Chapter 473: 473
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Xing was peaceful with the decision she made. She wasn't displeased or felt like she needed more time in this realm. She felt her hand sting by the force Chenglei slapped it. Still it was nothing compared to the pain she was currently in and she looked pleadingly at Chenglei.
There is not much time left as she could feel the heartbeats of both the babies go dangerously low. They must be suffocating. She really didn't want her girls to die when she could save them. She could use her powers but she was too tired to gather that much of mental strength to use her powers and even then it would be hard to save her children.
On this situation, she knew the only way is for her to leave so that her two children live.
Chenglei felt his entire body go cold by her request. It seemed like she has arrived to a decision but how could he let her die? Just how?
He looked at her, pale and in deep suffering. She looked like she was holding her life in her hands and trying to get his permission to let go of her life. She was waiting for his approval for taking her last breath.
Sweat dripped on her face and a maid continued to wipe her and there was blood trickling down on the floor as she was sitting on the birthing chair while another maid was wiping it. The whole place looked gloomy and he felt his ear ring and head ached like it's being hammered.
She... Is in deep pain. She wants relief.
He knew, he could not understand her pain and he never could. He could now understand why she was adament on not letting him beside her. He wanted to faint.
How could a petite woman go through this? Is this how it is supposed to be? It should be... Otherwise why do they consider childbirth a trial itself.? It is something ideal to a woman, this pain and he could only watch and not participate in any way.
And this woman is his wife.
His wife, he married after much trouble and got together after literally going through trials...
His wife he has learnt not to be apart these past few years....
His wife who gave him every happiness a man could imagine of....
And she wants him to let her go?
Can he? Will he ever be able to?
She is a strong woman, he know. For her to be begging for death? No... She is not begging to die for her sake since she cannot bear the pain. She is not that weak. She is begging to die for the sake of the babies in her belly. She wants them to survive and she is going to trade her life for them.
Why?
Why is she willing to let go on her life for someone whose face she haven't seen yet? Why?
Why can't she be like that woman who birthed him who wanted her son, who was well over her shoulders to die for her to live?
Why?
Why does his wife wants to give up her life for someone who haven't seen this world yet?
Chenglei's thought wandered dangerously dark. For him, Xing is everything. Everyone else is expendable. For him, in his current state, the children in her belly, who are his blood, seemed distant and disconnected to him.
Why would they want to take his wife away from him to be born?
Xing noticed Chenglei turning dark as he teared up and soon his expression became sombre as if he had reached to a decision.
"It is your decision", he said and his throat was heavy and coarse and he coughed a bit and continued. His eyes looking at Xing, didn't have the usual gentleness but it was blank making Xing's heart clench.
It wasn't cold or angry, but it was bland as if he has given up everything.
"I will try and raise...", he pointed at her belly and searched for words, "Them", he breathed out finally finding a word. He had many words in his mind but none would have been appreciated by his wife.
"They have my wretched blood coursing through their veins after all" he gritted his teeth as he saw Xing taking deep breaths and screaming she had another set of contractions. She didn't hear what he said.
Yes, it is his blood that is making them hurt their mother right when they are trying to come out of her. Just like him!
"Good, now I can...", Xing tried to smile but she felt too weak to even move her muscles.
"But", his stern voice interjected her making her fatigued smile freeze.
"I will never love them and would take care of them only as an obligation"
Once they get married, he'd just join his wife, wherever she is!
"You...",Xing clenched her jaws to stop herself from swearing, "They are your children. How could you not love them? I don't believe you for a second", she then brushed it off.
She's seen how he is with their other children. He talked to these girls when they are in her belly, like a lovely father. How would he hate these babies, then?
He should be trying to change my mind.
"Huh!", he snorted seeing her reaction. It's not what he wanted.
"I'm not Akatsuki! I'm... Me! For me, you are everything! You think I will be able to love these... Monsters who swallow your life before they are born and... "
*Clang *
Blood dripped from his forehead as the jar beside Xing was thrown at him. She seemed to have used her every bit of strength. Her eyes glowed amber and the walls shook as if there was an earthquake.
Everyone in the room got so scared and wondered what they should do.
."Get out of my face!", Xing screamed and Chenglei left without turning back.
"If you want them to be loved, survive!", he said before he locked the door behind himself.
Uncle Feiye who listened to everything inside, knew he must have provoked Xing purposefully to give her a reason to live. His niece has unlimited strength inside her but now she is just confused. All she needed was a rude awakening to get her fired up.
