Chapter 32
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I couldn't sleep with my thoughts storming over Amanda and what the hell should I do. And when it was dawn, I gave up on trying to sleep, switched on my laptop and tried to search all the databases that I could get my hands on, on the real Amanda.
Questions filled my mind. If this wasn't the real Amanda, then who was? And where was she leaving Samantha when she needed her the most? Could that woman have gotten rid of her? Killed her maybe? Then who was the kid? What if Amanda was after something from Samantha? There was a big chance. Maybe she was waiting for Samantha to open up about something or show her something.
Also, maybe she was getting impatient with her and was planning to kill her.
Finding nothing useful, I got off the bed, opened the windows of my room and leaned outside as I smoked a cigarette. It was really cold and I was shirtless.
I squinted and watched a big, black bug skitter on the window's start. I extended my hand and let it run on my arm. I smirked at the sensation of the tiny feet scuttling on my skin. I then sighed and brought the cigarette back to my mouth.
Now I had to think of a bloody Amanda too. I grimaced at the disturbing thought and flicked the bug off my arm.
I didn't know what I should do, but I was angry about this whole situation. I would confront her about it of course. She didn't scare me. But confronting her was not the main problem. The main problem was when. When should I do it? Should it be now? Should it be tomorrow? How would Samantha respond?
What was more important was control. I had to know what that woman wanted first. I wanted to understand her. Know what were her motives. So I could identify her weak point. Only then the game could start. However, clearly, she wasn't looking to harm Samantha. Yet.
I banged my fist with the window's metal start in annoyance, then winced at the wound that I had from the knife, yesterday. No worries, it was superficial. It'd take just a few days to heal. I sighed irritated at my indecisiveness.
Excellent. All I needed was a bloody Amanda, along with my father to worry about.
I pushed myself off the start as soon as soon as the sun's bright rays started making a bloody appearance. I grunted and made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Seemed like I'd need the caffeine.
I glanced at my phone's screen as if expecting a call from Samantha at this hour. It was five thirty in the bloody morning.
She is a normal human being who'd definitely be sleeping at this hour, I reminded myself.
I chucked my phone on the living room's violet, velvet couch, sat on it and sipped on my coffee, hoping I'd be able to do something about my situation.
---
Alexander's POV.
"Aim," I ordered sharply as the wind ruffled through my hair and through the leaves of the trees standing above us.
Augustus pulled the trigger, but it missed the bloody can for the seventh time in a row. He huffed irritated, clenching his jaw.
"What happened to your aim, Augustus?! Focus!" I scolded, but he didn't look at me as he re-extended his right arm. He then supported it with his left hand, squinted and aimed at the soda can that was perched on a huge rock a few metres away from him in the woods, that we drove to this morning.
I knew Augusts enjoyed shooting because he said it made him feel in control, but I didn't know what was wrong him. I took him here in this nice, weirdly warm day to make up for what I'd done.
His feet shifted several times, causing the fallen leaves to crunch under his weight. I waited for him to shoot again, but he kept grunting and shifting positions. I watched him, surprised by his behaviour.
The weak sun rays infiltrated through the treetops and illuminated his almost white hair. I crossed my arms across my chest as I watched Augustus sweat in his black shirt as he swore profusely. I tapped my feet impatiently. I didn't like what he was becoming. Unfocused. Too emotional. Dangerous to himself.
I watched him lean and lower his head a bit as his triceps tensed. He huffed a bit more and shifted restlessly. My eyes widened and I was about to scold him to shoot already, when he suddenly straightened up, threw his gun with great force at the can, dropping it.
"I can't do it!" He said more to himself, shaking his head, his face screwed up in anger. He then kicked a tree's root and grunted. "I-CAN'T-FUCKING-DO-IT!" He shouted, pushing the tree and punching it with so much anger, that I recoiled. His face reddened and his hair was stuck to his head with sweat as his forehead's vessel bulged.
What was happening to him?
He threw his body at the tree, bringing a rain of dead leaves and debris down on us. He kept repeating this and I kept watching blankly before he finally spat at the ground and ran away through the trees. I was so shocked, too shocked to even move and follow him.
I shut my eyes for a few moments and sighed. I guessed he really loved that girl. I walked to the rock and bent down to pick up his gun that had his initials at the hilt. His most valuable possession.
