Chapter 05: Immortal Boy and solitary Knife
….It started raining. Water drops hit the only window of the waiting room in front of the operation room in the hospital. At first it were only a few, so that you could count them, but over time they got more and bigger. And ultimately they mixed together with the background and became like a waterfall.
The crepuscule room was scorched by an illumination. I raised my head with a catchy movement and stared at the red glowing lamp of the operation room.
To be honest, I didn’t know how much time had passed.
No, to begin with, I wasn’t even sure why I was here. I remembered up to the point where we found Rin, the ambulance came and she was carried inside on a stretcher. After that I somehow remembered some interaction with my sister, but anything further was unclear. It felt like a forcefully repaired film tear, which ended with me suddenly sitting here in the waiting room with my arms crossed. Kirisaki had disappeared at one point.
Rin’s parents were sitting beside me with blue expressions. I had talked to them for a bit. It seemed Rin had told them about me on various occasions. About how we ate lunch together. About how we went home together. How I helped her when she had trouble. How she helped me. And how happy and joyful she looked while talking about it. Her parents thanked me. Her mother also told me that she had no friends before she entered high school because of her personality. Rin herself had just smiled it off, but deep down in her heart she must have been lonely. But shortly after she had entered Meitou Academy she had reported her mother that she made a single friend. And that was me. Apparently she praised me at a very kind, strong and amazing person. It was the first time that Rin had talked about someone else, so her mother had always been grateful to me.
So what? Yeah, what did it matter? What was so special about it? What exactly did I do? Rin was by far a more amazing person.
So why was it her that got attacked?
Me included, there were plenty of people in the world, whose death wouldn’t sadden anyone.
I couldn’t understand the egoist logic from those guys, who would attack someone like Rin. If something like fate really existed, on what grounds was it based on? If you call it fate that Rin was in a dying condition while others, who deserved that first, were still living a stupid life, then I would love to hear the answer to why it had to be like this. If it was merely decided by a roll of a dice, then it was just too unfair to her.
I was well aware that the asshole, who attacked Rin, was at fault. But I just couldn’t accept this world’s injustice that made that guy choose Rin. There must be some kind of reason. Some kind of meaning. That was all that was going through my head.
I stood up. It wasn’t like I wanted to go anywhere. But if I stayed here, I would only ponder about things that I couldn’t solve, so I bowed to Rin’s parents and left the room as to get a chance of mood.
I pressed the elevator button and by chance the doors opened immediately.
When I was about to go inside, my cell phone rang. It was from my sister.
I took the elevator down to first floor, left the hospital and took the call while I watched the downpour.
“Hello?”
“Kugito?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s me. Do you have a moment?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
I could hear other voices in the background. After Rin was taken away to the hospital by the ambulance, my sister went to the police station and she was probably sill there now.
“You know…”
“Mh?”
“I want you to listen to this calmly.”
She started off like that, but then fell silent indecisive. So I knew it had to be about Rin’s case. I rushed my sister with a “What’s the matter?”. After a “Yeah” followed by a short pause, my sister said.
“It’s about…. Kuon Rin, your friend—“
For a moment I heard nothing but my sister’s voice. Anything else seemed to be happen far away from me.
“…What did you say?”
My sister once again said “I want you to listen calmly”.
“Your friend, Kuon Rin, was stabbed various times all over her body. And on her stomach—“
Something clicked in my head.
“—on her stomach there was a cross engraved with a knife.”
Then all the background noise came back to me. The rain echoed annoyingly loud in my ears.
“That….means?”
“We can’t be sure yet, but it’s quite likely— that Kuon-san was attacked by the <cross-slashing Devil>.”
“Why!”
I let out my voice uncontrolled.
“Why did that nutcase come to our town! WHY!?”
“Calm down, Kugito. We still don’t know if it was him. Nor if there was any reason behind it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Even I don’t want to admit it, but—“
Hesitantly my sister continued.
“Listen, all those victims have nothing in common. Their age, occupation and living area are all different. That makes us believes that he picks his victims randomly. Kugito, what I mean is that Kuon-san was most likely a victim of a random assault.”
“…No way.”
That…. That couldn’t be. By chance? A coincidence? Are you telling me was attacked for a stupid, nonsense and ridiculous reason like that?
“She… She’s practically on her deathbed. She’s still under operation, but the worst case isn’t avoided yet. So… Why….”
“Kugito—“
“I… don’t believe that, Sis. There’s no way that’s possible.”
“…But Kugito, seeing the facts, that’s the only conclusion. Of course I don’t know any specifics, but I’m sure the investigation headquarters came to the same conclusion.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Kugito, face reality…..might be useless to tell you now. Okay. If that’s how you feel, then so be it.”
My sister told me with a somewhat pitiful voice.
“If it makes you feel better, believe so. This might be cold, but that’s all I can say…. I’m sorry.”
With a CLICK the call was ended. I dropped my arms, scuffled over to a near bench and sat down.
I rested my head on my hands. Disordered thoughts went around in my head. Like Rin’s smile, her restlessly moving silhouette or waving her hand towards me. In short, the everyday life with Rin that I had believed would continue forever flashed in my mind.
It weren’t thoughts of love towards Rin.
It’s just that the life of the person, who I had admired and respected, got screwed over. Just like I had destroyed the life of my parents and sister, this meaningless injustice had hurt unrelated bystander and crushed her life.
“Why….”
Why was the world like this? Just why?
Someone answer me. Was the fact that the culprit, who attacked Rin, doesn’t get caught or the fact that I couldn’t die even though I wanted to, just meaningless and just because? It was out of our reach, so whatever happens, there was nothing we could do about it?
“I can’t laugh at this…”
Wasn’t there anything I could do?
“Damn!”
Nothing would come out of it, but I stroke a nearby pillar strongly.
At that moment.
“Kugito….”
A familiar voice. I raised my head. There stood a girl in the rain with an umbrella.
“….Kirisaki.”
Where did you go.
“Sorry. There was something on my mind, so I went home once. How’s Kuon Rin…?”
“I don’t know. It seems her wounds weren’t fatal, but she still lost too much blood”
“….I see.”
Kirisaki folded her umbrella and stood in front of me.
“So? … What was it that was on your mind?”
“Yeah, about that—“
Kirisaki nodded and opened her mouth.
“—-No, this isn’t a good place. Let’s go to my room.”
I entered her room, which hadn’t changed from before. Kirisaki started up her notebook and I sat beside her to look at the display.
“…Kugito.”
“Mh?”
While moving the mouse, Kirisaki said.
“Wouldn’t you say that Kuon Rin was attacked by a fake <Midnight killing Devil>?”
I widened my eyes. “….Why would you say that?”
“I’ll explain now.”
While typing on the keyboard, Kirisaki continued.
“While the possibility was low, when I heard that Kuon Rin was attacked, a hint of uneasiness befell me. That maybe a mimicking <Midnight killing Devil> appeared. Of course there was no reason to it. So while I prayed that I’m wrong, I opened this page.”
The page shown on the display was <Alice Tea Party>.
“I always kept track of the actions of the fake <Midnight killing Devil>, meaning <March Hare’s> actions— After the murder of a man, he wrote on the forum that he did that himself.”
More typing on the keyboard. The post that showed up had the same arrogant tone like the one from before.
“Today in OO City, XY District a man was killed. That was me. Our God is dead. From this day on, I’ll be the new <Midnight killing Devil>.”
“Bastard…”
There were a lot of replies, but <March Hare> didn’t respond to any of them. Probably because a God wouldn’t exchange words with mere mortals so easily.
“But <March Hare> answered this reply alone.”
It was located further down. Moving the mouse, she scrolled down. There was written.
“It was in the news. You have no proof. Aren’t you just lying?”
Then followed quite a lot of approvals for that comment.
“Maybe it hurt his pride, but <March Hare> answered like this.”
Kirisaki stopped her fingers. I looked at where Kirisaki pointed.
“Fine. Then I’ll write here about the next one before it runs in the news.”
“This is…”
“Yeah. That’s why I thought that maybe the assault this time would be written here and took a look. And then.”
Kirisaki returned to the index, which showed the latest posts.
“…Something beyond my expectation took place.”
She clicked on a post with the title “To the former Midnight killing Devil”.
“Today, in Meitou City at a back alley near the Meitou Station, I stabbed a single girl to near death. I’m sure the news will report about it later. Are those, who bantered me, satisfied now?
But that’s not all for today. There will be another one later. This isn’t meant for the plebs that gather here, but just for one person: The former <Midnight killing Devil>.
