Chapter 49
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Alexander's POV.
Augustus shifted under my scrutinizing gaze as I awaited an answer. "Yes," he whispered. "Julius."
Why had he come to his mind and why had it affected him so much was beyond my comprehension. So I naturally inquired. "Why? I'm...confused."
"Why?" He studied me in disbelief. He then straightened his back, cleared his throat and pursed his lips. "I want to -uh- know-" He looked down, shrugged a shoulder and lifted his eyebrows. "Hell, I need to know." He then lifted his head and quickly licked his lower lip as his eyes surveyed the whole room before landing back on me.
Anyone could see right through his act of nonchalance. He was unnerved, jumpy and sleep-deprived. He sucked at acting. "I'm still thoroughly confused."
Augustus exhaled loudly in response and ran both his hands in his hair, grabbing a bunch in each hand, before dropping his arms by his sides and shutting his eyes. "Why is everything so difficult with you?" His voice was strangled yet sharp and I couldn't help but frown at the anger that impregnated it. And I thought that perhaps all that anger was harboured within him for too long. And that now was the time it made an appearance.
"Augus-"
"Goddammit!" He yelled completely losing his composure. "Goddammit! Is this even normal?!" He bellowed, waving his arms toward me haphazardly. "Is it normal to ask you if you have killed every damn person I care about?!" was what he screamed in my face. "Is it normal to experience heart bloody fractures from your own father?! The person you thought cared about you the most?"
And I thought that God, yes, this was it. Another heart attack. Another one ripping and tearing my heart into snippets. Here was it in a form called Augustus.
"Son, no, list-" I started weakly, my heart thrumming dangerously in my chest. And I thought that, yes, I needed Colin (my nurse) now. Right now. I needed him because I really thought this would end me.
"I -no-" He shook his head and grimaced. "No, Dad, I don't want to 'listen'," he told me vehemently, his voice taut. "I want to know. Okay? I want to know where's Julius. I want to see him. Okay? I need to see him, Dad. And I want to know if you killed him-" he vomited out the words. "Because if so, please do me a favour, and kill me too. Because I'm done, Dad. I'm so done."
I was floored to speechlessness as I stared at him with ashes for a heart. Flames. His words. His were flames that devoured my heart. "Augustus, please, boy, s-"
"Can't you see?!" His face reddened and contorted as his eyes welled up with tears. "Can't you see that I'm done with your performances? Why can't you relieve me, Dad? Why?"
"Son, please," I placed a hand on my chest. "Sit down next to me. Let us talk." I was finding it hard to utter these words, to look into his accusing eyes, to breathe normally as he balled his hands into fists by his sides.
He then shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "Sit down?" He drew his eyebrows together and stared at me. "Sit down and watch you kill everyone I love? Are you-" He stopped to catch his breath. "Are you not aware of the atrocity of wha-"
"Augustus!" I then bellowed firmly, helplessly, shutting him up as his blue irises swam in their ocean of tears.
"You killed him, didn't you?" He sniffled as his face reddened with immense grief. I don't think I've ever seen him that sad. "You killed Julius, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about, son? Why are you saying this?" I was blabbering anything irrelevant on my mind to distract me from the actual truth. The truth. The connection. My son's love to something I yanked emotion out of. My son was wasting his love on a lost cause of a 'brother'.
And then something clicked in me.
"You hate him!" He continued yelling. "So you killed him." He then muttered softly, his tears rolling down his cheeks now.
"Why does it matter to you?" I clenched my jaws and decided that I couldn't watch my son fall into this. I wouldn't allow him to care for an apathetic creature I brought up.
He looked taken aback by my words. "I thought you'd already figured it out. Or need I state what must've been obvious?" He paused to watch my expressionless face. "I care about him, okay? I love him, Dad. And we are not enemies. Okay? And we shall never be as long as this Earth would bear my beating heart."
"I thought," I was breathing hard now. "I thought I made it clear that he shouldn't be dealt with. That you should have nothing to do with him." I was more angry than sad. In fact, I was disgusted by Augustus's unwise decisions always influenced by his damn heart. So I was glaring at him. I was glaring at him, waiting for a 'viable' explanation.
Because even when Simon would report seeing Augustus with Julius, I'd ignore. I had faith in Augustus. I believed his loyalty lied with me. That he'd always listen to me. That he would be there, with him, to perhaps check if everything matched my preferences.
I hadn't thought they were bonding together. This mere thought brought a grimace over my lips.
"I do not need your permission on my actions!" He lashed out. "And I am not here to listen to your opinions about them either! I just want to know if you killed him, dammit!" He then stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
Probably not to disturb the house staff.
"You are an amateur! Of course, you need my permission." I pressed, getting to my feet and facing him, with still a fair distance between us though.
He puffed out a breath and brought a fist to his mouth. "Dad-" he swallowed hard. "I haven't been sleeping because of the nightmares I have in which you point a gun to his head. I haven't been living because all I do now is look for him-" His voice was shaky and I had to stop myself from throwing up from the mixture of emotions I felt.
Besides my disappointment at his utter recklessness, there was this unsettling feeling lurking around in the shadows of my heart. Because it hit me that he was defying me and raising his voice to defend his 'brother'. Which only translated to him loving his brother so much more than I could've ever imagined. So much more than his love for me.
So another thing clicked in me.
"He has been missing for three days!" He almost pulled his hair out, talking through his teeth. "And I am scared-" he almost whimpered. "-because I can't help him. I can't call the damned cops because it then hit me-" He sucked in his lower lip and frowned deeply. "It hit me that you could be the one behind this. And I wouldn't want to lose you-" Tears were staining his shirt now. "But it would get very tempting. And so here I am-" he paused to sniff loudly. "Here I am, asking you if it were you. Because I'll be calling the police. Because I'd rather not be the one to find his rotting corpse when I'm looking for him. I'd. Rather. Not even imagine-" He raised his eyebrows as if imagining the horror of such an occurrence and I immediately knew that I couldn't talk him out of this no matter what. The depth and immensity of his care were out of my league this time.
So I shut my eyes wearily and nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "I have a condition."
Augustus's pulsing blues widened at my response as he stopped sniffling to actually study me. After a few beats of silence, he spoke. "A condition? For what?"
"For telling you about what happened to him." I deliberately gave him a vague answer to drag him relentlessly into my plan B.
He remained quiet for five heartbeats, unblinking as he thought it through. "Right. Of course," he then managed to breathe out with a distant look in his eyes.
I looked down and smirked knowingly. "If he's dead, you shall not know anything about how or where or any of those details. You will not even-" I stopped to glance at his anticipating face. "You will not even be informed about his funeral, burial, etc. After all, he was meant to be a stranger to you."
I then averted my gaze up to him to see him gulp as a lone tear tumbled down his fluttering eyes. "Okay," was his broken response.
I continued, looking back down. "If he is alive, you will not attempt to find him, contact or ever talk to him again for all that matters. Because if that happens, I assure you he will die-" I looked up to him again to stare at his surprisingly vacant facial expression. "So?" I tilted my head and lifted a brow. "Do you want me to 'relieve' you?"
I thought it was a fairly good bargain. I even thought about lying to him and telling him that Julius died, but there was a chance that they might come intact in the future. And then I'd totally lose my son's trust. So making him choose was a wiser option.
His left eye twitched as his face paled. "Okay."
I pressed a tight, unpleasant smile. "Are you sure? I am a man of my word."
"I am a man of my word too," came his offhand response.
"Of course you are," I said. "You are my son."
"Sure," he said emotionlessly. "Tell me now."
I studied him more with narrowed eyes before sighing loudly. "He's alive."
Augustus's eyes widened and his lips parted. He then blinked twice before releasing the tension from his shoulders and exhaling loudly, shutting his eyes. And just like that, a smile lit up his face. "He's alive. I knew it!" He seemed to whisper that to himself reassuringly before snapping open his eyes.
I tried not to roll my eyes.
"I will kill him-" I started, drawing Augustus's attention back to me. "I will kill him if you ever try looking for him, Augustus. I swear on your mother's soul." I made should I sounded dead serious as I watched his smile falter a bit. I even brought his mother in this to make it sound like a more authentic threat. "From now on, you know no Julius."
He stared at me unblinking as I tried to understand the way he looked at me. I wanted to jump right in his thoughts and memories and handpick those that should stay and those that should go away. I wanted to protect him from them.