I must admit, Augustus, startled me. Not only did he like shooting, but he was also brilliant at it. He could shoot from distances, I myself failed to shoot at. His perfect aim and focus was something to be envied. But today was against all my expectations. He had failed me.
I reached for my phone and tried calling him, but his phone was already off. I sighed and decided it was best to head back to my car with or without him.
When he vented his rage, he could always find me.
---
Julius's POV.
I jolted up at the sound of my phone ringing to find myself drenched in coffee. I looked at my hand where the mug of coffee was still there, angled towards my torso.
Great. I slept while drinking my cup of coffee. Looked like caffeine had the opposite effect on me. I groaned angrily and reached for my phone that wouldn't shut up!
Augustus. Perfect timing.
I ignored the call, got up and took off my pants and boxers that were drenched in coffee and headed to the washroom immediately for a quick shower.
After finishing, I came out and wrapped a towel around my waist as I felt a cold breeze blow across my chest.
Why the hell was the suite so cold?!
Oh, the windows.
I angrily rushed to my room to shut the windows as my phone continued ringing in the living room. I got to the living room and picked up the phone.
Augustus. 10 missed calls. Did he even know what it meant to give up?
I answered and snapped. "What?!"
I heard sniffing on the other side and relaxed as I looked at my coffee-drenched garments that littered the floor and the big stain on the couch.
"Can I come?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.
"No," I breathed. "Not now. Today is Tuesday. Father might come," I said picking up my garments and throwing them on a chair in my room, making a mental note that I'd need to take all the clothes on that chair for laundry. One day.
"I was with him. I don't think-"
"No, Augustus. Not today," I insisted, remembering all the thinking I had to do about the Amanda shit.
"Please-" he said sniffing more.
I hung up on him.
I opened my closet finding nothing, but a single navy blue sweatpants. No shirts.
Now I really must take my clothes for laundry- I thought.
I put them on and was not shocked to hear my doorbell ring. It was probably Father. I headed to the door and yanked it open.
Augustus stood in the doorway, clad in a black, creased shirt, topped with an army green jacket and black pants. He wore sunglasses and my jade green scarf that covered his chin. His hands were curled in fists and I didn't fail to notice his bruised knuckles.
I sighed and moved out of the way, letting him in. He immediately headed to my room where he sat on my bed.
"I literally just hung up on you," I said irritably.
"Yeah, by that time I was already in front of the door," he said sniffing.
I sighed and sat next to him. He still wore his sunglasses which I found weird.
"What's up with the sunglass-" I said reaching for them, but he moved away.
"Nothing," he said and I raised my eyebrows chuckling.
"There's literally no sun in here. I live like a bloody vampire and you just amble in with the sunglasses. Ironic," I said and his pink lips curved into a sly, lopsided smile. "Alright. Take them off." I then added seriously.
"I won't."
"You will."
"Please-"
"What are you hiding?!" I said lunging on him and snatching away the glasses. He looked away. "Augustus, what the hell?" I said urgently. "Look at me."
He wouldn't even glance in my direction.
Feeling fear and dread grip my heart for some reason, I roughly held his chin to let him face me. His blood-shot eyes widened and I stared at him, trying to comprehend a reason why he wouldn't let me see his face.
"Were you smoking weed?" I asked curiously. "Is that why you were hiding from me?" I said shaking his face incredulously.
He gave me a fright for no reason. But his irresponsiveness caught my breath and scared me.
His eyes shut close, and his face screwed up. "Tell me," I demanded worriedly.
His breath tightened, as his lips quivered. He then opened his eyes and tears flowed down, shocking me.
I let go of his face. His hair that was illuminated by the reddish tint in the room stood everywhere as he looked away stubbornly, clenching his jaws.
"You were...crying?" I mouthed absentmindedly, shocked. He didn't glance at me as he breathed heavily. "Gustus?" I said gently, but he wouldn't look at me. "I thought- I thought you were over it."
I looked away sighing sadly as I stared at the crimson drapes covering the windows, which only allowed a little of sunlight to faintly illuminate the room with a reddish tint.
I looked back at Augustus and frowned.
"Okay, Augustus, if you came here, you must've had a reas-"
"I don't," he said sharply cutting me off and I raised my eyebrows.
