VOLUME 1
Chapter 3: The Eldest Sister, Tsurugi
Damn oniichan…
Suddenly feeling empty and not being able to bear it anymore, I took off the “Oniichan Surveillance Tool” I was wearing on my head.
My hair was standing on end from the static electricity, and I fixed it with a comb. I let out a groan.
It was Valentine’s Day too…
I had to work up a lot of courage to do that too…
And he gave it to Tama.
“Oniichan should just go and die…”
Feeling the unpleasant sensation of tears beginning to blur my vision, I stood up and began to walk unsteadily.
I really, really wanted to find my brother and hurl all my complaints at him.
“Alright…”
I decided on the noble plan of going to where my brother was and punching him. I took out my school uniform from my wall closet.
I sloppily took off my pajamas, and I started to put on my uniform, a bit uneasy at how unfamiliar the outfit felt.
Ah, I’ll probably be alright…
It felt like today I could at least make it to school, fueled by all this anger.
“I’m going to punch oniichan’s lights out…”
Nodding eagerly, I opened the door.
Ohh, this is pretty easy.
I walked down the hallway.
This was no sweat.
I began to go down the stairs.
The soles of my foot felt pretty sticky.
Was I stepping in gum? Oh my, my head was feeling a bit light…
It was probably my imagination.
I’ll be fine today. I’ll be fine…
“Ugh……”
I wobbled and sunk to the floor, in the midst of a world flickering bright red around me.
“Ghwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.”
I vomited.
@@@@@@
“………”
Ah, I was sleeping.
I woke up in my own room and gave a nice, long stretch.
I sure slept for a while…
From what I could remember, I tried to go to school, found out I couldn’t, vomited… then I went back to my room, collapsed onto my bed in my uniform, and went to sleep.
“I really thought I would be okay too…”
Oniichan, I guess I really am hopeless.
It was scary.
The outside world was scary.
It gave me the creaks.
It nauseated me.
How could everyone just so cheerfully go on living in a world as uncertain and vague as that?
“…. Nn…”
I opened the small refrigerator I had in my room, took out some mineral water, and rinsed my mouth with it.
Feeling a bit more calm, I returned to my little garden surrounded by computers, where I found the leftover sandwiches that my brother had left behind.
While I ate the sandwiches, I lifted the “Oniichan Surveillance Tool” up and put it on my head. Alright, I stopped watching for a while. I hope he didn’t get caught up in something stupid while I was away…
@@@@@@
Hiyoko: If it’s oniichan… I’m fine with it ♥.
I nodded at Hiyoko as she blushed, and I stripped her of her maid outfit.
Me: Hiyoko, Hiyoko!!
Hiyoko: Ahh, oniichaaaaaann~~~!! I loooove you~~ ♥♥♥!!
–
What the hell was this?!??!?!
Of course I had no choice but to spew both the sandwich and mineral water out from my mouth.
@@@@@@
Konohana Sakuya Academy was an incredibly average high school situated in the middle of Amenonuboko. Just as the name might suggest, the school was famous for the roadside row of splendid sakura trees that graced the school grounds (it was still February though, so the sakura had not blossomed yet). (1)
My brother was a teacher at that school, and one of his coworkers was the eldest Yagami sister, Yagami Tsurugi.
From her appearance, you would think she was a child.
The youngest sister Tama also had a height and sex appeal that didn’t match her age, but the eldest sister Tsurugi went the opposite way.
She was thirty-one (that’s what she claimed at least).
But despite that, she looked like she was in the lower grades in elementary school.
Her desk was right in the corner of the staff room, right next to the neat and orderly desk of my brother.
“Tsurugi-sensei.”
My brother’s unsteady voice echoed through the Konohana Sakuya Academy staff room.
“Please refrain from playing eroge so confidently in the school staff room.” (2)
Tsurugi was wearing plain clothes, sitting lazily in her chair Indian style, and clicking on her mouse.
