VOLUME 1
[3rd Discussion: Part 2]
ON AIR
–
Prez: “Sakurano Kurimu’s! All-Night Anytime-Anywhere!”
Sugisaki: “That broadcasting range is huge!”
–
♪Opening BGM♪
–
Prez: “Now, let’s get this started. Sakurano Kurimu’s All-Night Anytime-Anywhere.”
Chizuru: “But it isn’t night.”
Prez: “This program was brought to you by Fujimi Shobo.” (1)
Minatsu: “Why Fujimi Shobo……? Oi, that’s a pointless investment, not to mention excessive……”
Prez: “Well, our pay is nothing, we got the equipment and broadcasting slot for nothing, and we get nothing from the sponsor either.”
Mafuyu: “Then why did you read out a sponsor……?”
Prez: “Doesn’t it make the broadcast seem real? Yeah, that just now was very radio-like.”
Mafuyu: “…… Haa. But it doesn’t matter…”
Prez: “Hey Mafuyu-chan! That kind of attitude is wrong! The listeners want more of an energetic girl conversation, like this!”
Mafuyu: “I, is that how it is……?”
Prez: “Yeah. Male listeners are like that.”
Sugisaki: “Hey hey hey hey! Why are you saying these insults to the listeners?! Are you trying to pick a fight with the students?!”
Prez: “Listeners exist because there’s a radio personality.”
Sugisaki: “Radio personalities exist because of listeners!”
Minatsu: “Oh, Ken said something extremely legitimate! Amazing! The radio’s effect is amazing!”
Prez: “……I guess. Looks like I was wrong, Sugisaki.”
Sugisaki: “It’s fine, as long as you understand……”
Prez: “Yes. As I thought, a certain amount of flattery is beneficial. Alright, I’m an adult!”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, saying something like that so boldly is –”
Prez: “The Letter Segment!”
Sugisaki: “She ignored me?! Even though we’re on the radio she refused to argue back and forth with me?!” (2)
Chizuru: “That’s the Aka-chan Quality.”
Sugisaki: “Why do you only say things at crucial moments like that?! Take the lead more often please!”
Chizuru: “…………”
Sugisaki: “Stop keeping silent while we’re on the radio!”
Prez: “Now then, let’s look at a letter.”
Sugisaki: “Moving on is more important?! Are you ignoring how the conversation is going?!”
Prez: “‘Everyone in the student council, guud ebening!’ Yes, guud ebening!” (3)
Sugisaki: “Eh? What’s with that embarrassing greeting?! Is that a normal thing to do?”
The female group: “‘Guud ebening!’”
Sugisaki: “Is this some common knowledge that I didn’t know?”
Prez: “‘I always enjoy listening to All-Night Anytime-Anywhere.’ Thanks!”
Sugisaki: “That’s a lie! This is supposed to be the first broadcast!”
Prez: “Chonological order is just a minor issue, Sugisaki. Especially for the radio.”
Sugisaki: “It really is ‘Anytime-Anywhere!’”
Prez: “Oh, and I forgot to mention, but just in case, this is a live broadcast. We probably don’t have too many listeners, but you’ll hear us broadcast again tomorrow during lunch.”
Sugisaki: “No wonder we were able to get mail! Also, please be more careful with what you say!”
Prez: “Yes yes. Now, continuing with the mail. ‘By the way, I have a question for everyone. What sort of confession would make you happy? Right now, I’m in love, but I’m lost on how to confess. Kuri-nee, please give me some advice.’” (4)
Sugisaki: “He just called you ‘Kuri-nee!’ Even though you’re such a loli!”
Prez: “Well now…… This is a pretty hard problem. But, since you asked me, who’s experienced in love –”
Sugisaki: “Even though you haven’t even held hands with a guy before……”
Prez: “I think a normal confession should work fine.”
Sugisaki: “She gave some halfassed advice!!!!!!”
Prez: “What do you think Chizuru?”
Chizuru: “Well now……He should do as he sees fit. I have nothing to do with it.”
Sugisaki: “The radio personality was cold to the listener!!!!!!”
Prez: “What about you Mafuyu-chan?”
Mafuyu: “Eh? L, let’s see…… Um…… Mafuyu……….. Doesn’t really know.
Sugisaki: “And there’s the unthinkable ‘I don’t know!!!!!!’”
Prez: “And Minatsu?”
Minatsu: “Just go for it! That’s all!”
Sugisaki: “Treat the listener’s hearts more carefully!”
Prez: “The next letter. ‘I have your younger sister. If you want her back, put money –’ …… Hm? Huh? This is the wrong mail. Hey staff, get it together would you! Geez…… So, next.”
Sugisaki: “She just ignored it?! Can she really just easily ignore the contents of the letter just now?!”
Prez: “‘Everyone in the student council, guud ebening!’ Yes, guud ebening!”
