Chapter 04: Immortal Boy and the prelude of Despair
The sky was covered in clouds.
The oppressive dark of the grey sky seemed to curse <his> action.
But <he> wasn’t so weak as to give up with just that.
It was a small town. Technically it was in the Kanto region, but it couldn’t be called a big city at all. It was a perfect provincial town, so <he> wondered if their <god> was really here.
But there were no other choices. The only one <he> could rely on now was <God’s child>. Opening the cell phone, <he> looked at the mail that <he> already read a couple of times. There had been a couple of mails from <God’s child>. The mail originator contacted <him> when he read <his> post on the bulletin board. <God’s child> expressed an approval to <his> thoughts and pledged to support <him> on all fronts. Thanks to that, <he> got a lot of detailed data on their <god>.
Now all that was left was how to deal with is.
<He> had an idea. God was dead. But no one, <him> included, wished for that. But the creator was gone while leaving showing an obvious weakness. <He> was disappointed and in despair. The saviour, who had finally appeared before <him>, had miserably fallen to the earth.
<God> had to be punished.
By <him>, who would become a new <god>.
<He> walked on the street. <He> had a few candidates. <He> also knew were they lived. But the problem was whom to choose. Starting with someone, who had wide connections, was a bit of a problem.
At large this was a shopping street. There was a game-center, a bookstore, a toy shop and a big shopping mall. Also, a lot of people. Loud laughing and shrill talking. So noisy. So annoying. So disgusting.
They were all plebs. Not feeling anything, not thinking anything, not doing anything, just entrusting their bodies to the never-ending daily life. They didn’t know the real pleasure of this world and just spent their lives practically.
Aww, so displeasing. Quite so.
Whom to choose. Whom to kill. Whom to settle on.
<He> randomly wandered around when he was talked to.
“Hey, you.”
<He> stopped and turned around. There stood a woman in jeans and a jacket over her shirt. Her black hair was tied at the back.
“Where are you going now? You’re in casual clothes, but what about school?”
“…”
“I wish you would answer me. This is kinda my job, so I’ll be in trouble if you don’t answer. Are you a student from Meitou Academy? Today is it’s founddation day, isn’t it?”
Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she?
“….Doesn’t concern you.”
“Well, normally you would be right. But you know”
The woman put her hand into her pocket and pulled something out that looked like a card case. She opened it and hold it out vertically. It showed the woman’s picture and her name. And beneath that was a police sign.
“I work at the juvenile crime section at the Meitou Police Station. So I have to hear out boys like you, who don’t like being tied down. I might even have to contact your parents.”
“I… haven’t really done anything.”
“I hope so. But I have regulations, so could you answer me?”
“…It is the foundation day.”
“Really?”
The woman raised an eyebrow. “Then why didn’t you answer me immediately?”
<He> averted his gaze. The woman said.
“…Sorry, but can you come with me for a bit?”
“Nope.”
“Don’t say that. Katsudon is out of the question, but I can treat you to some tea.”
The woman grabbed <his> arm. She was smiling, but exerting quite the strength.
“…Let me go.”
“Mhm, I can’t really do that.”
<He> tried to shake her hand off. But the woman didn’t let go and forcefully dragged him along.
“Let me…”
“Really, it’s only for a bit. Stop resisting or it will just become too bothersome.”
“Shut up–”
<He> reached into <his> pocket to confirm that the weapon was there. Then <he> shouted.
“Shut the fuck up!”
<He> pulled away his arm and at the same time cut her arm. The woman let out a small scream and let go off <him>. On that chance, <he> ran away.
“Ah, hey—-Geez, if you had followed me obediently, you would have been free in a couple of hours! Wait up!”
<He> paid the woman, who came chasing after <him>, no mind and ran into a crowd of people.
Pissed off. Annoyed. Irritating. Noisy. Disgusting. Anger.
Ten minutes had passed. It seemed that <he> got away, so <he> caught his breath and looked around. But the woman wasn’t seen anywhere.
<He> hated her type of person. It didn’t concern anyone where and what <he> was doing. <He> had a convex mission. For that reason <he> was walking around all of Japan. What was wrong with that? So what about school? What point was it to go to a place, where they crammed useless information into your head? So what about parents? They only existed to pay for your living. Both were an annoyance. Meaningless for <him>, who would become a god.
Aw, so disgusting. An irritation <he> could not suppress. At this point, anyone would do. <He> would kill the first to catch <his> eye—-
“…Here, Granny, your luggage.”
Suddenly <he> heard a voice and turned around.
Before <he> had noticed, <he> had reached a main street. A woman, who just seemed to have crossed the cross-walk, handed vinyl-bag filled with ingredients to an older woman besides her.
“Thank you for going out of your way and helping me.”
“No problem. There’s no traffic light, even though so many cars pass by here. So it can be quite the trouble to cross over. I’m used to it though.”
The woman waved her hand with a smile and asked the elder woman “Be careful. Or should I escort you to your home?”.
“I’m fine. But what about you? Weren’t you on your way somewhere?”
“Mhm, yeah, I’m completely late.”
The woman gave a wry smile, whereupon the elder woman raised her eyebrows and said “Oh my, I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it will work out when I apologize. Anyway, I’m glad you made it over all safely, Granny.”
Then the woman raised her hand with a “Okay, see you, Granny”. The elder woman nodded, said back a “Thank you so much”, took her luggage and left. The woman watched her for a while, then she said “Okay!” with a satisfied look, readied the bag hanging on her shoulder and looked at her wrist watch. “Ah” She let out a voice.
“Already this late…. I have to hurry.”
Then she left the main street in a hurry and entered a shappy, empty alley. Most likely she wanted to take a shortcut. <He> opened his eyes. And <he> thought: Ah, this is it. This is—fate. A lucky chance granted to the human, who’s meant to become <god>.
<He> opened his cell phone and confirmed it. There was no doubt. It was her.
A wicked smile formed on <his> face. It seemed <he> would achieve <his> goal sooner than expected.
She will do—
She had been <his> favourite ever since <he> had gotten the information. She was a clever woman, who deceived others by making herself to look like a good person. Yeah, her. She would be it.
<He> started to move. <He> hastened his pace. The woman didn’t notice. How dumb she was. There was no merit in letting her live.
<He> reached into his pocket. <His> beloved knife was there. <He> took it out, unsheathed it and bared the blade. Soon <he> fell into a trot.
The distance to the woman closed. <He> draw closer and closer. Still, the woman didn’t turn around.
And then, <he>—
About one hour had passed.
“These two are late.”
I stood at the fountain in front of the station and spoke to myself while checking the time on my cell phone.
Unfortunately I had nothing on me to kill time, so I could only pointlessly watch the scenery before me. For a weekday it was awfully crowded. Within that, there were some clearly the same age as me. My school had the foundation day today, so I was excused, but I wonder if these guys were actually ever going to school. Such pointless thoughts crossed my mind.
How did all of this start? Right, when I was talking with Kirisaki and Rin, I said “There’s a book I want to buy” without any special meaning. Upon that Rin raised her hand and said “I also want to buy a CD”. Likewise Kirisaki declared “I have something in mind that I would like to buy”. I forgot who suggested it, but it was decided that we go out shopping together on the next Thursday, meeting at 1pm at the fountain. Rin had tried to decline with some stupid reason of “I wouldn’t want to impose on you two”, but I didn’t mind, so I somewhat forcefully made her come. To be honest, it was somewhat dangerous to spend the afternoon all alone with Kirisaki.
