Chapter 78 – Extra 2: Little Qiao Muhan
During Ding Meng’s pregnancy with their second child, it was much more exhausting than when she was pregnant with Qiao Ruimeng.
When Ding Meng was pregnant with Qiao Ruimeng, she was very obedient. Not only did she seldom kicked in the womb, Ding Meng also rarely got morning sickness.
Throughout the course of her first pregnancy, Ding Meng was secretly in happiness. Everyone says that it feels miserable during pregnancy, but Ding Meng was still able to eat and sleep just fine. Furthermore, Qiao Yichen treated her with utmost care; prohibiting her from work. It was like she was in heaven.
Now, she is able to understand the pains of a pregnant mother.
Ding Meng had her arms wrapped around the toilet as she vomited out murky, dark matter. In the distant future, this little rascal will surely become a trouble-maker; just like Qiao Yichen in his early days.
Qiao Yichen squatted by Ding Meng’s side, holding a glass of hot water. When Ding Meng finished vomiting, she snatched the glass from Qiao Yichen’s hands and rinsed her mouth, simultaneously wiping the tears off her eyes due to the pain from vomiting.
“Qiao Yichen, in the case that this is not a handsome little Goudan, I don’t want you on my bed ever again!” Currently, Ding Meng was fed up with all this suffering and her temperament was visibly rising. While threatening Qiao Yichen, she was completely heated.
At this time, Qiao Yichen felt that he had no right to concern himself over Ding Meng’s threat[1]. Seeing her state, he only felt his heartache: “Wife, it’s all my fault. Once the child is born I’ll help you get even with him, all right?”
When he finished speaking, the little child in Ding Meng’s stomach began kicking again.
Ding Meng’s eyebrows furrowed, glaring at Qiao Yichen with a bitter face: “He heard you!”
Qiao Yichen could not help but chuckle: “Then let’s say no more, when the time comes I’ll directly carry out the revenge.”[2]
Because Qiao Ruimeng was always so obedient, Qiao Yichen never knew the hardships of pregnancy nor was ever able to witness Ding Meng’s anguished expression. With hindsight, Qiao Yichen would’ve never had Ding Meng bear a second child.[3]
Qiao Ruimeng also had a vague understand that she was going to have a little brother, and a mischievous one at that; always tossing and turning in her mother’s stomach.
When she spotted the fetal movements in Ding Meng’s stomach, she ran over to Ding Meng and faced towards her stomach: “Little brother, be obedient. No kicking Mama, Mama is uncomfortable, then Papa is uncomfortable. Ruirui also uncomfortable.”
Ding Meng laughed as she stroked her soft hair: “Ruirui is still the most obedient.”
Qiao Ruimeng tilted her head up and laughed, revealing a pair of sweet, little dimples: “Mama, today Ruirui learned a new nursery rhyme at the kindergarten. How about Ruirui sings the song to little brother?”
“Sure.”
Thus, little Qiao Ruimeng happily sung her song. Although a lot of her enunciation was not too clear, she had a good grasp on the rhythm and melody.
Ding Meng smiled, commenting[4]: “Ruirui truly sings well. Papa would surely give you full points.”
Receiving the praise, Qiao Ruimeng’s smile became even wider: “When Ruirui grows up, also wants to be just like Mama, inside the TV singing songs.”
Ding Meng then responded: “Then Ruirui should never meet a producer like Papa, he’s very fierce.”
Qiao Ruimeng tilted her head to one side, not understanding what a producer is. Also, why did Mama call Papa fierce? Papa is clearly full of smiles all the time.
“Papa fierce at Mama?” Qiao Ruimeng looked at Ding Meng wide-eyed.
Ding Meng nodded her head, faking a miserable expression: “Whenever Papa is working, he would often be fierce towards Mama, often to the point where Mama would be in tears.”
Qiao Ruimeng pouted her lips: “Boys can’t bully girls, Ruirui don’t like Papa anymore.”
Currently working hard in the kitchen preparing food was Big Producer Qiao who had let out a distant sneeze. With an apron still on, he leaned half of his body out of the kitchen towards the two suspects: “Are you guys bad-mouthing me again?”
Qiao Ruimeng let out a grunt and ignored him. Ding Meng looked at Qiao Yichen and laughingly said: “This is a secret between girls.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
When it was bedtime, Qiao Ruimeng made a racket on wanting to sleep with Mama tonight, even exiling Papa out of his own little bed; Qiao Yichen didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Usually, he wouldn’t mind letting Qiao Ruimeng go sleep with Ding Meng, but right now Ding Meng was pregnant; he did not dare allow her to sleep by Ding Meng’s side.
Though this daughter is typically cute and lovely, but when sleeping, she obtains unimaginable power. Often during the midst of dreaming, she would use the hidden move “The Heaven and Earth Great Shift”.[5]
God knows where Ding Meng would be kicked to; there would be no hope.
But Qiao Ruimeng was adamant on sleeping with Mama. No matter how much Qiao Yichen advised her, it was of no use. In the end, Qiao Yichen waited for the moment Qiao Ruimeng fell into slumber next to Ding Meng, then carried her back to her own room.
Returning to the master bedroom, he enclosed Ding Meng into his embrace, asking: “What did you say to Ruirui today?”
Ding Meng responded: “Nothing much, I just told her how you would bully me to tears at the recording studio.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Qiao Yichen has made numerous people cry in the recording studio, but… he had never made Ding Meng cry!
Qiao Yichen went and pinched Ding Meng’s nose: “When did I ever make you cry?”
Ding Meng answered: “You haven’t seen me cry, that is because I’m strong. But in reality, my heart has long been crying rivers.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Qiao Yichen hunched over and burst into laughter.
A few months later, Ding Meng successfully gave birth to a baby boy. At that time, she was moved to the brink of tears.
Her handsome little Goudan has finally arrived! These painful past months were not for naught!
