and immediately started studying. Fang Yu Ke had gotten a little mental illness because of me, and he didn’t dare continue sleeping on the bed, afraid that I would lie down on his body without even knowing. Whenever he got sleepy, he would huddle up on the sofa in the living room to sleep.
而熟睡的我不知道灾难就这么来临了。
The me who was sleeping did not know that a catastrophe was approaching.
我被一阵刺耳的尖叫声吵醒。我朦朦胧胧地睁开眼睛，看见茹庭捂着嘴一动不动地看着我。我头大地闭上了眼睛，希望这是噩梦一场。可是我听到了熟悉的嘶哑男声：“茹庭，里面肯定有误会……”
I was awoken by an ear-piercing screech. I hazily opened my eyes, and saw Ru Ting covering her mouth with her hand, motionless as she stared at me. I stubbornly closed my eyes, hoping this was a nightmare. But I heard a familiar masculine sound: “Ru Ting, there are definitely some misunderstandings in here……”
这回差点换我尖叫了。我猛地起身，没错，就是小西，他也傻傻地愣在一边。
This time, it was almost my turn to scream. I suddenly got up, that’s right, it was Xiao Xi who stood at the side, staring blankly.
我在慌乱中，还是习惯性地抹了抹嘴边口水。现在一定要镇定，镇定。本来就没什么事情，干嘛要慌？
I was in a frenetic state, but I still wiped the saliva at the corners of my mouth out of habit. Now, I must be calm. Originally, the affair didn’t matter, why on earth would you panic?
我对茹庭笑笑：“茹庭，我是来当学生的。你家男人真厉害，什么计算机的问题都难不倒他……”
I laughed towards Ru Ting: “Ru Ting I am here to be a student. Your guy is really great. No computer problems are too hard for him……”
茹庭没说话，眼睛红红地看着我，还看了看我屁股下面的床。
Ru Ting didn’t speak and looked at me with red eyes. She even looked at the bed under my butt.
我只好继续说：“你也知道，我计算机课都在睡觉呢。现在恶补一下，不过这门课太枯燥了，没看多少内容就困了，所以借床用用。你不要误会，即便我想发生点什么，你家方予可也不让啊。他眼里只有你一个人。嘿嘿……”我现在什么脸面也不要了，在小西前面这么损自己也没怎么样。只不过我心里开始讨厌我自己。我对茹庭有意见，暗地里都要帮茱莉上位，可是每次一看见茹庭，就会不由自主地表现出奴性，好像自己真干了对不起她的事。最后我还里外不是人。
I could only continue: “You also know, I am always sleeping during computer class. Now I’ve crammed too hard in one go, but this class is too boring. I haven’t looked at a lot of content before I get sleepy, thus I borrowed the bed to use. You don’t need to misunderstand. Even if I want anything to happen, your Fang Yu Ke won’t allow it. His eyes only have you. Hehe……” Right now, I didn’t even want any face. In front of Xiao Xi, damaging myself wasn’t that big of a problem anyways. It was only that in my heart I began to hate myself. I had objections towards Ru Ting while I secretly helped Julie occupy the top seat. But every time, the moment I saw Ru Ting, I would involuntarily become like a slave, almost as if I had done something that let her down. In the end, I was still not a person, inside and out.
我起身去洗手间洗把脸。我脑子里不停地往外蹦数字在进行二进制和十进制的换算，现在又混进刚才发生的狗血情节。茹庭的尖叫以及小西在一边不知所措的脸都让我头痛。老天爷大概后悔前一阵子砸我身上的馅饼，开始反攻倒算了。
I got up to go to the bathroom to wash my face. My head had many numbers that wouldn’t stop jumping out at me from the binary system and the decimal conversions, infiltrating the melodramatic plot that had just occurred. I had a headache because of Ru Ting’s screech, Xiao Xi’s face and me being at a complete loss. God probably regretted giving me the meat pie that he had smashed onto my body a while ago as he turned around to take back everything he had given me.
我回到客厅，望见茹庭还傻傻地盯着那张单人床。我不知道这张床有什么值得让她凝神这么久的。我甚至开始想象也许床上有着方予可和茹庭之间独有的秘密，而这张圣洁的床被我这么一躺，破坏了一切的美感。方予可有洁癖，而茹庭是有心理上的洁癖。
I returned to the living room and saw that Ru Ting was still foolishly staring at that single bed. I didn’t know what was so worthy about this bed that made her stare at it with such rapt attention for so long. I even began to imagine that maybe it was something that possessed Fang Yu Ke and Ru Ting’s unique secret, but this pure and holy bed had been damaged by my lying down, as all of its beauty was damaged. Fang Yu Ke had mysophobia, while Ru Ting’s heart was full of mysophobia.
