Chapter 40
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We were kissing passionately. He was holding my waist and my neck. My arms were around his head, hands pulling his hair. We were grinding our bodies against each other. I hear his heavy breaths, and I'm turned on even more.
Maybe due to some position changes, I felt his hard rod. I inhaled sharply, the size of this! I arched my body up to meet my lower body to his. Oh this is...
I moaned.
He stiffened. And then he moved his face to my neck, breathing heavily.
I was breathing heavily too. I was a little disappointed because he stopped, and I really wanna ask him why. But I controlled myself and let him decide of the right moment to speak.
"Cass, we shouldn't be doing this. It's not right."
I stroked his head lightly, encouraging him to continue.
"I..I think I won't be able to control myself if we have moved further. It's not right. We are not yet married. Hell, we're not even together yet. So no."
And then he kissed me on my cheek then ran towards the bathroom.
I stayed lying on the bed, deeply thinking about Minho's words.
Why did he stop? He says it's not right.
Why is it not right? Does he mean it's not yet the right time? That would be sweet. But what if he means it's not right for him because he's gay? Oh what on earth am I saying. Of course Minho's not gay. And besides, he even said he can't control himself.
So, am I that tempting and irresistible for him? I giggled. Oh I wanted so, so much to tease him.
But, he says it's not right, which brings us back to the first question. And so the answer for it is surely the second one.
I teared up. If it really is his intention, then I don't know if I'm the right one for him. He is so perfect, he respects a woman's dignity. Men like him are so sparse in this world. How could I even meet someone like him?
Me! Who lost all my virginity, who gave everything to a man. A man who gave me so much happiness but broke up with me when faced with a difficult problem. A man who still uses me even after breaking up, for his own personal gains!
I sobbed there silently while punching my chest. Painful, so painful.
I tried to redirect my mind to ease it and my eyes fell on the window. I watched the snow falling down. I thought that if I turn my heart as cold as ice, I may not feel this pain anymore.
I don't know how long Minho's gonna stay inside the bathroom, but I feel I'm somewhat suffocated here inside.
So I stepped out of the house and sat at the slowly snow-covered backyard. I sat there, wallowing in my self-pity and anger to myself. I didn't feel the cold, because all I felt now was that strong feeling to punish myself. To punish myself of the things I have done which lead me into this sorry state.
It felt to me that I was sitting there for a long time, numb and devoid of any emotion. Just like the snow, numb and unfeeling in freezing the world.
I followed a snow flake as it fell down to watch how it freezes the grass. It was then that I noticed a thing holding my shoulders, and it seems like this thing is shaking me. I furrowed my brows and traced the source of it. And what met me was that pair of honey-colored eyes. My eyes locked on it as if I was in a trance.
"Cassidy! Cassidy! What are you doing here?! Are you alright? Tell me! What's wrong?"
I raised my arms and placed them on his cheeks. Why are they wet?
A hand wrapped around each of mine. "Cassidy. Answer me. Please." His voice broke. Is he crying? No, you don't have to cry for someone like me.
I wiped away his tears while saying, "Minho. I think I don't deserve you. I'm no good for you. I'm your unlucky star, your bad omen. I'm not for you."
"Cassidy! What are you saying?! You are definitely not that kind of person."
"No, no, no, no. I can't be with-"
"Cass, whatever it is, let's talk about it inside the house, okay? Please. Let's just go inside first."
"But-"
"Cassidy! Please." He held my hands tightly and his voice ehoed hopelessness and desperation.
I nodded. He helped me up and guided me towards the cabin. As we reached the living room, I held his hand and faced him.
"Minho, who do you think I am?"
He looked at me confusingly but still answered, "You are the woman I love. You're my Cassidy." and kissed me on the forehead and continued, "So stop all of this nonsensical questions. We'll talk later. Now go and have a warm bath. I'll prepare tea for you to drink afterwards."
I looked down. You will probably hate me later.
Because I'm a woman you may consider disgusting.