This time, Qiao Yichen thought of the name Qiao Mumeng. Compared to last name’s idea, Qiao Aimeng, Qiao Yichen thought that he had progressed leaps and bounds.
However he still received opposition from Ding Meng.
She said that the name was too feminine for a boy.
Afterwards, Qiao Yichen heard from Ding Meng’s grandmother that Ding Meng’s pet name was Han Han. Once Qiao Yichen heard the name, a lightbulb lit up in his head.
Qiao Muhan!
Qiao Muhan, as expected and preconceived by Ding Meng, was an especially mischievous trouble-maker. But fortunately he would obediently listen to his mother’s words. When Ding Meng didn’t want him to do something, he would wholeheartedly comply.
Qiao Muhan grew up particularly similar to Qiao Yichen, as if he was formed with his mold. Now, Qiao Ruimeng was already attending school; they’ve already long stopped uploading pictures of her. But Qiao Muhan, on the other hand…
Ding Meng formed a cunning smile as she snatched the camera.
She bought Qiao Muhan numerous handsome article of clothings; they were all gentlemanly, British outfits. This was because Ding Meng had told Qiao Muhan that boys ought to be like gentlemen, they must always be treating others courteously.
When Ding Meng helped Qiao Muhan put on clothes, she was able to understand Qiao Yichen’s joy towards Qiao Ruimeng.
This… is actually quite fun!
Dressing up your child as you imagine them is simply addicting!
In regards to his mother’s constant love for playing dress up games with Qiao Muhan, Qiao Muhan continued to be actively cooperative. Watching his mother in the midst of fiddling with the camera, Qiao Muhan approached and took a glance.
En, quite handsome.
Qiao Muhan’s skin tone was particularly white. Being paired with a navy blue lapel, double-breasted coat, his skin appeared even more of a pale white; an elegant demeanor. Beneath the coat, Ding Meng had Qiao Muhan wear a white shirt and even a black necktie at the neckline to top it all off. Certainly, a little gentleman.
When Ding Meng uploaded Qiao Muhan’s picture onto Weibo, users quickly reposted and commented in a flurry.
“Wowow! Every face in Lord Lemon’s family is simply in defiance of the natural order!”[6]
“Little brother! Although you are too young now, big sister here is willing to wait for you! [✽]”
“So handsome, so handsome! Lord Lemon is truly blessed. She has a little princess, and now a little prince QAQ”
“I was formerly in the Rui Rui Party, but apologies, I now must stand with Rui Han :)[7]”
“During those days when people said that Ding Meng underwent plastic surgery, and even attacked Qiao Ruimeng; here’s a slap to the face!”
“I have a premonition that a new wave of fan fiction and comics are soon to come forth.”
“Lord Lemon, I plead that you upload more of little prince Hanhan, muah!”
Qiao Muhan was still too young for the online world, unable to bear witness to this public outburst towards his pictures. But on the other hand, Ding Meng was looking at her screen and burst into laughter, her eyes completely sewn into a seam.
When Qiao Yichen brought Qiao Ruimeng back home, his hands were holding a box of fresh, frozen foods. After placing the box in the kitchen, he went and poked his head into the master bedroom: “Wife, today a friend sent me some fresh crabs. Let’s eat them tonight.”
“Oh, ok.” Ding Meng uttered these two words as her hands were still gripped onto the camera and taking pictures of Qiao Muhan.
Qiao Yichen, realizing the state of affairs in this household, helplessly pouted his lips. Unable to bring himself to attack Ding Meng, he could only point his spearhead at Qiao Muhan: “Qiao Muhan, have you learned the Chinese characters I showed you today? You can only play around after you learn them.”
Qiao Muhan slowly turned his head towards Qiao Yichen, then his eyes closed shut, bringing about a stream of tears as he leapt into Ding Meng’s bosom: “Mama, Papa is fierce again.”
Ding Meng couldn’t help but completely spoil her son. Seeing his bullied state, Ding Meng immediately shot a pair of cold eyes at Qiao Goudan: “What’s the point in speaking to our own child in such a loud voice? If I’m here and you’re like this, who knows how you treat him when I’m not present!”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Did we not agree that I would help her get revenge on this child?
Why is it now that when I’m only a bit strict, I am told off by her?
… This world is changing.
Then, Qiao Yichen studied Qiao Muhan’s facial appearance, also closing his eyes shut: “Wife, you are fierce again.”
Then and there, Ding Meng was brought to laughter. Nesting in Ding Meng’s bosom, Qiao Muhan turned his head and glared at Qiao Yichen. Those eyes that were silently glaring daggers into Qiao Yichen conveyed a single word; shameless.
Qiao Yichen tore off his necktie and ventured further into the room: “I’ve already contacted Qiao Muhan’s kindergarten. Next month we can have him begin classes.”
Although this matter has long been discussed and set in stone, Ding Meng still wrinkled her eyebrows: “Must we so quickly send him to kindergarten?”
Qiao Yichen responded: “Ruirui was also at three years old when she started going to kindergarten; this is normal. When the times comes, you should start taking less pictures of him.”
“Oh.” Ding Meng meekly placed down the camera.
Once Qiao Muhan himself heard that he is soon to be sent off to a place called “kindergarten” just like his sister, he immediately gave an aggrieved expression to Ding Meng: “Mama, I don’t want to go to kindergarten. I want to be with Mama.”
Before Ding Meng could respond, Qiao Yichen spoke up: “A boy without prospects will not be able to find a wife in the future.”
Ding Meng: “…”
“Goudan, since even a poor student like you was able to find a wife, then Hanhan will surely be able to too.” Ding Meng provided back up for Qiao Muhan.
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Must she choose this time to demolish my very being?
Qiao Muhan burst into laughter, looking at his mother saying: “Goudan, since even a poor student like you was able to find a wife, then Hanhan will surely be able to too.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
He helped give birth to a parrot![8]
Qiao Yichen then pinched Qiao Muhan’s white and tender face, rubbing his head: “What is this little Goudan saying to Goudan?”
