Chapter 15
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Maz Kanata heard the account from Han last adventure with interested eyes. She had of course received the information through her sources but it was another story to hear it from the person who was there.
- "So you found him..."- said Maz when Han told her about the coordinates- "he'll be back."
- "I dont know if Lando was able to trasmit the information to the Resistance"- explained Han taking a cup of Corellian ale- "seriously... this ale is amazing... Leia would love it."
- "She's always welcome to visit"- said Maz smiling- "so you want me to retransmit the coordinates too?"
- "Yes... but I'd prefer to get this droid to Leia to avoid interceptions."- said Han
Maz sends a nod to one of the her assistants who takes some notes on her tablet and immediately gets out.
- "It will be prepared soon but it will still take some time"- said Maz and Han finally relaxed with a long exhalation.
- "So this is it..."- said Han- "I hope Luke returns as soon as possible. If possible just after the veto so we are prepared for what comes after."
- You're right...- said Maz drinking along Han with a very big mug which seemed to big for her- "we all know they won't go in silence."
Rey looked at Finn and he also returned the confused look she was giving him. It was obvious they had lost track of the conversation.
- "Who?"- finally asked Rey and Han and Maz exchanged looks before Maz started to explain.
- "General Leia has been convincing people in the senate to veto the First Order for years"- explained Maz- "And after long and plenty negotiations, she's finally opened the possibility of defeating the First order politically."
- "I dont understand"- said Rey whose knowledge in politics was nonexistent.
- "In simple words... the senate will announce that the First Order is a terrorist group and will order its immediate dismantling"- explained Han who seemed to be smiling codly- "Politically they are dead and they will lose a lot of connections and power."
- "They will not go down so easily"- said Finn who could not stop himself from feeling a little tickled by his confident voice.
He regretted his impulsiveness and he could feel the sharp gazes of Han and Maz in his direction. However, he knew very well that the First Order would fight to the end. If they believed the veto of the Senate was enough to take them down, then they were definitely underestimating the First Irder since it was more powerful that they could imagine.
- "Of course they won't!"- said Han smiling with a cocky grin- "I'd be utterly dissapointed if it were like that."
- "What?"- said Finn with shock
- "We know perfectly they will fight ferociously after the veto"- said Maz who seemed very relaxed- "we count on that and with master Skywalker back we'll continue the big fight, I assure you."
Finn sighed but he didn't say anything. He had heard a lot of things about Luke Skywalker, but even of all of that incredible things were real, he was only a man, so he could not understand where they have such great faith on him from. A man could not defeat an army.
- "What fight?"- asked Rey whose reaction could not be more different from Finn.
- "The only fight... Against the dark side..."- said Maz speaking with a voice which could only be described as religious- "Through the ages... I've seen evil take many forms: The Sith, The Empire, Today, it is the First Order."
Finn noticed that Maz started to look at him with more attention and he got nervous for the way those big eyes were directed at him as if he was being analyzed throughly.
- "Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy"- continued Maz with a very decisive voice- "We must face them... Fight them... All of us!"
- "There is no fight against the First Order..."- said Finn who was getting more and more nervous by the minute- "Not one we can win... you know the First Order is on their way right now and you act as if... What's this? What are you doing? General Solo, what is she doing?"
Finn had been shocked when Maz had walked over the table to where he was and she was now touching and examining his face at a distance where he could feel her breath.
- "Heh! You know what I see, boy?"- asked Maz smiling to the stunned Finn.
- "I don't know"- replied Finn with a weak voice since he felt a very powerful aura exuding from this small woman, one that could be compared to Captain Phasma herself- "But I don't like it."
- "If you live long enough..."- explained Maz with a tone of mock in her voice- "you see the same eyes in different people... I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run."
Finn got annoyed by her tone and he knew that she considered him a coward. Finn could not deny the fact that he wanted to run but what she did not understand was that even if he stayed to fight, it would be for naught. The same as Skywalker, he was just one man and even if he could be considered a good warrior, he would be stupid if he believed he was ready to fight hordes of Stormtroopers, Phasma or Kylo Ren. It was just suicide.
