That night, I brought Yin Li to my mother’s grave.
I took off the ballet shoes I wore for the performance and lay them on the grave, along with flowers. Yin Li stood in the wind tightly wrapping his hand around mine. I planned to return to China with him. I wouldn’t settle in Paris. Perhaps, this was a farewell to my mother.
I felt so many things standing in front of the grave.
I was always thankful for my mom.
“Her dream was that one day, my autographed ballet shoes would fetch a record-breaking price at a charity auction.” I saw my mother’s face engraved in the tombstone. “To a dancer, that was a status symbol. My mother hoped I would become a dazzling dancer that lived for her profession.”
I crouched and rubbed the tombstone engraving. “Mom, at that time I really thought that achieving your dream would be achieving my own. But I can’t. I later discovered that it wasn’t what I really wanted. I gave the first half of my life to ballet. Now, I want to live the second half as I wish.”
I spoke with my heart as I faced the tombstone. I firmly believed that somewhere out there, she forgave me for abandoning ballet halfway through and had given me her blessing. My mother was strict. I could be injured and she would still have me dance. She forbid romantic relationships and attending performances. But I remember how worried she looked when I fell sick. In the end, she loved me.
“You gave me my own piece of the ballet world to exist in. Now it’s time for me to go beyond the borders.”
The cemetery at night was quiet and serene. My heart softened and I felt sad. My mother would never reply. I only heard the insects chirping.
The next day I had planned to fly back with Yin Li. However, Li Jing had an accident.
He was recently commissioned to fix up a church’s mural. After the performance, he had drunk wine and then continued working. Unexpectedly, he fell off the scaffold. He broke his right hand and tore his muscles. But because he was drunk and tired, he fainted in the church. He wasn’t discovered in time and his wound became infected. Besides those “brothers” who fought to rob him of his inheritance, he didn’t have anyone else nearby. With no other choice, the private doctor flipped through his phone records and found me.
“He’s frequently come to the hospital. Last month, he drank too much causing his stomach lining to erode. He’s recently cut back. But after receiving the church mural commission, he’s been working to his bone. Every day, he’s been painting like crazy. I’m sorry to call you over so late at night, but his mother has gone to southern France. He also didn’t want his mother to worry.” The doctor was helpless. “Your number was on speed dial. I’m really sorry, but I can’t do a major surgery. It’ll still be safer to quickly send him to the hospital.”
Yin Li and I sent Li Jing to the hospital. Once we saw the surgery room’s lighted sign turn on, it was already morning and we had already missed our flight.
“No worries, it’s just a normal bone fracture. It’s not that bad.” Yin Li passed me a hot cup of milk tea. I still couldn’t help but worry. I knew the dangers of infection better than him. There was even a possibility of amputation.
Three hours later, the doctor announced that Li Jing’s hand didn’t have major issues. I breathed a sigh of relief. Soon after, Li Jing’s anesthesia wore off and he wanted to see me. Yin Li naturally wouldn’t join me, but he gave me a hug before I went in. He was still guarded when it came to Li Jing, but he wouldn’t mention that.
In the hospital room, Li Jing’s face was still a little pale. He smiled at me. “Sorry. You even had to make a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night because of me.” As he spoke, he tried to stand and I helped him up.
“Yan Xiao,” he called my name. Normally, he would call me Yi Yun or Alicia. This was the first time he called me Yan Xiao. I was a little suspicious.
Yet Li Jing didn’t seem to mind. “Sorry. I’d like to apologize for my selfishness. I always wanted to tell you this but I didn’t know how to face you. It was only till later that I learned it was an attempted suicide and that you didn’t love ballet. I was like all the others, and I could be considered an accomplice in pushing you to the edge.
“After learning the truth, I realized I needed to carefully reconsider things. Even after you had lost your memories, I still tried to force you back into Alicia’s shell. After your amnesia, your personality changed and I was very pained. But now that I think about it, perhaps I never understood you. In the past, you probably became that way because of the high-intensity ballet training.”
“Honestly, I never blamed you,” I confessed.
He smiled. “I was actually in low spirits for a while. But yesterday, I snapped out of it. I thought for a long time and concluded that whether you dance ballet or not, I’d love you regardless. I just want to ask now: do I still have a chance?”
I turned away from Li Jing’s handsome yet sallow face. “I don’t think we’re compatible. I already have someone I like. Also, after my amnesia I don’t have any past memories of you. To me, you are just a step above a stranger.”
Li Jing didn’t say anything. The light of daybreak shone into the room. I awkwardly stood there, uncomfortable.
It’s not that I completely forgot Li Jing. Quite the opposite. As the days passed, my memories of him became all the more clear. I remembered him cracking walnuts for me. I remembered him waiting a whole evening in the snowfall just to send me home. On the way home, he didn’t mind his step and slipped, breaking a leg.
I said I didn’t remember him but that was a lie. Yin Li also lied to him but I didn’t correct him. My heart was filled with guilt.