I respected you. No, you can say I worshipped you.
But your crimes lately are too rubbishy. They’re lacking your former glamour.
That’s why I decided to act as the <Midnight killing Devil> in your stead. I did that because I believed that by doing so you would come to hate me and return to your previous artistic killer self.
But you not only failed my expectation, you also stopped your crimes all together. I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m gravely disappointed. So I came to a new conclusion. That you are dead. Our God is dead, so someone will act in his stead. I’m the only one suited for the task.
But first I need you to receive retribution. I have to judge you for soiling the sacred title of <Midnight killing Devil>.
The reason I didn’t kill that girl today, was merely to introduce the prologue. I didn’t choose that girl by chance.”
What…? This went into a different direction from what I imagined, but I frowned.
“I know everything about you. And when I say everything, I mean <everything>. I can hear a <voice>. The voice of <God’s child> is telling me everything.
It won’t be only that girl. From now on I’ll kill everyone related to you, not leaving anyone. Those you hold dear or those you know briefly, everyone. This is your punishment. I have to judge the sinner.”
—-.
I felt like a received a heavy blow to my head. Completely clueless, I held down my forehead. I let out a long sigh.
“—Is he…. Is he serious?”
Kirisaki looked at me. Then she nodded positive.
“…I fear so. Since Kuon Rin was actually attacked, we have no choice but to think so.”
“Then… it’s no coincidence that he came to this city?”
“Yeah.”
“And that Kuon got attacked too?”
“Yeah.”
“….How? How comes he knows all that?”
Kirisaki shook her head.
“…I don’t really know. I’m worried about that god’s voice. Kuon Rin and me don’t know each other for long. Yet he was informed about it. That makes me believe that this <God’s voice> really has past and present data about me. But is that even possible…?”
I didn’t know. Too much things that I didn’t understand.
But— That wasn’t important right now. I felt like I only got more confused the more I tried to sort my thoughts.
Then suddenly—- a single thought flashed in my head.
“Kirisaki.”
I mumbled.
“Then, it’s like that?”
On my dry voice, Kirisaki turned to me with an inquiring expression. While I pressed my hands against my mouth, I felt my emotions squeezing out from my throat.
“You—“
I felt like being skewed. Without really understanding what I was going to say, the words spilled out of my mouth.
“—You’re the reason that Kuon got attacked?”
Kirisaki widened her eyes. I continued.
“I mean…. Isn’t that so. When all these related to you get attacked, that’s how it plays out.”
“Kugito…”
I knew that my emotions were taking a path that they shouldn’t. I wanted to stop it. But in the end that was the conclusion I reached.
I could neither stop it, nor try to stop it.
“……”
Before I noticed it, I was smiling. Normally, with my sanity that wouldn’t be possible, but just this time I was showing a smile without knowing it. At first it was small, then it spread gradually. While showing a smile that I couldn’t suppress, I mumbled.
“Oh wow.”
With raised corners of my mouth, I said.
“That’s how it turns out. There was no way that there was any logic behind the attack on Rin. Yeah. It was your fault. Because I meddle with a killer like you, Rin got acquainted with you. And the result is this.”
Kirisaki opened her mouth to say something, but I ignored her and went on.
“I was naive. I was stupid. I thought that if I were a bit more tolerant, I could date you like normal. But yeah, you’re different. You’re different from Rin and me. You’re the kind of human, who can still live on normally after killing a person. It’s your fault. It’s your fault that Rin got attacked.”
I knew myself that I was spouting nonsense. But that was all I could think of. I believed it to be the only answer to resolve this injustice.
“Back then I should have reported you to the police after all. Then that impersonator would have lost interest in you and Rin wouldn’t have gotten attacked. Because I was an utter fool and full of naive thoughts it turned out like this.”
“Kugito….”
“Don’t call my name!”
I pushed away her hand that she extended towards me. The inside of my head was a mess. I stood up. Kirisaki made a dumbfounded expression that I never saw on her before.
“Can you still make any excuses? Can you still give me a satisfying explanation to why it isn’t your fault that Rin got attacked? C’mon, isn’t that your speciality?”
Kirisaki didn’t say anything. She just looked at me dumbfounded. I averted my gaze and hit my strongly clenched fist against the wall. It made a creaking sound. The rain got stronger.
After a while, I could see Kirisaki bow down in the corner of my vision. With a faint smile and halting, Kirisaki said.
“…I can’t.”
“Huh?”
I shifted my gaze back to her. Kirisaki, with her head lowered, had crossed her fingers atop her skirt.
“I can’t do that. Yeah….it’s exactly like you said. This is… my fault.”
Her voice wasn’t resolute like usually. It were just dejected and downfallen words. Like a scolded kid, Kirisaki had stiffened up, just enduring my outburst.
“Yeah, like you said, I should have turned in myself to the police. I also believe I could lead a normal life when I have you around me. That was indeed naive. As someone, who committed a crime, I should have done this earlier. … Sorry. Not like an apology will solve anything, but still—”
Kirisaki faced me and deeply bowed her head.
“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault that this happened to Kuon Rin.”
I didn’t know how to react to that. What good would it do to blame her any more?
Kirisaki stood up slowly.
“…I’ll definitely take responsibility for this.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That’s of no concern for you. You better get out of here quickly. And don’t get involved with me anymore. You can forget about our promise.”
“But you—”
“Kugito!”
Kirisaki raised her voice, then said.
“…Hurry and get out of here. Please.”
I remained silent. Kirisaki turned her back to me and didn’t say anything more. Her shoulders were slightly shaking.
“….Okay.”
I turned around, walked to the door and grabbed the doorknob.
When I opened the door, Kirisaki said.
“Kugito.”
I stayed silent and she continued.
“Thanks for up till now.”
At a loss for what to reply, I ended up leaving without saying anything.
I closed the door behind me.
A sound of alienation faintly echoed amidst the rain.
Shapeless thoughts spun around in my head and mingled with my worries. Before I knew it, I stood in front of the hospital, which Rin was admitted to.
Folding the umbrella in my right hand, I sat down on a bench.
The rain didn’t seem to let down, rather it intensified. I just sat there alone, doing nothing.
After a small sigh, I rested my chin on my palm.
My heart felt bitter. I felt repulsion and a disgust different from throwing up. I shook my head.
“…Damn.”
My irritation got worse. I didn’t know myself were this feeling was coming from.
I had thought she would be able to manage it better. I had thought she would ensnare me with her finickiness like always and while I was uncertain she would forcefully make me agree even if I had a different opinion.
Yet she admitted to it so easily.
—-This is… my fault.
Her expression when she said that flickered in my mind. I didn’t say anything wrong. It was just that the expression she showed me stirred up something within me. She looked just so,
….just so sad.
I was angry about something. Trying to figure out about what for a long period, I ended up being angry about myself for not being resolute.
Rin ended up like that because she had contact to Kirisaki.
That was why I hate Kirisaki.
But on the other side, there was a part of myself that couldn’t fully agree to that.
Not knowing what I really wanted to do, I felt like I was strangling myself.
How many hours had passed like this?
I wondered how long I had been like this and how much longer I would continue to stay like this.
At any rate, what brought me back to my senses was a voice calling “Node-san”.
I raised my head and look that way uncertain.
Rin’s mother stood in the entrance.
While coming over, she said.
“Node-san, Rin is—”
With an increased breathing, she showed a smile for the first time.
“—-Rin is awake now.”
Please don’t agitate her. She’s still in a critical condition.
That was what the doctor told me. While nodding in affirmation, I entered the sick room.
Rin was silently laying on the hospital bed with her eyes closed like she was sleeping while attached to a respiratory system. But she then opened her eyes as the sensed my presence.
When I draw closer, she gave off a small smile.
“Yo.”
Not knowing what I should do, I raised my hand and gave myself a wry smile to the stupid ‘Yo’. Her parents were probably considerate, as they left the room when I entered.
“Are you okay?…..Guess that’s a stupid question.”
Rin forced herself to smile. I took a nearby chair and sat down on it. Rin opened her mouth to say something, but her face immediately distorted in pain. Talking must be painful to her too.
“…Sorry. You don’t need to force yourself to speak.”
When I said that, Rin nodded and formed a “Sorry” with her lips.
“Don’t mind it….Seems like you’ll be in the hospital for a while.”
Rin slightly shook her head. Judging by the situation it didn’t seem like she meant to disagree, but that she didn’t know.
I said “I see” and fell silent afterwards. I couldn’t really stay here for long.
