Enclosed on all sides, the room was filled with the choking scent of old books.
Stepping through the opened door, stricken by this sight and smell, Subaru’s mouth gaped open wordlessly as he realized, half a second too late, that he had stepped onto a floor that did not belong to the place he was hoping for―
――and that this delay in his awareness proved fatal.
[Subaru: The Forbidden Library!?]
He had reached the place which he couldn’t find while searching all throughout the Mansion. The undesired timing and the unforeseen opportunity created a vacuum in Subaru’s heart, robbing him of the time before the door slammed shut behind him.
[Subaru: ――!]
As though shoved forth by a wind from the outside, Subaru’s body was sucked into the Library. With the same momentum, the door clamped shut, sending a small breeze tickling the back of Subaru’s neck.
Turning around at the violent sound, confirming that the room had been separated from the hallway, he understood.
Why the Forbidden Library opened to him here, and why it had shut its doors.
[Subaru: O-Open it――!!]
Reaching for the doorknob, he noticed the state of his right arm and reached out the left one as well. His blood-drenched fingers wrenched violently at the knob, sending loud clatters into the air, but although the knob was turning, it conveyed none of his intentions to the door. The screech of the knob’s futile rotation only served to compound Subaru’s agitation.
[Beatrice: ――No matter how much you struggle to get out, it’s no use, you know]
A voice flew to Subaru’s ears from behind while he was desperately wrestling with the door.
Swinging around, and leaning his back against the door flap――he saw the girl in the depths of the Library, staring directly at him with a cold and indifferent gaze.
Long, cream-colored curls and an extravagant dress. A small body, and cute, yet peevish features. She was every bit the same girl that Subaru knew.
[Subaru: Beatrice……]
[Beatrice: You look quite terrible, I suppose. You’ll dirty the Library’s floor, so don’t move around so much……]
[Subaru: Open the door! NOW! LET ME OUT, NOW!!]
Seeing her coldly staring at his wounds, Subaru screamed, ignoring everything Beatrice said. Not hearing her instruction to “stop bleeding everywhere”, Subaru flailed his wretched, profusely bleeding right arm,
[Subaru: Why, why did you show up now!? Why! WHY NOW!? LET ME GO BACK! HURRY! NOW! RIGHT NOW!!]
[Beatrice: ……And what will you do once you go back, I suppose? Even if you go back with these unsightly wounds, Betty has no idea what you could possibly do]
[Subaru: I know better than anyone that I can’t do anything!! But it doesn’t matter!!]
He did not want to go back in order to face Elsa, but to enter the room where he was supposed to be, to go to that sleeping girl’s side, and――
[Subaru: If I’m in the Library, and Door Crossing is lifted…… then that murderer would, the room……]
When she realizes that Subaru had vanished, that lunatic would probably find herself tilting her head. Before searching the Mansion for the disappeared Subaru, she would find the lonely girl sleeping inside. What that wanton murderer would do when she finds her, defenseless in her sleep―― did not warrant a second thought.
[Subaru: THAT’S WHY――!]
[Beatrice: It’s already too late, you know]
Subaru, roaring at the top of his lungs as if to shake off this surging apprehension, was instantly washed over by Beatrice’s abrupt and poignant whisper.
Seeing her cast down her eyes and shake her head, for a moment, Subaru froze. His brain chewed over the meaning of her words, and his thoughts came to a halt.
――What did this girl say just now?
[Subaru: Too late…… what do you…… mean?]
[Beatrice: The reason why you think you want to go back to that room… is already gone, I suppose]
[Subaru: ――――]
In front of Subaru’s disjointed question, Beatrice gave this dispassionate reply.
His throat choked up, his eyes opened to their limits, and, by the time he realized it, he had fallen to his knees. His shoulders dropped, his head faced downwards, and a terrible ring echoed within his skull.
Pain, pain, the forgotten pain revived as noise eroded Subaru’s consciousness. It would be alright if only everything could be drowned in that noise and be swept away, he honestly thought. He didn’t want to understand any of it. He didn’t want to realize it. Nonetheless,
[Beatrice: Your wounds, let me see them, I suppose. They’re too miserable, I can’t stand looking at them]
Walking up to Subaru, who had collapsed onto the floor, Beatrice folded her knees and looked over the wounds on his right arm, left waist and right shoulder, casting him a frown of reproach. A faint light covered over her hand, which she pressed against his most severely wounded right arm ――replacing the heat of pain, something of an itch coursed through his arm. And, along with the sound of splashing water, the fabric of his flesh began to mend.
The bleeding stopped, and slowly, and slowly, answering to the light, a membrane spread over the open wound as the sheared off area was repopulated with cells spurring to recovery. Although,
[Beatrice: It will take time to return to its original width, and your missing fingers won’t be coming back, I suppose. ……The wounds on your hip and shoulder―]
[Subaru: ……what the hell are you doing]
A voice devoid of emotion leaked from Subaru’s lips.
Intent on healing his wounds, Beatrice furrowed her brows and held out her palm, emanating with healing energy, in front of Subaru’s eyes,
[Beatrice: I don’t like this either. But I have no choice, so I’m treating your wounds. Betty is the only one in the Mansion who can heal such extensive wounds, I suppose. You should thank me you know]
[Subaru: heal…… my wounds……? what for……?]
[Beatrice: These wounds would be life-threatening if left alone, I suppose. And though I don’t particularly care whether you live or die, I would rather you not die here]
Closing one eye, perhaps disregarding Subaru’s words as delirium from his injuries, Beatrice uttered this cold reply as she prepared to continue healing. But,
[Subaru: ――――gh]
[Beatrice: Ah]
Sensing the healing waves burying away his wounds, Subaru swung his injured arm aside, prompting a small sound of surprise from Beatrice.
He taxed his trembling knees and rolled onto his side, painting large swathes of the Forbidden Library’s floor in red as he distanced himself from her, all the while keeping his ghastly stare fixed upon her face.
Panting with ragged breaths, his frantic movements dislodged the darts buried in his hip. Shrill clatters rang out as they landed on the floor, followed by the sound of free-flowing liquid that was blood flowing from his wounds. Streaming down his thighs, and spreading out from his knees, it flooded over the floor in a river of blood.
Beatrice’s breath stopped at this sight, while Subaru bared his teeth,
[Subaru: I don’t need any healing……! IF YOU DON’T CARE WHETHER I LIVE OR DIE…… WHY DID YOU BOTHER SAVING ME!?]
