Chapter 284
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He merely sat there, leaning on the bed, wearing a set of clean clothes. Seeing her, he began smiling as usual as he stretched out his hand and pointed toward a chair by the side and signaled, "Sit."
She sat down, still in a daze, as she looked at him with tears rolling in her eyes, yet she dared not to cry. Biting her lips, she tried her best not to cry out loud.
"Yushu, from now on, it will be tough on you," he calmly said this as he looked at her. He said it ever so slowly, yet his words were clear. On the small desk, there were two old pieces of ginseng that had already been mostly consumed. He lightly sighed, and glanced at Yong'er and said, "I am not a responsible father."
Yushu was really afraid. All her life, she had never felt so scared before. She suddenly gathered her courage and grabbed hold of her husband's arm and said, "Master, please, no. You can't do this."
Xuan Mo smiled. His complexion turned even more pale, his eyes sunken in. He no longer looked the same as he once was.
"Master, you can't do this." This naive woman knew not what else she could say, and merely kept shaking her head as she grasped her husband's arm, repeating the same line over and over again.
The nightly breeze slowly pushed open the windows. The lone candle was almost extinguished several times. The air from outside was cold, bringing with it the sweet scent of chrysanthemum from the north.
She could still vaguely remember the conversation she had with her sisters. They were together, trying to imagine their future husbands. Some wanted to marry an intelligent scholar, some wanted to marry a powerful general, some wanted to marry the prince of a noble family. Only she could not make up her mind, and after being forced by her sisters did she finally say, "As long as he treats me well, it will be alright."
As long as he treats me well, it will be alright.
She had always been such a person, even her sisters had felt that she had little ambition. But so what? At the very least, she would not feel upset due to greed, she would not feel lonely by being alone, she would not blame everything around her. Her wishes were simple but easily satisfied. Her life was simple, but it was peaceful and joyous. Yet, she gave up on hoping for even that small wish of hers at this very moment.
She held onto Xuan Mo's hand, and while trembling, she said, "Master, the old Master has already passed on. Just divorce me. I know, Master, you did not like me and have someone else in your heart. But now I do not want anything. As long as Master is still alive, even if you divorce me, it will be alright."
At that moment, all wind and rain seemed to stop. This general who had seen so much in life was suddenly taken aback by this woman's stubbornness. A pain suddenly started nibbling at his heart, as his years of stubbornness and determination disintegrated as the river of time suddenly engulfed his thoughts, forming into a sea of regret. At this final moment of his life, it transformed into a sigh.
After being married for so many years, this was the first time that he stretched out his hand and embraced his wife properly, as he apologized, "Yushu, I have disappointed you."
Yushu was completely taken aback, as she was caught in this unfamiliar embrace. All these years of endurance, all these years of self-control, all these years of self-comfort, and all these years of lying to herself, she had always felt that she was a good wife, and thought that she was not hurt, not sad. Yet, everything crumbled in that simple sentence, in that simple embrace. It seemed like she had not been free from sadness, free from disappointment, free from dreams and hopes. Only that she had always suppressed everything.
She suddenly let loose her voice, crying her lungs out, unable to form coherent sentences. This was the first time in her life, also the last, that Yushu cried out loud in the arms of her husband.
After saying that sentence, Xuan Mo passed on. He was so peaceful as he left this world, his expression made him see like he was merely a painting.
On the second day, hearing of King Xuan's passing, the Emperor of Yan, who was initially planning to leave the city suddenly changed his path, coming straight to King Xuan's residence. This ruthless and cold Emperor was dressed in his usual black clothing, and stood before Xuan Mo's grave for a long time. All those who came for the funeral were beyond astonished as they cowered in silence. Yet, he was like a stone statue.
After that, there was a string of posthumously awarded titles and rewards, but all that ultimately had nothing to do with her. Her heart had died, and all the superficial glory in the world meant nothing to her.
The carriage inched forward slowly on the main path, passing through the prosperous city, passing through the bustling crowds as it exited the city heading to the southwest. The cacophony of the crowd gradually distanced. The scenery was replaced by that of mountains and snow plains. The sky was grey and gloomy, with an occasional lone bird flying past, clearly separated from the flock as it let out calls of sadness.
Yong'er leaned in the embrace of Yushu, almost falling asleep from the warmth and comfort of the inside of the carriage. The blankets were extremely thick, blocking the external coldness. Yushu held the child as she patted his back rhythmically while humming some tune she had heard long ago. Time seemed to be passing ever so slowly, and the journey seemed ever so long.
"My lady, there is a tea shop up ahead, shall we take a break?" Jiang Wu, who was leading the escort team, closed in and asked.
The veils lightly opened, with the cold wind gushing into the carriage. Yushu frowned, and looking up at the sky, she replied, "Let us hurry. I think the weather is about to turn bad. Let's not be blocked on the way by snow."