所以我开始车轱辘话来回解释，最后我无奈绝望地说：“如果有必要的话，我考完试，再去买一张新床送给你们。但考前我确实没有时间了。”
Thus, I began to ramble on and explain. In the end, I helplessly and despairingly said: “If there is a need, after I finish testing, I’ll go buy another single bed for you guys. But before testing, I indeed do not have time.”
茹庭这才有反应地说：“不用你买，我过会儿就去宜家。我嫌它脏。”
Only then did Ru Ting react: “There’s no need. After a while I will go IKEA. I feel like it’s dirty.”
我愤怒了，感觉自己被狠狠地扇了一巴掌，但我还是克制地说道：“茹庭，你不要这么刻薄。我发誓，如果发生了什么事，我天打雷劈，不得好死。我就是复习累了，趴在床上躺一会儿。”我求救般看向小西。小西看了看我，拍着茹庭的肩说：“茹庭，你想多了。林林也不是那样的人。你是不是有点反应过度了？”
I became indignant, feeling as if I had been resolutely slapped on the face with the palm of her hand, but I still controlled myself as I said: “Ru Ting, you don’t need to be so unkind. I pledge that if anything happens, the sky will rumble with thunder and split me in two, and I will not die peacefully. I am only tired from studying, and I lay on the bed for a while.” I cried for help, while watching Xiao Xi. Xiao Xi looked at me. He patted Ru Ting’s shoulder and said: “Ru Ting, you’re thinking too much. Lin Lin isn’t someone like that. Didn’t you go too far?”
听完这话，我眼泪就落下来了，就好像自己受到的冤屈都不算什么了。毕竟小西怎么看这个事，对我来说更重要。
After hearing this, my tears began to fall, almost as if even it didn’t matter that I had received an unjust treatment.After all, how Xiao Xi saw the case was more important was more important to me.
茹庭蹲下来，把脑袋伏在怀里，喃喃地低声哭：“他从来不让我睡他床上的。他说他有洁癖，我信了。我等了这么多年，比不上别人几个月。第一眼看到他们，我就知道有些东西我无力阻止了……”
Ru Ting squatted down, hiding her head in her bosom, muttering softly as she weeped: “He has never let me sleep on his bed. He said he had mysophobia and I believed him. I waited for so many years but I can’t compare with another person whom he’s only known for a month. When I first saw them, I just knew that there were some things that I had no power to stop…..”
我晕倒。他娘的，合着闹半天还是因为方予可的洁癖。我以为她误会我们发生了什么肉体关系，没想到人家一下子形而上学，上升到思想层面了。
I fainted. Damn it! After all, she had vented for so long because of Fang Yu Ke’s mysophoia. I thought she had misunderstood some physical body relationships that occurred between us but I didn’t think that she would suddenly go all philosophical, going so far that she was stuck in her own delusions .
我抹了一下眼泪，一手把茹庭拉起来，一手指着小西：“茹庭，你别整乱七八糟的。我不确定方予可是不是喜欢你，这是你们之间的事情。但我能确定的是：我喜欢他。”
I wiped at my tears, pulling at Ru Ting with one hand, pointing at Xiao Xi with the other: “Ru Ting, don’t make everything into a hideous mess. I am not sure if Fang Yu Ke likes you, but this is a matter between you guys. But what I can ascertain is: I like him.”
我说这话的时候，全场除了我都石化了，包括站在门口，手里揣着袋果粒橙和零食的方予可。
After I said these words, aside from me, every who was on scene froze up, including the person holding orange juice and snacks at the door, Fang Yu Ke.
当他们开始清醒时，我石化了。我才意识到，绕来绕去，我还是把自己给卖了。
When they all began to awake, I had frozen. I had only then become aware that no matter how I tried to wrap my head about it, I had still sold myself out.
现场变得无比尴尬。我们在客厅的餐桌边坐下来。桌上还堆着布满红叉叉惨不忍睹的计算机练习题。
The scene became impossibly awkward. We sat down at the living room table. The living room table was covered with exam papers marked with red x’s that were too miserable to look it..
