[ Is the person I am on the surface real?
Or is the person I am on the inside the one?
Which one is it!?
I can't keep up with my perfect display any more. I can't do it. I've already reached my limit.
The answer to which is real doesn't even exist to begin with.
I have only one path left to take. ]
□■□■□
Aoki Yoshifumi suddenly awoke and peered around.
Morning. On his bed. In his room, like usual.
"...A dream? But... it didn't feel like one..."
He thought he had been looking at someone's 'sentiment' just then... or had he?
And it seemed to be one from Nagase Iori.
He couldn't remember it clearly, but that sentiment, or the lingering shreds of it, remained heavy in his chest.
"Could it be... 'Sentiment Transmission'?"
It felt different than usual. This might be something that happens while asleep——Aoki deduced on his own.
Even though «Heartseed» had given them detailed explanations, they had long learned their lesson not to trust him word for word.
...To think that he was pondering about 'Sentiment Transmission' so casually made him feel disgusted. «Heartseed's» phenomena had pretty much become part of his life... he cringed at the thought of that. But he decided to put that aside for now.
Should he talk with the others about Iori's issue? She seemed to be driving herself into a wall over something. But there was a chance that he was the only one who received that tranmission, and revealing somebody else's feelings to others like that might make the situation worse.
"What should I do then...? But, Iori-chan did seem a bit off yesterday."
"Screw phenomena, we'll just ignore it!" That was their decision since the start, but things certainly wouldn't go their way that smoothly.
Somebody was bound to get hurt.
Even Aoki himself, whom people believed to have nothing to hide (he too believed that this was his selling point), would occasionally worry about his thoughts being heard without warning. There were things that he would keep to himself according to situations; and then there were nasty things due to anger, or dirty things.
However, he would work with others together and overcome this phenomenon. This had been his resolution.
In this scenario, he would simply do what he does best.
In other words, he would work hard to maintain his 'usual self.'
He would move onwards at full force.
Let's fight for the best today! Especially for the club presentation, gotta bring my best! And the finals... Ack, I'd love not to think about those.
[ Hmm~ should I have another bowl? Ever since returning to the dojo, I've been getting hungry a lot. But I've already taken half of Anzu's side dish... Hmm~ ...Go for it! ]
High in spirits from the morning as usual today, Yui.
□■□■□
"Oh, I'm the last... No wait, Nagase hasn't come yet?"
Yaegashi Taichi entered the club room.
That made Iori the only one who had not arrived yet.
Kiriyama Yui had to go to the dojo yesterday, Taichi, Inaba, and Iori had to be late as well. But all five of them were expected to be here without problem today.
"Oh right, Kiriyama, thanks for your gift yesterday. It tasted great."
"Mhm, you're welcome."
Taichi brought up the landmine topic from two days ago; it seemed to be taken care of. Aoki figured he could relax a little now.
"Ah, so Yui did give Taichi one as well. Was it a chocolate piece like the ones you gave to the boys in class? I haven't tried it since mine was different~"
Believing his own to be the 'honmei chocolate', Aoki asked with a sense of superiority.
"Chocolate piece? Wasn't it like a cake piece?"
"Wa—Wait Taichi!"
Yui panicked and peeked towards Aoki.
"Eh? Cake piece? Wasn't it the same as mine then...?"
"It—It was giri! Obligatory! It barely counts as obligatory!" [1]
"B—Barely counts?"
So it was something similar to obligatory but not quite obligatory... No, it had to be obligatory! Even if it barely counted as obligatory, it was still obligatory! Hmm? But Taichi got the same thing as I did... Did that mean mine was obligatory too!? Nooooo!
"I—I thought it was honmei..."
Aoki wondered if he had jumped to conclusions too soon.
"Y—Yours had..."
Yui waved her hands nervously, her face blushing.
"...an extra strawberry on top."
"Yes——! I won by an extra strawberry! I won!"
Considering his opponent was Taichi, it was a huge difference. Aoki decided to embrace it as a major victory.
"It's just a single strawber... Er, never mind."
Taichi wanted to say something, but stopped short.
Stop looking at me with that sympathising expression already.
Truth be told, Aoki knew that single strawberry was probably just added on a whim.
...No, he was pretty sure it was!
"By the way, from my standpoint, I can't pretend I didn't see this you know."
Inaba Himeko stared at Yui with her eyes narrowed.
"W-Why?"
"To be honest I have zero concern about whether Aoki dies from utter despair or not——"
"You don't have to emphasise it that way, Inaba-chan!"
Please show a little more concern about Aoki Yoshifumi-kun!
"——But if the one you gave Taichi was specially made..."
"I-It was only because I was always indebted to Taichi and Aoki for their help, so I spent a little more time on theirs. That's it, I swear!"
"Reeeeeally?"
"Yes really! It's not because I li—like Taichi or anything! Ah, I like him very much as a friend of course."
"By 'very' you mean..."
"I mean nothing in particular, honest!"
Hearing Yui and Inaba's conversation, Aoki could certainly feel that Inaba's earlier words were no false claims.
"Inaba-chan, you really do like Taichi."
It wasn't a simple liking towards a friend, but rather an affectionate liking towards the one she loved.
Aoki used to think that she only enjoyed teasing Taichi.
"Hmph, you have a problem with that?"
"No, of course not! Captain Inaba!"
S—So aboveboard! Aoki felt that his defining trait was threatened. He wondered whether he should firmly proclaim that as his patent speciality.
"...If only you weren't such a dummy. Sigh... I suppose being dumb has its own merits..."
"Hm? Yui, did you say something?"
Aoki did not hear clearly and inquired, but Yui merely said "Nothing."
Inaba spoke:
"Speaking of which, Yui, you gave chocolate to the boys at the dojo too, right?"
"Those were just giri-choco. Hey, you should have already known that through 'Sentiment Transmission'."
Yui had recovered from her androphobia, Aoki could make such a claim now.
It was something worth rejoicing for.
"Not that I'm questioning your hard work, but I gotta mention it just in case you ended up as a playgirl, you know?"
"Who are you calling a playgirl!?"
Yui stood up and slammed the table.
"This is a very troubling problem for me too you know!?"
Emergency! Emergency!
"Oh... Now that you mentioned it, when Kiriyama was practising karate yesterday, she was thinking something like 'That kid's stance was kinda cool', 'That guy looked kinda handsome from the side' etc..."
"Taichi! Taichi! Taichi stop saying unnecessary things with an innocent expression on your face!"
"That is indeed a very troubling problem for me! Should I start visiting the dojo too!?"
"It's not like that! I was approaching a group of girls and they were having a conversation about 'Which of the boys was more handsome', so I tried to think of something to join in..."
"In other words, you were eyeing up guys. ...What a whore."
"AM NOT————————!"
