Thanks to that guy, I'm aware of more things now.
If I could, I would wipe them away from my memory.
Nevertheless, it had been engraved in my heart so deep that I couldn’t just ignore it.
Even if I didn’t want it to happen, even if I wanted to wipe it away, it would cause pain in my chest regardless.
I had no right to to say it.
People like me shouldn’t have this feeling.
It was great to have a place to belong.
This was why I didn’t want to give it up.
If I were to express this feeling...no, I had to prevent that from happening.
This was because I wouldn’t be able to go back there once that happened.
The bonds that we held would collapse.
This was why I had to do everything to cover it up.
Could I bear it? Could I withstand it? Could I skimp them? Could I protect it?
In short, I didn’t want to destroy it.
□■□■□
Since Kiriyama had started coming to school, these three days flew very peacefully to the club members—at least this was what Taichi believed.
Although sometimes their desires were unleashed, problems that were induced were insignificant ones that wouldn’t leave scars behind.
Perhaps it was because of Taichi and the others had left the tensed situation they were trapped in that they could take things with the sense of ease, bringing a dramatically conducive effect.
The only problem was that Inaba still kept her distance from them.
Days flew, Friday arrived. It was on the day of outdoor learning.
The weather was bright, the sky calm.
Upon arriving at school, Taichi found out that a lot of students of the first grade had gathered in the sports field. They were wearing casual wear, which made it awkward, as they were seemingly at school.
The air was filled with anticipation and anxiety. There were only some girls complaining they had to walk, which restricted them from dressing themselves up with the degree of beauty they desired.
Upon finding his group, Taichi walked forward to them.
Nagase Iori was wearing a striped T-shirt along with a jacket with a soft khaki hoody and pants. It was because of her natural outfit instead of pretending to be mature that made her look like an adult, splendid and charming.
Kiriyama Yui was wearing a checkered loose shirt and one-piece dress along with snuggly denim jeans. Her outfit not only put the convenience of her activity of her account but also the unique elegancy of girls.
Inaba Himeko, on the other hand, wore clothes based on the black colour, having a sweater that clearly exposed the curvature of her body and pants that accentuated her slim and long legs. Although it was a simple outfit, it looked very trendy on Inaba, who had the potentials of a model. She looked like she would be in a commercial in a magazine.
Aoki Yoshifumi was wearing a hooded jacket.
The aforementioned people were the members of the Yamaboshi School.
“Good morning!” greeted Taichi, followed by everyone’s smiling replies.
Well, Inaba looked at him with a rigid face.
They were experiencing a serious situation. Though it was eccentric, they could at least go on at ease like this.
This was perhaps owing to the kind of people these members were.
Everyone still had the discomfort of anything that might happen.
Someone in them might go nuts or hurt others, threatening them.
Looking at what they are in, they had to keep a distance from each other; however, they could be together because they wanted to be together.
They could overcome this trial if they worked together with the same will.
Still, Inaba didn’t pay any heed to the encouragement of other members. Her attitude seemed to have become even more adamant in these two days.
Taichi started to feel a bit restless.
Although he told her that they would help her no matter what problem struck them, there wasn’t even a problem to start with, so they couldn’t take any further actions.
He hoped Inaba was being like this solely because she hadn’t yet adjusted to her feelings.
□■□■□
When everyone had arrived, they rode on the bus they booked and went to the hill they planned to go to.
Arriving at the foot of the hill, everyone had a challenge of going up the mountain within an hour. Be that as it may, their route was almost flat, and everyone could walk through easily and briskly.
If one had to ask what problems occurred along their way, it must be Nagase’s desire being unleashed while she went up the hill. Perhaps her desire of wanting to act like a spoilt child was unleashed, and thus she began complaining, “Ah. I don’t want to walk any more. I hate this. Carry me, Taichi,” and caught a tight grip on Taichi.
Also, the class teacher of class 1C, Gotou Ryuuzen, who shouldn’t even experience the unleashing of desires, said, “Gosh! How tiring it is to hike with a hangover. Help me, Inaba.” His words quickly made Inaba reproach him, “You should know that we’re having an outdoor learning activity! Walk properly, you pig-headed teacher!” However you put it, they seemed to have their roles reversed.
When they had arrived to the destination of their route, which was the middle of the hill where the facilities were situated, they started, in their groups, to cook curry—this was what they had to do, though some problems occurred.
Having heard of the staff’s explanation of the facilities, Fujishima Maiko explained what she heard to Taichi and her group mates.
“They say half of the groups can use the new furnaces and the new tables, whereas the other half needs to use the old ones.”
If they had booked ahead, they could also borrow other props aside from what the staff had prepared for them. But because the props had aged a lot and become cranky , they couldn’t repair all of them in time. Some of them were new ones, glittering, while others looked like old ones that would fall apart anytime.
Although the half of the facilities was enough for the class usually, but because of the extra amount of people here today, the demands couldn’t be met.
As such, the classes played rock-paper-scissors game on a class basis and let the winning classes use the new ones, and losing classes the old ones.
“Taichi. Do your best!”
“Taichi Yaegashi. If you lose, we’ll have to play a punishment game!”
“Fujishima. So we have to play a punishment games if he loses? Okay, you have to win, Yaegashi!”
Being encouraged by Nagase, Fujishima, and Watase (some of them threatening him), Taichi, on behalf of his group, challenged other groups to a rock-paper-scissors game.
“I said I was weak at this game...”
“Don’t worry, Taichi. You’re misfortune is used up!” said Nagase with a smile, a smile that believed deeply that Taichi would win, so bright Taichi couldn’t look at it directly.
When their group decided who would represent them, Taichi was chosen since he lost three times in a row (which was believed to be his refraining from using his luck to win).
“Hey. Taichi, you have to win.”
“Then why don’t you...Eh, Inaba?”
“I’m only talking to you. Why do you have to be so surprised?”
“N-No. Nothing.”
Inaba hadn’t struck a conversation with Taichi by herself for a long time. Was it because of the place they’re in? The outdoor learning activity clearly had some positive impact on them.
“But your words were filled with feelings,” murmured Taichi.
Inaba then had an unsatisfied look.
“Have you kept a close eye on that?”
Inaba pointed at the old table.
Perhaps it was because it hadn't been used recently that dried leaves accumulated on top of it.
“Are we going to use unhygienic facilities? We’re already cooking outdoors, you know!” Inaba rumbled lowly, balling her hands in agitation.
Inaba seemed to have bit of mysophobia.
At the end, Taichi lost the game.
Since they have to use the old and ragged furnace and the table, they had to first clean it before use.
Taichi was the first one to begin the cleaning duty, as he knew it was his fault.
He put all the trash into one bag and threw it into the trash field, happening to meet Inaba there too, who clicked her tongue and threw the trash violently, seemingly unsatisfied.
“Um...sorry,” Taichi apologised.
Inaba clicked her tongue again.
“Forget it. But why you are so weak at playing rock-paper-scissors? Didn’t you lose each time when you played with Iori and Watase? How unlucky can you be?”
Taichi wanted to ask this question too.
“Speaking of which, the results of the divination this morning told me my luck is the worst. Perhaps this has something to do with it. Oh? Is this a cliff? How dangerous.”
There was a steep slope beside the trash field.
“Anyone is bound to die if they fall down here. Don’t do that, unlucky guy.”
“Whom are you speaking to? Nobody would fall down there if they didn’t want to.”
“Is that so? Then why are you looking at me with such a malicious smile?”
“Eh. How do I put it. I feel that I haven’t chatted with you for ages.”
“What? I carelessly...wuaghh!”
Inaba’s blushed, her expression twisted in hate.
“Hey. You don’t have to reject us so much.”
“Stop talking!”
With that said, Inaba left immediately.
The groups had started cooking.
Under Fujishima’s commands, Taichi’s group worked for different things. Taichi, Nagase, and Inaba were responsible for handling the food. Fujishima made this arrangement of plans due to her obligation to safeguard the love and peace in the class.
Taichi washed the vegetables and cut them.
Nagase deliberately raised different topics, yet Inaba was reluctant to answer her, so their conversation didn’t last long.
Ever since Taichi had said that extra line, Inaba’s mood had been bad. Perhaps it was some kind of failure of her side?
Nagase endeavoured to alleviate tense atmosphere.
As Taichi felt it was also part of his fault, he looked for topics too.
“Nagase, you’re so skillful,” Taichi said a word of praise upon seeing Nagase handling the food so deftly.
“Pretty much. This is because I’ve done cooking a lot at home.”
Nagase’s actions were extremely fluent.
“Hey. Inaba, you’re a bit crude.”
Inaba slashed the vegetable knife swiftly with a large sound.
Rats. He had been too blunt.
“Taichi...”
Nagase looked at Taichi with her eyes white.
Inaba’s body shivered. And at the next instant, her long thin eyes widened.
Was her desire unleashed?
If it was, then it would be bad since she was holding the vegetable knife.
He had to come up front to cease her if anything were to happen, Taichi reminded himself, becoming vigilant.
“Taichi, don’t look down on me! I’m incredible when I get serious! Do you want to see it?”
Inaba closed in to Taichi.
Looking from her abruptness and her anger, Taichi could safely assume her desire had been unleashed. Nevertheless, what was wrong with her condition? Did saying her crude really make her this mad?
“Iori, you too. Don’t get all full of yourself upon having Taichi praising you!”
Strange enough, she switched her attention to Nagase.
“W-What?”
“You don’t have to play dumb! Let’s deal with it using this gherkin for the salad! Let’s see who will cut it faster! I’ll not lose! Taichi, if I win, then you have to admit you’re wrong! Okay, let’s start!”
Neglecting them completely, Inaba started to cut the gherkins.
