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Julius Caesar - Chapter 42

Published at 14th of January 2019 06:50:11 PM


Chapter 42

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"You are so fucked," was the first thing he uttered after a long period of silence. In response, I limply raised my hands out of the water, then dropped them again with two 'plops'.

"How the hell did she know?! Whom the fuck told her?" He said suddenly angry.

"She had to know," I said faintly. "I couldn't possibly hide behind that fake, caring person for any longer."

"You are caring-" Augustus started and I snorted.

"Wrong." I blurted. "I don't actually care about anyone except for whom I'm possessive about." I tilted my head to glance at him. His eyebrows were raised. He was painfully serious.

"Possessive?" He said as if the word was foreign to him.

"Unfortunately," I added with a sigh. It was all just so dramatic. "I can't imagine losing them for anything. Because they're mine. And I'd die for them."

"So that's why Samantha's rejection messed you up." He said with a tone of understanding. "Because when you own something, you never imagine losing it forever. And you lost her for your past."

"I lost her for who I am," I said as matter-of-factly. "But this was different. I for once imagined it- I imagined losing her. And seeing it happen was a whole other level of disaster. You want to know why?" I almost whispered the last part, as I let my right index finger randomly graze the surface of the water. I took his silence as an acceptance to carry on.

"Because even when I imagined it," I said with a sad sigh. "I imagined that she'd have hope in me. I imagined that she'd forgive me. That she'd tell me the past is in the past. But-" I pointed out. "-hatred and fear were all that was evident in her eyes."

I glanced at Augustus again who had his lips pursed into a thin line. "You'll get over her, right?" was what he asked cautiously.

"I will, of course," I said simply with a smile. "I can get over anyone," I added bitterly. "I've already accepted my fate. I actually just did," I chuckled lightly. "I was meant to spend the next years of my life in solitude. And it isn't really as bad as it sounds."

"I'll be around," Augustus added with a weak smile.

"No. You won't, actually." I said shifting heavily in the tub and craning my neck to look at his pale countenance. "I will disappear from your life just like I appeared."

He shook his head and my smile widened.

"But that isn't possessive shit." He said, frowning and my smile faltered a bit.

"It is," I said. "I mean, you saw what happened to everyone I cared about. My 'possessiveness' was poisonous to them. So out of my love and possessiveness, Gustus, I let them go. That's the right thing to do."

"You're just being dramatic right now. You don't know what you're saying." Augustus said with a shrug and a hesitant, lopsided smile.

"You know that I'm not being dramatic. You know that what I'm saying is the truth. Augustus." I said catching his eyes. He looked away. "I was the reason behind Audrey's death. And Samantha's heartbreak. And your heart bre-" I said referring to Sam.

"I still don't care about you less," Augustus said his eyes dancing around the place. "Samantha leaving you doesn't make you bad. It just means that she isn't the right one t-"

At that, I actually chuckled. "I'm a murderer, Gustus. There isn't a 'right' one for me. I killed. Lusted after blood. I was so very cruel. Ask your father about me."

"Bullshit, Julius." He said shaking his head. "You're pure from the inside."

I frowned and then laughed. "That's not possible. Think about it, Augustus. Like think about it. I am dark, brother. I did the worst possible crime. I don't know purity. I am not like those guys in the books who find the love of their life and suddenly believe in hope and change.

"I can't lie though. I tried imitating them at times. I tried believing that I could actually be a better person. That Audrey's cruel death flipped some magical switch in me. I didn't know-" I smirked. "I didn't know that this switch was stuck. That it can only be on. You know? I-" I chuckled darkly. "-felt angry when Father was telling me the truth about myself. I actually felt angry." I laughed hopelessly and shook my head. "He was right. I was being a pathetic hypocrite."

"Don't say that, mate." Augustus tried and I smirked. "Your care was real. Your emoti-"

"Emotions," I said screwing my face irritably. "Bloody nuisance."

"Well, at least you got them." He pointed out. "That doesn't deem you as a hopeless case, brother."

"Oh, I'll get rid of them soon enough. I'll return to what I was before I knew Audrey and witnessed her death." I said with a dismissive hand wave.

"So what?" Augustus then started, his voice suddenly angry. "You'll stop being human and be happy about it? You'll leave the girl who loves-"

"Loved." I corrected with an easy smile.

"The girl who loves you," Augustus repeated persistently. "You'll leave her after killing her father, stealing her heart and freeing your life? I'd be bloody pissed."

