Translator: Flying-Lines
It’s nice that you have gone, or I’ll always worry about it.
We're all lonely people walking in the city. People living in Beijing know that this is such a metropolis with a hubbub of voices, but everyone is an isolated island. This is a place where no one would bother to stop for you even if you are wailing.
---Digression
We're all lonely people walking in the city. People living in Beijing know that Beijing is such a metropolis with a hubbub of voices, but everyone has no relationship with others. This is a place where no one would bother to stop to for you even if you are wailing. But this is also a place where you can meet all the warmth. Here you can find not only love but also regret. It’s a city which will never change and will always be there in its cold yet warm way. This is Beijing.
I haven’t met Su Su. The whole story was told by a drifting singer in Beijing named Nan Yang.
One night, I couldn’t fall asleep after working late, then I decided to go out for a walk. When I passed through the underground passage of Beijing West Railway Station, I met Nan Yang. He asked me for a cigarette.
“Dude, got a fag? I have been craving one for a while.” He said sheepishly.
“Yes, but it’s not a good brand. Do you want one?”
“I don’t mind. A simple diet, a bottle of beer and a cigarette are enough to make me satisfied. I ani’t picky.” After taking the cigarette, he began to chat with me.
“It’s well past midnight, and no one’s out here. Why are you still singing? ”
“Sometimes singing is not for others. All the songs I have sung for a whole day are not what I want to sing. When I sing what I like, no one will pay for it. I can only sing a few songs I like at midnight.”
“Then why not sing at home?”
He blushed and said, “I’m renting with others. How impolite it is to disturb them at midnight.”
I said nothing. That reminded me how I lived in poverty many years ago. When I first came to Beijing, I rented a place where no air con was available with eight people, it was unbearable hot in summer and freezing cold in winter. At that time, no one complained, because all of us were striving for our own ambitions. Perhaps it’s because the underground passage was so quiet at night that I suddenly wanted to listen to his songs, I said, “Do you mind singing me a song?”
“Which song would you like to listen to?”
“Your favorite one, please.”
I had forgotten what he sang that night for a long time, I only remembered that he sang affectionately, and I listened to it very attentively. When we parted, I left him the rest of my cigarettes and a hundred yuan. He followed up and said it was too much for a song. I replied that he deserved it, and he’d better go home early on a windy night. He gave me a note with his phone number and his name on it, a nice name he got, Nan Yang.
“Whenever you want to listen to the song, call me please. I'll be there anytime.”
“Sure.”
Soon, I forgot this episode. In such a big city, people’s encounter was as common as subway passengers’ passing by. Beijing was so big that you would meet a person before you realized it, then you would lose him unconsciously. . When you wanted to find this person, you might have lost contact with him. I felt lucky that I could still find Nan Yang.
I had too many business cards. I always received dozens of business cards every day from work. Some might be saved, and others of less importance might be thrown away. I knew that my cards given to others might be treated as garbage too. “After all, different people have different values, but when you are important enough, no one can afford to let you go”, I thought to myself.
I didn’t think of Nan Yang until a few months later. At that time, I had to move house due to job changes.
When packing, a note fell out from my luggage. Then I picked it up. It took me a few minutes to recall the encounter that day and the drifting singer named Nan Yang.
That night, I went to the underground passage of the West Station to see if I could meet him again while it was not too dark. I walked back and forth, passing by a lot of people. There were quite a few street and vendors making a living there. But Nan Yang was nowhere to be seen.
Going out of the underground passage, I lit up a cigarette and dialed the number that Nan Yang had left for me. On the third ring, the phone was connected, and there came a familiar voice.
“Hello. Who am I speaking to?”
“This is the stranger treated you to a cigarette.”
“Ha-ha, it’s you! Where are you now? It’s been a long time.”
“I am at where you used to sing. I'm gonna move away, so I want to visit you.”
“Come to my house and have some drinks.” He told me the address, then I took a taxi there. That must be the remotest suburb of Beijing, yet it was reasonable remote that it still belonged to Beijing. Obviously, the rent was affordable here.
