Chapter 153
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Su Yan pursed his lips and stared at the screen of his phone for a while before he just opened the system on his notebook. He navigated back to the practice tasks for beginnings and this time he chose the option where he could upload a first version of the start of his novel.
He wasn't sure if it would even work considering that it was only one chapter and even such a short one and that the system would count a fifth of the whole story as the beginning. But he really didn't know what else to do. The hints the system had given him were probably not that bad but he had no idea how to implement them. So … maybe it would become easier if the system gave him some feedback for this scene specifically.
Well, the system had at least no problem with judging this scene as his beginning. As soon as Su Yan clicked on [submit] it started working and a row of messages once again rolled across the screen.
[Evaluating setting.]
[Evaluating characters.]
[Identifying main characters.]
[Evaluating style.]
[Evaluating incorporation of information (IncIn).]
[Evaluating probability of grabbing reader's attention (GRAP).]
Su Yan blinked. Ah! These two were new! So the system would consider things that were important for what he was practicing? This wasn't bad, ah! He leaned back and watched as the next messages appeared. The really important thing was the ratings, though! Oh, and the suggestions, of course.
[Identifying problems.]
[Compiling suggestions for improvement.]
[Appraising skill level.]
[Organizing results.]
[Setting: 4/5
Characters: 4/5
Style: 4/5
Incin: 3/5
GRAP: 3/5
Overall rating: 3.6/5
Evaluation: The host has managed to provide basic information about the setting, characters, and development of the story. The potentially generated interest of readers is judged to be moderate. Please try implementing the following suggestions for improvement.
1) Characters: The character 'Dou Fang Hai' is judged to be the main character. Other characters are judged to be supporting characters. Try to raise the presence of the main character through showing more of his interactions with the supporting characters or the reaction of the people in his surroundings. Show why this person is your main character and not someone else.
2) IncIn & GRAP: The reader is provided with basic information about the story concerning the characters and setting. Information or hints regarding the future development are lacking. Try adding at least one hint of what's to come.
3) Uniqueness: The scene placed in the beginning shows a general situation that could happen to anyone and highlights neither the uniqueness of the story nor the specialness of the host's main character. Try adding something unique to the scene or place another scene at the beginning to highlight what is special about the story.]
Su Yan blinked and read the three suggestions again. Afterward … he read them for the third time. He still didn't know what to do though.
He frowned and scratched his head. Alright, the first one wasn't that strange. He could show how Dou Fang Hai made his way to the stage, for example, or write more about how he interacted with the female disciple. Maybe he could even add a bit of interaction with the other disciples.
But the other two suggestions eluded Su Yan completely. What kind of hint should he add regarding the future development? Put an arguing couple in the audience in front of the stage? Or hint that the two male disciples on the stage were a couple that was suppressed by the female disciple? But even then that wouldn't show anything of the later trouble between Dou Fang Hai and Ziju An.
Eh? Maybe he shouldn't just put disciples there but instead one of the Elders of the sect, too? Maybe the master of one of them?
"Ah!" Su Yan leaped to his feet, startling Nie Chang so much that he nearly dropped the smartphone he was repairing.
Nie Chang hurriedly caught it before it could fall to the ground. He put it back on the table and took a relieved breath. The repair shop might not be his principal source of income but he still couldn't ruin something a customer had brought in. Only then did he turn around to Su Yan but it was already too late.
His boyfriend had already charged at him and hugged him, giving him a big smack on the cheek.
"Ah Chang! I finally found what to do! Oh my god, this system is so great! I'm just a genius! Don't you also think that I'm the best? Ah, never mind, I have to write this now!"
He let go of Nie Chang just as fast as he had hugged him and hurried back to his seat, his fingers already flying over the keyboard before his buttocks had really hit the chair.
He didn't notice at all how Nie Chang was staring at him and that the few customers, that had come in in the meantime, were looking at him strangely. He was completely concentrated on his sudden insight.
Ah, this was the perfect idea! Unfortunately, he'd have to rewrite quite a bit and even add another scene. But, well, he didn't mind as long as he got a perfect beginning for his second story. And he was sure that this time he had found the right one! Mn, first of all, he had to write the new first scene.