Qiao Muhan gave a fierce glare at Qiao Yichen: “I’m not a little Goudan, I’m called Qiao Muhan!”
Qiao Yichen then raised the corners of his lips: “Then how about you ask your mother whether you are a little Goudan?”
Qiao Muhan turned his head over, eyes pleading for verification towards Ding Meng.
Ding Meng responded: “Yup, you are.”
Qiao Muhan : “…”
Ok, so he is.
At this time, Qiao Ruimeng entered the room with her workbook in hand: “Mama, I’ve finished my homework.”
Qiao Ruimeng just recently began second grade. Her grades were consistently high, just like Ding Meng in her early days.
Ding Meng took Qiao Ruimeng’s workbook and had a look inside, then praising her: “Ruirui’s handwriting is very pretty.”
Qiao Muhan suddenly spoke up: “Hanhan will definitely have prettier handwriting than big sister in the future!”
In the midst of changing clothes, Qiao Yichen let out a scoff: “Your handwriting looks like a dog had went a bitten through it.”
Qiao Muhan looked at Qiao Yichen: “Papa, why would you want to bite my writing? Are you perhaps hungry?”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Ding Meng let out a laugh: “Hahaha, I’m also hungry. Goudan, you go and prepare food, did you not say we had crab?”
“En.” Qiao Yichen looked askance at Qiao Muhan, then at Ding Meng, saying: “You should help Ruirui check her homework, I’ll go steam the crabs.”
What Qiao Yichen had brought back was a box full of three huge crabs.
When Ding Meng finished inspecting Qiao Ruimeng’s homework, she had her go and help her little brother learn Chinese characters. Ding Meng then went over to the kitchen to help Qiao Yichen prepare the food.
Not before long, the aroma of steamed crabs wafted from the kitchen. The two little rascals couldn’t sit still any longer, running into the kitchen and became onlookers. Qiao Yichen was afraid that they would get injured in the kitchen, so he had Ding Meng take them outside to play until the food was finally ready.
Qiao Ruimeng loved to eat seafood, but eating seafood is the most troublesome. It takes forever for her two little hands to unshell crab legs.
After observing for a good amount of time, Qiao Yichen let out a laugh and finally took the crab leg from Qiao Ruimeng. Pinching the leg gently two times, a kacha kacha crumbling sound sounded out. Qiao Ruimeng gazed at Qiao Yichen skillfully using his two hands on the crab shell, peeling out the shell and leaving out a complete leg of crab meat.
“Wa~ Papa is powerful.” Qiao Ruimeng’s eyes were gleaming.
Qiao Yichen gave the unshelled crab leg back to Qiao Ruimeng, not forgetting to remind her: “Don’t eat too much.”
“En”. Qiao Ruimeng then happily ate the crab meat.
Sitting across was Ding Meng who was also peeling a crab leg, letting out sounds of sniffing and appeared to be soliloquizing: “Alas, there are those who only have their daughters in their eyes, and none who is willing to unshell this crab leg of mine.”
Qiao Yichen chuckled softly, about to go and help her peel her crab leg. But moments before, Qiao Muhan was a step ahead and robbed the crab leg from Qiao Yichen’s grasp, spiritedly saying: “Mama, Hanhan will help you peel!”
Ding Meng movingly bent down, planting a kiss on his forehead: “It is still Hahan that Mama loves the most. Did you know, boys who can peel seafood can easily win a girl’s feelings.”[9]
Qiao Muhan appeared to understand, nodding his head: “Does Mama also like boys who can peel seafood?”
Ding Meng responded: “Of course. If it weren’t for your father being able peel shrimp well, I would’ve never married him.”
Qiao Muhan nodded his head again, giving his best efforts to peel his mother’s crab legs. But he is too young, even holding the crab legs with his two little hands required much effort. While giving a few glances at Qiao Muhan’s clumsy movements, Qiao Yichen faced Ding Meng and asked a question: “Originally you liked me because I can peel shrimp?”
Ding Meng laughingly responded: “Correct.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Then when a time comes when there’s someone who peels shrimp better than I, will she then leave me without hesitation?
While Qiao Muhan was exerting great efforts battling with the crab leg, Qiao Yichen nabbed the crab leg from his hands, doing yet again two gentle pinches, sounding out sounds of crunching: “You think you can help your mother unshell crab legs with your little arms and legs? Wait a few more years.”
Qiao Muhan furiously glared at Qiao Yichen properly peeling the crab leg and giving it to Ding Meng. Secretly in his heart, he swore an oath; one day, he will peel better than his father!
Many years later, Qiao Muhan’s first dinner after starting high school, he would elegantly peel a crab leg next to his female classmate, immediately being showered with words of praise afterwards.
“Wa, you’re so powerful Qiao Muhan!”
“Qiao Muhan, can you help me peel my crab leg?”
“Student Qiao Muhan, what is your secret behind your peeling? How can you peel so well!”
Qiao Muhan’s would smile and laugh faintly. His mother’s words were really not wrong; boys who can peel seafood will easily be able to win the feelings of girls!
However, this was simply a story in the far future.
The day after having finished eating crabs, little Qiao Muhan was sent by his father to kindergarten.
Inside the kindergarten was a rather young teacher, and a fervent one at that. After seeing Qiao Muhan, the teacher became even more passionate.
Little Qiao Muhan! She is but part of the Rui Han party![10]
Nevertheless, upon having been separated with his mother, Qiao Muhan revealed his true colors; he became a very mischievous trouble-maker. Forget the fact that he often fought with the boys, Qiao Muhan as of late has recently been pulling a female classmate’s hair; making everyone cry.
The kindergarten teacher was helpless, she could only plead Ding Meng to come.
When Ding Meng was summoned to the teacher’s office, she thought that Qiao Muhan and Qiao Yichen were awfully similar. Even the event of their teachers constantly forced to summon their parents to school, everything is exactly the same.
