I waited until we wound up back in the kitchen before I laid into Gavin.
"Nice help there, Gav. Glad to know you kept your word about backing me up tonight."
"What do you mean?"
"We were standing there yelling at each other and you didn't do a damn thing!"
"Oh, please. You weren't going to do anything to her, except maybe stick your tongue down her throat. I mean, it looked like foreplay more than anything else. Who was I to interfere?"
Gavin must have noticed my murderous expression, because he quickly grew more serious. "Look, Travis, there's something I need—"
A fist pounded on my front door, nearly rattling it off the hinges. Gavin and I shared a look, wondering who would be dumb enough to come over here.
I opened the door to find Jared on my doorstep, glaring at me and nearly shaking with rage. Oh, right. The tire. We'd stupidly believed we'd have hours before they left, forgetting the time switch would send everyone home early.
So much for our nefarious plan.
The instant I opened the door, Jared surged forward, trying to push me back into my house. Fuck that. Unlike my neighbor, there was no way I would let this little dick destroy my house. I stood entirely still on my doorstep, nearly laughing out loud when he slammed into my chest and then bounced off.
It had been so long since I'd seen Jared that I'd forgotten I had a good six inches on the guy. This pleased me for a stupid reason I refused to analyze. I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the doorway.
"Can I help you?"
"What did you do to my Jeep, you dick!"
"Whoa, such language. And I don't know what happened to your shit car, asshole. Our fathers might despise each other, but I've gone to great lengths not to repeat that mistake. How could I possibly know which shitty car you're currently driving?"
"You gave it a flat, I know you did!"
"I assure you, I did not." Technically it had been Gavin, after all.
My blasé demeanor did not go over well with Jared. He drew a large breath, his chest inflating impressively, then blew it out in short huffs as he suddenly started pacing side to side, staring at me with a pretty weird expression on his face, almost as if he simultaneously wanted to vomit and yell at me further.
He so closely resembled a bull about to charge that I laughed out loud, the sound quickly dying off when I only enraged Jared further.
"I'm going to beat the shit out of you for fucking with my car."
Well, that had escalated quickly. I straightened up, stalking forward until I was an inch away him, using all of my considerable height to tower over his diminutive size.
"What was that, now?" I said quietly.
Jared failed to notice my sudden change in tone. He grabbed my shirt, jerking me down to his eye level. Spit and sweat slid down his face and then sprayed me in a noxious alcoholic odor. "You ruined my car, asshole. It has a flat and I know it was you. Do you think you can just mess with someone's property like that?"
I chuckled darkly, snatching his wrists. He squeaked at my tight grip, eyes darting down to where our bodies joined as I ever so slowly removed his fingers from my shirt. I began backing him off my porch.
"Let me get this straight," I said, taking a casual step forward. "You come around here almost every night. You play your music at ridiculously loud levels despite having been requested numerous times to turn it the fuck down. You not only park your shitty vehicle on someone else's lawn but you also ruin their landscaping. And despite all of this shit—" I shoved him off my porch, watching him fall on his ass as he lost his balance—"somehow I'm the one who doesn't respect other people's property? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
A sliver of unease flickered in Jared's eyes, but the idiot quickly hid it and sprang up from the ground. I hopped off the porch before he could climb the steps again.
"So it was you! How else would you have known I parked on your lawn?"
"Because this wasn't the first time it happened. I also happen to have eyes, and I've witnessed you gallivanting off in the mornings in a vehicle that was parked on my lawn many, many times. It's called being observant.
"It appears that this concept is too difficult for your stupid little brain to comprehend, so let me spell it out for you. You're going to call a rideshare and get out of here. You're going to get someone to tow your fucking car off my fucking lawn. You're going to quit attending these obnoxious parties so I never have to see your stupid face again unless our fathers force us to attend the same function. And in return, I'm not going to press charges for vandalism and trespassing. Now, do you, or do you not, understand what I just told you?"
Jared launched himself at me. I landed two good punches on his ribs before someone pulled me away from him. Instinctively, I threw an elbow behind me, but my restrainer dodged and then released me. I whirled around, but it was only Gavin, who'd finally done something useful. I turned back to Jared, who was now restrained by his own friends.
Gavin stepped neatly around me to face the other group. He spread his hands in a seemingly placating gesture, but I knew him well enough to notice the tension in his back. In another two seconds, he might beat the shit out of Jared himself.
"You heard the man. You're trespassing and vandalizing my friend's property with your shitty vehicle. I'm not surprised you have a flat, by the way, judging by how cracked those tires are. When was the last time you rotated them? Never? Quit blaming others for your ineptitude. Also," he stepped closer, voice dropping even lower as he jabbed a finger toward the road, "we all know that you frequently drive out of here way over the legal limit. If I don't see you calling someone in the next sixty seconds, I'm going to add driving under the influence to the list of transgressions I report to the police. I might just do it anyway, since the lot of you are clearly a menace to society. Now get the fuck out of here."