[A light breeze made the leaves of the trees on the Jin Shan Mountain sway and carried the voices of a few men a few steps away from a palace standing exactly at the peak.
"Then for the spiritual test, I want to propose using a large-scale illusion. This would have the advantage —"
"We all know what that means, Peak Master Fan. But that isn't the true question here. I'm still in favor of separating them based on their aptitude first. We shouldn't waste resources on disciples that won't be able to achieve anything anyway."
"Wasting resources? Won't achieve anything? Peak Master Su, you must be joking. Aptitude might limit the possibilities a disciple has but it can't deter someone who really wants to achieve something."
"That —"
From the highest seat in the main hall sounded a light sigh. The two men who had been arguing for nearly an hour immediately shut up and looked at the man up there with fawning expressions.
"Sect Master Xue has decided which idea to use already?"
"The Sect Master is wise as expected!"
The Sect Master of the Jin Shan Sect, Xue Chang Fu, placed his elbow on the left armrest of his chair, propped up his chin on his hand and turned to the side. "Senior Martial Brother Ziju, what do you think?"]
Hurhurhur. Su Yan stopped typing and rubbed his hands. Ah, so great! This definitely was the best way to introduce his male lead! And it was so much more exciting and unique than Dou Fang Hai seeing those three disciples on the stage. He really felt like he was on the right track this time.
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
Su Yan pursed his lips and stared at the screen of his phone for a while before he just opened the system on his notebook. He navigated back to the practice tasks for beginnings and this time he chose the option where he could upload a first version of the start of his novel.
He wasn't sure if it would even work considering that it was only one chapter and even such a short one and that the system would count a fifth of the whole story as the beginning. But he really didn't know what else to do. The hints the system had given him were probably not that bad but he had no idea how to implement them. So … maybe it would become easier if the system gave him some feedback for this scene specifically.
Well, the system had at least no problem with judging this scene as his beginning. As soon as Su Yan clicked on [submit] it started working and a row of messages once again rolled across the screen.
[Evaluating setting.]
[Evaluating characters.]
[Identifying main characters.]
[Evaluating style.]
[Evaluating incorporation of information (IncIn).]
[Evaluating probability of grabbing reader's attention (GRAP).]
Su Yan blinked. Ah! These two were new! So the system would consider things that were important for what he was practicing? This wasn't bad, ah! He leaned back and watched as the next messages appeared. The really important thing was the ratings, though! Oh, and the suggestions, of course.
[Identifying problems.]
[Compiling suggestions for improvement.]
[Appraising skill level.]
[Organizing results.]
[Setting: 4/5
Characters: 4/5
Style: 4/5
Incin: 3/5
GRAP: 3/5
Overall rating: 3.6/5
Evaluation: The host has managed to provide basic information about the setting, characters, and development of the story. The potentially generated interest of readers is judged to be moderate. Please try implementing the following suggestions for improvement.
1) Characters: The character 'Dou Fang Hai' is judged to be the main character. Other characters are judged to be supporting characters. Try to raise the presence of the main character through showing more of his interactions with the supporting characters or the reaction of the people in his surroundings. Show why this person is your main character and not someone else.
2) IncIn & GRAP: The reader is provided with basic information about the story concerning the characters and setting. Information or hints regarding the future development are lacking. Try adding at least one hint of what's to come.
3) Uniqueness: The scene placed in the beginning shows a general situation that could happen to anyone and highlights neither the uniqueness of the story nor the specialness of the host's main character. Try adding something unique to the scene or place another scene at the beginning to highlight what is special about the story.]
Su Yan blinked and read the three suggestions again. Afterward … he read them for the third time. He still didn't know what to do though.
He frowned and scratched his head. Alright, the first one wasn't that strange. He could show how Dou Fang Hai made his way to the stage, for example, or write more about how he interacted with the female disciple. Maybe he could even add a bit of interaction with the other disciples.