"Okay," I said confused. "Do-uh-" I started, looked away, then looked back at Augustus, cringing at what I was about to say, "-uh-do you wanna -you know- talk?"
He glanced at me looking insane with his teary eyes and his hair that fell over his face randomly. He then looked away again, clenching his fists.
"I-I-uh- I don't know what I should do to -uh- comfort you," I said awkwardly. "I'm sorry."
I noticed him drag his index finger across his nose as he sniffed.
"Alright, Augustus, please don't make-"
"I AM ANGRY, JULIUS!" he suddenly burst and my heart got caught in my windpipe. He then got up and stood in front of me. "I AM ANGRY BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT WHEN I FELL NO ONE WAS THERE TO SUPPORT ME!"
His face was red and his neck strained as he continued shouting with tears falling. "I AM NOT SAD AT LOSING SAM!" he said his lips quivering. "Everyday people lose those closest to their hearts, no biggie here. I AM SAD- no- ANGRY, THAT NOTHING, NOTHING, COULD DISTRACT ME FROM THE PAIN!" he said livid, his blue eyes fireballs igniting endlessly. "Not my father," he gulped and grimaced. "Even though I know he loves me!
"And not even you, BROTHER. You're so caught up in your -oh I get it- so messed up life, you decided to ignore me! Ignore maybe, the only goodness in your miserable, little life. You find me worthless of your care! Like your care is supposed to be a blessing. Like something I will never deserve! And I'm so done with your pretending that you don't care, cause I DO!" I flinched slightly as his body shook with anger as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I have discovered, Julius Caesar," he said looking up and clenching his fists. "I've discovered that I have no back. I've discovered that I was lying to myself all that time. Lying that I knew people who actually cared. But I was wrong. Wanna know why I was crying?
"Wanna know why I didn't want you to know all the shit I said? I didn't want you to know, because I was thinking that maybe I could continue lying. And that's why I came here. I came here and thought that I might find the care Father couldn't give me no matter how hard he tried. Care to distract from all the shit I've been through. Care to make me forget, dammit! I came here, Julius, to continue lying to myself. And honestly, I'm sorry," he grimaced as he looked into my eyes. The eyes of a broken child. A boy.
He then walked out of the room and soon out of the suite, slamming the door after him. I was still sitting shocked, comprehending, understanding, processing what just happened. I sat staring at the chair laden with my dirty clothes as I heard his Mustang pull out and leave, driving away from this monstrous place.
This place that gave him this heartache. This place where he lost a lover. This place that had the person who he hoped he could hold on to. But as you know, this person disappointed him, like he disappointed everyone who loved him before. Because he knew he was so unworthy of their love. And he couldn't do shit about it, except for pulling up that damn barrier, thinking that it was protecting them.
Turned out he was only protecting himself.
I wanted to die.
***
A/N: *sighs* Now what to do with an emotionally unstable Gustus? :/
Anyway, hope you enjoyed :)
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
I couldn't sleep with my thoughts storming over Amanda and what the hell should I do. And when it was dawn, I gave up on trying to sleep, switched on my laptop and tried to search all the databases that I could get my hands on, on the real Amanda.
Questions filled my mind. If this wasn't the real Amanda, then who was? And where was she leaving Samantha when she needed her the most? Could that woman have gotten rid of her? Killed her maybe? Then who was the kid? What if Amanda was after something from Samantha? There was a big chance. Maybe she was waiting for Samantha to open up about something or show her something.
Also, maybe she was getting impatient with her and was planning to kill her.
Finding nothing useful, I got off the bed, opened the windows of my room and leaned outside as I smoked a cigarette. It was really cold and I was shirtless.
I squinted and watched a big, black bug skitter on the window's start. I extended my hand and let it run on my arm. I smirked at the sensation of the tiny feet scuttling on my skin. I then sighed and brought the cigarette back to my mouth.
Now I had to think of a bloody Amanda too. I grimaced at the disturbing thought and flicked the bug off my arm.
I didn't know what I should do, but I was angry about this whole situation. I would confront her about it of course. She didn't scare me. But confronting her was not the main problem. The main problem was when. When should I do it? Should it be now? Should it be tomorrow? How would Samantha respond?