But they were late. Did I mistake the meeting time?
I tilted my head, when I heard a bright voice.
“Kugito.”
I turned around. Kirisaki Kyouko was running with a bright smile while waving her hand.
“Ku-gi-to~”
With a blinding smile, Kirisaki draw closer. That scene was just so fitting for a TV drama that I somehow felt that time ran slower. I returned a faint smile and spread my arms as to welcome her.
“Hah!”
When she leaned forward, I jumped backwards right before her arms. Kirisaki’s arms, which were about to embrace me, cut through the air.
“…What are you doing?”
“Because you’re always plotting something when you act like a normal girl.”
“Hahah. Don’t be stupid. Now, where’s my welcome hug?”
Step by step Kirisaki draw closer. I took my distance and kept away.
“Be honest. What’s your intention?”
“Nothing. What are you so angry about?”
“About all your actions.”
Kirisaki and me faced off while going in a circle in the middle of the street as if we were fighting a death match. Why did I have to endure such suspense on my holiday and even in such a crowded place?
“Fufu. You’re such a coward, Kugito.”
“Say what you want, but I’ll prioritize my own well-being.”
Kirisaki looked at me like a beast looks at his prey. Any time now, she’ll come…! Thinking that, I pointed behind her and shouted.
“AH! A time hole opened!”
“WHAT!? The day has finally come!?”
Would anyone really turn around on that? Well, whatever. Take this! I launched at Kirisaki’s back. I ignored her “Ah!”, grabbed her shoulders and twisted her arms. It was a joint lock.
“Ouch! It hurts, Kugito!”
“Give up! What were you trying to do?”
The people around us made a ruckus. Now that I thought about it, a boy holding a young girl in a submission move wasn’t such a favorable scene.
“…Uhn, okay. I’ll tell you, so let go. I like causing pain, but I’m no fan of the opposite.”
What an unseemly comment. I released Kirisaki and walked away from the eyes of the people around us. “C’mon, let’s go.” I grabbed her hand, when Kirisaki pouted while revealing the big knife that she had hidden behind her back. I took it away from her.
“I hope you aren’t wearing another knife at your legs.”
“The one you’re holding right now is the one I usually have on my thighs.”
“Good. I’ll keep this.”
“…Kugito, you meanie.”
I could say the same. Damn, causing me all this unnecessary trouble.
We went back to where we came from.
“….Reminds me, is Kuon Rin here yet?”
“Nah, not yet. Well, her running late isn’t unusual, so don’t worry.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. Because she always end up helping people on the way to the meeting spot. She was once left behind on a school trip because of it.”
“Wow…Well, that’s just like her.”
Yeah. But what should we do? Whenever I tried to call her on her cell phone, I only got the answering machine.
“Do we wait for a bit longer?”
“Yeah. By the way, Kugito, don’t you have anything to say when you look at me?”
“Anything? Like what? There isn’t really anything different about you. If I had to say anything, I would say it’s my first time seeing you in casual clothes.”
“You noticed it, but don’t know what to do. You’re beyond help…”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing really……There.”
Pierce. GYAA.
“Don’t stab me!”
“Hmpf.”
Or rather, she actually had another one! Kirisaki, who had pulled out a knife from her sleeves, laughed.
“Women are full of secrets.”
Don’t put your weird fetishes together with the general public.
“Geez…. Well, she’s still not here? It’s quite rare for her to be this late.”
I tilted my head. For a while, without saying anything , I spent time looking at the clock and the scenery before me.
Then Kirisaki suddenly shouted “Kugito!”
“What?”
“No, well…you know.”
She was stuttering on a rare occasion, so I turned my gaze from the crowd to her.
Kirisaki was unusually looking down with her hands together behind her back. Her feet coming out of the one-piece were knocking on the concrete. Speaking of, she was actually wearing a one-piece. I thought she would wear something more boyish. Well, that aside.
“What’s with you, it’s creepy.”
“No…. Well, if you don’t want to, just say so.”
“Don’t want to.”
“….You turn me down before I even ask?”
“Can’t be any decent anyway.”
“Th- That’s not true.”
Kirisaki said a bit flustered. Now that made even me bewildered. I tried to get a better look at her face and said “Okay, then go on”. Upon that Kirisaki looked up a bit.
“Just for a bit will do.”
“…Ah. Geez, that again? You can’t endure it any longer?”
Was that the reason her face was so red for a while now? ….What a troublesome fellow. I don’t like being attacked out of nowhere like before, but it was different when she asked me beforehand. Well, at times where she really couldn’t endure it any more, I’ll forgive it. That was our promise to begin with.
“That said, this place isn’t any good… So let’s better change the location.”
“That’s not it.”
Kirisaki grabbed on my hand when I was about to leave. I turned around and made a perplexed expression.
“You’re being weird.”
“Well—“
Kirisaki said with a faint voice as she was about to faint.
“—of us go around?”
“Huh? What?”
“I said”
She raised her head completely and opened her mouth to the fullest.
“Why don’t just the two of us go around?”
“…Just you and me? What about Rin?”
“J- Just for a bit. It shouldn’t matter. She’ll surely call us if something is up.”
Well, she had a point.
“Why just us two? You don’t want Rin to find out about the thing you buy?”
“Ah, yeah, that too. I want you to tag along for a bit.”
“I don’t really mind.”
I scratched my neck. “You’re kind weird today. Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?”
“Wh- What’s the problem, really. Even I am like that sometimes.”
“I don’t think that’s an answer to my question.”
“Shut up! It’s decided now, so let’s go, Kugito!”
“Sure.”
I replied easygoing, when Kirisaki grabbed my hand and started to pull me along with a “This way”.
I opened my cell phone, confirmed that there were no mails or calls from Rin and closed it again.
…..Did something happen to her?
I wasn’t quite sure myself, but usually when a girl drags off a guy for shopping it’s to a clothing shop or an ice cream parlor. If not that, then a book or CD store. And at times, when she has such a hobby, it would be an anime goods store.
But the store Kirisaki dragged me to, was a small store that you entered through a back alley. It hadn’t had any signs, but there were a lot of people despite that.
“…What’s this place?”
In front of the store was a glass case that displayed knifes and airguns.
“It’s an army shop. It’s quite famous amongst those who know it. Some really good stuff is sold here.”
“….Oh really.”
“Give me a minute.”
Saying that, Kirisaki entered the store. I stood there bored. She was truly a weird girl.
When I looked around, I noticed that the alley in stood in was full of stores that sold stuff like this one. To think our city had such a maniac zone, I only got to know about it after 17 years of life. Amazing that Kirisaki found this, even though she only just transferred over here. You couldn’t underestimate a maniac’s sense of smell.
After a while, Kirisaki came out. She made a slightly disappointed expression, so they probably hadn’t had the thing she wanted. She said “Let’s look around a bit more”, so I followed.
“What are you looking for?”
“The knife I’m using right now is pretty old and reaching it’s end soon. It’s getting jagged and rusty. So I want to get a new one. I had my eyes on a few ones, but none that met all my requirements. The one I wanted was sold out.”
“I see. Though from my point of view, the knives all look the same.”
“That’s not true, Kugito. Not only are the shapes and acidity quite different, but also the grip and used steel. Especially for me it’s a matter of life or death.”