- "You don't know a thing about me... Where I'm from... What I've seen..."- said Finn with a very strong and serious tone- "You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us. You say that I want to run but the truth is that we all need to run!"
- "Hmm"- Maz grinned even more to his words and took a card that gave to finn- "go down to the Cantina and look for Yukkar and Guetto. They'll trade work for transportation... to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear."
Finn seemed surprised and looked at Han who just shrugged his elbows and gace a small nod. Finn then looked at Rey and after an apologetic gaze he took the card and after a nod he immediately dashed out the room as fast as his legs allowed him.
- "Finn!"- said Rey who did not understand what was happening and she just followed him trying to asking him what was happening.
- "You shouldn't bully the young ones, Maz"- said Han sighing and serving himself more ale.
- "I'm just providing an election"- said Maz who was still looking where Finn had going as if she could see him running away the hall- "that young man is strong, but his doubt and fear chain his potential... He needs to get rid of them to do so. I'm just giving him an opportunity. Its up to him to take it."
- "You sound like Luke" - said Han smiling- "It's unfair, though. They are still so young..."
- "We all were once"- said Maz looking at Han with a naughty grin- "and remind me how old you, Leia and Luke were when you fought the Empire?"
- "Well... we weren't as green as they were..."- said Han feeling the grip of nostalgia for those days long gone- "except for Luke I had been in the bussiness for years and Leia was already an accomplished senator."
- "And look how far Luke has gone"- said Maz returning to her seat and taking her mug again- "have faith in them... I feel they both have great destinies to accomplish. Maybe one far greater than yours."
Finn had finally arrived to the Cantina after asking many people for directions and started looking for the men Maz mentioned.
- "Hey, have you seen Yukkar and Guetto?"- he asked an alien that was enjoying a drink.
- "Graake!"- he violently told him to go away so he asked another person and after ten fails he finally managed to be pointed to the smugglers that would give him the opportunity to start again.
- "I was told you can get me to the Outer Rim."- said Finn when he was in front of them- "I can work for transportation. I can shoot and I have militar experience..."
They talked for some minutes and had a deal when he was grabbed by the arm and he saw Rey who had caught up with him. She had eyes that showed absolute confusion and Finn felt a terrible sense of guilt since he knew that she would ask for an explaination and he was absolutely sure that she would hate him afterwards.
- "Finn"- she said and Finn felt her voice was as heavy as a mountain- "what are you doing?"
- "Come with me"- said Finn pleading since he knew that it was just a matter of time for the first order to arrive- "let's get away while we still can."
He knew that this answer was not what she was looking for, but Finn did not want to face her when he tell her the truth so he just tried to send the invitation.
- "What about BB-8? We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base"- said Rey with a confused look.
- "I can't!"- said Finn and then he turned around to talk to Yukkar knowing that he could not delay telling Rey the truth- "Don't leave without me."
- "What are you doing?"- asked Rey and pulled him with a strong grip- "You can't just go. I won't let you..."
These words surprised herself the moment she utter the words. She saw Finn and she found that he was also very surprised by her reaction. She wondered why she was feeling like this. She had met many people in Jakku who had been very friendly and who had always been nice to her and some could even be considered her friends and she had to say good bye to all of them and even though she had felt sad for their departure, never had she asked anyone to stay like she was doing now. He had met Finn just four days ago, so it was very strange to have grown so close to him. She simply did not understand herself but something was telling her that if she let him go, she would regret it forever.
- "Rey..."- said Finn who was really touched by her actions and he felt even guiltier- "I'm not who you think I am... tthe truth is that I lied to you..."
Rey furrowed her brow and could sense the great conflict Finn was having now. Finn was trembling a little and she knew that whatever he wanted to say was very difficult and painful.