The female group: “‘Guud ebening!’”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, why is this the thing everyone goes along with!? When did you plan that!?”
Prez: “‘Kuri-nee, what should I do? I need money fast…… My little sister was kidnapped and my parents have been running around raising money, but we haven’t gathered enough…… what should I do?’”
Sugisaki: “What a deep problem!!!!!! I mean, you should’ve called the police before mailing here! Moreover, this is unmistakably related to that mail from before!”
Prez: “Hmm…… well now. I know. To radio name: ‘Victim’s relative’-san, a present from Fujimi Shobo, ‘A Sizeable Sum of Collected Money!’ Just wait for it.”
Sugisaki: “Eeeeeeeehhh?! You have it prepared?! Moreover, you’re just going to arbitrarily take it from our sponsor! You can do that?!”
Prez: “That all depends on Fujimi Shobo.”
Sugisaki: “Why are you acting so arrogantly?!”
Prez: “Alright, so, here’s a song. I released this new single the other day. Let’s listen to ‘Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore!’”
Sugisaki: “Be more considerate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Here you go!”
–
♪ “Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore” Full Playback ♪
–
Prez: “Now then, that was the highly acclaimed single ‘Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore,’ now on sale! Enjoy the debut single ‘Brother Became a Skeleton’ that is included as well!”
Sugisaki: “What the hell happened in your past?!”
Prez: “Now, this usual segment. ‘The Shiina Sisters and their Sisterly Yuriyuri♪!’”
Sugisaki: “……………… Th, that I kinda want to listen to.”
Mafuyu: “Senpai?! Please properly retort at that!”
Minatsu: “Yeah! I never heard anything about that!”
Prez: “In this segment, listeners send in embarrassing yuri-like scenarios for the Shiina sisters to act out. It’s a popular segment.”
Sugisaki: “It’s a popular segment…… I shouldn’t be saying this, but are the students here right in the head?”
Prez: “I personally don’t like it but…… Look, we have to please them, alright? If you do it, the students should be satisfied for the time being.”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, please don’t say things like that while we’re on air!”
Prez: “Well, take it away, Shiina sisters. Here’s the script.”
Mafuyu: “O, ooohh…… do we really have to do it?”
Minatsu: “Whoa, what’s with this?! There’s no way I’m readin’ this!”
Prez: “Hey Minatsu! Don’t run away! A real vice-president can overcome this!”
Sugisaki: “That has nothing to do with the requirements of a vice-president……”
Minatsu: “……Looks like I don’t have a choice.”
Sugisaki: “Why did you agree with her?!”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu also…… made up Mafuyu’s mind.”
Sugisaki: “What made you do that?!”
Chizuru: “Hmph…… that’s why they’re the Shiina sisters.”
Sugisaki: “Why do you only ever remember to say things at the weird parts?!”
Prez: “Well then, go for it!”
–
♪Atmospheric BGM♪
“Mafuyu…… I can’t……”
“Aah, Onee-chan…… Hn! Ah, haahaa…” (5)
“Mafuyu…… you’re so cute Mafuyu……”
“Onee……-cha…………Hnn!”
–
Sugisaki: “Wait wait wait wait wait! Personally, this excites me, but isn’t this a bit much for an in-school broadcast?!”
Prez: “Y, yeah…… Th, that’s true. Th, this was, going a bit far.”
Mafuyu: “Eeeeehh?! Let us do just a bit more!”
Minatsu: “So cruel! If you give us that sort of reaction, it’ll really make us want to run away!”
Chizuru: “The Shiina sisters’ relationship is a violation against the broadcasting code. I wonder, could you two keep that relationship more private?”
Minatsu: “Don’t say something that can cause a misunderstanding! Our private lives aren’t like that!”
Mafuyu: “Th, that’s right! All the listeners, please don’t believe her!”
Chizuru: “…… I see. Yes, let’s go with that for now. I said something careless, I’m sorry you two.”
Shiina Sisters: “Just stop alreadyyyyyyy!”
Prez: “W, well, now, the next segment! Sugisaki Ken’s ‘If You’re Going to Hit Someone, Hit Me!’”
Sugisaki: “What the hell is THIS segment?!”
Prez: “In this segment, if someone in the school is so angry that he or she wants to punch someone, that person should use Sugisaki as a target and vent on him instead.”
Sugisaki: “What about my human rights?!”
Prez: “Settling student quarrels is also part of the student council’s job. Therefore, if you have any people troubles today, Class 2-B’s Sugisaki Ken can help, so –”
Sugisaki: “Don’t call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (6)
Prez: “I guess it can’t be helped…… Since we have no applicants, today we’ll skip this segment.”
Sugisaki: “Why is it that the segment I’m responsible for is the only one like that?”
Prez: “Well, next up is my segment! ‘Fan Letters to Sakurano Kurimu!’”
Sugisaki: “An obvious differentiation?! This segment is extremely different isn’t it?!