“I believe it’s rather a matter of life or death for me.”
“Don’t take it to heart. To begin with, knives have endless different ways of usage, unlike guns. Depending on the skills of the user it can be the best or worse weapon. For example the English military…”
It followed this and that. I couldn’t care less about this maniac talk. So I just randomly nodded with “Yeah” and “Yup”.
“Do you understand what that means?”
“Yeah.”
“WHAT!? You get it!? You’re amazing, Kugito. Even some experts have trouble understanding this theory.”
Eh, really? Wow, I’m good.
“…You weren’t listening, were you.”
“Haha, what are you saying.”
Kirisaki said “Forget it” and pouted. It was rather troubling to me when she was pouting.
“….In the end that’s all I can talk about. I’m a boring girl.”
“Self-awareness is one step in the right direction. But it must be hard for you. The stuff about knives aside, you can’t even talk to others about your tendency.”
“Yeah, but I’m used to it.”
Well, good then.
“Though to be honest… I just might have forced myself to get used to it.”
“Huh?”
“No—Ah!”
Kirisaki suddenly raised her voice. Then she started running towards a store. Huh, what? When I followed, Kirisaki was glued to a glass case, watching at a knife.
“That’s unsightly, so stop it.”
“I have only seen it in a magazine so far. Amazing. It’s a Randall knife…”
“A what?”
“A Randall knife. It’s a knife made by an American. It’s a fantastic work with high quality. …I only have my part-time money, so it’s way out of my reach.”
“Hmm.”
“Look at this brilliance. And the handworked shape. Simple, yet profound. Randall’s work aren’t just superior due to their shape, but also for the manifold ways of practical usage. Ahh, I wonder how pleasant it would feel if I were to cut through flesh with it…”
And the one being cut will be me.
“Is that knife that great?”
“It’s not simple ‘great’.”
Kirisaki turned around to me and started blabbering.
“You see, when Randall started making knives, he was basically an unknown! But! It all started when the second president wanted to make non-profitable, high quality knives! In a short time of period the company gained a reputation at a surprising speed and became first rate! When you hear of Randall knives, it all started from the legend how Minnark Forwald, a famous American soldier, survived the world war with just a Randall knife after he lost his gun. (‘%#”# (‘%$#”! &) %#”!”&) %”($””! (Didn’t listen anymore.)”
Sc- Scary—! Maniacs are scary—-!
“O- Okay, I get it.”
“Oh yeah? I can still go on.”
Looking somewhat unsatisfied, Kirisaki uttered a “But the real thing sure is different…” and stuck to the glass case again. She looked like a boy admiring a trumpet. Different from usual, she appeared somewhat like a girl. That appearance of hers was one of the very few human expressions she had.
“….You want it that bad?”
“Yeah, I always dreamt of owning one.”
“I see.”
I gave a light sigh and reached into my pocket. I took out my wallet. A couple of banknotes were smiling at me, since I put in a few more out of the living expenses for some books. Not really because of that, but I pondered for a bit. But I shook my head right after. If you’re hesistant, it’s better not to even consider alternatives to begin with.
“Kirisaki.”
Kirisaki turned around on my word.
“I’ll buy it for you.”
“Eh?”
“The knife. You want it, right?”
“….Are you sure?”
“I’m left with quite the sum of money as the technical head of the family. I got a bit to spare.”
“Well, but….”
She said, but fixed her gaze on the knife. But I sure was twisted. I mean, I would get stabbed by that knife.
“I don’t mind. Hurry up before I change my mind. How much is it?”
“….Mh. Ehm, this much.”
Kirisaki shyly lifted one finger.
“10k yen, huh. It’s expensive, but I can manage.”
“It’s 100k.”
“So expensive!”
So damn expensive—!
“It’s so expensive!”
“You don’t really need to repeat it.”
“100k, what the. Are they using diamonds for it or what?”
“That’s not it. But a knife of such quality costs at least that much.”
“But I mean, they’re even selling knives at the 100yen-store these days…”
“I have around 70k saved up….No, it won’t do. Sorry. Forget about it.”
Kirisaki made a wry smile. I sighed and scratched my head.
“…So you just need the remaining 30k?”
“Well, yeah, sure…”
That was still expensive… I hesitated. But I suggested it already and raised her hopes, so betraying her now would be intolerable. After a moment of hesitation, I pulled out a few 10k yen notes.
“Here, go buy it.”
“Kugito… are you sure?”
“Yeah. I said I would buy it for you, so I need to keep it at least partial.”
For a while it’ll be one rice ball for lunch now. Well, I’ll last for a while with just water.
Kirisaki faltered for a moment, but took the notes when I presented her them with “Mm”.
Then she entered the store with a “…Wait here a sec”.
When she came out soon after, she was hugging onto a paper bag. She didn’t even hide her joy.
“Did you get the one you wanted?”
“Yeah, I did. Now my errand is done. And quite satisfying at that.”
Good to hear. Then we should be off. I was about to head off when Kirisaki shouted “Kugito”.
“What?”
When I turned around, I stiffed up a bit.
“….Thanks.”
There stood Kirisaki with her cheeks red and an innocent smile perfectly befitting a young girl.
“Ah, well, yeah. No prob….”
Keep yourself together, myself. Calm down. What was I getting excited for? That’s Kirisaki! Remember how she usually acts! BE COOL, BE COOL, BE COOL!
“What’s up?”
“Nothing. It’s just, that is was like that and that’s that.”
That was like that and that’s that. Yeah.
“I don’t get it, but whatever. We better go back now.”
“Y- Yeah.”
I settled my breath and walked ahead. Kirisaki followed after me and said “Kugito” again.
“What?”
“Is there anything you want right now?”
“Huh? What’s with that out of the blue?”
“Just answer.”
I tilted my head on the sudden question and pondered. Let’s see….
“A dishwasher, I guess. It’s a pain to wish dishes for two by hand every day.”
“Not something a young boy would usually wish for.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Fine. What would you do if you had one?”
“What you ask…. Well, I would test out how good it works.”
“Yeah. That’s how it have to be.”
Kirisaki nodded a few times.
“So, Kugito.”
Kirisaki’s eyes sparkled like a puppy’s when it begged for food. Aw, I was getting really worried. A BAD FEELING that visited me more often since we started dating. Exactly like that.
“…Don’t stab me.”
I decided to beat her to it.
“Rejected!”
It was in vain.
“It’s a necessary ritual to get used to my new knife. C’mon, let’s hurry to a place without people.”
“Ehm, Kirisaki-san. Stabbing the person, who helped you buy it, right after, what’s going on in your mind? Now it looks like I gave you the money so that you can stab me.”
“You didn’t?”
“Uwa! A misunderstanding about an impossible point! My good-will goes down the drain!”
“Haha. Well, don’t sweat the details. Let’s hurry.”
NO-WAY-!
“…You said you want to try out your new knife, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
Ten minutes later. I stood in the same alley as before with holes all over my body.
“Normally when someone wants to try it out, wouldn’t they just cut once? Why did I have to be stabbed ten times? Don’t you know what ‘holding back’ means?”
“Holding back? First time I hear of it.”
I didn’t expect that.
“Well, just wrap some bandages around it and you’re fine.”
“That’s not the problem.”
