Since I have claimed that I was going to sleep I could only obediently lay down on the bed and yell at him who was outside in a low voice, “Hey! I’ll not send you off. Don’t forget to close the door when you leave.”
After the previous commotion, my body felt like it would collapse at any moment. However, my mood has improved a lot. No wonder hungry people maintained high morale during the turbulent times even though they should have moved less to preserve their energy instead. In fact, the reason was very simple. It was much easier to die from starvation when one thought about how hungry one was and how much one yearned to eat a chicken leg all day long. Fighting, on the other side, could both divert your attention and also enrich your spiritual life. Although the body would be hungry at least the spirit would be full. Even if one still ended up being a hungry ghost it would be the hungry ghost of a high quality. During the time of reincarnation, you could proudly tell the King of Hell that you were cut above all others and that your position in the Fight the Landlord game[1] was particularly high.
The fever had probably stewed my brains as my whole body felt like it has traveled into the cosmos, indulging in flights of fancy[2].
Since there was a male mammal harboring unfathomable motives in the house I did not dare to sleep. I kept my ears pointed and attentively listened for any movements outside. There seemed to be no sound. It was so quiet it appeared as if nobody has been there.
Was it a dream?
I touched the swollen bulge at the back of my head. It hurt so apparently it was not a dream. I sat up and suspiciously glanced at the outside. There was no one in the living room. Where has he gone? I do not remember setting a trap there.
I got out of bed, tiptoed to the doorway and searched around. The living room was empty. There was no one on the balcony. Was it possible that he has left?
I clumsily opened the main door and extended my head to look out. No one in the corridor. I closed the door and turned around while being perplexed.
“Ah~”
A man in black wearing a cold expression suddenly appeared in front of me, with only one step separating us. It had frightened me so much that I had to clutch onto my heart, mouth wide opened to an O shape.
I was enraged, “Are you a cat? Are there no sounds when you walk?”
He cast a glance at me then turned his head focusing his attention on my dad’s photo that hung on the wall. He nonchalantly said, “Are you a cockroach then?”
“Cockroach? You are the cockroach.” I felt that what he was conducting was a personal slander. His gaze swept over the messy living room that looked like being ransacked by robbers. With an incredulous look in eyes he looked at me, revealing a little disgust, “Don’t you think that only cockroach would stay…….” He paused as if looking for a more appropriate metaphor, “…….would stay at this place where even mice wouldn’t dwell?”
I was flabbergasted.
“You, you…..you. Maddening. You are truly maddening me….” I pointed finger at him while trembling. He was watching me with an expression that was saying “as expected”. I was so dizzy with anger that I turned around to heavily hit my forehead against the wall. A loud bang sound could be heard.
Not painful enough. Bang! I hit the wall again.
I tried to mutilate myself. Since I was unable to beat him at least I could finish myself, right?
I decided to knock myself into unconsciousness. Out of sight, out of mind. When I finally gathered sufficient energy to attempt for another round a different sensation came from my forehead. It was not cold and hard wall but a warm palm.
Kang Zixian’s hand stood between me and the wall.
I bet he was afraid that the wall would get hurt.
I was stumped for words. Before I could sprout curses at him he has stretched his hand to place it on my forehead. Shortly after he frowned, “You’re burning. Is it alright not visiting a hospital?”
I pushed away his hand and said annoyingly, “I don’t need your insincere concern.”
The failure to win an argument with this man wounded me. When you add the fact that he always appeared before me, yet another wound was stacked upon the old one. This only caused my already serious injury growing even more serious.
In order to survive, I decided to eat something to replenish my strength.
The struggle has lifted my spirit. I ignored him. If I could not beat him I would just ignore him. I walked to the couch and sat down to open the left-over porridge from yesterday. I sniffed. It seemed to be well. I decided to be ruthless to myself. Just eat it. There was nothing else available. Or perhaps I was to nibble on the rotten cactus?
I stirred the lumpy cold porridge in the bowl with knitted brows. I haven’t even started eating yet my stomach has already begun to protest. Moreover, the door god[3] dressed in black who stood by the door still showed no intention of leaving.