There were headphones attached to her ears, and she was sexually assaulting the little sister that was showing on the screen.
“Tsurugi-sensei~~.”
My brother didn’t seem discouraged at being ignored. He seemed to come to the conclusion that she couldn’t hear him because she had headphones on, and began to write with a permanent marker in a college-ruled notebook.
Tsurugi-sensei, I don’t think eroge is appropriate for the staff room.
Tsurugi took a quick glance at the writing, snatched the notebook from my brother, and then wrote out her response with a red pen.
Shut up. Go die. (^o^)
Her words seemed harsh, but my brother’s opinion still seemed to have gotten through to her. Tsurugi sighed and clicked the save button on the computer screen that was overflowing with pink and pixelated patches.
When she shut down the eroge, she took off her headphones and let out a yawn.
“Is it noon already?”
Her voice even sounded childish.
“I’m pretty hungry. Hey, Tsukuyomi, go buy some bread and come back. Make it a melon bread for me!”
In case you were wondering, every day my brother got sent to buy lunch by this tiny girl.
“Ah, I see~.”
But for some reason, my brother seemed almost happy about getting ordered around by this kid, and was almost trembling in his excitement.
“Actually, I don’t have anything prepared for lunch today either. My little sister gave me some lunch, but I ended up giving that to Tama-chan because she was hungry.”
“You met Tama?”
Tsurugi’s eyes widened.
“You know, she didn’t even eat breakfast and ran out of the house, screaming something like ‘Tama is going to become a frog! Croak croaaaak! Amphibians! On land or on sea! Zugokku! Zugokku!’ (3) She’s always been a bit of an idiot, but today I really had to doubt her sanity.”
“Ah, well, Tama-san was just…”
My brother explained the situation to Tsurugi.
“…… Hmph.”
Tsurugi rubbed her eyes, not seeming too interested, and then yawned again.
“Tama is still a brat, so she’s pretty self-centered. She has too much empathy. She tends to identify with others a bit too much. So when the frogs she always played with went into hibernation, she felt as lonely as if her own body had disappeared, and she was trying to bury that feeling of loss…”
She muttered something I didn’t really understand.
“It was good you were there to stop here, Tsukuyomi. If you were just a bit slower, there might have been an alteration. Geez… Kagami is bad enough, but Tama is even more dangerous. Their big sister just can’t stop worrying about them… I’m getting really stressed out… go die, Tsukuyomi.”
Tsurugi began prodding my brother with her slippers, almost as if she was having a burst of anger.
Although, my brother seemed pretty happy about it.
“Well, I really don’t think you have to worry. Tama-san is growing into a fine, healthy woman if you ask me.”
“Although, the only parts of her that are growing are the parts that really shouldn’t have to grow. Like her breasts. Mine don’t grow at all… I wonder if she’s been sucking energy from me in some way I can’t see…”
After she muttered with a hint of frustration, Tsurugi hopped down from the seat and headed for the staff room exit.
“Hey, Tsukuyomi, you said you didn’t have lunch, right?”
She lightly thought for a bit.
And for some reason, she blushed.
“I-I’ll go buy some for you.”
“Hm? Tsurugi-sensei is? Tsurugi-sensei, who usually makes me go buy lunch, and doesn’t even thank me or pay me for the things I buy back?”
My brother seemed shaken at these impossible sequence of events, but Tsurugi just left him there and walked heavily away.
@@@@@@
After a few minutes, Tsurugi returned.
“I’m back. Here.”
She had brought back wrapped chocolate cornets, like the kind you would buy in convenience stores.
She seemed to have bought melon bread for herself. She sat back on her seat in the same cross-legged position, and began to bite into and chew her meal like a small animal.
“T-Thank you very much, Tsurugi-sensei…”
My brother seemed moved.
Perhaps he wanted to express his joy, but he began to spin around and dance right there.
“Waiii, Tsurugi-sensei bought me a chocolate cornet! I am so overjoyed!”
