Volume 1 Chapter 3 Part 3
Chapter 3: Liberty and Equality and Fraternity and...
After making a complete round through the town once, we return to the mansion——it is now roughly 3 in the afternoon.
Of course, this is according to my watch, not a clock from this side. According to Matoba-san, however, it seems that the length of days and years here are not that different from our own world, so he said that there is no need for me to re-adjust my watch.
There is, of course, a proper reason why we’ve returned at a relatively early hour.
It is to entertain a certain guest who has been dropping by every single day lately.
In other words——
“Umu......”
Peering at a manga while on top of my knees, completely settled in as if she’s claimed the spot, is Her Imperial Majesty of the Holy Eldant Empire, Petrarca-sama.
“To think that the troubadour would stand up to the Danger Designated Species, the Crimson Dragon. He cannot win with merely song and bow, what is he going to do......Shinichi, hurry up and read the next page!”
The one who’s gazing at the manga in high spirits is Petrarca.
Ever since the first visit on that day, she’s been coming to my mansion everyday around the same time and ordering me to read manga to her. The lively voice with which she gives me this order conveys to me her honest enjoyment of manga.
......More like, is it fine for the head of a country to slip out of the palace so frequently to come play?
So far as it goes, a few escort knights and Prime Minister Zahal are currently outside the room, but that still seems too glib, in my opinion. But well, most likely the people who actually carry out the governmental affairs are Prime Minister Zahal and the knight from that time, Galius.
However......although from an outsider’s perspective this situation might seem like an extremely enviable one to the degree of asking “what are you being rewarded for?”, hugging a cute girl who’s sitting on my knees for a long time is surprisingly tiring.
Of course, if I get any funny ideas, a very troubling place will quickly wake up. As Petrarca is sitting on my knees, it’d be detected immediately. If that actually happened, I’d definitely get beheaded for lèse majesté.
Even though I would probably be forgiven if I apologized earnestly, this task is quite tough in and of itself. Petrarca is light indeed, but my legs would still become numb after she sits on my knees for longer than an hour. Furthermore, reading the lines and onomotopeia aloud nonstop causes my throat to get parched and my voice to go hoarse.
I think I’ll call it quits today soon.
Right when I’m starting to think about taking a break like I usually do——
“Your Majesty. Danna-sama.”
Accompanying the knock on the door is Miusel’s bell-like voice.
“Please excuse me.”
With that simple phrase, Miusel opens the door and pushes the service cart into the office.
A faint, sweet smell wafts into the air and reaches my nose. Some sort of Western confectionery that looks like choux creme is being served on the silver platter. Not sure what’s going on, my eyes are round with surprise. Miusel gives us a slightly bashful smile.
“I have prepared tea and some creme lunt to go along with it.”
I involuntarily throw several glances at her.
“I didn’t ask for this though......”
“Indeed. However, I had thought that it was about time for you to grow tired......”
So said Miusel.
As expected of a maid-san——she’s such a considerate person. She even brought something sweet for my mental fatigue.
“It’s a great help. Well then, how about let’s stop here and take a break?”
“What are you saying!”
The expression on Petrarca’s face is one of outrage.
“Right now, we’re at such a good part of the story!”
“My throat is so parched that it’s getting hard to read. Let’s have tea, okay?”
With a gentle smile, I spoke in a tone like that of someone trying to admonish a child.
However, this turns out to have triggered the opposite effect.
This is something that I only learned later, but——Petrarca is indeed quite sensitive about her child-like physique, so she hates being treated like a child. Although I know that she’s 16 years old, aside from her appearance, her almost unreasonable willfulness and half-baked sophism also contributed to my impression of her as someone childish......and thus the attitude that I involuntarily took with her is like one that I would a child.
And boy did that make her displeased......
“............”
In complete silence, the loli Empress finally lowers herself from my knees.
My relief lasted only a brief moment. Abruptly changing the direction that her body is facing, she turns to glare at Miusel.
“What is up with you! Every time, every time......how dare a mere maidservant get in my way!”
In a very annoying and provocative way, Petrarca begins to rail at Miusel.
Perhaps she’s been bearing with things in her own way. As if trying to release all of her pent-up resentment, she continues shouting in a berating tone.
“This time, too, you were timing it on purpose to force your way in just when it was getting good!”
“I was......I was just......”
Being suddenly yelled at, the blood quickly drains from Miusel’s face.
I mean, of course it would. Despite her loli appearance or whatever, the other party is still the Imperial Empress.
“It’s just......I thought Danna-sama would be getting tired......”
Miusel’s words made logical sense. They did, but......
Against a person holding absolute power, the effect was like pouring oil onto a fire.
“You dare talk back to me?!”
Looking like she had been insulted, Petrarca is now red to her ears and her voice is trembling.
“You——you mere mutt!!”
“I, I’m terribly sorry......!”
So said Miusel while throwing herself prostrate on the floor.
From Petrarca’s manner of speaking, it is almost as if Miusel’s sin is being a half-elf. Unable to give a proper rebuttal, all she can do is to beg for forgiveness.
As for me, having this composition of discrimination thrust before my eyes all of a sudden, I am dumbfounded with blank amazement.
I have to stop this. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but I have to stop this.
Despite such thoughts, I know that against the conflagration of Petrarca’s rage, anything I say would only fan the flames......I am merely flapping my mouth open and closed without actually doing anything.
In the middle of this scene of carnage——
“What is this uproar?”
From the direction of the door that is still open, an astonished voice carries our way.
“Ah——”
I unconsciously stiffen my body.
The person who showed up was a silver-haired handsome man——the knight called Galius.
Previously, due to our first meeting at the royal castle when I couldn’t hold myself back from raising an objection to his words, and also due to Minori-san’s speculation as a fujoshi, I know that I’m bad at handling this person. I’ll also say this, but he seems pretty inflexible and has an overly serious vibe, and he gives off the impression of being one of those “accomplished guys” who’s good in both the literary and the military arts——to be even more blunt, he seems like a complete riajuu.
(T/N: 'Riajuu' refers to those who are living fulfilled lives, have lots of friends, are outgoing and popular, and are interested in 'real life things.' The term is often used by otaku to refer to 'everyone who is not an otaku.')
“Having heard that her Majesty had come here, I came to see the state of things, but......”
Drawing his eyebrows together into a frown, the knight Galius looks around the office.