I'm a woman you'll never want to love.
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We were kissing passionately. He was holding my waist and my neck. My arms were around his head, hands pulling his hair. We were grinding our bodies against each other. I hear his heavy breaths, and I'm turned on even more.
Maybe due to some position changes, I felt his hard rod. I inhaled sharply, the size of this! I arched my body up to meet my lower body to his. Oh this is...
I moaned.
He stiffened. And then he moved his face to my neck, breathing heavily.
I was breathing heavily too. I was a little disappointed because he stopped, and I really wanna ask him why. But I controlled myself and let him decide of the right moment to speak.
"Cass, we shouldn't be doing this. It's not right."
I stroked his head lightly, encouraging him to continue.
"I..I think I won't be able to control myself if we have moved further. It's not right. We are not yet married. Hell, we're not even together yet. So no."
And then he kissed me on my cheek then ran towards the bathroom.
I stayed lying on the bed, deeply thinking about Minho's words.
Why did he stop? He says it's not right.
Why is it not right? Does he mean it's not yet the right time? That would be sweet. But what if he means it's not right for him because he's gay? Oh what on earth am I saying. Of course Minho's not gay. And besides, he even said he can't control himself.
So, am I that tempting and irresistible for him? I giggled. Oh I wanted so, so much to tease him.
But, he says it's not right, which brings us back to the first question. And so the answer for it is surely the second one.
I teared up. If it really is his intention, then I don't know if I'm the right one for him. He is so perfect, he respects a woman's dignity. Men like him are so sparse in this world. How could I even meet someone like him?
Me! Who lost all my virginity, who gave everything to a man. A man who gave me so much happiness but broke up with me when faced with a difficult problem. A man who still uses me even after breaking up, for his own personal gains!
I sobbed there silently while punching my chest. Painful, so painful.
I tried to redirect my mind to ease it and my eyes fell on the window. I watched the snow falling down. I thought that if I turn my heart as cold as ice, I may not feel this pain anymore.
I don't know how long Minho's gonna stay inside the bathroom, but I feel I'm somewhat suffocated here inside.
So I stepped out of the house and sat at the slowly snow-covered backyard. I sat there, wallowing in my self-pity and anger to myself. I didn't feel the cold, because all I felt now was that strong feeling to punish myself. To punish myself of the things I have done which lead me into this sorry state.
It felt to me that I was sitting there for a long time, numb and devoid of any emotion. Just like the snow, numb and unfeeling in freezing the world.
I followed a snow flake as it fell down to watch how it freezes the grass. It was then that I noticed a thing holding my shoulders, and it seems like this thing is shaking me. I furrowed my brows and traced the source of it. And what met me was that pair of honey-colored eyes. My eyes locked on it as if I was in a trance.
"Cassidy! Cassidy! What are you doing here?! Are you alright? Tell me! What's wrong?"
I raised my arms and placed them on his cheeks. Why are they wet?
A hand wrapped around each of mine. "Cassidy. Answer me. Please." His voice broke. Is he crying? No, you don't have to cry for someone like me.
I wiped away his tears while saying, "Minho. I think I don't deserve you. I'm no good for you. I'm your unlucky star, your bad omen. I'm not for you."
"Cassidy! What are you saying?! You are definitely not that kind of person."
"No, no, no, no. I can't be with-"
"Cass, whatever it is, let's talk about it inside the house, okay? Please. Let's just go inside first."
"But-"
"Cassidy! Please." He held my hands tightly and his voice ehoed hopelessness and desperation.
I nodded. He helped me up and guided me towards the cabin. As we reached the living room, I held his hand and faced him.
"Minho, who do you think I am?"
He looked at me confusingly but still answered, "You are the woman I love. You're my Cassidy." and kissed me on the forehead and continued, "So stop all of this nonsensical questions. We'll talk later. Now go and have a warm bath. I'll prepare tea for you to drink afterwards."
I looked down. You will probably hate me later.