At the same time, Fujishima, responsible for cooking the rice, came to have a check.
“Aye. Aren’t you guys getting on well with each other? It seems it was a great decision to assign you guys to the same group.”
How was it great? Taichi retorted in his heart.
Having cut around a third of the gherkins, Inaba stopped cutting abruptly.
Taichi and Nagase decided to look at her from the side, as she was holding a knife and cutting gherkins, but it seemed that her desires had stopped being unleashed.
“Let me chill out for a bit,” said Inaba, flustered.
“Please excuse yourself” said Taichi and Nagase in a unison.
After that, Taichi and Nagase worked together for a while.
Becoming worried about Inaba for not returning after a while, Taichi decided to look for her.
He went through the various groups who were busily making their food.
“Peel the skin off of the carrot!”
“Carrots taste good too with skin—no, they taste better with skin!”
“Yo. The fire’s too huge.”
“Hey. It’s burnt!”
Despite there were many complaining their jobs were tiring and troublesome, everyone seemed to be enjoying their work after they had started.
“Where had Inaba gone? Oh.”
He saw Kiriyama and Aoki in front of him.
They looked happy and joyful with their classmates.
At this moment, Aoki waved his hand to call for Kiriyama.
With a eager face, Kiriyama walked slowly to Aoki.
Aoki posed a stance of saying some private words to her, and in response, Kiriyama threw her hair behind her ears and stuck her ears towards Aoki.
Her actions were so natural it didn’t have a sign of doubt.
Aoki lowered his body as if he was to whisper to Kiriyama in an extremely close distance.
Kiriyama didn’t feel a bit of disgust, and having listened to what Aoki had said, she looked at Aoki, who looked back at her, and they burst in laughter.
If one were to witness this scene, they would never imagine that Kiriyama had a fear for boys.
One could only see the mutual, spiritual connection between Kiriyama and Aoki.
Thinking that it wouldn't be too good to bother them, Taichi didn’t come up to them to ask them the whereabouts of Inaba.
Even when he had gone through everywhere, Taichi still couldn’t find any traces of Inaba. As such, Taichi desperately returned to his pose, only to see Inaba had already returned. Oh, how he wished they had notified him earlier.
“Sorry. My phone couldn’t receive any signal,” Nagase apologised.
Inaba didn’t say anything but looked at Taichi with ‘it’s all your fault’ written on her face.
“Yaegashi. How can you slack off? So the burnt part of the rice will be yours to take. Oh, and I don’t mean the guoba[1]. The guoba will be evenly shared.”
Taichi was scolded by Fujishima and even had to bear the responsibility of the failure of their group.
Compared to other groups about to complete, Taichi’s group hadn’t even started.
“That’s about it, isn’t it? Fujishima,” said Watase lackadaisically due to his hunger.
“Not yet. Wait a little longer.”
Although he wasn’t sure why, he could see Fujishima had a peculiar persistence in making curry. She put in curry spices she specially made and even wanted to control the time of cooking to a precise level. She was overdoing what should be taken as a mere class activity.
“Do it quicker, Fujishima.”
Nagase was also getting hungry and tired.
“Wait a little longer. Just a little longer. Now we have to add the final spices...”
With that being said, Fujishima, however, didn’t do anything but look at her watch.
Having to be patient while your hunger was being stimulated by the scent of food cooking was like being tortured.
Though she said nothing, Inaba obviously looked extremely impatient too.
“Okay! We can start now!” Fujishima declared at last the permission for them to start.
Their stomachs completely empty and having already reached the limits of their hunger, Taichi and this group mates immediately poured curry onto their plates as if of one mind.
“Let’s eat!”
Everyone devoured the curry-soaked rice.
“It’s delicious!” everyone cried.
“The best spice is an empty stomach...no, let me correct that. It’s love!”
Leave aside the joke Fujishima had made, the curry was so delicious it was touching.
□■□■□
They then, around the table, ate curry together under the azure sky. Inaba Himeko listened silently to Taichi, Iori, Fujishima, and Watase’s joyous chatting. If someone were to throw the ball to Inaba, she would make a curt reply and continue to munch her curry slowly and delicately.
Inaba rose up and left, for those having finished their meal had to carry their plates to the washing table.
The curry that everyone made together was unexpectedly great—no, it was awesome.
“The curry is delicious. Inaban,” said Iori, who had already washed her plates, preparing to return to her seat.
“Yeah,” replied Inaba naturally.
Although they had a lot of chances to meet each other, which could lead them to dangerous situations, Inaba still bore it grudgingly and stood up afresh.
Glad, Iori’s tense face relaxed.
She had a smile that would cause those around her to be engulfed in happiness.
Inaba felt, from deep down in her heart, that it would be great to reside in that space with this ample smile.
Inaba placed her plate onto the washing table.
“Hey. Inaba! Are you bleeding?” asked Taichi, who had come up to her suddenly.
“Eh?”
Inaba spread her hands in shock, but didn’t know where he was talking about.
“Look. It’s here!”
Taichi caught her hands and bent it to another angle to let her see it.
“Ah...”
There was blood bleeding from a cut in her left index finger. When did this cut happen? Inaba had no idea.
“This isn’t the time to say ‘ah’!”
Taichi switched on the tap, took Inaba’s hand, and washed it forcibly.
“Hey. I can do it myself, you idiot!”
Inaba promptly withdrew her hand.
“Okay. You must be careful not to let any bacteria get inside.”
Watase called for Taichi at the same moment, so Taichi left Inaba's side.
What a busybody. How laughable.
Inaba stared at her left index finger. The wound looked as if it had originated a long time ago, as there was no blood coming out of it now.
The water that crashed on her finger should be icy-cold, yet her finger felt strangely hot—to the point that, perhaps, the water droplets on her finger would evaporate.
Her chest grieved.
[—]
Inaba lightly kissed her index finger.
Her finger as well as her lips felt the scorching heat, a temperature greater than her own.
Her whole body began to heat up.
Her chest felt so painful she was about to be go crazy.
Finally, Inaba lightly stowed away the feeling in her; and as regret came into her, she slowly removed her finger from her lips.
“Inaban, have you...”
Her heart beat rapidly; her blood flowed in a way as if it were flowing backwards.
Shivering, Inaba faced where the voice had come from.
Iori was standing there, glaring at her.
Her heartbeat sounded amplified; it became more and more difficult to breathe.
What did Iori witness?
What had she seen in me?
When did this start?
These pointless questions flew through her mind.
She knew it was pointless—pointless like an idiot.
Although she was being like this, she was, at the least, a woman.
The sense of a woman told her...
Iori started again, “Inaban, have you fallen in love with...”
It was found out.
After all, there were many things that would lead Iori to think that way. For example, the first events of this phenomenon were obvious implications.
Inaba covered the reason she pushed Taichi down by saying it was due to her desire for sex, that she would do the same thing regardless to whether or not it was Taichi.
But, to be honest, she wouldn’t really do the same thing to any other person.
Iori was about to finish her sentence.
Once she said that, the space Inaba tried to sustain would collapse in on itself.
It had, until now, been at a nearly ideal state.
Why?
She hated it. She wanted her to stop. She didn’t want to listen.
She didn’t want to be the culprit who had destroyed it. She wanted to continue protecting it.
Even though she believed she had no right to do this, this was her only mental pillar, and thus she had cherished it for a long time.
It was an important place to her.
She didn’t want to lose it.
She didn’t want everything to end.
She hoped it wouldn’t.
She had no idea what would happen were it to end.
So...so...so...
Inaba immediately ran away.
Deep down in the hills, the long and thin trees stood everywhere. As Inaba cleared a way through the bushes, a way that wasn’t the road she should be walking, she went to a place with a pile of dried leaves. The road was plain, and it was not hard to run on this ground.
Inaba neglected the calling sounds for her behind.
All she did was running. She ran for her life as if she had to pulverize the plants below her.
Should there be an obstacle in front of her, she would use the least steps to evade it and find the farthest place from she had been.
She could sense something was catching her.
Yet Inaba would never turn around. All she had to focus was the front.
She was so careless a person she wanted to puke at herself.
Why did she do such a rash thing?
Was it because of the unleashing of desires?
She felt she could hear the sound, but another feeling told her she didn’t.
The desire itself was stupid. Someone thinking like that meant his or her mind went wrong.
Had she been too careless? Or were her gut feelings weaker than what she had thought?
If only she had be more aware...
This feeling was all because of all these events that carried her away.
Her priority had already been set.
Her breathing was messed up.
Her throat was dry.
She wanted to vomit.
The ground she stepped on became even messier.
There were several times Inaba had almost tripped over.
Even so, she ran for her life regardless.
Why?
Was it just coincidence that she could hide it away in the days before?
Was hiding even possible under the effects of the unleashing of desire?
Would «Heartseed» snatch her place of accommodation away?
What was the most important thing she wanted to safeguard?
She was lucky to have such amiable friends despite her disgusting personality.
If only it could stay a bit longer...would there be a second opportunity that would pop up in her life?
There wouldn’t be one any more. She couldn’t fathom there would be.
People like her should be better off locked inside a sombre room.
She had always pursued things that she was unfit to have.
She had also understood that on one day, her strong, bold facade would rot, yet she felt she could still be able to keep it up to veil her ugly side.
She had always had a small dream—that if she were a strong, reliable person, she could stay with everyone.
Nevertheless, she had to meet her fate.
She had done so much to keep everything in its place, yet a big hole was created out of her expectation. Water flowed affluently from the hole, beyond her control.
The most important thing was to be with everyone.
Though a small wish, it could be already said as an unreasonable request for her.
Why did she still have to pursue things beyond this?
How ignorant she was.
