Dark Past (2)
She was not a weak person. But now she was showing weakness in front of me. I also had a lot of things that I wanted speak to her. But right now, listening to her seemed like a better idea. And I didn’t want to talk in such a situation, and it was a bit too early to talk, yet she was ready to talk.
And as I nodded my head as a sign of acceptance for her to talk, she smiled at me.
“There is one thing that I want to ask before going into my story. How do you see me, like normally?”
I wasn’t able to understand the intent of hers for asking this question. But it wasn’t something I was going to get concerned about. As I have revealed some of the facts in my life through the < Revision of Truth >, she was also trying to reveal herself to me. Suddenly, I recalled that she had spoken about the < Golden Lion Clan > in the Institute of Ruins.
“I think that you are a smart and nice wizard.”
“And?”
“I like that you always maintain your calmness and deal with things logically. I know that you have your rules, but you are flexible with them.”
“Yes. And?”
“…. Your voice is clear.”
“Huh. Is that so? ”
I closed my mouth and then just looked at her. It looked like Jung Ha Yeon was laughing at the things that I said. However, when I looked closely she seemed to be immersed in what I said. I didn’t open my mouth to talk anymore.
“…… everyone has two faces, one that everyone sees, on the outside. And then there is a face in the inside that only one person knows.”
“There are people who have the same inside and outside face.”
“No. I believe that there is not such thing. They could be a little familiar. But there is no way that they could be same in all ways. But for the first time, after I met you, you broke that belief of mine.”
“………”
I was just silent. Of course, I did sympathize with her. There was a time when I thought like her too. I was a little sad when she was talking about his. What had happened to her and what did the others do?
“I have no more doubts. I know very well about the accuracy of the < Revision of Truth >, and there wasn’t any lie in your words, only sincerity. A person whose inner side is the same to the world. It is wonderful to have such a person in this world.”
I was feeling stingy for a moment, but I recovered quickly. I wasn’t feeling sorry, nor any intention of feeling like that. my heart was so true towards my brother and Han So-Young, and I was confident and I was able to bear the shame too.
Once again Jung Ha Yeon filled her glass with alcohol, and just dabbed her tongue with the alcohol.
“I have told you before itself. I'm sure that there will be at least a few differences between the inner and outer character. That is what I feel about the people in the Hall Plane. Do you know why I took such a drastic decision?”
“I don't.”
“I was in the Golden Lion clan one year back.”
This was what I was ready for, no more going round the topic, straight to the point. Yes. This was Jung Ha Yeon. Finally, she moved in the direction that I wanted her to, so I focused on what she was going to say. she closed her eyes, as if summarizing what she wanted to say. and as usual she spoke in a very clear voice after opening her eyes.
“You aren't surprised. What so ever, it did seem like you have already knew this. anyway, when the kids said that you refused the offer of the Golden Lion…. I felt that it was unique.”
“It would’ve been a crazy thing to be in a clan without any future.”
“Clan without future….. How can one say that without knowing the past and present of the clan? However, I can understand your choice of opinion.”
She stopped speaking for a moment and made a faint look. She was recalling the memories. It didn’t take her much time to resume her story.
“The Golden Lion clan can be considered as a traditional clan. When Barbara was attacked 8 years back, by Clan Road, they managed to get past it, and its been 12 years.
It is a great thing as, there are no players in the Hall Plane who have managed to get past 10 years, the clan had its own union. Okay. Well, I wasn’t sure what the clan was like then……. But they have changed. Changed since they went behind the conceot of holding the strength and taking over Barabara. Of course, I wasn’t there in those days, but I thought that I deserved to know about them.”
“…….”
“I came to the Hall Plane along with my sister two years ago. It was a time when the Golden Lion clan was flourishing extensively. At that time, I was in college, and I didn’t even know English when I came to the Hall Plane. I was afraid. I realized that I couldn’t return to home and then I saw the monsters, that I only ever saw in the movies, and those monsters threatened my life after I fell into the Rite of Passage. At that time, I met a player who fell into the Rite of Passage just like I did.”