Of course he cannot hurt her physically since she is already in a lot of pain that confused her. So he gave her a slap, emotionally. Now she would do her everything to survive.
Chenglei sitting on the floor, tried to listen in, but he couldn't hear anything. She must have sealed the entire room. If she used her powers, she will win.
But what will she choose? What will be a win for her?
"Am I a terrible man, father?", Chenglei asked Feiye who was shocked by him addressing him as 'father'. He never did when he lived with him and in the past years he didn't even talk to him.
'He must be really scared now and his deep thought might have come out somehow', Feiye concluded and he was pretty happy he was held in that position in his heart.
"I am, I know", Chenglei added and Feiye sat beside him silently.
"I meant what I said to her. I honestly don't think I'd be able to love my children if my wife dies. I hate myself for that but I really am not sure that I will be able to love them", he wept, bitterly.
"I'll just leave everything and go to seclusion if anything happens to her. Father-in-law will take good care of her children, I know. What will I do without her, father? I'd rather our children have a good role model as a father than me... I'm scum. How could she believe I'd be the same after she leaves me? If I didn't kill myself, I'd turn to the blood thirsty monster I once was. How would I be suitable to raise children? I'm not suitable... I never was... ", Chenglei kept on blabbering.
The death of Consort Jiang affected Chenglei greatly and he knew his brother must be hurting and he didn't want that for himself. He felt like he was going crazy with the pain he felt.
"Come on now, boy! Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Nothing bad has happened yet", Feiye patted his shoulders but it seemed like he didn't even listen.
Soon, the silence inside the room was lifted by the loud cries of two babies.
"Xing.. Xing!", Chenglei stood up and ran inside the room towards the birthing chair.
"Xing!", he screamed and maybe it was the pain in his voice or because they recognised their father or even because they didn't want to look at him, the children stopped crying.
Chenglei, like a blinded horse, walked to the chair to see Xing covered by a lot of maids and they all looked panicked as they cleaned her.
"What?", his voice shook as he walked near, "Why are her eyes closed?"
"Your highness...", the physician tried to speak.
"Xing?", he knelt beside Xing and placed his hands on her cheek. His hand felt cold.
No!
You didn't! Xing!
Not like this and not when you are angry at me.
"Her highness fainted of blood loss", one of the physicians spoke in a loud voice that jerked Chenglei. That's when he realised he felt cold in his hands because his hand is cold and not her.
She is alive! My Xing lives!
He picked her up and placed her on the bed after they cleaned her up and sat on the floor beside her bed, placing his head beside her hand, holding her hand and watched her pale face. Her thick eyelashes that looked like a fan didn't move and her chest moved up and down slightly indicating she is breathing.
Wake up! Wake up!
He didn't know how long he was chanting that but he could feel the warmth from her hand reaching him as his hands were covering hers.
This is enough!
He fell asleep since he too was tired and he too didn't sleep for more than a day. He was a human afterall.
Xing woke up after a while and the first thing she felt was the warmth in her hand and she looked to see Chenglei, sitting on the floor.
Her entire body hurt, especially her back and she couldn't feel her legs as she was in the birthing position for more than a day.
She didn't feel hungry but she knew she have to eat something if she needs to get better and she tried to call for the maids who were standing outside the wooden partition of their bedchamber.
Maybe because he sensed the slight movement, Chenglei woke up and sat up immediately and blood rushed to his brain, clouding his vision.
He rubbed his eyes and slowly he could see his wife. She was awake and seemed fine but she looked at him like he was air. He felt a pang of pain in his heart but he was happy that she is alive.
He got up and went outside and brought back some soups and medicines that were prepared for her already.
"The little princesses are with a wet nurse Lord Huang arranged. They both are fine and sleeping right now. If Princess Consort wishes to see them, I'd bring... "
"No need, let them rest", Xing waved the maid out and tried to sit up.
"Lian Lian?", she asked and the maid answered that he was with her first uncle.
Her uncle must have took him out to change his mood realising he was scared. Her uncle is always thoughtful and he loved her father a lot and that extended to his grandsons too.
Seeing her struggling to sit up, Chenglei helped her sit leaning on the headboard and sat beside her and looked at her deeply. Sensing her aversion towards him, he didn't say a word and started to blow the piping hot soup and started feeding her scoop by scoop and he was happy she didn't protest to accept food from him.