What was more important was control. I had to know what that woman wanted first. I wanted to understand her. Know what were her motives. So I could identify her weak point. Only then the game could start. However, clearly, she wasn't looking to harm Samantha. Yet.
I banged my fist with the window's metal start in annoyance, then winced at the wound that I had from the knife, yesterday. No worries, it was superficial. It'd take just a few days to heal. I sighed irritated at my indecisiveness.
Excellent. All I needed was a bloody Amanda, along with my father to worry about.
I pushed myself off the start as soon as soon as the sun's bright rays started making a bloody appearance. I grunted and made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Seemed like I'd need the caffeine.
I glanced at my phone's screen as if expecting a call from Samantha at this hour. It was five thirty in the bloody morning.
She is a normal human being who'd definitely be sleeping at this hour, I reminded myself.
I chucked my phone on the living room's violet, velvet couch, sat on it and sipped on my coffee, hoping I'd be able to do something about my situation.
---
Alexander's POV.
"Aim," I ordered sharply as the wind ruffled through my hair and through the leaves of the trees standing above us.
Augustus pulled the trigger, but it missed the bloody can for the seventh time in a row. He huffed irritated, clenching his jaw.
"What happened to your aim, Augustus?! Focus!" I scolded, but he didn't look at me as he re-extended his right arm. He then supported it with his left hand, squinted and aimed at the soda can that was perched on a huge rock a few metres away from him in the woods, that we drove to this morning.
I knew Augusts enjoyed shooting because he said it made him feel in control, but I didn't know what was wrong him. I took him here in this nice, weirdly warm day to make up for what I'd done.
His feet shifted several times, causing the fallen leaves to crunch under his weight. I waited for him to shoot again, but he kept grunting and shifting positions. I watched him, surprised by his behaviour.
The weak sun rays infiltrated through the treetops and illuminated his almost white hair. I crossed my arms across my chest as I watched Augustus sweat in his black shirt as he swore profusely. I tapped my feet impatiently. I didn't like what he was becoming. Unfocused. Too emotional. Dangerous to himself.
I watched him lean and lower his head a bit as his triceps tensed. He huffed a bit more and shifted restlessly. My eyes widened and I was about to scold him to shoot already, when he suddenly straightened up, threw his gun with great force at the can, dropping it.
"I can't do it!" He said more to himself, shaking his head, his face screwed up in anger. He then kicked a tree's root and grunted. "I-CAN'T-FUCKING-DO-IT!" He shouted, pushing the tree and punching it with so much anger, that I recoiled. His face reddened and his hair was stuck to his head with sweat as his forehead's vessel bulged.
What was happening to him?
He threw his body at the tree, bringing a rain of dead leaves and debris down on us. He kept repeating this and I kept watching blankly before he finally spat at the ground and ran away through the trees. I was so shocked, too shocked to even move and follow him.
I shut my eyes for a few moments and sighed. I guessed he really loved that girl. I walked to the rock and bent down to pick up his gun that had his initials at the hilt. His most valuable possession.
I must admit, Augustus, startled me. Not only did he like shooting, but he was also brilliant at it. He could shoot from distances, I myself failed to shoot at. His perfect aim and focus was something to be envied. But today was against all my expectations. He had failed me.
I reached for my phone and tried calling him, but his phone was already off. I sighed and decided it was best to head back to my car with or without him.
When he vented his rage, he could always find me.
---
Julius's POV.
I jolted up at the sound of my phone ringing to find myself drenched in coffee. I looked at my hand where the mug of coffee was still there, angled towards my torso.
Great. I slept while drinking my cup of coffee. Looked like caffeine had the opposite effect on me. I groaned angrily and reached for my phone that wouldn't shut up!
Augustus. Perfect timing.
I ignored the call, got up and took off my pants and boxers that were drenched in coffee and headed to the washroom immediately for a quick shower.
After finishing, I came out and wrapped a towel around my waist as I felt a cold breeze blow across my chest.
Why the hell was the suite so cold?!
Oh, the windows.
I angrily rushed to my room to shut the windows as my phone continued ringing in the living room. I got to the living room and picked up the phone.
Augustus. 10 missed calls. Did he even know what it meant to give up?
I answered and snapped. "What?!"
I heard sniffing on the other side and relaxed as I looked at my coffee-drenched garments that littered the floor and the big stain on the couch.