Nan Yang was downstairs to pick me up when I got off. It had only been a few months since last time I saw him, he looked emaciated, but he was still smiling. Among all those Beijing drifting singers I’d ever met, Nan Yang was one of the few who smiled so sincerely.
After some jest, we went upstairs. At first, I thought tenants here must be messy, especially when it came to their closets in the. But Nan Yang’s room was even neater than mine, with everything in order. Suddenly I was interested to know him more.
I said, “You haven’t had dinner, have you？Let me treat you today.”
“Then it’s better to accept deferentially than to decline courteously.” He said with a smile.
The restaurant was not far. An urban village like this might lack a lot of things, but a joint was not one of them.. We went to a barbecue place. After sitting down, I handed him a cigarette and asked him how he had been. He said nothing with a smile on his face.
After a few beers, Nan Yang became talkative, he shared many stories. But what impressed me most was the story between him and a girl named Su Su.
Nan Yang said that he met Su Su in the winter of eight years ago when his fellow drifting singer called Xidan Girl, now a celebrity, had not come to Beijing yet. On that day, there was a heavy snow, and he was singing in an underground passage.
There were few pedestrians on the street due to the snow. He bought a bottle of liquor to warm himself. After drinking it, he sang several songs and closed his eyes for a while. When he opened his eyes, he saw a girl crouching in front of him. In his words, picture it---you were drunk, and you were singing your favorite songs and you were thinking about the girl in your heart. Then you opened your eyes, and you see her right in front of you.
Beijing was so big that you would meet a person before you realized it, then you would lose him unconsciously.
Nan Yang stared at the girl, and she looked at him with a silent smile. He said, “Let me sing you a song.” The girl nodded. Nan Yang sang an old song, named “Am I The Only One You love”. Driven by alcohol, he sang feelingly, as if all the pain he suffered ever was captured in it. Listening to the song, that girl cried. Nan Yang didn’t ask anything. He knew that everyone lived in Beijing had stories to tell, if not one.
For many days since that, the girl would show up at 9 p.m. and listen to his songs. Every time she came and left silently, with no communication with him. But she always brought a hot meal to Nan Yang, which was made by herself. Until one day, Nan Yang could not help asking her why she always came here. This girl replied, “My name is Su Su. Please remember me.”
Since then, Su Su didn’t show up for a long time. Nan Yang felt sick and sang listlessly, he didn’t even go back home until midnight several times. But he didn’t know her number or her address. A week later, Su Su finally appeared. When Nan Yang saw Su Su, he couldn’t hold it any longer that he put down his guitar and ran towards Su Su to hug her. They just cuddled each other quietly in the underground passage of Xidan. People passed by hurriedly, and no one would notice this couple. But I thought, at that time, there must be glowing. I was sure about it!
From then on, Nan Yang and Su Su became an item depending on each other. Su Su quit her steady job and accompanied Nan Yang wholeheartedly. While Nan Yang was singing, Su Su stayed on the side and looked at him quietly. Nan Yang mentioned that Su Su’s favorite song was “Am I The Only One You Love”. When he sang this song, Su Su’s heart ached for him. So she wanted to take care of him from the bottom of her heart.
Nan Yang showed me the only photo of Su Su in his wallet, which was faded. But you could tell Su Su was such a clean and beautiful girl, whom you would like at first sight.
In the next few years, Nan Yang had performed all over Beijing with Su Su’s company, be it the street or the underground passage. In the circle of drifting singers in Beijing, Nan Yang was the most recognized one. People called them "Nan Yang Su Su", and they were also the couple people admired. Nan Yang planned to buy a house in Beijing and married Su Su, it looked like everything was taking a turn for the better, and Su Su's parents came to Beijing.
On the sight of Su Su's parents, Nan Yang came to realize why Su Su always had money to buy cigarettes, wines and guitars for him without hesitation, even if she had been unemployed for two years.
Nan Yang also found out why he never recognized the brand of Su Su’s outfits, because the price of one piece was equivalent to what he sang to earn for months. Su Su had been tactful to maintain his fragile self-esteem. Su Su’s parents strongly disapproved them being together and forced them to break up. Su Su's father patted Nan Yang on the shoulder and said:
“I know you are an eligible young man, down-to-earth and steady. Although you can endure hardship, I can't let Su Su go through it with you. These two years, being afraid we know she's not doing well, she never let us visit her. We’ve been coddling her since she was a child, and it’s enough for her to accompany with you for two years. Please let her move on. I've heard about you guys before, and I wanted to give you some more time, and that is been long enough now. I need to help my girl to move on.”
