After my ex-girlfriend leaves, I just feel exhausted all over, I look back on my life and realize it really was very, very miserable….
From the beginning of my memories at the orphanage, to being adopted by my current mom at the age of 10, and then being abandoned by my step-father a few years later, followed by all kinds of loneliness and grief. I always thought that the rest of my whole life would be like this, but it looks like the heavens have given me hope, because that year in Summer, I got a girlfriend who wanted to loved me. She said she didn’t care about my past and that she’ll be together with me forever no matter how hard it will be. I thought I found someone I could protect for the rest of my life, but after being hit by ‘that person’s’ luxury car, everything changed.
I fall to the ground making me feel extreme pain in my knees. That person gets off the car and slowly walks towards me and looks at me who’s fallen on the ground. When I lifted my head and gazed at him, the pair of eyes I look into made me feel scared. The enthusiasm in those pair of eyes, that kind of mighty power of having everything in his control, I almost couldn’t breathe…
That person back faces the sun, blocking my sunlight, casting a shadow on my body. He wears a slight grin, with a handsome profile and sharp eyebrows pointing upwards. He bends down, mighty and cold, picks me up off the ground into his embrace and says, “I’ll send you to the hospital.”
Actually, the crash wasn’t that severe, at least in my opinion, there was no need to go to hospital. I’ve hated the hospital since I was born, the smell and colors there make me feel uncomfortable from head to toe. It’s just a few scrapes anyways. I tell him that there’s no need to go but he stops, looks directly at me and says, “I said, we’re going to the hospital.”
He’s just a man that’s so mighty and self-centered. Two days before he said he was going to take that incompetent mom to Hong Kong, he forcefully r*ped[1]me….And destroyed my life without a sound…
He left me without a single redeeming feature, he gave me an empty house as charity, a debit card that could only have money withdrawn from it in City Liu and an idle job. With all these things converged together, I am imprisoned alone in this city of despair, I can’t go anywhere…
I still remember the sentence he said to me when he pressed me onto the bed and entered me.
You can’t escape…
Haha…
Haha…
When have I ever thought of escaping, and when did I ever provoke him?
Just when I’m immersed in my own past, I didn’t think Ye CanSheng would lean against the door frame like that and look at me, lying on the bed by myself, covering my eyes and bitterly laughing without a word. I also didn’t know, that a single message sent by him on that same day ended the life of my ex-girlfriend XiaoLi…
“YunSheng, you like that girl?”
I turn around and finally see Ye CanSheng walking towards me with a morbid expression I’ve never seen before. Clearly it’s a very brutal and tyrannical mental state, yet when he’s the one who elaborates on its story, it seems so innocent and harmless…
“That’s already stuff from the past.”
I sigh and just as I want to get up from the bed, Ye CanSheng directly leaps onto the bed with a speed so fast I can’t even see his movements clearly, and then grabs onto my neck and pushes me back down.
“You’ve loved her!!”
My anger still hadn’t died down, so without any control I angrily shout at him, “Ye CanSheng! Are you fucking out of your mind?!”
My heart beats frantically, the uneasiness in my instincts makes me push Ye CanSheng away in one go, and I get up to leave. Ye CanSheng’s expression just then was too scary. Those pair of black eyes carried ruthlessness and anger, his lips were tightly pursed together. He tightly clenches his fist, exposing cyan colored veins on his forearm, this already isn’t the Ye CanSheng who usually just throws little tantrums…
But just as my feet touch the ground, I am grabbed by Ye CanSheng and thrown back onto the bed. My head heavily lands onto the bed, in an instant, my brain is in a state of unconsciousness, there are only sounds of his roars of repression next to my ear, “You pushed me away! You dare push me away?!”
“Get lost! How abhorrent, who I fucking liked before is none of your business!”
“You were the one who said you would stay with me, you said I could depend on you!!”
I push away his body that’s straddling me and scream, “I fucking take back those words!”
My heart is in too much of a mess, much too much of a mess. I’m scared of of someone treating me well, I’m scared that those feelings are fake, at the same time I also desire someone who’s able to accompany me. This kind of contradictory makes me go mad, it makes me want to escape…
But, nothing in this world goes your way…
My body that just escaped a tiny bit, is pulled by my overly long black hair back onto the bed by the person behind me who harbors the same kind of fears and loneliness.
He’s the same as me, yet different, at least I’m much less violent than him.
“Wu… Ye CanSheng, let go!”
It’s when my two hands are rendered useless under his single-handed grip, then I notice just how scary the current Ye CanSheng is. Blood red eyes intensely stare at me, his mouth is slightly open, with slightly angry pants…..
His other free hand grabs onto my belt and using a rough method, he rips it off my body with a single tug.
“You want to take back those words?!! You dare!!!”
My heart skips a beat, I forgot he is that fragile child who would get upset over being pushed away, and what did I just do and say? I pushed him away? I said I wanted to take back those words?
“CanSheng, CanSheng, I don’t take them back, I don’t take them back, quickly stop what you’re doing!”