I wanted to say something because I could feel sorrow from the words of Jung Ha Yeon. But she shook her head and blocked my words. I just sighed and waited for her to speak with my mouth half closed.
“The player was really great. His face was handsome, nice height, well maintained body seemed like chi was flowing in his body. it was like the fantasy of a female college student who met the man of her dreams. It wasn’t just that, he was also like a leader, he made sure that we got out of there. And I couldn’t help falling in love. The abilities that he possessed were great, not only that he wasn’t lacking in anything. Specifically the bow was well suited. If he would ride a white horse, then he could be called as a prince.”
And then we came to the 2nd year together. He handled the bow very well. As I remember there was no player who was worthy of being his opponent. Only one or two players from the Golden Lion Clan could be considered as archers, and they were well known. Honestly when the word < strong > was used, I could never think of anyone but Sun Yu-un.
“So we escaped the Rite of Passage together and entered the player academy together. And from there he started to show his strength. I wasn’t a easy task to be the top of the archery in the player academy. I believed that if I was strong id be with him, so I practiced and practiced. I didn’t want to be a burden for him. and the long awaited graduation time came. He was enamored by the new players and was approached by the Golden Lion clan. And, my dreams also came true.”
“Dreams huh?”
“I was going to stay with him. On the day of graduation, he came to me while everyone’s eyes were on us, he held my hand and said. I want to be with you. He wanted to be together even in the future. He must have asked the Golden Lion clan to take in another person. My grades weren’t so bad, but at that time, I wasn’t in a stage where I could enter a clan. Nonetheless, the scout for the Golden Clan nodded his head. Yeah. I was a beginner at that time, it was good that I got into the clan, but I did that because I was going behind him, and that was the beginning of everything….. ha.”
She stopped and sighed quickly. And during that time I took the sip of the drink that was in my glass. And, finally the whole bottle of alcohol was emptied. She drank all the alcohol in a single sip. She wiped her lips, rubbed her throat and then a little sob.
“At that time, I wasn’t in contact with my sister or the players from the Rite of Passage. the other players haven’t spoken to me much, since I first entered the Academy. I could understand their reason to not talk. No, not understand, I was rather glad that they didn’t. I worked so hard, that I wasn’t an easy player who could be approached. And if they didn’t have what it takes, I never took them in. Of course, my sister took her share of time to come to me, but Ji Yeon took care of me. I went into the Golden Lion clan feeling like I was a princess. It was so nice that he treated me like a special person in his life, and I was thrilled.”
I tired to remind myself of the charisma that she had when I first met her. Maybe, this was why she had a good grasp on her emotions because of what happened? If a player had charisma… No. maybe she didn’t have a rational appearance like now. I buried my thoughts in the back of my head. Her words were started after a pause.
“…… my story is getting top long. I'll finish it as soon as I can. You could think that I am crazy, but I wasn’t happy to live in that clan. All of the new players, who came in purely based on their talents were jealous of me. At that time, he defended me with both his body and words… I could even hear a few players whine from the back. I could hear the players whining from all over the place. And I didn’t have a single player to be on my side.”
“No player took your side?”
At my words, the woman slightly bit her lips. I could hear the sound of her mumbling, but I couldn’t make it out clearly. She kept on chewing her lip, and then she sighed. She lowered her head and opened her mouth.
“One of those nights. I lay down to take rest, with both my troubled mind and weary body, but the players who used the same room didn’t come in. I thought that it was weird, but I told myself not to bother with it anymore. After a little time, I heard the door opening. I had already lay down and closed my eyes, I thought that it was the player who was using the same room as me. At that moment, the player who came in, climbed into my bed and put his heavy weight on top of me.”
“Don't say….”
“I was shocked in that situation and tried to push him off, but the guy who came in tore my clothes of like a wild animal. I was going insane. I wasn’t a person like that, but I was vigilant and resistive that day, and somehow I was successful. It was really a shocking success that my skills actually helped me. The killer who took the blow went back with a loud noise. And when I turned my head, I saw the players face was bleeding all over. He was an old scout player who brought us to the clan from the academy. He was angry the moment our eyes got into contact.”