[Beatrice: That’s because…… you were too unsightly. I couldn’t bear to look……]
[Subaru: Why…… why me!? If you wanted to save someone, why didn’t you save Petra….. or Frederica!? If we had your help, even if we didn’t fight, we could’ve just ran away……anything would have been better……!]
If they had Door Crossing to separate them from the outside world, they would have been able to stay beyond the reach of Elsa’s relentless pursuit. If used the correct way, there is no better ability specialized for escape. Whether it was Petra, who didn’t run away until it was too late, or Frederica, who stayed behind to cover their escape, or Rem, sound asleep in her bed――!
[Subaru: You could’ve saved all of them……! I’m weak, I’m stupid…… but you could have done it…… so why didn’t you……?]
[Beatrice: Why would Betty…… there was no reason for Betty to help those people you spoke of, I suppose. No reason that I know of. It was none of my business]
[Subaru: In that case……! You had no reason to save me either, did you!?]
Watching Beatrice reluctantly shaking her head at his plea, Subaru slammed the floor with his right arm that was still in the process of healing.
[Subaru: Why did you help me!? Why did you save me!? Was it all just on a whim? What made me any different from the rest of them!? Rem was always a good girl, there were things Frederica still wanted to do…… and Petra was still so small…… they were all far more worth saving than me! Didn’t their lives also have meaning…… have value!?]
[Beatrice: Value? Meaning? Why should Betty respect such conceited inventions, I suppose. Your arrogance is beyond intolerable, Human!]
[Subaru: Where the hell is the logic in that!? First you wouldn’t see me when I was looking all over for you, then you choose a critical time like this to show up! If you didn’t see any value in me or those girls…… you should’ve just kept minding your own business and stayed shut up in this room!!]
Why did she have to appear now, after everything was already too late?
She could have stayed hidden so that even Elsa couldn’t have detected her, but now, once Elsa realizes where Subaru had gone, Beatrice’s existence could very well have been exposed.
In that case, there was a chance that even this girl wouldn’t be able to escape the murderer’s blade. So why did she take such risks to let a half-dead Subaru in?
Why did she save him now, when he had already lost the will to live, and wanted only death?
[Subaru: I don’t care if you did this on a whim, but…… if you want to save me…… if you still have even a shred of desire to help me…… then kill me… now……]
[Beatrice: What…… are you saying, I suppose……]
[Subaru: NOW! ME! KILL ME NOW! Before everything is written down, before everything becomes irreversible! Kill me! KILL! KILL ME!]
Spewing up blood mixed with spit, clawing at the floor with both his maimed right hand and his remaining left hand, Subaru shrieked out his appeal.
Before his reason to live becomes entirely lost, before his inaction leads him to an unrecoverable future.
He shrieked for this useless, powerless, incompetent mass to be extinguished from this world.
But Beatrice did not accept his plea that was carried within the shrieking of his very soul.
She shook her head, and with a look confusion and displeasure emerging on her face,
[Beatrice: I don’t understand, I don’t understand at all. I can’t understand you Humans, I suppose. Why are you…… why would you say such a thing now, when you still have your life?]
[Subaru: You aren’t saving me by saving my life! Right now this life is nothing but agony! It shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be here…… If you’re saying you won’t save me……]
If he can’t depend on others, then he will just put an end to this miserable existence himself――
Seeing Subaru’s breath pause with this resolve, Beatrice let slip a small sound.
[Beatrice: ah]
And, as her voice entered his ears, without hesitation, Subaru stuck out his tongue, and,
[Subaru: ――――!]
Biting down with all his force, he committed to this suicidal act.
Excruciating pain. Pain of an entirely different magnitude from the pain of his right arm. No matter how much he experiences it, he can never develop tolerance to this. No matter how the injury was incurred, no matter which part of his body it came from, it was always new, excruciating, intolerable pain that he could never grow used to. Regardless of where or when, all pain is equal in that sense.
Blood pouring from his mouth, Subaru turned up the whites of his eyes and fainted on the spot.
Falling over, his eyes swam as his limbs began to spasm. Agonizing pain. Unable to breathe. His near-severed tongue lodged itself in his throat, suffocating him from within.
[Beatrice: ――what’re you doing!?]
It was not the kind of injury that resulted in immediate death. The acute, dull pain pulsated, shocking his brain in fits. His limbs shook uncontrollably as streams of bloody tears ran across his cheeks, conveying his unbearable agony. The half-severed tip of his tongue dangled from the edge of his lips, indicative of Subaru’s insufficient resolve at the final moment of his act to end his life.
Since coming to this Parallel World, this was the third time that Subaru had chosen to commit suicide.
The first was during the loop in the Mansion, when he killed himself with the resolve to bring back what was irretrievable.
The second was at the end of the loop that began within the Capital, where he killed himself when he realized that Rem’s existence had been wiped from this world. He had stabbed a knife into his throat, but nothing was changed.
And the third time he killed himself―― although he had no guarantee that he would be able to return, he simply could no longer endure living on in this world. It was too heavy, and too unreasonable a burden. And so, staking everything on this slightest hope, in order to retrieve what he had lost――
[Beatrice: ……no.. don’t leave me all alone……]
A trembling voice called to him from the world that was growing distant.
The voice grew further, and further, until it disappeared entirely――
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
――When he woke, the first thing that struck Subaru’s nostrils was the scent of dust.
[Subaru: huh……?]
Waiting for his consciousness to catch up, turning his neck with his eyes still closed, Subaru realized that he had awoken.
Lying sideways on the ground, feeling the coldness of the surface seeping into his body, it went without saying that the restart point was still inside the Tomb.
Then, sitting his body up, he opened his eyes to look over his dark surroundings. His vision, obscured by tears, was still unreliable so soon after waking, and could not make out what he was searching for.
Nevertheless, he was relieved to have returned from death once more. If the place he returned to was the Tomb, then the restart point hadn’t changed.
Inside the Tomb, the time would be immediately after Subaru passed the first Trial. Emilia would be collapsed at his side, and he should start by waking her up.
[Subaru: head, hurts……]
Rubbing himself between the brows, lightly shaking his head, Subaru’s mind worked to organize his current circumstances.
There were already countless things for him to consider without the events of the previous loop added on top. Still, he hadn’t found a single solution. Even the light he was supposed to have seen now felt like a moth lamp luring him into another trap.
As though circumventing one pitfall had only led him to another.
[Subaru: It’s like that free gift you get from that shady fellow on Kenzan……]
“Deadly” would be an appropriate description here.
The Sanctuary and the Trials. His relationship with Garfiel. The attack on the Mansion. The inexplicable disappearance of the grace period, his vengeance against Elsa―― and how to save Rem and the others.