As Yui was protesting against Inaba's vulgarity, the door swung open.
Nagase Iori arrived at the club room.
All conversations came to a stop, and the room fell silent.
"Well then, wagering on the life and death of CRC... Okay maybe I'm over exaggerating, but anyway, in order to compete for a convenient advisor for our club, let's think about what to present at the presentation event. After all, we didn't really come up with anything useful yesterday."
Headed by Inaba, the group began their discussion.
Everything was as usual up until this point.
However, Iori, who would normally be the most eager one to voice her opinion, remained silent the whole time.
Her face was impassive, expressionless too.
The air felt as though it was being disrupted by a mismatched, disarranged tune.
Aoki did not know how to cope with it.
Who used to be the bright, cheering sun among them was now overcast by black clouds. Darkness shrouded the CRC club room.
However, this was exactly the time for him to take action.
"I got an idea! Why don't we have the girls cosplay and seduce the male teachers and student council members among the judg— Ack!?"
Aoki was kicked mercilessly in the leg.
"I think having you dance naked and score some sympathy points from the judges isn't a half bad idea either."
Yui said and gave Aoki a gentle look, to which he grinned.
...Though if she understood his intention, he wished she had kicked him a little more gently.
"Hmm," Inaba nodded and spoke, "I like your strategic approach regarding 'how to score points from the judges'. In fact, we'll be needing this strategy. Well then, why don't we share the information that we've gathered individually? Taichi, how did yours go?"
"Er, let's start with what I heard from Shiroyama from the Jazz Band. Since they have to finish their performance within the fifteen-minute time limit, they're currently practising on setting up the equipment in order to optimise their performance."
"Then, suppose we can fully utilize those fifteen minutes for our presentation, wouldn't that be advantageous for us?"
Yui raised a question.
"No, not quite. Due to the overwhelming number of clubs during the event, the presentations pretty much proceed back to back without break. If the presentation or performance dragged on for too long, it may leave a bad taste in the judges' mouth."
Aoki heard this from some of his friends as well.
"Allegedly there was a club that tried to exploit this last year, and compressed their presentation into a five-minute show and said for the remaining time: 'Break time! We'd like to invite everyone to take a breather and use the bathroom before the next club's performance!'... Though they didn't score anything spectacular."
It seemed they would need to put a lot of work into the presentation; the strategies behind it were very deep as well.
"I heard the Jazz Band's plan is to report their activities throughout the year while setting up the equipment, and then proceed to their performance and pack up afterwards. The entire procedure will be completed within thirteen minutes."
"Oh~" Yui seemed impressed.
"I've asked my friend from one of the athletic clubs. She said they usually only spend about three to five minutes to do a quick oral report and end it right there. After all there isn't much an athletic club can do on stage besides reporting some of its accomplishments during competitions and events. On the other hand, culture clubs spend a lot more effort into their presentations."
"Indeed." Inaba replied. "After all, for clubs that don't really have options like participating events, it's difficult to objectively evaluate them based on accomplishments. The deciding factor here would be how well you impress the judges; allegedly you would get a much better treatment that way."
I see, Aoki thought to himself. So even without Gotou's issue, the presentation event is still very significant for the CRC.
He proceeded to report his findings:
"Ah, it seems the Art Club does a live drawing performance every year——"
They continued to exchange info, and then began discussing their presentation's content. Taichi was the first to voice his opinion.
"Our primary club activity is publishing the «Cultural Research News», so I think the most suitable plan would be to present an expanded edition of the «Cultural Research News». Its content could consist of what we believe to be the best articles that we've published before."
"This does sound like a straightforward plan, but would we be able to beat the Jazz Band with that?"
As Yui answered, Aoki spoke as well:
"If we don't come up with something that can surpass that kind of performance of theirs, we'll lose Go-san to them."
The situation was tight, but the CRC had someone who could, no matter what crisis they were in, show them the light and lead them to victory: their prized tactician, her name was——
"Needless to say, the judges would consider the genre difference between our club activities. However, there is no denying that the difference in terms of impact is too great. If we only present our articles, the judges would most likely go 'Hmm, okay' and forget about it right away. Hence, we need to come up with something different."
——Inaba Himeko, the vice president of the Cultural Research Club.
"One option for us is, produce something that 'takes time and effort' strictly for the presentation event. If we have a product that was made specially for the event, that alone would leave them with a decent impression. Furthermore, if it was something that takes a considerable amount of effort to make, then those teachers who love old-school sayings like 'The end result is not important, the effort in the process is!' would certainly give us a high score, don't you think? Kekeke~!"
"...If they knew of such devious motive behind that, the teachers would feel very disappointed."
Taichi whispered to himself quietly.
Everyone discussed passionately. Words like "This isn't right!" "That's no good!" sounded through the air. All kinds of proposals were suggested and rejected.
"What about a map with recommended points of interest around the school?"
As they neared the end of discussion, Yui came up with an idea.
"While it isn't what we usually report about, it's still something we would investigate, interview, write, and publish as a report. If we treat it as a special edition of «Cultural Research News», then I think it would work nicely."
Taichi said, to which Aoki echoed:
"This kind of report is pretty practical, the teachers and student council members would like it."
Inaba added:
"And if we used extra large paper, and make it into something that would immediately be recognized as hand-crafted work, it seems that we could leave a good impression on the teachers."
The more they thought about it the more they were convinced that this was a great topic for their club presentation. Hence, the CRC decided to create a map with recommended points of interest around the school. They did not set a limit on what they would report about. Dining spots, shops or recreational areas could all be considered, provided those were places that weren't well known to most people. The group decided that they would organise and print all this information on several sheets of paper vellum, and present them in the form of oral report on stage. They had also planned to make booklets for distribution to spectators at the event.
"How are we going to make the map though? Even if we refer to the magazines and tourist maps, there aren't many that write about our town."
Yui pondered with her hands crossed at her chest, to which Inaba responded:
"There should be some local magazines for that. We can try look those up... But that won't be enough, we gotta do first-hand investigation on the fields... Oi, that sounds surprisingly troublesome."
"Don't feel troubled, Inaba. It only means we can create a report of considerable quality, doesn't it?"
"Yes, yes, sounds just like something the hard worker Taichi-kun would say. I'm trying to put our focus on how to efficiently yield the maximum results while using minimum amount of labour."
"But the most important thing is to earn a high score from the judges right?"
"...Aoki, your point is entirely valid; so valid it's infuriating."
"Don't be infuriated if it's valid then, Inaba-chan!"
Thus, as the CRC slowly approached the end of the class year, this would be their first formal piece of presented work, and not just a casual publishing of everyone's interests. Not to mention, they were betting with the fate of the whole club.
Inaba — who kept grumbling "So much work!" — included, everyone was very enthusiastic about the club presentation.