"Understood." Jiang Wu continued, "Hongchuan is really cold. If this was still in the Song territory, at this time of the year, the lotus would still be blossoming."
"Mother?" Yong'er rubbed his eyes, his face was flushed red. After being exposed to the cold wind, he seemed more energetic. Frowning, he asked, "Are we there yet?"
Yushu looked at the surroundings and replied while nodding, "Soon."
Yushu had not been to many places in her life. The first time she left the family was when she migrated from the Song Empire to the Zhen Huang City. Traveling thousands of miles, she came along with tens of thousands of Song nobles, arriving at this cold and unfamiliar land.
At that moment, the nicer way of putting it was that the Song Empire had followed the will of heaven, and was peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire. Yet everyone knew that in the Nalan Family, apart from Princess Nalan Hongye, there was only a few daughters and a dying son. It was impossible to continue the bloodline. Even though they were still autonomous, it would be certain that eventually, they would become a main part of the Yan Empire.
Yet, having such an outcome was perhaps for the best. In those years, Song empire had the smallest territory of the three and was not even a tenth of the Xia Empire. Even though they were by the sea and their commerce was prosperous, they were ultimately hindered by the lack of iron, war horses, and other critical military resources. The military might of the Song Empire had always been the bottom of the hierarchy, and the only reason why they had not been conquered was due to the checks and balances system made by the Xia and Tang Empire. Should either the Xia or Tang Empire crumble, the victor would certainly invade the Song Empire first.
In those warring years, the internal situation of the Song Empire was unstable, the Tang Empire had been split into two as the empire fell into disarray. The Xia Empire had been fragmented by an intense civil war. In such a case, firstly, it was impossible for the Song Empire to continue relying on the precarious tension to keep herself safe from conflict. Secondly, the Song Empire did not have the military might to take this opportunity to invade the other lands. Thirdly, the Song Empire was itself at risk of crumbling. In such a situation, apart from being peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire, there was little choice. The truth had proven that the Princess' decision had been right. Even though the Song Empire became annexed, the civilians had been virtually untouched by the flames of war, and the royalty and nobility of the Song Empire had lost nothing. The Song officials gained important posts in the new Court, and were completely different from the Xia people who were viewed as second-class citizens.
The civilians did not care who was the emperor. As long as they did not go hungry and did not lose their land, no one would care if their ruler was from Nalan. Yet, there were some who could not seem to accept that. Yushu still remember how on the day that she left the Song Empire, there were many who tried to block the royalty from leaving, and after being scolded by the soldiers, some even poured oil on themselves then set themselves on fire.
Until today, Yushu still remembered that scene. As the inferno blazed, that man shouted King Xuan's name while still burning, and others followed while prostrating on the ground, saying that should King Xuan still be around, he would certainly not allow the territory to be freely given up to the enemies.
In the blink of an eye, so many years had passed. Under the leadership of the Great Yan Empire, such voices of dissent had gradually faded, and that man who was viewed as the savior of the Song Empire had too faded out from people's memories. Now, on the anniversary of his death, perhaps only she and their son would head out of the city to pray for him.
After half a day of travel, they had finally reached the Yanxi Mountain. This place had a difficult terrain, and the carriage could no longer head up. Wearing a plain white cape, she got out of the carriage with Yong'er. The servants carried the carriage, allowing her to sit before beginning the ascent.
Due to the thickness of the snow, the servants walked really slowly. At this moment, Yong'er suddenly became energetic. He lifted the carriage veils and looked out of the window excitedly. There was a temple at the midpoint of the mountain, looking extremely run down. Yushu had once rested here. In this temple there were only about a dozen monks, most of them old. Due to the fact that this place was extremely deserted, there were little visitors, so it was in a permanent state of disrepair.
She looked out from the window, only to see that despite the white world around, there were still pine trees that were healthily green, yet she felt desolated.
Another year passed.
"Lady, we have arrived. The road ahead is narrow, and the carriage can no longer travel like so."
Yushu nodded and brought Yong'er out the carriage. Informing the other guards to stay, she went up with only Jiang Wu and incense.
As they headed up, the wind got heavier. She protected Yong'er behind her, walking up. Suddenly, a shadow appeared from the bushes at the side. Jiang Qu reacted immediately, protecting Yushu. Yet before he could draw his blade, two blades had already been placed on his neck.
"Who are you?" the intruder bellowed.
Yushu was pale with fear and quickly covered Yong'er eyes. Yet she had not expected that Yong'er would bed so courageous. He pulled off her hand and called out, "I am the child of King Xuan, and this is my mother. We are here to pray for my father. What people are you? Bandits? Are you not afraid of being hunted down?" The child's voice was crystal clear, echoing with the howling winds. Yushu immediately pulled Yong'er back and held him tightly in her embrace.