我清了清嗓子，跟茹庭说：“你看，我是来学习的吧？这本子上蓝色的是我写的，红色的批复是你家方予可的。我的字丑了点，你别见笑。”
I cleared my throat and said to Ru Ting: “See, I came to study right? The blue marks on these books were all written by me. The red colors of replying officially to a subordinate are all from your Fang Yu Ke. My words are a bit ugly, so don’t ridicule me.”
Fang Yu Ke’s face sank and became very unsightly. I understood this rascal’s feelings. In any case, he was a man and could not stand this girl who was overly suspicious. I also realised that Ru Ting possessive nature was a bit too strong. It was as if a simple broken bed determined her life and death. I sympathetically looked at Fang Yu Ke and then looked at Xiao Xi, whom was hanging his head down.
小西才是这场事件的牺牲者，莫名其妙地看了闹剧，还莫名其妙地被人表白。而且我猜小西肯定在思考，我这到底是为了息事宁人，假模假样地演戏呢还是天时地利人和地真情告白。
Xiao Xi was the true victim of this entire event. He unexpectedly had to watch this slapstick scene and even more unexpectedly got confessed to by someone. I also guessed that Xiao Xi indeed had some thoughts, but he was a peacemaker at heart. His fake acting was indeed a gift from heaven that could indeed make people confess any truth to him.
方予可冷冷地问茹庭：“什么时候配的钥匙？”
Fang Yu Ke coldly asked Ru Ting: “when did you duplicate the key?”
茹庭硬着脖子没说话，眼睛里很快又噙满了泪水。
Ru Ting stiffed her neck and didn’t say a thing, her eyes were quickly filling up with tears.
气氛降到冰点。
The atmosphere became icy.
我觉得这么尴尬的时候，应该说点什么让大家高兴高兴，于是我看着小西深情地说道：“小西，我刚才说的是真的，不是为了哄茹庭。我是真的喜欢你。”
小西看了看我，看了看方予可，又看了看我，跟不相信似的又看回到方予可。
我只好再强调一遍：“我喜欢你很久了。对你一见钟情，可惜结局好像不是两情相悦的戏码。”
小西嘴角动了动，说：“其实我有……”
“我知道。”我打断他的话，虽然这是事实，我还是不想从他嘴里说出那么残忍的话。“所以，我会更加努力，让你喜欢上我。”
I thought that since things had gotten this awkward, I had better say something to lighten up the atmosphere. So I looked at Xiao Xi and said affectionately: Xiao Xi, the things I said just now were real. It was not just to fool Ru Ting. I really do like you.”
Xiao Xi looked at me, looked at Fang Yu Ke and looked at me again, then even more unbelievably looked at Fang Yu Ke.
I could only more forcefully say: “I’ve liked you for a very long time. I’ve fallen in love with you. It’s a pity that in this drama, the conclusion is probably that our feelings are not mutual.”
这回换茹庭看了看我，又看了看小西。
Upon saying this, Ru Ting looked at me and then looked at Xiao Xi.
小西眼神里出现忧郁的样子：“何必呢？我把你当妹妹看。”
这次茹庭打断了他的话：“我觉得林林说的有道理。爱了就要追，你有女朋友又怎么样？再说，你女朋友不是和你闹分手吗？”
Xiao xi looked slightly melancholic: “ is this really necessary? I treat you only as a sister.”
This time, Ru Ting cut in: “ I think Lin Lin has a point. If you love someone, you have to chase them. So what if you’ve already got a girlfriend? Anyway, hasn’t your girlfriend already been asking for a break up?”
我非常佩服茹庭墙头草以及敢说敢为的气质，尤其是最后一句话深深把我打动了。我激动地抓着茹庭的胳膊：“闹分手？为什么？”我都不顾及小西眼里受伤的神情，对我来说，这个消息是能拯救我的浮木，我得牢牢抓住它。
茹庭怯怯地说：“其实我都不知道怡莲姐姐算不算小西的女朋友。大家都知道她对副会长情有独钟，受了什么刺激才找小西的吧。”
I really respected how Ru Ting was so strong headed, expecting even the grass to move for her, and I was especially moved by her last sentence. I excitedly grabbed on Ru Ting’s arm: “ she wants to break up? Why?” I completely ignored the Xiao Xi’s hurt expression. In my point of view, this was like a floating piece of wood that would save my life. I had to grab onto it tightly.
Ru ting timidly said: “ actually, I don’t know whether or not sister Yi Lian can even be counted as Xiao Xi’s girlfriend. Everyone knows she only has eyes for the vice president. It was only because of some incident that caused her to go looking for Xiao Xi.”
