Never has she cursed her own foolishness to this extent.
Looking at her ankles chained to the walls of her cell, Violette curses for the umpteenth time. The curses were, of course, directed to herself.
The hints were lying everywhere and the truth was right in front of her eyes. But it was all too late when she realized that she had turned her eyes away from everything and became blind.
Her father who kept betraying her mother, the concubine whom her father unconditionally loves, as well as her half-sister who was born to the two of them. Even the person she loves whose heart was stolen by her half-sister.
All of them are trying to kill her, to hurt her. They are trying to trample down on her happiness.
Mother lost her mind because of Father. Because of the concubine who stole Father’s heart. I am not loved because of the daughter born to my father and his concubine. No one—not my mother, not my father and not even the person I love— loves me, and it’s all that woman’s fault.
Convinced of such, she selfishly hated and bore grudges. Madness-driven revenge despite being unharmed is certainly the height of insanity.
She hurt many people. Without knowing how foolish she was.
She ended up destroying many things. With her own hands, of her own accord.
It was stupid, utterly foolish. A deed so horrendous that she won’t be forgiven even if she apologizes. Whenever she recalls it, every single thing she had done cuts up her heart into pieces.
“…I’m sorry.”
Bowing down to the point where her head touches the ground would still not suffice. Violette, who selfishly used force and authority, cannot complain even if she were to be punished for her actions. Retribution. Self-incurred. It was too light to be called a punishment.
Bound by chains inside a prison cell, it is too lenient that she ought to be grateful for still being alive. Under normal circumstances, losing her life is the fitting end for her.
Her last moments given to her by her beautiful half-sister was kind and cruel to no end.
Even if she begs to atone for her actions, her kind half-sister will not punish Violette. She would never think of taking her life.
Her heart that is compassionate to all living beings is as pure as that of a goddess’, and it is something Violette can never have.
With the way she is, she will certainly not forget about Violette even as time passes. She will bear the mistake her older half-sister made on her back because they are family.
“I’m… sorry…”
Oh, how oppressive it is to steal someone’s happiness from them. Using the pretense of taking back what was hers as justification, she is likely to cast a shadow on every happiness she obtains.
Even the relationship she had with the person she once loved. Violette’s existence will be an obstacle and it will perhaps crumble.
That was her motive, yet regretting it at this point is an act of sheer folly. As they say, “It’s no use crying over spilled milk.”
A family from which a sinner was born can never remain as aristocrats. The best case scenario is that the family will be demoted by rank, while the worst case scenario is that the family will go to ruins and be sent to the countryside. Either way, they cannot keep their current lifestyle.
It is impossible for him, who has the proud blood of the King running through his veins, to marry a daughter from that sort of family.
“I’m… Sor…”
Ah, how unsightly. Her apologies that will reach no one are nothing but useless. Above all, no matter what words she says at this point, everything has already happened.
“I’m… Sor… I’m… Sorry…!”
Her voice is hoarse and her throat is sore. Her eyes feel hot and her nose is stuffy.
She wanted to be loved and praised that she obsessed herself with beauty. Yet her current self is terribly dirty with tears and snot. To make matters worse, she is a prisoner chained to her cell and has not taken a bath. She is only getting filthier each passing day.
She cried until she had no more tears to shed. She apologized until her voice became hoarse. Even so, her sin will not be forgiven.
Everything was drifted away to the past where her hands can never reach. Violette lost the means to be forgiven forever.
“I-I… am… Sor…ry.”
The more she regrets, the more she remembers that day.
The omen to Violette’s descent to ruin and to her heart being devoured by her fear of not being loved. A week after her mother passed away, on the day her father introduced and brought his new wife and daughter.
Violette’s first meeting with her half-sister. The countdown to her going out of control.
Despite knowing it would be pointless, she still cannot help but think:
If only I can go back to that day. If only I can go back before everything started…
I will not make mistakes anymore. I will live until my last breath without being conspicuous and haughty, and without hurting anyone.
I swear to live without bothering anyone.
× × × ×
“Violette… Violette!”
“──Y-Yes!”
“…What’s the matter? You will startle them if you suddenly stop in the middle of the conversation.”
“Huh…?”
Father is next to me. And in front of us are one woman and one girl. The endearing smile on her face suits her more than the tear-stained face deeply ingrained in my memories.
Am I having a dream? Or maybe this is punishment for regretting my sin and shamelessly wishing to come back.
This is a scene of that day.
Before I could even come in terms with the sorrow I felt for my mother’s death and the relief I feel somewhere in my heart, Father introduced his beloved family to me.