He laughed bitterly. “Just one look at Yin Li and I know I stand no chance, let alone the fact that you don’t even remember me. Then I only have one last request. Can you accompany me until my right hand heals? That’s all I ask for. Just take it as your last gift to me.”
“Sorry.” I felt horrible, but I was harsh and said, “I’m afraid I have no choice. I must return to China with Yin Li immediately since our wedding is coming up. I will hire the best caretaker for you. If you want, you may also attend the wedding.”
I lowered my head, not wanting to look at Li Jing’s pained expression. But I couldn’t give him false hope. Since I decided to be with Yin Li, then I must be responsible for my decision. If I wasn’t resolute trouble would come.
The conversation was awkward and ended abruptly. I bit my lip. After some get-well wishes, I hardened my heart and left.
I was surprised to see Yin Li standing right outside. When he saw me come out, he lifted me up in a hug. His eyes were brimming with joy.
“I didn’t know that we would be getting married as soon as we returned.” His voice carried tones of laughter.
I blushed in embarrassment. “How dare you eavesdrop!”
Yin Li put me down. “I’ve made a lot of exceptions and done a lot of unseemly things for you. This is actually my first time eavesdropping.” He magnanimously admitted his bad manners but he didn’t sound the least embarrassed. “I just couldn’t bear it. I was afraid that your heart would soften for Li Jing. Especially when he was begging you to stay. You don’t know how happy I was when you turned him down.”
I was a bit embarrassed. “Actually, it’s not right of me to do things that way. We don’t know if Li Jing’s hand will fully recover. Keep in mind, he’s an artist.”
Yin Li nonchalantly said, “You don’t need to worry. When he punched me in the face, my face was swollen for a whole two weeks. His hand won’t be crippled that easily. I will definitely arrange for the best nurses and doctors to take care of him. You don’t need to worry. Your sole responsibility is to come back with me and get married.”
That afternoon Yin Li pressed on while the tides were high and bought plane tickets to return that very day.
The weather was a bit gloomy. I sat in the airport lounge spacing out.
Yin Xuan had already pulled herself together and starting mentoring under Madame Taylor. Later, she would attend the competition. Li Jing’s hand also had no further issue. Though he might not be able to get over his heartbreak in the short term, time would heal all wounds. These days, a young nurse was watching over him and they had a lot in common.
Life would go on and it wouldn’t stop for anyone.
Today, with Yin Li by my side, I could bid the past goodbye with no regrets and start a new beginning.
When the plane took off, I could finally say that phrase in my heart: goodbye Paris.
That night, I brought Yin Li to my mother’s grave.
I took off the ballet shoes I wore for the performance and lay them on the grave, along with flowers. Yin Li stood in the wind tightly wrapping his hand around mine. I planned to return to China with him. I wouldn’t settle in Paris. Perhaps, this was a farewell to my mother.
I felt so many things standing in front of the grave.
I was always thankful for my mom.
“Her dream was that one day, my autographed ballet shoes would fetch a record-breaking price at a charity auction.” I saw my mother’s face engraved in the tombstone. “To a dancer, that was a status symbol. My mother hoped I would become a dazzling dancer that lived for her profession.”
I crouched and rubbed the tombstone engraving. “Mom, at that time I really thought that achieving your dream would be achieving my own. But I can’t. I later discovered that it wasn’t what I really wanted. I gave the first half of my life to ballet. Now, I want to live the second half as I wish.”
I spoke with my heart as I faced the tombstone. I firmly believed that somewhere out there, she forgave me for abandoning ballet halfway through and had given me her blessing. My mother was strict. I could be injured and she would still have me dance. She forbid romantic relationships and attending performances. But I remember how worried she looked when I fell sick. In the end, she loved me.
“You gave me my own piece of the ballet world to exist in. Now it’s time for me to go beyond the borders.”
The cemetery at night was quiet and serene. My heart softened and I felt sad. My mother would never reply. I only heard the insects chirping.
The next day I had planned to fly back with Yin Li. However, Li Jing had an accident.
He was recently commissioned to fix up a church’s mural. After the performance, he had drunk wine and then continued working. Unexpectedly, he fell off the scaffold. He broke his right hand and tore his muscles. But because he was drunk and tired, he fainted in the church. He wasn’t discovered in time and his wound became infected. Besides those “brothers” who fought to rob him of his inheritance, he didn’t have anyone else nearby. With no other choice, the private doctor flipped through his phone records and found me.
“He’s frequently come to the hospital. Last month, he drank too much causing his stomach lining to erode. He’s recently cut back. But after receiving the church mural commission, he’s been working to his bone. Every day, he’s been painting like crazy. I’m sorry to call you over so late at night, but his mother has gone to southern France. He also didn’t want his mother to worry.” The doctor was helpless. “Your number was on speed dial. I’m really sorry, but I can’t do a major surgery. It’ll still be safer to quickly send him to the hospital.”
Yin Li and I sent Li Jing to the hospital. Once we saw the surgery room’s lighted sign turn on, it was already morning and we had already missed our flight.