Aoki wanted to say 'everyone was'... However, Iori barely said a word.
When they asked her for opinions, she would answer 'Ah,' 'Hard to say,' or 'Sounds good' and such, but she showed no sign of actively engaging in the discussion.
Something was obviously off with Iori.
After the group had decided on their respective tasks...
"Um, Iori..."
Visibly concerned, Inaba tried to converse with Iori. Now that Aoki thought of it, the fact that Inaba didn't call out on Iori's attitude this whole time was suspicious. Normally she would be the first to inquire.
Why was that? Did Inaba, like him, know about Iori's heavy, dark, and seemingly untouchable inner world?
"...Seriously, is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"But you're reacting so differently."
"Does it always have to be the same?"
[ This is certainly the trickiest part. ]
Iori's inner voice came to Aoki, as well as her feelings.
A broiling, black sentiment.
Did anybody else receive it?
[ 'Nagase Iori' is all but an act, hence—— ]
Aoki peeked at the other three.
Did nobody else hear it?
[ It's not like this. I can't do it. Can't do it. Hurry hurry hurry! ]
Hot. Melting. Hot. Hot. Melting hot. Confounding. Incomprehensible feelings. Like lava. Flowed into Aoki.
He thought he had already gotten used to it, but it felt disturbing nonetheless. It was a powerful, yet disparate feeling.
"I—Iori-chan...?"
Gingerly, Aoki tried to talk to Iori, but she threw him an assertive look and shook her head.
"Don't mind it."
As in 'Not a word'?
"Anyway, we're done here right? In that case... I'll be off."
Iori picked up her bag and proceeded to leave.
This isn't like her. This isn't like Nagase Iori at all.
"Wait, Iori-chan!"
Before Aoki realised it, he had already shouted out, but he had not thought of what to say. Not good.
What should he do?
Something that he should do.
Something that he could do.
His method.
"Iori-chan~ Why have you become the cool beauty all of the sudden~?"
Aoki, maintaining his relaxed demeanour as best as he could, grinned and said to her.
This would be his method.
"Is it to arouse the 'cool girl' image that is not being currently fulfilled by Inaba-chan?"
How would she respond? No matter what response she gave, Aoki would take her on.
Come now. Come right ahead. She'd respond right? Don't be shy! Hey aren't we waiting a bit too long? Why is everyone so quiet? Hey the mood is getting cold here isn't it? Tell me I'm not completely derailed now am I?
Iori did not give a single look at Aoki, and left the club room.
□■□■□
Aoki walked towards his home along the river on the road.
The sun had already set, only street lamps remained to illuminate the road.
He looked towards the river. The water appeared black like a bottomless pit.
"Sigh..."
Aoki dropped his shoulders dejectedly, even though he knew he shouldn't be sighing.
"Sigh..."
Yet, he couldn't help but to sigh again.
Before then, no matter what baffling phenomenon he faced, he would maintain a common heart.
He had always believed that, in order for others to feel normal, this would be his best course of action.
However, today he found himself completely powerless.
He saw the fragments of Iori's heart, yet he could do nothing to help.
I can't solve anything at all can I?
There was nothing he could do.
A figure approached from the front. This was usually a desolate road, so Aoki looked towards the figure.
"...Hm? Isn't that..."
No wonder it looked familiar, wasn't that the club advisor of Cultural Research Club, Gotou Ryuuzen?
"Oi, what are you doing out here Go-sa—"
Gotou's eyes were half-opened.
Lifeless
Emotionless.
For those who did not know, they would probably think Gotou looked incredibly tired.
But Aoki knew better. He had seen that face many times.
«Heartseed» was possessing Gotou.
Hold on. Why? What's going on?
"Good evening... Aoki-san... Ahhh, I don't get to call you Aoki-san very often do I..."
His tone was sluggish and flat as usual. The fact that he behaved with such a haughty demeanour, by which he fully expected the others to know who he was without the need of him announcing himself, annoyed Aoki.
But, why?
"Why me?"
He had heard that «Heartseed» may sometimes appear to them when they were alone, but Aoki had not had such an encounter before.
"Hm... I did say I was going to intervene more enthusiastically... You may pretend that I'm just being greedy... Though it doesn't really matter."
Of course it matters.
"...Then, what business do you have with me?"
Aoki stared at him sharply and asked with a low tone.
He was unsure of how to deal with him, as it was usually the others who confronted «Heartseed».
He used to think he would be in the way, hence he had always kept his distance. If he knew that he would run into situations like this, he could have rehearsed it a little.
Should I run? Or contact the others? Maybe I should take the opportunity to——
"Aoki-san... what do you think of the phenomenon this time?"
"...How do you expect me to answer?"
"Your honest thoughts would be fine..."
"Utmost disgusting."
"As in... worse than before... Is that what you mean?"
"Every time, utmost disgusting."
"...I see... I suppose so..."
What was the point of this conversation? Did he think it was funny?
"Then, during this utmost disgusting phenomenon... What do you think you can do?"
"...Maintain a common heart."
"Maintain a common heart... Is there any meaning to that? In fact... it simply means you're not doing anything, doesn't it...?"
"No, it means a lot."
It should mean something for everyone——
"Ahh... I didn't put it quite right... Should I say that... You're 'unable to do anything'?"
Unable to do anything.
It felt like a sentence thrown at him from the high grounds.
"You are... the least interesting one."
They, as the objective 'observers', attacked Aoki with such a statement.
Hold on, what's going on right now?
Aoki's mind went blank suddenly.
Huh? How am I able to talk to this guy so casually? That's impossible no?"
If that entity had wanted, he could easily push him—the human named Aoki Yoshifumi—towards 'death'.
Everything was depended on his mood.
Aoki's sight suddenly broadened.
Darkness. Moonlight. Street lights. The entity standing there, and himself. The sounds of river flowing— a world that comprised of only these and nothing else.
This is scary isn't it? This can't be happening can it?
He felt as though he and that other one were the only ones left in the world.
"I'll ask again... What can you do?"
«Heartseed» asked. His—Gotou's eyes fixated on Aoki.
Cold. It was a given, standing on the road under the wintry night, of course it would be cold. Aoki felt as if he was turning into a block of ice.
Cold. Too cold.
"Aoki-san, who is unable to do anything... What would he do?"
How am I supposed to know? Do I have to answer you? And besides I'm on my way home, lemme go home already! Lemme go home, I beg you, lemme go home already!
"You are not needed..."
I know I know! I know I'm the most stupid, useless one among us! I'm the most incapable——
[ I wonder what Aoki's doing now. ]
'Sentiment Transmission'.
A certain someone's thought and feeling came to Aoki.
Unfortunately, he was unable to feel any passionate thought, or any affectionate feelings.
