Chapter 14 – Even if you want anything else, nothing comes to mind, you
know!?
TL: Januva
Editors: Yoong & Puissansa
First published on Ainushi
「Well… That’s why I don’t have a good impression of the academy, and why I
don’t want to enroll.
Besides, I basically don’t really want to get involved with nobles. Ahwith
the
exception of Keisan
and Anisan
though.」
When I timidly looked at the 2 of them, I noticed that their expressions were stiff and
dark.
Aah~ as expected, I went overboard. Even though I know they are nobles too… just
(provisional) though! But, they are most probably nobles. Having said that, we are
teadrinking
companions and their status doesn’t matter, but it’s difficult to ask the
question now anyway, isn’t it? I don’t regret it though.
Keisan,
who was staring at the floor with his head down, said.
「Are those the only reasons why you don’t want to go to the academy? The way
the academy is run, or the attitudes of the nobles… if there’s anything else, tell me!
It doesn’t have to be about the academy either, I will be grateful to hear Az’s
feelings about your daily life.」
Nn? After making such a dark expression, you want to hear more!? Is he a M…nono,
it can’t be, it can’t be.
Keisan
smiled wryly and sighed when he saw my blank expression.
「I rarely have chances to speak to others, especially when it comes to people
outside of nobility – you could say I have never spoken to them.
The things I’ve heard from others are also not nearly as frank as Az’s. That’s why I
want to hear your opinions, if possible. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. I want to
hear it no matter what it’s about since it comes from Az.」
He really…. has quite a high status, doesn’t he? A high status even amongst
nobles, huh?
Is there anything I can say to someone like that? No!? What I said just now was
only because I snapped. Honestly speaking, I don’t even remember what I said!!
「Before that, Aniue,
can you give me some time?」
Anisan
stood up from his seat to get permission from Keisan.
After Keisan
acknowledged, Anisan
came towards me and kneeled down.
….He kneeled!? What’s he doing? This person. While I was panicking alone, he
stared at me with a serious look. Just what the heck is it?
「Az. Firstly, let me apologise. Sorry for just now.
I was at fault. I prioritised my own selfish desires and hurt your pride. This is by no
means an excuse, but I didn’t intend to do that. I just wanted you to remain in this
country. When I heard that you were going to Tournons, I unintentionally… But, I
know it’s an inexcusable act. I’m really sorry.」
It was a truly sincere apology. Can a noble, and one with a particularly high status
at that, lower his head so easily? No, I’m sure it’s only because it’s Anisan.
It’s also
because he was truly apologetic. While thinking so, I suddenly smiled.
I stood up from my seat as well, pushed it aside and kneeled before Anisan.
I
looked into his eyes as I replied.
「I’m sorry too. I unintentionally snapped at your words, and along the way ended
up venting my frustrations, even though it is something unrelated to the two of you.
I should be the one apologising.」
「Aah, aah…it’s fine. No problem. I’m the one who’s actually at fault. I thought I
made you hate me.」
「No way! I think Anisan
is a good person after all!
I just got slightly offended? I might have snapped, but I don’t hate you at all, you
knogufuu!
」
I was tightly hugged in the middle of my sentence….I think. I didn’t understand what
was going on in that instant because of the force and strength. All I knew was that
my nose hit something and it really hurt, and the painful pressure constricting me.
While I was in pain and agony, I was abruptly assaulted by a floating feeling.
I was carried by Anisan
over to the edge of the bed like this, and lowered onto Keisan’s
side. It all happened in an instant, so I couldn’t quite grasp what happened.
Anisan
sat on the opposite edge of the bed from Keisan.
A gishi sound came from
the bed….I don’t think it broke, though.
What the heck is this….this situation. I’ve said it again, this line. It keeps popping up
in my mind!?
「Aniue!
Sorry for the wait. Please continue the previous conversation.」
I raised my head to look at Anisan
and saw him smiling. Keisan
on the other hand
was smiling somewhat bitterly.