Nan Yang nodded. He was in no position to refute them. He knew he couldn’t give Su Su a better life. And Su Su also knew that they couldn't be together from the beginning. That’s why she said, “My name is Su Su, please remember me.” Nan Yang did not ask Su Su's parents to let them be together. Instead, he said: "I have just one request---let me stay with Su Su tonight. I’ll send her back tomorrow personally.” Her parents agreed reluctantly.
When they got home, neither of them spoke. After a long silence, Su Su said:
You know what? In my life, you're like my faith.
“Nan Yang, it's about time. I've been postponing it for years. My parents have arranged my work and other things for me...”
"You mean the boyfriend, right?" Nan Yang said that with his head drooped.
Su Su did not reply, while the answer was self-evident. On that night, they talked a lot. Nan Yang said he had forgotten most of it. The only thing he remembered was Su Su took his hand and cried:
“Nan Yang, please promise me that you will continue singing, even without me. You cannot give up, after all you have persisted it for so long. One thing I will never regret in my life is meeting you on that snowy day. You know what? You suddenly show up in my life, so irresistible, like my faith. That night I met you, you were standing in the snow so determinedly, and I thought I had lived my whole life with you on that night.”
At that point, Nan Yang started to cry, from sobbing to crying out loud. I patted him on the shoulder and didn't know how to comfort him. Nan Yang took another puff after a shot, then he continued:
“Then Su Su left, and I didn't want to sing any more. I went back to hometown for a few months, trying to forget everything about Beijing, including Su Su. Later, I found that it took more than time to forget a person, even if you forced yourself to be ruthless. After all, I had loved her in a helpless way. The day you met me was the first day I returned to Beijing. For the sake of Su Su, I felt I had to come back.”
“How could you split up like this? You have been together for several years. Haven’t you tried after that?”
Nan Yang smiled and said, “Of course I’ve tried. I saved money to visit her, but she refused to see me, even if I was downstairs of her house.”
I said, “Su Su is so heartless.”
"I saw where she was coming from. She wanted to tell me no way could we go back. I don't blame her. It’s my fault. After all, she's married.”
“Is she married?”
“Yes. Two months ago.”
“Don't you hate her at all?”
"No. You don't know that it's a great honor to be a girl's faith.”
Then we talked about a lot of other things until the restaurant was closed. On the way back, Nan Yang and I smoked silently. At the intersection where we took different turns, Nan Yang stopped me.
“The night Su Su was leaving, she sang me a song, the one I sang to her. She told me that Nan Yang, don't be sad. After all, she has left the best part of her for my best years.”
I said, “Nan Yang, sing me a song, just this one, <Am I The Only One You Love> ”. Nan Yang said “Sure”. Then two men, like two sad dogs, sat on the road side of Beijing's Sixth Ring Road and sang the song.
Am I the only one you love,
I have never felt so in need,
I am begging you to come home,
Can you hear me,
Can you feel the love,
How could you leave me spending all alone…
I didn't tell Nan Yang that I was just lovelorn last week. After all, my sadness and his could not be mentioned in the same breath. So that I felt that compared with his experience, my past romance was a superficial one while his was unforgettable.
I told Nan Yang that they didn’t owe each other, but you've disappointed each other.
After I left, I never saw Nan Yang again. Later on, I knew that he went to Ningxia, Dali, Tibet from the beautiful scenery snaps posted on his Wechat. A few days ago, I suddenly saw a singer named Nan Yang Su Su in a singing contest. I knew that after all these years, he made it. On TV, his skin was tanned a lot, but healthier than before. And his smile was still so sincere. He sang the song we sang together that night, which moved the audience and the judges. I didn't keep watching it.
Turning off the TV, I sent a message to Nan Yang. I asked, “What happenednext?”
A few minutes later, Nan Yang replied:
"Nothing..."