She has every right to be angry at him and he will be patient and coax her.
She stared at him and he felt uncomfortable and she pointed the porridge on the table. He thought she was still hungry and wants to eat but she pointed at him and so he ate. He couldn't hide his happiness. She loves him so much.
Seeing her extremely tired, without saying a word, he helped her get down on the bed and covered her with the blanket and tucked her in and sat by her side.
Xing slept for some more time and when she woke up next, he was still sitting in the same position, watching her.
Seeing her awake, he ran immediately to bring some water and helped her up. She couldn't even hold the cup and he helped her drink the water and placed the cup by the side.
Xing was extremely angry at him for calling their daughters 'monsters'. But then again, this is the man she fell in love with and married. His love and affection are limitless only towards her, and others... Well, they are others, Even if they are his children.
He could only be a good husband and nothing else.
He looked at the man looking at her guiltily and the gash above his eyebrow was deep. That's definitely going to scar. He said something bad and she hit him. She decided to let it go and not bring it up again.
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Without saying anything, she hugged him. She could sense him stressing up but soon she felt him enveloping her with his arms and he started to shake and she felt her shoulders getting wet. She let him cry. She definitely gave him a scare.
"I'm glad you knocked some sense into my brain that got delirious" she said after she felt like he composed himself. If left to her own devices, she'd be dead by now. He angered her and made her think of another way to keep herself and her children alive. He probably planned it. He probably didn't mean what he said.
Yes, Probably!
"I won't live without you,Xing. I'll follow you immediately. I don't care about any other responsibility", he said, his voice choking, and he wanted to squeeze her in his hug but stopped himself knowing she's in deep pain.
"What an irresponsible man I married! I got deceived ", she chuckled but the pain made her to stop and he gently patted her back.
"Lie down",he placed her on the bed.
"I'm irresponsible, alright. So be the responsible one for me", he kissed her forehead.
"You cannot immediately follow me, idiot. You'll have to Bury me and grieve me for at least a week for everything you put me through", she couldn't keep her eyes open and with the corners of her lips slightly raised, she fell asleep.
"A day turned to a week now?", Chenglei fixed her stray hairs. She had asked him the same thing a long time ago and asked him to grieve for her for a day for leaving her alone for ten years. Now his punishment has multiplied by seven it seems.
"I'll die on the same day you died, Xing. I'll grieve for a year. Will that make you happy?", he mumbled and a smile formed on his lips.
He saw Lian Lian waiting by the door and he got up and went to him.
"Is mother fine now? She is not dead, is she?", he was panicked. Even though he loved his father more, his mother is the root of the family that holds the big tree, providing for them. Cut the root, the tree will wither soon. So will their family. He knew.
"Mother is just resting. Shall we meet your sisters?", Chenglei held his son's hand and guided him.
As he walked he felt the weight of the guilt on him but he took a deep breath. Nothing bad happened and everyone is fine. So no need to mull over the thoughts he had when he was stressed.
I'm sorry my children for loving your mother more than everything. But I don't think I can change.
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Xing was peaceful with the decision she made. She wasn't displeased or felt like she needed more time in this realm. She felt her hand sting by the force Chenglei slapped it. Still it was nothing compared to the pain she was currently in and she looked pleadingly at Chenglei.
There is not much time left as she could feel the heartbeats of both the babies go dangerously low. They must be suffocating. She really didn't want her girls to die when she could save them. She could use her powers but she was too tired to gather that much of mental strength to use her powers and even then it would be hard to save her children.
On this situation, she knew the only way is for her to leave so that her two children live.
Chenglei felt his entire body go cold by her request. It seemed like she has arrived to a decision but how could he let her die? Just how?
He looked at her, pale and in deep suffering. She looked like she was holding her life in her hands and trying to get his permission to let go of her life. She was waiting for his approval for taking her last breath.
Sweat dripped on her face and a maid continued to wipe her and there was blood trickling down on the floor as she was sitting on the birthing chair while another maid was wiping it. The whole place looked gloomy and he felt his ear ring and head ached like it's being hammered.
She... Is in deep pain. She wants relief.
He knew, he could not understand her pain and he never could. He could now understand why she was adament on not letting him beside her. He wanted to faint.
How could a petite woman go through this? Is this how it is supposed to be? It should be... Otherwise why do they consider childbirth a trial itself.? It is something ideal to a woman, this pain and he could only watch and not participate in any way.
