Chapter 19
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"Cassidy, I'm leaving."
"Oh." I did not expect that I'd be this unaffected. "Where are you going?"
He hugged me and nuzzled his face on my neck. "I was voted as part of a research team in Japan. You know this has been my lifelong dream. And I can't say no."
"Okay. When?" I'm beginning to get amazed by my unaffected mood.
"On Monday." Oh so this was supposed to be a goodbye sex? So like Ethan.
"Okay. Then, take care." I smiled sweetly at him. I can see conflict in his eyes. I think he wants to say something but thought the better of it. And then,
"Cassidy." He looked at me and touched my face.
I didn't answer and let him find momentum. Instead, I looked straight at him, my eyes conveying curiosity and hope.
"Cass, I.. I.. Will we stop communicating when I get there?"
I sighed and answered him with a question, "Do you want to?"
It took a moment for him to answer. He was looking out the window as if the solution is floating out there. And then he looked back at me and said, "No. I feel I'd get lonely if I don't have you to talk to."
I raised my brows and mockingly looked at him. I countered him, "But you would definitely be busy out there, and then you'd get so tired you won't even have the time to check on your phone. And if you do have extra time, you have to talk to Cara and make things work for the both of you, knowing you're going to have a long distance relationship. You won't need me anymore." I said that while smiling, but deep inside my heart, I felt I was stabbed a million times.
He hugged me tight. He was avoiding answering me. I felt he was afraid of not knowing what would happen next.
"Cass, just promise me that you'd answer my calls. Okay? Please."
And I, being the softest-hearted person who ever existed in the entire multiverse, could only nod and hug him back.
On Sunday afternoon, I sent him home. I argued that he still has to pack a lot of his things, maybe all his things, knowing that he's gonna stay there for a long time. He reluctantly agreed but gave me a peck on the lips before he left. I smiled and waved him goodbye until the cab was lost in sight.
I sighed and dragged my body towards my home. As soon as I turned the lock, I ran to my bed and plopped facedown. I inhaled sharply. My bed smelled of Ethan. Moving to my pillows and blanket, I inhaled again, still Ethan's. Smelling myself, I smiled. Ethan has left me, but I still reek of him. I got up and changed my beddings, disinfected the whole house and took a long good bath.
Ethan's gone. I should be happy. The shackles bounding me to him has slowly shattered. If I could stop talking and thinking of him, I would be completely free. Free! Free! Free! Oh what a happy occasion. My heart soared of the hope I'm feeling that one day, I would stop seeing myself with him and that one day, I would stop seeing myself suffering because of a love that was not meant to be.
My moments of blissfulness was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I grudgingly took it from my bedside table and looked at the caller ID.
My hope shattered.
Ethan's calling.
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"Cassidy, I'm leaving."
"Oh." I did not expect that I'd be this unaffected. "Where are you going?"
He hugged me and nuzzled his face on my neck. "I was voted as part of a research team in Japan. You know this has been my lifelong dream. And I can't say no."
"Okay. When?" I'm beginning to get amazed by my unaffected mood.
"On Monday." Oh so this was supposed to be a goodbye sex? So like Ethan.
"Okay. Then, take care." I smiled sweetly at him. I can see conflict in his eyes. I think he wants to say something but thought the better of it. And then,
"Cassidy." He looked at me and touched my face.
I didn't answer and let him find momentum. Instead, I looked straight at him, my eyes conveying curiosity and hope.
"Cass, I.. I.. Will we stop communicating when I get there?"
I sighed and answered him with a question, "Do you want to?"
It took a moment for him to answer. He was looking out the window as if the solution is floating out there. And then he looked back at me and said, "No. I feel I'd get lonely if I don't have you to talk to."
I raised my brows and mockingly looked at him. I countered him, "But you would definitely be busy out there, and then you'd get so tired you won't even have the time to check on your phone. And if you do have extra time, you have to talk to Cara and make things work for the both of you, knowing you're going to have a long distance relationship. You won't need me anymore." I said that while smiling, but deep inside my heart, I felt I was stabbed a million times.