Jared's friends dragged him off my yard, one of them already pulling his phone out of a pocket. They walked up the road a bit, watching us nervously as they waited. Gavin and I stood on the edge of my yard, arms crossed as we stared silently at them. Finally, after what felt like a stupidly long time, their car arrived and they all piled in, leaving our road blissfully quiet.
Without a word, Gavin and I returned to my house. A flash of movement flickered out of the corner of my eye. My gaze snapped to the second floor of my neighbor's window, just in time to see the curtain fall back across the window. Great. Another witness to my fight. As if she needed further ammunition for our idiotic war.
I dropped into one of my living room chairs, rubbing my head again. The fight had sobered me up, forcing me to acknowledge the fact that I had just assaulted a man.
"I actually punched that asshole, didn't I?"
"Yeah. You did. Sorry I didn't stop it in time. On the bright side, at least he attacked you first, so if anything comes of it, you can claim self-defense."
"This is fucking ridiculous. I don't have time for this shit."
"Well, he was on your property. And we all know he's been driving when he shouldn't. So there's that."
We sat in silence, quietly sipping the water I'd retrieved from the fridge. I fiddled with the wrapper, wondering how my previously ordered life had fallen apart so thoroughly mere weeks after my neighbor had waltzed her way into my life. And I'd never even met her before tonight! I just wanted to be left alone.
"Listen, Travis, there's something I really need to tell you about the woman next door, and I don't think you're going to like it."
"What, that she's the worst neighbor you've ever met?" I said weakly.
"Uh ... no. It all makes sense, now that I know who she is. Shit, in a million years, I never would have thought she meant you. I've been convinced for weeks now that her neighbor must be this huge dick. This is insane. I'm sorry to tell you that I don't think your life is about to get any easier."
"What do you mean? What are you even saying? Has she been talking about me, or something? I can't keep living like this!"
"Believe me, I know. It's just going to require a bit more delicacy than I had realized. Look, I'll explain it all tomorrow, but I really think you should get as much sleep as possible, now that you're guaranteed about eight hours or so without any obnoxious noise. I'll be in your guest room."
I stared at his retreating form, disturbed. "You better give me a full explanation tomorrow!"
I waited until we wound up back in the kitchen before I laid into Gavin.
"Nice help there, Gav. Glad to know you kept your word about backing me up tonight."
"What do you mean?"
"We were standing there yelling at each other and you didn't do a damn thing!"
"Oh, please. You weren't going to do anything to her, except maybe stick your tongue down her throat. I mean, it looked like foreplay more than anything else. Who was I to interfere?"
Gavin must have noticed my murderous expression, because he quickly grew more serious. "Look, Travis, there's something I need—"
A fist pounded on my front door, nearly rattling it off the hinges. Gavin and I shared a look, wondering who would be dumb enough to come over here.
I opened the door to find Jared on my doorstep, glaring at me and nearly shaking with rage. Oh, right. The tire. We'd stupidly believed we'd have hours before they left, forgetting the time switch would send everyone home early.
So much for our nefarious plan.
The instant I opened the door, Jared surged forward, trying to push me back into my house. Fuck that. Unlike my neighbor, there was no way I would let this little dick destroy my house. I stood entirely still on my doorstep, nearly laughing out loud when he slammed into my chest and then bounced off.
It had been so long since I'd seen Jared that I'd forgotten I had a good six inches on the guy. This pleased me for a stupid reason I refused to analyze. I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the doorway.
"Can I help you?"
"What did you do to my Jeep, you dick!"
"Whoa, such language. And I don't know what happened to your shit car, asshole. Our fathers might despise each other, but I've gone to great lengths not to repeat that mistake. How could I possibly know which shitty car you're currently driving?"
"You gave it a flat, I know you did!"
"I assure you, I did not." Technically it had been Gavin, after all.
My blasé demeanor did not go over well with Jared. He drew a large breath, his chest inflating impressively, then blew it out in short huffs as he suddenly started pacing side to side, staring at me with a pretty weird expression on his face, almost as if he simultaneously wanted to vomit and yell at me further.
He so closely resembled a bull about to charge that I laughed out loud, the sound quickly dying off when I only enraged Jared further.
"I'm going to beat the shit out of you for fucking with my car."
Well, that had escalated quickly. I straightened up, stalking forward until I was an inch away him, using all of my considerable height to tower over his diminutive size.
"What was that, now?" I said quietly.
Jared failed to notice my sudden change in tone. He grabbed my shirt, jerking me down to his eye level. Spit and sweat slid down his face and then sprayed me in a noxious alcoholic odor. "You ruined my car, asshole. It has a flat and I know it was you. Do you think you can just mess with someone's property like that?"