“Angry huh?”
“Yes. I would have been angry too, but I was more stunned at what happened. This was what he said at that moment. ‘What. Didn’t you talk with him?’”
The moment I heard her words, I frowned. To be precise, I could roughly guess the situation both its prior and after. She smiled at my reaction. But the smile had more of loneliness in it.
“Yeah. What you have imagined is the right thing. That day Golden Lion clan turned upside down. From that moment on, I didn’t even raise a single finger at any acts. I always did what the clan asked me to, and stayed silent about them. And I couldn’t be blames or criticized because I was an exception case, the way I came into the clan was different. As time passed, the work load was too much and the head were quiet. Me quitting wasn’t a great thing, but I sure was happy that I did it. So I decided to get this issue cleared up. And a player who was with from the Rite of Passage till the clan, called for me.”
If this was how it was 2 years back, how is the clan at the present time. The clan did fail my big expectations, but the feeling that took after weren’t so easy. Now, after 2 years, she was talking, I'll be able to see how much of her inner self is decayed after holing those feelings in.
“I thought that it was my only chance, I just wanted to be comforted. And when I went to him with a sad face, he looked at me with a cold expression and said.”
“….. what could he possibly say.”
“You bitch. I though you were smart, but turns out you were just an idiot.”
“Yeah. I think you should stop now. You can stop the talk. I know what happened, I can guess the situation.”
I was definite of what happened. I though that this was enough, and asked Jung Ha Yeon to stop talking about it. But despite that, she shook her head. Hat shinning hair swayed from one side to the other as she shook her head. When I saw that she was determined to tell the story, I just lowered my hands.
“At that time, I fought really hard for myself, it was the first time that I fought so hard with him. In the past he would comfort me with a slow concerned voice, but that day he blamed me with a cold voice. ‘Because of you, the scout won't even look at me. Do you understand how strong that guy, how well contacted he is in here? It is stupid to hold onto courtesy in the Hall Plane. You have to do what you can to live. Why don't you understand that simple thing’….. he was trying t persuade me for a while. He just left me there, while I was crying. ‘The scout will come again, you just stay still and try to hold yourself.”
“Miss Jung Ha Yeon.”
“It is done. Just a little more, a little more left to say. I don't remember how I got back to the room after the incident. I spent three days and nights crying, just crying. Yet I still didn’t grasp what was happening in there. It wasn’t because of what he said, it was what I saw. I just wanted to believe in that guy, my heart wanted to trust him till the end. After a while, my concerned heart readily accepted the words of the guy. There were a few female players who were living in the same place as me, the Hall Plane isn’t a modern society. I imagined it like this. This was all for me, if I will get taken in again, maybe he will accept me like before. I got myself together and began to rationalize, but that was just my delusion.”
“It was stupid.”
My words made her way to her.
“Yeah. I admit that. Now I think that what I did was a stupid. I'm not proud of what I did, but I never really accepted a man to my heart till then. And there was a fantasy I had, for doing it the first time. It was something I wanted to do with the person that I loved. So I went, dressed up very beautifully, and went out of the room. I thought that if I could have my first time with him, I can take a little comfort in the pain when I do it with someone else in the future. So I suppressed my emotions, and went to the quarters where he was. I put my hand on the door know. But…”
Jung Ha Yeon recalled the memories of that time and bit her lip, it was painful for her. Her hands were shaking and eyes were too. It seemed like tears were going to come out any second. She took a deep breath once or twice, and cleared her voice and spoke again.
“When I was in front of the door, I heard a weak sound inside the room. Yeah. It was the sound of a man and woman groaning. I put my hand on the know and, thy were shaking, my hands. I opened the door with a uneasy feeling. And inside the room…. Just as I expected, he and a female player, they were on each others bodies. I opened the door at that moment.”
At that moment, I realized that Jung Ha Yeon was overwhelmed with anger, burning anger, so I just waited for her next words to come.
“He was lying down, with the woman on top of him.”