After listening to the teacher explaining all of Qiao Muhan’s offences, Ding Meng gave a cold glare towards Qiao Muhan. Suddenly, a pair of tears began to leak out of Qiao Muhan’s two eyes: “Mama…”
Ding Meng responded: “Don’t call me Mama. Do you remember what you promised me before coming to the kindergarten?”
Qiao Muhuan’s eyes continued to water, remaining silent. Seeing this appearance, the teacher’s heart immediately turned soft: “Boys at this age are indeed particularly naughty. You can slowly explain why what he did was wrong, no need to get angry.”
Ding Meng spoke: “I know. I apologize Teacher Cui for the trouble.”
Teacher Cui hurriedly responded: “No no, this is my job after all.”
After Ding Meng dragged Qiao Muhan back home, she still had a cold expression. Qiao Muhan knew he was in the wrong; he just stood awkwardly at one side not daring to speak.
Qiao Muhan, having put on a pitiful look, rendered Ding Meng a bit helpless. She was forced to bring him closer towards her to ask: “Why did you fight with everyone?”
Qiao Muhan responded: “It was them who first insulted me.”
Ding Meng rebuked: “That doesn’t mean you should hit them.”
Qiao Muhan then asked: “Then what should I do?”
Ding Meng pondered a bit: “You can… insult them back.”
Qiao Muhan: “…”
Ding Meng added on: “However you must be skilled when it comes to insults, you mustn’t use vulgar words, understand?”
“Understood.”
Thinking that it may be too difficult for Qiao Muhan, Ding Meng gave a suggestion: “Sometime I’ll bring you to Papa’s recording studio, so you can hear how he insults others.”
Qiao Muhan: “…”
He now really questions what exactly Papa does at work.
“Then what if others begin hitting me?”
Ding Meng mulled over what kind of little bully would dare to hit him, but still answered nonetheless: “If others begin hitting you, you can fight back, protect yourself, then find the teacher.”
“Oh.”
Finished talking about this matter, Ding Meng transitioned to the matter of pulling the female classmate’s hair: “Why did you pull on the girl’s hair?”
Qiao Muhan blandly blurted out: “She was noisy, always finding me to talk.”
Ding Meng: “…”
Glaring at Qiao Muhan, Ding Meng solemnly spoke: “Didn’t Mama tell you before, that boys can not bully girls?”
Qiao Muhan responded in an aggrieved manner: “But she is really noisy.” He didn’t go as far as hitting her, he just pulled on her hair.
Ding Meng rebuked: “But if you pull on her hair and make her cry, would she not be even more noisy?”
“Well…” Qiao Muhan was unable to refute.
“So what you’re doing is simply useless. Boys must not use violence against girls, you need to use charm to conquer them.”
Feeling that her words were too profound, Qiao Muhan was unable to understand: “What is charm?”
Ding Meng pondered for a bit: “For example, because you didn’t want to talk to that noisy girl, you can laugh instead. Be sure to laugh, then tell her that you have other stuff you need to do and have her find her other friends to play with instead. A boy with elegance must reject a girl courteously, understood?”[11]
“Understood.” Qiao Muhan nodded in understanding.
After that, when the little girl pestered him to talk again, he tried letting out a laugh and suggested her to find other little friends instead. Not expecting it to be so useful, that girl’s face blushed red and actually ran off to find other people to play with.
Qiao Muhan happily thought, Mama’s words were right.
And after that, this trick stuck with Qiao Muhan throughout his adolescence, using it more and more to the point where it reached perfection. It can be said it was a benefit for a lifetime.
[1]乔以辰此时也顾不上将来的幸福生活问题 (Really weird sentence for me qwq, I tried putting it in a way that it would have more or less the same meaning… I hope)
[2]那我们不说了，将来我直接执行。」(Not too sure about the last part of the sentence, but I think Qiao Yichen means that he’ll get even with the child regardless)
[3]With hindsight, Qiao Yichen would’ve never had Ding Meng bear a second child This is not even a Chinese problem, but an English grammar problem! It sounds weird and I’m not sure how to word it. Should it be “never had” or “never have”?
[4]丁檬笑著道 (I realized, all this time I’ve ever wrote down “He/She laughingly spoke” can also mean “He/She smilingly spoke”. Is it one way, or the other? For now I’ll just choose the word that matches most with the context.)
[5]还经常在睡梦中施展乾坤大挪移的绝招。(I’m still not certain, but after several google searches, apparently the move, “The Heaven and Earth Great Shift”, comes from a wuxia novel called “The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber”. But I’m not 100% certain as that I have no evidence to back it up.)
[6]「卧槽卧槽！檬主这一家人的颜值一个个都要逆天啊！」(I have no idea how to word this properly, so I hope the current wording is fine. The comment basically says that the faces in Ding Meng’s family are all “unnatural”, but it sounds more like an insult rather than a compliment in English…)
[7]「我是原来的瑞芮党，不好意思，现在我要站瑞晗:)」 (I’m stumped qwq)
[8]他是生了个复读机吗！(It wasn’t parrot in the raws, but a “repeater”. I thought that sounded weird in English, and an alternative word was recorder, but recorders are multi-functional. AHHHHHHH I’M GOING CRAZY)
[9]I’m not sure why, but from here, the author switches to “peeling seafood” rather than crabs. I’m not sure if it’s a Chinese thing, or maybe I just don’t know about seafood enough. But I’m sure not all seafood are “peeled” or unshelled?
[10]她可是瑞晗党啊！
[11]Just thought I should add something here; “If Qiao Muhan doesn’t understand the word “charm”, why would he know the word “courteously” or “elegance”?”. This is mainly because Chinese people seem to value manners, politeness, courtesy, elegance, and so on, a whole ton! So they use these words a lot when reprimanding and teaching their children, even teachers to students!