If it’s the Galius who’s always giving off this “conventional knight in shining armor” vibe, then perhaps he would remonstrate Petrarca for unreasonably rebuking Miusel. After all, when one thinks of knights, the image is, of course, that of someone who protects the weak and brings down the strong.
“Petrarca......Her Majesty, she's......”
“Fumu?”
After a single glance at Petrarca, who is still raving against Miusel——he sighs heavily. Then he begins walking towards Petrarca............
“Wait a......Galius......-san?”
Of all things, he continues walking and passes by Petrarca, heading towards me composedly, before finally sitting down on one of the sofas facing the table. It is as if he has no intention whatsoever of stopping Petrarca——more like, his attitude is as if he can’t even see the shouting Petrarca and the Miusel prostrate on the ground.
“You’re not going to stop her?”
“Every time her Majesty loses her temper, it takes a while for her to calm down. Don’t worry, we simply have to bear with it until she tires herself out.”
The knight Galius nonchalantly gave me such an explanation.
He’s completely giving off this feeling of “an elder brother who’s used to his little sister’s temper.” Aah. If I remember right, this handsome guy is Her Imperial Majesty’s blood relative, isn’t he.
“No, no, no, no, let’s stop her right now!”
“Stop her? Why?”
Looking completely mystified, so asked the knight Galius.
Is this guy for real.
“If you find it too noisy, then you can just plug up your ears.”
“That’s not the point. I mean, Miusel is——”
“Fumu?”
As if he has just noticed the presence of Miusel, the knight Galius blinks a few times before turning to look over at Petrarca’s position.
“By ‘Miusel,’ are you referring to that half-elf servant? What about her?”
“Even though she didn’t really do anything wrong, she’s being berated so severely.”
“The servant got on her Majesty’s nerves, so it can’t be helped, right?”
His tone of voice seemed to imply “what is this guy talking about?”
“It’s not like she’s killing her. Something like a mere beating is compensated for within her wages. In the first place, she’s a half-elf, so her social status is not that of someone who’s normally allowed to be the servant of a noble. Therefore, this is to be even more expected as part of her job. She herself has the resolve to bear this——if she does not, then it only means she’s not worthy of being a maid.”
“Wait a......?!”
Struck completely dumbfounded, I am in a daze.
Even up to this very moment, over something that she has no responsibility for——being showered with ridicule simply because of her birth, unable to raise any sort of rebuttal, only allowed to curl up in terror.
『If you wish to hit me, then please use this.』
I recall Blük saying that while handing me a stick, and Miusel worrying about my fist before the Blük who hadn’t done anything wrong.
All this is to be expected. After all, this country called Eldant Empire is——
“Ku............”
Uncharacteristically of me, rage is bubbling up from the bottom of my stomach and filling me.
“......What happened to your knight’s code?”
“Knight’s code?”
The knight Galius raises one eyebrow in surprise.
He is a picture-perfect knight-sama who emanates dignity and refinement without even having to do anything. Despite that, the words that come out from his mouth are literally dripping with discrimination and prejudice. I simply cannot stand it any longer.
“In what way is the knight’s code related to this situation?”
Does he really not understand? This bastard.
“The nobles who claim to be part of our Eldant Empire’s honorable knights are those who join the army and thoroughly study etiquette and the duties that they must perform. That is our knight’s code.”
The matter of crushing the strong to protect the weak is not within the knight’s code that he described.
Speaking of which, the bushido that has been often equated to the knight’s code is something established during the Edo period. There are scholars who hold the view that such idealism had not existed during the Sengoku period. They argue that the idea of ‘bushido’ is merely something thought up by martial artists who could no longer gain fame on the battlefield nor acquire actual results at a time when the very concept of ‘martial arts’ was becoming obsolete.
(T/N: The Japanese word for the ‘knight’s code’ mentioned here is ‘kishido,’ which literally translates as “the path of a knight.” Similarly, ‘bushido’ literally translates as ‘the path of a bushi.’ The similarity in the naming also contributes to the two concepts being equated. ‘Knight’s code’ sounds cooler and is more well-known than ‘path of a knight’ so that’s what I’m sticking to.)
Following such logic, because the Eldant Empire is still in conflict with neighboring countries over national borders, the prevalent ideology is utilitarianism, which basically means survival of the fittest——something like “saving the weak” would be nothing more than an empty slogan.
“It seems that you have some misunderstanding in regards to what it means to be a knight. No matter, I’ll tell you. A ‘knight’ is an existence whose duty is to protect the country that is ‘the Eldant Empire,’ and is someone who embodies this country’s laws and general principles. If there is an element that acts contrary to these truths, then we must volunteer our lives to fight that element. However, we do not have the authority to intervene in affairs that are properly following those principles.”
“By ‘following those principles,’ you mean——”
“That thing over there is not even an elf——she is a half-elf with impure blood, while Petrarca is this Eldant Empire’s Empress. The Empress holds the authority to decide her life and death.”
“............”
I am——extremely pissed.
People in the surroundings completely accepting certain values with “it’s always been that way” as the only reason, not sparing even a single thought for those hurt by such principles.
Aah, that’s right——I am struck by a light dizziness as I come to a sudden realization and remember something.
The label that people had stuck onto me of their own accord.
『This is how these things are.』
『This is how this guy is.』
Seeing something, or someone, from only one perspective and making up assumptions based on that narrow view.
Because he’s an otaku.
Because they’re people from a parallel world.
Because she’s a child of mixed blood.
I hate people who would sum up an entire person with a single easy-to-understand word, then act like they’ve understood everything about that person. Even in the case of otakus, there are many different kinds. There are good people, and there are bad people. Even in the case of lolicons, who are often spoken of with almost the same words used for criminals, the single word is not capable of fully representing every single person that it is applicable on. Of course, there are those idiots who would abduct little children to sexually abuse them, but on the other hand, there are respectable ones who wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice themselves to protect little children when something happens.
Despite this......again and again, people tie everyone else up with simplified common prejudices and abandon all efforts towards any deeper understanding.
Because that guy’s an otaku, it’s fine to ridicule him.
Because that girl’s of mixed blood, it’s fine to discriminate against her.
Because that person’s——
“In the first place, how can I even drink the tea poured by a half-elf!”
Petrarca’s harsh words are continuing even now.
“I’ve heard that bastards like you aren’t welcome in elf settlements, and that you had to live crawling through the mud in the swamplands! What are you going to do about it if the smell of mud rubs off on me!”