“…Anyway, I’m glad you regained consciousness. You must be tired. I’ll go home for today. When you feel better, I’ll drop by again.”
Rin nodded and said “Thanks” without a voice. With a “It’s fine” I stood up.
At that moment, Rin looked beside me. She looked at the nothingness there, then turned her gaze back to me. That behavior looked like so wanted to ask something. I scratched my head and said.
“Kirisaki… isn’t here.”
Rin blinked. I made a slight sigh. I couldn’t answer immediately. I started with a “Well…”, whereupon Rin said to me with a quiet voice.
“….A fight?”
“Not exactly….”
If that wasn’t it, then what was it? I asked myself, but not getting an answer, it were weasel words. I wanted to say something appropriate, but I couldn’t. I felt that no matter what I said, it would only sound like excuses in front of her.
“….I don’t know if it’s a fight.”
Rin listened silently.
“I one-sided told her what I wanted and then we parted.”
Rin nodded slightly. She didn’t do anything else to blame me, nor to comfort me. For some reason I suddenly felt awkward being here. Rin was just looking at me.
And then—-time-wise only a few minutes had passed, but to me it felt like hours in this white room, when Rin suddenly opened her mouth.
“…Kugi-chan.”
“Like I said, don’t force—“
“Don’t leave….”
With a weak, yet appealing voice Rin said.
“…Don’t leave… Kirisaki-san….alone, okay.”
“….Eh?”
Rin closed her eyes. Her breathing was heavy. I hastily tried to stop her from speaking any more.
“Hey…”
“Please—“
Interrupting me, Rin said something. But I couldn’t hear it well. I draw closer and squatted beside her.
At that time, Rin lightly grabbed on my sleeve with her extended hand. That was all. She must have been at her limit. She was barely exerting any strength. Rin stopped moving just like that.
“….Hey, Kuon? Are you okay?”
Unrest befell me. But that was only for a moment, as soon afterwards Rin started to make small sleeping sounds, which relieved me. She most likely overexerted herself. I looked down on my sleeve, where I felt a light touch. Rin still hadn’t let go. Not really forcing myself, I stayed there for a while. I repeated Rin’s words in my head.
—Don’t leave Kirisaki-san alone, okay.
She just might have wanted to tell me to make up with her. But I heard a different meaning in it.
A wry smile formed at my mouth.
“You’re… worrying about others even at a time like this.”
Man, that ticked me off.
I thought what a narrow-minded human I was.
Well, I actually was.
I should learn a bit from Rin.
“Don’t leave her alone, huh.”
Rin’s word and her heart that made her watch out for others at the cost of pain for herself made me regain my composure.
….Actually I knew it all along, didn’t I?
That the thing I was supposed to do was at least not to push her away. That there was no point in doing so. And that it was the reason for my irritation.
I knew— Yet I—
“…I’m such a weak human.”
Throughout the worst. I already knew it, but not to this extent.
“….”
I gently loosened Rin’s hand and put it back on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath of the room’s air and made a long sigh.
“….Okay.”
I stood up, turned heel and walked away.
And I mumbled.
“Thank you—Rin.”
I grabbed the doorknob.
“—Off I go.”
I quietly opened the door.
And then I started moving to do that what I was supposed to do.
The rough rain hit my body and I was soaked to the bone in no time. The umbrella was no longer of any use.
My baseless idea that she would be at the site of crime after she claimed to take responsibility, made me come to the station.
While running through the crowd of people, I looked for Kirisaki.
The rain clouded my vision. My soaked sneakers made a splashing sound.
I bumped into a couple of people, who gave me an annoyed look, but I still continued to call her name.
Could it be I was doing an utterly stupid thing? Such a thought crossed my mind. If it was her, Kirisaki Kyouko, then she wouldn’t choose a method like me. It was unthinkable that she would choose a baseless and primitive method. Still, I didn’t know any other method, so I just continued to shout her name.
I wonder how long I did it.
My throat and feet started to hurt. My clothes were all wet, which made it hard to move. While panting for hair, I bended my knees and rested my hands on them.
“Damn…. It’s no good?”
Obviously. There was no way she would be here. But what else should I do? What would she do? If it was her—
“—Now that I think about it, I don’t know anything about her…”
No, it might be more correct to say I didn’t try to know anything about her. Because there was no need to. She said she needed me. But that was only to make use of me. There wasn’t a need for mutual understanding. That was what I thought.
But was that really so?
Didn’t I somewhere in my head understand it?
That there was no way she would be able to live a normal life after killing a person.
That her arrogant behavior, her conceited tone, everything was proof that her real self had never been in contact with anyone.
That she surely wanted to escape from the ban that aggrieved her own life.
That the expression she wore when we walked together was real.
I was supposed to understand it.
About what she expected from me.
Yet I only pushed my own emotions onto her.
I wanted to put the blame on someone. I wanted to put the blame on something.
I made her, who was the closest by, shoulder it all.
My confused mind guided me to the simplest and easiest way out.
That was the worst and lowest thing to do.
I knew all that and I knew that she would be hurt the most by saying that, yet I. Yet I only thought about myself—-Damn it.
“Kirisaki…”
I said her name with a fragile voice. It was immediately swallowed up by the sound of the rain.
But—
“What’s the matter, Kugito.”
I turned around.
There stood Kirisaki Kyouko.
“….Kirisaki.”
“You’re looking for something?”
Kirisaki came over to me, who was dripping wet without an umbrella, and tilted her head with a “Mh?”.
“Right back at you…. What are you doing here?”
“Can’t you tell by looking?”
Kirisaki shrugged.
“Looking for the culprit.”
“….In this large crowd?”
“The culprit is after those related to me, so he has to stay in this city. For that he obviously needs to stay at a hotel. So I checked every business hotel here, if lately there checked in anyone for a longer period, or at least for longer than a month.”
I see. But that had low chance of success. Since the world was rather fussy about personal information right now and not to forget that he might commute from his own house.
“Certainly. But I didn’t know of any other way than to go searching hit-or-miss.”
“….There’s a better way than that.”
“What?”
“I think we’ll find him on the first try. It’s quite reliable method.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. But for that we two need to work together.”
“Then it’s no good.”
Kirisaki shot down my idea.
“Why?”
“You stay out of this. You said it earlier.”
“That earlier was… well, my fault. I said too much.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s the truth. So you too don’t get involved with me anymore. Stay with Kuon Rin.”
“It’s not like that. You know, what I want to say is”
“…If you’re going to pity me, stop it. I’ll be fine.”
“That’s not it.”
“Either way, this is my responsibility. I have an obligation to resolve this by myself.”
Kirisaki turned around and walked away.
“Hey wait, Kirisaki!”
“Rest assured. I won’t cause any trouble for you anymore.”
“And I’m telling you it’s not like that!”
“I’ll be fine alone.”
“That’s not it!”
She— Gnar–!
Here I was looking for her to apologize and I got this. She could at least listen to me for a bit. Ah, I was getting angry. Damn, why did I have to go through this. Aww, what a pain. That was why I hated dealing with people. Fuck, I didn’t care anymore!
“Kirisaki!”
I draw closer, grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around.
“….What?”
“Stay still for a bit.”
Kirisaki’s big eyes were looking at me. I swallowed my saliva.
“Kugito…?”
“Be quiet.”
I took a deep breath. She got wary and asked “What are you going to do?”, but she didn’t shake me off. Not just that, she relaxed as to entrust her body to me. I spit out all the air in my lungs. Then I said “Good”.
“Don’t move.”
Then my head moved towards Kirisaki’s—-
“Ah…”
But that was just a faint and I pulled my head backwards, only to give her a full power headband.
“—!”
Kirisaki widened her eyes, hold onto her forehead and stepped back.
“Wh- What are you doing!”
“Heh, did you think I would kiss you? You’re such a romantic, Kirisaki.”
“Who would desire that! What’s the idea!?”
“I just stopped caring about a lot of things. And being considerate is a pain too. I’ll have you listen to what I have to say, Kirisaki.”
I resolute pointed at Kirisaki.
“Listen! I’m at fault for earlier. Let me apologize for that. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m not really—“
“Next, after I thought about it, when you’re responsible, so am I!”
“…What?”
“Listen well, Kirisaki. I’m saying that I’m dating you.”
I went on.
“What does it mean to date someone? Just going home together after school? Or to eat together? Shopping together? I at least think that’s not it.”
Yeah. I knew it all along. I just didn’t want to admit it. I was just running away from the responsibility like a kid.