A murderous atmosphere began to swirl in the staff room.
The other teachers glared at my brother with feral eyes.
“T-Tsurugi sensei bought him one…?”
“Our chibi (4) sensei gave him that…?”
“A chocolate cornet, he said…?!”
“She gave him chocolate?!”
“That’s pretty cocky for Tsukuyomi!”
“Hand it over! All the teachers are one heart and one mind, so what’s yours is ours!”
“Hey, what are you all doing?! This is something Tsurugi-sensei gave me!” (This one was from my brother.)
“Shut up! This was the first time our chibi sensei went out on an errand, and the chocolate cornet she brought back is wasted on someone like you!”
“This is a place of training! A place where the strong win and the weak die!!!”
My brother was getting completely beat up.
“……”
My brother had gotten beaten down until he looked like a tattered rag, and the rest of the teachers divided his chocolate cornet with expressions of pure glee.
Tsurugi gave my brother a scornful look as he stood there completely unprotected while covering his face. He had been punched silly.
“You really are a pretty sad person, aren’t you…?”
She sighed and crouched down.
Her small figure was hidden by the desk, and couldn’t be seen by any of the other teachers.
Like that, she beckoned to my brother with her hand, and my brother also squatted down.
“What is it?”
“Keep this secret ☆!”
Tsurugi took out a stick of chocolate, peeled its wrapper, and then stuffed it into my brother’s mouth.
“I was hiding this from the others. I-It’s not like this is because it’s Valentine’s day. It’s just because I see you being so pathetic and I just can’t help but sympathize, alright? So don’t get the wrong idea!”
“……?”
My brother looked confused, as if he was unsure of what “Valentine’s Day” was.
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) The “ko” in “konohana” is written with the same kanji for sakura.
(2) “Eroge,” which is short for “erotic game,” is a genre of Japanese visual novel that contains 18+ material.
(3) Most likely a reference to the Z’GOK, an amphibious Gundam unit.
(4) Cutesy word for “small.”
VOLUME 1
Chapter 3: The Eldest Sister, Tsurugi
Damn oniichan…
Suddenly feeling empty and not being able to bear it anymore, I took off the “Oniichan Surveillance Tool” I was wearing on my head.
My hair was standing on end from the static electricity, and I fixed it with a comb. I let out a groan.
It was Valentine’s Day too…
I had to work up a lot of courage to do that too…
And he gave it to Tama.
“Oniichan should just go and die…”
Feeling the unpleasant sensation of tears beginning to blur my vision, I stood up and began to walk unsteadily.
I really, really wanted to find my brother and hurl all my complaints at him.
“Alright…”
I decided on the noble plan of going to where my brother was and punching him. I took out my school uniform from my wall closet.
I sloppily took off my pajamas, and I started to put on my uniform, a bit uneasy at how unfamiliar the outfit felt.
Ah, I’ll probably be alright…
It felt like today I could at least make it to school, fueled by all this anger.
“I’m going to punch oniichan’s lights out…”
Nodding eagerly, I opened the door.
Ohh, this is pretty easy.
I walked down the hallway.
This was no sweat.
I began to go down the stairs.
The soles of my foot felt pretty sticky.
Was I stepping in gum? Oh my, my head was feeling a bit light…
It was probably my imagination.
I’ll be fine today. I’ll be fine…
“Ugh……”
I wobbled and sunk to the floor, in the midst of a world flickering bright red around me.
“Ghwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.”
I vomited.
@@@@@@
“………”
Ah, I was sleeping.
I woke up in my own room and gave a nice, long stretch.
I sure slept for a while…
From what I could remember, I tried to go to school, found out I couldn’t, vomited… then I went back to my room, collapsed onto my bed in my uniform, and went to sleep.
“I really thought I would be okay too…”
Oniichan, I guess I really am hopeless.
It was scary.
The outside world was scary.
It gave me the creaks.
It nauseated me.
How could everyone just so cheerfully go on living in a world as uncertain and vague as that?