“But a Randall knife is really in a different league. The sensation when I cut your skin, the clean cut and the ecstasy of cutting into your organs—“
There she goes again. Not hearing. I wasn’t hearing anything. I wasn’t anything of the maniac talk.
“By the way, Kugito.”
“…What?”
“There’s something I want you to do.”
“You’re going to stab me again!? I’m really at the end of my patience here!” Actually, be grateful I haven’t lost it until now!
“Hold it. Let’s stop this crude talking about stabbing and what not.”
“It was you, who made me start talking about this crude stuff!”
“…It’s okay. As thanks for buying me the knife and the testing, I’ll restrain myself for a while.”
…I hoped so.
“So, what is it?”
“Well…. You know.”
Kirisaki stuttered and looked down. It was quite scary when she behaved like a normal girl.
“C’mon, just say it. Our relationship isn’t really at a stage where you need to act embarrassed now.”
“You have a point—Well.”
For a while Kirisaki hesitated, then she raised her head at once. Now she said in a quiet voice.
“…ld hands.”
“Huh?”
I inquired. Kirisaki’s cheek turned lightly red as if she was angry. Then she said clearly.
“Your hand— I want to walk while holding your hand.”
Huh?
“What? Hoarding ants? Sorry, I’m not familiar with that language.”
“If you’re doing that on purpose, I’m going to stab you again.”
Hii.
“…No, well, I don’t mind. But why?”
“I sorta want to.”
“I see. But it’s a bit embarrassing.”
“It’s not a big deal. Or do you want to do something more embarrassing in a private room? I wouldn’t mind at all.”
I certainly did mind…..Anyway.
“Here.”
I put forth my hand. Kirisaki grabbed it with “…Mm”. While I wondered what a strange girl she was, since she made such a happy expression, I only noticed now how low her body temperature was.
Like that, Kirisaki and me walked the alley. For others we must have looked like a normal couple. Kirisaki too was just girl when she behaved normally. … Though she wasn’t just a girl, since she normally couldn’t do so.
But if she would just behave like this all the time, it wasn’t such a bad thing to walk around like this. Kirisaki was a dangerous girl, but once you get over that, she wasn’t all that different from others. Surprisingly she was rather considerate about her surroundings (except to me) and paid a lot of attention to her actions (except to me). I’m sure she would be able to make more friends if I were to agonize more from her. She might even be able to live the life of a normal high school girl.
I glanced to the side. Kirisaki was smiling.
“Are you that happy about the knife?”
“….Mh? Ah, well, that too.”
“Too?”
“Well….Ehm, you know, it’s my first.”
At what?
“Walking hand in hand with a boy my age.”
“Really? I thought you had dated a couple of guys already.”
“…I not once had a deep relationship with anyone so far. Be it boys or girls.”
Kirisaki said with a melancholic voice.
“Even if I made friends, it wouldn’t be for long. What if I stab them. Or even kill them. Even when I know I’m not supposed to do it, my urges are stronger than my feelings. When I start to act, I’m no longer sane. I have no way to prevent that. So I actually shouldn’t be able to get a lover. The more dear I hold someone, the more I have to keep away from him.”
The words were stuck in my throat. Not considering Kirisaki’s feelings, I had said something insensitive.
“…Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. And it’s not like that anymore.”
I tilted my head, whereupon Kirisaki looked up to me and smiled.
“I have you. Right now, I have you by my side. That’s enough for me.”
“You…”
I was at a loss for words, so I just looked up to the sky.
“…But it gnaws at my conscience that I dragged you into all this.”
“What are you saying at this point?”
“It, It’s not like I was all fine with it all. I always felt regret. It’s just… You might call it selfishness, but still, I…”
Kirisaki increased the strength on her grip at bit.
“A bit longer, just a bit longer—With thoughts like that, I somehow made it this far. …True, at this point it’s….But I feel bad for the trouble I cause you.”
I scratched my head. Like I thought, she was being weird today. When she said all that, I couldn’t say anything back.
“…No I’m not really—“
At that moment.
My cell phone rang.
I swallowed down the words I was about to say and looked at the display. It was from Rin. I took the call.
“…Hello. Kuon? What’s up with you? You’re spreading your kindness again?”
“….”
“…Kuon? What’s the matter?”
“…gi-chan?”
She was hard to hear. But it wasn’t like the reception was bad, Rin’s voice was just strangely scratchy.
“Sorry, can you say that again?”
“Kugi….-chan?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Where are you right now?”
“…I…. sorry… might…. not make… there.”
I got a bad feeling at Rin’s broken speech. From time to time I could hear a leaking gasp. I had a really bad feeling.
“…Hey, Kuon, what’s wrong?”
“I… sud…denly…”
“Where are you? I’ll come over.”
“….from behind…. Someone….”
A groaning voice. Panickiness crawled up my back.
“Hey, Kuon, are you okay? Just wait a bit, I’ll come over real quick. Are you okay?”
“….Kugi…-chan…I….”
A WHACK could be heard. Then the line was suddenly cut.
“….What’s up, Kugito?”
“….Sorry, Kirisaki. Kuon—Rin was being weird. I’m going.”
I let go off her hand. I feel bad for her, but I had no time to explain the situation. I started sprinting with all my might.
“Hey, Kugito!?”
A creepy uneasiness came over me. A shapeless emotion gave the impulse and moved my body. I didn’t know what had actually happened, yet a vision floated in my head. While desperately shaking off this ultimate despaired vision, I ran into a crowed and headed for the pointed destination. People became fewer. On a wide street a bit apart from the shopping street was no one. There I shouted.
“Kuon! Where are you!”
No answer. My uneasiness grew even greater.
“Kuon!”
While looking around, I spotted a familiar silhouette.
“Sis!”
“Kugito? Huh, even Kirisaki-san. What are you doing here?”
“Sis, have you seen Kuon… a girl with braids?”
“No. Why?”
“She’s my friend. I got a strange call. Something might have happened—-”
We could hear a scream. I turned around.
“Hey, Kugito, just what happened—”
I had no time to answer Kirisaki, who asked that. I dashed away. I could heart the two of them following after me. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry! My breathing increased. I had no feeling in my body. Still, I ran. I continued to run. Rin’s face floated in my head.
A few people were peeking into a road between two buildings. “Move it!” I forcefully made my way through the curious onlookers onto the road.
…And then.
“—Kuon?”
I had arrived.
At the worst place ever.
Someone was laying face-down on the ground with a cell phone in one hand. When I saw something red on the back, my mind went black.
Something red. ….Something? Don’t whitewash it! I scolded myself.
It was blood—–
Blood was coming out of Rin’s back and forming a red puddle on the concrete.
“Please make way!”
My sister’s voice from behind. She made her way through the crowd, coming over to Rin.
I heard Kirisaki shouted ‘Kugito”. But it felt so far away.
“Kuon….”
I was dumbfounded. Dejection was ruling over me. I couldn’t believe the reality before my eyes. Just what had happened? Wasn’t it supposed to be another peaceful, but boring day?
What was this?
What—-was this!?
“Rin—”
I fell on my knees. I saw my sister calling someone on her cell phone. Everything felt like it was happening in a different world.
A voice poured out of my mouth. But it were only meaningless words.
An unstoppable something stirred up inside me from the bottom of my stomach. But my body wasn’t listening to me and I could only continue to scream.
I was just miserable and reality went on, leaving me behind.