- "Finn..."- she said without letting go. She was kind of cared of listening what he was about to say, but she knew that he needed to take it out from his system or he would explode- "what are you talking about?"
- "I... the truth is... damn!"- Finn started to sweat and Rey could feel his suffering.
- "Finn!"- she said with a firm voice and she made him look at her eyes- "tell me!"
Finn saw her eyes and he felt the most horrible person in the galaxy. He knew it was over and even though his logic told him not to tell her, something inside him told him that she deserved to know who he was. He sighed and looked at her with decision.
- "I'm not Resistance... I'm not a hero... I'm a Stormtrooper... Like all of them..."- Finn said with a voice so low that only Rey was able to hear, but his words shocked the young girl to the last fiber of her being- "I was in Jakku due to a mission..."
- "Tuanul Village..."- said Rey and Finn felt a huge pain when he saw the horror and shock in her eyes- "you were there...?"
Finn felt her hands trembling at his words and he noticed her desperation. He knew that she wanted him to deny it and say that he was not present in the masacre, he also wanted that was the case, but he knew he had to be honest.
- "Yes... I was there..."- he said and Rey stepped back in horror. She turned around and gave his back to him.
Rey was experiencing a terrible moment. She could not believe that someone so noble and kind... someone with such pure eyes, was capable of slaughter innocent people like that. There had to be a reason... she had to listen to his side of the story but she was scared of his accepting being a murderer and destroy the image she had of him.
- "Did you kill them...?"- asked Rey without looking at him since she did not have the strenght to d so- "did you kill the villagers? Including the old and the children...?"
Finn saw her reaction and he felt the distance between them growing wider and he felt a loneliness he had never felt before. However, he could not blame her. It was absolutely understandable. Finn knew that Rey should be thinking of him as a cold killer who shot innocent children and burned down the town to cinders. Even if he told her the truth there was no assurance that she believe him but he had to say it anyways.
- "I did not!"- said Finn and Rey turned around to see him dirtectly- "And that was the reason why I left the First Order."
Finn noticed Rey was listening more openly now but he knew that it was necessary to explain further so he continued talking.
- "I was taken from a family I'll never know. And raised to do one thing..."- Finn said this with great sadness- "But my first battle... Tuanul... I made a choice... I wasn't gonna kill for them. So I ran... right into you. And you looked at me like no one ever had... These four days with you have been the happiest and more amazing days in my life... but I can't continue here..."
- "Why?"- she asked feeling a little better to know that he was not a murderer and that he also felt the same about these days together- "you already abandoned the First Order."
- "Because... I can't forget them... the people of Tuanul..."- said Finn feeling a heavy pressure in his chest.
- "But you didn't kill them."- said Rey and Finn shook his head.
- "I may not have pulled the trigger, Rey"- Finn said closing his eyes and remembering that moment- "But I did nothing to stop them either... for me it's the same since I left them die... I still hear them, you know? Their screams and shouts for mercy... the children..."
Finn made a big effort to not crumble due to the memories that were imprinted as if they had been marked by hot iron in his soul. Rey remembered how he had awoke many times during the night in fear and she understood that he must have been having nightmares about Tuanul. She got close and put a hand on his shoulder.
- "You abandoned the First Order and helped that person from the Resistance"- she said trying to cheer him up- "that was very valiant..."
- "Was it?"- asked Finn with a sad smile- "I just used Poe to run away and when I did... I shot at the people who until then had been my comrades... I killed people who were like me."
- "They are murderers"- said Rey with a firm tone- "you are not like them!"
- "They are just folñlowing orders"- said Finn who let his voice transmit his real feelings- "I was like that, too. I followed everything my superiors asked me because for me that was the normal thing. I really believed I was bringing peace and order to the galaxy... those stormtroopers... all of them think they are doing good. However, I didn't think about that and kill them without giving them a chance to choose... maybe if I had talked to some of them... sigh..."