They were all problems that would turn his brain to mush, but he was already fortunate enough to have been granted the chance to continue worrying over them.
Otherwise, it could have all ended there, and he was not entirely without some sense of resignation to that possibility. But as long as that much can be overcome, he will be able to save everything――
[Subaru: It’ll be painful to have to pretend not knowing anything in front of Emilia again, but――]
Mumbling this, Subaru felt his hazy vision beginning to clear. Snorting the dust out of his nose, he decided he should first look for Emilia.
With that thought, he lifted his right hand to his forehead like a visor, when he finally noticed it.
――His right hand was missing three of its fingers.
[Subaru: N――!? Aah!?]
Seeing the wound that should not be there, the scars that could not possibly be carried over, Subaru’s throat groaned in shock. Struck by the fact that he had taken a far too optimistic view of the world, he cast his trembling eyes over his surroundings.
Cold floor, dry stone walls. The smell of mold. The space that Subaru had hoped for was the Tomb. But the reality in front of his eyes was a corner of the Library lined with packed-full bookshelves, a room drifting with the unique fragrance of vellum enduring the passage of time,
[Subaru: The Forbidden Library…… how, d..….]
Inexplicably, his physical body was still in the place he should already have bid farewell to. His thoughts turning to the worst, Subaru began checking over his body.
The worst possibility―― was that the moment he set foot into the Forbidden Library, the checkpoint of the world had been set.
Unable to hide his consternation, Subaru stared at the right arm he was holding up to his face. Three fingers were missing, and a third of its width was lost. However, the wounds of the arm had already been sealed, and the contorted, discolored flesh was in the process of regeneration.
His waist and right shoulder that had been pierced by darts showed no apparent injuries, and there was only an intermittent sense of discomfort and a strained sensation on his skin.
At the very least, this could not have been the moment he stepped into the Forbidden Library. Then, by the process of elimination, there could only be one possibility.
[Beatrice: ――You’re finally awake, I suppose]
For Subaru, who had realized that fact, this was the voice he least wanted to hear.
That careless attitude, that bored-with-the-world intonation, obviously worried but trying her hardest to suppress it, that voice in soprano that was deep down desiring some connection.
Without moving from his seat on the floor, Subaru turned his head.
Even now, he did not abandon the faint hope that he would see the silver-haired girl behind him. But instead, shattering that fantasy, was a young girl in a dress, seated on a wooden stepladder.
Appearing no different than before he lost consciousness, it was Beatrice, looking down at Subaru, holding a book in her hands.
Seeing an inadvertent sigh leaking from Subaru’s mouth, she slammed her book shut, and slowly stepped down from her stepladder,
[Beatrice: All because of your stupid actions, I had to really struggle, you know. The injuries on your arm, shoulder, hip, and tongue should all be healed now. There shouldn’t be any discomfort]
[Subaru: …………]
[Beatrice: You just picked up your life and you have nothing to say, I suppose? Well, hopefully this taught you a lesson to not do anything stupid anymore……]
[Subaru: you…… do you have any idea what you’ve done?]
[Beatrice: w……?]
Saying these as if asking to be thanked, Beatrice approached the silent Subaru only to be met by these wrenched out words. And, the moment her face frowned up,
[Subaru: ――――!]
Subaru suddenly stood up from the ground, and, shooting out his left arm, he grabbed Beatrice by her extravagant dress. [Ah!], her mouth opened in surprise as he pulled her close, bringing her face up against his,
[Subaru: ――WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU TO SAVE ME!!??]
[Beatrice:――――a]
[Subaru: Do you realize what you’ve done!? Because of you, it was all for nothing! Everything, everything that I could have fixed is put at risk because of you! Why didn’t you just let me die!? I’m still alive, but what good is that…… WHAT GOOD IS THAT!? WHAT!?]
By acting without regard for his life, Subaru should have earned the right to start over.
But he was held back by the girl in front of him, and his wish was not granted. And all that remained to Subaru now was an indescribable sense of loss and endless rage directed towards Beatrice.
[Subaru: Saving me on a whim, healing my injuries…… are you satisfied now? You want me to thank you? Ah, yeah, thank you! Thank you for saving my life! Even though everything else is already lost, at least MY LIFE’S BEEN SAVED!]
[Beatrice: B-Betty was only…… only……]
[Subaru: You came for me at the very last moment, how can I thank you enough!? Of course, as usual, there you are looking down on me with that carefree expression like there’s not a hurry in the world. You’re good at it, aren’t you? You like that, don’t you? Looking down and sneering at the little Human beings and―― a]
Reaching the extreme limits of hatred, his face contorted with a grotesque smile, Subaru pulled Beatrice close and showered these insults upon her. With this heartless act, he tried to bury all his dejection, disappointment and loss. And yet, his words abruptly ended――
[Beatrice: ――kh]
[Subaru: Ah……]
――When he saw large droplets of tears falling from the eyes of the girl he was holding up-close.
Seeing them, the blood that was rushing to his head instantly fell, and the ugly vindictiveness he had just let slip now became more terrifying than he could bear.
With the unraveling of his spite, his fingers loosened from Beatrice’s body. Suddenly freed from his grasp, the young girl’s body leaned backwards into the bookshelf behind her, and dropped to her knees.
A fierce nausea rose up in his chest. Becoming aware of what he had just done, he could not stand the hideousness of his own heart.
Ugly. Twisted. What was it except lashing out? To Beatrice, who knew nothing about his “Return by Death”, she was merely healing his wounds when he was on the verge of death. Instead of thanking the person who had saved his life, he had abused her for no reason at all.
He understood this logically. But his emotions did not accept it. Tossed around from within by the two polar extremes of his heart, searching for something to say, he lifted his eyes towards the fallen Beatrice,
[Subaru: No…… I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…… it wasn’t… your fault……]
If it was anyone’s fault, it was undoubtedly Subaru’s.
Knowing what would happen, without doing anything to guard against it, he had walked directly into the tiger’s den and stepped on its tail. Once again, it was those around him who paid the price. And now, to blame everyone but himself ――was beyond the limits of Pride.
Emotionally, he wanted to blame everything on this uninformed girl. And he still couldn’t swallow his emotions of the fact that she had hidden herself from him only to show up in that instant.
Nevertheless, they could do nothing to pardon him for the reproaches he shouted at that girl.
[Subaru: I’m sorry. My wounds… thank you for healing them. But now, I must……]
At least, he should go somewhere away from her, and choose a different place to kill himself.
There was no longer any reason for Subaru to continue on in this world. Too much had been lost. And Subaru was not strong enough to live in a world without what he couldn’t bear to lose.