Dark Past (2)
She was not a weak person. But now she was showing weakness in front of me. I also had a lot of things that I wanted speak to her. But right now, listening to her seemed like a better idea. And I didn’t want to talk in such a situation, and it was a bit too early to talk, yet she was ready to talk.
And as I nodded my head as a sign of acceptance for her to talk, she smiled at me.
“There is one thing that I want to ask before going into my story. How do you see me, like normally?”
I wasn’t able to understand the intent of hers for asking this question. But it wasn’t something I was going to get concerned about. As I have revealed some of the facts in my life through the < Revision of Truth >, she was also trying to reveal herself to me. Suddenly, I recalled that she had spoken about the < Golden Lion Clan > in the Institute of Ruins.
“I think that you are a smart and nice wizard.”
“And?”
“I like that you always maintain your calmness and deal with things logically. I know that you have your rules, but you are flexible with them.”
“Yes. And?”
“…. Your voice is clear.”
“Huh. Is that so? ”
I closed my mouth and then just looked at her. It looked like Jung Ha Yeon was laughing at the things that I said. However, when I looked closely she seemed to be immersed in what I said. I didn’t open my mouth to talk anymore.
“…… everyone has two faces, one that everyone sees, on the outside. And then there is a face in the inside that only one person knows.”
“There are people who have the same inside and outside face.”
“No. I believe that there is not such thing. They could be a little familiar. But there is no way that they could be same in all ways. But for the first time, after I met you, you broke that belief of mine.”
“………”
I was just silent. Of course, I did sympathize with her. There was a time when I thought like her too. I was a little sad when she was talking about his. What had happened to her and what did the others do?
“I have no more doubts. I know very well about the accuracy of the < Revision of Truth >, and there wasn’t any lie in your words, only sincerity. A person whose inner side is the same to the world. It is wonderful to have such a person in this world.”
I was feeling stingy for a moment, but I recovered quickly. I wasn’t feeling sorry, nor any intention of feeling like that. my heart was so true towards my brother and Han So-Young, and I was confident and I was able to bear the shame too.
Once again Jung Ha Yeon filled her glass with alcohol, and just dabbed her tongue with the alcohol.
“I have told you before itself. I'm sure that there will be at least a few differences between the inner and outer character. That is what I feel about the people in the Hall Plane. Do you know why I took such a drastic decision?”
“I don't.”
“I was in the Golden Lion clan one year back.”
This was what I was ready for, no more going round the topic, straight to the point. Yes. This was Jung Ha Yeon. Finally, she moved in the direction that I wanted her to, so I focused on what she was going to say. she closed her eyes, as if summarizing what she wanted to say. and as usual she spoke in a very clear voice after opening her eyes.
“You aren't surprised. What so ever, it did seem like you have already knew this. anyway, when the kids said that you refused the offer of the Golden Lion…. I felt that it was unique.”
“It would’ve been a crazy thing to be in a clan without any future.”
“Clan without future….. How can one say that without knowing the past and present of the clan? However, I can understand your choice of opinion.”
She stopped speaking for a moment and made a faint look. She was recalling the memories. It didn’t take her much time to resume her story.
“The Golden Lion clan can be considered as a traditional clan. When Barbara was attacked 8 years back, by Clan Road, they managed to get past it, and its been 12 years.
It is a great thing as, there are no players in the Hall Plane who have managed to get past 10 years, the clan had its own union. Okay. Well, I wasn’t sure what the clan was like then……. But they have changed. Changed since they went behind the conceot of holding the strength and taking over Barabara. Of course, I wasn’t there in those days, but I thought that I deserved to know about them.”
“…….”
“I came to the Hall Plane along with my sister two years ago. It was a time when the Golden Lion clan was flourishing extensively. At that time, I was in college, and I didn’t even know English when I came to the Hall Plane. I was afraid. I realized that I couldn’t return to home and then I saw the monsters, that I only ever saw in the movies, and those monsters threatened my life after I fell into the Rite of Passage. At that time, I met a player who fell into the Rite of Passage just like I did.”