The barrage of verbal abuse that can only be thought of as false accusations.
Due to an overload of terror and despair, Miusel’s mind has apparently shut down, and I can see from the side that her face has gone completely blank even while her body is maintaining the prostrate posture.
That——is me.
The me who confessed to my childhood friend but was rejected with “because you’re an otaku” as the reason. She based her evaluation criteria solely on public opinion, and thus refused to look my way.
Even I’m not exempt from this, by trying to sum up my childhood friend with random nonsense like “girls of this generation are cold and indifferent.” Trying to get by with that prejudiced paradigm alone.
Unable to raise a single word in protest against an insult built upon logic without a basis, I simply gave up while telling myself “this is how the world sees things.” In the end, all I can do is revisit that scene again and again in my dreams to shout out the words that I couldn’t give voice to at the time. What a miserable thing to repeat.
I really wanted to become one of those awesome and cool protagonists from manga or anime or games or light novels.
You may even call it chuunibyou, but what I wanted is a power that gives me the strength to blow away all irrationality——I wished to become an amazing person who is capable of boldly giving word to what I believe in, even if I had to turn everyone around me into an enemy.
My textbooks. What manga and anime and games and light novels have taught me.
That is——
“Petrarca!”
Before I knew it, I’d come up from behind and grabbed her wrist.
It was a capricious act. Therefore, even the knight Galius has only half risen from the sofa in shock.
The entire place has frozen up, like as if the air has turned into ice.
I had intended on shouting at Petrarca. I had intended on letting her experience what it feels like to be insulted with discriminatory words like what she’s doing to Miusel. After all, she’s probably never been shouted at before in her entire life. What do I care that it’s an immature thing to do!
That’s what I had intended............................................................but.
“......Shinichi......?”
In the hand that I’d grabbed, she is still holding aloft a choux creme——I meant, creme lunt——that she was about to throw. However, when she turned around, what I see in her face isn’t anger, but rather a dazed look that gave off a silly impression.
She’s surprised. Furthermore, she even looks a little scared.
“............”
When I see her face, which is looking like that of a child being scolded——I feel all my anger dissipating, just like a balloon with a hole poked into it. From the hand of the girl whose eyes have turned round and whose body has stiffened up, I take away the confectionery that was about to be wasted, and for starters, threw a wry smile.
“Ummm......well......how do I put this......”
This is no good. I can’t come up with a cool line on the spot.
In these kinds of situations, what do protagonists say? I rapidly browse through the library inside my head, but I can’t seem to find the appropriate words.
As I continued to hem and haw, Petrarca’s face turns into a scowl and she glares at me.
“Shinichi, what is your intention in covering up for such a vulgar thing?!”
“My ‘intention’? ...... I simply couldn’t bear the sight any longer.”
I decide to try putting my thoughts into words.
“I, too, have been arbitrarily condemned and persecuted against.”
“‘Condemned and persecuted’? What are you talking abo——”
“You see, Petrarca.”
I speak quietly.
Not in a way like I’m admonishing her, but in a way like I’m appealing to her.
“In our culture, there’s no such thing as a difference in social status.”
“Muu?”
The girl Empress tilts her head, indicating that she doesn’t fully understand.
To be honest, my back is now extremely itchy from the embarrassment, but......I tell myself to endure it, and I continue speaking.
“Ideas like liberty and equality and fraternity......those are the foundations of the culture where I’m from.”
(T/N: Fraternity means ‘brotherhood,’ or ‘love for fellow humanity.’ I’m keeping fraternity here, even though it’s not an oft used word, because the original French motto is “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité.” Look up the French Revolution if you want to know more.)
Speaking of which, I’d heard that France is comparatively receptive to Japan’s otaku culture. Perhaps it’s because it is a country that touts such principles as national policies. Well, such a thought has suddenly flit through my mind, but that’s completely unrelated to what’s going on here, so let’s put that aside.
“In order to properly enjoy the culture that I’m bringing in, Petrarca, you don’t have to actually adopt such values, but you must at least understand them.”
“............”
Petrarca’s eyes are round with surprise, like she’s hearing a new language for the first time. Suddenly deciding to gauge the reactions of the other people in the room, I notice Galius——and of all things, even Miusel herself——looking dazed.
I can’t tell if this silence that’s filled up the office is heavy or light.
And then——
“......Shinichi.”
The one who spoke up first is Petrarca.
“What is this ‘ee-kwa-lee-tee’ that you speak of? Is it the name of some philosopher or something?”
“............”
Oh right, sometimes, when conversing through this magical ring, meaningless words get mixed in. Apparently, in the cases when both sides do not both understand the concept being spoken of, the interpreting function cannot handle it and lets the word through as is.
In other words, Petrarca, you don’t even know the concept of equality?!
Perhaps because she’s been raised as an Empress, no one’s ever taught her about it?
Her words made me shudder with foreboding......and the knight Galius fulfills my foreboding by raising a question in a puzzled tone.
“‘Liberty’ means “not bound by anything” and “refusing all restrictions,” right? In other words, Kanou Shinichi, you are speaking of conduct that deviates from the law?”
Omg wait a freaking second. How the hell did he come to that interpretation?!
Furthermore——
“Umm......”
With a timid and trembling voice, even Miusel raises a question.
“By ‘fraternity,’ are you perhaps speaking of romantic emotions......?”
“......I have to start from all the way there?!”
I unconsciously shouted out in a voice that bordered on a shriek.
Unlike my usual self, I had become indignant at witnessing a graphical composition of discrimination.
This is——not even on the level of it being anyone’s fault.
For Miusel it’s only natural, but even those on the ruling side, namely, Petrarca and Galius, are imprisoned by prejudices and have made no effort towards trying to reach the view from outside. The way of ruling that relies on social castes is very deeply ingrained in them......more like, their entire worldview has been built upon such a system, so they haven’t even considered questioning those views. Just like the frog stuck inside the well, or someone who’s never seen an ocean being unable to imagine one.
“Oh man......”
I hold my forehead and let out a soft groan.
For things like electricity and literacy rate, I had the resolution that I would need to set up a certain amount of infrastructure before I can bring in otaku works, but——does this mean that I will have to start from abstract concepts?!
As otaku works are made in modern-day Japan, they are mostly based on individualism and equality, and concepts such as totalitarianism and discrimination are being presented as enemies within many of them. Therefore, without understanding individualism and equality, the reader will not be able to empathize with the main characters.