Chapter 04: Immortal Boy and the prelude of Despair
The sky was covered in clouds.
The oppressive dark of the grey sky seemed to curse <his> action.
But <he> wasn’t so weak as to give up with just that.
It was a small town. Technically it was in the Kanto region, but it couldn’t be called a big city at all. It was a perfect provincial town, so <he> wondered if their <god> was really here.
But there were no other choices. The only one <he> could rely on now was <God’s child>. Opening the cell phone, <he> looked at the mail that <he> already read a couple of times. There had been a couple of mails from <God’s child>. The mail originator contacted <him> when he read <his> post on the bulletin board. <God’s child> expressed an approval to <his> thoughts and pledged to support <him> on all fronts. Thanks to that, <he> got a lot of detailed data on their <god>.
Now all that was left was how to deal with is.
<He> had an idea. God was dead. But no one, <him> included, wished for that. But the creator was gone while leaving showing an obvious weakness. <He> was disappointed and in despair. The saviour, who had finally appeared before <him>, had miserably fallen to the earth.
<God> had to be punished.
By <him>, who would become a new <god>.
<He> walked on the street. <He> had a few candidates. <He> also knew were they lived. But the problem was whom to choose. Starting with someone, who had wide connections, was a bit of a problem.
At large this was a shopping street. There was a game-center, a bookstore, a toy shop and a big shopping mall. Also, a lot of people. Loud laughing and shrill talking. So noisy. So annoying. So disgusting.
They were all plebs. Not feeling anything, not thinking anything, not doing anything, just entrusting their bodies to the never-ending daily life. They didn’t know the real pleasure of this world and just spent their lives practically.
Aww, so displeasing. Quite so.
Whom to choose. Whom to kill. Whom to settle on.
<He> randomly wandered around when he was talked to.
“Hey, you.”
<He> stopped and turned around. There stood a woman in jeans and a jacket over her shirt. Her black hair was tied at the back.
“Where are you going now? You’re in casual clothes, but what about school?”
“…”
“I wish you would answer me. This is kinda my job, so I’ll be in trouble if you don’t answer. Are you a student from Meitou Academy? Today is it’s founddation day, isn’t it?”
Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she? Who was she?
“….Doesn’t concern you.”
“Well, normally you would be right. But you know”
The woman put her hand into her pocket and pulled something out that looked like a card case. She opened it and hold it out vertically. It showed the woman’s picture and her name. And beneath that was a police sign.
“I work at the juvenile crime section at the Meitou Police Station. So I have to hear out boys like you, who don’t like being tied down. I might even have to contact your parents.”
“I… haven’t really done anything.”
“I hope so. But I have regulations, so could you answer me?”
“…It is the foundation day.”
“Really?”
The woman raised an eyebrow. “Then why didn’t you answer me immediately?”
<He> averted his gaze. The woman said.
“…Sorry, but can you come with me for a bit?”
“Nope.”
“Don’t say that. Katsudon is out of the question, but I can treat you to some tea.”
The woman grabbed <his> arm. She was smiling, but exerting quite the strength.
“…Let me go.”
“Mhm, I can’t really do that.”
<He> tried to shake her hand off. But the woman didn’t let go and forcefully dragged him along.
“Let me…”
“Really, it’s only for a bit. Stop resisting or it will just become too bothersome.”
“Shut up–”
<He> reached into <his> pocket to confirm that the weapon was there. Then <he> shouted.
“Shut the fuck up!”
<He> pulled away his arm and at the same time cut her arm. The woman let out a small scream and let go off <him>. On that chance, <he> ran away.
“Ah, hey—-Geez, if you had followed me obediently, you would have been free in a couple of hours! Wait up!”
<He> paid the woman, who came chasing after <him>, no mind and ran into a crowd of people.
Pissed off. Annoyed. Irritating. Noisy. Disgusting. Anger.
Ten minutes had passed. It seemed that <he> got away, so <he> caught his breath and looked around. But the woman wasn’t seen anywhere.
<He> hated her type of person. It didn’t concern anyone where and what <he> was doing. <He> had a convex mission. For that reason <he> was walking around all of Japan. What was wrong with that? So what about school? What point was it to go to a place, where they crammed useless information into your head? So what about parents? They only existed to pay for your living. Both were an annoyance. Meaningless for <him>, who would become a god.
Aw, so disgusting. An irritation <he> could not suppress. At this point, anyone would do. <He> would kill the first to catch <his> eye—-
“…Here, Granny, your luggage.”
Suddenly <he> heard a voice and turned around.
Before <he> had noticed, <he> had reached a main street. A woman, who just seemed to have crossed the cross-walk, handed vinyl-bag filled with ingredients to an older woman besides her.
“Thank you for going out of your way and helping me.”
“No problem. There’s no traffic light, even though so many cars pass by here. So it can be quite the trouble to cross over. I’m used to it though.”
The woman waved her hand with a smile and asked the elder woman “Be careful. Or should I escort you to your home?”.
“I’m fine. But what about you? Weren’t you on your way somewhere?”
“Mhm, yeah, I’m completely late.”
The woman gave a wry smile, whereupon the elder woman raised her eyebrows and said “Oh my, I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it will work out when I apologize. Anyway, I’m glad you made it over all safely, Granny.”
Then the woman raised her hand with a “Okay, see you, Granny”. The elder woman nodded, said back a “Thank you so much”, took her luggage and left. The woman watched her for a while, then she said “Okay!” with a satisfied look, readied the bag hanging on her shoulder and looked at her wrist watch. “Ah” She let out a voice.
“Already this late…. I have to hurry.”
Then she left the main street in a hurry and entered a shappy, empty alley. Most likely she wanted to take a shortcut. <He> opened his eyes. And <he> thought: Ah, this is it. This is—fate. A lucky chance granted to the human, who’s meant to become <god>.
<He> opened his cell phone and confirmed it. There was no doubt. It was her.
A wicked smile formed on <his> face. It seemed <he> would achieve <his> goal sooner than expected.
She will do—
She had been <his> favourite ever since <he> had gotten the information. She was a clever woman, who deceived others by making herself to look like a good person. Yeah, her. She would be it.
<He> started to move. <He> hastened his pace. The woman didn’t notice. How dumb she was. There was no merit in letting her live.
<He> reached into his pocket. <His> beloved knife was there. <He> took it out, unsheathed it and bared the blade. Soon <he> fell into a trot.
The distance to the woman closed. <He> draw closer and closer. Still, the woman didn’t turn around.
And then, <he>—
About one hour had passed.
“These two are late.”
I stood at the fountain in front of the station and spoke to myself while checking the time on my cell phone.
Unfortunately I had nothing on me to kill time, so I could only pointlessly watch the scenery before me. For a weekday it was awfully crowded. Within that, there were some clearly the same age as me. My school had the foundation day today, so I was excused, but I wonder if these guys were actually ever going to school. Such pointless thoughts crossed my mind.
How did all of this start? Right, when I was talking with Kirisaki and Rin, I said “There’s a book I want to buy” without any special meaning. Upon that Rin raised her hand and said “I also want to buy a CD”. Likewise Kirisaki declared “I have something in mind that I would like to buy”. I forgot who suggested it, but it was decided that we go out shopping together on the next Thursday, meeting at 1pm at the fountain. Rin had tried to decline with some stupid reason of “I wouldn’t want to impose on you two”, but I didn’t mind, so I somewhat forcefully made her come. To be honest, it was somewhat dangerous to spend the afternoon all alone with Kirisaki.