He introduced the woman who smiles gently as my mother and the girl who smiles innocently as my younger sister as if flaunting the world from which I was forced out from.
It was the memory I kept recalling for how many times inside my cell. The day my regret began.
“My name is Elfa. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“I am Maryjun. Please treat me well… Onee-sama.”
“──!”
At this moment originally, I threw black tea on her. I could not bear the discomfort I felt from being called her sister and threw my frustration at her smile which seemed to flaunt her happiness.
Even now, my hand unconsciously reached for the cup… But I managed to stop myself in the nick of time. However, I was not able to do anything about my stiff expression.
“…I am Violette Rem Vahan. It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Elfa and Lady Maryjun.”
I hung my head down to hide my face. I can tell that my father next to me gasped with surprise.
I was always cold whenever we meet. I would neither greet nor smile at him, let alone lower my head. The way Father remembers me, this must be unbelievable behavior.
“I hate to interrupt, but may I excuse myself for a moment?”
“O-Of course…”
“Excuse me.”
I looked askance at my confused father, curtsied, and then left the room. With no idea about what is happening, I lifted up my dress and returned quickly to my room.
I had no particular plan in mind by returning to my room, but I was as confused as or even more confused than my father.
As soon as I entered my room, I reached out to my secret hidden inside the second drawer of my desk.
I pulled out a thick book and flipped to the bookmarked page. Blank. Flipping back to the previous page, I saw yesterday’s date written in familiar handwriting. This is my diary which I have been writing since childhood. It is a secret crystal where everything I cannot show or tell anyone is recorded.
The date is yesterday, and events that happened way before my imprisonment were composed in a familiar handwriting.
“Why… What’s the meaning of this…?”
Are you telling me that time rewound? That’s impossible. Unbelievable. Even a wizard cannot undo what has been done.
But right now, in reality, I am outside my cell and unchained.
“This isn’t… a dream?”
The sensations my fingers touch, the sight visible to my eyes, even the wind reaching my ears is refreshing. It’s hard to believe that this is a dream.
I came back to the place I wished for, back to the day of my regret.
Long before everything started and I thought of killing her. On the day my insanity was born.
“…I will never make mistakes again.”
So that no unnecessary offenses or responsibilities will be forced on me. So that no one will be hurt.
I shall fulfill the wish filled with apologies that reach no one’s ears that I made in that dark cell.
I will not bother anyone again.
Never has she cursed her own foolishness to this extent.
Looking at her ankles chained to the walls of her cell, Violette curses for the umpteenth time. The curses were, of course, directed to herself.
The hints were lying everywhere and the truth was right in front of her eyes. But it was all too late when she realized that she had turned her eyes away from everything and became blind.
Her father who kept betraying her mother, the concubine whom her father unconditionally loves, as well as her half-sister who was born to the two of them. Even the person she loves whose heart was stolen by her half-sister.
All of them are trying to kill her, to hurt her. They are trying to trample down on her happiness.
Mother lost her mind because of Father. Because of the concubine who stole Father’s heart. I am not loved because of the daughter born to my father and his concubine. No one—not my mother, not my father and not even the person I love— loves me, and it’s all that woman’s fault.
Convinced of such, she selfishly hated and bore grudges. Madness-driven revenge despite being unharmed is certainly the height of insanity.
She hurt many people. Without knowing how foolish she was.
She ended up destroying many things. With her own hands, of her own accord.
It was stupid, utterly foolish. A deed so horrendous that she won’t be forgiven even if she apologizes. Whenever she recalls it, every single thing she had done cuts up her heart into pieces.
“…I’m sorry.”
Bowing down to the point where her head touches the ground would still not suffice. Violette, who selfishly used force and authority, cannot complain even if she were to be punished for her actions. Retribution. Self-incurred. It was too light to be called a punishment.
Bound by chains inside a prison cell, it is too lenient that she ought to be grateful for still being alive. Under normal circumstances, losing her life is the fitting end for her.
Her last moments given to her by her beautiful half-sister was kind and cruel to no end.
Even if she begs to atone for her actions, her kind half-sister will not punish Violette. She would never think of taking her life.
Her heart that is compassionate to all living beings is as pure as that of a goddess’, and it is something Violette can never have.
With the way she is, she will certainly not forget about Violette even as time passes. She will bear the mistake her older half-sister made on her back because they are family.
“I’m… sorry…”
Oh, how oppressive it is to steal someone’s happiness from them. Using the pretense of taking back what was hers as justification, she is likely to cast a shadow on every happiness she obtains.
Even the relationship she had with the person she once loved. Violette’s existence will be an obstacle and it will perhaps crumble.
That was her motive, yet regretting it at this point is an act of sheer folly. As they say, “It’s no use crying over spilled milk.”