Those 'bandits' looked at each other and immediately withdrew their weapons. The leader walked up and with utmost respect greeted, "Good day, Lady Xuan and Young Master. That was rude of us. Please wait here for short while." After that, he swiftly dashed off. Before long, he returned and extended an invitation, "Lady, please."
Yushu looked at them with suspicion, and it was Jiang Wu who seemed to have understood the situation. He dared not to speak too much, and merely nodded to Yushu, indicating to her that there was no need to fear.
The jade tiles were extremely neat and well polished. Looking from afar, it seemed like a huge mirror. The sky seemed so near, as though she could touch the clouds by reaching out her hands. Wind blew from all around her, sending her clothes fluttering in the snow around. In the all-surrounding whiteness, it was as though she was surrounded by a fog of milk.
Yushu squinted, only to see a figure in the snowstorm ahead. Wearing a black cape, the cape covered even his face. As the wind howled, it seemed as though the snow was trying to isolate him from the world itself. This lonely figure was like the Yggdrasil of the myths; firm and strong, supporting the heavens by himself.
Even though she could not see his features, Yushu immediately knelt down, and pulled Yong'er along. With her quiet voice, she said, "Good day, Your Majesty."
Yan Xun turned around. His frigid gaze seemed to warm up after seeing her. He lightly smiled, although his smile was stiff. It was unclear if the stiffness originated from the frigid weather or the fact that he had already forgotten how to smile. He quietly nodded, "You have come."
Yan Xun did not tell her to rise, so Yushu dared not to move, as her heart thumped rapidly, as she nervously replied, "Yes, Your Majesty."
"Please rise. I do not wish to be seen by him as bullying his wife." His words were rather casual, yet Yushu's leg seemed to be weak from fear. She stiffly stood up, and walked up with Yong'er. Standing about ten steps behind Yan Xun, she could see that the incense before Xuan Mo's grave was already lit, with the blackened hell money fluttering in the wind like a swarm of butterflies.
Yan Xun spoke no more. He casually moved aside, vacating the space before the grave. Yushu walked up with the kid and begun their own round of offerings. They lit the incense and started burning the hell money. The white paper was quickly engulfed by the flames, turning into jet black ashes. Her pale face seemed to be stained with blood under the glow of the flames, as her frozen fingers bathed in the warmth of the flames. Yet, her fingers were still as stiff as ever as she slowly enriched the flames with more hell money.
"Father, Yong'er is here to visit you." Yong'er obediently knelt on the ground and knocked his head on the ground thrice before speaking seriously, "This year I did really well for my school work, and Mister Lu had praised me three times. I learned a lot of words, and learned how to ride horses. Uncle Jiang gave me a small horse. Black in color, it has a tuft of white on its nose. It looks really handsome." The child talked quite a bit, and even though childishness exuded from his words, his words were filled with a sense of mature seriousness. Furrowing his eyebrows, he seemed really adorable as he continued, "Father, the weather is cold. You should remember to wear more. Mother and I will burn some winter clothes for you. Being here alone, you need to take better care of yourself, and do not fall sick. I will take care of Mother for you, so you need not worry."
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He merely sat there, leaning on the bed, wearing a set of clean clothes. Seeing her, he began smiling as usual as he stretched out his hand and pointed toward a chair by the side and signaled, "Sit."
She sat down, still in a daze, as she looked at him with tears rolling in her eyes, yet she dared not to cry. Biting her lips, she tried her best not to cry out loud.
"Yushu, from now on, it will be tough on you," he calmly said this as he looked at her. He said it ever so slowly, yet his words were clear. On the small desk, there were two old pieces of ginseng that had already been mostly consumed. He lightly sighed, and glanced at Yong'er and said, "I am not a responsible father."
Yushu was really afraid. All her life, she had never felt so scared before. She suddenly gathered her courage and grabbed hold of her husband's arm and said, "Master, please, no. You can't do this."
Xuan Mo smiled. His complexion turned even more pale, his eyes sunken in. He no longer looked the same as he once was.
"Master, you can't do this." This naive woman knew not what else she could say, and merely kept shaking her head as she grasped her husband's arm, repeating the same line over and over again.
The nightly breeze slowly pushed open the windows. The lone candle was almost extinguished several times. The air from outside was cold, bringing with it the sweet scent of chrysanthemum from the north.
She could still vaguely remember the conversation she had with her sisters. They were together, trying to imagine their future husbands. Some wanted to marry an intelligent scholar, some wanted to marry a powerful general, some wanted to marry the prince of a noble family. Only she could not make up her mind, and after being forced by her sisters did she finally say, "As long as he treats me well, it will be alright."