So, with these concise words of gratitude, Subaru averted his eyes and prepared to leave the Forbidden Library――
[Subaru: ――――]
――When he noticed, dropped at the collapsed Beatrice’s side, there was a tome bound all in black.
Plain cover. Thick structure. It was the size of a large dictionary, and appeared heavy enough to be unwieldy. In any case, there was a certain familiarity that Subaru could not pull his eyes away from.
Why here, why is it here now?
[Subaru: The Gospel… is in the dragon carriage…… it shouldn’t…. be here in the Library……]
The Witch Cult’s Gospel that once belonged to Petelgeuse, taken from him after his death, was now in Subaru’s possession. But, having decided that it was not a book that belonged in a Library, he had kept it himself while taking extreme cautions of the unknown functions it may have served. So how could it be here?
Shaking his head at the incomprehensible situation, Subaru reached out his hand to the Gospel that had dropped on the floor, hoping that checking its contents so could dispel this unease. But,
[Beatrice: ――No!]
Before Subaru’s hand could reach it, the Gospel was snatched away.
Messing up the hems of her dress, with panting breaths, Beatrice clasped the Gospel in her arms as she backed away from Subaru. Keeping distance between them, holding back her sobs, she looked down towards the Gospel in her arms, and appeared to breathe a sigh of relief as she traced her fingers over its covers.
Seeing that gesture as though she was caressing something dear, and ominous dread crept up in Subaru’s heart,
[Subaru: Why are you… treating that thing like it’s something important to you?]
[Beatrice: .………]
[Subaru: That’s the book those Witch Cultists have…… isn’t it? It’s isn’t, is it? It just looks really similar, but they’re completely different things, right? You just didn’t want me to misunderstand, and that’s why you backed away from me, right? Yeah, I know I have a bad habit of jumping to conclusions, and I can get really stubborn when ideas get stuck in my head, and I said mean things to you and my eyes are scary-looking and my personality is all twisted but……]
[Beatrice: …………]
[Subaru: Hey―― you’ll deny it, won’t you?]
While Subaru rambled on and on, trying to make excuses on her behalf, Beatrice only kept her silence. Until, he could only beg.
Seeing him this way, Beatrice let slip a small sigh, and held out the book in her hands so that Subaru could see it,
[Beatrice: It’s exactly as you imagined. ……This is a Gospel. As you said, it is the same as the ones in the Witch Cultists’ possession. The guide to happiness. The foundation of life. And the only, singular truth, I suppose]
[Subaru: W-Why…… do you have it? Do they sell it somewhere? A L-LUCKY ITEM that tells your future or something? Some kind of real-life walkthrough that totally breaks the game balance or……ahh, come on]
[Beatrice: ……Betty… hasn’t been instructed to answer that question, I suppose]
To Subaru’s trembling voice, Beatrice flipped quickly through the pages and gave him this cold reply. Seeing the girl’s eyes focused on the contents of her book, Subaru felt a numbness encroaching on his tongue,
[Subaru: You won’t do anything… unless the book tells you to?]
[Beatrice: That question was not written in the book]
[Subaru: What about healing my wounds? And sheltering me in the Forbidden Library when I was going to be killed?]
[Beatrice: Those questions were not written in the book, I suppose]
[Subaru: And what about talking with me just now? And saving me… when I was trying to die……?]
[Beatrice: ――I don’t know]
Casting down her eyes, Beatrice only returned this emotionless reply.
To see her like a doll, devoid of all emotions, Subaru’s lungs convulsed in horror. With light flickering in his eyes such that he forgot how to breathe, he shouted at the top of his voice,
[Subaru: SO YOU CAN’T DO A SINGLE THING UNLESS THE BOOK TELLS YOU SO!?]
[Beatrice: ……Yes, I suppose. That is so. Everything of everything is in accordance with the Gospel’s guidance. That is the meaning of Betty’s life, and the purpose for which Betty exists]
[Subaru: So……helping me was just written in that book as well!? Saving me when I was dying from the Mabeasts in the forest! And saving me when my heart was worn to its core! Our jokes, our arguments, all that time we had fun playing around like idiots…… none of it was your free will…… IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME?]
[Beatrice: That’s…… THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU, I SUPPOSE!!]
Covering over the last part of Subaru’s scathing words, Beatrice shouted back, her face flushing in anger. Taking one step forward, she pointed a single finger at Subaru,
[Beatrice: Everything that Betty has done, and seen, and said up to now is written in here, I suppose. You…… something like you will never move Betty’s heart. There should be a limit to your arrogance I suppose, Human]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Beatrice: Betty will do what is expected of Betty, and fulfill the meaning of my existence. This life, this span of time, and all that I have sacrificed is for this purpose…… AND I WILL NOT DENY IT FOR THE LIKES OF YOU……!!]
[Subaru: Bea……]
Emotions flooded from Beatrice like a broken dam. And although he tried to speak in that instant, he was silenced by an abrupt, overwhelming pressure from the front.
Feeling the sensation of being forced back by a wind, unable to resist, Subaru realized that his body was being pushed towards the door. ――And, just like that, he was flung off of his feet.
[Subaru: Sto…… Beatrice!]
[Beatrice: Betty’s everything is for Mother! And Mother is the only one Betty needs! I don’t care about you…… I don’t care……]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Beatrice: I don’t care. I hate you. I hate you. ――I HATE YOU!]
Shaking her head and hiding the tears streaming down her cheeks, the girl screamed to Subaru as he was flung through the air.
The door opened. The space of the Forbidden Library was driving Subaru out. Before he passed through the door, he clasped onto the doorframe with his right hand. But, with less than three fingers, it was not nearly enough. Only his index finger held on, but even that only gave him a few seconds of respite.
Lifting his face, Subaru tried to shout to the crying girl――
[Subaru: Beatri――!]
[Beatrice: ……u-sama]*
Drowned out by her quiet voice, Subaru’s call did not reach her.
Blown away. Wiped out. Space distorted as Subaru’s physical body was expelled into a place that shouldn’t exist.
[Beatrice:――――]
The door thundered shut, the gushing wind halted with the sound, and silence descended on the Library once more.
The girl who was left alone, with an expression as if holding back her sobs, slowly walked into the depths of the room―― stepping onto her usual stepladder and quietly sitting down, she hugged her knees and opened the Gospel with her trembling fingertips. Then,
[Beatrice: Why…… couldn’t Betty… ever……]
In front of the wordless blank pages, only her sobs resounded pointlessly throughout the silence of the room.
