Chapter 121
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That night Ning Fu once again behaves like a thief when he enters the Imperial Palace around midnight.
Tonight, the monarch isn't in any of the Imperial Gardens when he arrives.
He thinks that there is only one other place the emperor seems to frequent if he is not in the gardens and lo and behold!
Ning Fu finds the monarch sitting by the Koi fish pond and as usual, the other person seems to be lost in his thoughts.
He finds himself mesmerised by the monarch who seems bathed in the iridescent moonlight.
The other person has his head tilted upwards and eyes closed as if trying to breathe in the fresh air and the moonlight.
The dark eyelashes fan across those pale cheeks and it does something to his heart which seems to go haywire whenever he is in His Majesty's presence these days.
The sight brings to his mind the fact that the conversation he had heard between the emperor and his brother when the monarch said he couldn't sleep most nights because he dreams of the person in his heart.
He squeezes his eyes shut as the thoughts arise unbidden inside him and do something painful to his heart.
Ning Fu wonders as to why he is so concerned about all this.
Keeping aside the fact that the other person is his liege and he should do his utmost to help him in whatever way he can, he can't understand his strange impulse to come to the Imperial Palace every night and stand vigil while the monarch mourns or thinks about a person Ning Fu hasn't even ever met.
It's not like anybody would praise him for his efforts, rather he would be maligned for his actions that will be seen as sneaky and dishonourable.
But no matter how hard he tries to tell himself that or stop himself for coming here night after night, it all futile because his heart can never have a semblance of peace until he sees the monarch and makes sure that the other person has finally turned in for the night.
His train of thought is broken when the monarch opens his eyes.
Su Li looks at the twinkling stars in the sky and can't help but lament her fate.
Suddenly she is reminded of the old wives' tale which says that the departed souls of our loved ones turn into stars that twinkle in the sky and they can hear the words of the living.
She knows its juts a tale to soothe the hearts of grieving people but on a whim, she voices her thoughts.
"I don't know if you can even hear me or not. On one hand, I hope you can so that I can tell you the words in my heart but on the other hand, I hope you don't because I know you wouldn't be proud of how I am living my life."
She felt bitter self-loathing rise up in her heart but she paid it no mind.
"You know I never thought that it was possible but the world feels darker and lonely without you. "
Her thoughts become more incoherent the more she thinks about it and it takes all her willpower to continue – to say the words that she has been suppressing for close to a year now.
She has to force out the next words out of her mouth.
"I miss you every day, all day. Most days it's even a chore to go about my day without the assurance of your warm presence beside me. Sometimes I turn around to joke or ask your opinion and it is only then that I realise that I will never have the joy of having you watch my back and protect me again."
Long forgotten memories that she had buried deep inside her heart and mind so as to not think about them rise in waves.
Those precious few memories of when they had both been truly happy to be with each other run in circles in her mind's eye.
When she hadn't been pushing him away in her misguided attempt to keep him safe from Yu Yan's schemes and he had been free to talk to her as a trusted person by her side.
Tonight, there is no breeze but Su Li still feels chilled – body, mind and soul and hugs herself as if trying to ward off that chill.
But she knows it's impossible for her to truly feel warm because it is not the chilliness of the wind that troubles her on most nights.
No, it's the stark, bone-deep loneliness she feels.
Her heart and life feel empty and hollow without him.
When she had first accepted the system's task, she had never thought that she would fall in love with someone and then lose them.
She whispers, "I wish you were here. You know it's funny how everyone sees me as this paragon of virtue and they sing my praises. I have heard the whispers but they don't know the truth, do they? Ha! If they only knew what's inside my heart."
Su Li gives a wan smile at that.
"If they only knew that the monarch they so look up to wouldn't blink an eye to give up this entire dynasty to have few precious moments with you – even if only a handful of snatched moments, I would do it in a heartbeat."
With a watery chuckle, she continues.Find authorized novels in Webnovel，faster updates, better experience，Please click www.webnovel.com for visiting.
"Most of them think that I place my subjects above all else. Ha! How naive of them, isn't it? To be honest, I should understand that with my position, I should put the dynasty and my subjects above all else. After all, that's only fair."
Su Li clenched her hands into fists.
"However, how can I do that when I don't even have a heart? All the organ does is pump blood to my body but the emotions that make a person truly human seem to be missing. It's as if my heart has frozen over and nothing can thaw it."