"That's not fair-" he then blurted out and I raised my eyebrows warningly. "He could be alive and on the verge of death. He might be getting tortured as we talk. I need more confirmation. I need to know if he's actually fine. Because I know he wouldn't just turn his back on me like this-" He was frowning now and subtly shaking his head. "There must be a genuine reason. A genuine bad reason."
"What makes you think it's bad?"
"Because it's associated with yo-" He blurted, but decided to stop a bit too late. He then cleared his throat and looked away as I chose to ignore. "Because I'm sure he wouldn't just leave me...hanging-" He was saying this like the very thought sounded too ridiculous to him.
So I decided to prove him the exact opposite.
"Oh, sure he did," I smirked devilishly. "He's currently having the time of his life with his 'lover'."
Augustus furrowed his eyebrows and almost looked repelled. "Lover? What lover?"
I tsked and shrugged. "That's why I didn't want to tell you. In the beginning-" I feigned pity. "Because I knew you'd be heartbroken when you know-"
His eyebrows plunged even more as he studied me. "Know what? You're not making sense."
I sighed heavily, looked down, then back up at him with a sympathetic smile. "Julius." I shook my head. "He fled away with his blind girl-" I said smoothly. "That was why I was confused in the beginning-" I shrugged helplessly. "I thought he had told you. I thought he told you not to look for him. I thought you knew."
---
Samantha's POV.
I didn't know where to keep my shaky fingers.
I didn't know whether I should curl them into fists or hide them in my pockets.
I didn't know what to do with them and it irritated me so much until the sound of a gunshot startled me back to reality. Reality in which my brother shot a beautiful pheasant dead. And now it came tumbling down several meters from the clear, azure sky before it landed softly on the grass, a few metres away from us.
I brought my fingers to my mouth and grazed them with my front teeth as I observed Maxime reload his shotgun with a dark smile and walk toward the dead bird. He then decided to shoot it twice, again, leaving me staring at the blood splattered on the green blades of the glistening grass.
And I, bless me, did nothing but stare, despite the overwhelming sickness that evaded my senses. Did nothing but blink back some tears that were triggered by my brother's actions. Because it seemed so wrong. It seemed wrong that I was trying to escape the miserable clutches that death had imposed, only to live to see it happen in front of me.
A dead pheasant saddened my soul and melted my eyes into ridiculous tears.
So I almost gasped when I watched Maxime's heavy boots step on its dead body and squeeze it to a mush. I might've heard a bone or two break.
He then walked back and stood next to me, tall and straight in slim-fitted black pants and a full-sleeved, v-necked, black shirt that exposed a brown-leather necklace. His dark-brown hair was unkempt but kept away from his eyes by some sort of band. And I daren't flinch as I watched him smile genuinely after the hard days he'd had.
He was starting to raise his shotgun again when I thoughtlessly stopped him by touching his arm. "I want to go." I found myself saying.
He lowered his shotgun and turned his head to me quickly. He then stared at me as my eyes scanned everything except for him. The exceptionally bright sun. The tall grass. The gamekeeper watching us from a distance while smoking a cigarette. My own faded jeans and plain, grey shirt. I even picked on a loose thread before his voice snapped me back to him.
Why was I acting afraid of him? Why couldn't I look in his metallic eyes? I needed to take a deep breath and stop being stupid. I needed to look in his eyes and see him smile like everything's okay. I needed his smile to prove to that I was overreacting.
So I looked up. I looked up in hope.
"Why?" He was asking me surprisedly. "Aren't you enjoying your time?" He cocked an eyebrow at me and I hesitated to answer, but he continued. "Leonard loved watching me do this." He tipped his head toward the sky. He then looked down with a sincere smile. "He even asked me to teach him. And I did."
My lips were parted slightly as sentences, no -paragraphs formed in my head before breaking down at the last minute into meaningless, drifting words in my headspace. I realized I had lost the string that held them together to convey something important that, blimey, I couldn't quite remember when I looked in his eerily calm eyes. But it was very important, I thought. I had to find the string, I thought. I needed to fight my fear.
"No." So that was what I ended up saying with a shaky breath.
"No, what?" He pressed, feigning curiosity and I shook my head subtly as I tried to smile.
I failed.
"I -uh- just feel sick today." And I wasn't completely lying. I did feel sick. What he was doing now made me feel sick. Pressing the stale blood out of triple-shot, dead pheasants. I even thought it was illegal and that my brother was just breaking a law. But it wasn't. And he wasn't breaking any law.
But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this was 'okay', I just couldn't. Just about five days of having Leonard die in his own arms, he decided to go bird-shooting. I tried to convince myself that this was normal. I tried to convince myself that hearing him cry to sleep at night made sense and complimented his actions.
But his contradictory actions scared me. They made no sense to me. They were ambiguous. Creepy.
I noticed him study me with a heavy gaze. "Maybe, you're just bored," was what he said with a slight shrug. "Do you want to try?"
My heart caught in my throat and I was about to shake my head no-no-no when he shoved the shotgun in my arms. "No, Maxime. I do not."
But he was already roughly, tightening my hands around the gun.
"Maxime!" I snapped, no longer capable of handling his obscure actions, as he looked up at me with darkened eyes.
"It's very easy." His voice was unnaturally flat, I thought as he stepped closer to me unblinking.
"I do not want to do this!" I was frowning at him and glaring at his hands that forced my hold around the gun.
"But you should try." He was tilting his head and tightening his hold around my hands.
"Stop it, Maxime!" My eyes widened as his hold started to hurt me. "You're hurting me!"
"No, I'm not. I'm not hurting you-" He scoffed, looking almost offended. "I'm trying to teach you what Leon-" His voice was so soft, but I was so repulsed.
"I am not Leonard!" I blurted, ignoring the raging, grey oceans in his eyes that seemed to still immediately after my statement.
"Of course you're not." His lips were slightly parted as he subtly shook his head.
"Then act like it!" I was beyond weirded out by his actions as he just nodded at me. "And let go of me!"
His eyes dropped to his hands robotically. He let go of my hands and I winced. I then chucked the shotgun from my hand furiously to the ground. "I am feeling sick. When you're done," I said pointing at the sky in disgust. "-mourning your brother, come and find me."
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at my actions, but he did nothing to stop me from running away from him.
---
I was standing in front of the same scary window.
The one that reminded me of blindness. I was staring out of it, but this time I could see what was outside. It wasn't dark yet and I was silently staring at a lot of dark-green treetops as I wondered about so many things. Thought of so many people. Amanda. Bianca. Mom. Dad. Leonard. Maxime. And Julius.
Julius. It had been three days since I talked to him. Three days while we waited for some action from his father's side. Three days that proved Julius right. Maybe, his father wasn't coming after all. Then I thought of how angry he'd be that he was doing nothing, but staring at empty walls and breathing rusty air.
"I'm sorry." His voice was heavy with sincerity, but I didn't turn to him. I didn't want to. "I shouldn't have pushed you like this." He continued with a shaky voice and my lips parted at its intensity. "I can't believe-" He was panting. "I'm so sorry, Sam, please." The desperation in his voice were arms that pulled my shoulders so that I could face him.
His hands were caught in his hair and his eyes were wide and bloodshot. He then dropped his hands, bringing a cascade of dark hair over his eyes as he puffed out a heavy breath. He looked at me with the saddest eyes ever. I almost winced at the grief they carried as life companions.
"I don't even know what I'm doing. I just had it really hard." His voice thickened with emotion. "You have no idea what we've been through, Sam. You really don't." He was frowning deeply and I sighed softly at his destitute condition.
"I told you I was there for you, Max," I whispered quietly as I looked down at my fumbling fingers. "He wasn't only your brother. He was mine too." I fixed him with my eyes as I noticed the heavy movement of his chest. "You need to remember I've had it hard too. I lost so many things in the process. You know." I watched his throat move as he stared at me in a trance. "I get to lose him after I just saw him after eight years, Max. Hope broke my heart just again."
"I -uh-" He squeezed shut his eyes, cleared his throat and licked lips. "Grief. It blurs my judgement sometimes." He opened his glassy, rock-grey eyes. "I'm so sorry. Samantha, please."
I sighed heavily and bit my lower lip. "And I'm sorry for getting mad at you."
He shook his head as his face screwed up. "No," he breathed. "I don't mind it at all. In fact, you should keep doing that. Your anger was a slap back to reality." He nodded at me with a slight pout. "I'm afraid I lose sense of mys-"
And I couldn't hear him complain about his pain any longer. It was all just so miserable and painful. It made me wonder when would we get over Leonard's death. And when would everything return to normal. And how.