「It wasn’t that long. Don’t worry about it. Az, sorry.
I’ll apologise for my brother’s words as well. I’m really sorry.」
He bowed deeply as he apologised, giving me a shock.
It seemed to have surprised Anisan
as well.
「It’s fine! Don’t worry, really. I got mad unreasonably and ended up venting my
anger so we are equal. That’s why, raise your head please!!」
When I said that in a panic, he raised his head. I inhaled. Having incredible ikemen
who were also high nobles, kneel before me and bow deeply to me is really too
much for my heart to handle. Please, stop.
「Az is really magnanimous. We took advantage of your kindness this time. Well
then, it might be abrupt but shall we continue with our conversation?」
It really was abrupt. Well, I didn’t want them to worry about it though so it’s fine. But
even so, what should I talk about? Is there anything I can say? Being told that so
suddenly, I can’t think of anything to say. I think my current posture is one of the
reasons for that though. After all, Anisan
is holding my hands for some reason.
Even if he knows that I’m 12 years old, he probably can’t see me as anything other
than a 8 or 9 year old. It’s kind of shameful.
「You don’t have to look so worried. If you just happen to think of
something….even if I say that, it’s too vague, isn’t it?
U~n. Do you have anything else in mind related to the academy? Or even the state
of the streets or country?」
Anisan
probably couldn’t bear seeing me troubled and lent me a hand. Academy,
nope. I didn’t enroll so I only know things I heard from others. U~n, commenting on
the streets and the country sounds rather grand. Is that something you could ask a
child? No, but my mind is that of an adult so it’s alright. They might want to hear the
views of a child though.
「Academy, no. If you are fine with me sharing my personal point of view, I’ll talk.」
After I said so with a sigh, Keisan
nodded countless times with gleaming eyes.
….I definitely didn’t think Kei was cute right then, in any way.
「It’s really just my personal point of view, okay!?
This is just what I heard from others, but when you enroll in the academy, you have
to take an oath towards the King…right? To use what you learn in the academy for
the sake of the country.」
It’s just what I heard, but it seems to be an unconditional oath. Whether you
graduate or drop out from the academy, the oath will still be in effect, forever. There
seems to some kind of magic involved in the process, but I don’t know the details. I
tried asking what would happen to those who break the oath, but they wouldn’t tell
me.
The 2 of them exchanged glances and nodded. So it was true. It’s really scaryyy.
「I don’t want to make such an oath.
“Using it for the sake of the country”, it’s such an ambiguous oath.
What comes to mind first with this oath would be that it means helping out during
emergencies, or to support the country and defend it… These are to be expected
and I can accept them. But, it’s not just that. How should I say it… This oath gives
me the impression that the oath bearers are forced to work for brass of the country,
including the King, for anything conveniently labelled as “for the sake of the
country”.」
How should I say it to convey the message… it’s ambiguous, which makes it hard.
To put it simply…. I don’t want people to take advantage of it? There aren’t only
good fellows in the world. There are heaps of wickedhearted
people too, especially
the leader of this country, who seems frightening.
Above all else, Asnord of Koihana was sentenced to death because he carried out
the stalking horse noble’s orders. Who would want to end up in a similar situation!?
Even if my lord is the country, for example, I will definitely refuse. The greater the
authority, the more dreadful it will usually be.
「Good humans are not the only kind of humans out there. Bad fellows and idiots
won’t use their authority properly. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good impression of
the nobles in this country and I don’t trust them either. It’s not like I know all the
nobles, and the stupid ones are probably only just one portion of the nobility….AahI
do trust Keisan
and Anisan
though!」
Seeing their eyebrows form the 八 shape, I added on in a panic.
I wonder why…. I feel like I can see dog ears on their heads. Tails as well. Nah, just
my imagination.
These 2 are no longer expressionless. Really, you wouldn’t think that they are the
same 2 I met.