"Can I come?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.
"No," I breathed. "Not now. Today is Tuesday. Father might come," I said picking up my garments and throwing them on a chair in my room, making a mental note that I'd need to take all the clothes on that chair for laundry. One day.
"I was with him. I don't think-"
"No, Augustus. Not today," I insisted, remembering all the thinking I had to do about the Amanda shit.
"Please-" he said sniffing more.
I hung up on him.
I opened my closet finding nothing, but a single navy blue sweatpants. No shirts.
Now I really must take my clothes for laundry- I thought.
I put them on and was not shocked to hear my doorbell ring. It was probably Father. I headed to the door and yanked it open.
Augustus stood in the doorway, clad in a black, creased shirt, topped with an army green jacket and black pants. He wore sunglasses and my jade green scarf that covered his chin. His hands were curled in fists and I didn't fail to notice his bruised knuckles.
I sighed and moved out of the way, letting him in. He immediately headed to my room where he sat on my bed.
"I literally just hung up on you," I said irritably.
"Yeah, by that time I was already in front of the door," he said sniffing.
I sighed and sat next to him. He still wore his sunglasses which I found weird.
"What's up with the sunglass-" I said reaching for them, but he moved away.
"Nothing," he said and I raised my eyebrows chuckling.
"There's literally no sun in here. I live like a bloody vampire and you just amble in with the sunglasses. Ironic," I said and his pink lips curved into a sly, lopsided smile. "Alright. Take them off." I then added seriously.
"I won't."
"You will."
"Please-"
"What are you hiding?!" I said lunging on him and snatching away the glasses. He looked away. "Augustus, what the hell?" I said urgently. "Look at me."
He wouldn't even glance in my direction.
Feeling fear and dread grip my heart for some reason, I roughly held his chin to let him face me. His blood-shot eyes widened and I stared at him, trying to comprehend a reason why he wouldn't let me see his face.
"Were you smoking weed?" I asked curiously. "Is that why you were hiding from me?" I said shaking his face incredulously.
He gave me a fright for no reason. But his irresponsiveness caught my breath and scared me.
His eyes shut close, and his face screwed up. "Tell me," I demanded worriedly.
His breath tightened, as his lips quivered. He then opened his eyes and tears flowed down, shocking me.
I let go of his face. His hair that was illuminated by the reddish tint in the room stood everywhere as he looked away stubbornly, clenching his jaws.
"You were...crying?" I mouthed absentmindedly, shocked. He didn't glance at me as he breathed heavily. "Gustus?" I said gently, but he wouldn't look at me. "I thought- I thought you were over it."
I looked away sighing sadly as I stared at the crimson drapes covering the windows, which only allowed a little of sunlight to faintly illuminate the room with a reddish tint.
I looked back at Augustus and frowned.
"Okay, Augustus, if you came here, you must've had a reas-"
"I don't," he said sharply cutting me off and I raised my eyebrows.
"Okay," I said confused. "Do-uh-" I started, looked away, then looked back at Augustus, cringing at what I was about to say, "-uh-do you wanna -you know- talk?"
He glanced at me looking insane with his teary eyes and his hair that fell over his face randomly. He then looked away again, clenching his fists.
"I-I-uh- I don't know what I should do to -uh- comfort you," I said awkwardly. "I'm sorry."
I noticed him drag his index finger across his nose as he sniffed.
"Alright, Augustus, please don't make-"
"I AM ANGRY, JULIUS!" he suddenly burst and my heart got caught in my windpipe. He then got up and stood in front of me. "I AM ANGRY BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT WHEN I FELL NO ONE WAS THERE TO SUPPORT ME!"
His face was red and his neck strained as he continued shouting with tears falling. "I AM NOT SAD AT LOSING SAM!" he said his lips quivering. "Everyday people lose those closest to their hearts, no biggie here. I AM SAD- no- ANGRY, THAT NOTHING, NOTHING, COULD DISTRACT ME FROM THE PAIN!" he said livid, his blue eyes fireballs igniting endlessly. "Not my father," he gulped and grimaced. "Even though I know he loves me!