And this woman is his wife.
His wife, he married after much trouble and got together after literally going through trials...
His wife he has learnt not to be apart these past few years....
His wife who gave him every happiness a man could imagine of....
And she wants him to let her go?
Can he? Will he ever be able to?
She is a strong woman, he know. For her to be begging for death? No... She is not begging to die for her sake since she cannot bear the pain. She is not that weak. She is begging to die for the sake of the babies in her belly. She wants them to survive and she is going to trade her life for them.
Why?
Why is she willing to let go on her life for someone whose face she haven't seen yet? Why?
Why can't she be like that woman who birthed him who wanted her son, who was well over her shoulders to die for her to live?
Why?
Why does his wife wants to give up her life for someone who haven't seen this world yet?
Chenglei's thought wandered dangerously dark. For him, Xing is everything. Everyone else is expendable. For him, in his current state, the children in her belly, who are his blood, seemed distant and disconnected to him.
Why would they want to take his wife away from him to be born?
Xing noticed Chenglei turning dark as he teared up and soon his expression became sombre as if he had reached to a decision.
"It is your decision", he said and his throat was heavy and coarse and he coughed a bit and continued. His eyes looking at Xing, didn't have the usual gentleness but it was blank making Xing's heart clench.
It wasn't cold or angry, but it was bland as if he has given up everything.
"I will try and raise...", he pointed at her belly and searched for words, "Them", he breathed out finally finding a word. He had many words in his mind but none would have been appreciated by his wife.
"They have my wretched blood coursing through their veins after all" he gritted his teeth as he saw Xing taking deep breaths and screaming she had another set of contractions. She didn't hear what he said.
Yes, it is his blood that is making them hurt their mother right when they are trying to come out of her. Just like him!
"Good, now I can...", Xing tried to smile but she felt too weak to even move her muscles.
"But", his stern voice interjected her making her fatigued smile freeze.
"I will never love them and would take care of them only as an obligation"
Once they get married, he'd just join his wife, wherever she is!
"You...",Xing clenched her jaws to stop herself from swearing, "They are your children. How could you not love them? I don't believe you for a second", she then brushed it off.
She's seen how he is with their other children. He talked to these girls when they are in her belly, like a lovely father. How would he hate these babies, then?
He should be trying to change my mind.
"Huh!", he snorted seeing her reaction. It's not what he wanted.
"I'm not Akatsuki! I'm... Me! For me, you are everything! You think I will be able to love these... Monsters who swallow your life before they are born and... "
*Clang *
Blood dripped from his forehead as the jar beside Xing was thrown at him. She seemed to have used her every bit of strength. Her eyes glowed amber and the walls shook as if there was an earthquake.
Everyone in the room got so scared and wondered what they should do.
."Get out of my face!", Xing screamed and Chenglei left without turning back.
"If you want them to be loved, survive!", he said before he locked the door behind himself.
Uncle Feiye who listened to everything inside, knew he must have provoked Xing purposefully to give her a reason to live. His niece has unlimited strength inside her but now she is just confused. All she needed was a rude awakening to get her fired up.
Of course he cannot hurt her physically since she is already in a lot of pain that confused her. So he gave her a slap, emotionally. Now she would do her everything to survive.
Chenglei sitting on the floor, tried to listen in, but he couldn't hear anything. She must have sealed the entire room. If she used her powers, she will win.
But what will she choose? What will be a win for her?
"Am I a terrible man, father?", Chenglei asked Feiye who was shocked by him addressing him as 'father'. He never did when he lived with him and in the past years he didn't even talk to him.
'He must be really scared now and his deep thought might have come out somehow', Feiye concluded and he was pretty happy he was held in that position in his heart.
"I am, I know", Chenglei added and Feiye sat beside him silently.
"I meant what I said to her. I honestly don't think I'd be able to love my children if my wife dies. I hate myself for that but I really am not sure that I will be able to love them", he wept, bitterly.
"I'll just leave everything and go to seclusion if anything happens to her. Father-in-law will take good care of her children, I know. What will I do without her, father? I'd rather our children have a good role model as a father than me... I'm scum. How could she believe I'd be the same after she leaves me? If I didn't kill myself, I'd turn to the blood thirsty monster I once was. How would I be suitable to raise children? I'm not suitable... I never was... ", Chenglei kept on blabbering.