I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. "So what do you reckon?" I said with a scowl. "Should I go beg for her forgiveness? Beg her to forgive who I am? Beg her to love me?" I clenched my jaws. "Never."

"You're being a pig about this whole shit." He said, frowning. I ignored him. "She should've killed you. If I were her, I'd do it."

"She actually tried to kill me," I said, grinning.

"I do not blame her." Augustus snapped.

"You don't blame her?" I looked at him incredulously.

"I don't!" he said exasperatedly. "She doesn't even know you! She doesn't know the real Julius Caesar. She only knows that good guy who -bless him- held her hands when she was blind and introduced his brother. She knows that guy. She doesn't know your real story, dammit. She doesn't know why you're like this. She doesn't know about Dad. She doesn't know that that's how your childhood was spent." He leaned toward me and frowned. "She doesn't know shit about you."

"I'm not going to force myself on anyone. I do not need it." I said solidly.

"So instead of looking for whoever the hell ruined you, you'll sit here, sulk in a bloody tub with an empty bottle of Scotch, and be so bloody useless?" He grimaced.

"Wow," I whispered loudly. "How did you know that?" I added with a lazy smile.

"Can't believe I'm saying this- but you're being so ludicrously ridiculous!" He said and I chuckled bemusedly. I then stopped, looked at him and clenched my jaws.

"Forget it." I snapped sharply.

"If you're going to wait here and expect her to return then you're so wrong." He said with disgust. "You'll be disappointed and I swear to you that you'll regret it."

"I don't expect her," I said gently. "I do not expect her to return. And if she did-" I said remembering her. Her slender fingers, dark soft hair, soft pink lips and deep blue eyes. I felt my heart beat fasten. I closed my eyes. "If she ever returns, I shall make sure to turn her away y-"

Augustus' lips twitched in annoyance. "She'll never return."

"True," I said with a faint smile. I remembered her smile and remembered her nose crinkling when she laughed. "Because if she expects that good guy, she better not return."

"That good guy who's basically you, but not you," Augustus said rolling his eyes. "Some concept you have."

"You really don't see it, do you?" I said shaking my head. "I'm a murderer. A murderer, Gustus. That's a bad thing if you didn't know."

"You were forced to-"

"See? That's where you go wrong again." I said with a smirk. "I chose to do thi-"

"To please your father!" He said angrily and I shook my head, saying nothing. "Did you forget what you told me? Did you forget Audrey? You've had your punishment."

"I don't think so. Not yet." I said, my throat sore. "But you know what I think? I think I'm starting to get bad again."

"You don't actually believe that you are who you were," Augustus said, shaking his head. "You can't actually think that you're capable of killing again. Of doing what you used to do."

I looked at him as a dark smile slowly crept on my face. "Watch me."

Augustus frowned. "Fuck you, Julius. If you really think that you're a bloody murderer, get the hell out of the water and go kiss Dad's ass! Get the fuck out, grab a bloody knife and drive it in a beating heart! But you're too bloody weak for this. You act," he paused to take a breath. "You act like you're so -oh- untouchable, so heartless, but it's a big lie you weaved yourself in."

I smirked and stared ahead of me, ignoring him.

"And it's th-this lie, this lie that gave you the permission to kill. To try killing yourself. To leave Samantha. To ignore me. It's this lie that you were too stupid to believe. You believed that you are a heartless monster." He said breathlessly as my face screwed in anger.

"Shut up." I drawled, rolling my eyes.

"Bloody coward," was his response. "Look me in the eyes and say it again."

I turned to him with a mocking scowl. "Shut the fu-" but I was cut by having my head pushed under the water.

My heart beat fast in shock as I shook my head. My hair obscured my vision, but I felt Augustus's hands on my shoulders. I held his wrists and squeezed hard, but I was too weak from the hangover. Bubbles rose from my mouth as I tried shifting my whole weight. I was losing my oxygen quickly and used my hands to clutch my throat instead as I tilted back my head breathlessly. And that was when I started swallowing so much water.

I was feeling like dying when the pressure on my shoulders was removed. I immediately broke the surface of the water and inhaled as I coughed out some water.

I angrily pushed my hair away from my eyes then glared at Augustus who was slightly wet. He was on his knees with his nose flared and hands clenched to fists. I bared my teeth and leapt at him, getting out of the water.

He was taken aback by the attack and fell on his back on the bathroom's wet floor. His head hit the tiles with a satisfying 'thump' as his slightly wet hair spread on the tiles surrounding him.