Translator: Flying-Lines
It’s nice that you have gone, or I’ll always worry about it.
We're all lonely people walking in the city. People living in Beijing know that this is such a metropolis with a hubbub of voices, but everyone is an isolated island. This is a place where no one would bother to stop for you even if you are wailing.
---Digression
We're all lonely people walking in the city. People living in Beijing know that Beijing is such a metropolis with a hubbub of voices, but everyone has no relationship with others. This is a place where no one would bother to stop to for you even if you are wailing. But this is also a place where you can meet all the warmth. Here you can find not only love but also regret. It’s a city which will never change and will always be there in its cold yet warm way. This is Beijing.
I haven’t met Su Su. The whole story was told by a drifting singer in Beijing named Nan Yang.
One night, I couldn’t fall asleep after working late, then I decided to go out for a walk. When I passed through the underground passage of Beijing West Railway Station, I met Nan Yang. He asked me for a cigarette.
“Dude, got a fag? I have been craving one for a while.” He said sheepishly.
“Yes, but it’s not a good brand. Do you want one?”
“I don’t mind. A simple diet, a bottle of beer and a cigarette are enough to make me satisfied. I ani’t picky.” After taking the cigarette, he began to chat with me.
“It’s well past midnight, and no one’s out here. Why are you still singing? ”
“Sometimes singing is not for others. All the songs I have sung for a whole day are not what I want to sing. When I sing what I like, no one will pay for it. I can only sing a few songs I like at midnight.”
“Then why not sing at home?”
He blushed and said, “I’m renting with others. How impolite it is to disturb them at midnight.”
I said nothing. That reminded me how I lived in poverty many years ago. When I first came to Beijing, I rented a place where no air con was available with eight people, it was unbearable hot in summer and freezing cold in winter. At that time, no one complained, because all of us were striving for our own ambitions. Perhaps it’s because the underground passage was so quiet at night that I suddenly wanted to listen to his songs, I said, “Do you mind singing me a song?”
“Which song would you like to listen to?”
“Your favorite one, please.”
I had forgotten what he sang that night for a long time, I only remembered that he sang affectionately, and I listened to it very attentively. When we parted, I left him the rest of my cigarettes and a hundred yuan. He followed up and said it was too much for a song. I replied that he deserved it, and he’d better go home early on a windy night. He gave me a note with his phone number and his name on it, a nice name he got, Nan Yang.
“Whenever you want to listen to the song, call me please. I'll be there anytime.”
“Sure.”
Soon, I forgot this episode. In such a big city, people’s encounter was as common as subway passengers’ passing by. Beijing was so big that you would meet a person before you realized it, then you would lose him unconsciously. . When you wanted to find this person, you might have lost contact with him. I felt lucky that I could still find Nan Yang.
I had too many business cards. I always received dozens of business cards every day from work. Some might be saved, and others of less importance might be thrown away. I knew that my cards given to others might be treated as garbage too. “After all, different people have different values, but when you are important enough, no one can afford to let you go”, I thought to myself.
I didn’t think of Nan Yang until a few months later. At that time, I had to move house due to job changes.
When packing, a note fell out from my luggage. Then I picked it up. It took me a few minutes to recall the encounter that day and the drifting singer named Nan Yang.
That night, I went to the underground passage of the West Station to see if I could meet him again while it was not too dark. I walked back and forth, passing by a lot of people. There were quite a few street and vendors making a living there. But Nan Yang was nowhere to be seen.
Going out of the underground passage, I lit up a cigarette and dialed the number that Nan Yang had left for me. On the third ring, the phone was connected, and there came a familiar voice.
“Hello. Who am I speaking to?”
“This is the stranger treated you to a cigarette.”
“Ha-ha, it’s you! Where are you now? It’s been a long time.”
“I am at where you used to sing. I'm gonna move away, so I want to visit you.”
“Come to my house and have some drinks.” He told me the address, then I took a taxi there. That must be the remotest suburb of Beijing, yet it was reasonable remote that it still belonged to Beijing. Obviously, the rent was affordable here.
