Chapter 67
If audio player doesn't work, press Stop then Play button again
"I'm sorry Cassidy. I'm so sorry baby." He said that while still crying, I barely understand what he's saying.
I was crying too, remembering what I felt during that time.
***PAST***
It was when I told him that I was delayed for a month, and then when I took the pregnancy test, it revealed a positive result. When I saw that two line, I was both happy and sad. I really couldn't understand myself. But the first thing I did was go to a hospital to confirm, and yes it was.
I postponed saying the news to Ethan because it was his exam week. And I don't want to affect his academic performance, it was his dream. And so, I endured. Even when I felt so nauseated when I pass by the school cafeteria, I endured. I seldom go out with my friends that time, afraid that they would notice.
After his exam, I texted him that I want to have dinner with him. And I don't know but I think when you're pregnant, you're always in heat. So, we had sex that night. I stayed with him and in the morning during breakfast, I took up the courage and told him.
But before I could tell him, he said he'd wanted to break up. He said we need time for ourselves because we can't stop having sex. We had decided before to tone it down, but with the way he saw things are going, he really can't control it. He wants more and more.
I cried. He did too. I didn't know what got into me but I told him I was pregnant. And then he stopped crying all of a sudden and stared vacantly.
I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer. I stayed there to finish my meal, but still Ethan's not moving. I was starting to worry.
"Ethan?" I said, shaking his shoulders to get his attention.
He looked at me dazedly and uttered, "What did you say? You're pregnant?"
I nodded.
He inhaled deeply, and then, "Cassidy, go home. Please get out."
"But Ethan-"
"I said go. I'll contact you later."
And then I went out and handled it on my own. I decided to abort the child in an illegal clinic. Thankfully, I didn't bleed so much and so, it was safe. And then I texted Ethan, saying 'The child is gone. You are free. Goodbye.'
And then I cried my heart out at my dorm.
******
"Cassidy."
I heard my name and I was pulled away from that past. I just noticed that Ethan is sitting beside me at the couch, looking at me with a pained expression. I think he brought me here when he noticed I wasn't listening.
"Cassidy, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I left you in that moment. I'm sorry I'm sorry.."
He repeated saying sorry for god knows how long while crying. And I cried too. Cried so much that it hurts.
When we broke away I said to him and smiled painfully, "It's okay Ethan. What's done is done. You made a mistake, I had mine. We were both to be blamed. But we are starting a new life now. So, let's live it as wonderfully as we can make it."
He sighed. "I don't know if I could do that."
"Ethan, you can. I did it, and you will. Maybe it's not yet now but believe me it will."
Another sigh. "I don't know Cass. I am just so so sad right now. I don't know what to do."
"Okay come here." I hugged him and let his head rest on my shoulders. "Cry if you want, I'll take care of you."
And he did. I just rubbed his back and combed through his hair. This is what I do before to calm him when he's crying after a failed exam before. And it still does wonders to him because eventually he calmed down and fell asleep.
I positioned him on the couch and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight Ethan."
Just when I was about to rise, Ethan grabbed my hand and said, "Please stay. Please."
I sighed. "Ok. We'll just sleep alright? And I have to go early, my things are at Minho's."
"Okay." He moved to give me space. He let his arm be my pillow, his other arm draped on my stomach, his leg on top of mine.
And then he kissed the top of my head and said, "Goodnight baby."
I sighed. I'm sorry Ethan. "Goodnight."
***Ethan***
I looked at Cassidy sleeping. I wonder, if we ever didn't break up, would I still be dong this? Seeing her so beautiful while sleeping, even when waking up even if her saliva is caking her face. Gods, I still love her. Why did I even force myself to think otherwise? Why did I chicken out that last time I blurted it out to her? Why?
And now it's too late. Too damned late.
I want her back, but I would be a jerk to seek my own happiness and sacrifice her own.
I don't know where I'm supposed to be now. I'm lost. I don't even know what to do without her.
Cassidy, my baby.
"I love you."
But still, it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.
***Cassidy***
I woke up from the coldness. When I looked out the window, it was still dark. It was so damn cold. I looked behind me, and I did not see Ethan there. It was empty.
I stood up and called him, "Ethan?"
The room was silent. It was as if no one has been here ever since that night.