It was a simple wondering of 'what is he doing.'
He could not tell why she would have such a thought.
Nor what sort of chances that she would come up with such a thought.
But he was certain that Yui——was showing concern for him.
Hadn't he, since the 'Time Regression' phenomenon last time, already made his decision?
...That he would no longer falter in face of these nonsensical phenomena, and would never hurt Yui again?
He had to stand up and protect Yui.
[ As long as Yui worries about me, I will be able to fight, and I will be able to keep on fighting. I will fight in your stead. ]
Oooh, it's 'Sentiment Transmission', perfect timing, and it was transmitted to Yui too. It does seem if the person is involved, the sentiment would be more likely to transmit to them. Though this sentiment was transmitted to Taichi as well... which was unnecessary.
"So, Aoki-san... What can you do——"
"——Maintain a common heart."
He would no longer falter, and had no need to falter.
It was for the sake of himself.
The sake of Yui.
And of course, the sake of everybody.
It was what he should do, and what he could do.
"Like I said... That's the same as not doing anything... Generally speaking..."
"Now is my time to work hard for the club presentation event!"
By the way, let's put the finals aside for now!
"...Ahh... So that's your conclusion... Even though I knew it was coming."
«Heartseed» shook his head in a seemingly helpless manner.
Helplessness? Had «Heartseed» ever shown such expression before?
"Ahh... Aoki-san... You are indeed the most boring and uninteresting..."
Boring and uninteresting? Inaba said before, "When «Heartseed» stops finding them interesting, he would end these phenomena." Could this be the key to their situation...
"But, is it exactly because of this... that one could move on? And then... Ahh... I should stop talking to myself like this again..."
Move on? What?
"Uh... Well then... That settles it. Our conversation ends here, Aoki-san... Hmm... That's it."
«Heartseed» said, and proceeded to leave.
"Eh? Oi, you came after me and now you're just leaving on your own like that? Hey!"
Aoki wanted to pursue, but found no meaning in doing so, so he gave it up.
"Say, I was heading that way too~ And now you're walking ahead of me, wouldn't that make it difficult for me to walk that way? Feels like I'm following you~"
Needless to say there was no response. Aoki had no other option, so he stood there and wait.
"Grrr it's so cold! If I catch a cold from——"
[ Do I truly love Nagase Iori? ]
'Sentiment Transmission' triggered. It was... Taichi's sentiment?
What was Taichi thinking?
If Iori heard this, what would she think?
"Ah, but Iori had already rejected Taichi..."
Hm~ So complicated.
Even so, Aoki could only stay true to his methods.
+++
"Ah, Nagase-san, pardon me, for asking you to come out all of the sudden..."
Stood before me was Shiroyama Shouto, a classmate who belonged to the Jazz Band.
I hadn't conversed with him much before, but we did have a few exchange during CRC's recent visit to the Jazz Band.
"I have... something I'd like to say to you..."
I was able to guess what he wanted to say. I wished he would stop there, however. There was no way I would be able to answer him normally at the moment.
"Erm... Since Nagase-san seem to be quite popular and get along nicely with boys as well, so I thought Nagase-san would have a boyfriend or someone of interest... But I heard you didn't give out any chocolate on Valentine's Day... Hence, I thought you may not have anyone in your mind yet..."
A person in mind... No. Not at all... Not at all...
Even though I thought I liked him before.
"Th—The truth is, I've always... towards Nagase-san..."
"Enough."
I talked over Shiroyama.
Normally, I wouldn't do this. Normally.
"Eh?"
"Take my word, whatever you're about to say, don't say it."
I truly wished him not to.
Shiroyama should go out with someone more ordinary, more normal.
"Eh? Then... You have someone you like... Do you? But I thought I could at least..."
"Please, stop it."
This time it was no longer a warning, but rather a pleading. It was the best option.
"...Why? Do you... hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you."
"Then... Why is... Nagase-san acting so differently than usual?"
'Different than usual.' I was not the usual person I was.
"Nagase-san normally would be... more lively, more cheerful, seemingly happy, embraced by friends, like... the sun..."
Was that the 'Nagase Iori' in Shiroyama's mind?
No, that was the 'Nagase Iori' in everybody's mind.
"I see, Shiroyama-san likes how I am that way, but not how I am right now, am I right?"
"Eh... That..."
"You don't even know the real me, what's there left for us to say?"
I gave the paled Shiroyama a fatal blow.
"I... I..."
It was for the best to reject him coldly like this. This way he wouldn't have to hold on to those false dreams about me.
Though... it might had been too harsh. Did I overdo it? But I had to choose a side. Back then I would have been able to handle this better. But I couldn't help it any more. I could only say in my heart: I'm sorry.
+++
"I heard you had cruelly rejected Shiroyama-san, is it true?"
Setouchi Kaoru from our class stared at me angrily.
"Hey, say something!"
Setouchi flicked her hair upward. I thought she was too neurotic, and was tempted to say "This is none of your concern"... No, I supposed she was of concerned. After all Setouchi liked Shiroyama. I had this feeling before, and with this I was even more certain of it.
"Say something alread——"
"I rejected him."
It was an undeniable truth. Though if it were the normal me, I wouldn't have displayed such an attitude.
"...How could you say that with such an unconcerned look on your face?"
"Why? Am I supposed to look sad?"
It was a terrible way to answer. I did not have to provoke her. It seemed we were both neurotic after all.
"Aren't you a bit full of yourself right now? To think you've been acting like a good girl all the time."
"Aren't you the one who's full of herself here?"
I really shouldn't have said that. But seeing Setouchi, I couldn't help it. Why?
"What?"
Setouchi was not amused. I could almost see her veins pop.
"Who confessed to me, and who I rejected, are none of your concern, right?"
This argument was entirely valid. But in face of someone in the heat, it really wasn't the best idea to tell her off with such a cold tone, as it would only provoke her further. I was aware of this, yet I still wanted to say it. I couldn't stop. What a fool I was, why did I had to choose such a terrible option?
"You are indeed full of yourself... In fact, you are a terrible person!"
"No matter how we look at it, I think you're the one who's worse here."
"What's the meaning of that!? Were you... Was it all an act before?"
"If that's what you think."
An act——surely, to others, it was most likely that.
"You've been... deceiving others like that! You seduced Shiroyama-san!"
I would really like to object to the 'seduce' part.
"What on earth is with you? Why would people like you... I... too, in fact I..."
"In fact what?"
I inquired, and Setouchi's red face became even redder.
"You are the utmost terrible! Remember this!"
Setouchi left those words and left angrily. I had made an enemy.
Utmost terrible, was me?
Was that the real me?
Like this? Like how? Like that?
All kinds of options were laid before me. If it were normal, if it were me...