「On top of that, I want to use my strength for the sake of what I want to protect. As
long as it is precious to me, even if the country considers it “evil”, I will use my
strength to protect it.」
「Even if it means having the country as your enemy?」
I turned towards Keisan
when I heard his quavering voice, but he was not showing
anything on his face so I didn’t know what he was thinking. I heard Anisan
gulping
from the side.
「Even if it means having the country as my enemy. Even if the country, the King,
chief authorities and the citizens consider it “evil”.
But, don’t misunderstand, I will properly consider the reason why they find it “evil”. I
won’t blindly protect it just because it’s important to me. Even if it’s important to me,
I will listen to the reasons for it to be considered “evil” and think about it. Depending
on the reasons behind it, I might even end up not protecting that important thing.
But, I think the reason will have to be something quite substantial for me to forsake
it. I’m so indecisive, aren’t I?」
My eyes met Keisan’s
for a short while and the one to turn away first was him,
sighing as he did so and he covered his face.
「Come to think of it, that’s how Az is like. When we first met 4 years ago, that was
the feeling I got too.
When he helped me, a stranger with grievous wounds, I asked him what he would
do if I was actually a criminal, and he calmly answered that he would help me even
if I was. When I asked why, he said that “it’s annoying to consider that when I’m
trying to save someone” and that I didn’t seem like a bad person.
What he said after that was pretty interesting too. After helping me out for the time
being, if I really were a criminal without any acceptable reasons for committing the
crime, he’ll bring me to the police station by any means necessary. I remember
laughing when I heard that back then.」
As I watched Keisan
raise his head with a smile, I got a subtle feeling. Is it really
something that funny? Did I say something weird? U~n, if I helped someone
dangerous recover and end up exposing the people around me to danger, I can’t
just leave it alone. I would have to take responsibility. If you say I’m naive in my risk
management, I have no excuse.
Well, I did it because it seemed fun, isn’t it fine?
Chapter 14 – Even if you want anything else, nothing comes to mind, you
know!?
TL: Januva
Editors: Yoong & Puissansa
First published on Ainushi
「Well… That’s why I don’t have a good impression of the academy, and why I
don’t want to enroll.
Besides, I basically don’t really want to get involved with nobles. Ahwith
the
exception of Keisan
and Anisan
though.」
When I timidly looked at the 2 of them, I noticed that their expressions were stiff and
dark.
Aah~ as expected, I went overboard. Even though I know they are nobles too… just
(provisional) though! But, they are most probably nobles. Having said that, we are
teadrinking
companions and their status doesn’t matter, but it’s difficult to ask the
question now anyway, isn’t it? I don’t regret it though.
Keisan,
who was staring at the floor with his head down, said.
「Are those the only reasons why you don’t want to go to the academy? The way
the academy is run, or the attitudes of the nobles… if there’s anything else, tell me!
It doesn’t have to be about the academy either, I will be grateful to hear Az’s
feelings about your daily life.」
Nn? After making such a dark expression, you want to hear more!? Is he a M…nono,
it can’t be, it can’t be.
Keisan
smiled wryly and sighed when he saw my blank expression.
「I rarely have chances to speak to others, especially when it comes to people
outside of nobility – you could say I have never spoken to them.
The things I’ve heard from others are also not nearly as frank as Az’s. That’s why I
want to hear your opinions, if possible. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. I want to
hear it no matter what it’s about since it comes from Az.」
He really…. has quite a high status, doesn’t he? A high status even amongst
nobles, huh?
Is there anything I can say to someone like that? No!? What I said just now was
only because I snapped. Honestly speaking, I don’t even remember what I said!!
「Before that, Aniue,
can you give me some time?」
Anisan
stood up from his seat to get permission from Keisan.
After Keisan
acknowledged, Anisan
came towards me and kneeled down.