I looked up and shouted, “Damn, what will make you leave?”
“I have nothing to do tonight.”
What he meant was that he was bored. As a result, he has condescended to this place to kill some time by teasing the cockroaches.
I was so infuriated that the porridge appeared even less appetizing.
“If you’re so free to go to Meise.” I guided him patiently. I hoped I could calmly persuade this door god to leave.
“Meise is not as interesting as you.” He replied with a convicted tone.
The anger made me grit my teeth. He, on the other side, nonchalantly walked over and started to push away not yet folded stack of washed clothes on the single-person couch. But when he saw the black lace bra that was under the stack of clothes he hesitated for a moment and then straightened his body and gave up. He directly went to sit down beside me, squeezing in a small couch together with me. He crossed his legs and folded his arms, looking up and down my dog house.
Scoundrel. Outrageous scoundrel. Even his handsome face that could charm women could not hide his perverted heart.
I turned my head to glare at this thick-skinned man. Recalling his strange behavior, an anxiety rose from the bottom of my heart, “I say, bro. I beg you. You mustn’t take fancy to me. I still would like to live for another two more years.”
“Uhm.” He nodded solemnly. I just wanted to breathe a sigh of relief when he turned his head to smile at me and said, “But you also know that I’m not a very kind person.”
I shivered. Wall. Where was the wall? Hurry and show up to let me bang against you. I was as good as dead.
I fell into silence. Holding my head, I annoyingly grabbed my hair and decided that today I must wipe any evil intention he harbored towards me from his head. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to live a good life ever again.
I will make him give up willingly.
I tried hard to stress out, “I do a hostess job. A woman of windblown dust[4], do you understand? I have lips tasted by thousands of people, corrupting the masses. I’m not suitable for you.”
His expression was serene. The corners of his sensual mouth curled up, “It doesn’t matter. I’m not picky.”
Holy cow! I have never before encountered such a cheap individual from a well-off family who had such a vulgar taste and cocky attitude. Could it be that his head was kicked by donkey but he did not recuperate well so now he was left with after-effect?
I observed him with the way one observed someone with a mental disorder. I quietly nudged my butt to move as far away from him as possible, afraid that once his illness relapses it would bring disaster to me, the little innocent fish.
While I was immersed in the scary scenarios, Kang Zixian pointed to the photos on the wall. I looked, my heart burning with anxiety. In the photo I was so young and charming, glowing with health and vigor, pretty yet a bit shy, shy yet a bit frank. For the first time ever I regretted my especially pure look. One could not find a glimpse of flirtatious windblown dust like woman’s image in me at all.
I started to hate the good genes of my parents.
Kang Zixian pointed on to the left side at the photo of a young man attired in a well-ironed outdated police uniform, asking, “Who is he?”
My heart stirred when I looked over. I replied, “My dad. Isn’t he handsome? That time on the street he was almost scouted by the agent to be a celebrity.”
“Is he a policeman?”
“Uhm.”
“Mister had already retired, right?”
I didn’t talk. He cast a surprised look at me, his eyes silently inquiring.
I whispered, “I was still in my mom’s belly when he has sacrificed himself. He was a martyr.” I raised my head to look at the person in the photo with a dazed expression. He gave me life. I came from him, had his blood flowing in me and carried on the career he had chosen. Yet, he didn’t even know about my existence at the time of his death. How sad.
“If he was alive, he should have been retired by now. Mom told me that he especially loved cleanliness and that he was fond of housework. If he was still alive I wouldn’t have to live in a dump every day.”
A bit of sadness could be heard in my words. Both of us fell into a silence for a while. Kang Zixian pointed at another photo in the right corner, saying, “Who are those two? The one on the right is your mom?”
He was referring to the wedding photo of my mum and Alan. Their wedding ceremony in the garden was romantic and warm. I was also attired in a white dress. It was ridiculous but I was not the bridesmaid. I was just a freshman in the college at the time. I told my mum that I had to be the flower girl no matter what. Feige laughed at me when she heard about it, mocking me that I was ‘the oldest flower girl in the history’. I just scraped my nose and told her “Laoniang is not a flower girl. Laoniang is clearly an ageless granny”, making Feige laugh so hard she had a hard time to recover.