Chapter 78 – Extra 2: Little Qiao Muhan
During Ding Meng’s pregnancy with their second child, it was much more exhausting than when she was pregnant with Qiao Ruimeng.
When Ding Meng was pregnant with Qiao Ruimeng, she was very obedient. Not only did she seldom kicked in the womb, Ding Meng also rarely got morning sickness.
Throughout the course of her first pregnancy, Ding Meng was secretly in happiness. Everyone says that it feels miserable during pregnancy, but Ding Meng was still able to eat and sleep just fine. Furthermore, Qiao Yichen treated her with utmost care; prohibiting her from work. It was like she was in heaven.
Now, she is able to understand the pains of a pregnant mother.
Ding Meng had her arms wrapped around the toilet as she vomited out murky, dark matter. In the distant future, this little rascal will surely become a trouble-maker; just like Qiao Yichen in his early days.
Qiao Yichen squatted by Ding Meng’s side, holding a glass of hot water. When Ding Meng finished vomiting, she snatched the glass from Qiao Yichen’s hands and rinsed her mouth, simultaneously wiping the tears off her eyes due to the pain from vomiting.
“Qiao Yichen, in the case that this is not a handsome little Goudan, I don’t want you on my bed ever again!” Currently, Ding Meng was fed up with all this suffering and her temperament was visibly rising. While threatening Qiao Yichen, she was completely heated.
At this time, Qiao Yichen felt that he had no right to concern himself over Ding Meng’s threat[1]. Seeing her state, he only felt his heartache: “Wife, it’s all my fault. Once the child is born I’ll help you get even with him, all right?”
When he finished speaking, the little child in Ding Meng’s stomach began kicking again.
Ding Meng’s eyebrows furrowed, glaring at Qiao Yichen with a bitter face: “He heard you!”
Qiao Yichen could not help but chuckle: “Then let’s say no more, when the time comes I’ll directly carry out the revenge.”[2]
Because Qiao Ruimeng was always so obedient, Qiao Yichen never knew the hardships of pregnancy nor was ever able to witness Ding Meng’s anguished expression. With hindsight, Qiao Yichen would’ve never had Ding Meng bear a second child.[3]
Qiao Ruimeng also had a vague understand that she was going to have a little brother, and a mischievous one at that; always tossing and turning in her mother’s stomach.
When she spotted the fetal movements in Ding Meng’s stomach, she ran over to Ding Meng and faced towards her stomach: “Little brother, be obedient. No kicking Mama, Mama is uncomfortable, then Papa is uncomfortable. Ruirui also uncomfortable.”
Ding Meng laughed as she stroked her soft hair: “Ruirui is still the most obedient.”
Qiao Ruimeng tilted her head up and laughed, revealing a pair of sweet, little dimples: “Mama, today Ruirui learned a new nursery rhyme at the kindergarten. How about Ruirui sings the song to little brother?”
“Sure.”
Thus, little Qiao Ruimeng happily sung her song. Although a lot of her enunciation was not too clear, she had a good grasp on the rhythm and melody.
Ding Meng smiled, commenting[4]: “Ruirui truly sings well. Papa would surely give you full points.”
Receiving the praise, Qiao Ruimeng’s smile became even wider: “When Ruirui grows up, also wants to be just like Mama, inside the TV singing songs.”
Ding Meng then responded: “Then Ruirui should never meet a producer like Papa, he’s very fierce.”
Qiao Ruimeng tilted her head to one side, not understanding what a producer is. Also, why did Mama call Papa fierce? Papa is clearly full of smiles all the time.
“Papa fierce at Mama?” Qiao Ruimeng looked at Ding Meng wide-eyed.
Ding Meng nodded her head, faking a miserable expression: “Whenever Papa is working, he would often be fierce towards Mama, often to the point where Mama would be in tears.”
Qiao Ruimeng pouted her lips: “Boys can’t bully girls, Ruirui don’t like Papa anymore.”
Currently working hard in the kitchen preparing food was Big Producer Qiao who had let out a distant sneeze. With an apron still on, he leaned half of his body out of the kitchen towards the two suspects: “Are you guys bad-mouthing me again?”
Qiao Ruimeng let out a grunt and ignored him. Ding Meng looked at Qiao Yichen and laughingly said: “This is a secret between girls.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
When it was bedtime, Qiao Ruimeng made a racket on wanting to sleep with Mama tonight, even exiling Papa out of his own little bed; Qiao Yichen didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Usually, he wouldn’t mind letting Qiao Ruimeng go sleep with Ding Meng, but right now Ding Meng was pregnant; he did not dare allow her to sleep by Ding Meng’s side.
Though this daughter is typically cute and lovely, but when sleeping, she obtains unimaginable power. Often during the midst of dreaming, she would use the hidden move “The Heaven and Earth Great Shift”.[5]
God knows where Ding Meng would be kicked to; there would be no hope.
But Qiao Ruimeng was adamant on sleeping with Mama. No matter how much Qiao Yichen advised her, it was of no use. In the end, Qiao Yichen waited for the moment Qiao Ruimeng fell into slumber next to Ding Meng, then carried her back to her own room.
Returning to the master bedroom, he enclosed Ding Meng into his embrace, asking: “What did you say to Ruirui today?”
Ding Meng responded: “Nothing much, I just told her how you would bully me to tears at the recording studio.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Qiao Yichen has made numerous people cry in the recording studio, but… he had never made Ding Meng cry!
Qiao Yichen went and pinched Ding Meng’s nose: “When did I ever make you cry?”
Ding Meng answered: “You haven’t seen me cry, that is because I’m strong. But in reality, my heart has long been crying rivers.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Qiao Yichen hunched over and burst into laughter.
A few months later, Ding Meng successfully gave birth to a baby boy. At that time, she was moved to the brink of tears.
Her handsome little Goudan has finally arrived! These painful past months were not for naught!