I’m moaning while at a complete loss, but then——
“......Interesting.”
The knight Galius suddenly said something like that.
Eh, wait, “interesting”? Did he just say “interesting”? This person?
“Here I was, thinking that you’d let your anger take its course and reproach Her Majesty, but......is this the spirit of the “liberty, equality, and fraternity” that you speak of? At any rate, the fact that you were able to curb her Majesty’s anger with words alone is of great interest indeed.”
“......Ah......yes......”
This reaction from the knight Galius is completely beyond my expectations.
“To be frank, the culture of our Eldant Empire has been stagnating for the past half century, and has been said to be declining on a road with no return. As a result of prolonged war, there has been no room for new culture to arise, nor any space for new culture to be imported.”
“............”
I feel like I can somehow understand.
Culture——especially a culture with diversity, is a product that matures as a result of surplus and bountifulness. Of course, culture still happens during wartime, and it still matures, but somehow it is always much more limited than it is during peacetime. More like, it is only allowed to exist as in limited amounts. Japan during WWII and China’s Cultural Revolution are both very vivid examples of this.
“There are learned men who, even from a while back, have raised the view that this is due to the citizens’ dynamism being worn down. However, this is not something that can be directly seen with the naked eye, so countermeasures somehow keep being forestalled.”
“......Well, I can imagine.”
As I had thought, this knight is actually really sharp.
Though still rough around the edges, he is capable of thinking in a way very similar to sociology. It must be because of the special perspective of his position as someone overlooking society as a whole. Of course, this way of thinking might just be something that he’s parroting from someone else, but the fact that his upbringing has enabled him to think in such a way in this medieval-like world is already a praiseworthy thing.
“That is why Prime Minister Zahal and others are so actively advocating commerce with your side. I held doubts towards such thinking, but I shall now alter my attitude a little.”
The handsome knight stands up and is now walking towards me.
His face, which is so beautiful that I would have fallen for him already if I was a girl, draws so close that our noses almost touch.
Too close, too close, WAYYY too close! What the heck is with this distance?!
Furthermore, he takes my hand with a smile on his face. And he’s doing it like a knight taking the hand of a lady——GYAAAAAA?!
“I had thought you a delicate and undependable youngster, but......braving the danger of being charged with lèse majesté, all to save a mere maidservant, you——I mean, your culture, is very much tickling my fancy.”
Wait a freaking second omg did you just almost say “you are very much tickling my fancy”?!
“I shall lend you my aid. I believe that you might be the one who will smash open the prison that we have been locked into.”
Speaking in an almost-whisper makes his words somehow sound obscene.
I am feeling chills which are making every hair on my body stand on end, but——
“Galius!”
Petrarca’s voice thankfully scatters the scent of roses that was quickly increasing in density.
(T/N: Again, roses represent the yaoi genre. Too bad Minori-san is not in this scene.)
“Do not act beyond the boundaries of your authority!”
“——Ha.”
With a “ha,” the knight Galius lets go of my hand and makes a bow.
(T/N: “Ha” here is like a more refined form of “oops,” or whatever you say when you suddenly come back to your senses.)
“I have behaved discourteously, your Majesty.”
“That kind of decision cannot be made by you alone. It must be properly passed through me.”
Petrarca raises her voice as if in indignation.
Then, she turns around to face me.
“Shinichi. Today, as Galius has said, in light of your mettle that enabled you to remonstrate myself even at the risk of lèse majesté, I shall excuse both you and the maidservant over there.”
“I......see. Thank you.”
“However, I shall order you once again.”
With a great, big smile, Petrarca continues speaking.
“Teach us also that Japanese of yours. I cannot stand the fact that there is something that even the likes of a maidservant knows that the Empress that I am do not. I shall be the first to master the Japanese language, so that I can personally make sure of whether this otaku culture that you wish to bring in will truly bring relief to my country’s cultural stagnation or not!”
......You are saying such grand and exaggerated things, but you just want to be able to read manga by yourself as soon as possible, right?
But well, I’m of course not stupid enough to actually say such suicidal words. All I can do is nod.
“Galius. We are returning to the castle immediately. Also, call Zahal. From this day on, we will be coming to this mansion as a part of official business, so, you explain to him the purport of these visits!”
......Which means, just as I had thought, you’ve been sneaking out of the castle to come here this entire time, haven’t you.
“Make space in your schedule starting from tomorrow, Shinichi!”
“Umm......around the same starting time and duration as today?”
What ‘starting from tomorrow’......these past few days, you’ve already been coming daily.
“That is fine!”
Nodding in satisfaction, Petrarca then turns to throw a glance at Miusel and fixes her in her gaze.
Towards the girl who has unconsciously ducked her head——the girl Empress haughtily makes a declaration.
“Furthermore, you. Your name is Miusel, right? I shall not forgive you if you steal a march on me.”
“Eh? Ye-Yes.”
Without having been given any time to consider Petrarca’s words, Miusel nods reflexively.
“Don’t go sneaking private lessons with Shinichi on the side.”
“Ye-Yes.”
Miusel nods again earnestly.
It seems like I’ve somehow stopped Petrarca from demeaning Miusel any further, but......in exchange, a strange sense of rivalry seems to have sprouted. I feel a rare sense of foreboding, but if I try to confirm it here, then it would only unnecessarily cause the conversation to roll downhill in a heedless direction, so it is fear that is holding me back.
“Well then——see you all tomorrow. We’re leaving, Galius!”
“Yes. I shall accompany you, your Majesty.”
With that——the Empress who is like a typhoon and her knight withdrew from the room together.
And after that.
“......Ummm.”
A queer silence has been left behind in the office.
When Miusel and my eyes meet......I speak first while scratching my cheek.
(T/N: Anime characters scratch their cheek or the back of their head when they’re confused, not because those places are itchy.)
“Miusel. I’m sorry, but can you brew a new pot of tea for me? I think the previous one has probably cooled down by now. After you went to the trouble of making these pastries, I want to properly enjoy them together with some hot tea.”
“Ah. Yes.”
Getting up, Miusel smiles at me in happiness.
“I shall bring it at once, Danna-sama.”
After seeing her out as she pushes the service cart——I sigh with relief.
But at this time......I was not yet completely aware of the exact effects on the entire country of this Eldant Empire that will take place because of what I am trying to do.