“I dated you with the determination to accept everything about you. That’s why everything that concerns you, also concerns me. I decided so myself. If I don’t see that through till the end, my promise with you will become a lie.”
“Kugito….”
“Let’s go it together, Kirisaki.”
I stepped closer. Kirisaki made a perplexed expression. I grabbed her by her neck and forcefully pulled her close to me.
“We can pull it off, definitely.”
Kirisaki’s hand pawed in the air in confusion. I took her hand in mine and said.
“Sorry for going on all by myself. But for now I won’t leave you alone.”
Kirisaki didn’t respond anything and her face lightly hit on my chest.
“…You’re an idiot. That can hardly be the correct choice.”
Yeah. But I’ll don’t sweat the details anymore.
I just decided so.
“For now, wipe your hair with this.”
I had a desperate fight with my shoes, as they were hard to take off because they were so soaked, when Kirisaki handed me a towel. I took the towel and raised my head simply to say my thanks, when Kirisaki faced me directly.
“…..”
For some reason, I fell silent. Kirisaki also didn’t say anything while exchanging looks with me and simply gazed at me.
…This was rather awkward.
“…Say something.”
“I only gave you a towel. I have nothing else to say. If someone has to say something, it should be you saying ‘thanks’, no?”
She hit the nail on the head, but for some unknown reason, I couldn’t say it. Talking normally with her like before was rather difficult.
I see. That was how it felt to make up after a fight.
While I technically apologized, the fact remains that I hurt her and I didn’t know how to face her now.
Kirisaki was equivalent troubled. And for some reason I could see some anxiety in her behavior.
“…I’ll get you a change of clothes. Though I only have my father’s.”
“Why do you have your father’s clothes?”
“I thought it might be effective to ward of underwear thieves, so I brought them with me.”
What were you, an office lady living on her own?
Kirisaki crossed the living room and disappeared in the back. I finally got my shoes off and came inside. For starters, I wiped my wet hair with the towel. I sighed for no apparent reason. That why people, who had no deep relationship with anyone before, were troublesome. They had an immense lack of experience and when they finally get a partner, it becomes awkward on various fronts.
But I had to say, I was soaked splendidly. I was completely wet down to my underwear.
I looked at the back. It seemed that Kirisaki wasn’t coming back yet.
I hesitated for a bit, but decided to take off my clothes. I exposed my upper body and wiped it dry with the towel. I put the clothes I took off on the hanger, even though I felt bad since I didn’t ask for permission.
Next I lowered my gaze onto my trousers…. What should I do about this? I thought that also taking off the bottom would go too far, but considering it was only Kirisaki anyway, I changed my mind. Even if she never went that far, she should have at least seen a man naked. I also got the feeling that she would laugh scornfully at me if our positions were reversed.
Pondering about this and that, I decided to take off my trousers as well, since it felt unpleasant in the wet clothes. I loosened the belt, took them off and put them on the hanger like the other clothes. As for my trunks…No, that would really be going too far. But what was the difference from when I wrapped my bottom half with a towel? At a loss what to do, I kept putting my finger on the trunks and removing them again.
Suddenly.
“Here I am. Seems I put them away far in the back. They’re a bit big, but it somehow—“
Her voice suddenly stopped.
I turned her way.
For some reason, she had frozen up. While carrying man’s clothes, she was all stiff with widened eyes. Even I didn’t know what to do, so I just raised my hand.
“…Yo.”
BAM!
The sliding door was closed.
“…What the hell are you doing!”
“Well, all these wet clothes felt unpleasant.”
“Even then, you think nothing of stripping down to your trunk in a girl’s room?”
“You say girl, but it’s just you. Why should I show reservation?”
“Anyway, just put on some clothes. Right now. At once. As soon as possible. Faster than the light. Hurry up!”
Sure, sure. Then give me the clothes.
The sliding door opened a bit and a hand appeared. A shirt and trousers dropped onto the floor. While thinking what a weird girl she was, I picked up the clothes, put away the towel and wore the shirt and trousers. While I buttoned up the shirt, I said.
“You can come in now.”
“I hope you’re not lying.”
“Why would I lie?”
“So you say, but I hope you’re not standing there butt naked with your arms spread when I open the door.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
The door opened up to a little gap. Kirisaki peeked through it. I titled my head and asked “What’s up with you?”. Then the door opened completely. Kirisaki came inside.
“Seriously. Normally such an event would be the other way around.”
What?
“….Hey, are you okay?”
“What you mean?”
I pointed at Kirisaki.
“Your face is red.”
Her reaction was large. She leaned backwards and covered it with her hands at the same time.
“Th- That’s not true!”
“Then why are you hiding your face?”
“I, I’m not hiding it! I’m just trying to tear of my skin!”
Scary!
“If you’re going to make an excuse, choose a better one! When you say it, it doesn’t sound like a joke.”
“How rude.”
The finally took down her hands and coughed. But her cheeks were still slightly red.
….Hey, could it be she.
“You…”
“Wh- What?”
“….I think that’s not possible, but I’ll ask just in case.”
“Okay.”
“You—“ I asked “ aren’t saying that you never saw a man naked, are you?”
Kirisaki said calmly.
“I have not.”
“NOT!?”
“No.”
“You’re lying!”
“I’m not.”
“But you talked to me about masturbation and sex with an arrogant expression!”
“This and that are different.”
“What is different?”
“What, well… Basically, seeing you naked is—-No, forget it. Anyway, the idea that it’s okay to be naked in front of me is screwed up.”
“Well, yeah…. Aww, damn it. Somehow I got embarrassed now. That’s your fault.”
“I think it’s your fault for getting butt naked in front of a girl.”
“I wasn’t butt naked! I was still wearing my trunks!”
“F- For a girl, who never saw a man naked, it doesn’t matter if you wear them or not!”
“It matters! It’s an important matter of seeing it or not! Would you allow star marks on the nipples of a gravure model!?”
“I would! That leaves more place for imagination!”
“I bet you’re the type that looks at mosaics with squinted eyes, aren’t you! And when you see an uncensored one, you babble about how it’s unneeded since it’s disgusting!”
“Is that bad? Everything needs a craving for it!”
“That’s why you’re still a virgin!”
“You’re a virgin yourself!”
“D- Don’t say it!”
“Okay, fine!”
Kirisaki said ant started to unbutton her shirt.
“Wh- What are you doing!”
“I’ll show everything of me too. Then we’re even.”
“Stop it, Idiot. I don’t want to see that!”
“WHAT!? I’m quite famous when I take off my clothes, you know!?”
“To whom!”
“My inner self!”
Just a self-assessment!?
“I don’t believe that!”
“Then look and judge for yourself!”
“Stop iiiit!”
Kirisaki was seriously going to strip, so chopped her vertex.
“Oww!”
“Give it a rest already!”
“It’s your fault!”
“No, yours!”
“What!”
“Got a problem with that?”
Kirisaki looked up to me and I looked down to her. For a while we stared at each other. Like that a couple of seconds passed.
Then,
“….So stupid.”
I was the first to stop.
“Indeed.”
Kirisaki agreed.
And then we two burst into laughter nearly at the same time.
“So stupid.”
“Quite so.”
For a while, we laughed. I felt the awkward feeling from before disappear. There was no need to wreck my brain. This exchange was most suited for our relationship. I confident thought that.
“….Geez.”
“Kugito.”
Kirisaki had stopped laughing and called my name.
“What?”
“You said there’s another method.”
My expression became serious again. Right, that was our original topic.
“…Yeah, there is.”
“How does it go?”
“It’s quite simple. Start up your notebook.”
Kirisaki tilted her head, said “Okay” and went over to the notebook. She switched it on.
“What are you going to do?”
“Access the <Alice Tea Party> page on the internet.”
Kirisaki made a perplexed expression, but did as I told her. “To the BBS next” On my instruction, the familiar forum appeared.
“Good. Now write down what I tell you.”
“Ok.”
I told her the matter. Kirisaki widened her eyes in surprise.
“Hey, that’s…”
“Yeah, that’s the only way for now.”
“….Certainly. How could I fail to notice this simple thing?”
No real surprise. It was a plan that only worked with the two of us.
“Right. Okay, I get it. Let’s carry it out.”
Kirisaki typed on the keyboard. Then she clicked the publish button. A new thread was made.
Good, now was left to see if <March Hare> would fall for it or not—
For now the preparations were complete.
Don’t get cocky, Imposter. Towards the nutcase <Midnight killing Devil> that I never met, I thought.
Don’t think we’ll accept this injustice world forever.