But the other two suggestions eluded Su Yan completely. What kind of hint should he add regarding the future development? Put an arguing couple in the audience in front of the stage? Or hint that the two male disciples on the stage were a couple that was suppressed by the female disciple? But even then that wouldn't show anything of the later trouble between Dou Fang Hai and Ziju An.
Eh? Maybe he shouldn't just put disciples there but instead one of the Elders of the sect, too? Maybe the master of one of them?
"Ah!" Su Yan leaped to his feet, startling Nie Chang so much that he nearly dropped the smartphone he was repairing.
Nie Chang hurriedly caught it before it could fall to the ground. He put it back on the table and took a relieved breath. The repair shop might not be his principal source of income but he still couldn't ruin something a customer had brought in. Only then did he turn around to Su Yan but it was already too late.
His boyfriend had already charged at him and hugged him, giving him a big smack on the cheek.
"Ah Chang! I finally found what to do! Oh my god, this system is so great! I'm just a genius! Don't you also think that I'm the best? Ah, never mind, I have to write this now!"
He let go of Nie Chang just as fast as he had hugged him and hurried back to his seat, his fingers already flying over the keyboard before his buttocks had really hit the chair.
He didn't notice at all how Nie Chang was staring at him and that the few customers, that had come in in the meantime, were looking at him strangely. He was completely concentrated on his sudden insight.
Ah, this was the perfect idea! Unfortunately, he'd have to rewrite quite a bit and even add another scene. But, well, he didn't mind as long as he got a perfect beginning for his second story. And he was sure that this time he had found the right one! Mn, first of all, he had to write the new first scene.
[A light breeze made the leaves of the trees on the Jin Shan Mountain sway and carried the voices of a few men a few steps away from a palace standing exactly at the peak.
"Then for the spiritual test, I want to propose using a large-scale illusion. This would have the advantage —"
"We all know what that means, Peak Master Fan. But that isn't the true question here. I'm still in favor of separating them based on their aptitude first. We shouldn't waste resources on disciples that won't be able to achieve anything anyway."
"Wasting resources? Won't achieve anything? Peak Master Su, you must be joking. Aptitude might limit the possibilities a disciple has but it can't deter someone who really wants to achieve something."
"That —"
From the highest seat in the main hall sounded a light sigh. The two men who had been arguing for nearly an hour immediately shut up and looked at the man up there with fawning expressions.
"Sect Master Xue has decided which idea to use already?"
"The Sect Master is wise as expected!"
The Sect Master of the Jin Shan Sect, Xue Chang Fu, placed his elbow on the left armrest of his chair, propped up his chin on his hand and turned to the side. "Senior Martial Brother Ziju, what do you think?"]
Hurhurhur. Su Yan stopped typing and rubbed his hands. Ah, so great! This definitely was the best way to introduce his male lead! And it was so much more exciting and unique than Dou Fang Hai seeing those three disciples on the stage. He really felt like he was on the right track this time.