Volume 1 Chapter 3 Part 3
Chapter 3: Liberty and Equality and Fraternity and...
After making a complete round through the town once, we return to the mansion——it is now roughly 3 in the afternoon.
Of course, this is according to my watch, not a clock from this side. According to Matoba-san, however, it seems that the length of days and years here are not that different from our own world, so he said that there is no need for me to re-adjust my watch.
There is, of course, a proper reason why we’ve returned at a relatively early hour.
It is to entertain a certain guest who has been dropping by every single day lately.
In other words——
“Umu......”
Peering at a manga while on top of my knees, completely settled in as if she’s claimed the spot, is Her Imperial Majesty of the Holy Eldant Empire, Petrarca-sama.
“To think that the troubadour would stand up to the Danger Designated Species, the Crimson Dragon. He cannot win with merely song and bow, what is he going to do......Shinichi, hurry up and read the next page!”
The one who’s gazing at the manga in high spirits is Petrarca.
Ever since the first visit on that day, she’s been coming to my mansion everyday around the same time and ordering me to read manga to her. The lively voice with which she gives me this order conveys to me her honest enjoyment of manga.
......More like, is it fine for the head of a country to slip out of the palace so frequently to come play?
So far as it goes, a few escort knights and Prime Minister Zahal are currently outside the room, but that still seems too glib, in my opinion. But well, most likely the people who actually carry out the governmental affairs are Prime Minister Zahal and the knight from that time, Galius.
However......although from an outsider’s perspective this situation might seem like an extremely enviable one to the degree of asking “what are you being rewarded for?”, hugging a cute girl who’s sitting on my knees for a long time is surprisingly tiring.
Of course, if I get any funny ideas, a very troubling place will quickly wake up. As Petrarca is sitting on my knees, it’d be detected immediately. If that actually happened, I’d definitely get beheaded for lèse majesté.
Even though I would probably be forgiven if I apologized earnestly, this task is quite tough in and of itself. Petrarca is light indeed, but my legs would still become numb after she sits on my knees for longer than an hour. Furthermore, reading the lines and onomotopeia aloud nonstop causes my throat to get parched and my voice to go hoarse.
I think I’ll call it quits today soon.
Right when I’m starting to think about taking a break like I usually do——
“Your Majesty. Danna-sama.”
Accompanying the knock on the door is Miusel’s bell-like voice.
“Please excuse me.”
With that simple phrase, Miusel opens the door and pushes the service cart into the office.
A faint, sweet smell wafts into the air and reaches my nose. Some sort of Western confectionery that looks like choux creme is being served on the silver platter. Not sure what’s going on, my eyes are round with surprise. Miusel gives us a slightly bashful smile.
“I have prepared tea and some creme lunt to go along with it.”
I involuntarily throw several glances at her.
“I didn’t ask for this though......”
“Indeed. However, I had thought that it was about time for you to grow tired......”
So said Miusel.
As expected of a maid-san——she’s such a considerate person. She even brought something sweet for my mental fatigue.
“It’s a great help. Well then, how about let’s stop here and take a break?”
“What are you saying!”
The expression on Petrarca’s face is one of outrage.
“Right now, we’re at such a good part of the story!”
“My throat is so parched that it’s getting hard to read. Let’s have tea, okay?”
With a gentle smile, I spoke in a tone like that of someone trying to admonish a child.
However, this turns out to have triggered the opposite effect.
This is something that I only learned later, but——Petrarca is indeed quite sensitive about her child-like physique, so she hates being treated like a child. Although I know that she’s 16 years old, aside from her appearance, her almost unreasonable willfulness and half-baked sophism also contributed to my impression of her as someone childish......and thus the attitude that I involuntarily took with her is like one that I would a child.
And boy did that make her displeased......
“............”
In complete silence, the loli Empress finally lowers herself from my knees.
My relief lasted only a brief moment. Abruptly changing the direction that her body is facing, she turns to glare at Miusel.
“What is up with you! Every time, every time......how dare a mere maidservant get in my way!”
In a very annoying and provocative way, Petrarca begins to rail at Miusel.
Perhaps she’s been bearing with things in her own way. As if trying to release all of her pent-up resentment, she continues shouting in a berating tone.
“This time, too, you were timing it on purpose to force your way in just when it was getting good!”
“I was......I was just......”
Being suddenly yelled at, the blood quickly drains from Miusel’s face.
I mean, of course it would. Despite her loli appearance or whatever, the other party is still the Imperial Empress.
“It’s just......I thought Danna-sama would be getting tired......”
Miusel’s words made logical sense. They did, but......
Against a person holding absolute power, the effect was like pouring oil onto a fire.
“You dare talk back to me?!”
Looking like she had been insulted, Petrarca is now red to her ears and her voice is trembling.
“You——you mere mutt!!”
“I, I’m terribly sorry......!”
So said Miusel while throwing herself prostrate on the floor.
From Petrarca’s manner of speaking, it is almost as if Miusel’s sin is being a half-elf. Unable to give a proper rebuttal, all she can do is to beg for forgiveness.
As for me, having this composition of discrimination thrust before my eyes all of a sudden, I am dumbfounded with blank amazement.
I have to stop this. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but I have to stop this.
Despite such thoughts, I know that against the conflagration of Petrarca’s rage, anything I say would only fan the flames......I am merely flapping my mouth open and closed without actually doing anything.
In the middle of this scene of carnage——
“What is this uproar?”
From the direction of the door that is still open, an astonished voice carries our way.
“Ah——”
I unconsciously stiffen my body.
The person who showed up was a silver-haired handsome man——the knight called Galius.
Previously, due to our first meeting at the royal castle when I couldn’t hold myself back from raising an objection to his words, and also due to Minori-san’s speculation as a fujoshi, I know that I’m bad at handling this person. I’ll also say this, but he seems pretty inflexible and has an overly serious vibe, and he gives off the impression of being one of those “accomplished guys” who’s good in both the literary and the military arts——to be even more blunt, he seems like a complete riajuu.
(T/N: 'Riajuu' refers to those who are living fulfilled lives, have lots of friends, are outgoing and popular, and are interested in 'real life things.' The term is often used by otaku to refer to 'everyone who is not an otaku.')
“Having heard that her Majesty had come here, I came to see the state of things, but......”
Drawing his eyebrows together into a frown, the knight Galius looks around the office.