Chapter 05: Immortal Boy and solitary Knife
….It started raining. Water drops hit the only window of the waiting room in front of the operation room in the hospital. At first it were only a few, so that you could count them, but over time they got more and bigger. And ultimately they mixed together with the background and became like a waterfall.
The crepuscule room was scorched by an illumination. I raised my head with a catchy movement and stared at the red glowing lamp of the operation room.
To be honest, I didn’t know how much time had passed.
No, to begin with, I wasn’t even sure why I was here. I remembered up to the point where we found Rin, the ambulance came and she was carried inside on a stretcher. After that I somehow remembered some interaction with my sister, but anything further was unclear. It felt like a forcefully repaired film tear, which ended with me suddenly sitting here in the waiting room with my arms crossed. Kirisaki had disappeared at one point.
Rin’s parents were sitting beside me with blue expressions. I had talked to them for a bit. It seemed Rin had told them about me on various occasions. About how we ate lunch together. About how we went home together. How I helped her when she had trouble. How she helped me. And how happy and joyful she looked while talking about it. Her parents thanked me. Her mother also told me that she had no friends before she entered high school because of her personality. Rin herself had just smiled it off, but deep down in her heart she must have been lonely. But shortly after she had entered Meitou Academy she had reported her mother that she made a single friend. And that was me. Apparently she praised me at a very kind, strong and amazing person. It was the first time that Rin had talked about someone else, so her mother had always been grateful to me.
So what? Yeah, what did it matter? What was so special about it? What exactly did I do? Rin was by far a more amazing person.
So why was it her that got attacked?
Me included, there were plenty of people in the world, whose death wouldn’t sadden anyone.
I couldn’t understand the egoist logic from those guys, who would attack someone like Rin. If something like fate really existed, on what grounds was it based on? If you call it fate that Rin was in a dying condition while others, who deserved that first, were still living a stupid life, then I would love to hear the answer to why it had to be like this. If it was merely decided by a roll of a dice, then it was just too unfair to her.
I was well aware that the asshole, who attacked Rin, was at fault. But I just couldn’t accept this world’s injustice that made that guy choose Rin. There must be some kind of reason. Some kind of meaning. That was all that was going through my head.
I stood up. It wasn’t like I wanted to go anywhere. But if I stayed here, I would only ponder about things that I couldn’t solve, so I bowed to Rin’s parents and left the room as to get a chance of mood.
I pressed the elevator button and by chance the doors opened immediately.
When I was about to go inside, my cell phone rang. It was from my sister.
I took the elevator down to first floor, left the hospital and took the call while I watched the downpour.
“Hello?”
“Kugito?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s me. Do you have a moment?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
I could hear other voices in the background. After Rin was taken away to the hospital by the ambulance, my sister went to the police station and she was probably sill there now.
“You know…”
“Mh?”
“I want you to listen to this calmly.”
She started off like that, but then fell silent indecisive. So I knew it had to be about Rin’s case. I rushed my sister with a “What’s the matter?”. After a “Yeah” followed by a short pause, my sister said.
“It’s about…. Kuon Rin, your friend—“
For a moment I heard nothing but my sister’s voice. Anything else seemed to be happen far away from me.
“…What did you say?”
My sister once again said “I want you to listen calmly”.
“Your friend, Kuon Rin, was stabbed various times all over her body. And on her stomach—“
Something clicked in my head.
“—on her stomach there was a cross engraved with a knife.”
Then all the background noise came back to me. The rain echoed annoyingly loud in my ears.
“That….means?”
“We can’t be sure yet, but it’s quite likely— that Kuon-san was attacked by the <cross-slashing Devil>.”
“Why!”
I let out my voice uncontrolled.
“Why did that nutcase come to our town! WHY!?”
“Calm down, Kugito. We still don’t know if it was him. Nor if there was any reason behind it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Even I don’t want to admit it, but—“
Hesitantly my sister continued.
“Listen, all those victims have nothing in common. Their age, occupation and living area are all different. That makes us believes that he picks his victims randomly. Kugito, what I mean is that Kuon-san was most likely a victim of a random assault.”
“…No way.”
That…. That couldn’t be. By chance? A coincidence? Are you telling me was attacked for a stupid, nonsense and ridiculous reason like that?
“She… She’s practically on her deathbed. She’s still under operation, but the worst case isn’t avoided yet. So… Why….”
“Kugito—“
“I… don’t believe that, Sis. There’s no way that’s possible.”
“…But Kugito, seeing the facts, that’s the only conclusion. Of course I don’t know any specifics, but I’m sure the investigation headquarters came to the same conclusion.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Kugito, face reality…..might be useless to tell you now. Okay. If that’s how you feel, then so be it.”
My sister told me with a somewhat pitiful voice.
“If it makes you feel better, believe so. This might be cold, but that’s all I can say…. I’m sorry.”
With a CLICK the call was ended. I dropped my arms, scuffled over to a near bench and sat down.
I rested my head on my hands. Disordered thoughts went around in my head. Like Rin’s smile, her restlessly moving silhouette or waving her hand towards me. In short, the everyday life with Rin that I had believed would continue forever flashed in my mind.
It weren’t thoughts of love towards Rin.
It’s just that the life of the person, who I had admired and respected, got screwed over. Just like I had destroyed the life of my parents and sister, this meaningless injustice had hurt unrelated bystander and crushed her life.
“Why….”
Why was the world like this? Just why?
Someone answer me. Was the fact that the culprit, who attacked Rin, doesn’t get caught or the fact that I couldn’t die even though I wanted to, just meaningless and just because? It was out of our reach, so whatever happens, there was nothing we could do about it?
“I can’t laugh at this…”
Wasn’t there anything I could do?
“Damn!”
Nothing would come out of it, but I stroke a nearby pillar strongly.
At that moment.
“Kugito….”
A familiar voice. I raised my head. There stood a girl in the rain with an umbrella.
“….Kirisaki.”
Where did you go.
“Sorry. There was something on my mind, so I went home once. How’s Kuon Rin…?”
“I don’t know. It seems her wounds weren’t fatal, but she still lost too much blood”
“….I see.”
Kirisaki folded her umbrella and stood in front of me.
“So? … What was it that was on your mind?”
“Yeah, about that—“
Kirisaki nodded and opened her mouth.
“—-No, this isn’t a good place. Let’s go to my room.”
I entered her room, which hadn’t changed from before. Kirisaki started up her notebook and I sat beside her to look at the display.
“…Kugito.”
“Mh?”
While moving the mouse, Kirisaki said.
“Wouldn’t you say that Kuon Rin was attacked by a fake <Midnight killing Devil>?”
I widened my eyes. “….Why would you say that?”
“I’ll explain now.”
While typing on the keyboard, Kirisaki continued.
“While the possibility was low, when I heard that Kuon Rin was attacked, a hint of uneasiness befell me. That maybe a mimicking <Midnight killing Devil> appeared. Of course there was no reason to it. So while I prayed that I’m wrong, I opened this page.”
The page shown on the display was <Alice Tea Party>.
“I always kept track of the actions of the fake <Midnight killing Devil>, meaning <March Hare’s> actions— After the murder of a man, he wrote on the forum that he did that himself.”
More typing on the keyboard. The post that showed up had the same arrogant tone like the one from before.
“Today in OO City, XY District a man was killed. That was me. Our God is dead. From this day on, I’ll be the new <Midnight killing Devil>.”
“Bastard…”
There were a lot of replies, but <March Hare> didn’t respond to any of them. Probably because a God wouldn’t exchange words with mere mortals so easily.
“But <March Hare> answered this reply alone.”
It was located further down. Moving the mouse, she scrolled down. There was written.
“It was in the news. You have no proof. Aren’t you just lying?”
Then followed quite a lot of approvals for that comment.
“Maybe it hurt his pride, but <March Hare> answered like this.”
Kirisaki stopped her fingers. I looked at where Kirisaki pointed.
“Fine. Then I’ll write here about the next one before it runs in the news.”
“This is…”
“Yeah. That’s why I thought that maybe the assault this time would be written here and took a look. And then.”
Kirisaki returned to the index, which showed the latest posts.
“…Something beyond my expectation took place.”
She clicked on a post with the title “To the former Midnight killing Devil”.
“Today, in Meitou City at a back alley near the Meitou Station, I stabbed a single girl to near death. I’m sure the news will report about it later. Are those, who bantered me, satisfied now?
But that’s not all for today. There will be another one later. This isn’t meant for the plebs that gather here, but just for one person: The former <Midnight killing Devil>.