Prez: “A letter from someone who wants to be kept anonymous. Ahem. ‘Sakurano Kurimu-sama. Whenever I see your cuteness, my heart skips a beat –”
Sugisaki: “Rather than a fan letter, isn’t that a love letter?! Who?! Who’s this guy making a pass at my woman?! He’s got some nerve! Get out here! I’ll make sure he – guh!”
Prez: “Wh, what the hell are you blurting out?!”
Sugisaki: “B, but, there’s a guy sending love letters to my girlfriend……”
Prez: “I’m not your girlfriend! Don’t say weird things during a radio broadcast!”
Sugisaki: “Forgive me. I just lost my cool. But I did nothing wrong.”
Prez: “Why are you so shameless?!”
Sugisaki: “Oooh…… B, but, umm, give me a break. I can’t bear this ‘Letters to the Prez’ segment. I’ll go mad with jealousy.”
Prez: “Ooh……”
Minatsu: “………… Not that it matters, but could you quit flirting and move on already?”
Prez: “W, we’re not flirting! Minatsu, you also stop saying weird things! G, geez…… Now the mood’s all messed up. Ahem…… Well, the next segment……”
Mafuyu: “Ah, but when all is said and done, it seems you did listen to Senpai and stop reading letters.”
Prez: “Ooh…… A, anyways, next! ‘Academy 5-7-5.’”(7)
Sugisaki: “…… Somehow, it’s suddenly a normal, standard segment.”
Prez: “Yeah, because I ran out of ideas.”
Sugisaki: “She said it!”
Prez: “In this segment, we will introduce amusing haikus related to the school that listeners have thought up.
Sugisaki: “Conversely, it’s such a normal segment that it feels dangerous.”
Prez: “Ahem. Now then, let’s go. A haiku from someone who wants to remain anonymous.”
–
“Reduce to ashes
Burst into flames and burn down
Sugisaki’s house” (8)
–
Prez: “…… That was a splendid poem. It was as if the scene were actually before my eyes.”
Sugisaki: “…………”
Prez: “…? Umm…… Sugisaki? It might be weird for me to say this but…… you won’t retort this?”
Sugisaki: “No……………… Forgive me. I can feel a real sense of physical danger, so I can’t really get into it.”
Prez: “Ahhh……”
Minatsu: “……That one was crossing the line……”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu was also taken aback a bit.”
Chizuru: “Well, however, that is true. In essence, this is the position that Key-kun is in. Not only is he a part of the group where everyone’s admired beauties gather, but he himself talks about ‘capturing’ and ‘harems’ and the like…… you reap what you sow.”
Sugisaki: “Ooh, ooooh…… Y, yaah! Who cares?! This is my harem! You got a problem with that? If you want a fight you’ve got it! So –”
Prez: “So?”
–
Sugisaki: “If you’re going to use fire please just spare me. I am sorry.”
–
Prez: “……While Sugisaki is crying and prostrating himself even though he’s on the radio, how about we look at the next letter. Looks like…… this one also wants to be anonymous. Ahem.”
–
“No money at all
But an excess of power
I’m the kidnapper” (9)
–
Sugisaki: “It’s the kidnapper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Eh? What? What are you talking about?”
Sugisaki: “Well, I mean, that the kidnapping case from earlier – N, no, before that, that guy’s name and address! Did he write it down?!”
Prez: “He didn’t but…… in he wrote a P.S. saying ‘I also demanded 20,000 yen!’” (10)
Sugisaki: “20,000 yen?! That’s a cheap ransom for the sister of a fellow student! Why aren’t both parents able to prepare that?!”
Prez: “Even if you ask me…… Sugisaki. In this world, there are many people who aren’t blessed.”
Sugisaki: “Th, that’s true but……! Somehow this incident…… feels relatively silly.”
Prez: “Everyone realized that from the start. Anyway, I’m going to continue with the radio.”
Sugisaki: “And so while we were recording… or maybe I should say broadcasting… we seem to have settled the kidnapping incident…”
Prez: “Now then, the last haiku. Ahem.”
–
“Now seriously
Properly go do your work
You student council” (11)
–
Sugisaki: “And there’s the true opinion of the students!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Really now, that’s just rude.”
Sugisaki: “No……It’s a bit weird for me to say it, but I really understand where this guy is coming from.”
Minatsu: “I also understand.”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu also understands.”
Prez: “What?! If we need to work, we work properly!”
Chizuru: “We’ve also been doing a lot of things that we don’t need to do.”
Prez: “I don’t like this. This segment is done.”
Sugisaki: “I don’t think that kind of attitude is appropriate!”
Prez: “Now then…… so, we seem to be getting close to the end, so how about we talk freely?”
Sugisaki: “Even though we’ve had plenty freedom up till now……”
Minatsu: “Oh, Prez-san. Looks like some mail came in.”
Prez: “Eh? What is it?”