-=Chapter 35 End=-
Enclosed on all sides, the room was filled with the choking scent of old books.
Stepping through the opened door, stricken by this sight and smell, Subaru’s mouth gaped open wordlessly as he realized, half a second too late, that he had stepped onto a floor that did not belong to the place he was hoping for―
――and that this delay in his awareness proved fatal.
[Subaru: The Forbidden Library!?]
He had reached the place which he couldn’t find while searching all throughout the Mansion. The undesired timing and the unforeseen opportunity created a vacuum in Subaru’s heart, robbing him of the time before the door slammed shut behind him.
[Subaru: ――!]
As though shoved forth by a wind from the outside, Subaru’s body was sucked into the Library. With the same momentum, the door clamped shut, sending a small breeze tickling the back of Subaru’s neck.
Turning around at the violent sound, confirming that the room had been separated from the hallway, he understood.
Why the Forbidden Library opened to him here, and why it had shut its doors.
[Subaru: O-Open it――!!]
Reaching for the doorknob, he noticed the state of his right arm and reached out the left one as well. His blood-drenched fingers wrenched violently at the knob, sending loud clatters into the air, but although the knob was turning, it conveyed none of his intentions to the door. The screech of the knob’s futile rotation only served to compound Subaru’s agitation.
[Beatrice: ――No matter how much you struggle to get out, it’s no use, you know]
A voice flew to Subaru’s ears from behind while he was desperately wrestling with the door.
Swinging around, and leaning his back against the door flap――he saw the girl in the depths of the Library, staring directly at him with a cold and indifferent gaze.
Long, cream-colored curls and an extravagant dress. A small body, and cute, yet peevish features. She was every bit the same girl that Subaru knew.
[Subaru: Beatrice……]
[Beatrice: You look quite terrible, I suppose. You’ll dirty the Library’s floor, so don’t move around so much……]
[Subaru: Open the door! NOW! LET ME OUT, NOW!!]
Seeing her coldly staring at his wounds, Subaru screamed, ignoring everything Beatrice said. Not hearing her instruction to “stop bleeding everywhere”, Subaru flailed his wretched, profusely bleeding right arm,
[Subaru: Why, why did you show up now!? Why! WHY NOW!? LET ME GO BACK! HURRY! NOW! RIGHT NOW!!]
[Beatrice: ……And what will you do once you go back, I suppose? Even if you go back with these unsightly wounds, Betty has no idea what you could possibly do]
[Subaru: I know better than anyone that I can’t do anything!! But it doesn’t matter!!]
He did not want to go back in order to face Elsa, but to enter the room where he was supposed to be, to go to that sleeping girl’s side, and――
[Subaru: If I’m in the Library, and Door Crossing is lifted…… then that murderer would, the room……]
When she realizes that Subaru had vanished, that lunatic would probably find herself tilting her head. Before searching the Mansion for the disappeared Subaru, she would find the lonely girl sleeping inside. What that wanton murderer would do when she finds her, defenseless in her sleep―― did not warrant a second thought.
[Subaru: THAT’S WHY――!]
[Beatrice: It’s already too late, you know]
Subaru, roaring at the top of his lungs as if to shake off this surging apprehension, was instantly washed over by Beatrice’s abrupt and poignant whisper.
Seeing her cast down her eyes and shake her head, for a moment, Subaru froze. His brain chewed over the meaning of her words, and his thoughts came to a halt.
――What did this girl say just now?
[Subaru: Too late…… what do you…… mean?]
[Beatrice: The reason why you think you want to go back to that room… is already gone, I suppose]
[Subaru: ――――]
In front of Subaru’s disjointed question, Beatrice gave this dispassionate reply.
His throat choked up, his eyes opened to their limits, and, by the time he realized it, he had fallen to his knees. His shoulders dropped, his head faced downwards, and a terrible ring echoed within his skull.
Pain, pain, the forgotten pain revived as noise eroded Subaru’s consciousness. It would be alright if only everything could be drowned in that noise and be swept away, he honestly thought. He didn’t want to understand any of it. He didn’t want to realize it. Nonetheless,
[Beatrice: Your wounds, let me see them, I suppose. They’re too miserable, I can’t stand looking at them]
Walking up to Subaru, who had collapsed onto the floor, Beatrice folded her knees and looked over the wounds on his right arm, left waist and right shoulder, casting him a frown of reproach. A faint light covered over her hand, which she pressed against his most severely wounded right arm ――replacing the heat of pain, something of an itch coursed through his arm. And, along with the sound of splashing water, the fabric of his flesh began to mend.
The bleeding stopped, and slowly, and slowly, answering to the light, a membrane spread over the open wound as the sheared off area was repopulated with cells spurring to recovery. Although,
[Beatrice: It will take time to return to its original width, and your missing fingers won’t be coming back, I suppose. ……The wounds on your hip and shoulder―]
[Subaru: ……what the hell are you doing]
A voice devoid of emotion leaked from Subaru’s lips.
Intent on healing his wounds, Beatrice furrowed her brows and held out her palm, emanating with healing energy, in front of Subaru’s eyes,
[Beatrice: I don’t like this either. But I have no choice, so I’m treating your wounds. Betty is the only one in the Mansion who can heal such extensive wounds, I suppose. You should thank me you know]
[Subaru: heal…… my wounds……? what for……?]
[Beatrice: These wounds would be life-threatening if left alone, I suppose. And though I don’t particularly care whether you live or die, I would rather you not die here]
Closing one eye, perhaps disregarding Subaru’s words as delirium from his injuries, Beatrice uttered this cold reply as she prepared to continue healing. But,
[Subaru: ――――gh]
[Beatrice: Ah]
Sensing the healing waves burying away his wounds, Subaru swung his injured arm aside, prompting a small sound of surprise from Beatrice.
He taxed his trembling knees and rolled onto his side, painting large swathes of the Forbidden Library’s floor in red as he distanced himself from her, all the while keeping his ghastly stare fixed upon her face.
Panting with ragged breaths, his frantic movements dislodged the darts buried in his hip. Shrill clatters rang out as they landed on the floor, followed by the sound of free-flowing liquid that was blood flowing from his wounds. Streaming down his thighs, and spreading out from his knees, it flooded over the floor in a river of blood.
Beatrice’s breath stopped at this sight, while Subaru bared his teeth,
[Subaru: I don’t need any healing……! IF YOU DON’T CARE WHETHER I LIVE OR DIE…… WHY DID YOU BOTHER SAVING ME!?]