I wanted to say something because I could feel sorrow from the words of Jung Ha Yeon. But she shook her head and blocked my words. I just sighed and waited for her to speak with my mouth half closed.
“The player was really great. His face was handsome, nice height, well maintained body seemed like chi was flowing in his body. it was like the fantasy of a female college student who met the man of her dreams. It wasn’t just that, he was also like a leader, he made sure that we got out of there. And I couldn’t help falling in love. The abilities that he possessed were great, not only that he wasn’t lacking in anything. Specifically the bow was well suited. If he would ride a white horse, then he could be called as a prince.”
And then we came to the 2nd year together. He handled the bow very well. As I remember there was no player who was worthy of being his opponent. Only one or two players from the Golden Lion Clan could be considered as archers, and they were well known. Honestly when the word < strong > was used, I could never think of anyone but Sun Yu-un.
“So we escaped the Rite of Passage together and entered the player academy together. And from there he started to show his strength. I wasn’t a easy task to be the top of the archery in the player academy. I believed that if I was strong id be with him, so I practiced and practiced. I didn’t want to be a burden for him. and the long awaited graduation time came. He was enamored by the new players and was approached by the Golden Lion clan. And, my dreams also came true.”
“Dreams huh?”
“I was going to stay with him. On the day of graduation, he came to me while everyone’s eyes were on us, he held my hand and said. I want to be with you. He wanted to be together even in the future. He must have asked the Golden Lion clan to take in another person. My grades weren’t so bad, but at that time, I wasn’t in a stage where I could enter a clan. Nonetheless, the scout for the Golden Clan nodded his head. Yeah. I was a beginner at that time, it was good that I got into the clan, but I did that because I was going behind him, and that was the beginning of everything….. ha.”
She stopped and sighed quickly. And during that time I took the sip of the drink that was in my glass. And, finally the whole bottle of alcohol was emptied. She drank all the alcohol in a single sip. She wiped her lips, rubbed her throat and then a little sob.
“At that time, I wasn’t in contact with my sister or the players from the Rite of Passage. the other players haven’t spoken to me much, since I first entered the Academy. I could understand their reason to not talk. No, not understand, I was rather glad that they didn’t. I worked so hard, that I wasn’t an easy player who could be approached. And if they didn’t have what it takes, I never took them in. Of course, my sister took her share of time to come to me, but Ji Yeon took care of me. I went into the Golden Lion clan feeling like I was a princess. It was so nice that he treated me like a special person in his life, and I was thrilled.”
I tired to remind myself of the charisma that she had when I first met her. Maybe, this was why she had a good grasp on her emotions because of what happened? If a player had charisma… No. maybe she didn’t have a rational appearance like now. I buried my thoughts in the back of my head. Her words were started after a pause.
“…… my story is getting top long. I'll finish it as soon as I can. You could think that I am crazy, but I wasn’t happy to live in that clan. All of the new players, who came in purely based on their talents were jealous of me. At that time, he defended me with both his body and words… I could even hear a few players whine from the back. I could hear the players whining from all over the place. And I didn’t have a single player to be on my side.”
“No player took your side?”
At my words, the woman slightly bit her lips. I could hear the sound of her mumbling, but I couldn’t make it out clearly. She kept on chewing her lip, and then she sighed. She lowered her head and opened her mouth.
“One of those nights. I lay down to take rest, with both my troubled mind and weary body, but the players who used the same room didn’t come in. I thought that it was weird, but I told myself not to bother with it anymore. After a little time, I heard the door opening. I had already lay down and closed my eyes, I thought that it was the player who was using the same room as me. At that moment, the player who came in, climbed into my bed and put his heavy weight on top of me.”
“Don't say….”
“I was shocked in that situation and tried to push him off, but the guy who came in tore my clothes of like a wild animal. I was going insane. I wasn’t a person like that, but I was vigilant and resistive that day, and somehow I was successful. It was really a shocking success that my skills actually helped me. The killer who took the blow went back with a loud noise. And when I turned my head, I saw the players face was bleeding all over. He was an old scout player who brought us to the clan from the academy. He was angry the moment our eyes got into contact.”