“…. Nn…”
I opened the small refrigerator I had in my room, took out some mineral water, and rinsed my mouth with it.
Feeling a bit more calm, I returned to my little garden surrounded by computers, where I found the leftover sandwiches that my brother had left behind.
While I ate the sandwiches, I lifted the “Oniichan Surveillance Tool” up and put it on my head. Alright, I stopped watching for a while. I hope he didn’t get caught up in something stupid while I was away…
@@@@@@
Hiyoko: If it’s oniichan… I’m fine with it ♥.
I nodded at Hiyoko as she blushed, and I stripped her of her maid outfit.
Me: Hiyoko, Hiyoko!!
Hiyoko: Ahh, oniichaaaaaann~~~!! I loooove you~~ ♥♥♥!!
–
What the hell was this?!??!?!
Of course I had no choice but to spew both the sandwich and mineral water out from my mouth.
@@@@@@
Konohana Sakuya Academy was an incredibly average high school situated in the middle of Amenonuboko. Just as the name might suggest, the school was famous for the roadside row of splendid sakura trees that graced the school grounds (it was still February though, so the sakura had not blossomed yet). (1)
My brother was a teacher at that school, and one of his coworkers was the eldest Yagami sister, Yagami Tsurugi.
From her appearance, you would think she was a child.
The youngest sister Tama also had a height and sex appeal that didn’t match her age, but the eldest sister Tsurugi went the opposite way.
She was thirty-one (that’s what she claimed at least).
But despite that, she looked like she was in the lower grades in elementary school.
Her desk was right in the corner of the staff room, right next to the neat and orderly desk of my brother.
“Tsurugi-sensei.”
My brother’s unsteady voice echoed through the Konohana Sakuya Academy staff room.
“Please refrain from playing eroge so confidently in the school staff room.” (2)
Tsurugi was wearing plain clothes, sitting lazily in her chair Indian style, and clicking on her mouse.
There were headphones attached to her ears, and she was sexually assaulting the little sister that was showing on the screen.
“Tsurugi-sensei~~.”
My brother didn’t seem discouraged at being ignored. He seemed to come to the conclusion that she couldn’t hear him because she had headphones on, and began to write with a permanent marker in a college-ruled notebook.
Tsurugi-sensei, I don’t think eroge is appropriate for the staff room.
Tsurugi took a quick glance at the writing, snatched the notebook from my brother, and then wrote out her response with a red pen.
Shut up. Go die. (^o^)
Her words seemed harsh, but my brother’s opinion still seemed to have gotten through to her. Tsurugi sighed and clicked the save button on the computer screen that was overflowing with pink and pixelated patches.
When she shut down the eroge, she took off her headphones and let out a yawn.
“Is it noon already?”
Her voice even sounded childish.
“I’m pretty hungry. Hey, Tsukuyomi, go buy some bread and come back. Make it a melon bread for me!”
In case you were wondering, every day my brother got sent to buy lunch by this tiny girl.
“Ah, I see~.”
But for some reason, my brother seemed almost happy about getting ordered around by this kid, and was almost trembling in his excitement.
“Actually, I don’t have anything prepared for lunch today either. My little sister gave me some lunch, but I ended up giving that to Tama-chan because she was hungry.”
“You met Tama?”
Tsurugi’s eyes widened.
“You know, she didn’t even eat breakfast and ran out of the house, screaming something like ‘Tama is going to become a frog! Croak croaaaak! Amphibians! On land or on sea! Zugokku! Zugokku!’ (3) She’s always been a bit of an idiot, but today I really had to doubt her sanity.”
“Ah, well, Tama-san was just…”
My brother explained the situation to Tsurugi.
“…… Hmph.”
Tsurugi rubbed her eyes, not seeming too interested, and then yawned again.