[Beatrice: That’s because…… you were too unsightly. I couldn’t bear to look……]
[Subaru: Why…… why me!? If you wanted to save someone, why didn’t you save Petra….. or Frederica!? If we had your help, even if we didn’t fight, we could’ve just ran away……anything would have been better……!]
If they had Door Crossing to separate them from the outside world, they would have been able to stay beyond the reach of Elsa’s relentless pursuit. If used the correct way, there is no better ability specialized for escape. Whether it was Petra, who didn’t run away until it was too late, or Frederica, who stayed behind to cover their escape, or Rem, sound asleep in her bed――!
[Subaru: You could’ve saved all of them……! I’m weak, I’m stupid…… but you could have done it…… so why didn’t you……?]
[Beatrice: Why would Betty…… there was no reason for Betty to help those people you spoke of, I suppose. No reason that I know of. It was none of my business]
[Subaru: In that case……! You had no reason to save me either, did you!?]
Watching Beatrice reluctantly shaking her head at his plea, Subaru slammed the floor with his right arm that was still in the process of healing.
[Subaru: Why did you help me!? Why did you save me!? Was it all just on a whim? What made me any different from the rest of them!? Rem was always a good girl, there were things Frederica still wanted to do…… and Petra was still so small…… they were all far more worth saving than me! Didn’t their lives also have meaning…… have value!?]
[Beatrice: Value? Meaning? Why should Betty respect such conceited inventions, I suppose. Your arrogance is beyond intolerable, Human!]
[Subaru: Where the hell is the logic in that!? First you wouldn’t see me when I was looking all over for you, then you choose a critical time like this to show up! If you didn’t see any value in me or those girls…… you should’ve just kept minding your own business and stayed shut up in this room!!]
Why did she have to appear now, after everything was already too late?
She could have stayed hidden so that even Elsa couldn’t have detected her, but now, once Elsa realizes where Subaru had gone, Beatrice’s existence could very well have been exposed.
In that case, there was a chance that even this girl wouldn’t be able to escape the murderer’s blade. So why did she take such risks to let a half-dead Subaru in?
Why did she save him now, when he had already lost the will to live, and wanted only death?
[Subaru: I don’t care if you did this on a whim, but…… if you want to save me…… if you still have even a shred of desire to help me…… then kill me… now……]
[Beatrice: What…… are you saying, I suppose……]
[Subaru: NOW! ME! KILL ME NOW! Before everything is written down, before everything becomes irreversible! Kill me! KILL! KILL ME!]
Spewing up blood mixed with spit, clawing at the floor with both his maimed right hand and his remaining left hand, Subaru shrieked out his appeal.
Before his reason to live becomes entirely lost, before his inaction leads him to an unrecoverable future.
He shrieked for this useless, powerless, incompetent mass to be extinguished from this world.
But Beatrice did not accept his plea that was carried within the shrieking of his very soul.
She shook her head, and with a look confusion and displeasure emerging on her face,
[Beatrice: I don’t understand, I don’t understand at all. I can’t understand you Humans, I suppose. Why are you…… why would you say such a thing now, when you still have your life?]
[Subaru: You aren’t saving me by saving my life! Right now this life is nothing but agony! It shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be here…… If you’re saying you won’t save me……]
If he can’t depend on others, then he will just put an end to this miserable existence himself――
Seeing Subaru’s breath pause with this resolve, Beatrice let slip a small sound.
[Beatrice: ah]
And, as her voice entered his ears, without hesitation, Subaru stuck out his tongue, and,
[Subaru: ――――!]
Biting down with all his force, he committed to this suicidal act.
Excruciating pain. Pain of an entirely different magnitude from the pain of his right arm. No matter how much he experiences it, he can never develop tolerance to this. No matter how the injury was incurred, no matter which part of his body it came from, it was always new, excruciating, intolerable pain that he could never grow used to. Regardless of where or when, all pain is equal in that sense.
Blood pouring from his mouth, Subaru turned up the whites of his eyes and fainted on the spot.
Falling over, his eyes swam as his limbs began to spasm. Agonizing pain. Unable to breathe. His near-severed tongue lodged itself in his throat, suffocating him from within.
[Beatrice: ――what’re you doing!?]
It was not the kind of injury that resulted in immediate death. The acute, dull pain pulsated, shocking his brain in fits. His limbs shook uncontrollably as streams of bloody tears ran across his cheeks, conveying his unbearable agony. The half-severed tip of his tongue dangled from the edge of his lips, indicative of Subaru’s insufficient resolve at the final moment of his act to end his life.
Since coming to this Parallel World, this was the third time that Subaru had chosen to commit suicide.
The first was during the loop in the Mansion, when he killed himself with the resolve to bring back what was irretrievable.
The second was at the end of the loop that began within the Capital, where he killed himself when he realized that Rem’s existence had been wiped from this world. He had stabbed a knife into his throat, but nothing was changed.
And the third time he killed himself―― although he had no guarantee that he would be able to return, he simply could no longer endure living on in this world. It was too heavy, and too unreasonable a burden. And so, staking everything on this slightest hope, in order to retrieve what he had lost――
[Beatrice: ……no.. don’t leave me all alone……]
A trembling voice called to him from the world that was growing distant.
The voice grew further, and further, until it disappeared entirely――
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
――When he woke, the first thing that struck Subaru’s nostrils was the scent of dust.
[Subaru: huh……?]
Waiting for his consciousness to catch up, turning his neck with his eyes still closed, Subaru realized that he had awoken.
Lying sideways on the ground, feeling the coldness of the surface seeping into his body, it went without saying that the restart point was still inside the Tomb.
Then, sitting his body up, he opened his eyes to look over his dark surroundings. His vision, obscured by tears, was still unreliable so soon after waking, and could not make out what he was searching for.
Nevertheless, he was relieved to have returned from death once more. If the place he returned to was the Tomb, then the restart point hadn’t changed.
Inside the Tomb, the time would be immediately after Subaru passed the first Trial. Emilia would be collapsed at his side, and he should start by waking her up.
[Subaru: head, hurts……]
Rubbing himself between the brows, lightly shaking his head, Subaru’s mind worked to organize his current circumstances.
There were already countless things for him to consider without the events of the previous loop added on top. Still, he hadn’t found a single solution. Even the light he was supposed to have seen now felt like a moth lamp luring him into another trap.
As though circumventing one pitfall had only led him to another.
[Subaru: It’s like that free gift you get from that shady fellow on Kenzan……]
“Deadly” would be an appropriate description here.
The Sanctuary and the Trials. His relationship with Garfiel. The attack on the Mansion. The inexplicable disappearance of the grace period, his vengeance against Elsa―― and how to save Rem and the others.