原来那个不要脸的享受小西宠溺的叫怡莲！
小西苦笑着说：“茹庭你这丫头说话怎么这么损啊？少说一句又不会死。不过我和她分了又怎么样呢？我的心里留了某些影子，这些影子大概这辈子都散不去了。我知道假装跟不爱的人在一起，对方会受到什么样的伤害。怡莲跟我在一起时，我清楚她还留恋着他，我都希冀时间长了总会好的。最后还不是我痛苦？林林，我不希望你跟我在一起时，让你尝到这种痛苦。你就死心了吧。”
So this shameless behaviour that enjoyed Xiao Xi’s help could be traced back to this woman called Yi Lian!
Xiao Xi smiled bitterly: “ Ru Ting, you rascal, how could you say such hurtful words? You wouldn’t die by speaking one less sentence. I understand how much pretending to be with someone that you don’t love will hurt the other person. In the end, aren’t I the one who’s hurting? Lin Lin, I do not wish for you to face this kind of hurt while you are with me. You should give up.”
我有些生气，你好歹有个机会尝试和怡莲在一起，却吝啬得连个机会都不给我？我嚷道：“不行，你要有影子，我就做阳光。总有一天，影子不见了，我们会相爱。”
I was a little bit angry. You had an open opportunity to try being together with Yi Lian, but are too stingy to even grant this kind of opportunity to me? I shouted: “ no way. If you need to have a shadow then I will be the sun. One day, when the shadow is gone, we will be mutually in love.”
一直没吭声的方予可走到厨房，拿出几罐啤酒，笑着跟说：“行了，有你们这样的吗？表白、拒绝、死缠烂打之类的都在我们旁边说，当我们空气呢？喝点酒，喝完你们就回去。还有周林林，你收拾下你的书，回去自己看吧。现在及格肯定没什么问题了。自己琢磨琢磨也许还能考个高分呢。再做不出来，你就直接问小西吧。”
Fang Yu Ke, who hadn’t spoken a word, walked into the kitchen and brought out a few cans of beer. He smiled and said: “ okay that’s enough, do people normally act like you do? Confessing, rejecting, and declaring your stalker-like intentions even while we’re around? Do you think we’re air? Let’s drink some beer, after you’re done you should go home. And, Lin Lin, pack up your books then go home and take a look at them. It should be no problem for you to pass now. Even if you ponder about them by yourself, you should be able to score well. If you really can’t, then just ask Xiao Xi directly.
方予可的脸色有些苍白，笑容里都是苦涩的味道。我不知道这种苦涩的笑容是不是因为家庭教师资格出让，让他happy里有sad了或是sad里有happy了呢？
Fang Yu Ke’s face was a bit pale. His smile was also slightly bitter. I do not know whether or not the reason for his bitter smile was because he had to give up his tutoring rights. Did this cause sadness in his happiness or happiness in his sadness?
A Confession of a Secret Love (2)
Within happy is sad or within sad is happy
It was in this way that Julie and I established our presence in Fang Yu Ke’s off campus residence. Because my foundation was very weak, according to Fang Yu Ke’s words, I didn’t even have any foundation at all, I had no choice but to stay up all night to read my heavenly books. When Fang Yu Ke just began, he even scolded me with a few sentences of “Idiot”. Later, he felt that the simple repetition of scolding me with Idiot did not change my idiotic conduct at all. A majority of the time, as he would answer me with increasing depression, he would look up towards heaven and adjust his mood before he proceeded to find additional fault in my methods and straighten me out.
Julie, this girl, even while studying could still find time to scheme. How could she pretend not to understand the things that she actually did? After that, she would pretend to ask Fang Yu Ke while hanging her chin down every once in awhile and biting the head of her pen as she threw herself at him with big eyes, making a cute face. As for me, I had pretended that I understood parts that I didn’t understand to avoid inconveniencing Fang Yu Ke. But even if I scratched my hair into a bird’s nest, I still had big pieces that I was unable to make sense of.