"You'll avenge his death." I found myself approaching him. I stopped when we were a few inches apart and stared at his deathly pale face, his shaky hands and dirty nails.
Maxime sniffed loudly, looked down and nodded. "We have to, Sammy-" His voice was barely an audible whisper that melted the shield I'd put up around my heart. "We have to-" he repeated, tilted back his head and cleared his throat. He then looked down and captured my welcoming eyes. "We have to kill Julius. You have to kill him."
He then dropped his head and took my lungs with it as I froze.
I stared at his bowed head and messy hair unblinking as my heart tumbled away from my rib cage's clutches. And I started questioning my hearing and my voice. Why wasn't I screaming at what he was saying? Why wasn't I saying no-no-no-no and I can't-I can't-I can't?
My voice, I realized, nowadays, loved playing hide-and-seek with me. It was never there when I needed it most.
"I thought we were over this." My voice was brittle. It was delicate glass waiting for a wrong push from my vocal cords to break and shatter and fracture. So I cleared my throat.
He raised his head slowly and looked at me with weary, watery eyes. "I changed my mind." He was impossibly sad saying those dark, dark, bad things. I thought he'd be laughing this villainy, scary laugh that I hear in movies. But no. He was crying. He was associating this darkness with his grief over Leonard. "I will not kill his father."
I tried to smile. I swear I tried because I wanted to show him that I thought he was being ridiculous. But the crashing waves that were caught under his irises, greyed the bluest of oceans. He was being absolutely serious.
"I want you-" he panted. "-to kill him." He paused to check me with his sad, dark eyes. "In front of his father." His throat moved and his voice hardened. "I want his father to suffer. Killing him would just be a gift."
And I thought I was drowning because there was no apparent way out of his blackholes for eyes. I couldn't think of something to say. Because I was too busy imagining myself pull the gun's trigger at Julius's head. I imagined the disappointed look he had in his -oh lord- beautiful emeralds. I imagined him shaking his head and not fighting me. I imagined him not try stopping me even with his sometimes lethal words. I imagined his virid eyes -oh, such a waste- rolling to the back of his head before he dropped dead.
I curled my shaky fingers into shaky fists. It was terrifying. "Maybe-" I took a deep shaky breath. "Maybe, you should kill him instead."
He raised his eyebrows as a hint of something ominous flitted into and out of his eyes. He then decided to ask me a question. "Do you want him to have an easy death or a tough one?"
"An easy one," I answered almost instantly and I had to bring a hand over my mouth. But Maxime seemed least concerned as he continued with the same flat tone.
"Then you should kill him." He shrugged gently and I gaped at him incredulously.
"That's not easy." The words tumbled out of my mouth as a sharp realization hit me.
I was here. Standing. In front of my brother and discussing how I'll kill a human. I was negotiating. Bargaining. Compromising. I was telling him that him having an easy death was okay with me.
I was not breathing right today.
"Well, easier than me." He said, averting his gaze from me and I shook my head.
"Maxime." I finally breathed. "Maybe his father won't come. Julius said so. And it has been three days."
Maxime diverted his gaze back to me with curiosity and I had to breathe again. "I thought I'd give him five days." He said thoughtfully. "Do you think it's too much?"
My lips floated around for a while as I tried thinking of words to say. Letters to spell. Because this momentary silence was overwhelming. It made me want to throw up the meagre contents of my stomach in Maxime's face.
"I think it's too much too." He finally continued, nodding at nothing in particular. "I think you should ask him-" He diverted his gaze to me as he rubbed his chin with his hand. "Ask him how to lure his father faster. Ask him about his father's weakness." His eyes lit up at his words and I was already shaking my head.
"No." I breathed and his head snapped to me. "He won't tell me," I added hesitantly as Maxime studied me with a smirk. I then narrowed my eyes at him. "He's not dumb."
"Use your charm." He smiled widely. "Like when you kidnap-"
"Absolutely not." I snapped at him instantly and loudly, surprising both of us.
He raised his eyebrows. "Be careful with the tone you're using, sister." His voice was sharp and eyes unwavering as they glued me to place. "Anyone might think you're defending him."
"Defending him?" I scoffed, irritated by his words. "Do you have absolutely no concern about your sister dressing up and pretending like a little, tiny harlot?" I frowned deeply and held my hips.
His lips were fighting a smirk and my breathing fastened in anger as my hands curled into hard fists.
"Seriously?" I shook my head angrily at him, my voice taut and my chest tight. "You have no problem with this?"
He shrugged a shoulder, cocked a brow and stared right in my eyes. "Well, correct me if I'm wrong." He licked his lower lip once and scoffed. "You didn't have a problem with it the first tim-"
I slapped him. And I loved it. It felt so good to release all the anger that heaved down my body and arms.
I wasn't his doll.
He looked up at me and breathed through his nose. And, oh, I loved how my hand marked his face.
"You don't get to speak with me in this manner!" I yelled as his eyes captured mine, then dropped to the ground. "Leonard is dead! You lost him to terrible people. And you have someone to blame. But I'm alive! You'll lose me to yourself. And you wouldn't have anyone to blame but yourself!" I was shaking uncontrollably now. "Try living with that!" I spat out the words and he still wouldn't look at me as he breathed heavily. "Be careful, brother-" I imitated his revolting style. "-I'm not as daft as you hoped I was."
Anger was a rope tied around my neck, pulling and pulling and pulling me out of my comfort, peaceful zone into this redness that I failed to ignore this time. I turned to leave but felt his clutch on my wrist. With tremendous force, I shook his hand off me with a grimace.
"Don't." I glared at his shocked facial expression. "And I'll deal with Julius my way," I spat at him and left.
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Alexander's POV.
Augustus shifted under my scrutinizing gaze as I awaited an answer. "Yes," he whispered. "Julius."
Why had he come to his mind and why had it affected him so much was beyond my comprehension. So I naturally inquired. "Why? I'm...confused."
"Why?" He studied me in disbelief. He then straightened his back, cleared his throat and pursed his lips. "I want to -uh- know-" He looked down, shrugged a shoulder and lifted his eyebrows. "Hell, I need to know." He then lifted his head and quickly licked his lower lip as his eyes surveyed the whole room before landing back on me.
Anyone could see right through his act of nonchalance. He was unnerved, jumpy and sleep-deprived. He sucked at acting. "I'm still thoroughly confused."
Augustus exhaled loudly in response and ran both his hands in his hair, grabbing a bunch in each hand, before dropping his arms by his sides and shutting his eyes. "Why is everything so difficult with you?" His voice was strangled yet sharp and I couldn't help but frown at the anger that impregnated it. And I thought that perhaps all that anger was harboured within him for too long. And that now was the time it made an appearance.
"Augus-"
"Goddammit!" He yelled completely losing his composure. "Goddammit! Is this even normal?!" He bellowed, waving his arms toward me haphazardly. "Is it normal to ask you if you have killed every damn person I care about?!" was what he screamed in my face. "Is it normal to experience heart bloody fractures from your own father?! The person you thought cared about you the most?"
And I thought that God, yes, this was it. Another heart attack. Another one ripping and tearing my heart into snippets. Here was it in a form called Augustus.
"Son, no, list-" I started weakly, my heart thrumming dangerously in my chest. And I thought that, yes, I needed Colin (my nurse) now. Right now. I needed him because I really thought this would end me.
"I -no-" He shook his head and grimaced. "No, Dad, I don't want to 'listen'," he told me vehemently, his voice taut. "I want to know. Okay? I want to know where's Julius. I want to see him. Okay? I need to see him, Dad. And I want to know if you killed him-" he vomited out the words. "Because if so, please do me a favour, and kill me too. Because I'm done, Dad. I'm so done."
I was floored to speechlessness as I stared at him with ashes for a heart. Flames. His words. His were flames that devoured my heart. "Augustus, please, boy, s-"
"Can't you see?!" His face reddened and contorted as his eyes welled up with tears. "Can't you see that I'm done with your performances? Why can't you relieve me, Dad? Why?"
"Son, please," I placed a hand on my chest. "Sit down next to me. Let us talk." I was finding it hard to utter these words, to look into his accusing eyes, to breathe normally as he balled his hands into fists by his sides.