Rey stayed in silence assimilating what Finn had told her. If she had been taken and trained by the First Order since childhood... wouldn't she be the same as those stormtroopers? In that case... weren't they also victims of the First Order? Finn had grown up with them and she could understand why he felt conflicted about fighting the First Order.
- "I don't want to do this anymore, Rey"- said Finn with an honest boy and he seemed so small and powerless that Rey felt the need to hug him, but she thought that maybe it would be strange and so she just stopped herself from doing so- "I don't want to be an accomplice of the First Order... but I don't want to kill people that I know since I was a child... that's why I have to leave... because the truth, Rey, It's that I'm just a coward and a traitor who will never do anything important..."
Rey felt he was about to break into pieces and so she grabbed him strongly and looked at him with great conviction.
- "Finn... look at me!"- she said and let her heart talk- "I don't care who you were in the past."
Finn looked at her with surprise but then he tried to avoid her eyes, but Rey did not let him and grabbed his face so he looked at her.
- "I only care about the person I know that you are now"- she said with great emotion and Finn could feel her sincerety- " You are kind and brave. You jumped to save me even though you didn't have to... You lied about who you were... who hasn't done that to survive? You fought against them who were your comrades because it was necessary at the moment. If you hadn't done that, they would have killed you... and you know that..."
Finn did not say a word but he knew that Rey was right. In thew eyes of the soldiers of the AFirst order, he was a traitor that needed to be eliminated. If he had not gone, now he would be a puppet in the hands of crazy people. He felt the knot in his heart get loose a little. It was truth that the common stormtroopers were following orders but they still decided to carry outr the orders. At least, he had decided to not to do it anymore... Besides that... in killing them, he had avenged the victims of Tuanul at least in part. Rey noticed that her words had some effect so she continued.
- "Contrary to those hundreds stormtroopers, you took the decision to that life by your own will and decided to do what you considered it was good...."- said Rey even though she did not know where those words were coming from- "Now is the moment you can change completely and put your skills in the service of good... Join the resistance, Finn. You still can be the hero you pretended to be... You have amazing skills and experience that I don't have... you can be of great help to the Resistance... stay with Han and fight... I believe you can be great, Finn. I know it!"
Finn felt tears running out of his eyes without control. He was trying to run away from everything like a coward, and this girl in front of him was telling him words he had never heard before. Even when he had been complimented by Phasma, he had not felt anything. However, the words of Rey were different. She really meant what she was saying and not only to use him. She said she believed in him and for a moment he wanted to do as she said and stay and fight to show this girl that her faith was not wrong... but then the image of Phasma and Kylo Ren appeared in his head... and the cries of the Tuanul villagers and an intense fear corroded his being. He gritted his fists...
- "I was ashamed of what I was"- said Finn looking at Rey with gratitude- "But I'm done with the First Order and the fights... I'm never going back. Rey, come with me."
Finn extended his hand to Rey and he said these words with pleading eyes. Rey was extremely tempted. For some reason, Finn's company was very comfortable and pleasing and she didn't want to part ways with him. For the first time in her life she was tempted to not return to Jakku and just follow him no matter where he went. But for some reason, she could not take his hand. The same feeling that was telling her not to let him go was also telling her not to go either. She could not explain but her instinct was telling her that she should stay with Han, Chewee and Finn too.
- "Please, don't go!"- said Rey and for some reason she wanted to cry. She saw the dissapoint in the eyes of Finn and she knew he had already taken his decision.
- "Take care of yourself, Rey... Please..."- Finn said and turned his back to go with the people who would take him far away from the first person who really believed in him.
He felt dirty and unworthy. He didn't deserve the faith of such a wonderful person... he was useless... a coward... someone who could not save anyone... and he knew that everyone would be better without him and so he went away while Rey stayed there feeling the tears running down her cheeks.
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Maz Kanata heard the account from Han last adventure with interested eyes. She had of course received the information through her sources but it was another story to hear it from the person who was there.
- "So you found him..."- said Maz when Han told her about the coordinates- "he'll be back."