“Angry huh?”
“Yes. I would have been angry too, but I was more stunned at what happened. This was what he said at that moment. ‘What. Didn’t you talk with him?’”
The moment I heard her words, I frowned. To be precise, I could roughly guess the situation both its prior and after. She smiled at my reaction. But the smile had more of loneliness in it.
“Yeah. What you have imagined is the right thing. That day Golden Lion clan turned upside down. From that moment on, I didn’t even raise a single finger at any acts. I always did what the clan asked me to, and stayed silent about them. And I couldn’t be blames or criticized because I was an exception case, the way I came into the clan was different. As time passed, the work load was too much and the head were quiet. Me quitting wasn’t a great thing, but I sure was happy that I did it. So I decided to get this issue cleared up. And a player who was with from the Rite of Passage till the clan, called for me.”
If this was how it was 2 years back, how is the clan at the present time. The clan did fail my big expectations, but the feeling that took after weren’t so easy. Now, after 2 years, she was talking, I'll be able to see how much of her inner self is decayed after holing those feelings in.
“I thought that it was my only chance, I just wanted to be comforted. And when I went to him with a sad face, he looked at me with a cold expression and said.”
“….. what could he possibly say.”
“You bitch. I though you were smart, but turns out you were just an idiot.”
“Yeah. I think you should stop now. You can stop the talk. I know what happened, I can guess the situation.”
I was definite of what happened. I though that this was enough, and asked Jung Ha Yeon to stop talking about it. But despite that, she shook her head. Hat shinning hair swayed from one side to the other as she shook her head. When I saw that she was determined to tell the story, I just lowered my hands.
“At that time, I fought really hard for myself, it was the first time that I fought so hard with him. In the past he would comfort me with a slow concerned voice, but that day he blamed me with a cold voice. ‘Because of you, the scout won't even look at me. Do you understand how strong that guy, how well contacted he is in here? It is stupid to hold onto courtesy in the Hall Plane. You have to do what you can to live. Why don't you understand that simple thing’….. he was trying t persuade me for a while. He just left me there, while I was crying. ‘The scout will come again, you just stay still and try to hold yourself.”
“Miss Jung Ha Yeon.”
“It is done. Just a little more, a little more left to say. I don't remember how I got back to the room after the incident. I spent three days and nights crying, just crying. Yet I still didn’t grasp what was happening in there. It wasn’t because of what he said, it was what I saw. I just wanted to believe in that guy, my heart wanted to trust him till the end. After a while, my concerned heart readily accepted the words of the guy. There were a few female players who were living in the same place as me, the Hall Plane isn’t a modern society. I imagined it like this. This was all for me, if I will get taken in again, maybe he will accept me like before. I got myself together and began to rationalize, but that was just my delusion.”
“It was stupid.”
My words made her way to her.
“Yeah. I admit that. Now I think that what I did was a stupid. I'm not proud of what I did, but I never really accepted a man to my heart till then. And there was a fantasy I had, for doing it the first time. It was something I wanted to do with the person that I loved. So I went, dressed up very beautifully, and went out of the room. I thought that if I could have my first time with him, I can take a little comfort in the pain when I do it with someone else in the future. So I suppressed my emotions, and went to the quarters where he was. I put my hand on the door know. But…”
Jung Ha Yeon recalled the memories of that time and bit her lip, it was painful for her. Her hands were shaking and eyes were too. It seemed like tears were going to come out any second. She took a deep breath once or twice, and cleared her voice and spoke again.
“When I was in front of the door, I heard a weak sound inside the room. Yeah. It was the sound of a man and woman groaning. I put my hand on the know and, thy were shaking, my hands. I opened the door with a uneasy feeling. And inside the room…. Just as I expected, he and a female player, they were on each others bodies. I opened the door at that moment.”
At that moment, I realized that Jung Ha Yeon was overwhelmed with anger, burning anger, so I just waited for her next words to come.
“He was lying down, with the woman on top of him.”