"Ethan?" I called again, searching every room and every nook, hoping he was just hiding. But he wasn't here.
He was gone.
He left me.
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
"I'm sorry Cassidy. I'm so sorry baby." He said that while still crying, I barely understand what he's saying.
I was crying too, remembering what I felt during that time.
***PAST***
It was when I told him that I was delayed for a month, and then when I took the pregnancy test, it revealed a positive result. When I saw that two line, I was both happy and sad. I really couldn't understand myself. But the first thing I did was go to a hospital to confirm, and yes it was.
I postponed saying the news to Ethan because it was his exam week. And I don't want to affect his academic performance, it was his dream. And so, I endured. Even when I felt so nauseated when I pass by the school cafeteria, I endured. I seldom go out with my friends that time, afraid that they would notice.
After his exam, I texted him that I want to have dinner with him. And I don't know but I think when you're pregnant, you're always in heat. So, we had sex that night. I stayed with him and in the morning during breakfast, I took up the courage and told him.
But before I could tell him, he said he'd wanted to break up. He said we need time for ourselves because we can't stop having sex. We had decided before to tone it down, but with the way he saw things are going, he really can't control it. He wants more and more.
I cried. He did too. I didn't know what got into me but I told him I was pregnant. And then he stopped crying all of a sudden and stared vacantly.
I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer. I stayed there to finish my meal, but still Ethan's not moving. I was starting to worry.
"Ethan?" I said, shaking his shoulders to get his attention.
He looked at me dazedly and uttered, "What did you say? You're pregnant?"
I nodded.
He inhaled deeply, and then, "Cassidy, go home. Please get out."
"But Ethan-"
"I said go. I'll contact you later."
And then I went out and handled it on my own. I decided to abort the child in an illegal clinic. Thankfully, I didn't bleed so much and so, it was safe. And then I texted Ethan, saying 'The child is gone. You are free. Goodbye.'
And then I cried my heart out at my dorm.
******
"Cassidy."
I heard my name and I was pulled away from that past. I just noticed that Ethan is sitting beside me at the couch, looking at me with a pained expression. I think he brought me here when he noticed I wasn't listening.
"Cassidy, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I left you in that moment. I'm sorry I'm sorry.."
He repeated saying sorry for god knows how long while crying. And I cried too. Cried so much that it hurts.
When we broke away I said to him and smiled painfully, "It's okay Ethan. What's done is done. You made a mistake, I had mine. We were both to be blamed. But we are starting a new life now. So, let's live it as wonderfully as we can make it."
He sighed. "I don't know if I could do that."
"Ethan, you can. I did it, and you will. Maybe it's not yet now but believe me it will."
Another sigh. "I don't know Cass. I am just so so sad right now. I don't know what to do."
"Okay come here." I hugged him and let his head rest on my shoulders. "Cry if you want, I'll take care of you."
And he did. I just rubbed his back and combed through his hair. This is what I do before to calm him when he's crying after a failed exam before. And it still does wonders to him because eventually he calmed down and fell asleep.
I positioned him on the couch and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight Ethan."
Just when I was about to rise, Ethan grabbed my hand and said, "Please stay. Please."
I sighed. "Ok. We'll just sleep alright? And I have to go early, my things are at Minho's."
"Okay." He moved to give me space. He let his arm be my pillow, his other arm draped on my stomach, his leg on top of mine.
And then he kissed the top of my head and said, "Goodnight baby."
I sighed. I'm sorry Ethan. "Goodnight."
***Ethan***
I looked at Cassidy sleeping. I wonder, if we ever didn't break up, would I still be dong this? Seeing her so beautiful while sleeping, even when waking up even if her saliva is caking her face. Gods, I still love her. Why did I even force myself to think otherwise? Why did I chicken out that last time I blurted it out to her? Why?
And now it's too late. Too damned late.
I want her back, but I would be a jerk to seek my own happiness and sacrifice her own.
I don't know where I'm supposed to be now. I'm lost. I don't even know what to do without her.
Cassidy, my baby.
"I love you."
But still, it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.
***Cassidy***
I woke up from the coldness. When I looked out the window, it was still dark. It was so damn cold. I looked behind me, and I did not see Ethan there. It was empty.
I stood up and called him, "Ethan?"
The room was silent. It was as if no one has been here ever since that night.