Because I'm a woman you may consider disgusting.
I'm a woman you'll never want to love.
We were kissing passionately. He was holding my waist and my neck. My arms were around his head, hands pulling his hair. We were grinding our bodies against each other. I hear his heavy breaths, and I'm turned on even more. Maybe due to some position changes, I felt his hard rod. I inhaled sharply, the size of this! I arched my body up to meet my lower body to his. Oh this is... I moaned. He stiffened. And then he moved his face to my neck, breathing heavily. I was breathing heavily too. I was a little disappointed because he stopped, and I really wanna ask him why. But I controlled myself and let him decide of the right moment to speak. "Cass, we shouldn't be doing this. It's not right." I stroked his head lightly, encouraging him to continue. "I..I think I won't be able to control myself if we have moved further. It's not right. We are not yet married. Hell, we're not even together yet. So no." And then he kissed me on my cheek then ran towards the bathroom. I stayed lying on the bed, deeply thinking about Minho's words. Why did he stop? He says it's not right. Why is it not right? Does he mean it's not yet the right time? That would be sweet. But what if he means it's not right for him because he's gay? Oh what on earth am I saying. Of course Minho's not gay. And besides, he even said he can't control himself. So, am I that tempting and irresistible for him? I giggled. Oh I wanted so, so much to tease him. But, he says it's not right, which brings us back to the first question. And so the answer for it is surely the second one. I teared up. If it really is his intention, then I don't know if I'm the right one for him. He is so perfect, he respects a woman's dignity. Men like him are so sparse in this world. How could I even meet someone like him? Me! Who lost all my virginity, who gave everything to a man. A man who gave me so much happiness but broke up with me when faced with a difficult problem. A man who still uses me even after breaking up, for his own personal gains! I sobbed there silently while punching my chest. Painful, so painful. I tried to redirect my mind to ease it and my eyes fell on the window. I watched the snow falling down. I thought that if I turn my heart as cold as ice, I may not feel this pain anymore. I don't know how long Minho's gonna stay inside the bathroom, but I feel I'm somewhat suffocated here inside. So I stepped out of the house and sat at the slowly snow-covered backyard. I sat there, wallowing in my self-pity and anger to myself. I didn't feel the cold, because all I felt now was that strong feeling to punish myself. To punish myself of the things I have done which lead me into this sorry state. It felt to me that I was sitting there for a long time, numb and devoid of any emotion. Just like the snow, numb and unfeeling in freezing the world. I followed a snow flake as it fell down to watch how it freezes the grass. It was then that I noticed a thing holding my shoulders, and it seems like this thing is shaking me. I furrowed my brows and traced the source of it. And what met me was that pair of honey-colored eyes. My eyes locked on it as if I was in a trance. "Cassidy! Cassidy! What are you doing here?! Are you alright? Tell me! What's wrong?" I raised my arms and placed them on his cheeks. Why are they wet? A hand wrapped around each of mine. "Cassidy. Answer me. Please." His voice broke. Is he crying? No, you don't have to cry for someone like me. I wiped away his tears while saying, "Minho. I think I don't deserve you. I'm no good for you. I'm your unlucky star, your bad omen. I'm not for you." "Cassidy! What are you saying?! You are definitely not that kind of person." "No, no, no, no. I can't be with-" "Cass, whatever it is, let's talk about it inside the house, okay? Please. Let's just go inside first." "But-" "Cassidy! Please." He held my hands tightly and his voice ehoed hopelessness and desperation. I nodded. He helped me up and guided me towards the cabin. As we reached the living room, I held his hand and faced him. "Minho, who do you think I am?" He looked at me confusingly but still answered, "You are the woman I love. You're my Cassidy." and kissed me on the forehead and continued, "So stop all of this nonsensical questions. We'll talk later. Now go and have a warm bath. I'll prepare tea for you to drink afterwards." I looked down. You will probably hate me later. Because I'm a woman you may consider disgusting. I'm a woman you'll never want to love.