Mafuyu: “Well, let’s see. It seems like, ‘The aforementioned kidnapping of my sister had been resolved safely.’ That’s good!”
Sugisaki: “Ohh…… It’s been resolved. Good good.”
Chizuru: “……tch.”
Sugisaki: “That was really loud, Chizuru-san. That tongue click of yours just now.”
Chizuru: “I have no idea what you could be talking about.”
Sugisaki: “To say that while recording & broadcasting, what’s with that confident denial?!”
Chizuru: “But…… it was resolved surprisingly quickly. What was the culprit like?”
Mafuyu: “Umm…… Mafuyu doesn’t really know, but it looks like the kidnapped sister beat down the culprit herself. Right now the culprit is…… in critical condition.”
Sugisaki: “The culprit who only wanted 20,000 yen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Mafuyu: “It looks like the sister was also just basically hanging out with the culprit of her own accord. But…… she happened to be listening to this broadcast, realized herself that she’d been kidnapped, and in panic, beat up the culprit……”
Sugisaki: “It’s our fault?!”
Minatsu: “In the end, why did the guy need 20,000 yen……?”
Minatsu: “Umm…… Let’s see. According to the mail…… alright, it looks like, before the culprit lost consciousness he said, ‘I only…… wanted to return……. The 20,000 yen I borrowed…… from this girl’s older sister. Gack,’ and collapsed.”
Sugisaki: “Are you kidding me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, the root of evil was the older sister?! The listener?!”
Mafuyu: “At the end of the mail, that listener had sent the message ‘Evil will be punished! Ahaha!’”
Sugisaki: “These listeners are really irresponsible!”
Mafuyu: “N, now now. The case was settled……”
Sugisaki: “…… when this broadcast ends, I will go visit the culprit at the hospital. Please be okay……”
Prez: “A, ahem. Um…… A lot of things happened, but it looks like the time for this broadcast to end has come.”
Sugisaki: “At long last…… these short programs were pretty surprisingly deep……”
Prez: “Finally, we will end with ‘Today’s Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.’ With that, see you next week everyone!”
♪Mysterious BGM♪
Chizuru: “And now, for Today’s Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.
“To this school’s Leos. In a few days, you will find yourselves involved in a situation like that of a very bizarre story. Please be advised. Should you see the TATARI, please run away with all your might. (12)
“Your lucky color is ‘murderous intent.’ (13) Whether it’s dusky or deep red, or something else, I’ll let each of you imagine it for yourself.
“Your lucky item is ‘a nuke.’ It’s better for you to always carry it around. If you’re a Metal Gear, then that should be possible. (14)
“Finally, one piece of advice.
–
“Don’t die.
–
“That is all for Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.”
–
Sugisaki: “That’s scary! All the Leos will be anxious till the end of today!”
Chizuru: “We shall meet again this time next week…… except the Leos.”
Sugisaki: “Nooooooooo! The Leoooooooooooooooooooooooooos!”
–
♪ED Music “Brother Became a Skeleton” ♪
–
***
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) Fujimi Shobo is the publishing company that distributes SeiZon.
(2) Sugisaki: used the phrase “kotoba no kyacchibooru” which basically means “playing catch with words,” but that’s not really something we say in English.
(3) So, this theoretical letter writer wrote “konbappaa!” which is a (supposedly) cutesy twist on “konbanwa” or “good evening.” Thus… that.
(4) The writer refers to Kurimu as “Kuri-nee,” which implies both familiarity and respect as an older person. Basically, it’s making Kurimu seem reliable and respectably mature. Whether or not she really is has yet to be seen…
(5) Mafuyu refers to Minatsu as “Onee-chan,” which is a somewhat familiar way of referring to an older sister.
(6) A lot of the issue with translating is realizing that verbs are always at the very end in Japanese. In this case, Kurimu was intending to say “Gorenraku wo suru,” which means “(do) contact him.” However, Sugisaki interrupts and finishes her sentence as “Gorenraku wo suru na!” which changes it to “don’t contact him!” The trouble here was bringing the negative to Sugisaki’s line which would make things awkward.
(7) 5-7-5 refers to a haiku, three lines with 5, 7, then 5 syllables each repesctively.
(8) The more literal translation of the poem is “Burn away/burst into flame and burn/the Sugisaki house,” but I wanted to try and keep the syllable count.
(9) Same thing with the syllable count. Literal translation: “No money/excess influence/kidnapper.”
(10) At this time, that equals about 199 USD. Also, this kidnapper has some cheap demands.
(11) Same for the other poems. Translation: “Come diligently/do your work/student council.”
(12) A being from Melty Blood, the fighting game spinoff of the visual novel series Tsukihime.
(13) She really did say “satsui no iro” or “the color of the intent to kill.”
(14) Seeing as she straight up says “Metal Gear,” I probably don’t need to explain this.