The death of Consort Jiang affected Chenglei greatly and he knew his brother must be hurting and he didn't want that for himself. He felt like he was going crazy with the pain he felt.
"Come on now, boy! Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Nothing bad has happened yet", Feiye patted his shoulders but it seemed like he didn't even listen.
Soon, the silence inside the room was lifted by the loud cries of two babies.
"Xing.. Xing!", Chenglei stood up and ran inside the room towards the birthing chair.
"Xing!", he screamed and maybe it was the pain in his voice or because they recognised their father or even because they didn't want to look at him, the children stopped crying.
Chenglei, like a blinded horse, walked to the chair to see Xing covered by a lot of maids and they all looked panicked as they cleaned her.
"What?", his voice shook as he walked near, "Why are her eyes closed?"
"Your highness...", the physician tried to speak.
"Xing?", he knelt beside Xing and placed his hands on her cheek. His hand felt cold.
No!
You didn't! Xing!
Not like this and not when you are angry at me.
"Her highness fainted of blood loss", one of the physicians spoke in a loud voice that jerked Chenglei. That's when he realised he felt cold in his hands because his hand is cold and not her.
She is alive! My Xing lives!
He picked her up and placed her on the bed after they cleaned her up and sat on the floor beside her bed, placing his head beside her hand, holding her hand and watched her pale face. Her thick eyelashes that looked like a fan didn't move and her chest moved up and down slightly indicating she is breathing.
Wake up! Wake up!
He didn't know how long he was chanting that but he could feel the warmth from her hand reaching him as his hands were covering hers.
This is enough!
He fell asleep since he too was tired and he too didn't sleep for more than a day. He was a human afterall.
Xing woke up after a while and the first thing she felt was the warmth in her hand and she looked to see Chenglei, sitting on the floor.
Her entire body hurt, especially her back and she couldn't feel her legs as she was in the birthing position for more than a day.
She didn't feel hungry but she knew she have to eat something if she needs to get better and she tried to call for the maids who were standing outside the wooden partition of their bedchamber.
Maybe because he sensed the slight movement, Chenglei woke up and sat up immediately and blood rushed to his brain, clouding his vision.
He rubbed his eyes and slowly he could see his wife. She was awake and seemed fine but she looked at him like he was air. He felt a pang of pain in his heart but he was happy that she is alive.
He got up and went outside and brought back some soups and medicines that were prepared for her already.
"The little princesses are with a wet nurse Lord Huang arranged. They both are fine and sleeping right now. If Princess Consort wishes to see them, I'd bring... "
"No need, let them rest", Xing waved the maid out and tried to sit up.
"Lian Lian?", she asked and the maid answered that he was with her first uncle.
Her uncle must have took him out to change his mood realising he was scared. Her uncle is always thoughtful and he loved her father a lot and that extended to his grandsons too.
Seeing her struggling to sit up, Chenglei helped her sit leaning on the headboard and sat beside her and looked at her deeply. Sensing her aversion towards him, he didn't say a word and started to blow the piping hot soup and started feeding her scoop by scoop and he was happy she didn't protest to accept food from him.
She has every right to be angry at him and he will be patient and coax her.
She stared at him and he felt uncomfortable and she pointed the porridge on the table. He thought she was still hungry and wants to eat but she pointed at him and so he ate. He couldn't hide his happiness. She loves him so much.
Seeing her extremely tired, without saying a word, he helped her get down on the bed and covered her with the blanket and tucked her in and sat by her side.
Xing slept for some more time and when she woke up next, he was still sitting in the same position, watching her.
Seeing her awake, he ran immediately to bring some water and helped her up. She couldn't even hold the cup and he helped her drink the water and placed the cup by the side.
Xing was extremely angry at him for calling their daughters 'monsters'. But then again, this is the man she fell in love with and married. His love and affection are limitless only towards her, and others... Well, they are others, Even if they are his children.
He could only be a good husband and nothing else.
He looked at the man looking at her guiltily and the gash above his eyebrow was deep. That's definitely going to scar. He said something bad and she hit him. She decided to let it go and not bring it up again.
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Without saying anything, she hugged him. She could sense him stressing up but soon she felt him enveloping her with his arms and he started to shake and she felt her shoulders getting wet. She let him cry. She definitely gave him a scare.
"I'm glad you knocked some sense into my brain that got delirious" she said after she felt like he composed himself. If left to her own devices, she'd be dead by now. He angered her and made her think of another way to keep herself and her children alive. He probably planned it. He probably didn't mean what he said.