I straddled him, pinned down his hands. Only then did I notice that he wasn't fighting back. I glared at him.

"What the hell?!" I yelled and he smiled foolishly.

"How did it feel to actually drown?" He licked his lips and looked hard at me. "If you have the guts, punch me." He said as his eyes fluttered at the water dripping from my hair on his face.

I screwed my face and raised my fist. I looked one last time at his smooth, unmarked, innocent face and then looked in his eyes. His eyes were sparkling under the bathroom's lights. They were sparkling with so much emotion.

"Do it!" He said angrily and I scowled as I raised my fist higher. "Don't be a bloody coward! Punch me! I almost drowned you," he teased, his eyes narrowing at me. "I fucking dare you."

I looked at his face as my nose flared. "Wish granted." My fist crashed in his face. He growled in pain, but I was surprised when he retaliated the punch. I held my jaw in rage.

I clutched his shirt's collar and raised him so that his now bruised face was closer to mine. "You can't possibly think you can change me, can you?" I hissed at him as he licked his lower lip in anger before he pushed me with so much force that I ended sprawled on the floor and him on top of me.

"Fuck you, Julius." He said, his voice strangled, before crashing another fist in my face. The pain of his punch was numbed by the anger that set fire to my blood. "Fuck you for hurting all of us and then running away from the damage! Fuck you!" He shouted as I clenched my jaws. His neck was red and taut and his eyes wide and accusing.

I groaned angrily and pushed him off me. I immediately got up and clutched his hair in my hand. I heard him wince.

"Let go! What the hell?!" Augustus was punching my legs as my lips twitched, suppressing a groan. He then gave up and tried to pull back his hair.

I pulled back his head and almost banged it with the sink when the thought of killing him bubbled in my anger's chaos.

If I hit his head. He dies. His death was just a 'bang' away.

I looked down at him. He had tears tumbling down his cheeks.

"AM I SCARING YOU ENOUGH LIKE I DID TO SAMANTHA?!" I yelled.

He looked up at me as a smile flickered across his features.

"THAT'S WHO I AM!" I thundered with madness pumping in my veins instead of blood. "I'll kill you, not thinking twice. Can't you see it?!"

"THEN DO IT!" He shouted. "Fucking kill me!"

I took in a deep breath. "I WILL!"

"DO IT!" He sniffed, his face red and his eyes the purest shade of cobalt. "YOU DON'T SCARE ME!"

"I don-don't scare you?" I asked surprisedly.

"Not a bit," he said, frowning deeply. I looked down at him and narrowed my eyes. I pulled back his head as he squeezed shut his eyes causing more tears to come down.

But I groaned and let go of him. I then backed away, breathing heavily as the adrenaline went to waste. I felt numb and scared. Was I really about to kill my own brother? I shook my head and stared at his panting figure. He was looking at the floor, his clothes now completely wet.

"That's what I thought." He panted out before slowly raising his face to stare at me. "You can't. You changed."

My eyes widened as my eyes teared up. "I almost killed you. I'm a murderer." I said sadly. "That can't change, brother."

He stumbled back up on his feet. Swayed a bit before holding onto the sink for support. "But you didn't." He said wiping his nose with his shirt. "You didn't kill me." He sounded too happy about this.

I exhaled loudly and rubbed my temples. "I almost did!" I yelled back at him and he flinched.

"That's not important," he said approaching me. "We all get tempted by different things. We all do! All that matters at the end is whether or not we let it control us! You fought it!"

I looked at him incredulously. "This is -no- just- I can't."

"Can't what?" he said looking so hopeful.

"I can't control it," I said, looking helplessly at him.

"No," he said smiling despite his split lips. "You're just scared that you won't be able to control it. There's a big difference."

I looked at him, smirked, shook my head sadly and headed to the tub. I got in despite the freezing water and held the empty bottle of Scotch.

"You know what?" I heard Augustus say from the doorway. "You need a distraction."

I glanced at him. His hair was a wet mess with a bit of blood staining its ends. His eyes were bright, nose red, jaw a bit swollen and lips split.

I looked back in front of me. "I'm fine."

I then heard him shuffle until he was right next to me on the floor. "Yeah, yeah. We're all fine. But you'd probably wanna hear this."

I almost rolled my eyes but decided to give him a shot. I turned to him with a slight, sarcastic smile. He had a playful smile on.

"I might know who told Samantha about you killing her father." At that my smile faltered and my heart sank.

***

A/N: Theories anyone? :))))))

Love you all ☆☆




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