方予可明显重色轻友。茱莉问他的时候，他都好言好语，给她从第一步说到最后一步；到我这里，就恶言相向，给我列几个关键步骤，让我自己思考去了。他的理由很简单：“脑子不转要生锈。坐享其成的事还是少做为好。”我可怜巴巴地吭哧吭哧做半天，解答完了，他又说：“你脑子还是有点沟壑的，做着做着不是逼出来了吗？”
Fang Yu Ke was obviously the kind to pay more attention to a lover than friends. When Julie asked him, he would use kind words and give her the first step to the last step. When he got to me, he would speak maliciously and arrange a few pivotal procedures to let me ponder over. His reason was very simple: “Your brain will get rusty if it doesn’t think. Thus, doing less of reaping where one has not sown is still the best.” I pathetically whimpered for half a day, but when I finished answering the question, He said to me again: “Your head is still like a ditch. After doing more, won’t it be forced out?”
这样无聊地在题海里奋斗了几天，茱莉终于忍不了，回家洗澡睡觉，准备第二天卷土再来。而我又冲到方予可的床上睡觉去了。这两天我睡觉的时间缩短到以前的一半。每次困得不行时，我就冲到方予可的卧室一睡不醒，醒来之后不洗脸不刷牙，直接看书。方予可被我弄得有点神经衰弱，也不敢在床上睡觉，怕我意识不清地躺他身上都不自知。一般他困了，就蜷在客厅的沙发睡觉。
In this way, I passed a few days, bored. Julie finally couldn’t endure it, and went home to bathe and sleep as she prepared for her second day’s examination papers to come again. As for me, I rushed up to Fang Yu Ke’s bed to sleep. These two days, the time I had for sleeping had been greatly cut by half as compared to my former sleeping times. Every time I was unbearably sleepy, I would rush up to Fang Yu Ke’s bedroom and sleep without waking. After waking up, I wouldn’t wash my face nor brush my teeth and immediately started studying. Fang Yu Ke had gotten a little mental illness because of me, and he didn’t dare continue sleeping on the bed, afraid that I would lie down on his body without even knowing. Whenever he got sleepy, he would huddle up on the sofa in the living room to sleep.
而熟睡的我不知道灾难就这么来临了。
The me who was sleeping did not know that a catastrophe was approaching.
我被一阵刺耳的尖叫声吵醒。我朦朦胧胧地睁开眼睛，看见茹庭捂着嘴一动不动地看着我。我头大地闭上了眼睛，希望这是噩梦一场。可是我听到了熟悉的嘶哑男声：“茹庭，里面肯定有误会……”
I was awoken by an ear-piercing screech. I hazily opened my eyes, and saw Ru Ting covering her mouth with her hand, motionless as she stared at me. I stubbornly closed my eyes, hoping this was a nightmare. But I heard a familiar masculine sound: “Ru Ting, there are definitely some misunderstandings in here……”
这回差点换我尖叫了。我猛地起身，没错，就是小西，他也傻傻地愣在一边。
This time, it was almost my turn to scream. I suddenly got up, that’s right, it was Xiao Xi who stood at the side, staring blankly.
我在慌乱中，还是习惯性地抹了抹嘴边口水。现在一定要镇定，镇定。本来就没什么事情，干嘛要慌？
I was in a frenetic state, but I still wiped the saliva at the corners of my mouth out of habit. Now, I must be calm. Originally, the affair didn’t matter, why on earth would you panic?
我对茹庭笑笑：“茹庭，我是来当学生的。你家男人真厉害，什么计算机的问题都难不倒他……”
I laughed towards Ru Ting: “Ru Ting I am here to be a student. Your guy is really great. No computer problems are too hard for him……”
茹庭没说话，眼睛红红地看着我，还看了看我屁股下面的床。
Ru Ting didn’t speak and looked at me with red eyes. She even looked at the bed under my butt.
我只好继续说：“你也知道，我计算机课都在睡觉呢。现在恶补一下，不过这门课太枯燥了，没看多少内容就困了，所以借床用用。你不要误会，即便我想发生点什么，你家方予可也不让啊。他眼里只有你一个人。嘿嘿……”我现在什么脸面也不要了，在小西前面这么损自己也没怎么样。只不过我心里开始讨厌我自己。我对茹庭有意见，暗地里都要帮茱莉上位，可是每次一看见茹庭，就会不由自主地表现出奴性，好像自己真干了对不起她的事。最后我还里外不是人。
I could only continue: “You also know, I am always sleeping during computer class. Now I’ve crammed too hard in one go, but this class is too boring. I haven’t looked at a lot of content before I get sleepy, thus I borrowed the bed to use. You don’t need to misunderstand. Even if I want anything to happen, your Fang Yu Ke won’t allow it. His eyes only have you. Hehe……” Right now, I didn’t even want any face. In front of Xiao Xi, damaging myself wasn’t that big of a problem anyways. It was only that in my heart I began to hate myself. I had objections towards Ru Ting while I secretly helped Julie occupy the top seat. But every time, the moment I saw Ru Ting, I would involuntarily become like a slave, almost as if I had done something that let her down. In the end, I was still not a person, inside and out.