VOLUME 1
[3rd Discussion: Part 2]
ON AIR
–
Prez: “Sakurano Kurimu’s! All-Night Anytime-Anywhere!”
Sugisaki: “That broadcasting range is huge!”
–
♪Opening BGM♪
–
Prez: “Now, let’s get this started. Sakurano Kurimu’s All-Night Anytime-Anywhere.”
Chizuru: “But it isn’t night.”
Prez: “This program was brought to you by Fujimi Shobo.” (1)
Minatsu: “Why Fujimi Shobo……? Oi, that’s a pointless investment, not to mention excessive……”
Prez: “Well, our pay is nothing, we got the equipment and broadcasting slot for nothing, and we get nothing from the sponsor either.”
Mafuyu: “Then why did you read out a sponsor……?”
Prez: “Doesn’t it make the broadcast seem real? Yeah, that just now was very radio-like.”
Mafuyu: “…… Haa. But it doesn’t matter…”
Prez: “Hey Mafuyu-chan! That kind of attitude is wrong! The listeners want more of an energetic girl conversation, like this!”
Mafuyu: “I, is that how it is……?”
Prez: “Yeah. Male listeners are like that.”
Sugisaki: “Hey hey hey hey! Why are you saying these insults to the listeners?! Are you trying to pick a fight with the students?!”
Prez: “Listeners exist because there’s a radio personality.”
Sugisaki: “Radio personalities exist because of listeners!”
Minatsu: “Oh, Ken said something extremely legitimate! Amazing! The radio’s effect is amazing!”
Prez: “……I guess. Looks like I was wrong, Sugisaki.”
Sugisaki: “It’s fine, as long as you understand……”
Prez: “Yes. As I thought, a certain amount of flattery is beneficial. Alright, I’m an adult!”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, saying something like that so boldly is –”
Prez: “The Letter Segment!”
Sugisaki: “She ignored me?! Even though we’re on the radio she refused to argue back and forth with me?!” (2)
Chizuru: “That’s the Aka-chan Quality.”
Sugisaki: “Why do you only say things at crucial moments like that?! Take the lead more often please!”
Chizuru: “…………”
Sugisaki: “Stop keeping silent while we’re on the radio!”
Prez: “Now then, let’s look at a letter.”
Sugisaki: “Moving on is more important?! Are you ignoring how the conversation is going?!”
Prez: “‘Everyone in the student council, guud ebening!’ Yes, guud ebening!” (3)
Sugisaki: “Eh? What’s with that embarrassing greeting?! Is that a normal thing to do?”
The female group: “‘Guud ebening!’”
Sugisaki: “Is this some common knowledge that I didn’t know?”
Prez: “‘I always enjoy listening to All-Night Anytime-Anywhere.’ Thanks!”
Sugisaki: “That’s a lie! This is supposed to be the first broadcast!”
Prez: “Chonological order is just a minor issue, Sugisaki. Especially for the radio.”
Sugisaki: “It really is ‘Anytime-Anywhere!’”
Prez: “Oh, and I forgot to mention, but just in case, this is a live broadcast. We probably don’t have too many listeners, but you’ll hear us broadcast again tomorrow during lunch.”
Sugisaki: “No wonder we were able to get mail! Also, please be more careful with what you say!”
Prez: “Yes yes. Now, continuing with the mail. ‘By the way, I have a question for everyone. What sort of confession would make you happy? Right now, I’m in love, but I’m lost on how to confess. Kuri-nee, please give me some advice.’” (4)
Sugisaki: “He just called you ‘Kuri-nee!’ Even though you’re such a loli!”
Prez: “Well now…… This is a pretty hard problem. But, since you asked me, who’s experienced in love –”
Sugisaki: “Even though you haven’t even held hands with a guy before……”
Prez: “I think a normal confession should work fine.”
Sugisaki: “She gave some halfassed advice!!!!!!”
Prez: “What do you think Chizuru?”
Chizuru: “Well now……He should do as he sees fit. I have nothing to do with it.”
Sugisaki: “The radio personality was cold to the listener!!!!!!”
Prez: “What about you Mafuyu-chan?”
Mafuyu: “Eh? L, let’s see…… Um…… Mafuyu……….. Doesn’t really know.
Sugisaki: “And there’s the unthinkable ‘I don’t know!!!!!!’”
Prez: “And Minatsu?”
Minatsu: “Just go for it! That’s all!”
Sugisaki: “Treat the listener’s hearts more carefully!”
Prez: “The next letter. ‘I have your younger sister. If you want her back, put money –’ …… Hm? Huh? This is the wrong mail. Hey staff, get it together would you! Geez…… So, next.”
Sugisaki: “She just ignored it?! Can she really just easily ignore the contents of the letter just now?!”
Prez: “‘Everyone in the student council, guud ebening!’ Yes, guud ebening!”
The female group: “‘Guud ebening!’”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, why is this the thing everyone goes along with!? When did you plan that!?”