I respected you. No, you can say I worshipped you.
But your crimes lately are too rubbishy. They’re lacking your former glamour.
That’s why I decided to act as the <Midnight killing Devil> in your stead. I did that because I believed that by doing so you would come to hate me and return to your previous artistic killer self.
But you not only failed my expectation, you also stopped your crimes all together. I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m gravely disappointed. So I came to a new conclusion. That you are dead. Our God is dead, so someone will act in his stead. I’m the only one suited for the task.
But first I need you to receive retribution. I have to judge you for soiling the sacred title of <Midnight killing Devil>.
The reason I didn’t kill that girl today, was merely to introduce the prologue. I didn’t choose that girl by chance.”
What…? This went into a different direction from what I imagined, but I frowned.
“I know everything about you. And when I say everything, I mean <everything>. I can hear a <voice>. The voice of <God’s child> is telling me everything.
It won’t be only that girl. From now on I’ll kill everyone related to you, not leaving anyone. Those you hold dear or those you know briefly, everyone. This is your punishment. I have to judge the sinner.”
—-.
I felt like a received a heavy blow to my head. Completely clueless, I held down my forehead. I let out a long sigh.
“—Is he…. Is he serious?”
Kirisaki looked at me. Then she nodded positive.
“…I fear so. Since Kuon Rin was actually attacked, we have no choice but to think so.”
“Then… it’s no coincidence that he came to this city?”
“Yeah.”
“And that Kuon got attacked too?”
“Yeah.”
“….How? How comes he knows all that?”
Kirisaki shook her head.
“…I don’t really know. I’m worried about that god’s voice. Kuon Rin and me don’t know each other for long. Yet he was informed about it. That makes me believe that this <God’s voice> really has past and present data about me. But is that even possible…?”
I didn’t know. Too much things that I didn’t understand.
But— That wasn’t important right now. I felt like I only got more confused the more I tried to sort my thoughts.
Then suddenly—- a single thought flashed in my head.
“Kirisaki.”
I mumbled.
“Then, it’s like that?”
On my dry voice, Kirisaki turned to me with an inquiring expression. While I pressed my hands against my mouth, I felt my emotions squeezing out from my throat.
“You—“
I felt like being skewed. Without really understanding what I was going to say, the words spilled out of my mouth.
“—You’re the reason that Kuon got attacked?”
Kirisaki widened her eyes. I continued.
“I mean…. Isn’t that so. When all these related to you get attacked, that’s how it plays out.”
“Kugito…”
I knew that my emotions were taking a path that they shouldn’t. I wanted to stop it. But in the end that was the conclusion I reached.
I could neither stop it, nor try to stop it.
“……”
Before I noticed it, I was smiling. Normally, with my sanity that wouldn’t be possible, but just this time I was showing a smile without knowing it. At first it was small, then it spread gradually. While showing a smile that I couldn’t suppress, I mumbled.
“Oh wow.”
With raised corners of my mouth, I said.
“That’s how it turns out. There was no way that there was any logic behind the attack on Rin. Yeah. It was your fault. Because I meddle with a killer like you, Rin got acquainted with you. And the result is this.”
Kirisaki opened her mouth to say something, but I ignored her and went on.
“I was naive. I was stupid. I thought that if I were a bit more tolerant, I could date you like normal. But yeah, you’re different. You’re different from Rin and me. You’re the kind of human, who can still live on normally after killing a person. It’s your fault. It’s your fault that Rin got attacked.”
I knew myself that I was spouting nonsense. But that was all I could think of. I believed it to be the only answer to resolve this injustice.
“Back then I should have reported you to the police after all. Then that impersonator would have lost interest in you and Rin wouldn’t have gotten attacked. Because I was an utter fool and full of naive thoughts it turned out like this.”
“Kugito….”
“Don’t call my name!”
I pushed away her hand that she extended towards me. The inside of my head was a mess. I stood up. Kirisaki made a dumbfounded expression that I never saw on her before.
“Can you still make any excuses? Can you still give me a satisfying explanation to why it isn’t your fault that Rin got attacked? C’mon, isn’t that your speciality?”
Kirisaki didn’t say anything. She just looked at me dumbfounded. I averted my gaze and hit my strongly clenched fist against the wall. It made a creaking sound. The rain got stronger.
After a while, I could see Kirisaki bow down in the corner of my vision. With a faint smile and halting, Kirisaki said.
“…I can’t.”
“Huh?”
I shifted my gaze back to her. Kirisaki, with her head lowered, had crossed her fingers atop her skirt.
“I can’t do that. Yeah….it’s exactly like you said. This is… my fault.”
Her voice wasn’t resolute like usually. It were just dejected and downfallen words. Like a scolded kid, Kirisaki had stiffened up, just enduring my outburst.
“Yeah, like you said, I should have turned in myself to the police. I also believe I could lead a normal life when I have you around me. That was indeed naive. As someone, who committed a crime, I should have done this earlier. … Sorry. Not like an apology will solve anything, but still—”
Kirisaki faced me and deeply bowed her head.
“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault that this happened to Kuon Rin.”
I didn’t know how to react to that. What good would it do to blame her any more?
Kirisaki stood up slowly.
“…I’ll definitely take responsibility for this.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That’s of no concern for you. You better get out of here quickly. And don’t get involved with me anymore. You can forget about our promise.”
“But you—”
“Kugito!”
Kirisaki raised her voice, then said.
“…Hurry and get out of here. Please.”
I remained silent. Kirisaki turned her back to me and didn’t say anything more. Her shoulders were slightly shaking.
“….Okay.”
I turned around, walked to the door and grabbed the doorknob.
When I opened the door, Kirisaki said.
“Kugito.”
I stayed silent and she continued.
“Thanks for up till now.”
At a loss for what to reply, I ended up leaving without saying anything.
I closed the door behind me.
A sound of alienation faintly echoed amidst the rain.
Shapeless thoughts spun around in my head and mingled with my worries. Before I knew it, I stood in front of the hospital, which Rin was admitted to.
Folding the umbrella in my right hand, I sat down on a bench.
The rain didn’t seem to let down, rather it intensified. I just sat there alone, doing nothing.
After a small sigh, I rested my chin on my palm.
My heart felt bitter. I felt repulsion and a disgust different from throwing up. I shook my head.
“…Damn.”
My irritation got worse. I didn’t know myself were this feeling was coming from.
I had thought she would be able to manage it better. I had thought she would ensnare me with her finickiness like always and while I was uncertain she would forcefully make me agree even if I had a different opinion.
Yet she admitted to it so easily.
—-This is… my fault.
Her expression when she said that flickered in my mind. I didn’t say anything wrong. It was just that the expression she showed me stirred up something within me. She looked just so,
….just so sad.
I was angry about something. Trying to figure out about what for a long period, I ended up being angry about myself for not being resolute.
Rin ended up like that because she had contact to Kirisaki.
That was why I hate Kirisaki.
But on the other side, there was a part of myself that couldn’t fully agree to that.
Not knowing what I really wanted to do, I felt like I was strangling myself.
How many hours had passed like this?
I wondered how long I had been like this and how much longer I would continue to stay like this.
At any rate, what brought me back to my senses was a voice calling “Node-san”.
I raised my head and look that way uncertain.
Rin’s mother stood in the entrance.
While coming over, she said.
“Node-san, Rin is—”
With an increased breathing, she showed a smile for the first time.
“—-Rin is awake now.”
Please don’t agitate her. She’s still in a critical condition.
That was what the doctor told me. While nodding in affirmation, I entered the sick room.
Rin was silently laying on the hospital bed with her eyes closed like she was sleeping while attached to a respiratory system. But she then opened her eyes as the sensed my presence.
When I draw closer, she gave off a small smile.
“Yo.”
Not knowing what I should do, I raised my hand and gave myself a wry smile to the stupid ‘Yo’. Her parents were probably considerate, as they left the room when I entered.
“Are you okay?…..Guess that’s a stupid question.”
Rin forced herself to smile. I took a nearby chair and sat down on it. Rin opened her mouth to say something, but her face immediately distorted in pain. Talking must be painful to her too.
“…Sorry. You don’t need to force yourself to speak.”
When I said that, Rin nodded and formed a “Sorry” with her lips.
“Don’t mind it….Seems like you’ll be in the hospital for a while.”
Rin slightly shook her head. Judging by the situation it didn’t seem like she meant to disagree, but that she didn’t know.
I said “I see” and fell silent afterwards. I couldn’t really stay here for long.