我起身去洗手间洗把脸。我脑子里不停地往外蹦数字在进行二进制和十进制的换算，现在又混进刚才发生的狗血情节。茹庭的尖叫以及小西在一边不知所措的脸都让我头痛。老天爷大概后悔前一阵子砸我身上的馅饼，开始反攻倒算了。
I got up to go to the bathroom to wash my face. My head had many numbers that wouldn’t stop jumping out at me from the binary system and the decimal conversions, infiltrating the melodramatic plot that had just occurred. I had a headache because of Ru Ting’s screech, Xiao Xi’s face and me being at a complete loss. God probably regretted giving me the meat pie that he had smashed onto my body a while ago as he turned around to take back everything he had given me.
我回到客厅，望见茹庭还傻傻地盯着那张单人床。我不知道这张床有什么值得让她凝神这么久的。我甚至开始想象也许床上有着方予可和茹庭之间独有的秘密，而这张圣洁的床被我这么一躺，破坏了一切的美感。方予可有洁癖，而茹庭是有心理上的洁癖。
I returned to the living room and saw that Ru Ting was still foolishly staring at that single bed. I didn’t know what was so worthy about this bed that made her stare at it with such rapt attention for so long. I even began to imagine that maybe it was something that possessed Fang Yu Ke and Ru Ting’s unique secret, but this pure and holy bed had been damaged by my lying down, as all of its beauty was damaged. Fang Yu Ke had mysophobia, while Ru Ting’s heart was full of mysophobia.
所以我开始车轱辘话来回解释，最后我无奈绝望地说：“如果有必要的话，我考完试，再去买一张新床送给你们。但考前我确实没有时间了。”
Thus, I began to ramble on and explain. In the end, I helplessly and despairingly said: “If there is a need, after I finish testing, I’ll go buy another single bed for you guys. But before testing, I indeed do not have time.”
茹庭这才有反应地说：“不用你买，我过会儿就去宜家。我嫌它脏。”
Only then did Ru Ting react: “There’s no need. After a while I will go IKEA. I feel like it’s dirty.”
我愤怒了，感觉自己被狠狠地扇了一巴掌，但我还是克制地说道：“茹庭，你不要这么刻薄。我发誓，如果发生了什么事，我天打雷劈，不得好死。我就是复习累了，趴在床上躺一会儿。”我求救般看向小西。小西看了看我，拍着茹庭的肩说：“茹庭，你想多了。林林也不是那样的人。你是不是有点反应过度了？”
I became indignant, feeling as if I had been resolutely slapped on the face with the palm of her hand, but I still controlled myself as I said: “Ru Ting, you don’t need to be so unkind. I pledge that if anything happens, the sky will rumble with thunder and split me in two, and I will not die peacefully. I am only tired from studying, and I lay on the bed for a while.” I cried for help, while watching Xiao Xi. Xiao Xi looked at me. He patted Ru Ting’s shoulder and said: “Ru Ting, you’re thinking too much. Lin Lin isn’t someone like that. Didn’t you go too far?”
听完这话，我眼泪就落下来了，就好像自己受到的冤屈都不算什么了。毕竟小西怎么看这个事，对我来说更重要。
After hearing this, my tears began to fall, almost as if even it didn’t matter that I had received an unjust treatment.After all, how Xiao Xi saw the case was more important was more important to me.
茹庭蹲下来，把脑袋伏在怀里，喃喃地低声哭：“他从来不让我睡他床上的。他说他有洁癖，我信了。我等了这么多年，比不上别人几个月。第一眼看到他们，我就知道有些东西我无力阻止了……”
Ru Ting squatted down, hiding her head in her bosom, muttering softly as she weeped: “He has never let me sleep on his bed. He said he had mysophobia and I believed him. I waited for so many years but I can’t compare with another person whom he’s only known for a month. When I first saw them, I just knew that there were some things that I had no power to stop…..”
我晕倒。他娘的，合着闹半天还是因为方予可的洁癖。我以为她误会我们发生了什么肉体关系，没想到人家一下子形而上学，上升到思想层面了。
I fainted. Damn it! After all, she had vented for so long because of Fang Yu Ke’s mysophoia. I thought she had misunderstood some physical body relationships that occurred between us but I didn’t think that she would suddenly go all philosophical, going so far that she was stuck in her own delusions .