They were all problems that would turn his brain to mush, but he was already fortunate enough to have been granted the chance to continue worrying over them.
Otherwise, it could have all ended there, and he was not entirely without some sense of resignation to that possibility. But as long as that much can be overcome, he will be able to save everything――
[Subaru: It’ll be painful to have to pretend not knowing anything in front of Emilia again, but――]
Mumbling this, Subaru felt his hazy vision beginning to clear. Snorting the dust out of his nose, he decided he should first look for Emilia.
With that thought, he lifted his right hand to his forehead like a visor, when he finally noticed it.
――His right hand was missing three of its fingers.
[Subaru: N――!? Aah!?]
Seeing the wound that should not be there, the scars that could not possibly be carried over, Subaru’s throat groaned in shock. Struck by the fact that he had taken a far too optimistic view of the world, he cast his trembling eyes over his surroundings.
Cold floor, dry stone walls. The smell of mold. The space that Subaru had hoped for was the Tomb. But the reality in front of his eyes was a corner of the Library lined with packed-full bookshelves, a room drifting with the unique fragrance of vellum enduring the passage of time,
[Subaru: The Forbidden Library…… how, d..….]
Inexplicably, his physical body was still in the place he should already have bid farewell to. His thoughts turning to the worst, Subaru began checking over his body.
The worst possibility―― was that the moment he set foot into the Forbidden Library, the checkpoint of the world had been set.
Unable to hide his consternation, Subaru stared at the right arm he was holding up to his face. Three fingers were missing, and a third of its width was lost. However, the wounds of the arm had already been sealed, and the contorted, discolored flesh was in the process of regeneration.
His waist and right shoulder that had been pierced by darts showed no apparent injuries, and there was only an intermittent sense of discomfort and a strained sensation on his skin.
At the very least, this could not have been the moment he stepped into the Forbidden Library. Then, by the process of elimination, there could only be one possibility.
[Beatrice: ――You’re finally awake, I suppose]
For Subaru, who had realized that fact, this was the voice he least wanted to hear.
That careless attitude, that bored-with-the-world intonation, obviously worried but trying her hardest to suppress it, that voice in soprano that was deep down desiring some connection.
Without moving from his seat on the floor, Subaru turned his head.
Even now, he did not abandon the faint hope that he would see the silver-haired girl behind him. But instead, shattering that fantasy, was a young girl in a dress, seated on a wooden stepladder.
Appearing no different than before he lost consciousness, it was Beatrice, looking down at Subaru, holding a book in her hands.
Seeing an inadvertent sigh leaking from Subaru’s mouth, she slammed her book shut, and slowly stepped down from her stepladder,
[Beatrice: All because of your stupid actions, I had to really struggle, you know. The injuries on your arm, shoulder, hip, and tongue should all be healed now. There shouldn’t be any discomfort]
[Subaru: …………]
[Beatrice: You just picked up your life and you have nothing to say, I suppose? Well, hopefully this taught you a lesson to not do anything stupid anymore……]
[Subaru: you…… do you have any idea what you’ve done?]
[Beatrice: w……?]
Saying these as if asking to be thanked, Beatrice approached the silent Subaru only to be met by these wrenched out words. And, the moment her face frowned up,
[Subaru: ――――!]
Subaru suddenly stood up from the ground, and, shooting out his left arm, he grabbed Beatrice by her extravagant dress. [Ah!], her mouth opened in surprise as he pulled her close, bringing her face up against his,
[Subaru: ――WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU TO SAVE ME!!??]
[Beatrice:――――a]
[Subaru: Do you realize what you’ve done!? Because of you, it was all for nothing! Everything, everything that I could have fixed is put at risk because of you! Why didn’t you just let me die!? I’m still alive, but what good is that…… WHAT GOOD IS THAT!? WHAT!?]
By acting without regard for his life, Subaru should have earned the right to start over.
But he was held back by the girl in front of him, and his wish was not granted. And all that remained to Subaru now was an indescribable sense of loss and endless rage directed towards Beatrice.
[Subaru: Saving me on a whim, healing my injuries…… are you satisfied now? You want me to thank you? Ah, yeah, thank you! Thank you for saving my life! Even though everything else is already lost, at least MY LIFE’S BEEN SAVED!]
[Beatrice: B-Betty was only…… only……]
[Subaru: You came for me at the very last moment, how can I thank you enough!? Of course, as usual, there you are looking down on me with that carefree expression like there’s not a hurry in the world. You’re good at it, aren’t you? You like that, don’t you? Looking down and sneering at the little Human beings and―― a]
Reaching the extreme limits of hatred, his face contorted with a grotesque smile, Subaru pulled Beatrice close and showered these insults upon her. With this heartless act, he tried to bury all his dejection, disappointment and loss. And yet, his words abruptly ended――
[Beatrice: ――kh]
[Subaru: Ah……]
――When he saw large droplets of tears falling from the eyes of the girl he was holding up-close.
Seeing them, the blood that was rushing to his head instantly fell, and the ugly vindictiveness he had just let slip now became more terrifying than he could bear.
With the unraveling of his spite, his fingers loosened from Beatrice’s body. Suddenly freed from his grasp, the young girl’s body leaned backwards into the bookshelf behind her, and dropped to her knees.
A fierce nausea rose up in his chest. Becoming aware of what he had just done, he could not stand the hideousness of his own heart.
Ugly. Twisted. What was it except lashing out? To Beatrice, who knew nothing about his “Return by Death”, she was merely healing his wounds when he was on the verge of death. Instead of thanking the person who had saved his life, he had abused her for no reason at all.
He understood this logically. But his emotions did not accept it. Tossed around from within by the two polar extremes of his heart, searching for something to say, he lifted his eyes towards the fallen Beatrice,
[Subaru: No…… I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…… it wasn’t… your fault……]
If it was anyone’s fault, it was undoubtedly Subaru’s.
Knowing what would happen, without doing anything to guard against it, he had walked directly into the tiger’s den and stepped on its tail. Once again, it was those around him who paid the price. And now, to blame everyone but himself ――was beyond the limits of Pride.
Emotionally, he wanted to blame everything on this uninformed girl. And he still couldn’t swallow his emotions of the fact that she had hidden herself from him only to show up in that instant.
Nevertheless, they could do nothing to pardon him for the reproaches he shouted at that girl.
[Subaru: I’m sorry. My wounds… thank you for healing them. But now, I must……]
At least, he should go somewhere away from her, and choose a different place to kill himself.
There was no longer any reason for Subaru to continue on in this world. Too much had been lost. And Subaru was not strong enough to live in a world without what he couldn’t bear to lose.