There were only three of us in that photo – the old groom, the old bride and me the ageless granny. I was upset. Upon a closer look, I still did not seem like someone who would take a hostess work. I could not convince even myself, let alone Kang Zixian.
I wasn’t so unfilial as to not admit my old mother, hence I reluctantly said, “Uhm. The one next to her is my stepdad.”
“Where is he from?”
“United States.”
He examined the photo carefully, then suddenly turned around and asked curiously, “Why did you place their wedding photo at the bottom of that corner?”
I cursed. Damn it! He was observant, wasn’t he? There was indeed a reason for it.
I said coyly, “It’s to be considerate to my old man. My mum had remarried. How do you think he will take it? As a result, I have put the two photos far away from each other so that my old man would not hop madly and suffer from insomnia in the underground.”
I rubbed my chin with one hand and thought for a moment then I said, “Perhaps my old man has long ago remarried there. He was so handsome. Maybe he also had several concubines.”
Kang Zixian laughed. He looked really nice when he laughed. One could actually see a bit of tenderness in his smile. My heart could not help itself from beating a half beat faster.
How could a heartbeat a half beat faster? I was almost bewitched by him. I inwardly reprimanded my tiny heart that could not withstand against man charms. I turned my head and told myself to cool down. My priority now was to get him out.
I started to think.
[1] Fight the Landlord is a Chinese card game primarily for three players, but also playable by four. The player that choose to be “landlord” plays alone while the other players form a team. The landlord’s aim is to be the first to play out all his cards in valid combinations, and the team wins if any one of them manages to play all their cards before the landlord.
[2] Indulging oneself in flights of fancy is an idiom meaning to let one’s imagination run wild
[3] Door God is a Chinese divine guardian of doors and gates who protects against the evil
[4] A woman of windblown dust means a prostitute
Since I have claimed that I was going to sleep I could only obediently lay down on the bed and yell at him who was outside in a low voice, “Hey! I’ll not send you off. Don’t forget to close the door when you leave.”
After the previous commotion, my body felt like it would collapse at any moment. However, my mood has improved a lot. No wonder hungry people maintained high morale during the turbulent times even though they should have moved less to preserve their energy instead. In fact, the reason was very simple. It was much easier to die from starvation when one thought about how hungry one was and how much one yearned to eat a chicken leg all day long. Fighting, on the other side, could both divert your attention and also enrich your spiritual life. Although the body would be hungry at least the spirit would be full. Even if one still ended up being a hungry ghost it would be the hungry ghost of a high quality. During the time of reincarnation, you could proudly tell the King of Hell that you were cut above all others and that your position in the Fight the Landlord game[1] was particularly high.
The fever had probably stewed my brains as my whole body felt like it has traveled into the cosmos, indulging in flights of fancy[2].
Since there was a male mammal harboring unfathomable motives in the house I did not dare to sleep. I kept my ears pointed and attentively listened for any movements outside. There seemed to be no sound. It was so quiet it appeared as if nobody has been there.
Was it a dream?
I touched the swollen bulge at the back of my head. It hurt so apparently it was not a dream. I sat up and suspiciously glanced at the outside. There was no one in the living room. Where has he gone? I do not remember setting a trap there.
I got out of bed, tiptoed to the doorway and searched around. The living room was empty. There was no one on the balcony. Was it possible that he has left?
I clumsily opened the main door and extended my head to look out. No one in the corridor. I closed the door and turned around while being perplexed.
“Ah~”
A man in black wearing a cold expression suddenly appeared in front of me, with only one step separating us. It had frightened me so much that I had to clutch onto my heart, mouth wide opened to an O shape.
I was enraged, “Are you a cat? Are there no sounds when you walk?”
He cast a glance at me then turned his head focusing his attention on my dad’s photo that hung on the wall. He nonchalantly said, “Are you a cockroach then?”