Wasn’t it certain that greed would bring destruction?
If only she could have kept her distance during the unleashing of desires...if only she could have prevented herself from making mistakes, be unnoticed, and hide her past, then...
Her feelings grew stronger as she thought more about it. There would be a way, she hoped, that she could transcend what she was going through at the moment.
Be it as it may, why did she still...just why did she still...why...
What should she do if there were not a way to repair things back to normal?
Trying to escape the fear burdening her, Inaba ran with all her might.
She wished she could run to a place where there was no one else.
□■□■□
Escape. Escape. Escape.
Inaba felt that her failure could be erased if she were to run to a place with no ends.
Yet this was impossible.
She had to face the reality.
Lactic acid accumulated in her legs, and her lungs ached. Inaba stopped, at last, her knees felling onto the ground.
There was a small space, though narrow, between the tall trees.
Wasn’t this a place where there was no one else?
When Inaba tried to hallucinate, she was immediately disillusioned afterwards.
“Inaban...Inaba...Inaban!”
Although the voice was mixed with irregular breathing sounds, she could make it out it was calling for her.
Having a poor physical state, Inaba could never shake Iori off.
She couldn’t turn back yet.
Staring at the ground, Inaba put her concentration on regulating her breathing patterns.
Her mind was in a mess.
What should she do? What would happen? What would Iori do? Could she hide her past? Had Iori discovered it yet? What measure should she adopt? What were the chances it could succeed? Was there even a chance?
Various thoughts overlapped, unable to form a clear shape. Her mind had gone completely blank.
Sweat slid over her affluently, reaping away the heat in her as it evaporated.
Heat and cold was mixed in her body.
Whether it was her body or her brain, feelings swung everywhere, impossible to take form in such a short time. [2]
Regardless of her struggle, time flew ruthlessly, the swing in her mood slowly easing.
Iori had also calmed down.
“Hey. Why, Inaban, why...”
Iori’s agitated and trembling voice was the only sound drifting through them.
“Hey. Inaban. Have you...fallen in love...with Taichi too?”
No. Don’t ask. She didn’t want to listen.
She wanted to stuff her ears, but her body was stiff, and she couldn’t force her body to move.
There was no turning back.
While Inaba was unable to reply, the sound of crumpling leaves approached her.
A hand lay on her shoulder, and forced her to turn her head back.
Iori’s face entered her vague vision.
Iori, originally crying, became shocked upon seeing Inaba’s face.
What did she look like? Inaba didn’t even want to imagine.
“Why?” Iori murmured again and backed away a few steps, before falling flat on the ground.
“Is it because you always wanted Taichi and I to be together? Isn’t that what you always said to me? Why?”
Iori touched her forehead, vexed as to what expression to show.
“Of course I can sense that you also love Taichi...but is that love different from the love between friends?”
Her vision was distorted; she had almost let off a sobbing sound.
“Then why did you deliberately want Taichi to be with me? Do you plan to offer him to me?”
As Iori weaved her words, Inaba only shook her head in denial.
Inaba hadn’t thought of any such offering Iori was talking about. She only wanted to let those two be together. This was what she had decided from the very start.
“If you plan to offer him to me, then why are you still presenting such pain?”
Did she look like she was in immense pain? Most likely.
It was painful. It was really painful.
At this moment, Iori’s voice suddenly broke off.
Then, she stood up abruptly.
“What the hell! Explain it now, and clearly, Inaba Himeko!”
Iori suddenly changed to angry mode. Flames of fury were burning in her eyes.
Whatever the case, this was too sudden. Oh, had her desires been unleashed?
Nevertheless, thinking of this was useless. Whatever might have occurred, the person standing before her was still Nagase Iori.
“What the hell! What the hell! What the fucking hell!”
Ahah. The world she wanted to protect was gradually being torn apart.
“If you don’t make yourself clear right now, I won't be your friend anymore!”
Stop it. Don’t ever do that.
She couldn’t stand it any more.
“That’s...That’s because if I don’t do this, the five of us can't stay together any more...”
It was when Inaba spoke that she found out she was crying very dismally.
Tears slid down her cheeks.
“Why couldn’t we be together?”
Demanded for an answer, Inaba, sobbing, grudgingly squeezed out some words, “that’s because if boys and girls develop such strange relationships like love...conflicts will arise...and even result in the destruction of friendships!”
Inaba wasn’t certain of what would really happen. She hadn’t fallen in love with someone before, and she never had such a deep friendship with someone else. She didn’t trust anyone else in the world before.
This was because she had been alone until now.
“Aoki loves Yui, and Yui seems to have a similar inclination too. Iori, you want a person to support you; Taichi is here for this job. So wouldn’t everything be great if you could be with Taichi?”
If this happened, then the five could be together, and she could protect this important place.
Inaba was very fond of being with the other four. She was very fond of the place they created.
“What bullshit are you spouting? Are you an idiot!? How would everything be great? I couldn’t believe that you, Inaba Himeko, could think of something this stupid!”
Iori shouted in agitation, her feelings unveiled, exploding some emotions within Inaba.
Her feelings that were hidden until now were about to fill her and come out.
Inaba didn’t want to stop them from coming out any more.
“I had been alone! I had been alone for so long! But since I entered high school, I met people I could call friends, so, whatever the case, I didn’t want to lose them! Also, I didn’t have a single idea of what to do!”
She had felt lonely for a long time.
But then, she was not alone any more.
Once she knew how it felt when loneliness left her, she became afraid she would become lonely again.
Instantly stiffening, Iori looked at Inaba, her eyes blinking repeatedly.
Then, after easing her emotions for a while, she shouted at Inaba, her eyes sharp and wide, “I don’t care about that! Say you’re lonely when you are! If you’re so scared and worried you would lose everything, say it out loud! Not everyone in this world is as sharp as you! If you want slow-witted people to know how you feel, say it out loud! Even if you may feel embarrassed and perturbed, you still have to say it out loud!”
But how could she say it?
She couldn’t let others know her weak points.
She had to be the strong, capable Inaba Himeko; otherwise, others wouldn’t see her as necessary.
She also couldn’t mold the place to accommodate herself.
“Why did you do such stupid things without a word?”
“Th-Then, tell me what I should do!”
“Then do nothing, won't you!?” cried Iori, her hair swinging into a mess.
“How could I...How could I do that!? People like me who are so useless, so hated, so rubbish...”
People like me...
“Stop saying ‘people like me’! Don’t say that to yourself!”
“What can I do then? I’m not the nice guys you people are!”
“If not, then what should I, who loves Inaba Himeko the most, do!”
That being said by Iori, Inaba stopped breathing subconsciously; she might have even forgotten to breathe. [3]
She could only hear Iori’s agitated, panting voice.
“I love you the most, Inaban! I truly love you! If you don’t understand, I’ll say this until you understand! It’s not only me, everyone loves you!”
Would they be willing to say they love her, even after finding out what sort of person she really was?
How would...That’s only...
“The person you love was the fake Inaba Himeko who is strong and capable. She’s different from me, who’s weak and ugly.”
“I love Inaba, no matter how dismal she is! No, No, Inaban! Inaba Himeko is a even better person than Inaban...no, that isn’t what I'm trying to say either. That's not what I'm trying to say.”
Iori shook her head vigorously. In this conversation, Inaba had an illusory feeling that Iori’s exploding feelings were landing on her.
“Humans cannot be divided into good or bad! Humans cannot be separated with such a simple system, Inaban. How am I different from you? Aren’t we the same, Inaban? We’re the same, Inaban! Trust me! If I...If I look like a good person to you, then you should trust me, as the good person you think I am!”
Iori repeated herself to emphasise that Inaba was the same as her.
It was what she believed deep in her heart.
They weren't simply polite words to make her feel better, as she was in the state of her desires being unleashed.
It was about time to...
They were nearly there...
“It doesn’t matter, Inaban! Even if you don’t work so hard, I’ll still be your friend! No, to ‘be your friend’ sounds too awkward. I should say, I will be your friend forever! Please, let me be your friend for all the days to come!”
It wouldn’t hurt if she tried, now would it?
“Ahah. I, actually, I...I have long hoped for someone to say this to me...”
Tears naturally flowed out of her along with her words.
It didn’t matter whether or not she was the strong Inaba Himeko. It didn’t matter whether or not she was the dependable Inaba Himeko. Even if she was the poor, weak Inaba Himeko, it was fine.
There would still be people who would love her like that.
It wouldn’t matter if she believed in others and showed them what she really was, would it?
She could continue to get along with them as her authentic self, couldn’t she?
It was great to be able to think this at last.
“Thanks.”
Feelings of gratitude flowed out from the depths of her heart.
She might have hoped strongly for a long time of someone to be willing to say he or she loves her with such strong emotions.
She had nothing more to long for now.
It was enough for someone to be willing to say this to her.
“Thanks, Iori, for saying this to me, despite my worthlessness. But everything’s too late now. Look how we’ve ended up. There’s no way to change things back. My presence would only shackle your relationship with Taichi. Besides, I don’t want to destroy the inter-relationships of the club members, so I...can’t return to the clubroom...”
Her tears had stopped already without her realising.
“Why?” asked Iori.
Her eyes penetrated Inaba.
Had the unleashing of desires not ended yet?
Inaba’s body shivered, and she recommenced, “It’s because the atmosphere is one of such embarrassment we can’t treat each other like we did before.”
“Why did this happen?”
It was a cold and vigorous voice.
Iori continued, “No, I meant something before that. When you said that everything would be great when Aoki and Yui became a couple and Taichi and I became a couple. But, won’t it be great too if you become a couple with Taichi? Why don’t you do that?”