Hence, I would————
[ Is the person I am on the surface real?
Or is the person I am on the inside the one?
Which one is it!?
I can't keep up with my perfect display any more. I can't do it. I've already reached my limit.
The answer to which is real doesn't even exist to begin with.
I have only one path left to take. ]
□■□■□
Aoki Yoshifumi suddenly awoke and peered around.
Morning. On his bed. In his room, like usual.
"...A dream? But... it didn't feel like one..."
He thought he had been looking at someone's 'sentiment' just then... or had he?
And it seemed to be one from Nagase Iori.
He couldn't remember it clearly, but that sentiment, or the lingering shreds of it, remained heavy in his chest.
"Could it be... 'Sentiment Transmission'?"
It felt different than usual. This might be something that happens while asleep——Aoki deduced on his own.
Even though «Heartseed» had given them detailed explanations, they had long learned their lesson not to trust him word for word.
...To think that he was pondering about 'Sentiment Transmission' so casually made him feel disgusted. «Heartseed's» phenomena had pretty much become part of his life... he cringed at the thought of that. But he decided to put that aside for now.
Should he talk with the others about Iori's issue? She seemed to be driving herself into a wall over something. But there was a chance that he was the only one who received that tranmission, and revealing somebody else's feelings to others like that might make the situation worse.
"What should I do then...? But, Iori-chan did seem a bit off yesterday."
"Screw phenomena, we'll just ignore it!" That was their decision since the start, but things certainly wouldn't go their way that smoothly.
Somebody was bound to get hurt.
Even Aoki himself, whom people believed to have nothing to hide (he too believed that this was his selling point), would occasionally worry about his thoughts being heard without warning. There were things that he would keep to himself according to situations; and then there were nasty things due to anger, or dirty things.
However, he would work with others together and overcome this phenomenon. This had been his resolution.
In this scenario, he would simply do what he does best.
In other words, he would work hard to maintain his 'usual self.'
He would move onwards at full force.
Let's fight for the best today! Especially for the club presentation, gotta bring my best! And the finals... Ack, I'd love not to think about those.
[ Hmm~ should I have another bowl? Ever since returning to the dojo, I've been getting hungry a lot. But I've already taken half of Anzu's side dish... Hmm~ ...Go for it! ]
High in spirits from the morning as usual today, Yui.
□■□■□
"Oh, I'm the last... No wait, Nagase hasn't come yet?"
Yaegashi Taichi entered the club room.
That made Iori the only one who had not arrived yet.
Kiriyama Yui had to go to the dojo yesterday, Taichi, Inaba, and Iori had to be late as well. But all five of them were expected to be here without problem today.
"Oh right, Kiriyama, thanks for your gift yesterday. It tasted great."
"Mhm, you're welcome."
Taichi brought up the landmine topic from two days ago; it seemed to be taken care of. Aoki figured he could relax a little now.
"Ah, so Yui did give Taichi one as well. Was it a chocolate piece like the ones you gave to the boys in class? I haven't tried it since mine was different~"
Believing his own to be the 'honmei chocolate', Aoki asked with a sense of superiority.
"Chocolate piece? Wasn't it like a cake piece?"
"Wa—Wait Taichi!"
Yui panicked and peeked towards Aoki.
"Eh? Cake piece? Wasn't it the same as mine then...?"
"It—It was giri! Obligatory! It barely counts as obligatory!" [1]
"B—Barely counts?"
So it was something similar to obligatory but not quite obligatory... No, it had to be obligatory! Even if it barely counted as obligatory, it was still obligatory! Hmm? But Taichi got the same thing as I did... Did that mean mine was obligatory too!? Nooooo!
"I—I thought it was honmei..."
Aoki wondered if he had jumped to conclusions too soon.
"Y—Yours had..."
Yui waved her hands nervously, her face blushing.
"...an extra strawberry on top."
"Yes——! I won by an extra strawberry! I won!"
Considering his opponent was Taichi, it was a huge difference. Aoki decided to embrace it as a major victory.
"It's just a single strawber... Er, never mind."
Taichi wanted to say something, but stopped short.
Stop looking at me with that sympathising expression already.
Truth be told, Aoki knew that single strawberry was probably just added on a whim.
...No, he was pretty sure it was!
"By the way, from my standpoint, I can't pretend I didn't see this you know."
Inaba Himeko stared at Yui with her eyes narrowed.
"W-Why?"
"To be honest I have zero concern about whether Aoki dies from utter despair or not——"
"You don't have to emphasise it that way, Inaba-chan!"
Please show a little more concern about Aoki Yoshifumi-kun!
"——But if the one you gave Taichi was specially made..."
"I-It was only because I was always indebted to Taichi and Aoki for their help, so I spent a little more time on theirs. That's it, I swear!"
"Reeeeeally?"
"Yes really! It's not because I li—like Taichi or anything! Ah, I like him very much as a friend of course."
"By 'very' you mean..."
"I mean nothing in particular, honest!"
Hearing Yui and Inaba's conversation, Aoki could certainly feel that Inaba's earlier words were no false claims.
"Inaba-chan, you really do like Taichi."
It wasn't a simple liking towards a friend, but rather an affectionate liking towards the one she loved.
Aoki used to think that she only enjoyed teasing Taichi.
"Hmph, you have a problem with that?"
"No, of course not! Captain Inaba!"
S—So aboveboard! Aoki felt that his defining trait was threatened. He wondered whether he should firmly proclaim that as his patent speciality.
"...If only you weren't such a dummy. Sigh... I suppose being dumb has its own merits..."
"Hm? Yui, did you say something?"
Aoki did not hear clearly and inquired, but Yui merely said "Nothing."
Inaba spoke:
"Speaking of which, Yui, you gave chocolate to the boys at the dojo too, right?"
"Those were just giri-choco. Hey, you should have already known that through 'Sentiment Transmission'."
Yui had recovered from her androphobia, Aoki could make such a claim now.
It was something worth rejoicing for.
"Not that I'm questioning your hard work, but I gotta mention it just in case you ended up as a playgirl, you know?"
"Who are you calling a playgirl!?"
Yui stood up and slammed the table.
"This is a very troubling problem for me too you know!?"
Emergency! Emergency!
"Oh... Now that you mentioned it, when Kiriyama was practising karate yesterday, she was thinking something like 'That kid's stance was kinda cool', 'That guy looked kinda handsome from the side' etc..."
"Taichi! Taichi! Taichi stop saying unnecessary things with an innocent expression on your face!"
"That is indeed a very troubling problem for me! Should I start visiting the dojo too!?"
"It's not like that! I was approaching a group of girls and they were having a conversation about 'Which of the boys was more handsome', so I tried to think of something to join in..."
"In other words, you were eyeing up guys. ...What a whore."
"AM NOT————————!"