Prez: “‘Kuri-nee, what should I do? I need money fast…… My little sister was kidnapped and my parents have been running around raising money, but we haven’t gathered enough…… what should I do?’”
Sugisaki: “What a deep problem!!!!!! I mean, you should’ve called the police before mailing here! Moreover, this is unmistakably related to that mail from before!”
Prez: “Hmm…… well now. I know. To radio name: ‘Victim’s relative’-san, a present from Fujimi Shobo, ‘A Sizeable Sum of Collected Money!’ Just wait for it.”
Sugisaki: “Eeeeeeeehhh?! You have it prepared?! Moreover, you’re just going to arbitrarily take it from our sponsor! You can do that?!”
Prez: “That all depends on Fujimi Shobo.”
Sugisaki: “Why are you acting so arrogantly?!”
Prez: “Alright, so, here’s a song. I released this new single the other day. Let’s listen to ‘Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore!’”
Sugisaki: “Be more considerate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Here you go!”
–
♪ “Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore” Full Playback ♪
–
Prez: “Now then, that was the highly acclaimed single ‘Sister Won’t Come Home Anymore,’ now on sale! Enjoy the debut single ‘Brother Became a Skeleton’ that is included as well!”
Sugisaki: “What the hell happened in your past?!”
Prez: “Now, this usual segment. ‘The Shiina Sisters and their Sisterly Yuriyuri♪!’”
Sugisaki: “……………… Th, that I kinda want to listen to.”
Mafuyu: “Senpai?! Please properly retort at that!”
Minatsu: “Yeah! I never heard anything about that!”
Prez: “In this segment, listeners send in embarrassing yuri-like scenarios for the Shiina sisters to act out. It’s a popular segment.”
Sugisaki: “It’s a popular segment…… I shouldn’t be saying this, but are the students here right in the head?”
Prez: “I personally don’t like it but…… Look, we have to please them, alright? If you do it, the students should be satisfied for the time being.”
Sugisaki: “Like I said, please don’t say things like that while we’re on air!”
Prez: “Well, take it away, Shiina sisters. Here’s the script.”
Mafuyu: “O, ooohh…… do we really have to do it?”
Minatsu: “Whoa, what’s with this?! There’s no way I’m readin’ this!”
Prez: “Hey Minatsu! Don’t run away! A real vice-president can overcome this!”
Sugisaki: “That has nothing to do with the requirements of a vice-president……”
Minatsu: “……Looks like I don’t have a choice.”
Sugisaki: “Why did you agree with her?!”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu also…… made up Mafuyu’s mind.”
Sugisaki: “What made you do that?!”
Chizuru: “Hmph…… that’s why they’re the Shiina sisters.”
Sugisaki: “Why do you only ever remember to say things at the weird parts?!”
Prez: “Well then, go for it!”
–
♪Atmospheric BGM♪
“Mafuyu…… I can’t……”
“Aah, Onee-chan…… Hn! Ah, haahaa…” (5)
“Mafuyu…… you’re so cute Mafuyu……”
“Onee……-cha…………Hnn!”
–
Sugisaki: “Wait wait wait wait wait! Personally, this excites me, but isn’t this a bit much for an in-school broadcast?!”
Prez: “Y, yeah…… Th, that’s true. Th, this was, going a bit far.”
Mafuyu: “Eeeeehh?! Let us do just a bit more!”
Minatsu: “So cruel! If you give us that sort of reaction, it’ll really make us want to run away!”
Chizuru: “The Shiina sisters’ relationship is a violation against the broadcasting code. I wonder, could you two keep that relationship more private?”
Minatsu: “Don’t say something that can cause a misunderstanding! Our private lives aren’t like that!”
Mafuyu: “Th, that’s right! All the listeners, please don’t believe her!”
Chizuru: “…… I see. Yes, let’s go with that for now. I said something careless, I’m sorry you two.”
Shiina Sisters: “Just stop alreadyyyyyyy!”
Prez: “W, well, now, the next segment! Sugisaki Ken’s ‘If You’re Going to Hit Someone, Hit Me!’”
Sugisaki: “What the hell is THIS segment?!”
Prez: “In this segment, if someone in the school is so angry that he or she wants to punch someone, that person should use Sugisaki as a target and vent on him instead.”
Sugisaki: “What about my human rights?!”
Prez: “Settling student quarrels is also part of the student council’s job. Therefore, if you have any people troubles today, Class 2-B’s Sugisaki Ken can help, so –”
Sugisaki: “Don’t call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (6)
Prez: “I guess it can’t be helped…… Since we have no applicants, today we’ll skip this segment.”
Sugisaki: “Why is it that the segment I’m responsible for is the only one like that?”
Prez: “Well, next up is my segment! ‘Fan Letters to Sakurano Kurimu!’”
Sugisaki: “An obvious differentiation?! This segment is extremely different isn’t it?!