As long as he treats me well, it will be alright.
She had always been such a person, even her sisters had felt that she had little ambition. But so what? At the very least, she would not feel upset due to greed, she would not feel lonely by being alone, she would not blame everything around her. Her wishes were simple but easily satisfied. Her life was simple, but it was peaceful and joyous. Yet, she gave up on hoping for even that small wish of hers at this very moment.
She held onto Xuan Mo's hand, and while trembling, she said, "Master, the old Master has already passed on. Just divorce me. I know, Master, you did not like me and have someone else in your heart. But now I do not want anything. As long as Master is still alive, even if you divorce me, it will be alright."
At that moment, all wind and rain seemed to stop. This general who had seen so much in life was suddenly taken aback by this woman's stubbornness. A pain suddenly started nibbling at his heart, as his years of stubbornness and determination disintegrated as the river of time suddenly engulfed his thoughts, forming into a sea of regret. At this final moment of his life, it transformed into a sigh.
After being married for so many years, this was the first time that he stretched out his hand and embraced his wife properly, as he apologized, "Yushu, I have disappointed you."
Yushu was completely taken aback, as she was caught in this unfamiliar embrace. All these years of endurance, all these years of self-control, all these years of self-comfort, and all these years of lying to herself, she had always felt that she was a good wife, and thought that she was not hurt, not sad. Yet, everything crumbled in that simple sentence, in that simple embrace. It seemed like she had not been free from sadness, free from disappointment, free from dreams and hopes. Only that she had always suppressed everything.
She suddenly let loose her voice, crying her lungs out, unable to form coherent sentences. This was the first time in her life, also the last, that Yushu cried out loud in the arms of her husband.
After saying that sentence, Xuan Mo passed on. He was so peaceful as he left this world, his expression made him see like he was merely a painting.
On the second day, hearing of King Xuan's passing, the Emperor of Yan, who was initially planning to leave the city suddenly changed his path, coming straight to King Xuan's residence. This ruthless and cold Emperor was dressed in his usual black clothing, and stood before Xuan Mo's grave for a long time. All those who came for the funeral were beyond astonished as they cowered in silence. Yet, he was like a stone statue.
After that, there was a string of posthumously awarded titles and rewards, but all that ultimately had nothing to do with her. Her heart had died, and all the superficial glory in the world meant nothing to her.
The carriage inched forward slowly on the main path, passing through the prosperous city, passing through the bustling crowds as it exited the city heading to the southwest. The cacophony of the crowd gradually distanced. The scenery was replaced by that of mountains and snow plains. The sky was grey and gloomy, with an occasional lone bird flying past, clearly separated from the flock as it let out calls of sadness.
Yong'er leaned in the embrace of Yushu, almost falling asleep from the warmth and comfort of the inside of the carriage. The blankets were extremely thick, blocking the external coldness. Yushu held the child as she patted his back rhythmically while humming some tune she had heard long ago. Time seemed to be passing ever so slowly, and the journey seemed ever so long.
"My lady, there is a tea shop up ahead, shall we take a break?" Jiang Wu, who was leading the escort team, closed in and asked.
The veils lightly opened, with the cold wind gushing into the carriage. Yushu frowned, and looking up at the sky, she replied, "Let us hurry. I think the weather is about to turn bad. Let's not be blocked on the way by snow."
"Understood." Jiang Wu continued, "Hongchuan is really cold. If this was still in the Song territory, at this time of the year, the lotus would still be blossoming."
"Mother?" Yong'er rubbed his eyes, his face was flushed red. After being exposed to the cold wind, he seemed more energetic. Frowning, he asked, "Are we there yet?"
Yushu looked at the surroundings and replied while nodding, "Soon."
Yushu had not been to many places in her life. The first time she left the family was when she migrated from the Song Empire to the Zhen Huang City. Traveling thousands of miles, she came along with tens of thousands of Song nobles, arriving at this cold and unfamiliar land.
At that moment, the nicer way of putting it was that the Song Empire had followed the will of heaven, and was peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire. Yet everyone knew that in the Nalan Family, apart from Princess Nalan Hongye, there was only a few daughters and a dying son. It was impossible to continue the bloodline. Even though they were still autonomous, it would be certain that eventually, they would become a main part of the Yan Empire.
Yet, having such an outcome was perhaps for the best. In those years, Song empire had the smallest territory of the three and was not even a tenth of the Xia Empire. Even though they were by the sea and their commerce was prosperous, they were ultimately hindered by the lack of iron, war horses, and other critical military resources. The military might of the Song Empire had always been the bottom of the hierarchy, and the only reason why they had not been conquered was due to the checks and balances system made by the Xia and Tang Empire. Should either the Xia or Tang Empire crumble, the victor would certainly invade the Song Empire first.