As Yui was protesting against Inaba's vulgarity, the door swung open.
Nagase Iori arrived at the club room.
All conversations came to a stop, and the room fell silent.
"Well then, wagering on the life and death of CRC... Okay maybe I'm over exaggerating, but anyway, in order to compete for a convenient advisor for our club, let's think about what to present at the presentation event. After all, we didn't really come up with anything useful yesterday."
Headed by Inaba, the group began their discussion.
Everything was as usual up until this point.
However, Iori, who would normally be the most eager one to voice her opinion, remained silent the whole time.
Her face was impassive, expressionless too.
The air felt as though it was being disrupted by a mismatched, disarranged tune.
Aoki did not know how to cope with it.
Who used to be the bright, cheering sun among them was now overcast by black clouds. Darkness shrouded the CRC club room.
However, this was exactly the time for him to take action.
"I got an idea! Why don't we have the girls cosplay and seduce the male teachers and student council members among the judg— Ack!?"
Aoki was kicked mercilessly in the leg.
"I think having you dance naked and score some sympathy points from the judges isn't a half bad idea either."
Yui said and gave Aoki a gentle look, to which he grinned.
...Though if she understood his intention, he wished she had kicked him a little more gently.
"Hmm," Inaba nodded and spoke, "I like your strategic approach regarding 'how to score points from the judges'. In fact, we'll be needing this strategy. Well then, why don't we share the information that we've gathered individually? Taichi, how did yours go?"
"Er, let's start with what I heard from Shiroyama from the Jazz Band. Since they have to finish their performance within the fifteen-minute time limit, they're currently practising on setting up the equipment in order to optimise their performance."
"Then, suppose we can fully utilize those fifteen minutes for our presentation, wouldn't that be advantageous for us?"
Yui raised a question.
"No, not quite. Due to the overwhelming number of clubs during the event, the presentations pretty much proceed back to back without break. If the presentation or performance dragged on for too long, it may leave a bad taste in the judges' mouth."
Aoki heard this from some of his friends as well.
"Allegedly there was a club that tried to exploit this last year, and compressed their presentation into a five-minute show and said for the remaining time: 'Break time! We'd like to invite everyone to take a breather and use the bathroom before the next club's performance!'... Though they didn't score anything spectacular."
It seemed they would need to put a lot of work into the presentation; the strategies behind it were very deep as well.
"I heard the Jazz Band's plan is to report their activities throughout the year while setting up the equipment, and then proceed to their performance and pack up afterwards. The entire procedure will be completed within thirteen minutes."
"Oh~" Yui seemed impressed.
"I've asked my friend from one of the athletic clubs. She said they usually only spend about three to five minutes to do a quick oral report and end it right there. After all there isn't much an athletic club can do on stage besides reporting some of its accomplishments during competitions and events. On the other hand, culture clubs spend a lot more effort into their presentations."
"Indeed." Inaba replied. "After all, for clubs that don't really have options like participating events, it's difficult to objectively evaluate them based on accomplishments. The deciding factor here would be how well you impress the judges; allegedly you would get a much better treatment that way."
I see, Aoki thought to himself. So even without Gotou's issue, the presentation event is still very significant for the CRC.
He proceeded to report his findings:
"Ah, it seems the Art Club does a live drawing performance every year——"
They continued to exchange info, and then began discussing their presentation's content. Taichi was the first to voice his opinion.
"Our primary club activity is publishing the «Cultural Research News», so I think the most suitable plan would be to present an expanded edition of the «Cultural Research News». Its content could consist of what we believe to be the best articles that we've published before."
"This does sound like a straightforward plan, but would we be able to beat the Jazz Band with that?"
As Yui answered, Aoki spoke as well:
"If we don't come up with something that can surpass that kind of performance of theirs, we'll lose Go-san to them."
The situation was tight, but the CRC had someone who could, no matter what crisis they were in, show them the light and lead them to victory: their prized tactician, her name was——
"Needless to say, the judges would consider the genre difference between our club activities. However, there is no denying that the difference in terms of impact is too great. If we only present our articles, the judges would most likely go 'Hmm, okay' and forget about it right away. Hence, we need to come up with something different."
——Inaba Himeko, the vice president of the Cultural Research Club.
"One option for us is, produce something that 'takes time and effort' strictly for the presentation event. If we have a product that was made specially for the event, that alone would leave them with a decent impression. Furthermore, if it was something that takes a considerable amount of effort to make, then those teachers who love old-school sayings like 'The end result is not important, the effort in the process is!' would certainly give us a high score, don't you think? Kekeke~!"
"...If they knew of such devious motive behind that, the teachers would feel very disappointed."
Taichi whispered to himself quietly.
Everyone discussed passionately. Words like "This isn't right!" "That's no good!" sounded through the air. All kinds of proposals were suggested and rejected.
"What about a map with recommended points of interest around the school?"
As they neared the end of discussion, Yui came up with an idea.
"While it isn't what we usually report about, it's still something we would investigate, interview, write, and publish as a report. If we treat it as a special edition of «Cultural Research News», then I think it would work nicely."
Taichi said, to which Aoki echoed:
"This kind of report is pretty practical, the teachers and student council members would like it."
Inaba added:
"And if we used extra large paper, and make it into something that would immediately be recognized as hand-crafted work, it seems that we could leave a good impression on the teachers."
The more they thought about it the more they were convinced that this was a great topic for their club presentation. Hence, the CRC decided to create a map with recommended points of interest around the school. They did not set a limit on what they would report about. Dining spots, shops or recreational areas could all be considered, provided those were places that weren't well known to most people. The group decided that they would organise and print all this information on several sheets of paper vellum, and present them in the form of oral report on stage. They had also planned to make booklets for distribution to spectators at the event.
"How are we going to make the map though? Even if we refer to the magazines and tourist maps, there aren't many that write about our town."
Yui pondered with her hands crossed at her chest, to which Inaba responded:
"There should be some local magazines for that. We can try look those up... But that won't be enough, we gotta do first-hand investigation on the fields... Oi, that sounds surprisingly troublesome."
"Don't feel troubled, Inaba. It only means we can create a report of considerable quality, doesn't it?"
"Yes, yes, sounds just like something the hard worker Taichi-kun would say. I'm trying to put our focus on how to efficiently yield the maximum results while using minimum amount of labour."
"But the most important thing is to earn a high score from the judges right?"
"...Aoki, your point is entirely valid; so valid it's infuriating."
"Don't be infuriated if it's valid then, Inaba-chan!"
Thus, as the CRC slowly approached the end of the class year, this would be their first formal piece of presented work, and not just a casual publishing of everyone's interests. Not to mention, they were betting with the fate of the whole club.
Inaba — who kept grumbling "So much work!" — included, everyone was very enthusiastic about the club presentation.