He then shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "Sit down?" He drew his eyebrows together and stared at me. "Sit down and watch you kill everyone I love? Are you-" He stopped to catch his breath. "Are you not aware of the atrocity of wha-"
"Augustus!" I then bellowed firmly, helplessly, shutting him up as his blue irises swam in their ocean of tears.
"You killed him, didn't you?" He sniffled as his face reddened with immense grief. I don't think I've ever seen him that sad. "You killed Julius, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about, son? Why are you saying this?" I was blabbering anything irrelevant on my mind to distract me from the actual truth. The truth. The connection. My son's love to something I yanked emotion out of. My son was wasting his love on a lost cause of a 'brother'.
And then something clicked in me.
"You hate him!" He continued yelling. "So you killed him." He then muttered softly, his tears rolling down his cheeks now.
"Why does it matter to you?" I clenched my jaws and decided that I couldn't watch my son fall into this. I wouldn't allow him to care for an apathetic creature I brought up.
He looked taken aback by my words. "I thought you'd already figured it out. Or need I state what must've been obvious?" He paused to watch my expressionless face. "I care about him, okay? I love him, Dad. And we are not enemies. Okay? And we shall never be as long as this Earth would bear my beating heart."
"I thought," I was breathing hard now. "I thought I made it clear that he shouldn't be dealt with. That you should have nothing to do with him." I was more angry than sad. In fact, I was disgusted by Augustus's unwise decisions always influenced by his damn heart. So I was glaring at him. I was glaring at him, waiting for a 'viable' explanation.
Because even when Simon would report seeing Augustus with Julius, I'd ignore. I had faith in Augustus. I believed his loyalty lied with me. That he'd always listen to me. That he would be there, with him, to perhaps check if everything matched my preferences.
I hadn't thought they were bonding together. This mere thought brought a grimace over my lips.
"I do not need your permission on my actions!" He lashed out. "And I am not here to listen to your opinions about them either! I just want to know if you killed him, dammit!" He then stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
Probably not to disturb the house staff.
"You are an amateur! Of course, you need my permission." I pressed, getting to my feet and facing him, with still a fair distance between us though.
He puffed out a breath and brought a fist to his mouth. "Dad-" he swallowed hard. "I haven't been sleeping because of the nightmares I have in which you point a gun to his head. I haven't been living because all I do now is look for him-" His voice was shaky and I had to stop myself from throwing up from the mixture of emotions I felt.
Besides my disappointment at his utter recklessness, there was this unsettling feeling lurking around in the shadows of my heart. Because it hit me that he was defying me and raising his voice to defend his 'brother'. Which only translated to him loving his brother so much more than I could've ever imagined. So much more than his love for me.
So another thing clicked in me.
"He has been missing for three days!" He almost pulled his hair out, talking through his teeth. "And I am scared-" he almost whimpered. "-because I can't help him. I can't call the damned cops because it then hit me-" He sucked in his lower lip and frowned deeply. "It hit me that you could be the one behind this. And I wouldn't want to lose you-" Tears were staining his shirt now. "But it would get very tempting. And so here I am-" he paused to sniff loudly. "Here I am, asking you if it were you. Because I'll be calling the police. Because I'd rather not be the one to find his rotting corpse when I'm looking for him. I'd. Rather. Not even imagine-" He raised his eyebrows as if imagining the horror of such an occurrence and I immediately knew that I couldn't talk him out of this no matter what. The depth and immensity of his care were out of my league this time.
So I shut my eyes wearily and nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "I have a condition."
Augustus's pulsing blues widened at my response as he stopped sniffling to actually study me. After a few beats of silence, he spoke. "A condition? For what?"
"For telling you about what happened to him." I deliberately gave him a vague answer to drag him relentlessly into my plan B.
He remained quiet for five heartbeats, unblinking as he thought it through. "Right. Of course," he then managed to breathe out with a distant look in his eyes.
I looked down and smirked knowingly. "If he's dead, you shall not know anything about how or where or any of those details. You will not even-" I stopped to glance at his anticipating face. "You will not even be informed about his funeral, burial, etc. After all, he was meant to be a stranger to you."
I then averted my gaze up to him to see him gulp as a lone tear tumbled down his fluttering eyes. "Okay," was his broken response.
I continued, looking back down. "If he is alive, you will not attempt to find him, contact or ever talk to him again for all that matters. Because if that happens, I assure you he will die-" I looked up to him again to stare at his surprisingly vacant facial expression. "So?" I tilted my head and lifted a brow. "Do you want me to 'relieve' you?"
I thought it was a fairly good bargain. I even thought about lying to him and telling him that Julius died, but there was a chance that they might come intact in the future. And then I'd totally lose my son's trust. So making him choose was a wiser option.
His left eye twitched as his face paled. "Okay."
I pressed a tight, unpleasant smile. "Are you sure? I am a man of my word."
"I am a man of my word too," came his offhand response.
"Of course you are," I said. "You are my son."
"Sure," he said emotionlessly. "Tell me now."
I studied him more with narrowed eyes before sighing loudly. "He's alive."
Augustus's eyes widened and his lips parted. He then blinked twice before releasing the tension from his shoulders and exhaling loudly, shutting his eyes. And just like that, a smile lit up his face. "He's alive. I knew it!" He seemed to whisper that to himself reassuringly before snapping open his eyes.
I tried not to roll my eyes.
"I will kill him-" I started, drawing Augustus's attention back to me. "I will kill him if you ever try looking for him, Augustus. I swear on your mother's soul." I made should I sounded dead serious as I watched his smile falter a bit. I even brought his mother in this to make it sound like a more authentic threat. "From now on, you know no Julius."
He stared at me unblinking as I tried to understand the way he looked at me. I wanted to jump right in his thoughts and memories and handpick those that should stay and those that should go away. I wanted to protect him from them.
"That's not fair-" he then blurted out and I raised my eyebrows warningly. "He could be alive and on the verge of death. He might be getting tortured as we talk. I need more confirmation. I need to know if he's actually fine. Because I know he wouldn't just turn his back on me like this-" He was frowning now and subtly shaking his head. "There must be a genuine reason. A genuine bad reason."
"What makes you think it's bad?"
"Because it's associated with yo-" He blurted, but decided to stop a bit too late. He then cleared his throat and looked away as I chose to ignore. "Because I'm sure he wouldn't just leave me...hanging-" He was saying this like the very thought sounded too ridiculous to him.
So I decided to prove him the exact opposite.
"Oh, sure he did," I smirked devilishly. "He's currently having the time of his life with his 'lover'."
Augustus furrowed his eyebrows and almost looked repelled. "Lover? What lover?"
I tsked and shrugged. "That's why I didn't want to tell you. In the beginning-" I feigned pity. "Because I knew you'd be heartbroken when you know-"
His eyebrows plunged even more as he studied me. "Know what? You're not making sense."
I sighed heavily, looked down, then back up at him with a sympathetic smile. "Julius." I shook my head. "He fled away with his blind girl-" I said smoothly. "That was why I was confused in the beginning-" I shrugged helplessly. "I thought he had told you. I thought he told you not to look for him. I thought you knew."
---
Samantha's POV.
I didn't know where to keep my shaky fingers.
I didn't know whether I should curl them into fists or hide them in my pockets.
I didn't know what to do with them and it irritated me so much until the sound of a gunshot startled me back to reality. Reality in which my brother shot a beautiful pheasant dead. And now it came tumbling down several meters from the clear, azure sky before it landed softly on the grass, a few metres away from us.
I brought my fingers to my mouth and grazed them with my front teeth as I observed Maxime reload his shotgun with a dark smile and walk toward the dead bird. He then decided to shoot it twice, again, leaving me staring at the blood splattered on the green blades of the glistening grass.
And I, bless me, did nothing but stare, despite the overwhelming sickness that evaded my senses. Did nothing but blink back some tears that were triggered by my brother's actions. Because it seemed so wrong. It seemed wrong that I was trying to escape the miserable clutches that death had imposed, only to live to see it happen in front of me.
A dead pheasant saddened my soul and melted my eyes into ridiculous tears.
So I almost gasped when I watched Maxime's heavy boots step on its dead body and squeeze it to a mush. I might've heard a bone or two break.
He then walked back and stood next to me, tall and straight in slim-fitted black pants and a full-sleeved, v-necked, black shirt that exposed a brown-leather necklace. His dark-brown hair was unkempt but kept away from his eyes by some sort of band. And I daren't flinch as I watched him smile genuinely after the hard days he'd had.