- "I dont know if Lando was able to trasmit the information to the Resistance"- explained Han taking a cup of Corellian ale- "seriously... this ale is amazing... Leia would love it."
- "She's always welcome to visit"- said Maz smiling- "so you want me to retransmit the coordinates too?"
- "Yes... but I'd prefer to get this droid to Leia to avoid interceptions."- said Han
Maz sends a nod to one of the her assistants who takes some notes on her tablet and immediately gets out.
- "It will be prepared soon but it will still take some time"- said Maz and Han finally relaxed with a long exhalation.
- "So this is it..."- said Han- "I hope Luke returns as soon as possible. If possible just after the veto so we are prepared for what comes after."
- You're right...- said Maz drinking along Han with a very big mug which seemed to big for her- "we all know they won't go in silence."
Rey looked at Finn and he also returned the confused look she was giving him. It was obvious they had lost track of the conversation.
- "Who?"- finally asked Rey and Han and Maz exchanged looks before Maz started to explain.
- "General Leia has been convincing people in the senate to veto the First Order for years"- explained Maz- "And after long and plenty negotiations, she's finally opened the possibility of defeating the First order politically."
- "I dont understand"- said Rey whose knowledge in politics was nonexistent.
- "In simple words... the senate will announce that the First Order is a terrorist group and will order its immediate dismantling"- explained Han who seemed to be smiling codly- "Politically they are dead and they will lose a lot of connections and power."
- "They will not go down so easily"- said Finn who could not stop himself from feeling a little tickled by his confident voice.
He regretted his impulsiveness and he could feel the sharp gazes of Han and Maz in his direction. However, he knew very well that the First Order would fight to the end. If they believed the veto of the Senate was enough to take them down, then they were definitely underestimating the First Irder since it was more powerful that they could imagine.
- "Of course they won't!"- said Han smiling with a cocky grin- "I'd be utterly dissapointed if it were like that."
- "What?"- said Finn with shock
- "We know perfectly they will fight ferociously after the veto"- said Maz who seemed very relaxed- "we count on that and with master Skywalker back we'll continue the big fight, I assure you."
Finn sighed but he didn't say anything. He had heard a lot of things about Luke Skywalker, but even of all of that incredible things were real, he was only a man, so he could not understand where they have such great faith on him from. A man could not defeat an army.
- "What fight?"- asked Rey whose reaction could not be more different from Finn.
- "The only fight... Against the dark side..."- said Maz speaking with a voice which could only be described as religious- "Through the ages... I've seen evil take many forms: The Sith, The Empire, Today, it is the First Order."
Finn noticed that Maz started to look at him with more attention and he got nervous for the way those big eyes were directed at him as if he was being analyzed throughly.
- "Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy"- continued Maz with a very decisive voice- "We must face them... Fight them... All of us!"
- "There is no fight against the First Order..."- said Finn who was getting more and more nervous by the minute- "Not one we can win... you know the First Order is on their way right now and you act as if... What's this? What are you doing? General Solo, what is she doing?"
Finn had been shocked when Maz had walked over the table to where he was and she was now touching and examining his face at a distance where he could feel her breath.
- "Heh! You know what I see, boy?"- asked Maz smiling to the stunned Finn.
- "I don't know"- replied Finn with a weak voice since he felt a very powerful aura exuding from this small woman, one that could be compared to Captain Phasma herself- "But I don't like it."
- "If you live long enough..."- explained Maz with a tone of mock in her voice- "you see the same eyes in different people... I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run."
Finn got annoyed by her tone and he knew that she considered him a coward. Finn could not deny the fact that he wanted to run but what she did not understand was that even if he stayed to fight, it would be for naught. The same as Skywalker, he was just one man and even if he could be considered a good warrior, he would be stupid if he believed he was ready to fight hordes of Stormtroopers, Phasma or Kylo Ren. It was just suicide.