But they were late. Did I mistake the meeting time?
I tilted my head, when I heard a bright voice.
“Kugito.”
I turned around. Kirisaki Kyouko was running with a bright smile while waving her hand.
“Ku-gi-to~”
With a blinding smile, Kirisaki draw closer. That scene was just so fitting for a TV drama that I somehow felt that time ran slower. I returned a faint smile and spread my arms as to welcome her.
“Hah!”
When she leaned forward, I jumped backwards right before her arms. Kirisaki’s arms, which were about to embrace me, cut through the air.
“…What are you doing?”
“Because you’re always plotting something when you act like a normal girl.”
“Hahah. Don’t be stupid. Now, where’s my welcome hug?”
Step by step Kirisaki draw closer. I took my distance and kept away.
“Be honest. What’s your intention?”
“Nothing. What are you so angry about?”
“About all your actions.”
Kirisaki and me faced off while going in a circle in the middle of the street as if we were fighting a death match. Why did I have to endure such suspense on my holiday and even in such a crowded place?
“Fufu. You’re such a coward, Kugito.”
“Say what you want, but I’ll prioritize my own well-being.”
Kirisaki looked at me like a beast looks at his prey. Any time now, she’ll come…! Thinking that, I pointed behind her and shouted.
“AH! A time hole opened!”
“WHAT!? The day has finally come!?”
Would anyone really turn around on that? Well, whatever. Take this! I launched at Kirisaki’s back. I ignored her “Ah!”, grabbed her shoulders and twisted her arms. It was a joint lock.
“Ouch! It hurts, Kugito!”
“Give up! What were you trying to do?”
The people around us made a ruckus. Now that I thought about it, a boy holding a young girl in a submission move wasn’t such a favorable scene.
“…Uhn, okay. I’ll tell you, so let go. I like causing pain, but I’m no fan of the opposite.”
What an unseemly comment. I released Kirisaki and walked away from the eyes of the people around us. “C’mon, let’s go.” I grabbed her hand, when Kirisaki pouted while revealing the big knife that she had hidden behind her back. I took it away from her.
“I hope you aren’t wearing another knife at your legs.”
“The one you’re holding right now is the one I usually have on my thighs.”
“Good. I’ll keep this.”
“…Kugito, you meanie.”
I could say the same. Damn, causing me all this unnecessary trouble.
We went back to where we came from.
“….Reminds me, is Kuon Rin here yet?”
“Nah, not yet. Well, her running late isn’t unusual, so don’t worry.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. Because she always end up helping people on the way to the meeting spot. She was once left behind on a school trip because of it.”
“Wow…Well, that’s just like her.”
Yeah. But what should we do? Whenever I tried to call her on her cell phone, I only got the answering machine.
“Do we wait for a bit longer?”
“Yeah. By the way, Kugito, don’t you have anything to say when you look at me?”
“Anything? Like what? There isn’t really anything different about you. If I had to say anything, I would say it’s my first time seeing you in casual clothes.”
“You noticed it, but don’t know what to do. You’re beyond help…”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing really……There.”
Pierce. GYAA.
“Don’t stab me!”
“Hmpf.”
Or rather, she actually had another one! Kirisaki, who had pulled out a knife from her sleeves, laughed.
“Women are full of secrets.”
Don’t put your weird fetishes together with the general public.
“Geez…. Well, she’s still not here? It’s quite rare for her to be this late.”
I tilted my head. For a while, without saying anything , I spent time looking at the clock and the scenery before me.
Then Kirisaki suddenly shouted “Kugito!”
“What?”
“No, well…you know.”
She was stuttering on a rare occasion, so I turned my gaze from the crowd to her.
Kirisaki was unusually looking down with her hands together behind her back. Her feet coming out of the one-piece were knocking on the concrete. Speaking of, she was actually wearing a one-piece. I thought she would wear something more boyish. Well, that aside.
“What’s with you, it’s creepy.”
“No…. Well, if you don’t want to, just say so.”
“Don’t want to.”
“….You turn me down before I even ask?”
“Can’t be any decent anyway.”
“Th- That’s not true.”
Kirisaki said a bit flustered. Now that made even me bewildered. I tried to get a better look at her face and said “Okay, then go on”. Upon that Kirisaki looked up a bit.
“Just for a bit will do.”
“…Ah. Geez, that again? You can’t endure it any longer?”
Was that the reason her face was so red for a while now? ….What a troublesome fellow. I don’t like being attacked out of nowhere like before, but it was different when she asked me beforehand. Well, at times where she really couldn’t endure it any more, I’ll forgive it. That was our promise to begin with.
“That said, this place isn’t any good… So let’s better change the location.”
“That’s not it.”
Kirisaki grabbed on my hand when I was about to leave. I turned around and made a perplexed expression.
“You’re being weird.”
“Well—“
Kirisaki said with a faint voice as she was about to faint.
“—of us go around?”
“Huh? What?”
“I said”
She raised her head completely and opened her mouth to the fullest.
“Why don’t just the two of us go around?”
“…Just you and me? What about Rin?”
“J- Just for a bit. It shouldn’t matter. She’ll surely call us if something is up.”
Well, she had a point.
“Why just us two? You don’t want Rin to find out about the thing you buy?”
“Ah, yeah, that too. I want you to tag along for a bit.”
“I don’t really mind.”
I scratched my neck. “You’re kind weird today. Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?”
“Wh- What’s the problem, really. Even I am like that sometimes.”
“I don’t think that’s an answer to my question.”
“Shut up! It’s decided now, so let’s go, Kugito!”
“Sure.”
I replied easygoing, when Kirisaki grabbed my hand and started to pull me along with a “This way”.
I opened my cell phone, confirmed that there were no mails or calls from Rin and closed it again.
…..Did something happen to her?
I wasn’t quite sure myself, but usually when a girl drags off a guy for shopping it’s to a clothing shop or an ice cream parlor. If not that, then a book or CD store. And at times, when she has such a hobby, it would be an anime goods store.
But the store Kirisaki dragged me to, was a small store that you entered through a back alley. It hadn’t had any signs, but there were a lot of people despite that.
“…What’s this place?”
In front of the store was a glass case that displayed knifes and airguns.
“It’s an army shop. It’s quite famous amongst those who know it. Some really good stuff is sold here.”
“….Oh really.”
“Give me a minute.”
Saying that, Kirisaki entered the store. I stood there bored. She was truly a weird girl.
When I looked around, I noticed that the alley in stood in was full of stores that sold stuff like this one. To think our city had such a maniac zone, I only got to know about it after 17 years of life. Amazing that Kirisaki found this, even though she only just transferred over here. You couldn’t underestimate a maniac’s sense of smell.
After a while, Kirisaki came out. She made a slightly disappointed expression, so they probably hadn’t had the thing she wanted. She said “Let’s look around a bit more”, so I followed.
“What are you looking for?”
“The knife I’m using right now is pretty old and reaching it’s end soon. It’s getting jagged and rusty. So I want to get a new one. I had my eyes on a few ones, but none that met all my requirements. The one I wanted was sold out.”
“I see. Though from my point of view, the knives all look the same.”
“That’s not true, Kugito. Not only are the shapes and acidity quite different, but also the grip and used steel. Especially for me it’s a matter of life or death.”