“No worries, it’s just a normal bone fracture. It’s not that bad.” Yin Li passed me a hot cup of milk tea. I still couldn’t help but worry. I knew the dangers of infection better than him. There was even a possibility of amputation.
Three hours later, the doctor announced that Li Jing’s hand didn’t have major issues. I breathed a sigh of relief. Soon after, Li Jing’s anesthesia wore off and he wanted to see me. Yin Li naturally wouldn’t join me, but he gave me a hug before I went in. He was still guarded when it came to Li Jing, but he wouldn’t mention that.
In the hospital room, Li Jing’s face was still a little pale. He smiled at me. “Sorry. You even had to make a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night because of me.” As he spoke, he tried to stand and I helped him up.
“Yan Xiao,” he called my name. Normally, he would call me Yi Yun or Alicia. This was the first time he called me Yan Xiao. I was a little suspicious.
Yet Li Jing didn’t seem to mind. “Sorry. I’d like to apologize for my selfishness. I always wanted to tell you this but I didn’t know how to face you. It was only till later that I learned it was an attempted suicide and that you didn’t love ballet. I was like all the others, and I could be considered an accomplice in pushing you to the edge.
“After learning the truth, I realized I needed to carefully reconsider things. Even after you had lost your memories, I still tried to force you back into Alicia’s shell. After your amnesia, your personality changed and I was very pained. But now that I think about it, perhaps I never understood you. In the past, you probably became that way because of the high-intensity ballet training.”
“Honestly, I never blamed you,” I confessed.
He smiled. “I was actually in low spirits for a while. But yesterday, I snapped out of it. I thought for a long time and concluded that whether you dance ballet or not, I’d love you regardless. I just want to ask now: do I still have a chance?”
I turned away from Li Jing’s handsome yet sallow face. “I don’t think we’re compatible. I already have someone I like. Also, after my amnesia I don’t have any past memories of you. To me, you are just a step above a stranger.”
Li Jing didn’t say anything. The light of daybreak shone into the room. I awkwardly stood there, uncomfortable.
It’s not that I completely forgot Li Jing. Quite the opposite. As the days passed, my memories of him became all the more clear. I remembered him cracking walnuts for me. I remembered him waiting a whole evening in the snowfall just to send me home. On the way home, he didn’t mind his step and slipped, breaking a leg.
I said I didn’t remember him but that was a lie. Yin Li also lied to him but I didn’t correct him. My heart was filled with guilt.
He laughed bitterly. “Just one look at Yin Li and I know I stand no chance, let alone the fact that you don’t even remember me. Then I only have one last request. Can you accompany me until my right hand heals? That’s all I ask for. Just take it as your last gift to me.”
“Sorry.” I felt horrible, but I was harsh and said, “I’m afraid I have no choice. I must return to China with Yin Li immediately since our wedding is coming up. I will hire the best caretaker for you. If you want, you may also attend the wedding.”
I lowered my head, not wanting to look at Li Jing’s pained expression. But I couldn’t give him false hope. Since I decided to be with Yin Li, then I must be responsible for my decision. If I wasn’t resolute trouble would come.
The conversation was awkward and ended abruptly. I bit my lip. After some get-well wishes, I hardened my heart and left.
I was surprised to see Yin Li standing right outside. When he saw me come out, he lifted me up in a hug. His eyes were brimming with joy.
“I didn’t know that we would be getting married as soon as we returned.” His voice carried tones of laughter.
I blushed in embarrassment. “How dare you eavesdrop!”
Yin Li put me down. “I’ve made a lot of exceptions and done a lot of unseemly things for you. This is actually my first time eavesdropping.” He magnanimously admitted his bad manners but he didn’t sound the least embarrassed. “I just couldn’t bear it. I was afraid that your heart would soften for Li Jing. Especially when he was begging you to stay. You don’t know how happy I was when you turned him down.”
I was a bit embarrassed. “Actually, it’s not right of me to do things that way. We don’t know if Li Jing’s hand will fully recover. Keep in mind, he’s an artist.”
Yin Li nonchalantly said, “You don’t need to worry. When he punched me in the face, my face was swollen for a whole two weeks. His hand won’t be crippled that easily. I will definitely arrange for the best nurses and doctors to take care of him. You don’t need to worry. Your sole responsibility is to come back with me and get married.”
That afternoon Yin Li pressed on while the tides were high and bought plane tickets to return that very day.
The weather was a bit gloomy. I sat in the airport lounge spacing out.
Yin Xuan had already pulled herself together and starting mentoring under Madame Taylor. Later, she would attend the competition. Li Jing’s hand also had no further issue. Though he might not be able to get over his heartbreak in the short term, time would heal all wounds. These days, a young nurse was watching over him and they had a lot in common.
Life would go on and it wouldn’t stop for anyone.
Today, with Yin Li by my side, I could bid the past goodbye with no regrets and start a new beginning.
When the plane took off, I could finally say that phrase in my heart: goodbye Paris.