If it’s the Galius who’s always giving off this “conventional knight in shining armor” vibe, then perhaps he would remonstrate Petrarca for unreasonably rebuking Miusel. After all, when one thinks of knights, the image is, of course, that of someone who protects the weak and brings down the strong.
“Petrarca......Her Majesty, she's......”
“Fumu?”
After a single glance at Petrarca, who is still raving against Miusel——he sighs heavily. Then he begins walking towards Petrarca............
“Wait a......Galius......-san?”
Of all things, he continues walking and passes by Petrarca, heading towards me composedly, before finally sitting down on one of the sofas facing the table. It is as if he has no intention whatsoever of stopping Petrarca——more like, his attitude is as if he can’t even see the shouting Petrarca and the Miusel prostrate on the ground.
“You’re not going to stop her?”
“Every time her Majesty loses her temper, it takes a while for her to calm down. Don’t worry, we simply have to bear with it until she tires herself out.”
The knight Galius nonchalantly gave me such an explanation.
He’s completely giving off this feeling of “an elder brother who’s used to his little sister’s temper.” Aah. If I remember right, this handsome guy is Her Imperial Majesty’s blood relative, isn’t he.
“No, no, no, no, let’s stop her right now!”
“Stop her? Why?”
Looking completely mystified, so asked the knight Galius.
Is this guy for real.
“If you find it too noisy, then you can just plug up your ears.”
“That’s not the point. I mean, Miusel is——”
“Fumu?”
As if he has just noticed the presence of Miusel, the knight Galius blinks a few times before turning to look over at Petrarca’s position.
“By ‘Miusel,’ are you referring to that half-elf servant? What about her?”
“Even though she didn’t really do anything wrong, she’s being berated so severely.”
“The servant got on her Majesty’s nerves, so it can’t be helped, right?”
His tone of voice seemed to imply “what is this guy talking about?”
“It’s not like she’s killing her. Something like a mere beating is compensated for within her wages. In the first place, she’s a half-elf, so her social status is not that of someone who’s normally allowed to be the servant of a noble. Therefore, this is to be even more expected as part of her job. She herself has the resolve to bear this——if she does not, then it only means she’s not worthy of being a maid.”
“Wait a......?!”
Struck completely dumbfounded, I am in a daze.
Even up to this very moment, over something that she has no responsibility for——being showered with ridicule simply because of her birth, unable to raise any sort of rebuttal, only allowed to curl up in terror.
『If you wish to hit me, then please use this.』
I recall Blük saying that while handing me a stick, and Miusel worrying about my fist before the Blük who hadn’t done anything wrong.
All this is to be expected. After all, this country called Eldant Empire is——
“Ku............”
Uncharacteristically of me, rage is bubbling up from the bottom of my stomach and filling me.
“......What happened to your knight’s code?”
“Knight’s code?”
The knight Galius raises one eyebrow in surprise.
He is a picture-perfect knight-sama who emanates dignity and refinement without even having to do anything. Despite that, the words that come out from his mouth are literally dripping with discrimination and prejudice. I simply cannot stand it any longer.
“In what way is the knight’s code related to this situation?”
Does he really not understand? This bastard.
“The nobles who claim to be part of our Eldant Empire’s honorable knights are those who join the army and thoroughly study etiquette and the duties that they must perform. That is our knight’s code.”
The matter of crushing the strong to protect the weak is not within the knight’s code that he described.
Speaking of which, the bushido that has been often equated to the knight’s code is something established during the Edo period. There are scholars who hold the view that such idealism had not existed during the Sengoku period. They argue that the idea of ‘bushido’ is merely something thought up by martial artists who could no longer gain fame on the battlefield nor acquire actual results at a time when the very concept of ‘martial arts’ was becoming obsolete.
(T/N: The Japanese word for the ‘knight’s code’ mentioned here is ‘kishido,’ which literally translates as “the path of a knight.” Similarly, ‘bushido’ literally translates as ‘the path of a bushi.’ The similarity in the naming also contributes to the two concepts being equated. ‘Knight’s code’ sounds cooler and is more well-known than ‘path of a knight’ so that’s what I’m sticking to.)
Following such logic, because the Eldant Empire is still in conflict with neighboring countries over national borders, the prevalent ideology is utilitarianism, which basically means survival of the fittest——something like “saving the weak” would be nothing more than an empty slogan.
“It seems that you have some misunderstanding in regards to what it means to be a knight. No matter, I’ll tell you. A ‘knight’ is an existence whose duty is to protect the country that is ‘the Eldant Empire,’ and is someone who embodies this country’s laws and general principles. If there is an element that acts contrary to these truths, then we must volunteer our lives to fight that element. However, we do not have the authority to intervene in affairs that are properly following those principles.”
“By ‘following those principles,’ you mean——”
“That thing over there is not even an elf——she is a half-elf with impure blood, while Petrarca is this Eldant Empire’s Empress. The Empress holds the authority to decide her life and death.”
“............”
I am——extremely pissed.
People in the surroundings completely accepting certain values with “it’s always been that way” as the only reason, not sparing even a single thought for those hurt by such principles.
Aah, that’s right——I am struck by a light dizziness as I come to a sudden realization and remember something.
The label that people had stuck onto me of their own accord.
『This is how these things are.』
『This is how this guy is.』
Seeing something, or someone, from only one perspective and making up assumptions based on that narrow view.
Because he’s an otaku.
Because they’re people from a parallel world.
Because she’s a child of mixed blood.
I hate people who would sum up an entire person with a single easy-to-understand word, then act like they’ve understood everything about that person. Even in the case of otakus, there are many different kinds. There are good people, and there are bad people. Even in the case of lolicons, who are often spoken of with almost the same words used for criminals, the single word is not capable of fully representing every single person that it is applicable on. Of course, there are those idiots who would abduct little children to sexually abuse them, but on the other hand, there are respectable ones who wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice themselves to protect little children when something happens.
Despite this......again and again, people tie everyone else up with simplified common prejudices and abandon all efforts towards any deeper understanding.
Because that guy’s an otaku, it’s fine to ridicule him.
Because that girl’s of mixed blood, it’s fine to discriminate against her.
Because that person’s——
“In the first place, how can I even drink the tea poured by a half-elf!”
Petrarca’s harsh words are continuing even now.
“I’ve heard that bastards like you aren’t welcome in elf settlements, and that you had to live crawling through the mud in the swamplands! What are you going to do about it if the smell of mud rubs off on me!”