I chuckled darkly, snatching his wrists. He squeaked at my tight grip, eyes darting down to where our bodies joined as I ever so slowly removed his fingers from my shirt. I began backing him off my porch.
"Let me get this straight," I said, taking a casual step forward. "You come around here almost every night. You play your music at ridiculously loud levels despite having been requested numerous times to turn it the fuck down. You not only park your shitty vehicle on someone else's lawn but you also ruin their landscaping. And despite all of this shit—" I shoved him off my porch, watching him fall on his ass as he lost his balance—"somehow I'm the one who doesn't respect other people's property? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
A sliver of unease flickered in Jared's eyes, but the idiot quickly hid it and sprang up from the ground. I hopped off the porch before he could climb the steps again.
"So it was you! How else would you have known I parked on your lawn?"
"Because this wasn't the first time it happened. I also happen to have eyes, and I've witnessed you gallivanting off in the mornings in a vehicle that was parked on my lawn many, many times. It's called being observant.
"It appears that this concept is too difficult for your stupid little brain to comprehend, so let me spell it out for you. You're going to call a rideshare and get out of here. You're going to get someone to tow your fucking car off my fucking lawn. You're going to quit attending these obnoxious parties so I never have to see your stupid face again unless our fathers force us to attend the same function. And in return, I'm not going to press charges for vandalism and trespassing. Now, do you, or do you not, understand what I just told you?"
Jared launched himself at me. I landed two good punches on his ribs before someone pulled me away from him. Instinctively, I threw an elbow behind me, but my restrainer dodged and then released me. I whirled around, but it was only Gavin, who'd finally done something useful. I turned back to Jared, who was now restrained by his own friends.
Gavin stepped neatly around me to face the other group. He spread his hands in a seemingly placating gesture, but I knew him well enough to notice the tension in his back. In another two seconds, he might beat the shit out of Jared himself.
"You heard the man. You're trespassing and vandalizing my friend's property with your shitty vehicle. I'm not surprised you have a flat, by the way, judging by how cracked those tires are. When was the last time you rotated them? Never? Quit blaming others for your ineptitude. Also," he stepped closer, voice dropping even lower as he jabbed a finger toward the road, "we all know that you frequently drive out of here way over the legal limit. If I don't see you calling someone in the next sixty seconds, I'm going to add driving under the influence to the list of transgressions I report to the police. I might just do it anyway, since the lot of you are clearly a menace to society. Now get the fuck out of here."
Jared's friends dragged him off my yard, one of them already pulling his phone out of a pocket. They walked up the road a bit, watching us nervously as they waited. Gavin and I stood on the edge of my yard, arms crossed as we stared silently at them. Finally, after what felt like a stupidly long time, their car arrived and they all piled in, leaving our road blissfully quiet.
Without a word, Gavin and I returned to my house. A flash of movement flickered out of the corner of my eye. My gaze snapped to the second floor of my neighbor's window, just in time to see the curtain fall back across the window. Great. Another witness to my fight. As if she needed further ammunition for our idiotic war.
I dropped into one of my living room chairs, rubbing my head again. The fight had sobered me up, forcing me to acknowledge the fact that I had just assaulted a man.
"I actually punched that asshole, didn't I?"
"Yeah. You did. Sorry I didn't stop it in time. On the bright side, at least he attacked you first, so if anything comes of it, you can claim self-defense."
"This is fucking ridiculous. I don't have time for this shit."
"Well, he was on your property. And we all know he's been driving when he shouldn't. So there's that."
We sat in silence, quietly sipping the water I'd retrieved from the fridge. I fiddled with the wrapper, wondering how my previously ordered life had fallen apart so thoroughly mere weeks after my neighbor had waltzed her way into my life. And I'd never even met her before tonight! I just wanted to be left alone.
"Listen, Travis, there's something I really need to tell you about the woman next door, and I don't think you're going to like it."
"What, that she's the worst neighbor you've ever met?" I said weakly.
"Uh ... no. It all makes sense, now that I know who she is. Shit, in a million years, I never would have thought she meant you. I've been convinced for weeks now that her neighbor must be this huge dick. This is insane. I'm sorry to tell you that I don't think your life is about to get any easier."
"What do you mean? What are you even saying? Has she been talking about me, or something? I can't keep living like this!"
"Believe me, I know. It's just going to require a bit more delicacy than I had realized. Look, I'll explain it all tomorrow, but I really think you should get as much sleep as possible, now that you're guaranteed about eight hours or so without any obnoxious noise. I'll be in your guest room."
I stared at his retreating form, disturbed. "You better give me a full explanation tomorrow!"