But, the current Ye CanSheng can no longer hear my words. With bloodshot eyes he uses the leather belt he just ripped out and ties my hands together using extreme strength, I can feel my skin being pushed together by the leather, I can’t even move them the slightest bit…
I’m totally flustered…
My hands which are tied together try to resist against the Ye CanSheng who is sitting on my body.
“Stop! You really have to stop!”
But the person sitting on me just dumbly laughs, under the contrast of his bright red lips, his white teeth look exceptionally pretty. But when he’s like this, my hairs stand up, I only want to escape….
He reaches out his hand and grabs a hold of one side of my collar and pulls my lying body up off the bed, “Other than me, you can’t love any other person.” His lips press against my ear lobe.
His breathes enter my ear as he continues, “Fang YunSheng, you’re mine…”
I open my eyes wide, I absolutely cannot accept these kinds of words. It makes me feel extremely frightened, I hate being constrained.
“No, no, no, CanSheng…”
“What?” his voice is low with a bewitching feel.
His hand once again exerts strength, pulling me up a few more fen[2], and my tied up hands can only helplessly grab at his strong wrists, completely at his mercy as he carries and places me in front of him.
The buttons on my shirt can’t withstand the pressure and pop off one by one before rolling to the floor, the sound of each one knocks at my heart, making me feel despair…
“CanSheng, don’t do something that’ll make me feel disgust.” Trembling, I grab onto his hand tightly and pray to quickly end this kind of morbid way of getting along. I want to escape…
“Hate? You say you hate it?” He suddenly harshly slaps me right across the face without warning, I’m dazed by his hit…
I don’t even know a few more buttons have broken off, I only know that I am currently lying on the bed. His hand is still clenched around my collar, my clothes are ripped open, my skin feels the cold wind brushing against it…
My face is burning hot, even my teeth feel like they’re oozing the metallic taste of blood, my mind is constantly filled with the sound of buzzing.
“Speak ya! Say something ah!!”
I’m on the side of my face, the scenery before my eyes is still swaying, haha, how do I answer you? How do you want me to answer you? Say that I love you, say that I belong to you?
I’m not a fucking item…
I’ve been tossed around since I was young, constantly being thrown here and there, I’ve already had enough.
“I’m not anyone’s fucking item!!”
T/N
[1] 强*抱 Anything with a * or x that’s substituting a letter or word has originally been used by the author, it’s not an extra thing done by me, the translator.
[2] 分 A unit of measure, which equals ⅓ centimeter
After my ex-girlfriend leaves, I just feel exhausted all over, I look back on my life and realize it really was very, very miserable….
From the beginning of my memories at the orphanage, to being adopted by my current mom at the age of 10, and then being abandoned by my step-father a few years later, followed by all kinds of loneliness and grief. I always thought that the rest of my whole life would be like this, but it looks like the heavens have given me hope, because that year in Summer, I got a girlfriend who wanted to loved me. She said she didn’t care about my past and that she’ll be together with me forever no matter how hard it will be. I thought I found someone I could protect for the rest of my life, but after being hit by ‘that person’s’ luxury car, everything changed.
I fall to the ground making me feel extreme pain in my knees. That person gets off the car and slowly walks towards me and looks at me who’s fallen on the ground. When I lifted my head and gazed at him, the pair of eyes I look into made me feel scared. The enthusiasm in those pair of eyes, that kind of mighty power of having everything in his control, I almost couldn’t breathe…
That person back faces the sun, blocking my sunlight, casting a shadow on my body. He wears a slight grin, with a handsome profile and sharp eyebrows pointing upwards. He bends down, mighty and cold, picks me up off the ground into his embrace and says, “I’ll send you to the hospital.”
Actually, the crash wasn’t that severe, at least in my opinion, there was no need to go to hospital. I’ve hated the hospital since I was born, the smell and colors there make me feel uncomfortable from head to toe. It’s just a few scrapes anyways. I tell him that there’s no need to go but he stops, looks directly at me and says, “I said, we’re going to the hospital.”
He’s just a man that’s so mighty and self-centered. Two days before he said he was going to take that incompetent mom to Hong Kong, he forcefully r*ped[1]me….And destroyed my life without a sound…
He left me without a single redeeming feature, he gave me an empty house as charity, a debit card that could only have money withdrawn from it in City Liu and an idle job. With all these things converged together, I am imprisoned alone in this city of despair, I can’t go anywhere…
I still remember the sentence he said to me when he pressed me onto the bed and entered me.
You can’t escape…
Haha…
Haha…
When have I ever thought of escaping, and when did I ever provoke him?
Just when I’m immersed in my own past, I didn’t think Ye CanSheng would lean against the door frame like that and look at me, lying on the bed by myself, covering my eyes and bitterly laughing without a word. I also didn’t know, that a single message sent by him on that same day ended the life of my ex-girlfriend XiaoLi…
“YunSheng, you like that girl?”