In those warring years, the internal situation of the Song Empire was unstable, the Tang Empire had been split into two as the empire fell into disarray. The Xia Empire had been fragmented by an intense civil war. In such a case, firstly, it was impossible for the Song Empire to continue relying on the precarious tension to keep herself safe from conflict. Secondly, the Song Empire did not have the military might to take this opportunity to invade the other lands. Thirdly, the Song Empire was itself at risk of crumbling. In such a situation, apart from being peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire, there was little choice. The truth had proven that the Princess' decision had been right. Even though the Song Empire became annexed, the civilians had been virtually untouched by the flames of war, and the royalty and nobility of the Song Empire had lost nothing. The Song officials gained important posts in the new Court, and were completely different from the Xia people who were viewed as second-class citizens.
The civilians did not care who was the emperor. As long as they did not go hungry and did not lose their land, no one would care if their ruler was from Nalan. Yet, there were some who could not seem to accept that. Yushu still remember how on the day that she left the Song Empire, there were many who tried to block the royalty from leaving, and after being scolded by the soldiers, some even poured oil on themselves then set themselves on fire.
Until today, Yushu still remembered that scene. As the inferno blazed, that man shouted King Xuan's name while still burning, and others followed while prostrating on the ground, saying that should King Xuan still be around, he would certainly not allow the territory to be freely given up to the enemies.
In the blink of an eye, so many years had passed. Under the leadership of the Great Yan Empire, such voices of dissent had gradually faded, and that man who was viewed as the savior of the Song Empire had too faded out from people's memories. Now, on the anniversary of his death, perhaps only she and their son would head out of the city to pray for him.
After half a day of travel, they had finally reached the Yanxi Mountain. This place had a difficult terrain, and the carriage could no longer head up. Wearing a plain white cape, she got out of the carriage with Yong'er. The servants carried the carriage, allowing her to sit before beginning the ascent.
Due to the thickness of the snow, the servants walked really slowly. At this moment, Yong'er suddenly became energetic. He lifted the carriage veils and looked out of the window excitedly. There was a temple at the midpoint of the mountain, looking extremely run down. Yushu had once rested here. In this temple there were only about a dozen monks, most of them old. Due to the fact that this place was extremely deserted, there were little visitors, so it was in a permanent state of disrepair.
She looked out from the window, only to see that despite the white world around, there were still pine trees that were healthily green, yet she felt desolated.
Another year passed.
"Lady, we have arrived. The road ahead is narrow, and the carriage can no longer travel like so."
Yushu nodded and brought Yong'er out the carriage. Informing the other guards to stay, she went up with only Jiang Wu and incense.
As they headed up, the wind got heavier. She protected Yong'er behind her, walking up. Suddenly, a shadow appeared from the bushes at the side. Jiang Qu reacted immediately, protecting Yushu. Yet before he could draw his blade, two blades had already been placed on his neck.
"Who are you?" the intruder bellowed.
Yushu was pale with fear and quickly covered Yong'er eyes. Yet she had not expected that Yong'er would bed so courageous. He pulled off her hand and called out, "I am the child of King Xuan, and this is my mother. We are here to pray for my father. What people are you? Bandits? Are you not afraid of being hunted down?" The child's voice was crystal clear, echoing with the howling winds. Yushu immediately pulled Yong'er back and held him tightly in her embrace.
Those 'bandits' looked at each other and immediately withdrew their weapons. The leader walked up and with utmost respect greeted, "Good day, Lady Xuan and Young Master. That was rude of us. Please wait here for short while." After that, he swiftly dashed off. Before long, he returned and extended an invitation, "Lady, please."
Yushu looked at them with suspicion, and it was Jiang Wu who seemed to have understood the situation. He dared not to speak too much, and merely nodded to Yushu, indicating to her that there was no need to fear.
The jade tiles were extremely neat and well polished. Looking from afar, it seemed like a huge mirror. The sky seemed so near, as though she could touch the clouds by reaching out her hands. Wind blew from all around her, sending her clothes fluttering in the snow around. In the all-surrounding whiteness, it was as though she was surrounded by a fog of milk.
Yushu squinted, only to see a figure in the snowstorm ahead. Wearing a black cape, the cape covered even his face. As the wind howled, it seemed as though the snow was trying to isolate him from the world itself. This lonely figure was like the Yggdrasil of the myths; firm and strong, supporting the heavens by himself.
Even though she could not see his features, Yushu immediately knelt down, and pulled Yong'er along. With her quiet voice, she said, "Good day, Your Majesty."
Yan Xun turned around. His frigid gaze seemed to warm up after seeing her. He lightly smiled, although his smile was stiff. It was unclear if the stiffness originated from the frigid weather or the fact that he had already forgotten how to smile. He quietly nodded, "You have come."