“No. This is because I thought it was great to do so ...you’re more fit with Taichi. You guys look like a pair fated by God. Besides, my feelings for Taichi aren't strong. Ah, right, saying that won’t work anymore...”
“Why do you still have to lie to yourself when we’ve got so far?” Iori cried with a voice as if blood will be pulled out from her throat.
“What lie...I didn’t...”
“Although I think this way is stupid, do you still want to do your best to protect the relationships among the five of us? Don’t you think this is more important than anything else?”
Right. Right, she was.
“But even if you knew this relationship might collapse, you still love Taichi—to a degree where you can’t stand it, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be in a situation like this!” Iori cried, causing grief to stir in Inaba’s chest.
This feeling she had. This thought she possessed. This pain that was about to crack open her chest...
“When you have two things you want, and when you’ll lose one thing when you choose the other, what will you choose, Inaba Himeko?”
Succumbing to Iori’s forceful voice, Inaba answered as a reflex, “I’ll certainly choose the one that is truly important.”
“No! Inaba Himeko, you should want to have both of them!”
Due to her excessive shouting, Iori’s voice became husky. Although her throat seemed to be in much pain, Iori still shouted. It was all for Inaba Himeko.
“If it’s you, you can do it! If it’s you, you can snatch away the boy your friend loves, but, at the same time, disperse the embarrassing atmosphere and let everything wrap up nicely! Once you decide on what to do, you do it! Whatever tragedies you’re in, you wouldn’t give up so easily; you would never give in! This is Inaba Himeko. This is the true Inaba Himeko! Arrogant, evil yet with a polite facade, controlling others for her own gain, willing to do anything to make what she said comes true...this is the true Inaba Himeko!”
What person was Inaba Himeko?
What person was Inaba Himeko hoping to become?
“Besides, even if you don’t do this...”
Iori stopped for a while, inhaled deeply, and pushed the air out with her whole body as if this was the last thing she would ever say, “The friendship between Nagase Iori and Inaba Himeko wouldn’t be destroyed from fighting over the man they love!”
Iori then made a deep breathe, and added with a calm face, “I believe our friendship isn’t so fragile. So, Inaban, you don’t have to be so wary of that. Come back to the clubroom! It doesn’t matter.”
Tears she should have ceased almost came out again, but Inaba endeavoured to stop them.
She bit her lips, sniveled, faced upwards, and wiped the tears that had accumulated in the corners of her eyes.
She was so weak she was helpless. She had always been loud and haughty to hide this.
She had been hiding it again and again, yet she couldn’t do it to the end.
She had always believed she was a useless person.
She lacked confidence in herself.
She hated herself.
Yet someone was willing to say she likes her despite her personality.
Someone was willing to cheer her up.
It might not be beneficial for Iori to say this, yet she did.
Iori was so strong. Inaba had been too belittling her.
Inaba wanted to be as strong as Iori.
Strong not only in appearance but also in heart.
This was the person she wanted to be.
Therefore, Inaba, moving her unsteady legs, stood up by herself, not asking for help from anyone else. She stood on the ground firmly, her back straight, her hands on her hips, and began speaking for the person who had said she loved her for herself.
“Okay! I understand! I don’t care if you will regret it! Don’t look down at me. If that’s what you said, then I’ll have to win flawlessly: to do my best and defeat you completely without leaving any aftermath !”
She almost cried while she had been saying this. Her words had been clumsy, yet she still had managed to make it to the end and without taking her eyes off of Iori. She stared at Iori, who was her rival in love, her comrade, and also her best friend.
With her back straight, Iori looked at Inaba and listened to her words. She gently showed a smile like a blooming flower.
The smile was so charismatic that, even as a female, Inaba had almost fallen in love with her.
“First things first, Inaban. I don’t plan to admit defeat or offer him to you! Or should I say, do you really think you can win against me?”
Having said that, Iori smiled like an arrogant child.
Inaba smiled along with her. How long had it been since she had showed a smile like this?
“There are many ways to win against a girl whose only tactic is her cute face,” replied Inaba.
“You’re being too mean,” said Iori, smiling.
“But if I really lose to you, I would do my best to prevent the embarrassment, especially in making less trouble for Taichi.”
She could do it. If it was her, she could do it. Let them see it, what she was capable of.
So she had to become greedy.
She had to say the things she wanted and think of ways to get it.
“Thanks! I’ll do my best too.”
Now was the first time the nervousness in her had eased since the unleashing of desires had started.
The nervousness she once had was due to her being scared that she would end up finding herself trouble if she let her guard down.
“By the way, Iori, you’re so radical.”
This was certainly surprising, although she wasn’t certain when the unleashing of desires started or ended.
Iori looked as if she didn’t expect she would say that and fell into contemplation. Then, she said lowly , “Is that...’me’?”
“Who knows? But from what you’ve said just now, it looks like the call you, Iori, have made from the depths of your heart.”
Iori showed a smile and nodded her assent slowly.
“Ah. Speaking of which, when was my desire unleashed? And when did it stop?”
Iori had her own agonies too. Although she had a strong side, she was basically moody.
She, Inaba, had to do something for Iori someday, Inaba thought.
Just at this moment...
The Iori in front of her suddenly lost her expression.
Normal people wouldn’t have this kind of a face printed on them.
Normally, this face would only appear on Gotou Ryuusen.
“Let me say this first: please don’t mistake me...” said «Heartseed», now taking the appearance of Nagase Iori.
“Stop messing around. What are you going to do?”
Inaba hadn’t seen this with her own eyes before, but she had heard from Taichi that «Heartseed» had entered Iori’s body and jumped into the river, which had caused Iori’s life to be at stake.
“Eh. I’m telling the truth. I don’t plan to come here, but...how should I put it...I think it’s more interesting to tell you now...correction: it’s better...”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
The blood vessels in her brain was about to explode in any second.
“There’s not much to it, really. I only want to make things more exciting. Strange, doesn’t it sound as if I didn’t explain anything? Forget it. It makes no difference. Let’s go back to where we were. Yaegashi fell down there by himself.”
Her mind became completely blank.
“I really didn’t do anything. That is what it is. What is that? A self-sacrificing idiot? That’s so brave. If I were him, I would have studied carefully what I would be going through before I did anything, but Yaegashi surely wouldn’t...ah.”
Inaba dashed off.
She used all her might to get back to the path she had been on.
Was it all right to leave Iori behind? This thought sprang into her mind, though she didn’t really care. Although it was unpleasant for her to believe in the words that came from the mouth of that guy, there wasn’t any need for him to be hostile or malicious towards them. He only wanted to make things a bit more interesting. Besides, he seemed to be in favour of them, so Iori wouldn’t just die like that.
Nevertheless, what about Taichi?
He was really an idiot—a real idiot. He was willing to do anything to help someone else. If his desire was unleashed, what would he face?
Upon hearing him say, fell down there, Inaba suddenly thought of that place.
There was a cliff beside it.
At the same time, she remembered the words she had said.
Would you really die this time?
Although uncertain of what happened to Taichi, she knew Taichi would do things for inexplicable reasons.
So Inaba used all her might to run.
Her lungs ached, her chest ached, her throat ached, her legs ached. When she fell down, her arm that hit the ground ached.
Although she once asked herself why she was doing her best to run, her legs just couldn’t stop.
She had no idea of where she was. Even whether she was on the right path was a mystery. If she had considered efficiency and reliability, she should have stopped for a while for a look around—this was what her calm, steady mind told her.
Be that as it may, her legs just couldn’t stop. Inaba let her painful legs advance repeatedly.
Covered with cuts and bruises, she imagined what she looked like to be so tragic it was unsightly. She must have looked like an idiot running with coarse movements. If someone were to see her, they would have likely laughed.
How unsightly. How embarrassing. She really wanted to stop immediately and take this easy. She didn’t want to be taken as an idiot, being looked down on, or make an impression of herself being weak. She hoped others could take her as being strong.
Various feelings rushed into her, but all of them vanished in an instant.
What was so good about caring about her appearance? Let those laughing laugh. The only thing she should care about is to let this impulse in her drive her forward. She should face her desires honestly! Face this honestly was also what she wanted to tell to her friends.
While she walked, the distance between the trees became more messy. She could see light in front of her and hear the sounds of people.
Having arrived, Inaba’s legs stopped suddenly.
Her disarrayed breathing was noisy, and her heartbeat was incredibly loud.
What was happening? She didn’t even know herself. As if her legs had grown roots, they didn’t move an inch.
Was she scared? Yes, she was scared. She was scared that when she had run here with all her might, no one would need her power. She was scared that perhaps she had already been abandoned.
She was also scared that others might look at her right now, and what she looked like to them would change. The image she had tried to sustain might collapse and looked down upon and stepped on.
She might be taken as useless and unnecessary.
And perhaps Taichi may not need her help even if she wanted to help.
These are yet other excuses.
She was trying to find excuses again, coming up with fallacious reasonings to deceive herself.
She had been escaping till now and had not yet showed her authentic self. Even when she was hurt, she would think she was hurt only on the surface, so it wouldn’t mind. She had been hiding her past all along.
Nevertheless, this also implied that she would never be able to pursue the thing she truly wanted the most.
This was why she had to face herself honestly now.
She had to have confidence in herself for the person she loved.
So, so, so...
Inaba dashed frontwards.
Accumulated stress, her legs trembled wearily; her knees didn’t listen to her any more, but she still advanced.
The brightness was gradually increased, and the sounds she could hear amplified.
Biting her lips, Inaba breathed in deeply with her nose.
Inaba looked around, finding everyone, who, having finished packing their lunch, were playing all sorts of ball games. Some of them spotted her and pointed.
Then, she caught a glimpse of Yaegashi lying on the long bench weakly and wearily.
