Not being human, doesn’t matter to me.
Even being a weapon, even if everything was lies, as long as I am Nanaki then that is fine. If my way of living does not change, then that is fine.
But, there is a curse placed on us weapons.
The curse is changing me.
The other me in my heart screaming that it is painful, sad, lonely, is rampaging, seeking for a warmth I should not know, for someone I do not remember. That intense sadness wailed in my heart and torments me with desolation that feels like it would tear me apart.
Gone. Gone. Nowhere to be found.
People are gone. Humans are gone. I cannot be, loved by humans.
The curse to love humans.
Because of the curse that started the instant strong self-awareness that I’m a human sprouted, my heart is being destroyed. What was precious, what I thought was beautiful, what I loved, are eroded by the curse and crumble away. They are consumed into a black, dark something.
“……u…………gu……aah……!”
“Na, Nanaki……?”
In the desolation that is driving me insane, I heard Envy’s voice.
Good, I’m still alive.
But I probably, cannot stop the next time.
“Nanaki!? What’s wrong! What happened!”
Envy’s voice that is extremely worried for me, did not sound special.
Even though it is a person I love, a precious person, the curse kills my feelings. Not human, not human, not human. She is, not human. I can’t even snort at and dismiss that hellish whisper right now.
——I need to get away.
The next time my heart rampages again, I will kill this person.
It was a miracle that I could barely control the lighting that erased the whole area around us. Next time, I cannot protect her. With the heart that loves humans, this breaking heart that is whirling in the sadness of losing humans, can no longer protect Envy who is not human.
So.
“En……vy……”
“Nanaki!? Are you okay!? What happened!”
This person’s heart, must be worried about me.
Even though I should understand that, I don’t feel anything. Can’t feel anything. The instinct as a weapon, the other me to yearns for humans and screams, is killing my heart that has lived as a human.
But even so, there is enough of that heart left to tell this person who is worried about me to a pathetic extent, to run.
“Next time……when, when, you see me, if I seem weird, tsk, definitely, do not, come……close……a……”
“What are……wa, wait! Wait Nanaki! Where are……!”
This, this is fine.
With this smart person, she will definitely think of the meaning.
If I told her the truth, then this person would also gain awareness of being a weapon. After awakening from the dream, it is an unbearable hell. She will be killed by this cruel curse of desperately yearning for humans, even though there are none.
That’s why, this is fine.
“Nanaki————!!”
Envy’s voice calling for me, fell away into the distance instantly.
I don’t know what to do next in this world without humans. Having gained self-awareness of being a weapon, there is no way I can be by anyone’s side. But, even if I know that, I want to confirm it. Just possibly, if it was master, if I met him who said he liked Nanaki, this curse might be broken.
I know that is impossible.
But, there is nothing else I can cling onto.
Faster, faster faster faster.
Become lightning and dash through the sky.
Before I am no longer Nanaki. While I can still like everyone.
“…………”
I can see the estate.
My only home. The precious memories there, are already becoming something meaningless. I should have seen beautiful things. I should have seen definite pride. Yet, yet why, is my heart disappearing like this. Why can’t I forgive the people here, my precious people, for not being human.
“Ju, just as I thought it was a monster, it was you……at, at least contain your mana……seriously……an, and what’s that look? Your eyes are really red though, are, are you okay?”
“……Aiysha.”
When I landed in the estate’s garden, Aiysha jumped out first with an expression I had never seen before. I have never shown Aiysha my divine arms manifestation. It is not impossible that she would be shaken by it. But right now, each sentence is annoying.
“Master……where is master?”
“Where……usually, he would be in the study. And, are you going in that outfit?”
“……ut……up……”
No. Can’t.
I cannot be considerate of Aiysha. Even though she has done nothing wrong. Even though it’s just that she is not human. Even though that is all.
“Wh, what are you mad about……”
I ignored Aiysha’s mutter and hurried to the study.
There is probably, not much time left.
“……”
Once I cancelled the divine arms manifestation, my body felt very heavy.
Did I use too much power? Or is the heart having effects on the body? It doesn’t matter anymore. Right now, I need to meet master, and confirm it. Even though I think that, my footsteps keep getting heavier.
Scary.
If, this does not break the curse, the me as a weapon will curse and kill the human called Nanaki. That truth is unbearably scary. But I must keep going forward. Even if slight, if there is a chance of breaking this curse, I will bet on it.
I have dealt with fear many times before.
I have survived each time and told myself that Nanaki is special.
That’s why I’ll definitely survive this time too.
Ever if I am swallowed by the curse.
“Master!”
——I’ll definitely devour the me as a weapon.
“…………Nanaki?”
A while after I forcefully opened the door to the study with a loud noise.
With a slightly surprised expression, master called my name.
The eyes the colour of the sky that Mother loved looked at me. His golden hair glittered in the light shining in from the window, the features with dignity like in the past……no, much more than that time. My master who has shown splendid growth.
Definitely, not just anyone would have worked.
Yet, the current me cannot prove that.