Yes, Probably!
"I won't live without you,Xing. I'll follow you immediately. I don't care about any other responsibility", he said, his voice choking, and he wanted to squeeze her in his hug but stopped himself knowing she's in deep pain.
"What an irresponsible man I married! I got deceived ", she chuckled but the pain made her to stop and he gently patted her back.
"Lie down",he placed her on the bed.
"I'm irresponsible, alright. So be the responsible one for me", he kissed her forehead.
"You cannot immediately follow me, idiot. You'll have to Bury me and grieve me for at least a week for everything you put me through", she couldn't keep her eyes open and with the corners of her lips slightly raised, she fell asleep.
"A day turned to a week now?", Chenglei fixed her stray hairs. She had asked him the same thing a long time ago and asked him to grieve for her for a day for leaving her alone for ten years. Now his punishment has multiplied by seven it seems.
"I'll die on the same day you died, Xing. I'll grieve for a year. Will that make you happy?", he mumbled and a smile formed on his lips.
He saw Lian Lian waiting by the door and he got up and went to him.
"Is mother fine now? She is not dead, is she?", he was panicked. Even though he loved his father more, his mother is the root of the family that holds the big tree, providing for them. Cut the root, the tree will wither soon. So will their family. He knew.
"Mother is just resting. Shall we meet your sisters?", Chenglei held his son's hand and guided him.
As he walked he felt the weight of the guilt on him but he took a deep breath. Nothing bad happened and everyone is fine. So no need to mull over the thoughts he had when he was stressed.
I'm sorry my children for loving your mother more than everything. But I don't think I can change.
Xing was peaceful with the decision she made. She wasn't displeased or felt like she needed more time in this realm. She felt her hand sting by the force Chenglei slapped it. Still it was nothing compared to the pain she was currently in and she looked pleadingly at Chenglei.There is not much time left as she could feel the heartbeats of both the babies go dangerously low. They must be suffocating. She really didn't want her girls to die when she could save them. She could use her powers but she was too tired to gather that much of mental strength to use her powers and even then it would be hard to save her children.On this situation, she knew the only way is for her to leave so that her two children live.Chenglei felt his entire body go cold by her request. It seemed like she has arrived to a decision but how could he let her die? Just how?He looked at her, pale and in deep suffering. She looked like she was holding her life in her hands and trying to get his permission to let go of her life. She was waiting for his approval for taking her last breath.Sweat dripped on her face and a maid continued to wipe her and there was blood trickling down on the floor as she was sitting on the birthing chair while another maid was wiping it. The whole place looked gloomy and he felt his ear ring and head ached like it's being hammered.She... Is in deep pain. She wants relief.He knew, he could not understand her pain and he never could. He could now understand why she was adament on not letting him beside her. He wanted to faint.How could a petite woman go through this? Is this how it is supposed to be? It should be... Otherwise why do they consider childbirth a trial itself.? It is something ideal to a woman, this pain and he could only watch and not participate in any way.And this woman is his wife.His wife, he married after much trouble and got together after literally going through trials...His wife he has learnt not to be apart these past few years....His wife who gave him every happiness a man could imagine of....And she wants him to let her go?Can he? Will he ever be able to?She is a strong woman, he know. For her to be begging for death? No... She is not begging to die for her sake since she cannot bear the pain. She is not that weak. She is begging to die for the sake of the babies in her belly. She wants them to survive and she is going to trade her life for them.Why?Why is she willing to let go on her life for someone whose face she haven't seen yet? Why?Why can't she be like that woman who birthed him who wanted her son, who was well over her shoulders to die for her to live?Why?Why does his wife wants to give up her life for someone who haven't seen this world yet?Chenglei's thought wandered dangerously dark. For him, Xing is everything. Everyone else is expendable. For him, in his current state, the children in her belly, who are his blood, seemed distant and disconnected to him.Why would they want to take his wife away from him to be born?Xing noticed Chenglei turning dark as he teared up and soon his expression became sombre as if he had reached to a decision."It is your decision", he said and his throat was heavy and coarse and he coughed a bit and continued. His eyes looking at Xing, didn't have the usual gentleness but it was blank making Xing's heart clench.It wasn't cold or angry, but it was bland as if he has given up everything."I will try and raise...", he pointed at her belly and searched for words, "Them", he breathed out finally finding a word. He had many words in his mind but none would have