Su Yan pursed his lips and stared at the screen of his phone for a while before he just opened the system on his notebook. He navigated back to the practice tasks for beginnings and this time he chose the option where he could upload a first version of the start of his novel.He wasn't sure if it would even work considering that it was only one chapter and even such a short one and that the system would count a fifth of the whole story as the beginning. But he really didn't know what else to do. The hints the system had given him were probably not that bad but he had no idea how to implement them. So maybe it would become easier if the system gave him some feedback for this scene specifically.Well, the system had at least no problem with judging this scene as his beginning. As soon as Su Yan clicked on submit it started working and a row of messages once again rolled across the screen.Evaluating setting.Evaluating characters.Identifying main characters.Evaluating style.Evaluating incorporation of information IncIn.Evaluating probability of grabbing reader's attention GRAP.Su Yan blinked. Ah! These two were new! So the system would consider things that were important for what he was practicing? This wasn't bad, ah! He leaned back and watched as the next messages appeared. The really important thing was the ratings, though! Oh, and the suggestions, of course.Identifying problems.Compiling suggestions for improvement.Appraising skill level.Organizing results.Setting: 4/5Characters: 4/5Style: 4/5Incin: 3/5GRAP: 3/5Overall rating: 3.6/5Evaluation: The host has managed to provide basic information about the setting, characters, and development of the story. The potentially generated interest of readers is judged to be moderate. Please try implementing the following suggestions for improvement.1 Characters: The character 'Dou Fang Hai' is judged to be the main character. Other characters are judged to be supporting characters. Try to raise the presence of the main character through showing more of his interactions with the supporting characters or the reaction of the people in his surroundings. Show why this person is your main character and not someone else.2 IncIn & GRAP: The reader is provided with basic information about the story concerning the characters and setting. Information or hints regarding the future development are lacking. Try adding at least one hint of what's to come.3 Uniqueness: The scene placed in the beginning shows a general situation that could happen to anyone and highlights neither the uniqueness of the story nor the specialness of the host's main character. Try adding something unique to the scene or place another scene at the beginning to highlight what is special about the story.Su Yan blinked and read the three suggestions again. Afterward he read them for the third time. He still didn't know what to do though.He frowned and scratched his head. Alright, the first one wasn't that strange. He could show how Dou Fang Hai made his way to the stage, for example, or write more about how he interacted with the female disciple. Maybe he could even add a bit of interaction with the other disciples.But the other two suggestions eluded Su Yan completely. What kind of hint should he add regarding the future development? Put an arguing couple in the audience in front of the stage? Or hint that the two male disciples on the stage were a couple that was suppressed by the female disciple? But even then that wouldn't show anything of the later trouble between Dou Fang Hai and Ziju An.Eh? Maybe he shouldn't just put disciples there but instead one of the Elders of the sect, too? Maybe the master of one of them?"Ah!" Su Yan leaped to his feet, startling Nie Chang so much that he nearly dropped the smartphone he was repairing.Nie Chang hurriedly caught it before it could fall to the ground. He put it back on the table and took a relieved breath. The repair shop might not be his principal source of income but he still couldn't ruin something a customer had brought in. Only then did he turn around to Su Yan but it was already too late.His boyfriend had already charged at him and hugged him, giving him a big smack on the cheek."Ah Chang! I finally found what to do! Oh my god, this system is so great! I'm just a genius! Don't you also think that I'm the best? Ah, never mind, I have to write this now!"He let go of Nie Chang just as fast as he had hugged him and hurried back to his seat, his fingers already flying over the keyboard before his buttocks had really hit the chair.He didn't notice at all how Nie Chang was staring at him and that the few customers, that had come in in the meantime, were looking at him strangely. He was completely concentrated on his sudden insight.Ah, this was the perfect idea! Unfortunately, he'd have to rewrite quite a bit and even add another scene. But, well, he didn't mind as long as he got a perfect beginning for his second story. And he was sure that this time he had found the right one! Mn, first of all, he had to write the new first scene.A light breeze made the leaves of the trees on the Jin Shan Mountain sway and carried the voices of a few men a few steps away from a palace standing exactly at the peak."Then for the spiritual test, I want to propose using a large-scale illusion. This would have the advantage ""We all know what that means, Peak Master Fan. But that isn't the true question here. I'm still in favor of separating them based on their aptitude first. We shouldn't waste resources on disciples that won't be able to achieve anything anyway.""Wasting resources? Won't achieve anything? Peak Master Su, you must be joking. Aptitude might limit the possibilities a disciple has but it can't deter someone who really wants to achieve something.""That "From the highest seat in the main hall sounded a light sigh. The two men who had been arguing for nearly an hour immediately shut up and looked at the man up there with fawning expressions."Sect Master Xue has decided which idea to use already?""The Sect Master is wise as expected!"The Sect Master of the Jin Shan Sect, Xue Chang Fu, placed his elbow on the left armrest of his chair, propped up his chin on his hand and turned to the side. "Senior Martial Brother Ziju, what do you think?"Hurhurhur. Su Yan stopped typing and rubbed his hands. Ah, so great! This definitely was the best way to introduce his male lead! And it was so much more exciting and unique than Dou Fang Hai seeing those three disciples on the stage. He really felt like he was on the right track this time.