He was starting to raise his shotgun again when I thoughtlessly stopped him by touching his arm. "I want to go." I found myself saying.
He lowered his shotgun and turned his head to me quickly. He then stared at me as my eyes scanned everything except for him. The exceptionally bright sun. The tall grass. The gamekeeper watching us from a distance while smoking a cigarette. My own faded jeans and plain, grey shirt. I even picked on a loose thread before his voice snapped me back to him.
Why was I acting afraid of him? Why couldn't I look in his metallic eyes? I needed to take a deep breath and stop being stupid. I needed to look in his eyes and see him smile like everything's okay. I needed his smile to prove to that I was overreacting.
So I looked up. I looked up in hope.
"Why?" He was asking me surprisedly. "Aren't you enjoying your time?" He cocked an eyebrow at me and I hesitated to answer, but he continued. "Leonard loved watching me do this." He tipped his head toward the sky. He then looked down with a sincere smile. "He even asked me to teach him. And I did."
My lips were parted slightly as sentences, no -paragraphs formed in my head before breaking down at the last minute into meaningless, drifting words in my headspace. I realized I had lost the string that held them together to convey something important that, blimey, I couldn't quite remember when I looked in his eerily calm eyes. But it was very important, I thought. I had to find the string, I thought. I needed to fight my fear.
"No." So that was what I ended up saying with a shaky breath.
"No, what?" He pressed, feigning curiosity and I shook my head subtly as I tried to smile.
I failed.
"I -uh- just feel sick today." And I wasn't completely lying. I did feel sick. What he was doing now made me feel sick. Pressing the stale blood out of triple-shot, dead pheasants. I even thought it was illegal and that my brother was just breaking a law. But it wasn't. And he wasn't breaking any law.
But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this was 'okay', I just couldn't. Just about five days of having Leonard die in his own arms, he decided to go bird-shooting. I tried to convince myself that this was normal. I tried to convince myself that hearing him cry to sleep at night made sense and complimented his actions.
But his contradictory actions scared me. They made no sense to me. They were ambiguous. Creepy.
I noticed him study me with a heavy gaze. "Maybe, you're just bored," was what he said with a slight shrug. "Do you want to try?"
My heart caught in my throat and I was about to shake my head no-no-no when he shoved the shotgun in my arms. "No, Maxime. I do not."
But he was already roughly, tightening my hands around the gun.
"Maxime!" I snapped, no longer capable of handling his obscure actions, as he looked up at me with darkened eyes.
"It's very easy." His voice was unnaturally flat, I thought as he stepped closer to me unblinking.
"I do not want to do this!" I was frowning at him and glaring at his hands that forced my hold around the gun.
"But you should try." He was tilting his head and tightening his hold around my hands.
"Stop it, Maxime!" My eyes widened as his hold started to hurt me. "You're hurting me!"
"No, I'm not. I'm not hurting you-" He scoffed, looking almost offended. "I'm trying to teach you what Leon-" His voice was so soft, but I was so repulsed.
"I am not Leonard!" I blurted, ignoring the raging, grey oceans in his eyes that seemed to still immediately after my statement.
"Of course you're not." His lips were slightly parted as he subtly shook his head.
"Then act like it!" I was beyond weirded out by his actions as he just nodded at me. "And let go of me!"
His eyes dropped to his hands robotically. He let go of my hands and I winced. I then chucked the shotgun from my hand furiously to the ground. "I am feeling sick. When you're done," I said pointing at the sky in disgust. "-mourning your brother, come and find me."
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at my actions, but he did nothing to stop me from running away from him.
---
I was standing in front of the same scary window.
The one that reminded me of blindness. I was staring out of it, but this time I could see what was outside. It wasn't dark yet and I was silently staring at a lot of dark-green treetops as I wondered about so many things. Thought of so many people. Amanda. Bianca. Mom. Dad. Leonard. Maxime. And Julius.
Julius. It had been three days since I talked to him. Three days while we waited for some action from his father's side. Three days that proved Julius right. Maybe, his father wasn't coming after all. Then I thought of how angry he'd be that he was doing nothing, but staring at empty walls and breathing rusty air.
"I'm sorry." His voice was heavy with sincerity, but I didn't turn to him. I didn't want to. "I shouldn't have pushed you like this." He continued with a shaky voice and my lips parted at its intensity. "I can't believe-" He was panting. "I'm so sorry, Sam, please." The desperation in his voice were arms that pulled my shoulders so that I could face him.
His hands were caught in his hair and his eyes were wide and bloodshot. He then dropped his hands, bringing a cascade of dark hair over his eyes as he puffed out a heavy breath. He looked at me with the saddest eyes ever. I almost winced at the grief they carried as life companions.
"I don't even know what I'm doing. I just had it really hard." His voice thickened with emotion. "You have no idea what we've been through, Sam. You really don't." He was frowning deeply and I sighed softly at his destitute condition.
"I told you I was there for you, Max," I whispered quietly as I looked down at my fumbling fingers. "He wasn't only your brother. He was mine too." I fixed him with my eyes as I noticed the heavy movement of his chest. "You need to remember I've had it hard too. I lost so many things in the process. You know." I watched his throat move as he stared at me in a trance. "I get to lose him after I just saw him after eight years, Max. Hope broke my heart just again."
"I -uh-" He squeezed shut his eyes, cleared his throat and licked lips. "Grief. It blurs my judgement sometimes." He opened his glassy, rock-grey eyes. "I'm so sorry. Samantha, please."
I sighed heavily and bit my lower lip. "And I'm sorry for getting mad at you."
He shook his head as his face screwed up. "No," he breathed. "I don't mind it at all. In fact, you should keep doing that. Your anger was a slap back to reality." He nodded at me with a slight pout. "I'm afraid I lose sense of mys-"
And I couldn't hear him complain about his pain any longer. It was all just so miserable and painful. It made me wonder when would we get over Leonard's death. And when would everything return to normal. And how.
"You'll avenge his death." I found myself approaching him. I stopped when we were a few inches apart and stared at his deathly pale face, his shaky hands and dirty nails.
Maxime sniffed loudly, looked down and nodded. "We have to, Sammy-" His voice was barely an audible whisper that melted the shield I'd put up around my heart. "We have to-" he repeated, tilted back his head and cleared his throat. He then looked down and captured my welcoming eyes. "We have to kill Julius. You have to kill him."
He then dropped his head and took my lungs with it as I froze.
I stared at his bowed head and messy hair unblinking as my heart tumbled away from my rib cage's clutches. And I started questioning my hearing and my voice. Why wasn't I screaming at what he was saying? Why wasn't I saying no-no-no-no and I can't-I can't-I can't?
My voice, I realized, nowadays, loved playing hide-and-seek with me. It was never there when I needed it most.
"I thought we were over this." My voice was brittle. It was delicate glass waiting for a wrong push from my vocal cords to break and shatter and fracture. So I cleared my throat.
He raised his head slowly and looked at me with weary, watery eyes. "I changed my mind." He was impossibly sad saying those dark, dark, bad things. I thought he'd be laughing this villainy, scary laugh that I hear in movies. But no. He was crying. He was associating this darkness with his grief over Leonard. "I will not kill his father."
I tried to smile. I swear I tried because I wanted to show him that I thought he was being ridiculous. But the crashing waves that were caught under his irises, greyed the bluest of oceans. He was being absolutely serious.
"I want you-" he panted. "-to kill him." He paused to check me with his sad, dark eyes. "In front of his father." His throat moved and his voice hardened. "I want his father to suffer. Killing him would just be a gift."
And I thought I was drowning because there was no apparent way out of his blackholes for eyes. I couldn't think of something to say. Because I was too busy imagining myself pull the gun's trigger at Julius's head. I imagined the disappointed look he had in his -oh lord- beautiful emeralds. I imagined him shaking his head and not fighting me. I imagined him not try stopping me even with his sometimes lethal words. I imagined his virid eyes -oh, such a waste- rolling to the back of his head before he dropped dead.
I curled my shaky fingers into shaky fists. It was terrifying. "Maybe-" I took a deep shaky breath. "Maybe, you should kill him instead."
He raised his eyebrows as a hint of something ominous flitted into and out of his eyes. He then decided to ask me a question. "Do you want him to have an easy death or a tough one?"
"An easy one," I answered almost instantly and I had to bring a hand over my mouth. But Maxime seemed least concerned as he continued with the same flat tone.