been appreciated by his wife."They have my wretched blood coursing through their veins after all" he gritted his teeth as he saw Xing taking deep breaths and screaming she had another set of contractions. She didn't hear what he said.Yes, it is his blood that is making them hurt their mother right when they are trying to come out of her. Just like him!"Good, now I can...", Xing tried to smile but she felt too weak to even move her muscles."But", his stern voice interjected her making her fatigued smile freeze."I will never love them and would take care of them only as an obligation"Once they get married, he'd just join his wife, wherever she is!"You...",Xing clenched her jaws to stop herself from swearing, "They are your children. How could you not love them? I don't believe you for a second", she then brushed it off.She's seen how he is with their other children. He talked to these girls when they are in her belly, like a lovely father. How would he hate these babies, then?He should be trying to change my mind."Huh!", he snorted seeing her reaction. It's not what he wanted."I'm not Akatsuki! I'm... Me! For me, you are everything! You think I will be able to love these... Monsters who swallow your life before they are born and... "*Clang *Blood dripped from his forehead as the jar beside Xing was thrown at him. She seemed to have used her every bit of strength. Her eyes glowed amber and the walls shook as if there was an earthquake.Everyone in the room got so scared and wondered what they should do.."Get out of my face!", Xing screamed and Chenglei left without turning back."If you want them to be loved, survive!", he said before he locked the door behind himself.Uncle Feiye who listened to everything inside, knew he must have provoked Xing purposefully to give her a reason to live. His niece has unlimited strength inside her but now she is just confused. All she needed was a rude awakening to get her fired up.Of course he cannot hurt her physically since she is already in a lot of pain that confused her. So he gave her a slap, emotionally. Now she would do her everything to survive.Chenglei sitting on the floor, tried to listen in, but he couldn't hear anything. She must have sealed the entire room. If she used her powers, she will win.But what will she choose? What will be a win for her?"Am I a terrible man, father?", Chenglei asked Feiye who was shocked by him addressing him as 'father'. He never did when he lived with him and in the past years he didn't even talk to him.'He must be really scared now and his deep thought might have come out somehow', Feiye concluded and he was pretty happy he was held in that position in his heart."I am, I know", Chenglei added and Feiye sat beside him silently."I meant what I said to her. I honestly don't think I'd be able to love my children if my wife dies. I hate myself for that but I really am not sure that I will be able to love them", he wept, bitterly."I'll just leave everything and go to seclusion if anything happens to her. Father-in-law will take good care of her children, I know. What will I do without her, father? I'd rather our children have a good role model as a father than me... I'm scum. How could she believe I'd be the same after she leaves me? If I didn't kill myself, I'd turn to the blood thirsty monster I once was. How would I be suitable to raise children? I'm not suitable... I never was... ", Chenglei kept on blabbering.The death of Consort Jiang affected Chenglei greatly and he knew his brother must be hurting and he didn't want that for himself. He felt like he was going crazy with the pain he felt."Come on now, boy! Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Nothing bad has happened yet", Feiye patted his shoulders but it seemed like he didn't even listen.Soon, the silence inside the room was lifted by the loud cries of two babies."Xing.. Xing!", Chenglei stood up and ran inside the room towards the birthing chair."Xing!", he screamed and maybe it was the pain in his voice or because they recognised their father or even because they didn't want to look at him, the children stopped crying.Chenglei, like a blinded horse, walked to the chair to see Xing covered by a lot of maids and they all looked panicked as they cleaned her."What?", his voice shook as he walked near, "Why are her eyes closed?""Your highness...", the physician tried to speak."Xing?", he knelt beside Xing and placed his hands on her cheek. His hand felt cold.No!You didn't! Xing!Not like this and not when you are angry at me."Her highness fainted of blood loss", one of the physicians spoke in a loud voice that jerked Chenglei. That's when he realised he felt cold in his hands because his hand is cold and not her.She is alive! My Xing lives!He picked her up and placed her on the bed after they cleaned her up and sat on the floor beside her bed, placing his head beside her hand, holding her hand and watched her pale face. Her thick eyelashes that looked like a fan didn't move and her chest moved up and down slightly indicating she is breathing.Wake up! Wake up!He didn't know how long he was chanting that but he could feel the warmth from her hand reaching him as his hands were covering hers.This is enough!He fell asleep since he too was tired and he too didn't sleep for more than a day. He was a human afterall.Xing woke up after a while and the first thing