Yan Xun did not tell her to rise, so Yushu dared not to move, as her heart thumped rapidly, as she nervously replied, "Yes, Your Majesty."
"Please rise. I do not wish to be seen by him as bullying his wife." His words were rather casual, yet Yushu's leg seemed to be weak from fear. She stiffly stood up, and walked up with Yong'er. Standing about ten steps behind Yan Xun, she could see that the incense before Xuan Mo's grave was already lit, with the blackened hell money fluttering in the wind like a swarm of butterflies.
Yan Xun spoke no more. He casually moved aside, vacating the space before the grave. Yushu walked up with the kid and begun their own round of offerings. They lit the incense and started burning the hell money. The white paper was quickly engulfed by the flames, turning into jet black ashes. Her pale face seemed to be stained with blood under the glow of the flames, as her frozen fingers bathed in the warmth of the flames. Yet, her fingers were still as stiff as ever as she slowly enriched the flames with more hell money.
"Father, Yong'er is here to visit you." Yong'er obediently knelt on the ground and knocked his head on the ground thrice before speaking seriously, "This year I did really well for my school work, and Mister Lu had praised me three times. I learned a lot of words, and learned how to ride horses. Uncle Jiang gave me a small horse. Black in color, it has a tuft of white on its nose. It looks really handsome." The child talked quite a bit, and even though childishness exuded from his words, his words were filled with a sense of mature seriousness. Furrowing his eyebrows, he seemed really adorable as he continued, "Father, the weather is cold. You should remember to wear more. Mother and I will burn some winter clothes for you. Being here alone, you need to take better care of yourself, and do not fall sick. I will take care of Mother for you, so you need not worry."
He merely sat there, leaning on the bed, wearing a set of clean clothes. Seeing her, he began smiling as usual as he stretched out his hand and pointed toward a chair by the side and signaled, "Sit."She sat down, still in a daze, as she looked at him with tears rolling in her eyes, yet she dared not to cry. Biting her lips, she tried her best not to cry out loud."Yushu, from now on, it will be tough on you," he calmly said this as he looked at her. He said it ever so slowly, yet his words were clear. On the small desk, there were two old pieces of ginseng that had already been mostly consumed. He lightly sighed, and glanced at Yong'er and said, "I am not a responsible father."Yushu was really afraid. All her life, she had never felt so scared before. She suddenly gathered her courage and grabbed hold of her husband's arm and said, "Master, please, no. You can't do this."Xuan Mo smiled. His complexion turned even more pale, his eyes sunken in. He no longer looked the same as he once was."Master, you can't do this." This naive woman knew not what else she could say, and merely kept shaking her head as she grasped her husband's arm, repeating the same line over and over again.The nightly breeze slowly pushed open the windows. The lone candle was almost extinguished several times. The air from outside was cold, bringing with it the sweet scent of chrysanthemum from the north.She could still vaguely remember the conversation she had with her sisters. They were together, trying to imagine their future husbands. Some wanted to marry an intelligent scholar, some wanted to marry a powerful general, some wanted to marry the prince of a noble family. Only she could not make up her mind, and after being forced by her sisters did she finally say, "As long as he treats me well, it will be alright."As long as he treats me well, it will be alright.She had always been such a person, even her sisters had felt that she had little ambition. But so what? At the very least, she would not feel upset due to greed, she would not feel lonely by being alone, she would not blame everything around her. Her wishes were simple but easily satisfied. Her life was simple, but it was peaceful and joyous. Yet, she gave up on hoping for even that small wish of hers at this very moment.She held onto Xuan Mo's hand, and while trembling, she said, "Master, the old Master has already passed on. Just divorce me. I know, Master, you did not like me and have someone else in your heart. But now I do not want anything. As long as Master is still alive, even if you divorce me, it will be alright."At that moment, all wind and rain seemed to stop. This general who had seen so much in life was suddenly taken aback by this woman's stubbornness. A pain suddenly started nibbling at his heart, as his years of stubbornness and determination disintegrated as the river of time suddenly engulfed his thoughts, forming into a sea of regret. At this final moment of his life, it transformed into a sigh.After being married for so many years, this was the first time that he stretched out his hand and embraced his wife properly, as he apologized, "Yushu, I have disappointed you."Yushu was completely taken aback, as she was caught in this unfamiliar embrace. All these years of endurance, all these years of self-control, all these years of self-comfort, and all these years of lying to herself, she had always felt that she was a good wife, and thought that she was not hurt, not sad. Yet, everything crumbled in that simple sentence, in that simple embrace. It seemed like she had not been free from sadness, free from disappointment, free from dreams and hopes. Only that she had always suppressed everything.She suddenly let loose her voice, crying her lungs out, unable to form coherent sentences. This was the first