我抹了一下眼泪，一手把茹庭拉起来，一手指着小西：“茹庭，你别整乱七八糟的。我不确定方予可是不是喜欢你，这是你们之间的事情。但我能确定的是：我喜欢他。”
I wiped at my tears, pulling at Ru Ting with one hand, pointing at Xiao Xi with the other: “Ru Ting, don’t make everything into a hideous mess. I am not sure if Fang Yu Ke likes you, but this is a matter between you guys. But what I can ascertain is: I like him.”
我说这话的时候，全场除了我都石化了，包括站在门口，手里揣着袋果粒橙和零食的方予可。
After I said these words, aside from me, every who was on scene froze up, including the person holding orange juice and snacks at the door, Fang Yu Ke.
当他们开始清醒时，我石化了。我才意识到，绕来绕去，我还是把自己给卖了。
When they all began to awake, I had frozen. I had only then become aware that no matter how I tried to wrap my head about it, I had still sold myself out.
现场变得无比尴尬。我们在客厅的餐桌边坐下来。桌上还堆着布满红叉叉惨不忍睹的计算机练习题。
The scene became impossibly awkward. We sat down at the living room table. The living room table was covered with exam papers marked with red x’s that were too miserable to look it..
我清了清嗓子，跟茹庭说：“你看，我是来学习的吧？这本子上蓝色的是我写的，红色的批复是你家方予可的。我的字丑了点，你别见笑。”
I cleared my throat and said to Ru Ting: “See, I came to study right? The blue marks on these books were all written by me. The red colors of replying officially to a subordinate are all from your Fang Yu Ke. My words are a bit ugly, so don’t ridicule me.”
Fang Yu Ke’s face sank and became very unsightly. I understood this rascal’s feelings. In any case, he was a man and could not stand this girl who was overly suspicious. I also realised that Ru Ting possessive nature was a bit too strong. It was as if a simple broken bed determined her life and death. I sympathetically looked at Fang Yu Ke and then looked at Xiao Xi, whom was hanging his head down.
小西才是这场事件的牺牲者，莫名其妙地看了闹剧，还莫名其妙地被人表白。而且我猜小西肯定在思考，我这到底是为了息事宁人，假模假样地演戏呢还是天时地利人和地真情告白。
Xiao Xi was the true victim of this entire event. He unexpectedly had to watch this slapstick scene and even more unexpectedly got confessed to by someone. I also guessed that Xiao Xi indeed had some thoughts, but he was a peacemaker at heart. His fake acting was indeed a gift from heaven that could indeed make people confess any truth to him.
方予可冷冷地问茹庭：“什么时候配的钥匙？”
Fang Yu Ke coldly asked Ru Ting: “when did you duplicate the key?”
茹庭硬着脖子没说话，眼睛里很快又噙满了泪水。
Ru Ting stiffed her neck and didn’t say a thing, her eyes were quickly filling up with tears.
气氛降到冰点。
The atmosphere became icy.
我觉得这么尴尬的时候，应该说点什么让大家高兴高兴，于是我看着小西深情地说道：“小西，我刚才说的是真的，不是为了哄茹庭。我是真的喜欢你。”
小西看了看我，看了看方予可，又看了看我，跟不相信似的又看回到方予可。
我只好再强调一遍：“我喜欢你很久了。对你一见钟情，可惜结局好像不是两情相悦的戏码。”
小西嘴角动了动，说：“其实我有……”
“我知道。”我打断他的话，虽然这是事实，我还是不想从他嘴里说出那么残忍的话。“所以，我会更加努力，让你喜欢上我。”
I thought that since things had gotten this awkward, I had better say something to lighten up the atmosphere. So I looked at Xiao Xi and said affectionately: Xiao Xi, the things I said just now were real. It was not just to fool Ru Ting. I really do like you.”
Xiao Xi looked at me, looked at Fang Yu Ke and looked at me again, then even more unbelievably looked at Fang Yu Ke.
I could only more forcefully say: “I’ve liked you for a very long time. I’ve fallen in love with you. It’s a pity that in this drama, the conclusion is probably that our feelings are not mutual.”
这回换茹庭看了看我，又看了看小西。
Upon saying this, Ru Ting looked at me and then looked at Xiao Xi.