Aoki wanted to say 'everyone was'... However, Iori barely said a word.
When they asked her for opinions, she would answer 'Ah,' 'Hard to say,' or 'Sounds good' and such, but she showed no sign of actively engaging in the discussion.
Something was obviously off with Iori.
After the group had decided on their respective tasks...
"Um, Iori..."
Visibly concerned, Inaba tried to converse with Iori. Now that Aoki thought of it, the fact that Inaba didn't call out on Iori's attitude this whole time was suspicious. Normally she would be the first to inquire.
Why was that? Did Inaba, like him, know about Iori's heavy, dark, and seemingly untouchable inner world?
"...Seriously, is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"But you're reacting so differently."
"Does it always have to be the same?"
[ This is certainly the trickiest part. ]
Iori's inner voice came to Aoki, as well as her feelings.
A broiling, black sentiment.
Did anybody else receive it?
[ 'Nagase Iori' is all but an act, hence—— ]
Aoki peeked at the other three.
Did nobody else hear it?
[ It's not like this. I can't do it. Can't do it. Hurry hurry hurry! ]
Hot. Melting. Hot. Hot. Melting hot. Confounding. Incomprehensible feelings. Like lava. Flowed into Aoki.
He thought he had already gotten used to it, but it felt disturbing nonetheless. It was a powerful, yet disparate feeling.
"I—Iori-chan...?"
Gingerly, Aoki tried to talk to Iori, but she threw him an assertive look and shook her head.
"Don't mind it."
As in 'Not a word'?
"Anyway, we're done here right? In that case... I'll be off."
Iori picked up her bag and proceeded to leave.
This isn't like her. This isn't like Nagase Iori at all.
"Wait, Iori-chan!"
Before Aoki realised it, he had already shouted out, but he had not thought of what to say. Not good.
What should he do?
Something that he should do.
Something that he could do.
His method.
"Iori-chan~ Why have you become the cool beauty all of the sudden~?"
Aoki, maintaining his relaxed demeanour as best as he could, grinned and said to her.
This would be his method.
"Is it to arouse the 'cool girl' image that is not being currently fulfilled by Inaba-chan?"
How would she respond? No matter what response she gave, Aoki would take her on.
Come now. Come right ahead. She'd respond right? Don't be shy! Hey aren't we waiting a bit too long? Why is everyone so quiet? Hey the mood is getting cold here isn't it? Tell me I'm not completely derailed now am I?
Iori did not give a single look at Aoki, and left the club room.
□■□■□
Aoki walked towards his home along the river on the road.
The sun had already set, only street lamps remained to illuminate the road.
He looked towards the river. The water appeared black like a bottomless pit.
"Sigh..."
Aoki dropped his shoulders dejectedly, even though he knew he shouldn't be sighing.
"Sigh..."
Yet, he couldn't help but to sigh again.
Before then, no matter what baffling phenomenon he faced, he would maintain a common heart.
He had always believed that, in order for others to feel normal, this would be his best course of action.
However, today he found himself completely powerless.
He saw the fragments of Iori's heart, yet he could do nothing to help.
I can't solve anything at all can I?
There was nothing he could do.
A figure approached from the front. This was usually a desolate road, so Aoki looked towards the figure.
"...Hm? Isn't that..."
No wonder it looked familiar, wasn't that the club advisor of Cultural Research Club, Gotou Ryuuzen?
"Oi, what are you doing out here Go-sa—"
Gotou's eyes were half-opened.
Lifeless
Emotionless.
For those who did not know, they would probably think Gotou looked incredibly tired.
But Aoki knew better. He had seen that face many times.
«Heartseed» was possessing Gotou.
Hold on. Why? What's going on?
"Good evening... Aoki-san... Ahhh, I don't get to call you Aoki-san very often do I..."
His tone was sluggish and flat as usual. The fact that he behaved with such a haughty demeanour, by which he fully expected the others to know who he was without the need of him announcing himself, annoyed Aoki.
But, why?
"Why me?"
He had heard that «Heartseed» may sometimes appear to them when they were alone, but Aoki had not had such an encounter before.
"Hm... I did say I was going to intervene more enthusiastically... You may pretend that I'm just being greedy... Though it doesn't really matter."
Of course it matters.
"...Then, what business do you have with me?"
Aoki stared at him sharply and asked with a low tone.
He was unsure of how to deal with him, as it was usually the others who confronted «Heartseed».
He used to think he would be in the way, hence he had always kept his distance. If he knew that he would run into situations like this, he could have rehearsed it a little.
Should I run? Or contact the others? Maybe I should take the opportunity to——
"Aoki-san... what do you think of the phenomenon this time?"
"...How do you expect me to answer?"
"Your honest thoughts would be fine..."
"Utmost disgusting."
"As in... worse than before... Is that what you mean?"
"Every time, utmost disgusting."
"...I see... I suppose so..."
What was the point of this conversation? Did he think it was funny?
"Then, during this utmost disgusting phenomenon... What do you think you can do?"
"...Maintain a common heart."
"Maintain a common heart... Is there any meaning to that? In fact... it simply means you're not doing anything, doesn't it...?"
"No, it means a lot."
It should mean something for everyone——
"Ahh... I didn't put it quite right... Should I say that... You're 'unable to do anything'?"
Unable to do anything.
It felt like a sentence thrown at him from the high grounds.
"You are... the least interesting one."
They, as the objective 'observers', attacked Aoki with such a statement.
Hold on, what's going on right now?
Aoki's mind went blank suddenly.
Huh? How am I able to talk to this guy so casually? That's impossible no?"
If that entity had wanted, he could easily push him—the human named Aoki Yoshifumi—towards 'death'.
Everything was depended on his mood.
Aoki's sight suddenly broadened.
Darkness. Moonlight. Street lights. The entity standing there, and himself. The sounds of river flowing— a world that comprised of only these and nothing else.
This is scary isn't it? This can't be happening can it?
He felt as though he and that other one were the only ones left in the world.
"I'll ask again... What can you do?"
«Heartseed» asked. His—Gotou's eyes fixated on Aoki.
Cold. It was a given, standing on the road under the wintry night, of course it would be cold. Aoki felt as if he was turning into a block of ice.
Cold. Too cold.
"Aoki-san, who is unable to do anything... What would he do?"
How am I supposed to know? Do I have to answer you? And besides I'm on my way home, lemme go home already! Lemme go home, I beg you, lemme go home already!
"You are not needed..."
I know I know! I know I'm the most stupid, useless one among us! I'm the most incapable——
[ I wonder what Aoki's doing now. ]
'Sentiment Transmission'.
A certain someone's thought and feeling came to Aoki.
Unfortunately, he was unable to feel any passionate thought, or any affectionate feelings.