"And not even you, BROTHER. You're so caught up in your -oh I get it- so messed up life, you decided to ignore me! Ignore maybe, the only goodness in your miserable, little life. You find me worthless of your care! Like your care is supposed to be a blessing. Like something I will never deserve! And I'm so done with your pretending that you don't care, cause I DO!" I flinched slightly as his body shook with anger as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I have discovered, Julius Caesar," he said looking up and clenching his fists. "I've discovered that I have no back. I've discovered that I was lying to myself all that time. Lying that I knew people who actually cared. But I was wrong. Wanna know why I was crying?
"Wanna know why I didn't want you to know all the shit I said? I didn't want you to know, because I was thinking that maybe I could continue lying. And that's why I came here. I came here and thought that I might find the care Father couldn't give me no matter how hard he tried. Care to distract from all the shit I've been through. Care to make me forget, dammit! I came here, Julius, to continue lying to myself. And honestly, I'm sorry," he grimaced as he looked into my eyes. The eyes of a broken child. A boy.
He then walked out of the room and soon out of the suite, slamming the door after him. I was still sitting shocked, comprehending, understanding, processing what just happened. I sat staring at the chair laden with my dirty clothes as I heard his Mustang pull out and leave, driving away from this monstrous place.
This place that gave him this heartache. This place where he lost a lover. This place that had the person who he hoped he could hold on to. But as you know, this person disappointed him, like he disappointed everyone who loved him before. Because he knew he was so unworthy of their love. And he couldn't do shit about it, except for pulling up that damn barrier, thinking that it was protecting them.
Turned out he was only protecting himself.
I wanted to die.
***
A/N: *sighs* Now what to do with an emotionally unstable Gustus? :/
Anyway, hope you enjoyed :)
I couldn't sleep with my thoughts storming over Amanda and what the hell should I do. And when it was dawn, I gave up on trying to sleep, switched on my laptop and tried to search all the databases that I could get my hands on, on the real Amanda. Questions filled my mind. If this wasn't the real Amanda, then who was? And where was she leaving Samantha when she needed her the most? Could that woman have gotten rid of her? Killed her maybe? Then who was the kid? What if Amanda was after something from Samantha? There was a big chance. Maybe she was waiting for Samantha to open up about something or show her something. Also, maybe she was getting impatient with her and was planning to kill her. Finding nothing useful, I got off the bed, opened the windows of my room and leaned outside as I smoked a cigarette. It was really cold and I was shirtless. I squinted and watched a big, black bug skitter on the window's start. I extended my hand and let it run on my arm. I smirked at the sensation of the tiny feet scuttling on my skin. I then sighed and brought the cigarette back to my mouth. Now I had to think of a bloody Amanda too. I grimaced at the disturbing thought and flicked the bug off my arm. I didn't know what I should do, but I was angry about this whole situation. I would confront her about it of course. She didn't scare me. But confronting her was not the main problem. The main problem was when. When should I do it? Should it be now? Should it be tomorrow? How would Samantha respond? What was more important was control. I had to know what that woman wanted first. I wanted to understand her. Know what were her motives. So I could identify her weak point. Only then the game could start. However, clearly, she wasn't looking to harm Samantha. Yet. I banged my fist with the window's metal start in annoyance, then winced at the wound that I had from the knife, yesterday. No worries, it was superficial. It'd take just a few days to heal. I sighed irritated at my indecisiveness. Excellent. All I needed was a bloody Amanda, along with my father to worry about. I pushed myself off the start as soon as soon as the sun's bright rays started making a bloody appearance. I grunted and made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Seemed like I'd need the caffeine. I glanced at my phone's screen as if expecting a call from Samantha at this hour. It was five thirty in the bloody morning. She is a normal human being who'd definitely be sleeping at this hour, I reminded myself. I chucked my phone on the living room's violet, velvet couch, sat on it and sipped on my coffee, hoping I'd be able to do something about my situation. --- Alexander's POV. "Aim," I ordered sharply as the wind ruffled through my hair and through the leaves of the trees standing above us. Augustus pulled the trigger, but it missed the bloody can for the seventh time in a row. He huffed irritated, clenching his jaw. "What