小西眼神里出现忧郁的样子：“何必呢？我把你当妹妹看。”
这次茹庭打断了他的话：“我觉得林林说的有道理。爱了就要追，你有女朋友又怎么样？再说，你女朋友不是和你闹分手吗？”
Xiao xi looked slightly melancholic: “ is this really necessary? I treat you only as a sister.”
This time, Ru Ting cut in: “ I think Lin Lin has a point. If you love someone, you have to chase them. So what if you’ve already got a girlfriend? Anyway, hasn’t your girlfriend already been asking for a break up?”
我非常佩服茹庭墙头草以及敢说敢为的气质，尤其是最后一句话深深把我打动了。我激动地抓着茹庭的胳膊：“闹分手？为什么？”我都不顾及小西眼里受伤的神情，对我来说，这个消息是能拯救我的浮木，我得牢牢抓住它。
茹庭怯怯地说：“其实我都不知道怡莲姐姐算不算小西的女朋友。大家都知道她对副会长情有独钟，受了什么刺激才找小西的吧。”
I really respected how Ru Ting was so strong headed, expecting even the grass to move for her, and I was especially moved by her last sentence. I excitedly grabbed on Ru Ting’s arm: “ she wants to break up? Why?” I completely ignored the Xiao Xi’s hurt expression. In my point of view, this was like a floating piece of wood that would save my life. I had to grab onto it tightly.
Ru ting timidly said: “ actually, I don’t know whether or not sister Yi Lian can even be counted as Xiao Xi’s girlfriend. Everyone knows she only has eyes for the vice president. It was only because of some incident that caused her to go looking for Xiao Xi.”
原来那个不要脸的享受小西宠溺的叫怡莲！
小西苦笑着说：“茹庭你这丫头说话怎么这么损啊？少说一句又不会死。不过我和她分了又怎么样呢？我的心里留了某些影子，这些影子大概这辈子都散不去了。我知道假装跟不爱的人在一起，对方会受到什么样的伤害。怡莲跟我在一起时，我清楚她还留恋着他，我都希冀时间长了总会好的。最后还不是我痛苦？林林，我不希望你跟我在一起时，让你尝到这种痛苦。你就死心了吧。”
So this shameless behaviour that enjoyed Xiao Xi’s help could be traced back to this woman called Yi Lian!
Xiao Xi smiled bitterly: “ Ru Ting, you rascal, how could you say such hurtful words? You wouldn’t die by speaking one less sentence. I understand how much pretending to be with someone that you don’t love will hurt the other person. In the end, aren’t I the one who’s hurting? Lin Lin, I do not wish for you to face this kind of hurt while you are with me. You should give up.”
我有些生气，你好歹有个机会尝试和怡莲在一起，却吝啬得连个机会都不给我？我嚷道：“不行，你要有影子，我就做阳光。总有一天，影子不见了，我们会相爱。”
I was a little bit angry. You had an open opportunity to try being together with Yi Lian, but are too stingy to even grant this kind of opportunity to me? I shouted: “ no way. If you need to have a shadow then I will be the sun. One day, when the shadow is gone, we will be mutually in love.”
一直没吭声的方予可走到厨房，拿出几罐啤酒，笑着跟说：“行了，有你们这样的吗？表白、拒绝、死缠烂打之类的都在我们旁边说，当我们空气呢？喝点酒，喝完你们就回去。还有周林林，你收拾下你的书，回去自己看吧。现在及格肯定没什么问题了。自己琢磨琢磨也许还能考个高分呢。再做不出来，你就直接问小西吧。”
Fang Yu Ke, who hadn’t spoken a word, walked into the kitchen and brought out a few cans of beer. He smiled and said: “ okay that’s enough, do people normally act like you do? Confessing, rejecting, and declaring your stalker-like intentions even while we’re around? Do you think we’re air? Let’s drink some beer, after you’re done you should go home. And, Lin Lin, pack up your books then go home and take a look at them. It should be no problem for you to pass now. Even if you ponder about them by yourself, you should be able to score well. If you really can’t, then just ask Xiao Xi directly.
方予可的脸色有些苍白，笑容里都是苦涩的味道。我不知道这种苦涩的笑容是不是因为家庭教师资格出让，让他happy里有sad了或是sad里有happy了呢？
Fang Yu Ke’s face was a bit pale. His smile was also slightly bitter. I do not know whether or not the reason for his bitter smile was because he had to give up his tutoring rights. Did this cause sadness in his happiness or happiness in his sadness?