The barrage of verbal abuse that can only be thought of as false accusations.
Due to an overload of terror and despair, Miusel’s mind has apparently shut down, and I can see from the side that her face has gone completely blank even while her body is maintaining the prostrate posture.
That——is me.
The me who confessed to my childhood friend but was rejected with “because you’re an otaku” as the reason. She based her evaluation criteria solely on public opinion, and thus refused to look my way.
Even I’m not exempt from this, by trying to sum up my childhood friend with random nonsense like “girls of this generation are cold and indifferent.” Trying to get by with that prejudiced paradigm alone.
Unable to raise a single word in protest against an insult built upon logic without a basis, I simply gave up while telling myself “this is how the world sees things.” In the end, all I can do is revisit that scene again and again in my dreams to shout out the words that I couldn’t give voice to at the time. What a miserable thing to repeat.
I really wanted to become one of those awesome and cool protagonists from manga or anime or games or light novels.
You may even call it chuunibyou, but what I wanted is a power that gives me the strength to blow away all irrationality——I wished to become an amazing person who is capable of boldly giving word to what I believe in, even if I had to turn everyone around me into an enemy.
My textbooks. What manga and anime and games and light novels have taught me.
That is——
“Petrarca!”
Before I knew it, I’d come up from behind and grabbed her wrist.
It was a capricious act. Therefore, even the knight Galius has only half risen from the sofa in shock.
The entire place has frozen up, like as if the air has turned into ice.
I had intended on shouting at Petrarca. I had intended on letting her experience what it feels like to be insulted with discriminatory words like what she’s doing to Miusel. After all, she’s probably never been shouted at before in her entire life. What do I care that it’s an immature thing to do!
That’s what I had intended............................................................but.
“......Shinichi......?”
In the hand that I’d grabbed, she is still holding aloft a choux creme——I meant, creme lunt——that she was about to throw. However, when she turned around, what I see in her face isn’t anger, but rather a dazed look that gave off a silly impression.
She’s surprised. Furthermore, she even looks a little scared.
“............”
When I see her face, which is looking like that of a child being scolded——I feel all my anger dissipating, just like a balloon with a hole poked into it. From the hand of the girl whose eyes have turned round and whose body has stiffened up, I take away the confectionery that was about to be wasted, and for starters, threw a wry smile.
“Ummm......well......how do I put this......”
This is no good. I can’t come up with a cool line on the spot.
In these kinds of situations, what do protagonists say? I rapidly browse through the library inside my head, but I can’t seem to find the appropriate words.
As I continued to hem and haw, Petrarca’s face turns into a scowl and she glares at me.
“Shinichi, what is your intention in covering up for such a vulgar thing?!”
“My ‘intention’? ...... I simply couldn’t bear the sight any longer.”
I decide to try putting my thoughts into words.
“I, too, have been arbitrarily condemned and persecuted against.”
“‘Condemned and persecuted’? What are you talking abo——”
“You see, Petrarca.”
I speak quietly.
Not in a way like I’m admonishing her, but in a way like I’m appealing to her.
“In our culture, there’s no such thing as a difference in social status.”
“Muu?”
The girl Empress tilts her head, indicating that she doesn’t fully understand.
To be honest, my back is now extremely itchy from the embarrassment, but......I tell myself to endure it, and I continue speaking.
“Ideas like liberty and equality and fraternity......those are the foundations of the culture where I’m from.”
(T/N: Fraternity means ‘brotherhood,’ or ‘love for fellow humanity.’ I’m keeping fraternity here, even though it’s not an oft used word, because the original French motto is “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité.” Look up the French Revolution if you want to know more.)
Speaking of which, I’d heard that France is comparatively receptive to Japan’s otaku culture. Perhaps it’s because it is a country that touts such principles as national policies. Well, such a thought has suddenly flit through my mind, but that’s completely unrelated to what’s going on here, so let’s put that aside.
“In order to properly enjoy the culture that I’m bringing in, Petrarca, you don’t have to actually adopt such values, but you must at least understand them.”
“............”
Petrarca’s eyes are round with surprise, like she’s hearing a new language for the first time. Suddenly deciding to gauge the reactions of the other people in the room, I notice Galius——and of all things, even Miusel herself——looking dazed.
I can’t tell if this silence that’s filled up the office is heavy or light.
And then——
“......Shinichi.”
The one who spoke up first is Petrarca.
“What is this ‘ee-kwa-lee-tee’ that you speak of? Is it the name of some philosopher or something?”
“............”
Oh right, sometimes, when conversing through this magical ring, meaningless words get mixed in. Apparently, in the cases when both sides do not both understand the concept being spoken of, the interpreting function cannot handle it and lets the word through as is.
In other words, Petrarca, you don’t even know the concept of equality?!
Perhaps because she’s been raised as an Empress, no one’s ever taught her about it?
Her words made me shudder with foreboding......and the knight Galius fulfills my foreboding by raising a question in a puzzled tone.
“‘Liberty’ means “not bound by anything” and “refusing all restrictions,” right? In other words, Kanou Shinichi, you are speaking of conduct that deviates from the law?”
Omg wait a freaking second. How the hell did he come to that interpretation?!
Furthermore——
“Umm......”
With a timid and trembling voice, even Miusel raises a question.
“By ‘fraternity,’ are you perhaps speaking of romantic emotions......?”
“......I have to start from all the way there?!”
I unconsciously shouted out in a voice that bordered on a shriek.
Unlike my usual self, I had become indignant at witnessing a graphical composition of discrimination.
This is——not even on the level of it being anyone’s fault.
For Miusel it’s only natural, but even those on the ruling side, namely, Petrarca and Galius, are imprisoned by prejudices and have made no effort towards trying to reach the view from outside. The way of ruling that relies on social castes is very deeply ingrained in them......more like, their entire worldview has been built upon such a system, so they haven’t even considered questioning those views. Just like the frog stuck inside the well, or someone who’s never seen an ocean being unable to imagine one.
“Oh man......”
I hold my forehead and let out a soft groan.
For things like electricity and literacy rate, I had the resolution that I would need to set up a certain amount of infrastructure before I can bring in otaku works, but——does this mean that I will have to start from abstract concepts?!
As otaku works are made in modern-day Japan, they are mostly based on individualism and equality, and concepts such as totalitarianism and discrimination are being presented as enemies within many of them. Therefore, without understanding individualism and equality, the reader will not be able to empathize with the main characters.