“I believe it’s rather a matter of life or death for me.”
“Don’t take it to heart. To begin with, knives have endless different ways of usage, unlike guns. Depending on the skills of the user it can be the best or worse weapon. For example the English military…”
It followed this and that. I couldn’t care less about this maniac talk. So I just randomly nodded with “Yeah” and “Yup”.
“Do you understand what that means?”
“Yeah.”
“WHAT!? You get it!? You’re amazing, Kugito. Even some experts have trouble understanding this theory.”
Eh, really? Wow, I’m good.
“…You weren’t listening, were you.”
“Haha, what are you saying.”
Kirisaki said “Forget it” and pouted. It was rather troubling to me when she was pouting.
“….In the end that’s all I can talk about. I’m a boring girl.”
“Self-awareness is one step in the right direction. But it must be hard for you. The stuff about knives aside, you can’t even talk to others about your tendency.”
“Yeah, but I’m used to it.”
Well, good then.
“Though to be honest… I just might have forced myself to get used to it.”
“Huh?”
“No—Ah!”
Kirisaki suddenly raised her voice. Then she started running towards a store. Huh, what? When I followed, Kirisaki was glued to a glass case, watching at a knife.
“That’s unsightly, so stop it.”
“I have only seen it in a magazine so far. Amazing. It’s a Randall knife…”
“A what?”
“A Randall knife. It’s a knife made by an American. It’s a fantastic work with high quality. …I only have my part-time money, so it’s way out of my reach.”
“Hmm.”
“Look at this brilliance. And the handworked shape. Simple, yet profound. Randall’s work aren’t just superior due to their shape, but also for the manifold ways of practical usage. Ahh, I wonder how pleasant it would feel if I were to cut through flesh with it…”
And the one being cut will be me.
“Is that knife that great?”
“It’s not simple ‘great’.”
Kirisaki turned around to me and started blabbering.
“You see, when Randall started making knives, he was basically an unknown! But! It all started when the second president wanted to make non-profitable, high quality knives! In a short time of period the company gained a reputation at a surprising speed and became first rate! When you hear of Randall knives, it all started from the legend how Minnark Forwald, a famous American soldier, survived the world war with just a Randall knife after he lost his gun. (‘%#”# (‘%$#”! &) %#”!”&) %”($””! (Didn’t listen anymore.)”
Sc- Scary—! Maniacs are scary—-!
“O- Okay, I get it.”
“Oh yeah? I can still go on.”
Looking somewhat unsatisfied, Kirisaki uttered a “But the real thing sure is different…” and stuck to the glass case again. She looked like a boy admiring a trumpet. Different from usual, she appeared somewhat like a girl. That appearance of hers was one of the very few human expressions she had.
“….You want it that bad?”
“Yeah, I always dreamt of owning one.”
“I see.”
I gave a light sigh and reached into my pocket. I took out my wallet. A couple of banknotes were smiling at me, since I put in a few more out of the living expenses for some books. Not really because of that, but I pondered for a bit. But I shook my head right after. If you’re hesistant, it’s better not to even consider alternatives to begin with.
“Kirisaki.”
Kirisaki turned around on my word.
“I’ll buy it for you.”
“Eh?”
“The knife. You want it, right?”
“….Are you sure?”
“I’m left with quite the sum of money as the technical head of the family. I got a bit to spare.”
“Well, but….”
She said, but fixed her gaze on the knife. But I sure was twisted. I mean, I would get stabbed by that knife.
“I don’t mind. Hurry up before I change my mind. How much is it?”
“….Mh. Ehm, this much.”
Kirisaki shyly lifted one finger.
“10k yen, huh. It’s expensive, but I can manage.”
“It’s 100k.”
“So expensive!”
So damn expensive—!
“It’s so expensive!”
“You don’t really need to repeat it.”
“100k, what the. Are they using diamonds for it or what?”
“That’s not it. But a knife of such quality costs at least that much.”
“But I mean, they’re even selling knives at the 100yen-store these days…”
“I have around 70k saved up….No, it won’t do. Sorry. Forget about it.”
Kirisaki made a wry smile. I sighed and scratched my head.
“…So you just need the remaining 30k?”
“Well, yeah, sure…”
That was still expensive… I hesitated. But I suggested it already and raised her hopes, so betraying her now would be intolerable. After a moment of hesitation, I pulled out a few 10k yen notes.
“Here, go buy it.”
“Kugito… are you sure?”
“Yeah. I said I would buy it for you, so I need to keep it at least partial.”
For a while it’ll be one rice ball for lunch now. Well, I’ll last for a while with just water.
Kirisaki faltered for a moment, but took the notes when I presented her them with “Mm”.
Then she entered the store with a “…Wait here a sec”.
When she came out soon after, she was hugging onto a paper bag. She didn’t even hide her joy.
“Did you get the one you wanted?”
“Yeah, I did. Now my errand is done. And quite satisfying at that.”
Good to hear. Then we should be off. I was about to head off when Kirisaki shouted “Kugito”.
“What?”
When I turned around, I stiffed up a bit.
“….Thanks.”
There stood Kirisaki with her cheeks red and an innocent smile perfectly befitting a young girl.
“Ah, well, yeah. No prob….”
Keep yourself together, myself. Calm down. What was I getting excited for? That’s Kirisaki! Remember how she usually acts! BE COOL, BE COOL, BE COOL!
“What’s up?”
“Nothing. It’s just, that is was like that and that’s that.”
That was like that and that’s that. Yeah.
“I don’t get it, but whatever. We better go back now.”
“Y- Yeah.”
I settled my breath and walked ahead. Kirisaki followed after me and said “Kugito” again.
“What?”
“Is there anything you want right now?”
“Huh? What’s with that out of the blue?”
“Just answer.”
I tilted my head on the sudden question and pondered. Let’s see….
“A dishwasher, I guess. It’s a pain to wish dishes for two by hand every day.”
“Not something a young boy would usually wish for.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Fine. What would you do if you had one?”
“What you ask…. Well, I would test out how good it works.”
“Yeah. That’s how it have to be.”
Kirisaki nodded a few times.
“So, Kugito.”
Kirisaki’s eyes sparkled like a puppy’s when it begged for food. Aw, I was getting really worried. A BAD FEELING that visited me more often since we started dating. Exactly like that.
“…Don’t stab me.”
I decided to beat her to it.
“Rejected!”
It was in vain.
“It’s a necessary ritual to get used to my new knife. C’mon, let’s hurry to a place without people.”
“Ehm, Kirisaki-san. Stabbing the person, who helped you buy it, right after, what’s going on in your mind? Now it looks like I gave you the money so that you can stab me.”
“You didn’t?”
“Uwa! A misunderstanding about an impossible point! My good-will goes down the drain!”
“Haha. Well, don’t sweat the details. Let’s hurry.”
NO-WAY-!
“…You said you want to try out your new knife, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
Ten minutes later. I stood in the same alley as before with holes all over my body.
“Normally when someone wants to try it out, wouldn’t they just cut once? Why did I have to be stabbed ten times? Don’t you know what ‘holding back’ means?”
“Holding back? First time I hear of it.”
I didn’t expect that.
“Well, just wrap some bandages around it and you’re fine.”
“That’s not the problem.”