Nan Yang was downstairs to pick me up when I got off. It had only been a few months since last time I saw him, he looked emaciated, but he was still smiling. Among all those Beijing drifting singers I’d ever met, Nan Yang was one of the few who smiled so sincerely.
After some jest, we went upstairs. At first, I thought tenants here must be messy, especially when it came to their closets in the. But Nan Yang’s room was even neater than mine, with everything in order. Suddenly I was interested to know him more.
I said, “You haven’t had dinner, have you？Let me treat you today.”
“Then it’s better to accept deferentially than to decline courteously.” He said with a smile.
The restaurant was not far. An urban village like this might lack a lot of things, but a joint was not one of them.. We went to a barbecue place. After sitting down, I handed him a cigarette and asked him how he had been. He said nothing with a smile on his face.
After a few beers, Nan Yang became talkative, he shared many stories. But what impressed me most was the story between him and a girl named Su Su.
Nan Yang said that he met Su Su in the winter of eight years ago when his fellow drifting singer called Xidan Girl, now a celebrity, had not come to Beijing yet. On that day, there was a heavy snow, and he was singing in an underground passage.
There were few pedestrians on the street due to the snow. He bought a bottle of liquor to warm himself. After drinking it, he sang several songs and closed his eyes for a while. When he opened his eyes, he saw a girl crouching in front of him. In his words, picture it---you were drunk, and you were singing your favorite songs and you were thinking about the girl in your heart. Then you opened your eyes, and you see her right in front of you.
Beijing was so big that you would meet a person before you realized it, then you would lose him unconsciously.
Nan Yang stared at the girl, and she looked at him with a silent smile. He said, “Let me sing you a song.” The girl nodded. Nan Yang sang an old song, named “Am I The Only One You love”. Driven by alcohol, he sang feelingly, as if all the pain he suffered ever was captured in it. Listening to the song, that girl cried. Nan Yang didn’t ask anything. He knew that everyone lived in Beijing had stories to tell, if not one.
For many days since that, the girl would show up at 9 p.m. and listen to his songs. Every time she came and left silently, with no communication with him. But she always brought a hot meal to Nan Yang, which was made by herself. Until one day, Nan Yang could not help asking her why she always came here. This girl replied, “My name is Su Su. Please remember me.”
Since then, Su Su didn’t show up for a long time. Nan Yang felt sick and sang listlessly, he didn’t even go back home until midnight several times. But he didn’t know her number or her address. A week later, Su Su finally appeared. When Nan Yang saw Su Su, he couldn’t hold it any longer that he put down his guitar and ran towards Su Su to hug her. They just cuddled each other quietly in the underground passage of Xidan. People passed by hurriedly, and no one would notice this couple. But I thought, at that time, there must be glowing. I was sure about it!
From then on, Nan Yang and Su Su became an item depending on each other. Su Su quit her steady job and accompanied Nan Yang wholeheartedly. While Nan Yang was singing, Su Su stayed on the side and looked at him quietly. Nan Yang mentioned that Su Su’s favorite song was “Am I The Only One You Love”. When he sang this song, Su Su’s heart ached for him. So she wanted to take care of him from the bottom of her heart.
Nan Yang showed me the only photo of Su Su in his wallet, which was faded. But you could tell Su Su was such a clean and beautiful girl, whom you would like at first sight.
In the next few years, Nan Yang had performed all over Beijing with Su Su’s company, be it the street or the underground passage. In the circle of drifting singers in Beijing, Nan Yang was the most recognized one. People called them "Nan Yang Su Su", and they were also the couple people admired. Nan Yang planned to buy a house in Beijing and married Su Su, it looked like everything was taking a turn for the better, and Su Su's parents came to Beijing.
On the sight of Su Su's parents, Nan Yang came to realize why Su Su always had money to buy cigarettes, wines and guitars for him without hesitation, even if she had been unemployed for two years.
Nan Yang also found out why he never recognized the brand of Su Su’s outfits, because the price of one piece was equivalent to what he sang to earn for months. Su Su had been tactful to maintain his fragile self-esteem. Su Su’s parents strongly disapproved them being together and forced them to break up. Su Su's father patted Nan Yang on the shoulder and said:
“I know you are an eligible young man, down-to-earth and steady. Although you can endure hardship, I can't let Su Su go through it with you. These two years, being afraid we know she's not doing well, she never let us visit her. We’ve been coddling her since she was a child, and it’s enough for her to accompany with you for two years. Please let her move on. I've heard about you guys before, and I wanted to give you some more time, and that is been long enough now. I need to help my girl to move on.”