This time, Qiao Yichen thought of the name Qiao Mumeng. Compared to last name’s idea, Qiao Aimeng, Qiao Yichen thought that he had progressed leaps and bounds.
However he still received opposition from Ding Meng.
She said that the name was too feminine for a boy.
Afterwards, Qiao Yichen heard from Ding Meng’s grandmother that Ding Meng’s pet name was Han Han. Once Qiao Yichen heard the name, a lightbulb lit up in his head.
Qiao Muhan!
Qiao Muhan, as expected and preconceived by Ding Meng, was an especially mischievous trouble-maker. But fortunately he would obediently listen to his mother’s words. When Ding Meng didn’t want him to do something, he would wholeheartedly comply.
Qiao Muhan grew up particularly similar to Qiao Yichen, as if he was formed with his mold. Now, Qiao Ruimeng was already attending school; they’ve already long stopped uploading pictures of her. But Qiao Muhan, on the other hand…
Ding Meng formed a cunning smile as she snatched the camera.
She bought Qiao Muhan numerous handsome article of clothings; they were all gentlemanly, British outfits. This was because Ding Meng had told Qiao Muhan that boys ought to be like gentlemen, they must always be treating others courteously.
When Ding Meng helped Qiao Muhan put on clothes, she was able to understand Qiao Yichen’s joy towards Qiao Ruimeng.
This… is actually quite fun!
Dressing up your child as you imagine them is simply addicting!
In regards to his mother’s constant love for playing dress up games with Qiao Muhan, Qiao Muhan continued to be actively cooperative. Watching his mother in the midst of fiddling with the camera, Qiao Muhan approached and took a glance.
En, quite handsome.
Qiao Muhan’s skin tone was particularly white. Being paired with a navy blue lapel, double-breasted coat, his skin appeared even more of a pale white; an elegant demeanor. Beneath the coat, Ding Meng had Qiao Muhan wear a white shirt and even a black necktie at the neckline to top it all off. Certainly, a little gentleman.
When Ding Meng uploaded Qiao Muhan’s picture onto Weibo, users quickly reposted and commented in a flurry.
“Wowow! Every face in Lord Lemon’s family is simply in defiance of the natural order!”[6]
“Little brother! Although you are too young now, big sister here is willing to wait for you! [✽]”
“So handsome, so handsome! Lord Lemon is truly blessed. She has a little princess, and now a little prince QAQ”
“I was formerly in the Rui Rui Party, but apologies, I now must stand with Rui Han :)[7]”
“During those days when people said that Ding Meng underwent plastic surgery, and even attacked Qiao Ruimeng; here’s a slap to the face!”
“I have a premonition that a new wave of fan fiction and comics are soon to come forth.”
“Lord Lemon, I plead that you upload more of little prince Hanhan, muah!”
Qiao Muhan was still too young for the online world, unable to bear witness to this public outburst towards his pictures. But on the other hand, Ding Meng was looking at her screen and burst into laughter, her eyes completely sewn into a seam.
When Qiao Yichen brought Qiao Ruimeng back home, his hands were holding a box of fresh, frozen foods. After placing the box in the kitchen, he went and poked his head into the master bedroom: “Wife, today a friend sent me some fresh crabs. Let’s eat them tonight.”
“Oh, ok.” Ding Meng uttered these two words as her hands were still gripped onto the camera and taking pictures of Qiao Muhan.
Qiao Yichen, realizing the state of affairs in this household, helplessly pouted his lips. Unable to bring himself to attack Ding Meng, he could only point his spearhead at Qiao Muhan: “Qiao Muhan, have you learned the Chinese characters I showed you today? You can only play around after you learn them.”
Qiao Muhan slowly turned his head towards Qiao Yichen, then his eyes closed shut, bringing about a stream of tears as he leapt into Ding Meng’s bosom: “Mama, Papa is fierce again.”
Ding Meng couldn’t help but completely spoil her son. Seeing his bullied state, Ding Meng immediately shot a pair of cold eyes at Qiao Goudan: “What’s the point in speaking to our own child in such a loud voice? If I’m here and you’re like this, who knows how you treat him when I’m not present!”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Did we not agree that I would help her get revenge on this child?
Why is it now that when I’m only a bit strict, I am told off by her?
… This world is changing.
Then, Qiao Yichen studied Qiao Muhan’s facial appearance, also closing his eyes shut: “Wife, you are fierce again.”
Then and there, Ding Meng was brought to laughter. Nesting in Ding Meng’s bosom, Qiao Muhan turned his head and glared at Qiao Yichen. Those eyes that were silently glaring daggers into Qiao Yichen conveyed a single word; shameless.
Qiao Yichen tore off his necktie and ventured further into the room: “I’ve already contacted Qiao Muhan’s kindergarten. Next month we can have him begin classes.”
Although this matter has long been discussed and set in stone, Ding Meng still wrinkled her eyebrows: “Must we so quickly send him to kindergarten?”
Qiao Yichen responded: “Ruirui was also at three years old when she started going to kindergarten; this is normal. When the times comes, you should start taking less pictures of him.”
“Oh.” Ding Meng meekly placed down the camera.
Once Qiao Muhan himself heard that he is soon to be sent off to a place called “kindergarten” just like his sister, he immediately gave an aggrieved expression to Ding Meng: “Mama, I don’t want to go to kindergarten. I want to be with Mama.”
Before Ding Meng could respond, Qiao Yichen spoke up: “A boy without prospects will not be able to find a wife in the future.”
Ding Meng: “…”
“Goudan, since even a poor student like you was able to find a wife, then Hanhan will surely be able to too.” Ding Meng provided back up for Qiao Muhan.
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Must she choose this time to demolish my very being?
Qiao Muhan burst into laughter, looking at his mother saying: “Goudan, since even a poor student like you was able to find a wife, then Hanhan will surely be able to too.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
He helped give birth to a parrot![8]
Qiao Yichen then pinched Qiao Muhan’s white and tender face, rubbing his head: “What is this little Goudan saying to Goudan?”