“Cockroach? You are the cockroach.” I felt that what he was conducting was a personal slander. His gaze swept over the messy living room that looked like being ransacked by robbers. With an incredulous look in eyes he looked at me, revealing a little disgust, “Don’t you think that only cockroach would stay…….” He paused as if looking for a more appropriate metaphor, “…….would stay at this place where even mice wouldn’t dwell?”
I was flabbergasted.
“You, you…..you. Maddening. You are truly maddening me….” I pointed finger at him while trembling. He was watching me with an expression that was saying “as expected”. I was so dizzy with anger that I turned around to heavily hit my forehead against the wall. A loud bang sound could be heard.
Not painful enough. Bang! I hit the wall again.
I tried to mutilate myself. Since I was unable to beat him at least I could finish myself, right?
I decided to knock myself into unconsciousness. Out of sight, out of mind. When I finally gathered sufficient energy to attempt for another round a different sensation came from my forehead. It was not cold and hard wall but a warm palm.
Kang Zixian’s hand stood between me and the wall.
I bet he was afraid that the wall would get hurt.
I was stumped for words. Before I could sprout curses at him he has stretched his hand to place it on my forehead. Shortly after he frowned, “You’re burning. Is it alright not visiting a hospital?”
I pushed away his hand and said annoyingly, “I don’t need your insincere concern.”
The failure to win an argument with this man wounded me. When you add the fact that he always appeared before me, yet another wound was stacked upon the old one. This only caused my already serious injury growing even more serious.
In order to survive, I decided to eat something to replenish my strength.
The struggle has lifted my spirit. I ignored him. If I could not beat him I would just ignore him. I walked to the couch and sat down to open the left-over porridge from yesterday. I sniffed. It seemed to be well. I decided to be ruthless to myself. Just eat it. There was nothing else available. Or perhaps I was to nibble on the rotten cactus?
I stirred the lumpy cold porridge in the bowl with knitted brows. I haven’t even started eating yet my stomach has already begun to protest. Moreover, the door god[3] dressed in black who stood by the door still showed no intention of leaving.
I looked up and shouted, “Damn, what will make you leave?”
“I have nothing to do tonight.”
What he meant was that he was bored. As a result, he has condescended to this place to kill some time by teasing the cockroaches.
I was so infuriated that the porridge appeared even less appetizing.
“If you’re so free to go to Meise.” I guided him patiently. I hoped I could calmly persuade this door god to leave.
“Meise is not as interesting as you.” He replied with a convicted tone.
The anger made me grit my teeth. He, on the other side, nonchalantly walked over and started to push away not yet folded stack of washed clothes on the single-person couch. But when he saw the black lace bra that was under the stack of clothes he hesitated for a moment and then straightened his body and gave up. He directly went to sit down beside me, squeezing in a small couch together with me. He crossed his legs and folded his arms, looking up and down my dog house.
Scoundrel. Outrageous scoundrel. Even his handsome face that could charm women could not hide his perverted heart.
I turned my head to glare at this thick-skinned man. Recalling his strange behavior, an anxiety rose from the bottom of my heart, “I say, bro. I beg you. You mustn’t take fancy to me. I still would like to live for another two more years.”
“Uhm.” He nodded solemnly. I just wanted to breathe a sigh of relief when he turned his head to smile at me and said, “But you also know that I’m not a very kind person.”
I shivered. Wall. Where was the wall? Hurry and show up to let me bang against you. I was as good as dead.
I fell into silence. Holding my head, I annoyingly grabbed my hair and decided that today I must wipe any evil intention he harbored towards me from his head. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to live a good life ever again.
I will make him give up willingly.
I tried hard to stress out, “I do a hostess job. A woman of windblown dust[4], do you understand? I have lips tasted by thousands of people, corrupting the masses. I’m not suitable for you.”
His expression was serene. The corners of his sensual mouth curled up, “It doesn’t matter. I’m not picky.”
Holy cow! I have never before encountered such a cheap individual from a well-off family who had such a vulgar taste and cocky attitude. Could it be that his head was kicked by donkey but he did not recuperate well so now he was left with after-effect?