So, with these concise words of gratitude, Subaru averted his eyes and prepared to leave the Forbidden Library――
[Subaru: ――――]
――When he noticed, dropped at the collapsed Beatrice’s side, there was a tome bound all in black.
Plain cover. Thick structure. It was the size of a large dictionary, and appeared heavy enough to be unwieldy. In any case, there was a certain familiarity that Subaru could not pull his eyes away from.
Why here, why is it here now?
[Subaru: The Gospel… is in the dragon carriage…… it shouldn’t…. be here in the Library……]
The Witch Cult’s Gospel that once belonged to Petelgeuse, taken from him after his death, was now in Subaru’s possession. But, having decided that it was not a book that belonged in a Library, he had kept it himself while taking extreme cautions of the unknown functions it may have served. So how could it be here?
Shaking his head at the incomprehensible situation, Subaru reached out his hand to the Gospel that had dropped on the floor, hoping that checking its contents so could dispel this unease. But,
[Beatrice: ――No!]
Before Subaru’s hand could reach it, the Gospel was snatched away.
Messing up the hems of her dress, with panting breaths, Beatrice clasped the Gospel in her arms as she backed away from Subaru. Keeping distance between them, holding back her sobs, she looked down towards the Gospel in her arms, and appeared to breathe a sigh of relief as she traced her fingers over its covers.
Seeing that gesture as though she was caressing something dear, and ominous dread crept up in Subaru’s heart,
[Subaru: Why are you… treating that thing like it’s something important to you?]
[Beatrice: .………]
[Subaru: That’s the book those Witch Cultists have…… isn’t it? It’s isn’t, is it? It just looks really similar, but they’re completely different things, right? You just didn’t want me to misunderstand, and that’s why you backed away from me, right? Yeah, I know I have a bad habit of jumping to conclusions, and I can get really stubborn when ideas get stuck in my head, and I said mean things to you and my eyes are scary-looking and my personality is all twisted but……]
[Beatrice: …………]
[Subaru: Hey―― you’ll deny it, won’t you?]
While Subaru rambled on and on, trying to make excuses on her behalf, Beatrice only kept her silence. Until, he could only beg.
Seeing him this way, Beatrice let slip a small sigh, and held out the book in her hands so that Subaru could see it,
[Beatrice: It’s exactly as you imagined. ……This is a Gospel. As you said, it is the same as the ones in the Witch Cultists’ possession. The guide to happiness. The foundation of life. And the only, singular truth, I suppose]
[Subaru: W-Why…… do you have it? Do they sell it somewhere? A L-LUCKY ITEM that tells your future or something? Some kind of real-life walkthrough that totally breaks the game balance or……ahh, come on]
[Beatrice: ……Betty… hasn’t been instructed to answer that question, I suppose]
To Subaru’s trembling voice, Beatrice flipped quickly through the pages and gave him this cold reply. Seeing the girl’s eyes focused on the contents of her book, Subaru felt a numbness encroaching on his tongue,
[Subaru: You won’t do anything… unless the book tells you to?]
[Beatrice: That question was not written in the book]
[Subaru: What about healing my wounds? And sheltering me in the Forbidden Library when I was going to be killed?]
[Beatrice: Those questions were not written in the book, I suppose]
[Subaru: And what about talking with me just now? And saving me… when I was trying to die……?]
[Beatrice: ――I don’t know]
Casting down her eyes, Beatrice only returned this emotionless reply.
To see her like a doll, devoid of all emotions, Subaru’s lungs convulsed in horror. With light flickering in his eyes such that he forgot how to breathe, he shouted at the top of his voice,
[Subaru: SO YOU CAN’T DO A SINGLE THING UNLESS THE BOOK TELLS YOU SO!?]
[Beatrice: ……Yes, I suppose. That is so. Everything of everything is in accordance with the Gospel’s guidance. That is the meaning of Betty’s life, and the purpose for which Betty exists]
[Subaru: So……helping me was just written in that book as well!? Saving me when I was dying from the Mabeasts in the forest! And saving me when my heart was worn to its core! Our jokes, our arguments, all that time we had fun playing around like idiots…… none of it was your free will…… IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME?]
[Beatrice: That’s…… THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU, I SUPPOSE!!]
Covering over the last part of Subaru’s scathing words, Beatrice shouted back, her face flushing in anger. Taking one step forward, she pointed a single finger at Subaru,
[Beatrice: Everything that Betty has done, and seen, and said up to now is written in here, I suppose. You…… something like you will never move Betty’s heart. There should be a limit to your arrogance I suppose, Human]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Beatrice: Betty will do what is expected of Betty, and fulfill the meaning of my existence. This life, this span of time, and all that I have sacrificed is for this purpose…… AND I WILL NOT DENY IT FOR THE LIKES OF YOU……!!]
[Subaru: Bea……]
Emotions flooded from Beatrice like a broken dam. And although he tried to speak in that instant, he was silenced by an abrupt, overwhelming pressure from the front.
Feeling the sensation of being forced back by a wind, unable to resist, Subaru realized that his body was being pushed towards the door. ――And, just like that, he was flung off of his feet.
[Subaru: Sto…… Beatrice!]
[Beatrice: Betty’s everything is for Mother! And Mother is the only one Betty needs! I don’t care about you…… I don’t care……]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Beatrice: I don’t care. I hate you. I hate you. ――I HATE YOU!]
Shaking her head and hiding the tears streaming down her cheeks, the girl screamed to Subaru as he was flung through the air.
The door opened. The space of the Forbidden Library was driving Subaru out. Before he passed through the door, he clasped onto the doorframe with his right hand. But, with less than three fingers, it was not nearly enough. Only his index finger held on, but even that only gave him a few seconds of respite.
Lifting his face, Subaru tried to shout to the crying girl――
[Subaru: Beatri――!]
[Beatrice: ……u-sama]*
Drowned out by her quiet voice, Subaru’s call did not reach her.
Blown away. Wiped out. Space distorted as Subaru’s physical body was expelled into a place that shouldn’t exist.
[Beatrice:――――]
The door thundered shut, the gushing wind halted with the sound, and silence descended on the Library once more.
The girl who was left alone, with an expression as if holding back her sobs, slowly walked into the depths of the room―― stepping onto her usual stepladder and quietly sitting down, she hugged her knees and opened the Gospel with her trembling fingertips. Then,
[Beatrice: Why…… couldn’t Betty… ever……]
In front of the wordless blank pages, only her sobs resounded pointlessly throughout the silence of the room.
-=Chapter 35 End=-