A family from which a sinner was born can never remain as aristocrats. The best case scenario is that the family will be demoted by rank, while the worst case scenario is that the family will go to ruins and be sent to the countryside. Either way, they cannot keep their current lifestyle.
It is impossible for him, who has the proud blood of the King running through his veins, to marry a daughter from that sort of family.
“I’m… Sor…”
Ah, how unsightly. Her apologies that will reach no one are nothing but useless. Above all, no matter what words she says at this point, everything has already happened.
“I’m… Sor… I’m… Sorry…!”
Her voice is hoarse and her throat is sore. Her eyes feel hot and her nose is stuffy.
She wanted to be loved and praised that she obsessed herself with beauty. Yet her current self is terribly dirty with tears and snot. To make matters worse, she is a prisoner chained to her cell and has not taken a bath. She is only getting filthier each passing day.
She cried until she had no more tears to shed. She apologized until her voice became hoarse. Even so, her sin will not be forgiven.
Everything was drifted away to the past where her hands can never reach. Violette lost the means to be forgiven forever.
“I-I… am… Sor…ry.”
The more she regrets, the more she remembers that day.
The omen to Violette’s descent to ruin and to her heart being devoured by her fear of not being loved. A week after her mother passed away, on the day her father introduced and brought his new wife and daughter.
Violette’s first meeting with her half-sister. The countdown to her going out of control.
Despite knowing it would be pointless, she still cannot help but think:
If only I can go back to that day. If only I can go back before everything started…
I will not make mistakes anymore. I will live until my last breath without being conspicuous and haughty, and without hurting anyone.
I swear to live without bothering anyone.
× × × ×
“Violette… Violette!”
“──Y-Yes!”
“…What’s the matter? You will startle them if you suddenly stop in the middle of the conversation.”
“Huh…?”
Father is next to me. And in front of us are one woman and one girl. The endearing smile on her face suits her more than the tear-stained face deeply ingrained in my memories.
Am I having a dream? Or maybe this is punishment for regretting my sin and shamelessly wishing to come back.
This is a scene of that day.
Before I could even come in terms with the sorrow I felt for my mother’s death and the relief I feel somewhere in my heart, Father introduced his beloved family to me.
He introduced the woman who smiles gently as my mother and the girl who smiles innocently as my younger sister as if flaunting the world from which I was forced out from.
It was the memory I kept recalling for how many times inside my cell. The day my regret began.
“My name is Elfa. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“I am Maryjun. Please treat me well… Onee-sama.”
“──!”
At this moment originally, I threw black tea on her. I could not bear the discomfort I felt from being called her sister and threw my frustration at her smile which seemed to flaunt her happiness.
Even now, my hand unconsciously reached for the cup… But I managed to stop myself in the nick of time. However, I was not able to do anything about my stiff expression.
“…I am Violette Rem Vahan. It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Elfa and Lady Maryjun.”
I hung my head down to hide my face. I can tell that my father next to me gasped with surprise.
I was always cold whenever we meet. I would neither greet nor smile at him, let alone lower my head. The way Father remembers me, this must be unbelievable behavior.
“I hate to interrupt, but may I excuse myself for a moment?”
“O-Of course…”
“Excuse me.”
I looked askance at my confused father, curtsied, and then left the room. With no idea about what is happening, I lifted up my dress and returned quickly to my room.
I had no particular plan in mind by returning to my room, but I was as confused as or even more confused than my father.
As soon as I entered my room, I reached out to my secret hidden inside the second drawer of my desk.
I pulled out a thick book and flipped to the bookmarked page. Blank. Flipping back to the previous page, I saw yesterday’s date written in familiar handwriting. This is my diary which I have been writing since childhood. It is a secret crystal where everything I cannot show or tell anyone is recorded.
The date is yesterday, and events that happened way before my imprisonment were composed in a familiar handwriting.
“Why… What’s the meaning of this…?”
Are you telling me that time rewound? That’s impossible. Unbelievable. Even a wizard cannot undo what has been done.
But right now, in reality, I am outside my cell and unchained.
“This isn’t… a dream?”
The sensations my fingers touch, the sight visible to my eyes, even the wind reaching my ears is refreshing. It’s hard to believe that this is a dream.
I came back to the place I wished for, back to the day of my regret.
Long before everything started and I thought of killing her. On the day my insanity was born.
“…I will never make mistakes again.”
So that no unnecessary offenses or responsibilities will be forced on me. So that no one will be hurt.
I shall fulfill the wish filled with apologies that reach no one’s ears that I made in that dark cell.
I will not bother anyone again.