"Ethan?" I called again, searching every room and every nook, hoping he was just hiding. But he wasn't here.
He was gone.
He left me.
"I'm sorry Cassidy. I'm so sorry baby." He said that while still crying, I barely understand what he's saying.I was crying too, remembering what I felt during that time.***PAST***It was when I told him that I was delayed for a month, and then when I took the pregnancy test, it revealed a positive result. When I saw that two line, I was both happy and sad. I really couldn't understand myself. But the first thing I did was go to a hospital to confirm, and yes it was.I postponed saying the news to Ethan because it was his exam week. And I don't want to affect his academic performance, it was his dream. And so, I endured. Even when I felt so nauseated when I pass by the school cafeteria, I endured. I seldom go out with my friends that time, afraid that they would notice.After his exam, I texted him that I want to have dinner with him. And I don't know but I think when you're pregnant, you're always in heat. So, we had sex that night. I stayed with him and in the morning during breakfast, I took up the courage and told him.But before I could tell him, he said he'd wanted to break up. He said we need time for ourselves because we can't stop having sex. We had decided before to tone it down, but with the way he saw things are going, he really can't control it. He wants more and more.I cried. He did too. I didn't know what got into me but I told him I was pregnant. And then he stopped crying all of a sudden and stared vacantly.I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer. I stayed there to finish my meal, but still Ethan's not moving. I was starting to worry."Ethan?" I said, shaking his shoulders to get his attention.He looked at me dazedly and uttered, "What did you say? You're pregnant?"I nodded.He inhaled deeply, and then, "Cassidy, go home. Please get out.""But Ethan-""I said go. I'll contact you later."And then I went out and handled it on my own. I decided to abort the child in an illegal clinic. Thankfully, I didn't bleed so much and so, it was safe. And then I texted Ethan, saying 'The child is gone. You are free. Goodbye.'And then I cried my heart out at my dorm.******"Cassidy."I heard my name and I was pulled away from that past. I just noticed that Ethan is sitting beside me at the couch, looking at me with a pained expression. I think he brought me here when he noticed I wasn't listening."Cassidy, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I left you in that moment. I'm sorry I'm sorry.."He repeated saying sorry for god knows how long while crying. And I cried too. Cried so much that it hurts.When we broke away I said to him and smiled painfully, "It's okay Ethan. What's done is done. You made a mistake, I had mine. We were both to be blamed. But we are starting a new life now. So, let's live it as wonderfully as we can make it."He sighed. "I don't know if I could do that.""Ethan, you can. I did it, and you will. Maybe it's not yet now but believe me it will."Another sigh. "I don't know Cass. I am just so so sad right now. I don't know what to do.""Okay come here." I hugged him and let his head rest on my shoulders. "Cry if you want, I'll take care of you."And he did. I just rubbed his back and combed through his hair. This is what I do before to calm him when he's crying after a failed exam before. And it still does wonders to him because eventually he calmed down and fell asleep.I positioned him on the couch and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight Ethan."Just when I was about to rise, Ethan grabbed my hand and said, "Please stay. Please."I sighed. "Ok. We'll just sleep alright? And I have to go early, my things are at Minho's.""Okay." He moved to give me space. He let his arm be my pillow, his other arm draped on my stomach, his leg on top of mine.And then he kissed the top of my head and said, "Goodnight baby."I sighed. I'm sorry Ethan. "Goodnight."***Ethan***I looked at Cassidy sleeping. I wonder, if we ever didn't break up, would I still be dong this? Seeing her so beautiful while sleeping, even when waking up even if her saliva is caking her face. Gods, I still love her. Why did I even force myself to think otherwise? Why did I chicken out that last time I blurted it out to her? Why?And now it's too late. Too damned late.I want her back, but I would be a jerk to seek my own happiness and sacrifice her own.I don't know where I'm supposed to be now. I'm lost. I don't even know what to do without her.Cassidy, my baby."I love you."But still, it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.***Cassidy***I woke up from the coldness. When I looked out the window, it was still dark. It was so damn cold. I looked behind me, and I did not see Ethan there. It was empty.I stood up and called him, "Ethan?"The room was silent. It was as if no one has been here ever since that night."Ethan?" I called again, searching every room and every nook, hoping he was just hiding. But he wasn't here.He was gone.He left me.