“That’s fast. Have you dealt with it?”
The current me——that sees him and feels nothing.
As expected, the curse was not broken.
Not human, a fake master.
“…………!”
Yet.
Then at least, there is one last thing to tell him.
By now it has become so small I don’t even know where it is, but there should have been precious feelings that I had felt. Even if I can’t feel it now, I want to at least convey to him that clear feeling that I once had.
“Master……no! Zean……Zean Alfred!”
Even if it was all a dream.
I, Nanaki definitely had that.
The love towards the man called Zean Alfred.
Wishing to have him, vowing to obtain him.
“I……I! Nanaki! lo————!
Wanted to love, you, who is not a human.
“————I……I……I……?”
“Nanaki?”
——……ah, I didn’t make it.
Not like me. If it would become like this, then I should have just said it earlier, but there is no way I could have expected this. I do not feel like blaming myself. Nobody would think they are not human. Moreover, there is no way anyone would imagine they are a cursed, flawed weapon.
“Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird.”
“Ah, no. It is nothing.”
While answering absentmindedly, I confirmed my condition.
I have memories. Rather then becoming someone else, it is more like deleting the unnecessary parts for a weapon. My heart has been reorganised enough to say that everything before this was playing at being human. That is if you can call this thing that is easily remolded a heart though.
Still, it is a lot easier than when I gained awareness that I am a weapon.
The sadness of humans being gone, the pain of being unable to meet humans, the loneliness of not being able to be loved by humans, they have not disappeared, but this way, I can still endure it. If I relaxed, it feels like I would lose control and really cry out this time, but I can endure this. I can’t, break yet.
“Nanaki?”
Nanaki.
I know that is referring to me but, hm, should I answer to that. It is certainly the same as in my memories and I have not become someone else. Yet there is no way the current me can forgive myself who has lived as a human. If there were two bodies, I would tear the human one from limb to limb and completely and utterly kill her.
But still, it does not change the fact that I am also Nanaki.
I can no longer respect and love things that are proud or beautiful like then. Those that I once thought were bright, beautiful, if it is not humans, I can feel no respect. No one would look at glowing bugs and think of wanting to glow like bugs.
“Is there something wrong?”
Well, it is weird to refrain because of myself just a while ago, it should be fine to respond normally here. Now that I am done with acting human, what I should do is not that difficult.
“No, you were about to say something just now……what was it?”
“Ah, about that……”
Now, let’s quickly clear away the past.
There’s no longer any point being here anyway.
“Can I resign from being a maid?”
Not being human, doesn’t matter to me.
Even being a weapon, even if everything was lies, as long as I am Nanaki then that is fine. If my way of living does not change, then that is fine.
But, there is a curse placed on us weapons.
The curse is changing me.
The other me in my heart screaming that it is painful, sad, lonely, is rampaging, seeking for a warmth I should not know, for someone I do not remember. That intense sadness wailed in my heart and torments me with desolation that feels like it would tear me apart.
Gone. Gone. Nowhere to be found.
People are gone. Humans are gone. I cannot be, loved by humans.
The curse to love humans.
Because of the curse that started the instant strong self-awareness that I’m a human sprouted, my heart is being destroyed. What was precious, what I thought was beautiful, what I loved, are eroded by the curse and crumble away. They are consumed into a black, dark something.
“……u…………gu……aah……!”
“Na, Nanaki……?”
In the desolation that is driving me insane, I heard Envy’s voice.
Good, I’m still alive.
But I probably, cannot stop the next time.
“Nanaki!? What’s wrong! What happened!”
Envy’s voice that is extremely worried for me, did not sound special.
Even though it is a person I love, a precious person, the curse kills my feelings. Not human, not human, not human. She is, not human. I can’t even snort at and dismiss that hellish whisper right now.
——I need to get away.
The next time my heart rampages again, I will kill this person.
It was a miracle that I could barely control the lighting that erased the whole area around us. Next time, I cannot protect her. With the heart that loves humans, this breaking heart that is whirling in the sadness of losing humans, can no longer protect Envy who is not human.
So.
“En……vy……”
“Nanaki!? Are you okay!? What happened!”
This person’s heart, must be worried about me.
Even though I should understand that, I don’t feel anything. Can’t feel anything. The instinct as a weapon, the other me to yearns for humans and screams, is killing my heart that has lived as a human.
But even so, there is enough of that heart left to tell this person who is worried about me to a pathetic extent, to run.
“Next time……when, when, you see me, if I seem weird, tsk, definitely, do not, come……close……a……”
“What are……wa, wait! Wait Nanaki! Where are……!”
This, this is fine.
With this smart person, she will definitely think of the meaning.
If I told her the truth, then this person would also gain awareness of being a weapon. After awakening from the dream, it is an unbearable hell. She will be killed by this cruel curse of desperately yearning for humans, even though there are none.
That’s why, this is fine.
“Nanaki————!!”
Envy’s voice calling for me, fell away into the distance instantly.