“But a Randall knife is really in a different league. The sensation when I cut your skin, the clean cut and the ecstasy of cutting into your organs—“
There she goes again. Not hearing. I wasn’t hearing anything. I wasn’t anything of the maniac talk.
“By the way, Kugito.”
“…What?”
“There’s something I want you to do.”
“You’re going to stab me again!? I’m really at the end of my patience here!” Actually, be grateful I haven’t lost it until now!
“Hold it. Let’s stop this crude talking about stabbing and what not.”
“It was you, who made me start talking about this crude stuff!”
“…It’s okay. As thanks for buying me the knife and the testing, I’ll restrain myself for a while.”
…I hoped so.
“So, what is it?”
“Well…. You know.”
Kirisaki stuttered and looked down. It was quite scary when she behaved like a normal girl.
“C’mon, just say it. Our relationship isn’t really at a stage where you need to act embarrassed now.”
“You have a point—Well.”
For a while Kirisaki hesitated, then she raised her head at once. Now she said in a quiet voice.
“…ld hands.”
“Huh?”
I inquired. Kirisaki’s cheek turned lightly red as if she was angry. Then she said clearly.
“Your hand— I want to walk while holding your hand.”
Huh?
“What? Hoarding ants? Sorry, I’m not familiar with that language.”
“If you’re doing that on purpose, I’m going to stab you again.”
Hii.
“…No, well, I don’t mind. But why?”
“I sorta want to.”
“I see. But it’s a bit embarrassing.”
“It’s not a big deal. Or do you want to do something more embarrassing in a private room? I wouldn’t mind at all.”
I certainly did mind…..Anyway.
“Here.”
I put forth my hand. Kirisaki grabbed it with “…Mm”. While I wondered what a strange girl she was, since she made such a happy expression, I only noticed now how low her body temperature was.
Like that, Kirisaki and me walked the alley. For others we must have looked like a normal couple. Kirisaki too was just girl when she behaved normally. … Though she wasn’t just a girl, since she normally couldn’t do so.
But if she would just behave like this all the time, it wasn’t such a bad thing to walk around like this. Kirisaki was a dangerous girl, but once you get over that, she wasn’t all that different from others. Surprisingly she was rather considerate about her surroundings (except to me) and paid a lot of attention to her actions (except to me). I’m sure she would be able to make more friends if I were to agonize more from her. She might even be able to live the life of a normal high school girl.
I glanced to the side. Kirisaki was smiling.
“Are you that happy about the knife?”
“….Mh? Ah, well, that too.”
“Too?”
“Well….Ehm, you know, it’s my first.”
At what?
“Walking hand in hand with a boy my age.”
“Really? I thought you had dated a couple of guys already.”
“…I not once had a deep relationship with anyone so far. Be it boys or girls.”
Kirisaki said with a melancholic voice.
“Even if I made friends, it wouldn’t be for long. What if I stab them. Or even kill them. Even when I know I’m not supposed to do it, my urges are stronger than my feelings. When I start to act, I’m no longer sane. I have no way to prevent that. So I actually shouldn’t be able to get a lover. The more dear I hold someone, the more I have to keep away from him.”
The words were stuck in my throat. Not considering Kirisaki’s feelings, I had said something insensitive.
“…Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. And it’s not like that anymore.”
I tilted my head, whereupon Kirisaki looked up to me and smiled.
“I have you. Right now, I have you by my side. That’s enough for me.”
“You…”
I was at a loss for words, so I just looked up to the sky.
“…But it gnaws at my conscience that I dragged you into all this.”
“What are you saying at this point?”
“It, It’s not like I was all fine with it all. I always felt regret. It’s just… You might call it selfishness, but still, I…”
Kirisaki increased the strength on her grip at bit.
“A bit longer, just a bit longer—With thoughts like that, I somehow made it this far. …True, at this point it’s….But I feel bad for the trouble I cause you.”
I scratched my head. Like I thought, she was being weird today. When she said all that, I couldn’t say anything back.
“…No I’m not really—“
At that moment.
My cell phone rang.
I swallowed down the words I was about to say and looked at the display. It was from Rin. I took the call.
“…Hello. Kuon? What’s up with you? You’re spreading your kindness again?”
“….”
“…Kuon? What’s the matter?”
“…gi-chan?”
She was hard to hear. But it wasn’t like the reception was bad, Rin’s voice was just strangely scratchy.
“Sorry, can you say that again?”
“Kugi….-chan?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Where are you right now?”
“…I…. sorry… might…. not make… there.”
I got a bad feeling at Rin’s broken speech. From time to time I could hear a leaking gasp. I had a really bad feeling.
“…Hey, Kuon, what’s wrong?”
“I… sud…denly…”
“Where are you? I’ll come over.”
“….from behind…. Someone….”
A groaning voice. Panickiness crawled up my back.
“Hey, Kuon, are you okay? Just wait a bit, I’ll come over real quick. Are you okay?”
“….Kugi…-chan…I….”
A WHACK could be heard. Then the line was suddenly cut.
“….What’s up, Kugito?”
“….Sorry, Kirisaki. Kuon—Rin was being weird. I’m going.”
I let go off her hand. I feel bad for her, but I had no time to explain the situation. I started sprinting with all my might.
“Hey, Kugito!?”
A creepy uneasiness came over me. A shapeless emotion gave the impulse and moved my body. I didn’t know what had actually happened, yet a vision floated in my head. While desperately shaking off this ultimate despaired vision, I ran into a crowed and headed for the pointed destination. People became fewer. On a wide street a bit apart from the shopping street was no one. There I shouted.
“Kuon! Where are you!”
No answer. My uneasiness grew even greater.
“Kuon!”
While looking around, I spotted a familiar silhouette.
“Sis!”
“Kugito? Huh, even Kirisaki-san. What are you doing here?”
“Sis, have you seen Kuon… a girl with braids?”
“No. Why?”
“She’s my friend. I got a strange call. Something might have happened—-”
We could hear a scream. I turned around.
“Hey, Kugito, just what happened—”
I had no time to answer Kirisaki, who asked that. I dashed away. I could heart the two of them following after me. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry! My breathing increased. I had no feeling in my body. Still, I ran. I continued to run. Rin’s face floated in my head.
A few people were peeking into a road between two buildings. “Move it!” I forcefully made my way through the curious onlookers onto the road.
…And then.
“—Kuon?”
I had arrived.
At the worst place ever.
Someone was laying face-down on the ground with a cell phone in one hand. When I saw something red on the back, my mind went black.
Something red. ….Something? Don’t whitewash it! I scolded myself.
It was blood—–
Blood was coming out of Rin’s back and forming a red puddle on the concrete.
“Please make way!”
My sister’s voice from behind. She made her way through the crowd, coming over to Rin.
I heard Kirisaki shouted ‘Kugito”. But it felt so far away.
“Kuon….”
I was dumbfounded. Dejection was ruling over me. I couldn’t believe the reality before my eyes. Just what had happened? Wasn’t it supposed to be another peaceful, but boring day?
What was this?
What—-was this!?
“Rin—”
I fell on my knees. I saw my sister calling someone on her cell phone. Everything felt like it was happening in a different world.
A voice poured out of my mouth. But it were only meaningless words.
An unstoppable something stirred up inside me from the bottom of my stomach. But my body wasn’t listening to me and I could only continue to scream.
I was just miserable and reality went on, leaving me behind.