Thanks to that guy, I'm aware of more things now.
If I could, I would wipe them away from my memory.
Nevertheless, it had been engraved in my heart so deep that I couldn’t just ignore it.
Even if I didn’t want it to happen, even if I wanted to wipe it away, it would cause pain in my chest regardless.
I had no right to to say it.
People like me shouldn’t have this feeling.
It was great to have a place to belong.
This was why I didn’t want to give it up.
If I were to express this feeling...no, I had to prevent that from happening.
This was because I wouldn’t be able to go back there once that happened.
The bonds that we held would collapse.
This was why I had to do everything to cover it up.
Could I bear it? Could I withstand it? Could I skimp them? Could I protect it?
In short, I didn’t want to destroy it.
□■□■□
Since Kiriyama had started coming to school, these three days flew very peacefully to the club members—at least this was what Taichi believed.
Although sometimes their desires were unleashed, problems that were induced were insignificant ones that wouldn’t leave scars behind.
Perhaps it was because of Taichi and the others had left the tensed situation they were trapped in that they could take things with the sense of ease, bringing a dramatically conducive effect.
The only problem was that Inaba still kept her distance from them.
Days flew, Friday arrived. It was on the day of outdoor learning.
The weather was bright, the sky calm.
Upon arriving at school, Taichi found out that a lot of students of the first grade had gathered in the sports field. They were wearing casual wear, which made it awkward, as they were seemingly at school.
The air was filled with anticipation and anxiety. There were only some girls complaining they had to walk, which restricted them from dressing themselves up with the degree of beauty they desired.
Upon finding his group, Taichi walked forward to them.
Nagase Iori was wearing a striped T-shirt along with a jacket with a soft khaki hoody and pants. It was because of her natural outfit instead of pretending to be mature that made her look like an adult, splendid and charming.
Kiriyama Yui was wearing a checkered loose shirt and one-piece dress along with snuggly denim jeans. Her outfit not only put the convenience of her activity of her account but also the unique elegancy of girls.
Inaba Himeko, on the other hand, wore clothes based on the black colour, having a sweater that clearly exposed the curvature of her body and pants that accentuated her slim and long legs. Although it was a simple outfit, it looked very trendy on Inaba, who had the potentials of a model. She looked like she would be in a commercial in a magazine.
Aoki Yoshifumi was wearing a hooded jacket.
The aforementioned people were the members of the Yamaboshi School.
“Good morning!” greeted Taichi, followed by everyone’s smiling replies.
Well, Inaba looked at him with a rigid face.
They were experiencing a serious situation. Though it was eccentric, they could at least go on at ease like this.
This was perhaps owing to the kind of people these members were.
Everyone still had the discomfort of anything that might happen.
Someone in them might go nuts or hurt others, threatening them.
Looking at what they are in, they had to keep a distance from each other; however, they could be together because they wanted to be together.
They could overcome this trial if they worked together with the same will.
Still, Inaba didn’t pay any heed to the encouragement of other members. Her attitude seemed to have become even more adamant in these two days.
Taichi started to feel a bit restless.
Although he told her that they would help her no matter what problem struck them, there wasn’t even a problem to start with, so they couldn’t take any further actions.
He hoped Inaba was being like this solely because she hadn’t yet adjusted to her feelings.
□■□■□
When everyone had arrived, they rode on the bus they booked and went to the hill they planned to go to.
Arriving at the foot of the hill, everyone had a challenge of going up the mountain within an hour. Be that as it may, their route was almost flat, and everyone could walk through easily and briskly.
If one had to ask what problems occurred along their way, it must be Nagase’s desire being unleashed while she went up the hill. Perhaps her desire of wanting to act like a spoilt child was unleashed, and thus she began complaining, “Ah. I don’t want to walk any more. I hate this. Carry me, Taichi,” and caught a tight grip on Taichi.
Also, the class teacher of class 1C, Gotou Ryuuzen, who shouldn’t even experience the unleashing of desires, said, “Gosh! How tiring it is to hike with a hangover. Help me, Inaba.” His words quickly made Inaba reproach him, “You should know that we’re having an outdoor learning activity! Walk properly, you pig-headed teacher!” However you put it, they seemed to have their roles reversed.
When they had arrived to the destination of their route, which was the middle of the hill where the facilities were situated, they started, in their groups, to cook curry—this was what they had to do, though some problems occurred.
Having heard of the staff’s explanation of the facilities, Fujishima Maiko explained what she heard to Taichi and her group mates.
“They say half of the groups can use the new furnaces and the new tables, whereas the other half needs to use the old ones.”
If they had booked ahead, they could also borrow other props aside from what the staff had prepared for them. But because the props had aged a lot and become cranky , they couldn’t repair all of them in time. Some of them were new ones, glittering, while others looked like old ones that would fall apart anytime.
Although the half of the facilities was enough for the class usually, but because of the extra amount of people here today, the demands couldn’t be met.
As such, the classes played rock-paper-scissors game on a class basis and let the winning classes use the new ones, and losing classes the old ones.
“Taichi. Do your best!”
“Taichi Yaegashi. If you lose, we’ll have to play a punishment game!”
“Fujishima. So we have to play a punishment games if he loses? Okay, you have to win, Yaegashi!”
Being encouraged by Nagase, Fujishima, and Watase (some of them threatening him), Taichi, on behalf of his group, challenged other groups to a rock-paper-scissors game.
“I said I was weak at this game...”
“Don’t worry, Taichi. You’re misfortune is used up!” said Nagase with a smile, a smile that believed deeply that Taichi would win, so bright Taichi couldn’t look at it directly.
When their group decided who would represent them, Taichi was chosen since he lost three times in a row (which was believed to be his refraining from using his luck to win).
“Hey. Taichi, you have to win.”
“Then why don’t you...Eh, Inaba?”
“I’m only talking to you. Why do you have to be so surprised?”
“N-No. Nothing.”
Inaba hadn’t struck a conversation with Taichi by herself for a long time. Was it because of the place they’re in? The outdoor learning activity clearly had some positive impact on them.
“But your words were filled with feelings,” murmured Taichi.
Inaba then had an unsatisfied look.
“Have you kept a close eye on that?”
Inaba pointed at the old table.
Perhaps it was because it hadn't been used recently that dried leaves accumulated on top of it.
“Are we going to use unhygienic facilities? We’re already cooking outdoors, you know!” Inaba rumbled lowly, balling her hands in agitation.
Inaba seemed to have bit of mysophobia.
At the end, Taichi lost the game.
Since they have to use the old and ragged furnace and the table, they had to first clean it before use.
Taichi was the first one to begin the cleaning duty, as he knew it was his fault.
He put all the trash into one bag and threw it into the trash field, happening to meet Inaba there too, who clicked her tongue and threw the trash violently, seemingly unsatisfied.
“Um...sorry,” Taichi apologised.
Inaba clicked her tongue again.
“Forget it. But why you are so weak at playing rock-paper-scissors? Didn’t you lose each time when you played with Iori and Watase? How unlucky can you be?”
Taichi wanted to ask this question too.
“Speaking of which, the results of the divination this morning told me my luck is the worst. Perhaps this has something to do with it. Oh? Is this a cliff? How dangerous.”
There was a steep slope beside the trash field.
“Anyone is bound to die if they fall down here. Don’t do that, unlucky guy.”
“Whom are you speaking to? Nobody would fall down there if they didn’t want to.”
“Is that so? Then why are you looking at me with such a malicious smile?”
“Eh. How do I put it. I feel that I haven’t chatted with you for ages.”
“What? I carelessly...wuaghh!”
Inaba’s blushed, her expression twisted in hate.
“Hey. You don’t have to reject us so much.”
“Stop talking!”
With that said, Inaba left immediately.
The groups had started cooking.
Under Fujishima’s commands, Taichi’s group worked for different things. Taichi, Nagase, and Inaba were responsible for handling the food. Fujishima made this arrangement of plans due to her obligation to safeguard the love and peace in the class.
Taichi washed the vegetables and cut them.
Nagase deliberately raised different topics, yet Inaba was reluctant to answer her, so their conversation didn’t last long.
Ever since Taichi had said that extra line, Inaba’s mood had been bad. Perhaps it was some kind of failure of her side?
Nagase endeavoured to alleviate tense atmosphere.
As Taichi felt it was also part of his fault, he looked for topics too.
“Nagase, you’re so skillful,” Taichi said a word of praise upon seeing Nagase handling the food so deftly.
“Pretty much. This is because I’ve done cooking a lot at home.”
Nagase’s actions were extremely fluent.
“Hey. Inaba, you’re a bit crude.”
Inaba slashed the vegetable knife swiftly with a large sound.
Rats. He had been too blunt.
“Taichi...”
Nagase looked at Taichi with her eyes white.
Inaba’s body shivered. And at the next instant, her long thin eyes widened.
Was her desire unleashed?
If it was, then it would be bad since she was holding the vegetable knife.
He had to come up front to cease her if anything were to happen, Taichi reminded himself, becoming vigilant.
“Taichi, don’t look down on me! I’m incredible when I get serious! Do you want to see it?”
Inaba closed in to Taichi.
Looking from her abruptness and her anger, Taichi could safely assume her desire had been unleashed. Nevertheless, what was wrong with her condition? Did saying her crude really make her this mad?
“Iori, you too. Don’t get all full of yourself upon having Taichi praising you!”
Strange enough, she switched her attention to Nagase.
“W-What?”
“You don’t have to play dumb! Let’s deal with it using this gherkin for the salad! Let’s see who will cut it faster! I’ll not lose! Taichi, if I win, then you have to admit you’re wrong! Okay, let’s start!”
Neglecting them completely, Inaba started to cut the gherkins.