I observed him with the way one observed someone with a mental disorder. I quietly nudged my butt to move as far away from him as possible, afraid that once his illness relapses it would bring disaster to me, the little innocent fish.
While I was immersed in the scary scenarios, Kang Zixian pointed to the photos on the wall. I looked, my heart burning with anxiety. In the photo I was so young and charming, glowing with health and vigor, pretty yet a bit shy, shy yet a bit frank. For the first time ever I regretted my especially pure look. One could not find a glimpse of flirtatious windblown dust like woman’s image in me at all.
I started to hate the good genes of my parents.
Kang Zixian pointed on to the left side at the photo of a young man attired in a well-ironed outdated police uniform, asking, “Who is he?”
My heart stirred when I looked over. I replied, “My dad. Isn’t he handsome? That time on the street he was almost scouted by the agent to be a celebrity.”
“Is he a policeman?”
“Uhm.”
“Mister had already retired, right?”
I didn’t talk. He cast a surprised look at me, his eyes silently inquiring.
I whispered, “I was still in my mom’s belly when he has sacrificed himself. He was a martyr.” I raised my head to look at the person in the photo with a dazed expression. He gave me life. I came from him, had his blood flowing in me and carried on the career he had chosen. Yet, he didn’t even know about my existence at the time of his death. How sad.
“If he was alive, he should have been retired by now. Mom told me that he especially loved cleanliness and that he was fond of housework. If he was still alive I wouldn’t have to live in a dump every day.”
A bit of sadness could be heard in my words. Both of us fell into a silence for a while. Kang Zixian pointed at another photo in the right corner, saying, “Who are those two? The one on the right is your mom?”
He was referring to the wedding photo of my mum and Alan. Their wedding ceremony in the garden was romantic and warm. I was also attired in a white dress. It was ridiculous but I was not the bridesmaid. I was just a freshman in the college at the time. I told my mum that I had to be the flower girl no matter what. Feige laughed at me when she heard about it, mocking me that I was ‘the oldest flower girl in the history’. I just scraped my nose and told her “Laoniang is not a flower girl. Laoniang is clearly an ageless granny”, making Feige laugh so hard she had a hard time to recover.
There were only three of us in that photo – the old groom, the old bride and me the ageless granny. I was upset. Upon a closer look, I still did not seem like someone who would take a hostess work. I could not convince even myself, let alone Kang Zixian.
I wasn’t so unfilial as to not admit my old mother, hence I reluctantly said, “Uhm. The one next to her is my stepdad.”
“Where is he from?”
“United States.”
He examined the photo carefully, then suddenly turned around and asked curiously, “Why did you place their wedding photo at the bottom of that corner?”
I cursed. Damn it! He was observant, wasn’t he? There was indeed a reason for it.
I said coyly, “It’s to be considerate to my old man. My mum had remarried. How do you think he will take it? As a result, I have put the two photos far away from each other so that my old man would not hop madly and suffer from insomnia in the underground.”
I rubbed my chin with one hand and thought for a moment then I said, “Perhaps my old man has long ago remarried there. He was so handsome. Maybe he also had several concubines.”
Kang Zixian laughed. He looked really nice when he laughed. One could actually see a bit of tenderness in his smile. My heart could not help itself from beating a half beat faster.
How could a heartbeat a half beat faster? I was almost bewitched by him. I inwardly reprimanded my tiny heart that could not withstand against man charms. I turned my head and told myself to cool down. My priority now was to get him out.
I started to think.
[1] Fight the Landlord is a Chinese card game primarily for three players, but also playable by four. The player that choose to be “landlord” plays alone while the other players form a team. The landlord’s aim is to be the first to play out all his cards in valid combinations, and the team wins if any one of them manages to play all their cards before the landlord.
[2] Indulging oneself in flights of fancy is an idiom meaning to let one’s imagination run wild
[3] Door God is a Chinese divine guardian of doors and gates who protects against the evil
[4] A woman of windblown dust means a prostitute