happened to your aim, Augustus?! Focus!" I scolded, but he didn't look at me as he re-extended his right arm. He then supported it with his left hand, squinted and aimed at the soda can that was perched on a huge rock a few metres away from him in the woods, that we drove to this morning. I knew Augusts enjoyed shooting because he said it made him feel in control, but I didn't know what was wrong him. I took him here in this nice, weirdly warm day to make up for what I'd done. His feet shifted several times, causing the fallen leaves to crunch under his weight. I waited for him to shoot again, but he kept grunting and shifting positions. I watched him, surprised by his behaviour. The weak sun rays infiltrated through the treetops and illuminated his almost white hair. I crossed my arms across my chest as I watched Augustus sweat in his black shirt as he swore profusely. I tapped my feet impatiently. I didn't like what he was becoming. Unfocused. Too emotional. Dangerous to himself. I watched him lean and lower his head a bit as his triceps tensed. He huffed a bit more and shifted restlessly. My eyes widened and I was about to scold him to shoot already, when he suddenly straightened up, threw his gun with great force at the can, dropping it. "I can't do it!" He said more to himself, shaking his head, his face screwed up in anger. He then kicked a tree's root and grunted. "I-CAN'T-FUCKING-DO-IT!" He shouted, pushing the tree and punching it with so much anger, that I recoiled. His face reddened and his hair was stuck to his head with sweat as his forehead's vessel bulged. What was happening to him? He threw his body at the tree, bringing a rain of dead leaves and debris down on us. He kept repeating this and I kept watching blankly before he finally spat at the ground and ran away through the trees. I was so shocked, too shocked to even move and follow him. I shut my eyes for a few moments and sighed. I guessed he really loved that girl. I walked to the rock and bent down to pick up his gun that had his initials at the hilt. His most valuable possession. I must admit, Augustus, startled me. Not only did he like shooting, but he was also brilliant at it. He could shoot from distances, I myself failed to shoot at. His perfect aim and focus was something to be envied. But today was against all my expectations. He had failed me. I reached for my phone and tried calling him, but his phone was already off. I sighed and decided it was best to head back to my car with or without him. When he vented his rage, he could always find me. --- Julius's POV. I jolted up at the sound of my phone ringing to find myself drenched in coffee. I looked at my hand where the mug of coffee was still there, angled towards my torso. Great. I slept while drinking my cup of coffee. Looked like caffeine had the opposite effect on me. I groaned angrily and reached for my phone that wouldn't shut up! Augustus. Perfect timing. I ignored the call, got up and took off my pants and boxers that were drenched in coffee and headed to the washroom immediately for a quick shower. After finishing, I came out and wrapped a towel around my waist as I felt a cold breeze blow across my chest. Why the hell was the suite so cold?! Oh, the windows. I angrily rushed to my room to shut the windows as my phone continued ringing in the living room. I got to the living room and picked up the phone. Augustus. 10 missed calls. Did he even know what it meant to give up? I answered and snapped. "What?!" I heard sniffing on the other side and relaxed as I looked at my coffee-drenched garments that littered the floor and the big stain on the couch. "Can I come?" he asked and I rolled my eyes. "No," I breathed. "Not now. Today is Tuesday. Father might come," I said picking up my garments and throwing them on a chair in my room, making a mental note that I'd need to take all the clothes on that chair for laundry. One day. "I was with him. I don't think-" "No, Augustus. Not today," I insisted, remembering all the thinking I had to do about the Amanda shit. "Please-" he said sniffing more. I hung up on him. I opened my closet finding nothing, but a single navy blue sweatpants. No shirts. Now I really must take my clothes for laundry- I thought. I put them on and was not shocked to hear my doorbell ring. It was probably Father. I headed to the door and yanked it open. Augustus stood in the doorway, clad in a black, creased shirt, topped with an army green jacket and black pants. He wore sunglasses and my jade green scarf that covered his chin. His hands were curled in fists and I didn't fail to notice his bruised knuckles. I sighed and moved out of the way, letting him in. He immediately headed to my room where he sat on my bed. "I literally just hung up on you," I said irritably. "Yeah, by that time I was already in front of the door," he said sniffing. I sighed and sat next to him. He still wore his sunglasses which I found weird. "What's up with the sunglass-" I said reaching for them, but he moved away. "Nothing," he said and I raised