At the same time, Fujishima, responsible for cooking the rice, came to have a check.
“Aye. Aren’t you guys getting on well with each other? It seems it was a great decision to assign you guys to the same group.”
How was it great? Taichi retorted in his heart.
Having cut around a third of the gherkins, Inaba stopped cutting abruptly.
Taichi and Nagase decided to look at her from the side, as she was holding a knife and cutting gherkins, but it seemed that her desires had stopped being unleashed.
“Let me chill out for a bit,” said Inaba, flustered.
“Please excuse yourself” said Taichi and Nagase in a unison.
After that, Taichi and Nagase worked together for a while.
Becoming worried about Inaba for not returning after a while, Taichi decided to look for her.
He went through the various groups who were busily making their food.
“Peel the skin off of the carrot!”
“Carrots taste good too with skin—no, they taste better with skin!”
“Yo. The fire’s too huge.”
“Hey. It’s burnt!”
Despite there were many complaining their jobs were tiring and troublesome, everyone seemed to be enjoying their work after they had started.
“Where had Inaba gone? Oh.”
He saw Kiriyama and Aoki in front of him.
They looked happy and joyful with their classmates.
At this moment, Aoki waved his hand to call for Kiriyama.
With a eager face, Kiriyama walked slowly to Aoki.
Aoki posed a stance of saying some private words to her, and in response, Kiriyama threw her hair behind her ears and stuck her ears towards Aoki.
Her actions were so natural it didn’t have a sign of doubt.
Aoki lowered his body as if he was to whisper to Kiriyama in an extremely close distance.
Kiriyama didn’t feel a bit of disgust, and having listened to what Aoki had said, she looked at Aoki, who looked back at her, and they burst in laughter.
If one were to witness this scene, they would never imagine that Kiriyama had a fear for boys.
One could only see the mutual, spiritual connection between Kiriyama and Aoki.
Thinking that it wouldn't be too good to bother them, Taichi didn’t come up to them to ask them the whereabouts of Inaba.
Even when he had gone through everywhere, Taichi still couldn’t find any traces of Inaba. As such, Taichi desperately returned to his pose, only to see Inaba had already returned. Oh, how he wished they had notified him earlier.
“Sorry. My phone couldn’t receive any signal,” Nagase apologised.
Inaba didn’t say anything but looked at Taichi with ‘it’s all your fault’ written on her face.
“Yaegashi. How can you slack off? So the burnt part of the rice will be yours to take. Oh, and I don’t mean the guoba[1]. The guoba will be evenly shared.”
Taichi was scolded by Fujishima and even had to bear the responsibility of the failure of their group.
Compared to other groups about to complete, Taichi’s group hadn’t even started.
“That’s about it, isn’t it? Fujishima,” said Watase lackadaisically due to his hunger.
“Not yet. Wait a little longer.”
Although he wasn’t sure why, he could see Fujishima had a peculiar persistence in making curry. She put in curry spices she specially made and even wanted to control the time of cooking to a precise level. She was overdoing what should be taken as a mere class activity.
“Do it quicker, Fujishima.”
Nagase was also getting hungry and tired.
“Wait a little longer. Just a little longer. Now we have to add the final spices...”
With that being said, Fujishima, however, didn’t do anything but look at her watch.
Having to be patient while your hunger was being stimulated by the scent of food cooking was like being tortured.
Though she said nothing, Inaba obviously looked extremely impatient too.
“Okay! We can start now!” Fujishima declared at last the permission for them to start.
Their stomachs completely empty and having already reached the limits of their hunger, Taichi and this group mates immediately poured curry onto their plates as if of one mind.
“Let’s eat!”
Everyone devoured the curry-soaked rice.
“It’s delicious!” everyone cried.
“The best spice is an empty stomach...no, let me correct that. It’s love!”
Leave aside the joke Fujishima had made, the curry was so delicious it was touching.
□■□■□
They then, around the table, ate curry together under the azure sky. Inaba Himeko listened silently to Taichi, Iori, Fujishima, and Watase’s joyous chatting. If someone were to throw the ball to Inaba, she would make a curt reply and continue to munch her curry slowly and delicately.
Inaba rose up and left, for those having finished their meal had to carry their plates to the washing table.
The curry that everyone made together was unexpectedly great—no, it was awesome.
“The curry is delicious. Inaban,” said Iori, who had already washed her plates, preparing to return to her seat.
“Yeah,” replied Inaba naturally.
Although they had a lot of chances to meet each other, which could lead them to dangerous situations, Inaba still bore it grudgingly and stood up afresh.
Glad, Iori’s tense face relaxed.
She had a smile that would cause those around her to be engulfed in happiness.
Inaba felt, from deep down in her heart, that it would be great to reside in that space with this ample smile.
Inaba placed her plate onto the washing table.
“Hey. Inaba! Are you bleeding?” asked Taichi, who had come up to her suddenly.
“Eh?”
Inaba spread her hands in shock, but didn’t know where he was talking about.
“Look. It’s here!”
Taichi caught her hands and bent it to another angle to let her see it.
“Ah...”
There was blood bleeding from a cut in her left index finger. When did this cut happen? Inaba had no idea.
“This isn’t the time to say ‘ah’!”
Taichi switched on the tap, took Inaba’s hand, and washed it forcibly.
“Hey. I can do it myself, you idiot!”
Inaba promptly withdrew her hand.
“Okay. You must be careful not to let any bacteria get inside.”
Watase called for Taichi at the same moment, so Taichi left Inaba's side.
What a busybody. How laughable.
Inaba stared at her left index finger. The wound looked as if it had originated a long time ago, as there was no blood coming out of it now.
The water that crashed on her finger should be icy-cold, yet her finger felt strangely hot—to the point that, perhaps, the water droplets on her finger would evaporate.
Her chest grieved.
[—]
Inaba lightly kissed her index finger.
Her finger as well as her lips felt the scorching heat, a temperature greater than her own.
Her whole body began to heat up.
Her chest felt so painful she was about to be go crazy.
Finally, Inaba lightly stowed away the feeling in her; and as regret came into her, she slowly removed her finger from her lips.
“Inaban, have you...”
Her heart beat rapidly; her blood flowed in a way as if it were flowing backwards.
Shivering, Inaba faced where the voice had come from.
Iori was standing there, glaring at her.
Her heartbeat sounded amplified; it became more and more difficult to breathe.
What did Iori witness?
What had she seen in me?
When did this start?
These pointless questions flew through her mind.
She knew it was pointless—pointless like an idiot.
Although she was being like this, she was, at the least, a woman.
The sense of a woman told her...
Iori started again, “Inaban, have you fallen in love with...”
It was found out.
After all, there were many things that would lead Iori to think that way. For example, the first events of this phenomenon were obvious implications.
Inaba covered the reason she pushed Taichi down by saying it was due to her desire for sex, that she would do the same thing regardless to whether or not it was Taichi.
But, to be honest, she wouldn’t really do the same thing to any other person.
Iori was about to finish her sentence.
Once she said that, the space Inaba tried to sustain would collapse in on itself.
It had, until now, been at a nearly ideal state.
Why?
She hated it. She wanted her to stop. She didn’t want to listen.
She didn’t want to be the culprit who had destroyed it. She wanted to continue protecting it.
Even though she believed she had no right to do this, this was her only mental pillar, and thus she had cherished it for a long time.
It was an important place to her.
She didn’t want to lose it.
She didn’t want everything to end.
She hoped it wouldn’t.
She had no idea what would happen were it to end.
So...so...so...
Inaba immediately ran away.
Deep down in the hills, the long and thin trees stood everywhere. As Inaba cleared a way through the bushes, a way that wasn’t the road she should be walking, she went to a place with a pile of dried leaves. The road was plain, and it was not hard to run on this ground.
Inaba neglected the calling sounds for her behind.
All she did was running. She ran for her life as if she had to pulverize the plants below her.
Should there be an obstacle in front of her, she would use the least steps to evade it and find the farthest place from she had been.
She could sense something was catching her.
Yet Inaba would never turn around. All she had to focus was the front.
She was so careless a person she wanted to puke at herself.
Why did she do such a rash thing?
Was it because of the unleashing of desires?
She felt she could hear the sound, but another feeling told her she didn’t.
The desire itself was stupid. Someone thinking like that meant his or her mind went wrong.
Had she been too careless? Or were her gut feelings weaker than what she had thought?
If only she had be more aware...
This feeling was all because of all these events that carried her away.
Her priority had already been set.
Her breathing was messed up.
Her throat was dry.
She wanted to vomit.
The ground she stepped on became even messier.
There were several times Inaba had almost tripped over.
Even so, she ran for her life regardless.
Why?
Was it just coincidence that she could hide it away in the days before?
Was hiding even possible under the effects of the unleashing of desire?
Would «Heartseed» snatch her place of accommodation away?
What was the most important thing she wanted to safeguard?
She was lucky to have such amiable friends despite her disgusting personality.
If only it could stay a bit longer...would there be a second opportunity that would pop up in her life?
There wouldn’t be one any more. She couldn’t fathom there would be.
People like her should be better off locked inside a sombre room.
She had always pursued things that she was unfit to have.
She had also understood that on one day, her strong, bold facade would rot, yet she felt she could still be able to keep it up to veil her ugly side.
She had always had a small dream—that if she were a strong, reliable person, she could stay with everyone.
Nevertheless, she had to meet her fate.
She had done so much to keep everything in its place, yet a big hole was created out of her expectation. Water flowed affluently from the hole, beyond her control.
The most important thing was to be with everyone.
Though a small wish, it could be already said as an unreasonable request for her.
Why did she still have to pursue things beyond this?
How ignorant she was.