time in her life, also the last, that Yushu cried out loud in the arms of her husband.After saying that sentence, Xuan Mo passed on. He was so peaceful as he left this world, his expression made him see like he was merely a painting.On the second day, hearing of King Xuan's passing, the Emperor of Yan, who was initially planning to leave the city suddenly changed his path, coming straight to King Xuan's residence. This ruthless and cold Emperor was dressed in his usual black clothing, and stood before Xuan Mo's grave for a long time. All those who came for the funeral were beyond astonished as they cowered in silence. Yet, he was like a stone statue.After that, there was a string of posthumously awarded titles and rewards, but all that ultimately had nothing to do with her. Her heart had died, and all the superficial glory in the world meant nothing to her.The carriage inched forward slowly on the main path, passing through the prosperous city, passing through the bustling crowds as it exited the city heading to the southwest. The cacophony of the crowd gradually distanced. The scenery was replaced by that of mountains and snow plains. The sky was grey and gloomy, with an occasional lone bird flying past, clearly separated from the flock as it let out calls of sadness.Yong'er leaned in the embrace of Yushu, almost falling asleep from the warmth and comfort of the inside of the carriage. The blankets were extremely thick, blocking the external coldness. Yushu held the child as she patted his back rhythmically while humming some tune she had heard long ago. Time seemed to be passing ever so slowly, and the journey seemed ever so long."My lady, there is a tea shop up ahead, shall we take a break?" Jiang Wu, who was leading the escort team, closed in and asked.The veils lightly opened, with the cold wind gushing into the carriage. Yushu frowned, and looking up at the sky, she replied, "Let us hurry. I think the weather is about to turn bad. Let's not be blocked on the way by snow.""Understood." Jiang Wu continued, "Hongchuan is really cold. If this was still in the Song territory, at this time of the year, the lotus would still be blossoming.""Mother?" Yong'er rubbed his eyes, his face was flushed red. After being exposed to the cold wind, he seemed more energetic. Frowning, he asked, "Are we there yet?"Yushu looked at the surroundings and replied while nodding, "Soon."Yushu had not been to many places in her life. The first time she left the family was when she migrated from the Song Empire to the Zhen Huang City. Traveling thousands of miles, she came along with tens of thousands of Song nobles, arriving at this cold and unfamiliar land.At that moment, the nicer way of putting it was that the Song Empire had followed the will of heaven, and was peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire. Yet everyone knew that in the Nalan Family, apart from Princess Nalan Hongye, there was only a few daughters and a dying son. It was impossible to continue the bloodline. Even though they were still autonomous, it would be certain that eventually, they would become a main part of the Yan Empire.Yet, having such an outcome was perhaps for the best. In those years, Song empire had the smallest territory of the three and was not even a tenth of the Xia Empire. Even though they were by the sea and their commerce was prosperous, they were ultimately hindered by the lack of iron, war horses, and other critical military resources. The military might of the Song Empire had always been the bottom of the hierarchy, and the only reason why they had not been conquered was due to the checks and balances system made by the Xia and Tang Empire. Should either the Xia or Tang Empire crumble, the victor would certainly invade the Song Empire first.In those warring years, the internal situation of the Song Empire was unstable, the Tang Empire had been split into two as the empire fell into disarray. The Xia Empire had been fragmented by an intense civil war. In such a case, firstly, it was impossible for the Song Empire to continue relying on the precarious tension to keep herself safe from conflict. Secondly, the Song Empire did not have the military might to take this opportunity to invade the other lands. Thirdly, the Song Empire was itself at risk of crumbling. In such a situation, apart from being peacefully annexed by the Yan Empire, there was little choice. The truth had proven that the Princess' decision had been right. Even though the Song Empire became annexed, the civilians had been virtually untouched by the flames of war, and the royalty and nobility of the Song Empire had lost nothing. The Song officials gained important posts in the new Court, and were completely different from the Xia people who were viewed as second-class citizens.The civilians did not care who was the emperor. As long as they did not go hungry and did not lose their land, no one would care if their ruler was from Nalan. Yet, there were some who could not seem to accept that. Yushu still remember how on the day that she left the Song Empire, there were many who tried to block the royalty from leaving, and after being scolded by the soldiers, some even poured oil on themselves then set themselves on fire.Until today, Yushu still remembered that scene. As the inferno blazed, that man shouted King Xuan's name while still burning, and others followed while prostrating on the ground, saying that should King Xuan still be around, he would certainly not allow the territory to be freely given up to the enemies.In the blink of an eye, so many years had passed. Under the leadership of the Great Yan Empire, such voices of dissent had gradually faded, and that man who was viewed as the