I’m moaning while at a complete loss, but then——
“......Interesting.”
The knight Galius suddenly said something like that.
Eh, wait, “interesting”? Did he just say “interesting”? This person?
“Here I was, thinking that you’d let your anger take its course and reproach Her Majesty, but......is this the spirit of the “liberty, equality, and fraternity” that you speak of? At any rate, the fact that you were able to curb her Majesty’s anger with words alone is of great interest indeed.”
“......Ah......yes......”
This reaction from the knight Galius is completely beyond my expectations.
“To be frank, the culture of our Eldant Empire has been stagnating for the past half century, and has been said to be declining on a road with no return. As a result of prolonged war, there has been no room for new culture to arise, nor any space for new culture to be imported.”
“............”
I feel like I can somehow understand.
Culture——especially a culture with diversity, is a product that matures as a result of surplus and bountifulness. Of course, culture still happens during wartime, and it still matures, but somehow it is always much more limited than it is during peacetime. More like, it is only allowed to exist as in limited amounts. Japan during WWII and China’s Cultural Revolution are both very vivid examples of this.
“There are learned men who, even from a while back, have raised the view that this is due to the citizens’ dynamism being worn down. However, this is not something that can be directly seen with the naked eye, so countermeasures somehow keep being forestalled.”
“......Well, I can imagine.”
As I had thought, this knight is actually really sharp.
Though still rough around the edges, he is capable of thinking in a way very similar to sociology. It must be because of the special perspective of his position as someone overlooking society as a whole. Of course, this way of thinking might just be something that he’s parroting from someone else, but the fact that his upbringing has enabled him to think in such a way in this medieval-like world is already a praiseworthy thing.
“That is why Prime Minister Zahal and others are so actively advocating commerce with your side. I held doubts towards such thinking, but I shall now alter my attitude a little.”
The handsome knight stands up and is now walking towards me.
His face, which is so beautiful that I would have fallen for him already if I was a girl, draws so close that our noses almost touch.
Too close, too close, WAYYY too close! What the heck is with this distance?!
Furthermore, he takes my hand with a smile on his face. And he’s doing it like a knight taking the hand of a lady——GYAAAAAA?!
“I had thought you a delicate and undependable youngster, but......braving the danger of being charged with lèse majesté, all to save a mere maidservant, you——I mean, your culture, is very much tickling my fancy.”
Wait a freaking second omg did you just almost say “you are very much tickling my fancy”?!
“I shall lend you my aid. I believe that you might be the one who will smash open the prison that we have been locked into.”
Speaking in an almost-whisper makes his words somehow sound obscene.
I am feeling chills which are making every hair on my body stand on end, but——
“Galius!”
Petrarca’s voice thankfully scatters the scent of roses that was quickly increasing in density.
(T/N: Again, roses represent the yaoi genre. Too bad Minori-san is not in this scene.)
“Do not act beyond the boundaries of your authority!”
“——Ha.”
With a “ha,” the knight Galius lets go of my hand and makes a bow.
(T/N: “Ha” here is like a more refined form of “oops,” or whatever you say when you suddenly come back to your senses.)
“I have behaved discourteously, your Majesty.”
“That kind of decision cannot be made by you alone. It must be properly passed through me.”
Petrarca raises her voice as if in indignation.
Then, she turns around to face me.
“Shinichi. Today, as Galius has said, in light of your mettle that enabled you to remonstrate myself even at the risk of lèse majesté, I shall excuse both you and the maidservant over there.”
“I......see. Thank you.”
“However, I shall order you once again.”
With a great, big smile, Petrarca continues speaking.
“Teach us also that Japanese of yours. I cannot stand the fact that there is something that even the likes of a maidservant knows that the Empress that I am do not. I shall be the first to master the Japanese language, so that I can personally make sure of whether this otaku culture that you wish to bring in will truly bring relief to my country’s cultural stagnation or not!”
......You are saying such grand and exaggerated things, but you just want to be able to read manga by yourself as soon as possible, right?
But well, I’m of course not stupid enough to actually say such suicidal words. All I can do is nod.
“Galius. We are returning to the castle immediately. Also, call Zahal. From this day on, we will be coming to this mansion as a part of official business, so, you explain to him the purport of these visits!”
......Which means, just as I had thought, you’ve been sneaking out of the castle to come here this entire time, haven’t you.
“Make space in your schedule starting from tomorrow, Shinichi!”
“Umm......around the same starting time and duration as today?”
What ‘starting from tomorrow’......these past few days, you’ve already been coming daily.
“That is fine!”
Nodding in satisfaction, Petrarca then turns to throw a glance at Miusel and fixes her in her gaze.
Towards the girl who has unconsciously ducked her head——the girl Empress haughtily makes a declaration.
“Furthermore, you. Your name is Miusel, right? I shall not forgive you if you steal a march on me.”
“Eh? Ye-Yes.”
Without having been given any time to consider Petrarca’s words, Miusel nods reflexively.
“Don’t go sneaking private lessons with Shinichi on the side.”
“Ye-Yes.”
Miusel nods again earnestly.
It seems like I’ve somehow stopped Petrarca from demeaning Miusel any further, but......in exchange, a strange sense of rivalry seems to have sprouted. I feel a rare sense of foreboding, but if I try to confirm it here, then it would only unnecessarily cause the conversation to roll downhill in a heedless direction, so it is fear that is holding me back.
“Well then——see you all tomorrow. We’re leaving, Galius!”
“Yes. I shall accompany you, your Majesty.”
With that——the Empress who is like a typhoon and her knight withdrew from the room together.
And after that.
“......Ummm.”
A queer silence has been left behind in the office.
When Miusel and my eyes meet......I speak first while scratching my cheek.
(T/N: Anime characters scratch their cheek or the back of their head when they’re confused, not because those places are itchy.)
“Miusel. I’m sorry, but can you brew a new pot of tea for me? I think the previous one has probably cooled down by now. After you went to the trouble of making these pastries, I want to properly enjoy them together with some hot tea.”
“Ah. Yes.”
Getting up, Miusel smiles at me in happiness.
“I shall bring it at once, Danna-sama.”
After seeing her out as she pushes the service cart——I sigh with relief.
But at this time......I was not yet completely aware of the exact effects on the entire country of this Eldant Empire that will take place because of what I am trying to do.