Wasn’t it certain that greed would bring destruction?
If only she could have kept her distance during the unleashing of desires...if only she could have prevented herself from making mistakes, be unnoticed, and hide her past, then...
Her feelings grew stronger as she thought more about it. There would be a way, she hoped, that she could transcend what she was going through at the moment.
Be it as it may, why did she still...just why did she still...why...
What should she do if there were not a way to repair things back to normal?
Trying to escape the fear burdening her, Inaba ran with all her might.
She wished she could run to a place where there was no one else.
□■□■□
Escape. Escape. Escape.
Inaba felt that her failure could be erased if she were to run to a place with no ends.
Yet this was impossible.
She had to face the reality.
Lactic acid accumulated in her legs, and her lungs ached. Inaba stopped, at last, her knees felling onto the ground.
There was a small space, though narrow, between the tall trees.
Wasn’t this a place where there was no one else?
When Inaba tried to hallucinate, she was immediately disillusioned afterwards.
“Inaban...Inaba...Inaban!”
Although the voice was mixed with irregular breathing sounds, she could make it out it was calling for her.
Having a poor physical state, Inaba could never shake Iori off.
She couldn’t turn back yet.
Staring at the ground, Inaba put her concentration on regulating her breathing patterns.
Her mind was in a mess.
What should she do? What would happen? What would Iori do? Could she hide her past? Had Iori discovered it yet? What measure should she adopt? What were the chances it could succeed? Was there even a chance?
Various thoughts overlapped, unable to form a clear shape. Her mind had gone completely blank.
Sweat slid over her affluently, reaping away the heat in her as it evaporated.
Heat and cold was mixed in her body.
Whether it was her body or her brain, feelings swung everywhere, impossible to take form in such a short time. [2]
Regardless of her struggle, time flew ruthlessly, the swing in her mood slowly easing.
Iori had also calmed down.
“Hey. Why, Inaban, why...”
Iori’s agitated and trembling voice was the only sound drifting through them.
“Hey. Inaban. Have you...fallen in love...with Taichi too?”
No. Don’t ask. She didn’t want to listen.
She wanted to stuff her ears, but her body was stiff, and she couldn’t force her body to move.
There was no turning back.
While Inaba was unable to reply, the sound of crumpling leaves approached her.
A hand lay on her shoulder, and forced her to turn her head back.
Iori’s face entered her vague vision.
Iori, originally crying, became shocked upon seeing Inaba’s face.
What did she look like? Inaba didn’t even want to imagine.
“Why?” Iori murmured again and backed away a few steps, before falling flat on the ground.
“Is it because you always wanted Taichi and I to be together? Isn’t that what you always said to me? Why?”
Iori touched her forehead, vexed as to what expression to show.
“Of course I can sense that you also love Taichi...but is that love different from the love between friends?”
Her vision was distorted; she had almost let off a sobbing sound.
“Then why did you deliberately want Taichi to be with me? Do you plan to offer him to me?”
As Iori weaved her words, Inaba only shook her head in denial.
Inaba hadn’t thought of any such offering Iori was talking about. She only wanted to let those two be together. This was what she had decided from the very start.
“If you plan to offer him to me, then why are you still presenting such pain?”
Did she look like she was in immense pain? Most likely.
It was painful. It was really painful.
At this moment, Iori’s voice suddenly broke off.
Then, she stood up abruptly.
“What the hell! Explain it now, and clearly, Inaba Himeko!”
Iori suddenly changed to angry mode. Flames of fury were burning in her eyes.
Whatever the case, this was too sudden. Oh, had her desires been unleashed?
Nevertheless, thinking of this was useless. Whatever might have occurred, the person standing before her was still Nagase Iori.
“What the hell! What the hell! What the fucking hell!”
Ahah. The world she wanted to protect was gradually being torn apart.
“If you don’t make yourself clear right now, I won't be your friend anymore!”
Stop it. Don’t ever do that.
She couldn’t stand it any more.
“That’s...That’s because if I don’t do this, the five of us can't stay together any more...”
It was when Inaba spoke that she found out she was crying very dismally.
Tears slid down her cheeks.
“Why couldn’t we be together?”
Demanded for an answer, Inaba, sobbing, grudgingly squeezed out some words, “that’s because if boys and girls develop such strange relationships like love...conflicts will arise...and even result in the destruction of friendships!”
Inaba wasn’t certain of what would really happen. She hadn’t fallen in love with someone before, and she never had such a deep friendship with someone else. She didn’t trust anyone else in the world before.
This was because she had been alone until now.
“Aoki loves Yui, and Yui seems to have a similar inclination too. Iori, you want a person to support you; Taichi is here for this job. So wouldn’t everything be great if you could be with Taichi?”
If this happened, then the five could be together, and she could protect this important place.
Inaba was very fond of being with the other four. She was very fond of the place they created.
“What bullshit are you spouting? Are you an idiot!? How would everything be great? I couldn’t believe that you, Inaba Himeko, could think of something this stupid!”
Iori shouted in agitation, her feelings unveiled, exploding some emotions within Inaba.
Her feelings that were hidden until now were about to fill her and come out.
Inaba didn’t want to stop them from coming out any more.
“I had been alone! I had been alone for so long! But since I entered high school, I met people I could call friends, so, whatever the case, I didn’t want to lose them! Also, I didn’t have a single idea of what to do!”
She had felt lonely for a long time.
But then, she was not alone any more.
Once she knew how it felt when loneliness left her, she became afraid she would become lonely again.
Instantly stiffening, Iori looked at Inaba, her eyes blinking repeatedly.
Then, after easing her emotions for a while, she shouted at Inaba, her eyes sharp and wide, “I don’t care about that! Say you’re lonely when you are! If you’re so scared and worried you would lose everything, say it out loud! Not everyone in this world is as sharp as you! If you want slow-witted people to know how you feel, say it out loud! Even if you may feel embarrassed and perturbed, you still have to say it out loud!”
But how could she say it?
She couldn’t let others know her weak points.
She had to be the strong, capable Inaba Himeko; otherwise, others wouldn’t see her as necessary.
She also couldn’t mold the place to accommodate herself.
“Why did you do such stupid things without a word?”
“Th-Then, tell me what I should do!”
“Then do nothing, won't you!?” cried Iori, her hair swinging into a mess.
“How could I...How could I do that!? People like me who are so useless, so hated, so rubbish...”
People like me...
“Stop saying ‘people like me’! Don’t say that to yourself!”
“What can I do then? I’m not the nice guys you people are!”
“If not, then what should I, who loves Inaba Himeko the most, do!”
That being said by Iori, Inaba stopped breathing subconsciously; she might have even forgotten to breathe. [3]
She could only hear Iori’s agitated, panting voice.
“I love you the most, Inaban! I truly love you! If you don’t understand, I’ll say this until you understand! It’s not only me, everyone loves you!”
Would they be willing to say they love her, even after finding out what sort of person she really was?
How would...That’s only...
“The person you love was the fake Inaba Himeko who is strong and capable. She’s different from me, who’s weak and ugly.”
“I love Inaba, no matter how dismal she is! No, No, Inaban! Inaba Himeko is a even better person than Inaban...no, that isn’t what I'm trying to say either. That's not what I'm trying to say.”
Iori shook her head vigorously. In this conversation, Inaba had an illusory feeling that Iori’s exploding feelings were landing on her.
“Humans cannot be divided into good or bad! Humans cannot be separated with such a simple system, Inaban. How am I different from you? Aren’t we the same, Inaban? We’re the same, Inaban! Trust me! If I...If I look like a good person to you, then you should trust me, as the good person you think I am!”
Iori repeated herself to emphasise that Inaba was the same as her.
It was what she believed deep in her heart.
They weren't simply polite words to make her feel better, as she was in the state of her desires being unleashed.
It was about time to...
They were nearly there...
“It doesn’t matter, Inaban! Even if you don’t work so hard, I’ll still be your friend! No, to ‘be your friend’ sounds too awkward. I should say, I will be your friend forever! Please, let me be your friend for all the days to come!”
It wouldn’t hurt if she tried, now would it?
“Ahah. I, actually, I...I have long hoped for someone to say this to me...”
Tears naturally flowed out of her along with her words.
It didn’t matter whether or not she was the strong Inaba Himeko. It didn’t matter whether or not she was the dependable Inaba Himeko. Even if she was the poor, weak Inaba Himeko, it was fine.
There would still be people who would love her like that.
It wouldn’t matter if she believed in others and showed them what she really was, would it?
She could continue to get along with them as her authentic self, couldn’t she?
It was great to be able to think this at last.
“Thanks.”
Feelings of gratitude flowed out from the depths of her heart.
She might have hoped strongly for a long time of someone to be willing to say he or she loves her with such strong emotions.
She had nothing more to long for now.
It was enough for someone to be willing to say this to her.
“Thanks, Iori, for saying this to me, despite my worthlessness. But everything’s too late now. Look how we’ve ended up. There’s no way to change things back. My presence would only shackle your relationship with Taichi. Besides, I don’t want to destroy the inter-relationships of the club members, so I...can’t return to the clubroom...”
Her tears had stopped already without her realising.
“Why?” asked Iori.
Her eyes penetrated Inaba.
Had the unleashing of desires not ended yet?
Inaba’s body shivered, and she recommenced, “It’s because the atmosphere is one of such embarrassment we can’t treat each other like we did before.”
“Why did this happen?”
It was a cold and vigorous voice.
Iori continued, “No, I meant something before that. When you said that everything would be great when Aoki and Yui became a couple and Taichi and I became a couple. But, won’t it be great too if you become a couple with Taichi? Why don’t you do that?”