It was a simple wondering of 'what is he doing.'
He could not tell why she would have such a thought.
Nor what sort of chances that she would come up with such a thought.
But he was certain that Yui——was showing concern for him.
Hadn't he, since the 'Time Regression' phenomenon last time, already made his decision?
...That he would no longer falter in face of these nonsensical phenomena, and would never hurt Yui again?
He had to stand up and protect Yui.
[ As long as Yui worries about me, I will be able to fight, and I will be able to keep on fighting. I will fight in your stead. ]
Oooh, it's 'Sentiment Transmission', perfect timing, and it was transmitted to Yui too. It does seem if the person is involved, the sentiment would be more likely to transmit to them. Though this sentiment was transmitted to Taichi as well... which was unnecessary.
"So, Aoki-san... What can you do——"
"——Maintain a common heart."
He would no longer falter, and had no need to falter.
It was for the sake of himself.
The sake of Yui.
And of course, the sake of everybody.
It was what he should do, and what he could do.
"Like I said... That's the same as not doing anything... Generally speaking..."
"Now is my time to work hard for the club presentation event!"
By the way, let's put the finals aside for now!
"...Ahh... So that's your conclusion... Even though I knew it was coming."
«Heartseed» shook his head in a seemingly helpless manner.
Helplessness? Had «Heartseed» ever shown such expression before?
"Ahh... Aoki-san... You are indeed the most boring and uninteresting..."
Boring and uninteresting? Inaba said before, "When «Heartseed» stops finding them interesting, he would end these phenomena." Could this be the key to their situation...
"But, is it exactly because of this... that one could move on? And then... Ahh... I should stop talking to myself like this again..."
Move on? What?
"Uh... Well then... That settles it. Our conversation ends here, Aoki-san... Hmm... That's it."
«Heartseed» said, and proceeded to leave.
"Eh? Oi, you came after me and now you're just leaving on your own like that? Hey!"
Aoki wanted to pursue, but found no meaning in doing so, so he gave it up.
"Say, I was heading that way too~ And now you're walking ahead of me, wouldn't that make it difficult for me to walk that way? Feels like I'm following you~"
Needless to say there was no response. Aoki had no other option, so he stood there and wait.
"Grrr it's so cold! If I catch a cold from——"
[ Do I truly love Nagase Iori? ]
'Sentiment Transmission' triggered. It was... Taichi's sentiment?
What was Taichi thinking?
If Iori heard this, what would she think?
"Ah, but Iori had already rejected Taichi..."
Hm~ So complicated.
Even so, Aoki could only stay true to his methods.
+++
"Ah, Nagase-san, pardon me, for asking you to come out all of the sudden..."
Stood before me was Shiroyama Shouto, a classmate who belonged to the Jazz Band.
I hadn't conversed with him much before, but we did have a few exchange during CRC's recent visit to the Jazz Band.
"I have... something I'd like to say to you..."
I was able to guess what he wanted to say. I wished he would stop there, however. There was no way I would be able to answer him normally at the moment.
"Erm... Since Nagase-san seem to be quite popular and get along nicely with boys as well, so I thought Nagase-san would have a boyfriend or someone of interest... But I heard you didn't give out any chocolate on Valentine's Day... Hence, I thought you may not have anyone in your mind yet..."
A person in mind... No. Not at all... Not at all...
Even though I thought I liked him before.
"Th—The truth is, I've always... towards Nagase-san..."
"Enough."
I talked over Shiroyama.
Normally, I wouldn't do this. Normally.
"Eh?"
"Take my word, whatever you're about to say, don't say it."
I truly wished him not to.
Shiroyama should go out with someone more ordinary, more normal.
"Eh? Then... You have someone you like... Do you? But I thought I could at least..."
"Please, stop it."
This time it was no longer a warning, but rather a pleading. It was the best option.
"...Why? Do you... hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you."
"Then... Why is... Nagase-san acting so differently than usual?"
'Different than usual.' I was not the usual person I was.
"Nagase-san normally would be... more lively, more cheerful, seemingly happy, embraced by friends, like... the sun..."
Was that the 'Nagase Iori' in Shiroyama's mind?
No, that was the 'Nagase Iori' in everybody's mind.
"I see, Shiroyama-san likes how I am that way, but not how I am right now, am I right?"
"Eh... That..."
"You don't even know the real me, what's there left for us to say?"
I gave the paled Shiroyama a fatal blow.
"I... I..."
It was for the best to reject him coldly like this. This way he wouldn't have to hold on to those false dreams about me.
Though... it might had been too harsh. Did I overdo it? But I had to choose a side. Back then I would have been able to handle this better. But I couldn't help it any more. I could only say in my heart: I'm sorry.
+++
"I heard you had cruelly rejected Shiroyama-san, is it true?"
Setouchi Kaoru from our class stared at me angrily.
"Hey, say something!"
Setouchi flicked her hair upward. I thought she was too neurotic, and was tempted to say "This is none of your concern"... No, I supposed she was of concerned. After all Setouchi liked Shiroyama. I had this feeling before, and with this I was even more certain of it.
"Say something alread——"
"I rejected him."
It was an undeniable truth. Though if it were the normal me, I wouldn't have displayed such an attitude.
"...How could you say that with such an unconcerned look on your face?"
"Why? Am I supposed to look sad?"
It was a terrible way to answer. I did not have to provoke her. It seemed we were both neurotic after all.
"Aren't you a bit full of yourself right now? To think you've been acting like a good girl all the time."
"Aren't you the one who's full of herself here?"
I really shouldn't have said that. But seeing Setouchi, I couldn't help it. Why?
"What?"
Setouchi was not amused. I could almost see her veins pop.
"Who confessed to me, and who I rejected, are none of your concern, right?"
This argument was entirely valid. But in face of someone in the heat, it really wasn't the best idea to tell her off with such a cold tone, as it would only provoke her further. I was aware of this, yet I still wanted to say it. I couldn't stop. What a fool I was, why did I had to choose such a terrible option?
"You are indeed full of yourself... In fact, you are a terrible person!"
"No matter how we look at it, I think you're the one who's worse here."
"What's the meaning of that!? Were you... Was it all an act before?"
"If that's what you think."
An act——surely, to others, it was most likely that.
"You've been... deceiving others like that! You seduced Shiroyama-san!"
I would really like to object to the 'seduce' part.
"What on earth is with you? Why would people like you... I... too, in fact I..."
"In fact what?"
I inquired, and Setouchi's red face became even redder.
"You are the utmost terrible! Remember this!"
Setouchi left those words and left angrily. I had made an enemy.
Utmost terrible, was me?
Was that the real me?
Like this? Like how? Like that?
All kinds of options were laid before me. If it were normal, if it were me...
Hence, I would————