"Then you should kill him." He shrugged gently and I gaped at him incredulously.
"That's not easy." The words tumbled out of my mouth as a sharp realization hit me.
I was here. Standing. In front of my brother and discussing how I'll kill a human. I was negotiating. Bargaining. Compromising. I was telling him that him having an easy death was okay with me.
I was not breathing right today.
"Well, easier than me." He said, averting his gaze from me and I shook my head.
"Maxime." I finally breathed. "Maybe his father won't come. Julius said so. And it has been three days."
Maxime diverted his gaze back to me with curiosity and I had to breathe again. "I thought I'd give him five days." He said thoughtfully. "Do you think it's too much?"
My lips floated around for a while as I tried thinking of words to say. Letters to spell. Because this momentary silence was overwhelming. It made me want to throw up the meagre contents of my stomach in Maxime's face.
"I think it's too much too." He finally continued, nodding at nothing in particular. "I think you should ask him-" He diverted his gaze to me as he rubbed his chin with his hand. "Ask him how to lure his father faster. Ask him about his father's weakness." His eyes lit up at his words and I was already shaking my head.
"No." I breathed and his head snapped to me. "He won't tell me," I added hesitantly as Maxime studied me with a smirk. I then narrowed my eyes at him. "He's not dumb."
"Use your charm." He smiled widely. "Like when you kidnap-"
"Absolutely not." I snapped at him instantly and loudly, surprising both of us.
He raised his eyebrows. "Be careful with the tone you're using, sister." His voice was sharp and eyes unwavering as they glued me to place. "Anyone might think you're defending him."
"Defending him?" I scoffed, irritated by his words. "Do you have absolutely no concern about your sister dressing up and pretending like a little, tiny harlot?" I frowned deeply and held my hips.
His lips were fighting a smirk and my breathing fastened in anger as my hands curled into hard fists.
"Seriously?" I shook my head angrily at him, my voice taut and my chest tight. "You have no problem with this?"
He shrugged a shoulder, cocked a brow and stared right in my eyes. "Well, correct me if I'm wrong." He licked his lower lip once and scoffed. "You didn't have a problem with it the first tim-"
I slapped him. And I loved it. It felt so good to release all the anger that heaved down my body and arms.
I wasn't his doll.
He looked up at me and breathed through his nose. And, oh, I loved how my hand marked his face.
"You don't get to speak with me in this manner!" I yelled as his eyes captured mine, then dropped to the ground. "Leonard is dead! You lost him to terrible people. And you have someone to blame. But I'm alive! You'll lose me to yourself. And you wouldn't have anyone to blame but yourself!" I was shaking uncontrollably now. "Try living with that!" I spat out the words and he still wouldn't look at me as he breathed heavily. "Be careful, brother-" I imitated his revolting style. "-I'm not as daft as you hoped I was."
Anger was a rope tied around my neck, pulling and pulling and pulling me out of my comfort, peaceful zone into this redness that I failed to ignore this time. I turned to leave but felt his clutch on my wrist. With tremendous force, I shook his hand off me with a grimace.
"Don't." I glared at his shocked facial expression. "And I'll deal with Julius my way," I spat at him and left.
Alexander's POV.Augustus shifted under my scrutinizing gaze as I awaited an answer. "Yes," he whispered. "Julius."Why had he come to his mind and why had it affected him so much was beyond my comprehension. So I naturally inquired. "Why? I'm...confused.""Why?" He studied me in disbelief. He then straightened his back, cleared his throat and pursed his lips. "I want to -uh- know-" He looked down, shrugged a shoulder and lifted his eyebrows. "Hell, I need to know." He then lifted his head and quickly licked his lower lip as his eyes surveyed the whole room before landing back on me.Anyone could see right through his act of nonchalance. He was unnerved, jumpy and sleep-deprived. He sucked at acting. "I'm still thoroughly confused."Augustus exhaled loudly in response and ran both his hands in his hair, grabbing a bunch in each hand, before dropping his arms by his sides and shutting his eyes. "Why is everything so difficult with you?" His voice was strangled yet sharp and I couldn't help but frown at the anger that impregnated it. And I thought that perhaps all that anger was harboured within him for too long. And that now was the time it made an appearance."Augus-""Goddammit!" He yelled completely losing his composure. "Goddammit! Is this even normal?!" He bellowed, waving his arms toward me haphazardly. "Is it normal to ask you if you have killed every damn person I care about?!" was what he screamed in my face. "Is it normal to experience heart bloody fractures from your own father?! The person you thought cared about you the most?"And I thought that God, yes, this was it. Another heart attack. Another one ripping and tearing my heart into snippets. Here was it in a form called Augustus."Son, no, list-" I started weakly, my heart thrumming dangerously in my chest. And I thought that, yes, I needed Colin my nurse now. Right now. I needed him because I really thought this would end me."I -no-" He shook his head and grimaced. "No, Dad, I don't want to 'listen'," he told me vehemently, his voice taut. "I want to know. Okay? I want to know where's Julius. I want to see him. Okay? I need to see him, Dad. And I want to know if you killed him-" he vomited out the words. "Because if so, please do me a favour, and kill me too. Because I'm done, Dad. I'm so done."I was floored to speechlessness as I stared at him with ashes for a heart. Flames. His words. His were flames that devoured my heart. "Augustus, please, boy, s-""Can't you see?!" His face reddened and contorted as his eyes welled up with tears. "Can't you see that I'm done with your performances? Why can't you relieve me, Dad? Why?""Son, please," I placed a hand on my chest. "Sit down next to me. Let us talk." I was finding it hard to utter these words, to look into his accusing eyes, to breathe normally as he balled his hands into fists by his sides.He then shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "Sit down?" He drew his eyebrows together and stared at me. "Sit down and watch you kill everyone I love? Are you-" He stopped to catch his breath. "Are you not aware of the atrocity of wha-""Augustus!" I then bellowed firmly, helplessly, shutting him up as his blue irises swam in their ocean of tears."You killed him, didn't you?" He sniffled as his face reddened with immense grief. I don't think I've ever seen him that sad. "You killed Julius, didn't you?""What are you talking about, son? Why are you saying this?" I was blabbering anything irrelevant on my mind to distract me from the actual truth. The truth. The connection. My son's love to something I yanked emotion out of. My son was wasting his love on a lost cause of a 'brother'.And then something clicked in me."You hate him!" He continued yelling. "So you killed him." He then muttered softly, his tears rolling down his cheeks now."Why does it matter to you?" I clenched my jaws and decided that I couldn't watch my son fall into this. I wouldn't allow him to care for an apathetic creature I brought up.He looked taken aback by my words. "I thought you'd already figured it out. Or need I state what must've been obvious?" He paused to watch my expressionless face. "I care about him, okay? I love him, Dad. And we are not enemies. Okay? And we shall never be as long as this Earth would bear my beating heart.""I thought," I was breathing hard now. "I thought I made it clear that he shouldn't be dealt with. That you should have nothing to do with him." I was more angry than sad. In fact, I was disgusted by Augustus's unwise decisions always influenced by his damn heart. So I was glaring at him. I was glaring at him, waiting for a 'viable' explanation.Because even when Simon would report seeing Augustus with Julius, I'd ignore. I had faith in Augustus. I believed his loyalty lied with me. That he'd always listen to me. That he would be there, with him, to perhaps check if everything matched my preferences.I hadn't thought they were bonding together. This mere thought brought a grimace over my lips."I do not need your permission on my actions!" He lashed out. "And I am not here to listen to your opinions about them either! I just want to know if you killed him, dammit!" He then stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.Probably not to disturb the house staff."You are an amateur! Of course, you need my permission." I pressed, getting to my feet and facing him, with still a fair distance between us though.He puffed out a breath and brought a fist to his mouth. "Dad-" he swallowed hard. "I haven't been sleeping because of the nightmares I have in which you point a gun to his head. I haven't been living because all I do now is look for him-" His voice was shaky and I had to stop myself from throwing up from the mixture of emotions I felt.Besides my disappointment at his utter recklessness, there was this unsettling feeling lurking around in the shadows of my heart. Because it hit me that he was defying me and raising his voice to defend his 'brother'. Which only translated to him loving his brother so much more than I could've ever imagined. So much more than his love for me.So another thing clicked in me."He has been missing for three days!" He almost pulled his hair out, talking through his teeth. "And I am scared-" he almost whimpered. "-because I can't help him. I can't call the damned cops because it then hit me-" He sucked in his lower