“No. This is because I thought it was great to do so ...you’re more fit with Taichi. You guys look like a pair fated by God. Besides, my feelings for Taichi aren't strong. Ah, right, saying that won’t work anymore...”
“Why do you still have to lie to yourself when we’ve got so far?” Iori cried with a voice as if blood will be pulled out from her throat.
“What lie...I didn’t...”
“Although I think this way is stupid, do you still want to do your best to protect the relationships among the five of us? Don’t you think this is more important than anything else?”
Right. Right, she was.
“But even if you knew this relationship might collapse, you still love Taichi—to a degree where you can’t stand it, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be in a situation like this!” Iori cried, causing grief to stir in Inaba’s chest.
This feeling she had. This thought she possessed. This pain that was about to crack open her chest...
“When you have two things you want, and when you’ll lose one thing when you choose the other, what will you choose, Inaba Himeko?”
Succumbing to Iori’s forceful voice, Inaba answered as a reflex, “I’ll certainly choose the one that is truly important.”
“No! Inaba Himeko, you should want to have both of them!”
Due to her excessive shouting, Iori’s voice became husky. Although her throat seemed to be in much pain, Iori still shouted. It was all for Inaba Himeko.
“If it’s you, you can do it! If it’s you, you can snatch away the boy your friend loves, but, at the same time, disperse the embarrassing atmosphere and let everything wrap up nicely! Once you decide on what to do, you do it! Whatever tragedies you’re in, you wouldn’t give up so easily; you would never give in! This is Inaba Himeko. This is the true Inaba Himeko! Arrogant, evil yet with a polite facade, controlling others for her own gain, willing to do anything to make what she said comes true...this is the true Inaba Himeko!”
What person was Inaba Himeko?
What person was Inaba Himeko hoping to become?
“Besides, even if you don’t do this...”
Iori stopped for a while, inhaled deeply, and pushed the air out with her whole body as if this was the last thing she would ever say, “The friendship between Nagase Iori and Inaba Himeko wouldn’t be destroyed from fighting over the man they love!”
Iori then made a deep breathe, and added with a calm face, “I believe our friendship isn’t so fragile. So, Inaban, you don’t have to be so wary of that. Come back to the clubroom! It doesn’t matter.”
Tears she should have ceased almost came out again, but Inaba endeavoured to stop them.
She bit her lips, sniveled, faced upwards, and wiped the tears that had accumulated in the corners of her eyes.
She was so weak she was helpless. She had always been loud and haughty to hide this.
She had been hiding it again and again, yet she couldn’t do it to the end.
She had always believed she was a useless person.
She lacked confidence in herself.
She hated herself.
Yet someone was willing to say she likes her despite her personality.
Someone was willing to cheer her up.
It might not be beneficial for Iori to say this, yet she did.
Iori was so strong. Inaba had been too belittling her.
Inaba wanted to be as strong as Iori.
Strong not only in appearance but also in heart.
This was the person she wanted to be.
Therefore, Inaba, moving her unsteady legs, stood up by herself, not asking for help from anyone else. She stood on the ground firmly, her back straight, her hands on her hips, and began speaking for the person who had said she loved her for herself.
“Okay! I understand! I don’t care if you will regret it! Don’t look down at me. If that’s what you said, then I’ll have to win flawlessly: to do my best and defeat you completely without leaving any aftermath !”
She almost cried while she had been saying this. Her words had been clumsy, yet she still had managed to make it to the end and without taking her eyes off of Iori. She stared at Iori, who was her rival in love, her comrade, and also her best friend.
With her back straight, Iori looked at Inaba and listened to her words. She gently showed a smile like a blooming flower.
The smile was so charismatic that, even as a female, Inaba had almost fallen in love with her.
“First things first, Inaban. I don’t plan to admit defeat or offer him to you! Or should I say, do you really think you can win against me?”
Having said that, Iori smiled like an arrogant child.
Inaba smiled along with her. How long had it been since she had showed a smile like this?
“There are many ways to win against a girl whose only tactic is her cute face,” replied Inaba.
“You’re being too mean,” said Iori, smiling.
“But if I really lose to you, I would do my best to prevent the embarrassment, especially in making less trouble for Taichi.”
She could do it. If it was her, she could do it. Let them see it, what she was capable of.
So she had to become greedy.
She had to say the things she wanted and think of ways to get it.
“Thanks! I’ll do my best too.”
Now was the first time the nervousness in her had eased since the unleashing of desires had started.
The nervousness she once had was due to her being scared that she would end up finding herself trouble if she let her guard down.
“By the way, Iori, you’re so radical.”
This was certainly surprising, although she wasn’t certain when the unleashing of desires started or ended.
Iori looked as if she didn’t expect she would say that and fell into contemplation. Then, she said lowly , “Is that...’me’?”
“Who knows? But from what you’ve said just now, it looks like the call you, Iori, have made from the depths of your heart.”
Iori showed a smile and nodded her assent slowly.
“Ah. Speaking of which, when was my desire unleashed? And when did it stop?”
Iori had her own agonies too. Although she had a strong side, she was basically moody.
She, Inaba, had to do something for Iori someday, Inaba thought.
Just at this moment...
The Iori in front of her suddenly lost her expression.
Normal people wouldn’t have this kind of a face printed on them.
Normally, this face would only appear on Gotou Ryuusen.
“Let me say this first: please don’t mistake me...” said «Heartseed», now taking the appearance of Nagase Iori.
“Stop messing around. What are you going to do?”
Inaba hadn’t seen this with her own eyes before, but she had heard from Taichi that «Heartseed» had entered Iori’s body and jumped into the river, which had caused Iori’s life to be at stake.
“Eh. I’m telling the truth. I don’t plan to come here, but...how should I put it...I think it’s more interesting to tell you now...correction: it’s better...”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
The blood vessels in her brain was about to explode in any second.
“There’s not much to it, really. I only want to make things more exciting. Strange, doesn’t it sound as if I didn’t explain anything? Forget it. It makes no difference. Let’s go back to where we were. Yaegashi fell down there by himself.”
Her mind became completely blank.
“I really didn’t do anything. That is what it is. What is that? A self-sacrificing idiot? That’s so brave. If I were him, I would have studied carefully what I would be going through before I did anything, but Yaegashi surely wouldn’t...ah.”
Inaba dashed off.
She used all her might to get back to the path she had been on.
Was it all right to leave Iori behind? This thought sprang into her mind, though she didn’t really care. Although it was unpleasant for her to believe in the words that came from the mouth of that guy, there wasn’t any need for him to be hostile or malicious towards them. He only wanted to make things a bit more interesting. Besides, he seemed to be in favour of them, so Iori wouldn’t just die like that.
Nevertheless, what about Taichi?
He was really an idiot—a real idiot. He was willing to do anything to help someone else. If his desire was unleashed, what would he face?
Upon hearing him say, fell down there, Inaba suddenly thought of that place.
There was a cliff beside it.
At the same time, she remembered the words she had said.
Would you really die this time?
Although uncertain of what happened to Taichi, she knew Taichi would do things for inexplicable reasons.
So Inaba used all her might to run.
Her lungs ached, her chest ached, her throat ached, her legs ached. When she fell down, her arm that hit the ground ached.
Although she once asked herself why she was doing her best to run, her legs just couldn’t stop.
She had no idea of where she was. Even whether she was on the right path was a mystery. If she had considered efficiency and reliability, she should have stopped for a while for a look around—this was what her calm, steady mind told her.
Be that as it may, her legs just couldn’t stop. Inaba let her painful legs advance repeatedly.
Covered with cuts and bruises, she imagined what she looked like to be so tragic it was unsightly. She must have looked like an idiot running with coarse movements. If someone were to see her, they would have likely laughed.
How unsightly. How embarrassing. She really wanted to stop immediately and take this easy. She didn’t want to be taken as an idiot, being looked down on, or make an impression of herself being weak. She hoped others could take her as being strong.
Various feelings rushed into her, but all of them vanished in an instant.
What was so good about caring about her appearance? Let those laughing laugh. The only thing she should care about is to let this impulse in her drive her forward. She should face her desires honestly! Face this honestly was also what she wanted to tell to her friends.
While she walked, the distance between the trees became more messy. She could see light in front of her and hear the sounds of people.
Having arrived, Inaba’s legs stopped suddenly.
Her disarrayed breathing was noisy, and her heartbeat was incredibly loud.
What was happening? She didn’t even know herself. As if her legs had grown roots, they didn’t move an inch.
Was she scared? Yes, she was scared. She was scared that when she had run here with all her might, no one would need her power. She was scared that perhaps she had already been abandoned.
She was also scared that others might look at her right now, and what she looked like to them would change. The image she had tried to sustain might collapse and looked down upon and stepped on.
She might be taken as useless and unnecessary.
And perhaps Taichi may not need her help even if she wanted to help.
These are yet other excuses.
She was trying to find excuses again, coming up with fallacious reasonings to deceive herself.
She had been escaping till now and had not yet showed her authentic self. Even when she was hurt, she would think she was hurt only on the surface, so it wouldn’t mind. She had been hiding her past all along.
Nevertheless, this also implied that she would never be able to pursue the thing she truly wanted the most.
This was why she had to face herself honestly now.
She had to have confidence in herself for the person she loved.
So, so, so...
Inaba dashed frontwards.
Accumulated stress, her legs trembled wearily; her knees didn’t listen to her any more, but she still advanced.
The brightness was gradually increased, and the sounds she could hear amplified.
Biting her lips, Inaba breathed in deeply with her nose.
Inaba looked around, finding everyone, who, having finished packing their lunch, were playing all sorts of ball games. Some of them spotted her and pointed.
Then, she caught a glimpse of Yaegashi lying on the long bench weakly and wearily.
