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Published at 25th of September 2018 02:57:54 AM


Chapter 8.2

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But my affections were not shared by Yin Li. When I entered the room, he made no attempt to mask his frown. “Do you now bring any dirty thing you see home?”

“No, this is a kitten. Look at its eyes, aren’t they pretty?” As I was saying this, I raised the kitten curled in the crook of my arm up to Yin Li to show him. The kitten also made a few whimpering meows as if currying favor. However, the expression on Yin Li’s face grew even more ugly, as if I were holding something worse than trash.

“Throw it out,” he curtly ordered with revulsion.

I didn’t expect him to have such a callous response. I hugged the kitten closer to myself and assumed a defensive stance, “I’ll raise it my room, I’ll even clean up after it. I definitely won’t let it get your house dirty.”

But Yin Li still didn’t relent. He persisted arrogantly and stubbornly: “I don’t want to repeat myself. Throw it out.”

We were in a deadlock. I hugged the kitten and stood in the doorway. The door hadn’t been closed yet, and the cold air blew in from outside. Yet my heart was on fire. Yin Li was always like this, as if I were some doll who should obey his every order. His feelings for me were nothing more than his feelings for some appendage.1

1 just to avoid confusion, “appendage” besides meaning “a part of an organism”, also means “(often with negative or pejorative connotations) a thing that is added or attached to something larger or more important” (Google).

I shouted at him: “No! It’s so cold outside, it’ll die if it’s thrown out!”

Yin Li didn’t bicker with me. His face still in that cold expression, he repeated, “Throw it out!”

As if frightened by our argument, the kitten suddenly yelped. Then leaping out of my arms, it fled outside to hide in the shrubs. I heard a rustling noise, but before I could look for it, its scrawny figure had already vanished into the night.

I turned and glared resentfully at Yin Li. “Fine, it left on its own. Are you satisfied? If you threw me out too, it’d be even better.” Having finished speaking I immediately turned and left in search for the kitten. Because of Yin Li’s attitude, I felt wronged, as if I were that kitten who, instead of being let inside, was driven away by Yin Li.

Under the dim, moonlit night, I pulled up my zipper and wrapped my arms around my chest. As I walked along, I called, mimicking a cat’s meow. But even then, I still couldn’t find it. In the early hours of the morning, when I finally couldn’t bear the cold night air anymore, I headed back. Words festered in my mind as I thought about what I was going to say to Yin Li. If he wouldn’t even let me raise a cat, then maybe we weren’t suited to live together.

I opened the door, feeling the warm, heated air of the room replace the chilly winds outside. Yet my heart still hadn’t warmed up. Defeated, I sluggishly prepared to return to my room when, turning the corner, I heard a meow.

I was elated. Did the kitten find its way back? Then I needed to hide it somewhere before Yin Li discovered it. I followed the sound, but discovered that it was coming from the bathroom next to Yin Li’s bedroom.

When I walked over, I was utterly astonished. Unexpectedly, Yin Li was there, wearing a translucent raincoat, washing the kitten. In the bathtub, a zig-zagging trail of dirt-black, filthy water was left in the wake of the kitten’s fur, but Yin Li didn’t seem to mind. He hadn’t noticed me yet, and was gently washing the kitten’s ears. The kitten had closed its eyes in contentment and affectionately rubbed its head against Yin Li’s hand, meowing meekly.

Just an hour prior, the man before me had worn a cold expression on his face as he told me to throw the cat out. Yet now he was crouched on the floor and giving the kitten a bath. I couldn’t make sense of this. Then Yin Li seemed to feel my gaze and turned his head. “When I went to find you, I found the kitten first. It’s clean now. If you want to raise it, then go ahead. But it can only stay in the gardens. You can build a cat house for it but it can’t enter the house. In the future, don’t run out in a huff so easily. And don’t say such impulsive words.”

As Yin Li spoke, he didn’t look at me, which was rare of him. Finishing up the kitten’s bath, he stood up with his face tilted away from me, and then circled around me to exit.

“Use the hair dryer to dry it off. I’m going to bed now.”

I redirected my gaze from the kitten to Yin Li, and only then did I find something off.

“Yin Li! What’s wrong with your face ?!” I latched onto Yin Li’s hand and then involuntarily cried out. His handsome face was covered in a splotchy red rash, and when I dragged him under the light, I discovered that previously when he had lowered his head and averted his gaze, it was to hide his current miserable situation.

Under the light, all the details were like a broken string of pearls, and now my mind strung them back together one by one.

“You’re allergic to cats!”

Though the answer was obvious, Yin Li clearly didn’t like me examining his face. He waved my hand away. “It’s nothing. It’ll be gone tomorrow.”

He then turned and looked at me. “Don’t worry, I won’t throw your cat out again. In the next few days I’ll remodel the home and swap out the carpets and drapes that attract cat hair. If you keep the cat’s movements restricted to an area and diligently bathe it, then in the future I shouldn’t look as bad as I do today.”

Although, facing Yin Li, I seemed to have a fierce expression, something seemed to be trying to crawl out of my heart. Like a cat’s claws, neither painful nor ticklish2 it seemed to be scratching around, trying to spur some emotion. But Yin Li didn’t give me time to decipher this emotion. Without a second glance he swung around and returned to his room.

2 不痛不痒 (neither painful nor ticklish) is an idiom that can used to describe when something’s wrong, but it’s not clear what, or when you’re not getting to any matter of substance; a superficial effort.





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