Qiao Muhan gave a fierce glare at Qiao Yichen: “I’m not a little Goudan, I’m called Qiao Muhan!”
Qiao Yichen then raised the corners of his lips: “Then how about you ask your mother whether you are a little Goudan?”
Qiao Muhan turned his head over, eyes pleading for verification towards Ding Meng.
Ding Meng responded: “Yup, you are.”
Qiao Muhan : “…”
Ok, so he is.
At this time, Qiao Ruimeng entered the room with her workbook in hand: “Mama, I’ve finished my homework.”
Qiao Ruimeng just recently began second grade. Her grades were consistently high, just like Ding Meng in her early days.
Ding Meng took Qiao Ruimeng’s workbook and had a look inside, then praising her: “Ruirui’s handwriting is very pretty.”
Qiao Muhan suddenly spoke up: “Hanhan will definitely have prettier handwriting than big sister in the future!”
In the midst of changing clothes, Qiao Yichen let out a scoff: “Your handwriting looks like a dog had went a bitten through it.”
Qiao Muhan looked at Qiao Yichen: “Papa, why would you want to bite my writing? Are you perhaps hungry?”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Ding Meng let out a laugh: “Hahaha, I’m also hungry. Goudan, you go and prepare food, did you not say we had crab?”
“En.” Qiao Yichen looked askance at Qiao Muhan, then at Ding Meng, saying: “You should help Ruirui check her homework, I’ll go steam the crabs.”
What Qiao Yichen had brought back was a box full of three huge crabs.
When Ding Meng finished inspecting Qiao Ruimeng’s homework, she had her go and help her little brother learn Chinese characters. Ding Meng then went over to the kitchen to help Qiao Yichen prepare the food.
Not before long, the aroma of steamed crabs wafted from the kitchen. The two little rascals couldn’t sit still any longer, running into the kitchen and became onlookers. Qiao Yichen was afraid that they would get injured in the kitchen, so he had Ding Meng take them outside to play until the food was finally ready.
Qiao Ruimeng loved to eat seafood, but eating seafood is the most troublesome. It takes forever for her two little hands to unshell crab legs.
After observing for a good amount of time, Qiao Yichen let out a laugh and finally took the crab leg from Qiao Ruimeng. Pinching the leg gently two times, a kacha kacha crumbling sound sounded out. Qiao Ruimeng gazed at Qiao Yichen skillfully using his two hands on the crab shell, peeling out the shell and leaving out a complete leg of crab meat.
“Wa~ Papa is powerful.” Qiao Ruimeng’s eyes were gleaming.
Qiao Yichen gave the unshelled crab leg back to Qiao Ruimeng, not forgetting to remind her: “Don’t eat too much.”
“En”. Qiao Ruimeng then happily ate the crab meat.
Sitting across was Ding Meng who was also peeling a crab leg, letting out sounds of sniffing and appeared to be soliloquizing: “Alas, there are those who only have their daughters in their eyes, and none who is willing to unshell this crab leg of mine.”
Qiao Yichen chuckled softly, about to go and help her peel her crab leg. But moments before, Qiao Muhan was a step ahead and robbed the crab leg from Qiao Yichen’s grasp, spiritedly saying: “Mama, Hanhan will help you peel!”
Ding Meng movingly bent down, planting a kiss on his forehead: “It is still Hahan that Mama loves the most. Did you know, boys who can peel seafood can easily win a girl’s feelings.”[9]
Qiao Muhan appeared to understand, nodding his head: “Does Mama also like boys who can peel seafood?”
Ding Meng responded: “Of course. If it weren’t for your father being able peel shrimp well, I would’ve never married him.”
Qiao Muhan nodded his head again, giving his best efforts to peel his mother’s crab legs. But he is too young, even holding the crab legs with his two little hands required much effort. While giving a few glances at Qiao Muhan’s clumsy movements, Qiao Yichen faced Ding Meng and asked a question: “Originally you liked me because I can peel shrimp?”
Ding Meng laughingly responded: “Correct.”
Qiao Yichen: “…”
Then when a time comes when there’s someone who peels shrimp better than I, will she then leave me without hesitation?
While Qiao Muhan was exerting great efforts battling with the crab leg, Qiao Yichen nabbed the crab leg from his hands, doing yet again two gentle pinches, sounding out sounds of crunching: “You think you can help your mother unshell crab legs with your little arms and legs? Wait a few more years.”
Qiao Muhan furiously glared at Qiao Yichen properly peeling the crab leg and giving it to Ding Meng. Secretly in his heart, he swore an oath; one day, he will peel better than his father!
Many years later, Qiao Muhan’s first dinner after starting high school, he would elegantly peel a crab leg next to his female classmate, immediately being showered with words of praise afterwards.
“Wa, you’re so powerful Qiao Muhan!”
“Qiao Muhan, can you help me peel my crab leg?”
“Student Qiao Muhan, what is your secret behind your peeling? How can you peel so well!”
Qiao Muhan’s would smile and laugh faintly. His mother’s words were really not wrong; boys who can peel seafood will easily be able to win the feelings of girls!
However, this was simply a story in the far future.
The day after having finished eating crabs, little Qiao Muhan was sent by his father to kindergarten.
Inside the kindergarten was a rather young teacher, and a fervent one at that. After seeing Qiao Muhan, the teacher became even more passionate.
Little Qiao Muhan! She is but part of the Rui Han party![10]
Nevertheless, upon having been separated with his mother, Qiao Muhan revealed his true colors; he became a very mischievous trouble-maker. Forget the fact that he often fought with the boys, Qiao Muhan as of late has recently been pulling a female classmate’s hair; making everyone cry.
The kindergarten teacher was helpless, she could only plead Ding Meng to come.
When Ding Meng was summoned to the teacher’s office, she thought that Qiao Muhan and Qiao Yichen were awfully similar. Even the event of their teachers constantly forced to summon their parents to school, everything is exactly the same.