….He kneeled!? What’s he doing? This person. While I was panicking alone, he
stared at me with a serious look. Just what the heck is it?
「Az. Firstly, let me apologise. Sorry for just now.
I was at fault. I prioritised my own selfish desires and hurt your pride. This is by no
means an excuse, but I didn’t intend to do that. I just wanted you to remain in this
country. When I heard that you were going to Tournons, I unintentionally… But, I
know it’s an inexcusable act. I’m really sorry.」
It was a truly sincere apology. Can a noble, and one with a particularly high status
at that, lower his head so easily? No, I’m sure it’s only because it’s Anisan.
It’s also
because he was truly apologetic. While thinking so, I suddenly smiled.
I stood up from my seat as well, pushed it aside and kneeled before Anisan.
I
looked into his eyes as I replied.
「I’m sorry too. I unintentionally snapped at your words, and along the way ended
up venting my frustrations, even though it is something unrelated to the two of you.
I should be the one apologising.」
「Aah, aah…it’s fine. No problem. I’m the one who’s actually at fault. I thought I
made you hate me.」
「No way! I think Anisan
is a good person after all!
I just got slightly offended? I might have snapped, but I don’t hate you at all, you
knogufuu!
」
I was tightly hugged in the middle of my sentence….I think. I didn’t understand what
was going on in that instant because of the force and strength. All I knew was that
my nose hit something and it really hurt, and the painful pressure constricting me.
While I was in pain and agony, I was abruptly assaulted by a floating feeling.
I was carried by Anisan
over to the edge of the bed like this, and lowered onto Keisan’s
side. It all happened in an instant, so I couldn’t quite grasp what happened.
Anisan
sat on the opposite edge of the bed from Keisan.
A gishi sound came from
the bed….I don’t think it broke, though.
What the heck is this….this situation. I’ve said it again, this line. It keeps popping up
in my mind!?
「Aniue!
Sorry for the wait. Please continue the previous conversation.」
I raised my head to look at Anisan
and saw him smiling. Keisan
on the other hand
was smiling somewhat bitterly.
「It wasn’t that long. Don’t worry about it. Az, sorry.
I’ll apologise for my brother’s words as well. I’m really sorry.」
He bowed deeply as he apologised, giving me a shock.
It seemed to have surprised Anisan
as well.
「It’s fine! Don’t worry, really. I got mad unreasonably and ended up venting my
anger so we are equal. That’s why, raise your head please!!」
When I said that in a panic, he raised his head. I inhaled. Having incredible ikemen
who were also high nobles, kneel before me and bow deeply to me is really too
much for my heart to handle. Please, stop.
「Az is really magnanimous. We took advantage of your kindness this time. Well
then, it might be abrupt but shall we continue with our conversation?」
It really was abrupt. Well, I didn’t want them to worry about it though so it’s fine. But
even so, what should I talk about? Is there anything I can say? Being told that so
suddenly, I can’t think of anything to say. I think my current posture is one of the
reasons for that though. After all, Anisan
is holding my hands for some reason.
Even if he knows that I’m 12 years old, he probably can’t see me as anything other
than a 8 or 9 year old. It’s kind of shameful.
「You don’t have to look so worried. If you just happen to think of
something….even if I say that, it’s too vague, isn’t it?
U~n. Do you have anything else in mind related to the academy? Or even the state
of the streets or country?」
Anisan
probably couldn’t bear seeing me troubled and lent me a hand. Academy,
nope. I didn’t enroll so I only know things I heard from others. U~n, commenting on
the streets and the country sounds rather grand. Is that something you could ask a
child? No, but my mind is that of an adult so it’s alright. They might want to hear the
views of a child though.
「Academy, no. If you are fine with me sharing my personal point of view, I’ll talk.」
After I said so with a sigh, Keisan
nodded countless times with gleaming eyes.
….I definitely didn’t think Kei was cute right then, in any way.
「It’s really just my personal point of view, okay!?