lip and frowned deeply. "It hit me that you could be the one behind this. And I wouldn't want to lose you-" Tears were staining his shirt now. "But it would get very tempting. And so here I am-" he paused to sniff loudly. "Here I am, asking you if it were you. Because I'll be calling the police. Because I'd rather not be the one to find his rotting corpse when I'm looking for him. I'd. Rather. Not even imagine-" He raised his eyebrows as if imagining the horror of such an occurrence and I immediately knew that I couldn't talk him out of this no matter what. The depth and immensity of his care were out of my league this time.So I shut my eyes wearily and nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "I have a condition."Augustus's pulsing blues widened at my response as he stopped sniffling to actually study me. After a few beats of silence, he spoke. "A condition? For what?""For telling you about what happened to him." I deliberately gave him a vague answer to drag him relentlessly into my plan B.He remained quiet for five heartbeats, unblinking as he thought it through. "Right. Of course," he then managed to breathe out with a distant look in his eyes.I looked down and smirked knowingly. "If he's dead, you shall not know anything about how or where or any of those details. You will not even-" I stopped to glance at his anticipating face. "You will not even be informed about his funeral, burial, etc. After all, he was meant to be a stranger to you."I then averted my gaze up to him to see him gulp as a lone tear tumbled down his fluttering eyes. "Okay," was his broken response.I continued, looking back down. "If he is alive, you will not attempt to find him, contact or ever talk to him again for all that matters. Because if that happens, I assure you he will die-" I looked up to him again to stare at his surprisingly vacant facial expression. "So?" I tilted my head and lifted a brow. "Do you want me to 'relieve' you?"I thought it was a fairly good bargain. I even thought about lying to him and telling him that Julius died, but there was a chance that they might come intact in the future. And then I'd totally lose my son's trust. So making him choose was a wiser option.His left eye twitched as his face paled. "Okay."I pressed a tight, unpleasant smile. "Are you sure? I am a man of my word.""I am a man of my word too," came his offhand response."Of course you are," I said. "You are my son.""Sure," he said emotionlessly. "Tell me now."I studied him more with narrowed eyes before sighing loudly. "He's alive."Augustus's eyes widened and his lips parted. He then blinked twice before releasing the tension from his shoulders and exhaling loudly, shutting his eyes. And just like that, a smile lit up his face. "He's alive. I knew it!" He seemed to whisper that to himself reassuringly before snapping open his eyes.I tried not to roll my eyes."I will kill him-" I started, drawing Augustus's attention back to me. "I will kill him if you ever try looking for him, Augustus. I swear on your mother's soul." I made should I sounded dead serious as I watched his smile falter a bit. I even brought his mother in this to make it sound like a more authentic threat. "From now on, you know no Julius."He stared at me unblinking as I tried to understand the way he looked at me. I wanted to jump right in his thoughts and memories and handpick those that should stay and those that should go away. I wanted to protect him from them."That's not fair-" he then blurted out and I raised my eyebrows warningly. "He could be alive and on the verge of death. He might be getting tortured as we talk. I need more confirmation. I need to know if he's actually fine. Because I know he wouldn't just turn his back on me like this-" He was frowning now and subtly shaking his head. "There must be a genuine reason. A genuine bad reason.""What makes you think it's bad?""Because it's associated with yo-" He blurted, but decided to stop a bit too late. He then cleared his throat and looked away as I chose to ignore. "Because I'm sure he wouldn't just leave me...hanging-" He was saying this like the very thought sounded too ridiculous to him.So I decided to prove him the exact opposite."Oh, sure he did," I smirked devilishly. "He's currently having the time of his life with his 'lover'."Augustus furrowed his eyebrows and almost looked repelled. "Lover? What lover?"I tsked and shrugged. "That's why I didn't want to tell you. In the beginning-" I feigned pity. "Because I knew you'd be heartbroken when you know-"His eyebrows plunged even more as he studied me. "Know what? You're not making sense."I sighed heavily, looked down, then back up at him with a sympathetic smile. "Julius." I shook my head. "He fled away with his blind girl-" I said smoothly. "That was why I was confused in the beginning-" I shrugged helplessly. "I thought he had told you. I thought he told you not to look for him. I thought you knew."---Samantha's POV.I didn't know where to keep my shaky fingers.I didn't know whether I should curl them into fists or hide them in my pockets.I didn't know what to do with them and it irritated me so much until the sound of a gunshot startled me back to reality. Reality in which my brother shot a beautiful pheasant dead. And now it came tumbling down several meters from the clear, azure sky before it landed softly on the grass, a few metres away from us.I brought my fingers to my mouth and grazed them with my front teeth as I observed Maxime reload his shotgun with a dark smile and walk toward the dead bird. He then decided to shoot it twice, again, leaving me staring at the blood splattered on the green blades of the glistening grass.And I, bless me, did nothing but stare, despite the overwhelming sickness that evaded my senses. Did nothing but blink back some tears that were triggered by my brother's actions. Because it seemed so wrong. It seemed wrong that I was trying to escape the miserable clutches that death had imposed, only to live to see it happen in front of me.A dead pheasant saddened my soul and melted my eyes into ridiculous tears.So I almost gasped when I watched Maxime's heavy boots step on its dead body and squeeze it to a mush. I might've heard a bone or two break.He then walked back and stood next to me, tall and straight in slim-fitted black pants and a full-sleeved, v-necked, black shirt that exposed a brown-leather necklace. His dark-brown hair was unkempt but kept away from his eyes by some sort of band. And I daren't flinch as I watched him smile genuinely after the hard days he'd had.He was starting to raise his shotgun again when I thoughtlessly stopped him by touching his arm. "I want to go." I found myself saying.He lowered his shotgun and turned his head to me quickly. He then stared at me as my eyes scanned everything except for him. The exceptionally bright sun. The tall grass. The gamekeeper watching us from a distance while smoking a cigarette. My own faded jeans and plain, grey shirt. I even picked on a loose thread before his voice snapped me back to him.Why was I acting afraid of him? Why couldn't I look in his metallic eyes? I needed to take a deep breath and stop being stupid. I needed to look in his eyes and see him smile like everything's okay. I needed his smile to prove to that I was overreacting.So I looked up. I looked up in hope."Why?" He was asking me surprisedly. "Aren't you enjoying your time?" He cocked an eyebrow at me and I hesitated to answer, but he continued. "Leonard loved watching me do this." He tipped his head toward the sky. He then looked down with a sincere smile. "He even asked me to teach him. And I did."My lips were parted slightly as sentences, no -paragraphs formed in my head before breaking down at the last minute into meaningless, drifting words in my headspace. I realized I had lost the string that held them together to convey something important that, blimey, I couldn't quite remember when I looked in his eerily calm eyes. But it was very important, I thought. I had to find the string, I thought. I needed to fight my fear."No." So that was what I ended up saying with a shaky breath."No, what?" He pressed, feigning curiosity and I shook my head subtly as I tried to smile.I failed."I -uh- just feel sick today." And I wasn't completely lying. I did feel sick. What he was doing now made me feel sick. Pressing the stale blood out of triple-shot, dead pheasants. I even thought it was illegal and that my brother was just breaking a law. But it wasn't. And he wasn't breaking any law.But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this was 'okay', I just couldn't. Just about five days of having Leonard die in his own arms, he decided to go bird-shooting. I tried to convince myself that this was normal. I tried to convince myself that hearing him cry to sleep at night made sense and complimented his actions.But his contradictory actions scared me. They made no sense to me. They were ambiguous. Creepy.I noticed him study me with a heavy gaze. "Maybe, you're just bored," was what he said with a slight shrug. "Do you want to try?"My heart caught in my throat and I was about to shake my head no-no-no when he shoved the shotgun in my arms. "No, Maxime. I do not."But he was already roughly, tightening my hands around the gun."Maxime!" I snapped, no longer capable of handling his obscure actions, as he looked up at me with darkened eyes."It's very easy." His voice was unnaturally flat, I thought as he stepped closer to me unblinking."I do not want to do this!" I was frowning at him and glaring at his hands that forced my hold around the gun."But you should try." He was tilting his head and tightening his hold around my hands."Stop it, Maxime!" My eyes widened as his hold started to hurt me. "You're hurting me!""No, I'm not. I'm not hurting you-" He scoffed, looking almost offended. "I'm trying to teach you what Leon-" His voice was so soft, but I was so repulsed."I am not Leonard!" I blurted, ignoring the raging, grey oceans in his eyes that seemed to still immediately after my statement."Of course you're not." His lips were slightly parted as he subtly shook his head."Then act like it!" I was beyond weirded out by his actions as he just nodded at me. "And let go of me!"His eyes dropped to his hands robotically. He let go of my hands and I winced. I then chucked the shotgun from my hand furiously to the ground. "I am feeling sick. When you're done," I said pointing at the sky in disgust. "-mourning your brother, come and find me."His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at my actions, but he did nothing to stop me from running away from him.