I turn around and finally see Ye CanSheng walking towards me with a morbid expression I’ve never seen before. Clearly it’s a very brutal and tyrannical mental state, yet when he’s the one who elaborates on its story, it seems so innocent and harmless…
“That’s already stuff from the past.”
I sigh and just as I want to get up from the bed, Ye CanSheng directly leaps onto the bed with a speed so fast I can’t even see his movements clearly, and then grabs onto my neck and pushes me back down.
“You’ve loved her!!”
My anger still hadn’t died down, so without any control I angrily shout at him, “Ye CanSheng! Are you fucking out of your mind?!”
My heart beats frantically, the uneasiness in my instincts makes me push Ye CanSheng away in one go, and I get up to leave. Ye CanSheng’s expression just then was too scary. Those pair of black eyes carried ruthlessness and anger, his lips were tightly pursed together. He tightly clenches his fist, exposing cyan colored veins on his forearm, this already isn’t the Ye CanSheng who usually just throws little tantrums…
But just as my feet touch the ground, I am grabbed by Ye CanSheng and thrown back onto the bed. My head heavily lands onto the bed, in an instant, my brain is in a state of unconsciousness, there are only sounds of his roars of repression next to my ear, “You pushed me away! You dare push me away?!”
“Get lost! How abhorrent, who I fucking liked before is none of your business!”
“You were the one who said you would stay with me, you said I could depend on you!!”
I push away his body that’s straddling me and scream, “I fucking take back those words!”
My heart is in too much of a mess, much too much of a mess. I’m scared of of someone treating me well, I’m scared that those feelings are fake, at the same time I also desire someone who’s able to accompany me. This kind of contradictory makes me go mad, it makes me want to escape…
But, nothing in this world goes your way…
My body that just escaped a tiny bit, is pulled by my overly long black hair back onto the bed by the person behind me who harbors the same kind of fears and loneliness.
He’s the same as me, yet different, at least I’m much less violent than him.
“Wu… Ye CanSheng, let go!”
It’s when my two hands are rendered useless under his single-handed grip, then I notice just how scary the current Ye CanSheng is. Blood red eyes intensely stare at me, his mouth is slightly open, with slightly angry pants…..
His other free hand grabs onto my belt and using a rough method, he rips it off my body with a single tug.
“You want to take back those words?!! You dare!!!”
My heart skips a beat, I forgot he is that fragile child who would get upset over being pushed away, and what did I just do and say? I pushed him away? I said I wanted to take back those words?
“CanSheng, CanSheng, I don’t take them back, I don’t take them back, quickly stop what you’re doing!”
But, the current Ye CanSheng can no longer hear my words. With bloodshot eyes he uses the leather belt he just ripped out and ties my hands together using extreme strength, I can feel my skin being pushed together by the leather, I can’t even move them the slightest bit…
I’m totally flustered…
My hands which are tied together try to resist against the Ye CanSheng who is sitting on my body.
“Stop! You really have to stop!”
But the person sitting on me just dumbly laughs, under the contrast of his bright red lips, his white teeth look exceptionally pretty. But when he’s like this, my hairs stand up, I only want to escape….
He reaches out his hand and grabs a hold of one side of my collar and pulls my lying body up off the bed, “Other than me, you can’t love any other person.” His lips press against my ear lobe.
His breathes enter my ear as he continues, “Fang YunSheng, you’re mine…”
I open my eyes wide, I absolutely cannot accept these kinds of words. It makes me feel extremely frightened, I hate being constrained.
“No, no, no, CanSheng…”
“What?” his voice is low with a bewitching feel.
His hand once again exerts strength, pulling me up a few more fen[2], and my tied up hands can only helplessly grab at his strong wrists, completely at his mercy as he carries and places me in front of him.
The buttons on my shirt can’t withstand the pressure and pop off one by one before rolling to the floor, the sound of each one knocks at my heart, making me feel despair…
“CanSheng, don’t do something that’ll make me feel disgust.” Trembling, I grab onto his hand tightly and pray to quickly end this kind of morbid way of getting along. I want to escape…
“Hate? You say you hate it?” He suddenly harshly slaps me right across the face without warning, I’m dazed by his hit…
I don’t even know a few more buttons have broken off, I only know that I am currently lying on the bed. His hand is still clenched around my collar, my clothes are ripped open, my skin feels the cold wind brushing against it…
My face is burning hot, even my teeth feel like they’re oozing the metallic taste of blood, my mind is constantly filled with the sound of buzzing.
“Speak ya! Say something ah!!”
I’m on the side of my face, the scenery before my eyes is still swaying, haha, how do I answer you? How do you want me to answer you? Say that I love you, say that I belong to you?
I’m not a fucking item…
I’ve been tossed around since I was young, constantly being thrown here and there, I’ve already had enough.
“I’m not anyone’s fucking item!!”
T/N
[1] 强*抱 Anything with a * or x that’s substituting a letter or word has originally been used by the author, it’s not an extra thing done by me, the translator.
[2] 分 A unit of measure, which equals ⅓ centimeter