savior of the Song Empire had too faded out from people's memories. Now, on the anniversary of his death, perhaps only she and their son would head out of the city to pray for him.After half a day of travel, they had finally reached the Yanxi Mountain. This place had a difficult terrain, and the carriage could no longer head up. Wearing a plain white cape, she got out of the carriage with Yong'er. The servants carried the carriage, allowing her to sit before beginning the ascent.Due to the thickness of the snow, the servants walked really slowly. At this moment, Yong'er suddenly became energetic. He lifted the carriage veils and looked out of the window excitedly. There was a temple at the midpoint of the mountain, looking extremely run down. Yushu had once rested here. In this temple there were only about a dozen monks, most of them old. Due to the fact that this place was extremely deserted, there were little visitors, so it was in a permanent state of disrepair.She looked out from the window, only to see that despite the white world around, there were still pine trees that were healthily green, yet she felt desolated.Another year passed."Lady, we have arrived. The road ahead is narrow, and the carriage can no longer travel like so."Yushu nodded and brought Yong'er out the carriage. Informing the other guards to stay, she went up with only Jiang Wu and incense.As they headed up, the wind got heavier. She protected Yong'er behind her, walking up. Suddenly, a shadow appeared from the bushes at the side. Jiang Qu reacted immediately, protecting Yushu. Yet before he could draw his blade, two blades had already been placed on his neck."Who are you?" the intruder bellowed.Yushu was pale with fear and quickly covered Yong'er eyes. Yet she had not expected that Yong'er would bed so courageous. He pulled off her hand and called out, "I am the child of King Xuan, and this is my mother. We are here to pray for my father. What people are you? Bandits? Are you not afraid of being hunted down?" The child's voice was crystal clear, echoing with the howling winds. Yushu immediately pulled Yong'er back and held him tightly in her embrace.Those 'bandits' looked at each other and immediately withdrew their weapons. The leader walked up and with utmost respect greeted, "Good day, Lady Xuan and Young Master. That was rude of us. Please wait here for short while." After that, he swiftly dashed off. Before long, he returned and extended an invitation, "Lady, please."Yushu looked at them with suspicion, and it was Jiang Wu who seemed to have understood the situation. He dared not to speak too much, and merely nodded to Yushu, indicating to her that there was no need to fear.The jade tiles were extremely neat and well polished. Looking from afar, it seemed like a huge mirror. The sky seemed so near, as though she could touch the clouds by reaching out her hands. Wind blew from all around her, sending her clothes fluttering in the snow around. In the all-surrounding whiteness, it was as though she was surrounded by a fog of milk.Yushu squinted, only to see a figure in the snowstorm ahead. Wearing a black cape, the cape covered even his face. As the wind howled, it seemed as though the snow was trying to isolate him from the world itself. This lonely figure was like the Yggdrasil of the myths; firm and strong, supporting the heavens by himself.Even though she could not see his features, Yushu immediately knelt down, and pulled Yong'er along. With her quiet voice, she said, "Good day, Your Majesty."Yan Xun turned around. His frigid gaze seemed to warm up after seeing her. He lightly smiled, although his smile was stiff. It was unclear if the stiffness originated from the frigid weather or the fact that he had already forgotten how to smile. He quietly nodded, "You have come."Yan Xun did not tell her to rise, so Yushu dared not to move, as her heart thumped rapidly, as she nervously replied, "Yes, Your Majesty.""Please rise. I do not wish to be seen by him as bullying his wife." His words were rather casual, yet Yushu's leg seemed to be weak from fear. She stiffly stood up, and walked up with Yong'er. Standing about ten steps behind Yan Xun, she could see that the incense before Xuan Mo's grave was already lit, with the blackened hell money fluttering in the wind like a swarm of butterflies.Yan Xun spoke no more. He casually moved aside, vacating the space before the grave. Yushu walked up with the kid and begun their own round of offerings. They lit the incense and started burning the hell money. The white paper was quickly engulfed by the flames, turning into jet black ashes. Her pale face seemed to be stained with blood under the glow of the flames, as her frozen fingers bathed in the warmth of the flames. Yet, her fingers were still as stiff as ever as she slowly enriched the flames with more hell money."Father, Yong'er is here to visit you." Yong'er obediently knelt on the ground and knocked his head on the ground thrice before speaking seriously, "This year I did really well for my school work, and Mister Lu had praised me three times. I learned a lot of words, and learned how to ride horses. Uncle Jiang gave me a small horse. Black in color, it has a tuft of white on its nose. It looks really handsome." The child talked quite a bit, and even though childishness exuded from his words, his words were filled with a sense of mature seriousness. Furrowing his eyebrows, he seemed really adorable as he continued, "Father, the weather is cold. You should remember to wear more. Mother and I will burn some winter clothes for you. Being here alone, you need to take better care of yourself, and do not fall sick. I will take care of Mother for you, so you need not worry."