Nan Yang nodded. He was in no position to refute them. He knew he couldn’t give Su Su a better life. And Su Su also knew that they couldn't be together from the beginning. That’s why she said, “My name is Su Su, please remember me.” Nan Yang did not ask Su Su's parents to let them be together. Instead, he said: "I have just one request---let me stay with Su Su tonight. I’ll send her back tomorrow personally.” Her parents agreed reluctantly.
When they got home, neither of them spoke. After a long silence, Su Su said:
You know what? In my life, you're like my faith.
“Nan Yang, it's about time. I've been postponing it for years. My parents have arranged my work and other things for me...”
"You mean the boyfriend, right?" Nan Yang said that with his head drooped.
Su Su did not reply, while the answer was self-evident. On that night, they talked a lot. Nan Yang said he had forgotten most of it. The only thing he remembered was Su Su took his hand and cried:
“Nan Yang, please promise me that you will continue singing, even without me. You cannot give up, after all you have persisted it for so long. One thing I will never regret in my life is meeting you on that snowy day. You know what? You suddenly show up in my life, so irresistible, like my faith. That night I met you, you were standing in the snow so determinedly, and I thought I had lived my whole life with you on that night.”
At that point, Nan Yang started to cry, from sobbing to crying out loud. I patted him on the shoulder and didn't know how to comfort him. Nan Yang took another puff after a shot, then he continued:
“Then Su Su left, and I didn't want to sing any more. I went back to hometown for a few months, trying to forget everything about Beijing, including Su Su. Later, I found that it took more than time to forget a person, even if you forced yourself to be ruthless. After all, I had loved her in a helpless way. The day you met me was the first day I returned to Beijing. For the sake of Su Su, I felt I had to come back.”
“How could you split up like this? You have been together for several years. Haven’t you tried after that?”
Nan Yang smiled and said, “Of course I’ve tried. I saved money to visit her, but she refused to see me, even if I was downstairs of her house.”
I said, “Su Su is so heartless.”
"I saw where she was coming from. She wanted to tell me no way could we go back. I don't blame her. It’s my fault. After all, she's married.”
“Is she married?”
“Yes. Two months ago.”
“Don't you hate her at all?”
"No. You don't know that it's a great honor to be a girl's faith.”
Then we talked about a lot of other things until the restaurant was closed. On the way back, Nan Yang and I smoked silently. At the intersection where we took different turns, Nan Yang stopped me.
“The night Su Su was leaving, she sang me a song, the one I sang to her. She told me that Nan Yang, don't be sad. After all, she has left the best part of her for my best years.”
I said, “Nan Yang, sing me a song, just this one, <Am I The Only One You Love> ”. Nan Yang said “Sure”. Then two men, like two sad dogs, sat on the road side of Beijing's Sixth Ring Road and sang the song.
Am I the only one you love,
I have never felt so in need,
I am begging you to come home,
Can you hear me,
Can you feel the love,
How could you leave me spending all alone…
I didn't tell Nan Yang that I was just lovelorn last week. After all, my sadness and his could not be mentioned in the same breath. So that I felt that compared with his experience, my past romance was a superficial one while his was unforgettable.
I told Nan Yang that they didn’t owe each other, but you've disappointed each other.
After I left, I never saw Nan Yang again. Later on, I knew that he went to Ningxia, Dali, Tibet from the beautiful scenery snaps posted on his Wechat. A few days ago, I suddenly saw a singer named Nan Yang Su Su in a singing contest. I knew that after all these years, he made it. On TV, his skin was tanned a lot, but healthier than before. And his smile was still so sincere. He sang the song we sang together that night, which moved the audience and the judges. I didn't keep watching it.
Turning off the TV, I sent a message to Nan Yang. I asked, “What happenednext?”
A few minutes later, Nan Yang replied:
"Nothing..."