He hugged me tight. He was avoiding answering me. I felt he was afraid of not knowing what would happen next.
"Cass, just promise me that you'd answer my calls. Okay? Please."
And I, being the softest-hearted person who ever existed in the entire multiverse, could only nod and hug him back.
On Sunday afternoon, I sent him home. I argued that he still has to pack a lot of his things, maybe all his things, knowing that he's gonna stay there for a long time. He reluctantly agreed but gave me a peck on the lips before he left. I smiled and waved him goodbye until the cab was lost in sight.
I sighed and dragged my body towards my home. As soon as I turned the lock, I ran to my bed and plopped facedown. I inhaled sharply. My bed smelled of Ethan. Moving to my pillows and blanket, I inhaled again, still Ethan's. Smelling myself, I smiled. Ethan has left me, but I still reek of him. I got up and changed my beddings, disinfected the whole house and took a long good bath.
Ethan's gone. I should be happy. The shackles bounding me to him has slowly shattered. If I could stop talking and thinking of him, I would be completely free. Free! Free! Free! Oh what a happy occasion. My heart soared of the hope I'm feeling that one day, I would stop seeing myself with him and that one day, I would stop seeing myself suffering because of a love that was not meant to be.
My moments of blissfulness was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I grudgingly took it from my bedside table and looked at the caller ID.
My hope shattered.
Ethan's calling.
"Cassidy, I'm leaving." "Oh." I did not expect that I'd be this unaffected. "Where are you going?" He hugged me and nuzzled his face on my neck. "I was voted as part of a research team in Japan. You know this has been my lifelong dream. And I can't say no." "Okay. When?" I'm beginning to get amazed by my unaffected mood. "On Monday." Oh so this was supposed to be a goodbye sex? So like Ethan. "Okay. Then, take care." I smiled sweetly at him. I can see conflict in his eyes. I think he wants to say something but thought the better of it. And then, "Cassidy." He looked at me and touched my face. I didn't answer and let him find momentum. Instead, I looked straight at him, my eyes conveying curiosity and hope. "Cass, I.. I.. Will we stop communicating when I get there?" I sighed and answered him with a question, "Do you want to?" It took a moment for him to answer. He was looking out the window as if the solution is floating out there. And then he looked back at me and said, "No. I feel I'd get lonely if I don't have you to talk to." I raised my brows and mockingly looked at him. I countered him, "But you would definitely be busy out there, and then you'd get so tired you won't even have the time to check on your phone. And if you do have extra time, you have to talk to Cara and make things work for the both of you, knowing you're going to have a long distance relationship. You won't need me anymore." I said that while smiling, but deep inside my heart, I felt I was stabbed a million times. He hugged me tight. He was avoiding answering me. I felt he was afraid of not knowing what would happen next. "Cass, just promise me that you'd answer my calls. Okay? Please." And I, being the softest-hearted person who ever existed in the entire multiverse, could only nod and hug him back. On Sunday afternoon, I sent him home. I argued that he still has to pack a lot of his things, maybe all his things, knowing that he's gonna stay there for a long time. He reluctantly agreed but gave me a peck on the lips before he left. I smiled and waved him goodbye until the cab was lost in sight. I sighed and dragged my body towards my home. As soon as I turned the lock, I ran to my bed and plopped facedown. I inhaled sharply. My bed smelled of Ethan. Moving to my pillows and blanket, I inhaled again, still Ethan's. Smelling myself, I smiled. Ethan has left me, but I still reek of him. I got up and changed my beddings, disinfected the whole house and took a long good bath. Ethan's gone. I should be happy. The shackles bounding me to him has slowly shattered. If I could stop talking and thinking of him, I would be completely free. Free! Free! Free! Oh what a happy occasion. My heart soared of the hope I'm feeling that one day, I would stop seeing myself with him and that one day, I would stop seeing myself suffering because of a love that was not meant to be. My moments of blissfulness was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I grudgingly took it from my bedside table and looked at the caller ID. My hope shattered. Ethan's calling.