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That night Ning Fu once again behaves like a thief when he enters the Imperial Palace around midnight.
Tonight, the monarch isn't in any of the Imperial Gardens when he arrives.
He thinks that there is only one other place the emperor seems to frequent if he is not in the gardens and lo and behold!
Ning Fu finds the monarch sitting by the Koi fish pond and as usual, the other person seems to be lost in his thoughts.
He finds himself mesmerised by the monarch who seems bathed in the iridescent moonlight.
The other person has his head tilted upwards and eyes closed as if trying to breathe in the fresh air and the moonlight.
The dark eyelashes fan across those pale cheeks and it does something to his heart which seems to go haywire whenever he is in His Majesty's presence these days.
The sight brings to his mind the fact that the conversation he had heard between the emperor and his brother when the monarch said he couldn't sleep most nights because he dreams of the person in his heart.
He squeezes his eyes shut as the thoughts arise unbidden inside him and do something painful to his heart.
Ning Fu wonders as to why he is so concerned about all this.
Keeping aside the fact that the other person is his liege and he should do his utmost to help him in whatever way he can, he can't understand his strange impulse to come to the Imperial Palace every night and stand vigil while the monarch mourns or thinks about a person Ning Fu hasn't even ever met.
It's not like anybody would praise him for his efforts, rather he would be maligned for his actions that will be seen as sneaky and dishonourable.
But no matter how hard he tries to tell himself that or stop himself for coming here night after night, it all futile because his heart can never have a semblance of peace until he sees the monarch and makes sure that the other person has finally turned in for the night.
His train of thought is broken when the monarch opens his eyes.
Su Li looks at the twinkling stars in the sky and can't help but lament her fate.
Suddenly she is reminded of the old wives' tale which says that the departed souls of our loved ones turn into stars that twinkle in the sky and they can hear the words of the living.
She knows its juts a tale to soothe the hearts of grieving people but on a whim, she voices her thoughts.
"I don't know if you can even hear me or not. On one hand, I hope you can so that I can tell you the words in my heart but on the other hand, I hope you don't because I know you wouldn't be proud of how I am living my life."
She felt bitter self-loathing rise up in her heart but she paid it no mind.
"You know I never thought that it was possible but the world feels darker and lonely without you. "
Her thoughts become more incoherent the more she thinks about it and it takes all her willpower to continue – to say the words that she has been suppressing for close to a year now.
She has to force out the next words out of her mouth.
"I miss you every day, all day. Most days it's even a chore to go about my day without the assurance of your warm presence beside me. Sometimes I turn around to joke or ask your opinion and it is only then that I realise that I will never have the joy of having you watch my back and protect me again."
Long forgotten memories that she had buried deep inside her heart and mind so as to not think about them rise in waves.
Those precious few memories of when they had both been truly happy to be with each other run in circles in her mind's eye.
When she hadn't been pushing him away in her misguided attempt to keep him safe from Yu Yan's schemes and he had been free to talk to her as a trusted person by her side.
Tonight, there is no breeze but Su Li still feels chilled – body, mind and soul and hugs herself as if trying to ward off that chill.
But she knows it's impossible for her to truly feel warm because it is not the chilliness of the wind that troubles her on most nights.
No, it's the stark, bone-deep loneliness she feels.
Her heart and life feel empty and hollow without him.
When she had first accepted the system's task, she had never thought that she would fall in love with someone and then lose them.
She whispers, "I wish you were here. You know it's funny how everyone sees me as this paragon of virtue and they sing my praises. I have heard the whispers but they don't know the truth, do they? Ha! If they only knew what's inside my heart."
Su Li gives a wan smile at that.
"If they only knew that the monarch they so look up to wouldn't blink an eye to give up this entire dynasty to have few precious moments with you – even if only a handful of snatched moments, I would do it in a heartbeat."
With a watery chuckle, she continues.Find authorized novels in Webnovel，faster updates, better experience，Please click www.webnovel.com for visiting.
"Most of them think that I place my subjects above all else. Ha! How naive of them, isn't it? To be honest, I should understand that with my position, I should put the dynasty and my subjects above all else. After all, that's only fair."
Su Li clenched her hands into fists.
"However, how can I do that when I don't even have a heart? All the organ does is pump blood to my body but the emotions that make a person truly human seem to be missing. It's as if my heart has frozen over and nothing can thaw it."