“…Anyway, I’m glad you regained consciousness. You must be tired. I’ll go home for today. When you feel better, I’ll drop by again.”
Rin nodded and said “Thanks” without a voice. With a “It’s fine” I stood up.
At that moment, Rin looked beside me. She looked at the nothingness there, then turned her gaze back to me. That behavior looked like so wanted to ask something. I scratched my head and said.
“Kirisaki… isn’t here.”
Rin blinked. I made a slight sigh. I couldn’t answer immediately. I started with a “Well…”, whereupon Rin said to me with a quiet voice.
“….A fight?”
“Not exactly….”
If that wasn’t it, then what was it? I asked myself, but not getting an answer, it were weasel words. I wanted to say something appropriate, but I couldn’t. I felt that no matter what I said, it would only sound like excuses in front of her.
“….I don’t know if it’s a fight.”
Rin listened silently.
“I one-sided told her what I wanted and then we parted.”
Rin nodded slightly. She didn’t do anything else to blame me, nor to comfort me. For some reason I suddenly felt awkward being here. Rin was just looking at me.
And then—-time-wise only a few minutes had passed, but to me it felt like hours in this white room, when Rin suddenly opened her mouth.
“…Kugi-chan.”
“Like I said, don’t force—“
“Don’t leave….”
With a weak, yet appealing voice Rin said.
“…Don’t leave… Kirisaki-san….alone, okay.”
“….Eh?”
Rin closed her eyes. Her breathing was heavy. I hastily tried to stop her from speaking any more.
“Hey…”
“Please—“
Interrupting me, Rin said something. But I couldn’t hear it well. I draw closer and squatted beside her.
At that time, Rin lightly grabbed on my sleeve with her extended hand. That was all. She must have been at her limit. She was barely exerting any strength. Rin stopped moving just like that.
“….Hey, Kuon? Are you okay?”
Unrest befell me. But that was only for a moment, as soon afterwards Rin started to make small sleeping sounds, which relieved me. She most likely overexerted herself. I looked down on my sleeve, where I felt a light touch. Rin still hadn’t let go. Not really forcing myself, I stayed there for a while. I repeated Rin’s words in my head.
—Don’t leave Kirisaki-san alone, okay.
She just might have wanted to tell me to make up with her. But I heard a different meaning in it.
A wry smile formed at my mouth.
“You’re… worrying about others even at a time like this.”
Man, that ticked me off.
I thought what a narrow-minded human I was.
Well, I actually was.
I should learn a bit from Rin.
“Don’t leave her alone, huh.”
Rin’s word and her heart that made her watch out for others at the cost of pain for herself made me regain my composure.
….Actually I knew it all along, didn’t I?
That the thing I was supposed to do was at least not to push her away. That there was no point in doing so. And that it was the reason for my irritation.
I knew— Yet I—
“…I’m such a weak human.”
Throughout the worst. I already knew it, but not to this extent.
“….”
I gently loosened Rin’s hand and put it back on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath of the room’s air and made a long sigh.
“….Okay.”
I stood up, turned heel and walked away.
And I mumbled.
“Thank you—Rin.”
I grabbed the doorknob.
“—Off I go.”
I quietly opened the door.
And then I started moving to do that what I was supposed to do.
The rough rain hit my body and I was soaked to the bone in no time. The umbrella was no longer of any use.
My baseless idea that she would be at the site of crime after she claimed to take responsibility, made me come to the station.
While running through the crowd of people, I looked for Kirisaki.
The rain clouded my vision. My soaked sneakers made a splashing sound.
I bumped into a couple of people, who gave me an annoyed look, but I still continued to call her name.
Could it be I was doing an utterly stupid thing? Such a thought crossed my mind. If it was her, Kirisaki Kyouko, then she wouldn’t choose a method like me. It was unthinkable that she would choose a baseless and primitive method. Still, I didn’t know any other method, so I just continued to shout her name.
I wonder how long I did it.
My throat and feet started to hurt. My clothes were all wet, which made it hard to move. While panting for hair, I bended my knees and rested my hands on them.
“Damn…. It’s no good?”
Obviously. There was no way she would be here. But what else should I do? What would she do? If it was her—
“—Now that I think about it, I don’t know anything about her…”
No, it might be more correct to say I didn’t try to know anything about her. Because there was no need to. She said she needed me. But that was only to make use of me. There wasn’t a need for mutual understanding. That was what I thought.
But was that really so?
Didn’t I somewhere in my head understand it?
That there was no way she would be able to live a normal life after killing a person.
That her arrogant behavior, her conceited tone, everything was proof that her real self had never been in contact with anyone.
That she surely wanted to escape from the ban that aggrieved her own life.
That the expression she wore when we walked together was real.
I was supposed to understand it.
About what she expected from me.
Yet I only pushed my own emotions onto her.
I wanted to put the blame on someone. I wanted to put the blame on something.
I made her, who was the closest by, shoulder it all.
My confused mind guided me to the simplest and easiest way out.
That was the worst and lowest thing to do.
I knew all that and I knew that she would be hurt the most by saying that, yet I. Yet I only thought about myself—-Damn it.
“Kirisaki…”
I said her name with a fragile voice. It was immediately swallowed up by the sound of the rain.
But—
“What’s the matter, Kugito.”
I turned around.
There stood Kirisaki Kyouko.
“….Kirisaki.”
“You’re looking for something?”
Kirisaki came over to me, who was dripping wet without an umbrella, and tilted her head with a “Mh?”.
“Right back at you…. What are you doing here?”
“Can’t you tell by looking?”
Kirisaki shrugged.
“Looking for the culprit.”
“….In this large crowd?”
“The culprit is after those related to me, so he has to stay in this city. For that he obviously needs to stay at a hotel. So I checked every business hotel here, if lately there checked in anyone for a longer period, or at least for longer than a month.”
I see. But that had low chance of success. Since the world was rather fussy about personal information right now and not to forget that he might commute from his own house.
“Certainly. But I didn’t know of any other way than to go searching hit-or-miss.”
“….There’s a better way than that.”
“What?”
“I think we’ll find him on the first try. It’s quite reliable method.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. But for that we two need to work together.”
“Then it’s no good.”
Kirisaki shot down my idea.
“Why?”
“You stay out of this. You said it earlier.”
“That earlier was… well, my fault. I said too much.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s the truth. So you too don’t get involved with me anymore. Stay with Kuon Rin.”
“It’s not like that. You know, what I want to say is”
“…If you’re going to pity me, stop it. I’ll be fine.”
“That’s not it.”
“Either way, this is my responsibility. I have an obligation to resolve this by myself.”
Kirisaki turned around and walked away.
“Hey wait, Kirisaki!”
“Rest assured. I won’t cause any trouble for you anymore.”
“And I’m telling you it’s not like that!”
“I’ll be fine alone.”
“That’s not it!”
She— Gnar–!
Here I was looking for her to apologize and I got this. She could at least listen to me for a bit. Ah, I was getting angry. Damn, why did I have to go through this. Aww, what a pain. That was why I hated dealing with people. Fuck, I didn’t care anymore!
“Kirisaki!”
I draw closer, grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around.
“….What?”
“Stay still for a bit.”
Kirisaki’s big eyes were looking at me. I swallowed my saliva.
“Kugito…?”
“Be quiet.”
I took a deep breath. She got wary and asked “What are you going to do?”, but she didn’t shake me off. Not just that, she relaxed as to entrust her body to me. I spit out all the air in my lungs. Then I said “Good”.
“Don’t move.”
Then my head moved towards Kirisaki’s—-
“Ah…”
But that was just a faint and I pulled my head backwards, only to give her a full power headband.
“—!”
Kirisaki widened her eyes, hold onto her forehead and stepped back.
“Wh- What are you doing!”
“Heh, did you think I would kiss you? You’re such a romantic, Kirisaki.”
“Who would desire that! What’s the idea!?”
“I just stopped caring about a lot of things. And being considerate is a pain too. I’ll have you listen to what I have to say, Kirisaki.”
I resolute pointed at Kirisaki.
“Listen! I’m at fault for earlier. Let me apologize for that. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m not really—“
“Next, after I thought about it, when you’re responsible, so am I!”
“…What?”
“Listen well, Kirisaki. I’m saying that I’m dating you.”
I went on.
“What does it mean to date someone? Just going home together after school? Or to eat together? Shopping together? I at least think that’s not it.”
Yeah. I knew it all along. I just didn’t want to admit it. I was just running away from the responsibility like a kid.