Prez: “A letter from someone who wants to be kept anonymous. Ahem. ‘Sakurano Kurimu-sama. Whenever I see your cuteness, my heart skips a beat –”
Sugisaki: “Rather than a fan letter, isn’t that a love letter?! Who?! Who’s this guy making a pass at my woman?! He’s got some nerve! Get out here! I’ll make sure he – guh!”
Prez: “Wh, what the hell are you blurting out?!”
Sugisaki: “B, but, there’s a guy sending love letters to my girlfriend……”
Prez: “I’m not your girlfriend! Don’t say weird things during a radio broadcast!”
Sugisaki: “Forgive me. I just lost my cool. But I did nothing wrong.”
Prez: “Why are you so shameless?!”
Sugisaki: “Oooh…… B, but, umm, give me a break. I can’t bear this ‘Letters to the Prez’ segment. I’ll go mad with jealousy.”
Prez: “Ooh……”
Minatsu: “………… Not that it matters, but could you quit flirting and move on already?”
Prez: “W, we’re not flirting! Minatsu, you also stop saying weird things! G, geez…… Now the mood’s all messed up. Ahem…… Well, the next segment……”
Mafuyu: “Ah, but when all is said and done, it seems you did listen to Senpai and stop reading letters.”
Prez: “Ooh…… A, anyways, next! ‘Academy 5-7-5.’”(7)
Sugisaki: “…… Somehow, it’s suddenly a normal, standard segment.”
Prez: “Yeah, because I ran out of ideas.”
Sugisaki: “She said it!”
Prez: “In this segment, we will introduce amusing haikus related to the school that listeners have thought up.
Sugisaki: “Conversely, it’s such a normal segment that it feels dangerous.”
Prez: “Ahem. Now then, let’s go. A haiku from someone who wants to remain anonymous.”
–
“Reduce to ashes
Burst into flames and burn down
Sugisaki’s house” (8)
–
Prez: “…… That was a splendid poem. It was as if the scene were actually before my eyes.”
Sugisaki: “…………”
Prez: “…? Umm…… Sugisaki? It might be weird for me to say this but…… you won’t retort this?”
Sugisaki: “No……………… Forgive me. I can feel a real sense of physical danger, so I can’t really get into it.”
Prez: “Ahhh……”
Minatsu: “……That one was crossing the line……”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu was also taken aback a bit.”
Chizuru: “Well, however, that is true. In essence, this is the position that Key-kun is in. Not only is he a part of the group where everyone’s admired beauties gather, but he himself talks about ‘capturing’ and ‘harems’ and the like…… you reap what you sow.”
Sugisaki: “Ooh, ooooh…… Y, yaah! Who cares?! This is my harem! You got a problem with that? If you want a fight you’ve got it! So –”
Prez: “So?”
–
Sugisaki: “If you’re going to use fire please just spare me. I am sorry.”
–
Prez: “……While Sugisaki is crying and prostrating himself even though he’s on the radio, how about we look at the next letter. Looks like…… this one also wants to be anonymous. Ahem.”
–
“No money at all
But an excess of power
I’m the kidnapper” (9)
–
Sugisaki: “It’s the kidnapper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Eh? What? What are you talking about?”
Sugisaki: “Well, I mean, that the kidnapping case from earlier – N, no, before that, that guy’s name and address! Did he write it down?!”
Prez: “He didn’t but…… in he wrote a P.S. saying ‘I also demanded 20,000 yen!’” (10)
Sugisaki: “20,000 yen?! That’s a cheap ransom for the sister of a fellow student! Why aren’t both parents able to prepare that?!”
Prez: “Even if you ask me…… Sugisaki. In this world, there are many people who aren’t blessed.”
Sugisaki: “Th, that’s true but……! Somehow this incident…… feels relatively silly.”
Prez: “Everyone realized that from the start. Anyway, I’m going to continue with the radio.”
Sugisaki: “And so while we were recording… or maybe I should say broadcasting… we seem to have settled the kidnapping incident…”
Prez: “Now then, the last haiku. Ahem.”
–
“Now seriously
Properly go do your work
You student council” (11)
–
Sugisaki: “And there’s the true opinion of the students!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Prez: “Really now, that’s just rude.”
Sugisaki: “No……It’s a bit weird for me to say it, but I really understand where this guy is coming from.”
Minatsu: “I also understand.”
Mafuyu: “Mafuyu also understands.”
Prez: “What?! If we need to work, we work properly!”
Chizuru: “We’ve also been doing a lot of things that we don’t need to do.”
Prez: “I don’t like this. This segment is done.”
Sugisaki: “I don’t think that kind of attitude is appropriate!”
Prez: “Now then…… so, we seem to be getting close to the end, so how about we talk freely?”
Sugisaki: “Even though we’ve had plenty freedom up till now……”
Minatsu: “Oh, Prez-san. Looks like some mail came in.”
Prez: “Eh? What is it?”