That night Ning Fu once again behaves like a thief when he enters the Imperial Palace around midnight.Tonight, the monarch isn't in any of the Imperial Gardens when he arrives.He thinks that there is only one other place the emperor seems to frequent if he is not in the gardens and lo and behold!Ning Fu finds the monarch sitting by the Koi fish pond and as usual, the other person seems to be lost in his thoughts.He finds himself mesmerised by the monarch who seems bathed in the iridescent moonlight.The other person has his head tilted upwards and eyes closed as if trying to breathe in the fresh air and the moonlight.The dark eyelashes fan across those pale cheeks and it does something to his heart which seems to go haywire whenever he is in His Majesty's presence these days.The sight brings to his mind the fact that the conversation he had heard between the emperor and his brother when the monarch said he couldn't sleep most nights because he dreams of the person in his heart.He squeezes his eyes shut as the thoughts arise unbidden inside him and do something painful to his heart.Ning Fu wonders as to why he is so concerned about all this.Keeping aside the fact that the other person is his liege and he should do his utmost to help him in whatever way he can, he can't understand his strange impulse to come to the Imperial Palace every night and stand vigil while the monarch mourns or thinks about a person Ning Fu hasn't even ever met.It's not like anybody would praise him for his efforts, rather he would be maligned for his actions that will be seen as sneaky and dishonourable.But no matter how hard he tries to tell himself that or stop himself for coming here night after night, it all futile because his heart can never have a semblance of peace until he sees the monarch and makes sure that the other person has finally turned in for the night.His train of thought is broken when the monarch opens his eyes.Su Li looks at the twinkling stars in the sky and can't help but lament her fate.Suddenly she is reminded of the old wives' tale which says that the departed souls of our loved ones turn into stars that twinkle in the sky and they can hear the words of the living.She knows its juts a tale to soothe the hearts of grieving people but on a whim, she voices her thoughts."I don't know if you can even hear me or not. On one hand, I hope you can so that I can tell you the words in my heart but on the other hand, I hope you don't because I know you wouldn't be proud of how I am living my life."She felt bitter self-loathing rise up in her heart but she paid it no mind."You know I never thought that it was possible but the world feels darker and lonely without you. "Her thoughts become more incoherent the more she thinks about it and it takes all her willpower to continue to say the words that she has been suppressing for close to a year now.She has to force out the next words out of her mouth."I miss you every day, all day. Most days it's even a chore to go about my day without the assurance of your warm presence beside me. Sometimes I turn around to joke or ask your opinion and it is only then that I realise that I will never have the joy of having you watch my back and protect me again."Long forgotten memories that she had buried deep inside her heart and mind so as to not think about them rise in waves.Those precious few memories of when they had both been truly happy to be with each other run in circles in her mind's eye.When she hadn't been pushing him away in her misguided attempt to keep him safe from Yu Yan's schemes and he had been free to talk to her as a trusted person by her side.Tonight, there is no breeze but Su Li still feels chilled body, mind and soul and hugs herself as if trying to ward off that chill.But she knows it's impossible for her to truly feel warm because it is not the chilliness of the wind that troubles her on most nights.No, it's the stark, bone-deep loneliness she feels.Her heart and life feel empty and hollow without him.When she had first accepted the system's task, she had never thought that she would fall in love with someone and then lose them.She whispers, "I wish you were here. You know it's funny how everyone sees me as this paragon of virtue and they sing my praises. I have heard the whispers but they don't know the truth, do they? Ha! If they only knew what's inside my heart."Su Li gives a wan smile at that."If they only knew that the monarch they so look up to wouldn't blink an eye to give up this entire dynasty to have few precious moments with you even if only a handful of snatched moments, I would do it in a heartbeat."With a watery chuckle, she continues.Find authorized novels in Webnovelfaster updates, better experiencePlease click www.webnovel.com for visiting."Most of them think that I place my subjects above all else. Ha! How naive of them, isn't it? To be honest, I should understand that with my position, I should put the dynasty and my subjects above all else. After all, that's only fair."Su Li clenched her hands into fists."However, how can I do that when I don't even have a heart? All the organ does is pump blood to my body but the emotions that make a person truly human seem to be missing. It's as if my heart has frozen over and nothing can thaw it."