she felt was the warmth in her hand and she looked to see Chenglei, sitting on the floor.Her entire body hurt, especially her back and she couldn't feel her legs as she was in the birthing position for more than a day.She didn't feel hungry but she knew she have to eat something if she needs to get better and she tried to call for the maids who were standing outside the wooden partition of their bedchamber.Maybe because he sensed the slight movement, Chenglei woke up and sat up immediately and blood rushed to his brain, clouding his vision.He rubbed his eyes and slowly he could see his wife. She was awake and seemed fine but she looked at him like he was air. He felt a pang of pain in his heart but he was happy that she is alive.He got up and went outside and brought back some soups and medicines that were prepared for her already."The little princesses are with a wet nurse Lord Huang arranged. They both are fine and sleeping right now. If Princess Consort wishes to see them, I'd bring... ""No need, let them rest", Xing waved the maid out and tried to sit up."Lian Lian?", she asked and the maid answered that he was with her first uncle.Her uncle must have took him out to change his mood realising he was scared. Her uncle is always thoughtful and he loved her father a lot and that extended to his grandsons too.Seeing her struggling to sit up, Chenglei helped her sit leaning on the headboard and sat beside her and looked at her deeply. Sensing her aversion towards him, he didn't say a word and started to blow the piping hot soup and started feeding her scoop by scoop and he was happy she didn't protest to accept food from him.She has every right to be angry at him and he will be patient and coax her.She stared at him and he felt uncomfortable and she pointed the porridge on the table. He thought she was still hungry and wants to eat but she pointed at him and so he ate. He couldn't hide his happiness. She loves him so much.Seeing her extremely tired, without saying a word, he helped her get down on the bed and covered her with the blanket and tucked her in and sat by her side.Xing slept for some more time and when she woke up next, he was still sitting in the same position, watching her.Seeing her awake, he ran immediately to bring some water and helped her up. She couldn't even hold the cup and he helped her drink the water and placed the cup by the side.Xing was extremely angry at him for calling their daughters 'monsters'. But then again, this is the man she fell in love with and married. His love and affection are limitless only towards her, and others... Well, they are others, Even if they are his children.He could only be a good husband and nothing else.He looked at the man looking at her guiltily and the gash above his eyebrow was deep. That's definitely going to scar. He said something bad and she hit him. She decided to let it go and not bring it up again. Find authorized novels in Webnovelfaster updates, better experiencePlease click www.webnovel.com for visiting. Without saying anything, she hugged him. She could sense him stressing up but soon she felt him enveloping her with his arms and he started to shake and she felt her shoulders getting wet. She let him cry. She definitely gave him a scare."I'm glad you knocked some sense into my brain that got delirious" she said after she felt like he composed himself. If left to her own devices, she'd be dead by now. He angered her and made her think of another way to keep herself and her children alive. He probably planned it. He probably didn't mean what he said.Yes, Probably!"I won't live without you,Xing. I'll follow you immediately. I don't care about any other responsibility", he said, his voice choking, and he wanted to squeeze her in his hug but stopped himself knowing she's in deep pain."What an irresponsible man I married! I got deceived ", she chuckled but the pain made her to stop and he gently patted her back."Lie down",he placed her on the bed."I'm irresponsible, alright. So be the responsible one for me", he kissed her forehead."You cannot immediately follow me, idiot. You'll have to Bury me and grieve me for at least a week for everything you put me through", she couldn't keep her eyes open and with the corners of her lips slightly raised, she fell asleep."A day turned to a week now?", Chenglei fixed her stray hairs. She had asked him the same thing a long time ago and asked him to grieve for her for a day for leaving her alone for ten years. Now his punishment has multiplied by seven it seems."I'll die on the same day you died, Xing. I'll grieve for a year. Will that make you happy?", he mumbled and a smile formed on his lips.He saw Lian Lian waiting by the door and he got up and went to him."Is mother fine now? She is not dead, is she?", he was panicked. Even though he loved his father more, his mother is the root of the family that holds the big tree, providing for them. Cut the root, the tree will wither soon. So will their family. He knew."Mother is just resting. Shall we meet your sisters?", Chenglei held his son's hand and guided him.As he walked he felt the weight of the guilt on him but he took a deep breath. Nothing bad happened and everyone is fine. So no need to mull over the thoughts he had when he was stressed.I'm sorry my children for loving your mother more than everything. But I don't think I can change.