I don’t know what to do next in this world without humans. Having gained self-awareness of being a weapon, there is no way I can be by anyone’s side. But, even if I know that, I want to confirm it. Just possibly, if it was master, if I met him who said he liked Nanaki, this curse might be broken.
I know that is impossible.
But, there is nothing else I can cling onto.
Faster, faster faster faster.
Become lightning and dash through the sky.
Before I am no longer Nanaki. While I can still like everyone.
“…………”
I can see the estate.
My only home. The precious memories there, are already becoming something meaningless. I should have seen beautiful things. I should have seen definite pride. Yet, yet why, is my heart disappearing like this. Why can’t I forgive the people here, my precious people, for not being human.
“Ju, just as I thought it was a monster, it was you……at, at least contain your mana……seriously……an, and what’s that look? Your eyes are really red though, are, are you okay?”
“……Aiysha.”
When I landed in the estate’s garden, Aiysha jumped out first with an expression I had never seen before. I have never shown Aiysha my divine arms manifestation. It is not impossible that she would be shaken by it. But right now, each sentence is annoying.
“Master……where is master?”
“Where……usually, he would be in the study. And, are you going in that outfit?”
“……ut……up……”
No. Can’t.
I cannot be considerate of Aiysha. Even though she has done nothing wrong. Even though it’s just that she is not human. Even though that is all.
“Wh, what are you mad about……”
I ignored Aiysha’s mutter and hurried to the study.
There is probably, not much time left.
“……”
Once I cancelled the divine arms manifestation, my body felt very heavy.
Did I use too much power? Or is the heart having effects on the body? It doesn’t matter anymore. Right now, I need to meet master, and confirm it. Even though I think that, my footsteps keep getting heavier.
Scary.
If, this does not break the curse, the me as a weapon will curse and kill the human called Nanaki. That truth is unbearably scary. But I must keep going forward. Even if slight, if there is a chance of breaking this curse, I will bet on it.
I have dealt with fear many times before.
I have survived each time and told myself that Nanaki is special.
That’s why I’ll definitely survive this time too.
Ever if I am swallowed by the curse.
“Master!”
——I’ll definitely devour the me as a weapon.
“…………Nanaki?”
A while after I forcefully opened the door to the study with a loud noise.
With a slightly surprised expression, master called my name.
The eyes the colour of the sky that Mother loved looked at me. His golden hair glittered in the light shining in from the window, the features with dignity like in the past……no, much more than that time. My master who has shown splendid growth.
Definitely, not just anyone would have worked.
Yet, the current me cannot prove that.
“That’s fast. Have you dealt with it?”
The current me——that sees him and feels nothing.
As expected, the curse was not broken.
Not human, a fake master.
“…………!”
Yet.
Then at least, there is one last thing to tell him.
By now it has become so small I don’t even know where it is, but there should have been precious feelings that I had felt. Even if I can’t feel it now, I want to at least convey to him that clear feeling that I once had.
“Master……no! Zean……Zean Alfred!”
Even if it was all a dream.
I, Nanaki definitely had that.
The love towards the man called Zean Alfred.
Wishing to have him, vowing to obtain him.
“I……I! Nanaki! lo————!
Wanted to love, you, who is not a human.
“————I……I……I……?”
“Nanaki?”
——……ah, I didn’t make it.
Not like me. If it would become like this, then I should have just said it earlier, but there is no way I could have expected this. I do not feel like blaming myself. Nobody would think they are not human. Moreover, there is no way anyone would imagine they are a cursed, flawed weapon.
“Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird.”
“Ah, no. It is nothing.”
While answering absentmindedly, I confirmed my condition.
I have memories. Rather then becoming someone else, it is more like deleting the unnecessary parts for a weapon. My heart has been reorganised enough to say that everything before this was playing at being human. That is if you can call this thing that is easily remolded a heart though.
Still, it is a lot easier than when I gained awareness that I am a weapon.
The sadness of humans being gone, the pain of being unable to meet humans, the loneliness of not being able to be loved by humans, they have not disappeared, but this way, I can still endure it. If I relaxed, it feels like I would lose control and really cry out this time, but I can endure this. I can’t, break yet.
“Nanaki?”
Nanaki.
I know that is referring to me but, hm, should I answer to that. It is certainly the same as in my memories and I have not become someone else. Yet there is no way the current me can forgive myself who has lived as a human. If there were two bodies, I would tear the human one from limb to limb and completely and utterly kill her.
But still, it does not change the fact that I am also Nanaki.
I can no longer respect and love things that are proud or beautiful like then. Those that I once thought were bright, beautiful, if it is not humans, I can feel no respect. No one would look at glowing bugs and think of wanting to glow like bugs.
“Is there something wrong?”
Well, it is weird to refrain because of myself just a while ago, it should be fine to respond normally here. Now that I am done with acting human, what I should do is not that difficult.
“No, you were about to say something just now……what was it?”
“Ah, about that……”
Now, let’s quickly clear away the past.
There’s no longer any point being here anyway.
“Can I resign from being a maid?”