This is just what I heard from others, but when you enroll in the academy, you have
to take an oath towards the King…right? To use what you learn in the academy for
the sake of the country.」
It’s just what I heard, but it seems to be an unconditional oath. Whether you
graduate or drop out from the academy, the oath will still be in effect, forever. There
seems to some kind of magic involved in the process, but I don’t know the details. I
tried asking what would happen to those who break the oath, but they wouldn’t tell
me.
The 2 of them exchanged glances and nodded. So it was true. It’s really scaryyy.
「I don’t want to make such an oath.
“Using it for the sake of the country”, it’s such an ambiguous oath.
What comes to mind first with this oath would be that it means helping out during
emergencies, or to support the country and defend it… These are to be expected
and I can accept them. But, it’s not just that. How should I say it… This oath gives
me the impression that the oath bearers are forced to work for brass of the country,
including the King, for anything conveniently labelled as “for the sake of the
country”.」
How should I say it to convey the message… it’s ambiguous, which makes it hard.
To put it simply…. I don’t want people to take advantage of it? There aren’t only
good fellows in the world. There are heaps of wickedhearted
people too, especially
the leader of this country, who seems frightening.
Above all else, Asnord of Koihana was sentenced to death because he carried out
the stalking horse noble’s orders. Who would want to end up in a similar situation!?
Even if my lord is the country, for example, I will definitely refuse. The greater the
authority, the more dreadful it will usually be.
「Good humans are not the only kind of humans out there. Bad fellows and idiots
won’t use their authority properly. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good impression of
the nobles in this country and I don’t trust them either. It’s not like I know all the
nobles, and the stupid ones are probably only just one portion of the nobility….AahI
do trust Keisan
and Anisan
though!」
Seeing their eyebrows form the 八 shape, I added on in a panic.
I wonder why…. I feel like I can see dog ears on their heads. Tails as well. Nah, just
my imagination.
These 2 are no longer expressionless. Really, you wouldn’t think that they are the
same 2 I met.
「On top of that, I want to use my strength for the sake of what I want to protect. As
long as it is precious to me, even if the country considers it “evil”, I will use my
strength to protect it.」
「Even if it means having the country as your enemy?」
I turned towards Keisan
when I heard his quavering voice, but he was not showing
anything on his face so I didn’t know what he was thinking. I heard Anisan
gulping
from the side.
「Even if it means having the country as my enemy. Even if the country, the King,
chief authorities and the citizens consider it “evil”.
But, don’t misunderstand, I will properly consider the reason why they find it “evil”. I
won’t blindly protect it just because it’s important to me. Even if it’s important to me,
I will listen to the reasons for it to be considered “evil” and think about it. Depending
on the reasons behind it, I might even end up not protecting that important thing.
But, I think the reason will have to be something quite substantial for me to forsake
it. I’m so indecisive, aren’t I?」
My eyes met Keisan’s
for a short while and the one to turn away first was him,
sighing as he did so and he covered his face.
「Come to think of it, that’s how Az is like. When we first met 4 years ago, that was
the feeling I got too.
When he helped me, a stranger with grievous wounds, I asked him what he would
do if I was actually a criminal, and he calmly answered that he would help me even
if I was. When I asked why, he said that “it’s annoying to consider that when I’m
trying to save someone” and that I didn’t seem like a bad person.
What he said after that was pretty interesting too. After helping me out for the time
being, if I really were a criminal without any acceptable reasons for committing the
crime, he’ll bring me to the police station by any means necessary. I remember
laughing when I heard that back then.」
As I watched Keisan
raise his head with a smile, I got a subtle feeling. Is it really
something that funny? Did I say something weird? U~n, if I helped someone
dangerous recover and end up exposing the people around me to danger, I can’t
just leave it alone. I would have to take responsibility. If you say I’m naive in my risk
management, I have no excuse.
Well, I did it because it seemed fun, isn’t it fine?