Mafuyu: “Well, let’s see. It seems like, ‘The aforementioned kidnapping of my sister had been resolved safely.’ That’s good!”
Sugisaki: “Ohh…… It’s been resolved. Good good.”
Chizuru: “……tch.”
Sugisaki: “That was really loud, Chizuru-san. That tongue click of yours just now.”
Chizuru: “I have no idea what you could be talking about.”
Sugisaki: “To say that while recording & broadcasting, what’s with that confident denial?!”
Chizuru: “But…… it was resolved surprisingly quickly. What was the culprit like?”
Mafuyu: “Umm…… Mafuyu doesn’t really know, but it looks like the kidnapped sister beat down the culprit herself. Right now the culprit is…… in critical condition.”
Sugisaki: “The culprit who only wanted 20,000 yen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Mafuyu: “It looks like the sister was also just basically hanging out with the culprit of her own accord. But…… she happened to be listening to this broadcast, realized herself that she’d been kidnapped, and in panic, beat up the culprit……”
Sugisaki: “It’s our fault?!”
Minatsu: “In the end, why did the guy need 20,000 yen……?”
Minatsu: “Umm…… Let’s see. According to the mail…… alright, it looks like, before the culprit lost consciousness he said, ‘I only…… wanted to return……. The 20,000 yen I borrowed…… from this girl’s older sister. Gack,’ and collapsed.”
Sugisaki: “Are you kidding me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, the root of evil was the older sister?! The listener?!”
Mafuyu: “At the end of the mail, that listener had sent the message ‘Evil will be punished! Ahaha!’”
Sugisaki: “These listeners are really irresponsible!”
Mafuyu: “N, now now. The case was settled……”
Sugisaki: “…… when this broadcast ends, I will go visit the culprit at the hospital. Please be okay……”
Prez: “A, ahem. Um…… A lot of things happened, but it looks like the time for this broadcast to end has come.”
Sugisaki: “At long last…… these short programs were pretty surprisingly deep……”
Prez: “Finally, we will end with ‘Today’s Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.’ With that, see you next week everyone!”
♪Mysterious BGM♪
Chizuru: “And now, for Today’s Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.
“To this school’s Leos. In a few days, you will find yourselves involved in a situation like that of a very bizarre story. Please be advised. Should you see the TATARI, please run away with all your might. (12)
“Your lucky color is ‘murderous intent.’ (13) Whether it’s dusky or deep red, or something else, I’ll let each of you imagine it for yourself.
“Your lucky item is ‘a nuke.’ It’s better for you to always carry it around. If you’re a Metal Gear, then that should be possible. (14)
“Finally, one piece of advice.
–
“Don’t die.
–
“That is all for Chizuru’s Fortune-Telling.”
–
Sugisaki: “That’s scary! All the Leos will be anxious till the end of today!”
Chizuru: “We shall meet again this time next week…… except the Leos.”
Sugisaki: “Nooooooooo! The Leoooooooooooooooooooooooooos!”
–
♪ED Music “Brother Became a Skeleton” ♪
–
***
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) Fujimi Shobo is the publishing company that distributes SeiZon.
(2) Sugisaki: used the phrase “kotoba no kyacchibooru” which basically means “playing catch with words,” but that’s not really something we say in English.
(3) So, this theoretical letter writer wrote “konbappaa!” which is a (supposedly) cutesy twist on “konbanwa” or “good evening.” Thus… that.
(4) The writer refers to Kurimu as “Kuri-nee,” which implies both familiarity and respect as an older person. Basically, it’s making Kurimu seem reliable and respectably mature. Whether or not she really is has yet to be seen…
(5) Mafuyu refers to Minatsu as “Onee-chan,” which is a somewhat familiar way of referring to an older sister.
(6) A lot of the issue with translating is realizing that verbs are always at the very end in Japanese. In this case, Kurimu was intending to say “Gorenraku wo suru,” which means “(do) contact him.” However, Sugisaki interrupts and finishes her sentence as “Gorenraku wo suru na!” which changes it to “don’t contact him!” The trouble here was bringing the negative to Sugisaki’s line which would make things awkward.
(7) 5-7-5 refers to a haiku, three lines with 5, 7, then 5 syllables each repesctively.
(8) The more literal translation of the poem is “Burn away/burst into flame and burn/the Sugisaki house,” but I wanted to try and keep the syllable count.
(9) Same thing with the syllable count. Literal translation: “No money/excess influence/kidnapper.”
(10) At this time, that equals about 199 USD. Also, this kidnapper has some cheap demands.
(11) Same for the other poems. Translation: “Come diligently/do your work/student council.”
(12) A being from Melty Blood, the fighting game spinoff of the visual novel series Tsukihime.
(13) She really did say “satsui no iro” or “the color of the intent to kill.”
(14) Seeing as she straight up says “Metal Gear,” I probably don’t need to explain this.