my eyebrows chuckling. "There's literally no sun in here. I live like a bloody vampire and you just amble in with the sunglasses. Ironic," I said and his pink lips curved into a sly, lopsided smile. "Alright. Take them off." I then added seriously. "I won't." "You will." "Please-" "What are you hiding?!" I said lunging on him and snatching away the glasses. He looked away. "Augustus, what the hell?" I said urgently. "Look at me." He wouldn't even glance in my direction. Feeling fear and dread grip my heart for some reason, I roughly held his chin to let him face me. His blood-shot eyes widened and I stared at him, trying to comprehend a reason why he wouldn't let me see his face. "Were you smoking weed?" I asked curiously. "Is that why you were hiding from me?" I said shaking his face incredulously. He gave me a fright for no reason. But his irresponsiveness caught my breath and scared me. His eyes shut close, and his face screwed up. "Tell me," I demanded worriedly. His breath tightened, as his lips quivered. He then opened his eyes and tears flowed down, shocking me. I let go of his face. His hair that was illuminated by the reddish tint in the room stood everywhere as he looked away stubbornly, clenching his jaws. "You were...crying?" I mouthed absentmindedly, shocked. He didn't glance at me as he breathed heavily. "Gustus?" I said gently, but he wouldn't look at me. "I thought- I thought you were over it." I looked away sighing sadly as I stared at the crimson drapes covering the windows, which only allowed a little of sunlight to faintly illuminate the room with a reddish tint. I looked back at Augustus and frowned. "Okay, Augustus, if you came here, you must've had a reas-" "I don't," he said sharply cutting me off and I raised my eyebrows. "Okay," I said confused. "Do-uh-" I started, looked away, then looked back at Augustus, cringing at what I was about to say, "-uh-do you wanna -you know- talk?" He glanced at me looking insane with his teary eyes and his hair that fell over his face randomly. He then looked away again, clenching his fists. "I-I-uh- I don't know what I should do to -uh- comfort you," I said awkwardly. "I'm sorry." I noticed him drag his index finger across his nose as he sniffed. "Alright, Augustus, please don't make-" "I AM ANGRY, JULIUS!" he suddenly burst and my heart got caught in my windpipe. He then got up and stood in front of me. "I AM ANGRY BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT WHEN I FELL NO ONE WAS THERE TO SUPPORT ME!" His face was red and his neck strained as he continued shouting with tears falling. "I AM NOT SAD AT LOSING SAM!" he said his lips quivering. "Everyday people lose those closest to their hearts, no biggie here. I AM SAD- no- ANGRY, THAT NOTHING, NOTHING, COULD DISTRACT ME FROM THE PAIN!" he said livid, his blue eyes fireballs igniting endlessly. "Not my father," he gulped and grimaced. "Even though I know he loves me! "And not even you, BROTHER. You're so caught up in your -oh I get it- so messed up life, you decided to ignore me! Ignore maybe, the only goodness in your miserable, little life. You find me worthless of your care! Like your care is supposed to be a blessing. Like something I will never deserve! And I'm so done with your pretending that you don't care, cause I DO!" I flinched slightly as his body shook with anger as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I have discovered, Julius Caesar," he said looking up and clenching his fists. "I've discovered that I have no back. I've discovered that I was lying to myself all that time. Lying that I knew people who actually cared. But I was wrong. Wanna know why I was crying? "Wanna know why I didn't want you to know all the shit I said? I didn't want you to know, because I was thinking that maybe I could continue lying. And that's why I came here. I came here and thought that I might find the care Father couldn't give me no matter how hard he tried. Care to distract from all the shit I've been through. Care to make me forget, dammit! I came here, Julius, to continue lying to myself. And honestly, I'm sorry," he grimaced as he looked into my eyes. The eyes of a broken child. A boy. He then walked out of the room and soon out of the suite, slamming the door after him. I was still sitting shocked, comprehending, understanding, processing what just happened. I sat staring at the chair laden with my dirty clothes as I heard his Mustang pull out and leave, driving away from this monstrous place. This place that gave him this heartache. This place where he lost a lover. This place that had the person who he hoped he could hold on to. But as you know, this person disappointed him, like he disappointed everyone who loved him before. Because he knew he was so unworthy of their love. And he couldn't do shit about it, except for pulling up that damn barrier, thinking that it was protecting them. Turned out he was only protecting himself. I wanted to die. *** A/N: *sighs* Now what to do with an emotionally unstable Gustus? :/ Anyway, hope you enjoyed :