---I was standing in front of the same scary window.The one that reminded me of blindness. I was staring out of it, but this time I could see what was outside. It wasn't dark yet and I was silently staring at a lot of dark-green treetops as I wondered about so many things. Thought of so many people. Amanda. Bianca. Mom. Dad. Leonard. Maxime. And Julius.Julius. It had been three days since I talked to him. Three days while we waited for some action from his father's side. Three days that proved Julius right. Maybe, his father wasn't coming after all. Then I thought of how angry he'd be that he was doing nothing, but staring at empty walls and breathing rusty air."I'm sorry." His voice was heavy with sincerity, but I didn't turn to him. I didn't want to. "I shouldn't have pushed you like this." He continued with a shaky voice and my lips parted at its intensity. "I can't believe-" He was panting. "I'm so sorry, Sam, please." The desperation in his voice were arms that pulled my shoulders so that I could face him.His hands were caught in his hair and his eyes were wide and bloodshot. He then dropped his hands, bringing a cascade of dark hair over his eyes as he puffed out a heavy breath. He looked at me with the saddest eyes ever. I almost winced at the grief they carried as life companions."I don't even know what I'm doing. I just had it really hard." His voice thickened with emotion. "You have no idea what we've been through, Sam. You really don't." He was frowning deeply and I sighed softly at his destitute condition."I told you I was there for you, Max," I whispered quietly as I looked down at my fumbling fingers. "He wasn't only your brother. He was mine too." I fixed him with my eyes as I noticed the heavy movement of his chest. "You need to remember I've had it hard too. I lost so many things in the process. You know." I watched his throat move as he stared at me in a trance. "I get to lose him after I just saw him after eight years, Max. Hope broke my heart just again.""I -uh-" He squeezed shut his eyes, cleared his throat and licked lips. "Grief. It blurs my judgement sometimes." He opened his glassy, rock-grey eyes. "I'm so sorry. Samantha, please."I sighed heavily and bit my lower lip. "And I'm sorry for getting mad at you."He shook his head as his face screwed up. "No," he breathed. "I don't mind it at all. In fact, you should keep doing that. Your anger was a slap back to reality." He nodded at me with a slight pout. "I'm afraid I lose sense of mys-"And I couldn't hear him complain about his pain any longer. It was all just so miserable and painful. It made me wonder when would we get over Leonard's death. And when would everything return to normal. And how."You'll avenge his death." I found myself approaching him. I stopped when we were a few inches apart and stared at his deathly pale face, his shaky hands and dirty nails.Maxime sniffed loudly, looked down and nodded. "We have to, Sammy-" His voice was barely an audible whisper that melted the shield I'd put up around my heart. "We have to-" he repeated, tilted back his head and cleared his throat. He then looked down and captured my welcoming eyes. "We have to kill Julius. You have to kill him."He then dropped his head and took my lungs with it as I froze.I stared at his bowed head and messy hair unblinking as my heart tumbled away from my rib cage's clutches. And I started questioning my hearing and my voice. Why wasn't I screaming at what he was saying? Why wasn't I saying no-no-no-no and I can't-I can't-I can't?My voice, I realized, nowadays, loved playing hide-and-seek with me. It was never there when I needed it most."I thought we were over this." My voice was brittle. It was delicate glass waiting for a wrong push from my vocal cords to break and shatter and fracture. So I cleared my throat.He raised his head slowly and looked at me with weary, watery eyes. "I changed my mind." He was impossibly sad saying those dark, dark, bad things. I thought he'd be laughing this villainy, scary laugh that I hear in movies. But no. He was crying. He was associating this darkness with his grief over Leonard. "I will not kill his father."I tried to smile. I swear I tried because I wanted to show him that I thought he was being ridiculous. But the crashing waves that were caught under his irises, greyed the bluest of oceans. He was being absolutely serious."I want you-" he panted. "-to kill him." He paused to check me with his sad, dark eyes. "In front of his father." His throat moved and his voice hardened. "I want his father to suffer. Killing him would just be a gift."And I thought I was drowning because there was no apparent way out of his blackholes for eyes. I couldn't think of something to say. Because I was too busy imagining myself pull the gun's trigger at Julius's head. I imagined the disappointed look he had in his -oh lord- beautiful emeralds. I imagined him shaking his head and not fighting me. I imagined him not try stopping me even with his sometimes lethal words. I imagined his virid eyes -oh, such a waste- rolling to the back of his head before he dropped dead.I curled my shaky fingers into shaky fists. It was terrifying. "Maybe-" I took a deep shaky breath. "Maybe, you should kill him instead."He raised his eyebrows as a hint of something ominous flitted into and out of his eyes. He then decided to ask me a question. "Do you want him to have an easy death or a tough one?""An easy one," I answered almost instantly and I had to bring a hand over my mouth. But Maxime seemed least concerned as he continued with the same flat tone."Then you should kill him." He shrugged gently and I gaped at him incredulously."That's not easy." The words tumbled out of my mouth as a sharp realization hit me.I was here. Standing. In front of my brother and discussing how I'll kill a human. I was negotiating. Bargaining. Compromising. I was telling him that him having an easy death was okay with me.I was not breathing right today."Well, easier than me." He said, averting his gaze from me and I shook my head."Maxime." I finally breathed. "Maybe his father won't come. Julius said so. And it has been three days."Maxime diverted his gaze back to me with curiosity and I had to breathe again. "I thought I'd give him five days." He said thoughtfully. "Do you think it's too much?"My lips floated around for a while as I tried thinking of words to say. Letters to spell. Because this momentary silence was overwhelming. It made me want to throw up the meagre contents of my stomach in Maxime's face."I think it's too much too." He finally continued, nodding at nothing in particular. "I think you should ask him-" He diverted his gaze to me as he rubbed his chin with his hand. "Ask him how to lure his father faster. Ask him about his father's weakness." His eyes lit up at his words and I was already shaking my head."No." I breathed and his head snapped to me. "He won't tell me," I added hesitantly as Maxime studied me with a smirk. I then narrowed my eyes at him. "He's not dumb.""Use your charm." He smiled widely. "Like when you kidnap-""Absolutely not." I snapped at him instantly and loudly, surprising both of us.He raised his eyebrows. "Be careful with the tone you're using, sister." His voice was sharp and eyes unwavering as they glued me to place. "Anyone might think you're defending him.""Defending him?" I scoffed, irritated by his words. "Do you have absolutely no concern about your sister dressing up and pretending like a little, tiny harlot?" I frowned deeply and held my hips.His lips were fighting a smirk and my breathing fastened in anger as my hands curled into hard fists."Seriously?" I shook my head angrily at him, my voice taut and my chest tight. "You have no problem with this?"He shrugged a shoulder, cocked a brow and stared right in my eyes. "Well, correct me if I'm wrong." He licked his lower lip once and scoffed. "You didn't have a problem with it the first tim-"I slapped him. And I loved it. It felt so good to release all the anger that heaved down my body and arms.I wasn't his doll.He looked up at me and breathed through his nose. And, oh, I loved how my hand marked his face."You don't get to speak with me in this manner!" I yelled as his eyes captured mine, then dropped to the ground. "Leonard is dead! You lost him to terrible people. And you have someone to blame. But I'm alive! You'll lose me to yourself. And you wouldn't have anyone to blame but yourself!" I was shaking uncontrollably now. "Try living with that!" I spat out the words and he still wouldn't look at me as he breathed heavily. "Be careful, brother-" I imitated his revolting style. "-I'm not as daft as you hoped I was."Anger was a rope tied around my neck, pulling and pulling and pulling me out of my comfort, peaceful zone into this redness that I failed to ignore this time. I turned to leave but felt his clutch on my wrist. With tremendous force, I shook his hand off me with a grimace."Don't." I glared at his shocked facial expression. "And I'll deal with Julius my way," I spat at him and left.