“Tama is still a brat, so she’s pretty self-centered. She has too much empathy. She tends to identify with others a bit too much. So when the frogs she always played with went into hibernation, she felt as lonely as if her own body had disappeared, and she was trying to bury that feeling of loss…”
She muttered something I didn’t really understand.
“It was good you were there to stop here, Tsukuyomi. If you were just a bit slower, there might have been an alteration. Geez… Kagami is bad enough, but Tama is even more dangerous. Their big sister just can’t stop worrying about them… I’m getting really stressed out… go die, Tsukuyomi.”
Tsurugi began prodding my brother with her slippers, almost as if she was having a burst of anger.
Although, my brother seemed pretty happy about it.
“Well, I really don’t think you have to worry. Tama-san is growing into a fine, healthy woman if you ask me.”
“Although, the only parts of her that are growing are the parts that really shouldn’t have to grow. Like her breasts. Mine don’t grow at all… I wonder if she’s been sucking energy from me in some way I can’t see…”
After she muttered with a hint of frustration, Tsurugi hopped down from the seat and headed for the staff room exit.
“Hey, Tsukuyomi, you said you didn’t have lunch, right?”
She lightly thought for a bit.
And for some reason, she blushed.
“I-I’ll go buy some for you.”
“Hm? Tsurugi-sensei is? Tsurugi-sensei, who usually makes me go buy lunch, and doesn’t even thank me or pay me for the things I buy back?”
My brother seemed shaken at these impossible sequence of events, but Tsurugi just left him there and walked heavily away.
@@@@@@
After a few minutes, Tsurugi returned.
“I’m back. Here.”
She had brought back wrapped chocolate cornets, like the kind you would buy in convenience stores.
She seemed to have bought melon bread for herself. She sat back on her seat in the same cross-legged position, and began to bite into and chew her meal like a small animal.
“T-Thank you very much, Tsurugi-sensei…”
My brother seemed moved.
Perhaps he wanted to express his joy, but he began to spin around and dance right there.
“Waiii, Tsurugi-sensei bought me a chocolate cornet! I am so overjoyed!”
A murderous atmosphere began to swirl in the staff room.
The other teachers glared at my brother with feral eyes.
“T-Tsurugi sensei bought him one…?”
“Our chibi (4) sensei gave him that…?”
“A chocolate cornet, he said…?!”
“She gave him chocolate?!”
“That’s pretty cocky for Tsukuyomi!”
“Hand it over! All the teachers are one heart and one mind, so what’s yours is ours!”
“Hey, what are you all doing?! This is something Tsurugi-sensei gave me!” (This one was from my brother.)
“Shut up! This was the first time our chibi sensei went out on an errand, and the chocolate cornet she brought back is wasted on someone like you!”
“This is a place of training! A place where the strong win and the weak die!!!”
My brother was getting completely beat up.
“……”
My brother had gotten beaten down until he looked like a tattered rag, and the rest of the teachers divided his chocolate cornet with expressions of pure glee.
Tsurugi gave my brother a scornful look as he stood there completely unprotected while covering his face. He had been punched silly.
“You really are a pretty sad person, aren’t you…?”
She sighed and crouched down.
Her small figure was hidden by the desk, and couldn’t be seen by any of the other teachers.
Like that, she beckoned to my brother with her hand, and my brother also squatted down.
“What is it?”
“Keep this secret ☆!”
Tsurugi took out a stick of chocolate, peeled its wrapper, and then stuffed it into my brother’s mouth.
“I was hiding this from the others. I-It’s not like this is because it’s Valentine’s day. It’s just because I see you being so pathetic and I just can’t help but sympathize, alright? So don’t get the wrong idea!”
“……?”
My brother looked confused, as if he was unsure of what “Valentine’s Day” was.
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) The “ko” in “konohana” is written with the same kanji for sakura.
(2) “Eroge,” which is short for “erotic game,” is a genre of Japanese visual novel that contains 18+ material.
(3) Most likely a reference to the Z’GOK, an amphibious Gundam unit.
(4) Cutesy word for “small.”