After listening to the teacher explaining all of Qiao Muhan’s offences, Ding Meng gave a cold glare towards Qiao Muhan. Suddenly, a pair of tears began to leak out of Qiao Muhan’s two eyes: “Mama…”
Ding Meng responded: “Don’t call me Mama. Do you remember what you promised me before coming to the kindergarten?”
Qiao Muhuan’s eyes continued to water, remaining silent. Seeing this appearance, the teacher’s heart immediately turned soft: “Boys at this age are indeed particularly naughty. You can slowly explain why what he did was wrong, no need to get angry.”
Ding Meng spoke: “I know. I apologize Teacher Cui for the trouble.”
Teacher Cui hurriedly responded: “No no, this is my job after all.”
After Ding Meng dragged Qiao Muhan back home, she still had a cold expression. Qiao Muhan knew he was in the wrong; he just stood awkwardly at one side not daring to speak.
Qiao Muhan, having put on a pitiful look, rendered Ding Meng a bit helpless. She was forced to bring him closer towards her to ask: “Why did you fight with everyone?”
Qiao Muhan responded: “It was them who first insulted me.”
Ding Meng rebuked: “That doesn’t mean you should hit them.”
Qiao Muhan then asked: “Then what should I do?”
Ding Meng pondered a bit: “You can… insult them back.”
Qiao Muhan: “…”
Ding Meng added on: “However you must be skilled when it comes to insults, you mustn’t use vulgar words, understand?”
“Understood.”
Thinking that it may be too difficult for Qiao Muhan, Ding Meng gave a suggestion: “Sometime I’ll bring you to Papa’s recording studio, so you can hear how he insults others.”
Qiao Muhan: “…”
He now really questions what exactly Papa does at work.
“Then what if others begin hitting me?”
Ding Meng mulled over what kind of little bully would dare to hit him, but still answered nonetheless: “If others begin hitting you, you can fight back, protect yourself, then find the teacher.”
“Oh.”
Finished talking about this matter, Ding Meng transitioned to the matter of pulling the female classmate’s hair: “Why did you pull on the girl’s hair?”
Qiao Muhan blandly blurted out: “She was noisy, always finding me to talk.”
Ding Meng: “…”
Glaring at Qiao Muhan, Ding Meng solemnly spoke: “Didn’t Mama tell you before, that boys can not bully girls?”
Qiao Muhan responded in an aggrieved manner: “But she is really noisy.” He didn’t go as far as hitting her, he just pulled on her hair.
Ding Meng rebuked: “But if you pull on her hair and make her cry, would she not be even more noisy?”
“Well…” Qiao Muhan was unable to refute.
“So what you’re doing is simply useless. Boys must not use violence against girls, you need to use charm to conquer them.”
Feeling that her words were too profound, Qiao Muhan was unable to understand: “What is charm?”
Ding Meng pondered for a bit: “For example, because you didn’t want to talk to that noisy girl, you can laugh instead. Be sure to laugh, then tell her that you have other stuff you need to do and have her find her other friends to play with instead. A boy with elegance must reject a girl courteously, understood?”[11]
“Understood.” Qiao Muhan nodded in understanding.
After that, when the little girl pestered him to talk again, he tried letting out a laugh and suggested her to find other little friends instead. Not expecting it to be so useful, that girl’s face blushed red and actually ran off to find other people to play with.
Qiao Muhan happily thought, Mama’s words were right.
And after that, this trick stuck with Qiao Muhan throughout his adolescence, using it more and more to the point where it reached perfection. It can be said it was a benefit for a lifetime.
[1]乔以辰此时也顾不上将来的幸福生活问题 (Really weird sentence for me qwq, I tried putting it in a way that it would have more or less the same meaning… I hope)
[2]那我们不说了，将来我直接执行。」(Not too sure about the last part of the sentence, but I think Qiao Yichen means that he’ll get even with the child regardless)
[3]With hindsight, Qiao Yichen would’ve never had Ding Meng bear a second child This is not even a Chinese problem, but an English grammar problem! It sounds weird and I’m not sure how to word it. Should it be “never had” or “never have”?
[4]丁檬笑著道 (I realized, all this time I’ve ever wrote down “He/She laughingly spoke” can also mean “He/She smilingly spoke”. Is it one way, or the other? For now I’ll just choose the word that matches most with the context.)
[5]还经常在睡梦中施展乾坤大挪移的绝招。(I’m still not certain, but after several google searches, apparently the move, “The Heaven and Earth Great Shift”, comes from a wuxia novel called “The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber”. But I’m not 100% certain as that I have no evidence to back it up.)
[6]「卧槽卧槽！檬主这一家人的颜值一个个都要逆天啊！」(I have no idea how to word this properly, so I hope the current wording is fine. The comment basically says that the faces in Ding Meng’s family are all “unnatural”, but it sounds more like an insult rather than a compliment in English…)
[7]「我是原来的瑞芮党，不好意思，现在我要站瑞晗:)」 (I’m stumped qwq)
[8]他是生了个复读机吗！(It wasn’t parrot in the raws, but a “repeater”. I thought that sounded weird in English, and an alternative word was recorder, but recorders are multi-functional. AHHHHHHH I’M GOING CRAZY)
[9]I’m not sure why, but from here, the author switches to “peeling seafood” rather than crabs. I’m not sure if it’s a Chinese thing, or maybe I just don’t know about seafood enough. But I’m sure not all seafood are “peeled” or unshelled?
[10]她可是瑞晗党啊！
[11]Just thought I should add something here; “If Qiao Muhan doesn’t understand the word “charm”, why would he know the word “courteously” or “elegance”?”. This is mainly because Chinese people seem to value manners, politeness, courtesy, elegance, and so on, a whole ton! So they use these words a lot when reprimanding and teaching their children, even teachers to students!