“I dated you with the determination to accept everything about you. That’s why everything that concerns you, also concerns me. I decided so myself. If I don’t see that through till the end, my promise with you will become a lie.”
“Kugito….”
“Let’s go it together, Kirisaki.”
I stepped closer. Kirisaki made a perplexed expression. I grabbed her by her neck and forcefully pulled her close to me.
“We can pull it off, definitely.”
Kirisaki’s hand pawed in the air in confusion. I took her hand in mine and said.
“Sorry for going on all by myself. But for now I won’t leave you alone.”
Kirisaki didn’t respond anything and her face lightly hit on my chest.
“…You’re an idiot. That can hardly be the correct choice.”
Yeah. But I’ll don’t sweat the details anymore.
I just decided so.
“For now, wipe your hair with this.”
I had a desperate fight with my shoes, as they were hard to take off because they were so soaked, when Kirisaki handed me a towel. I took the towel and raised my head simply to say my thanks, when Kirisaki faced me directly.
“…..”
For some reason, I fell silent. Kirisaki also didn’t say anything while exchanging looks with me and simply gazed at me.
…This was rather awkward.
“…Say something.”
“I only gave you a towel. I have nothing else to say. If someone has to say something, it should be you saying ‘thanks’, no?”
She hit the nail on the head, but for some unknown reason, I couldn’t say it. Talking normally with her like before was rather difficult.
I see. That was how it felt to make up after a fight.
While I technically apologized, the fact remains that I hurt her and I didn’t know how to face her now.
Kirisaki was equivalent troubled. And for some reason I could see some anxiety in her behavior.
“…I’ll get you a change of clothes. Though I only have my father’s.”
“Why do you have your father’s clothes?”
“I thought it might be effective to ward of underwear thieves, so I brought them with me.”
What were you, an office lady living on her own?
Kirisaki crossed the living room and disappeared in the back. I finally got my shoes off and came inside. For starters, I wiped my wet hair with the towel. I sighed for no apparent reason. That why people, who had no deep relationship with anyone before, were troublesome. They had an immense lack of experience and when they finally get a partner, it becomes awkward on various fronts.
But I had to say, I was soaked splendidly. I was completely wet down to my underwear.
I looked at the back. It seemed that Kirisaki wasn’t coming back yet.
I hesitated for a bit, but decided to take off my clothes. I exposed my upper body and wiped it dry with the towel. I put the clothes I took off on the hanger, even though I felt bad since I didn’t ask for permission.
Next I lowered my gaze onto my trousers…. What should I do about this? I thought that also taking off the bottom would go too far, but considering it was only Kirisaki anyway, I changed my mind. Even if she never went that far, she should have at least seen a man naked. I also got the feeling that she would laugh scornfully at me if our positions were reversed.
Pondering about this and that, I decided to take off my trousers as well, since it felt unpleasant in the wet clothes. I loosened the belt, took them off and put them on the hanger like the other clothes. As for my trunks…No, that would really be going too far. But what was the difference from when I wrapped my bottom half with a towel? At a loss what to do, I kept putting my finger on the trunks and removing them again.
Suddenly.
“Here I am. Seems I put them away far in the back. They’re a bit big, but it somehow—“
Her voice suddenly stopped.
I turned her way.
For some reason, she had frozen up. While carrying man’s clothes, she was all stiff with widened eyes. Even I didn’t know what to do, so I just raised my hand.
“…Yo.”
BAM!
The sliding door was closed.
“…What the hell are you doing!”
“Well, all these wet clothes felt unpleasant.”
“Even then, you think nothing of stripping down to your trunk in a girl’s room?”
“You say girl, but it’s just you. Why should I show reservation?”
“Anyway, just put on some clothes. Right now. At once. As soon as possible. Faster than the light. Hurry up!”
Sure, sure. Then give me the clothes.
The sliding door opened a bit and a hand appeared. A shirt and trousers dropped onto the floor. While thinking what a weird girl she was, I picked up the clothes, put away the towel and wore the shirt and trousers. While I buttoned up the shirt, I said.
“You can come in now.”
“I hope you’re not lying.”
“Why would I lie?”
“So you say, but I hope you’re not standing there butt naked with your arms spread when I open the door.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
The door opened up to a little gap. Kirisaki peeked through it. I titled my head and asked “What’s up with you?”. Then the door opened completely. Kirisaki came inside.
“Seriously. Normally such an event would be the other way around.”
What?
“….Hey, are you okay?”
“What you mean?”
I pointed at Kirisaki.
“Your face is red.”
Her reaction was large. She leaned backwards and covered it with her hands at the same time.
“Th- That’s not true!”
“Then why are you hiding your face?”
“I, I’m not hiding it! I’m just trying to tear of my skin!”
Scary!
“If you’re going to make an excuse, choose a better one! When you say it, it doesn’t sound like a joke.”
“How rude.”
The finally took down her hands and coughed. But her cheeks were still slightly red.
….Hey, could it be she.
“You…”
“Wh- What?”
“….I think that’s not possible, but I’ll ask just in case.”
“Okay.”
“You—“ I asked “ aren’t saying that you never saw a man naked, are you?”
Kirisaki said calmly.
“I have not.”
“NOT!?”
“No.”
“You’re lying!”
“I’m not.”
“But you talked to me about masturbation and sex with an arrogant expression!”
“This and that are different.”
“What is different?”
“What, well… Basically, seeing you naked is—-No, forget it. Anyway, the idea that it’s okay to be naked in front of me is screwed up.”
“Well, yeah…. Aww, damn it. Somehow I got embarrassed now. That’s your fault.”
“I think it’s your fault for getting butt naked in front of a girl.”
“I wasn’t butt naked! I was still wearing my trunks!”
“F- For a girl, who never saw a man naked, it doesn’t matter if you wear them or not!”
“It matters! It’s an important matter of seeing it or not! Would you allow star marks on the nipples of a gravure model!?”
“I would! That leaves more place for imagination!”
“I bet you’re the type that looks at mosaics with squinted eyes, aren’t you! And when you see an uncensored one, you babble about how it’s unneeded since it’s disgusting!”
“Is that bad? Everything needs a craving for it!”
“That’s why you’re still a virgin!”
“You’re a virgin yourself!”
“D- Don’t say it!”
“Okay, fine!”
Kirisaki said ant started to unbutton her shirt.
“Wh- What are you doing!”
“I’ll show everything of me too. Then we’re even.”
“Stop it, Idiot. I don’t want to see that!”
“WHAT!? I’m quite famous when I take off my clothes, you know!?”
“To whom!”
“My inner self!”
Just a self-assessment!?
“I don’t believe that!”
“Then look and judge for yourself!”
“Stop iiiit!”
Kirisaki was seriously going to strip, so chopped her vertex.
“Oww!”
“Give it a rest already!”
“It’s your fault!”
“No, yours!”
“What!”
“Got a problem with that?”
Kirisaki looked up to me and I looked down to her. For a while we stared at each other. Like that a couple of seconds passed.
Then,
“….So stupid.”
I was the first to stop.
“Indeed.”
Kirisaki agreed.
And then we two burst into laughter nearly at the same time.
“So stupid.”
“Quite so.”
For a while, we laughed. I felt the awkward feeling from before disappear. There was no need to wreck my brain. This exchange was most suited for our relationship. I confident thought that.
“….Geez.”
“Kugito.”
Kirisaki had stopped laughing and called my name.
“What?”
“You said there’s another method.”
My expression became serious again. Right, that was our original topic.
“…Yeah, there is.”
“How does it go?”
“It’s quite simple. Start up your notebook.”
Kirisaki tilted her head, said “Okay” and went over to the notebook. She switched it on.
“What are you going to do?”
“Access the <Alice Tea Party> page on the internet.”
Kirisaki made a perplexed expression, but did as I told her. “To the BBS next” On my instruction, the familiar forum appeared.
“Good. Now write down what I tell you.”
“Ok.”
I told her the matter. Kirisaki widened her eyes in surprise.
“Hey, that’s…”
“Yeah, that’s the only way for now.”
“….Certainly. How could I fail to notice this simple thing?”
No real surprise. It was a plan that only worked with the two of us.
“Right. Okay, I get it. Let’s carry it out.”
Kirisaki typed on the keyboard. Then she clicked the publish button. A new thread was made.
Good, now was left to see if <March Hare> would fall for it or not—
For now the preparations were complete.
Don’t get cocky, Imposter. Towards the nutcase <Midnight killing Devil> that I never met, I thought.
Don’t think we’ll accept this injustice world forever.