- "You don't know a thing about me... Where I'm from... What I've seen..."- said Finn with a very strong and serious tone- "You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us. You say that I want to run but the truth is that we all need to run!"
- "Hmm"- Maz grinned even more to his words and took a card that gave to finn- "go down to the Cantina and look for Yukkar and Guetto. They'll trade work for transportation... to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear."
Finn seemed surprised and looked at Han who just shrugged his elbows and gace a small nod. Finn then looked at Rey and after an apologetic gaze he took the card and after a nod he immediately dashed out the room as fast as his legs allowed him.
- "Finn!"- said Rey who did not understand what was happening and she just followed him trying to asking him what was happening.
- "You shouldn't bully the young ones, Maz"- said Han sighing and serving himself more ale.
- "I'm just providing an election"- said Maz who was still looking where Finn had going as if she could see him running away the hall- "that young man is strong, but his doubt and fear chain his potential... He needs to get rid of them to do so. I'm just giving him an opportunity. Its up to him to take it."
- "You sound like Luke" - said Han smiling- "It's unfair, though. They are still so young..."
- "We all were once"- said Maz looking at Han with a naughty grin- "and remind me how old you, Leia and Luke were when you fought the Empire?"
- "Well... we weren't as green as they were..."- said Han feeling the grip of nostalgia for those days long gone- "except for Luke I had been in the bussiness for years and Leia was already an accomplished senator."
- "And look how far Luke has gone"- said Maz returning to her seat and taking her mug again- "have faith in them... I feel they both have great destinies to accomplish. Maybe one far greater than yours."
Finn had finally arrived to the Cantina after asking many people for directions and started looking for the men Maz mentioned.
- "Hey, have you seen Yukkar and Guetto?"- he asked an alien that was enjoying a drink.
- "Graake!"- he violently told him to go away so he asked another person and after ten fails he finally managed to be pointed to the smugglers that would give him the opportunity to start again.
- "I was told you can get me to the Outer Rim."- said Finn when he was in front of them- "I can work for transportation. I can shoot and I have militar experience..."
They talked for some minutes and had a deal when he was grabbed by the arm and he saw Rey who had caught up with him. She had eyes that showed absolute confusion and Finn felt a terrible sense of guilt since he knew that she would ask for an explaination and he was absolutely sure that she would hate him afterwards.
- "Finn"- she said and Finn felt her voice was as heavy as a mountain- "what are you doing?"
- "Come with me"- said Finn pleading since he knew that it was just a matter of time for the first order to arrive- "let's get away while we still can."
He knew that this answer was not what she was looking for, but Finn did not want to face her when he tell her the truth so he just tried to send the invitation.
- "What about BB-8? We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base"- said Rey with a confused look.
- "I can't!"- said Finn and then he turned around to talk to Yukkar knowing that he could not delay telling Rey the truth- "Don't leave without me."
- "What are you doing?"- asked Rey and pulled him with a strong grip- "You can't just go. I won't let you..."
These words surprised herself the moment she utter the words. She saw Finn and she found that he was also very surprised by her reaction. She wondered why she was feeling like this. She had met many people in Jakku who had been very friendly and who had always been nice to her and some could even be considered her friends and she had to say good bye to all of them and even though she had felt sad for their departure, never had she asked anyone to stay like she was doing now. He had met Finn just four days ago, so it was very strange to have grown so close to him. She simply did not understand herself but something was telling her that if she let him go, she would regret it forever.
- "Rey..."- said Finn who was really touched by her actions and he felt even guiltier- "I'm not who you think I am... tthe truth is that I lied to you..."
Rey furrowed her brow and could sense the great conflict Finn was having now. Finn was trembling a little and she knew that whatever he wanted to say was very difficult and painful.
- "Finn..."- she said without letting go. She was kind of cared of listening what he was about to say, but she knew that he needed to take it out from his system or he would explode- "what are you talking about?"
- "I... the truth is... damn!"- Finn started to sweat and Rey could feel his suffering.
- "Finn!"- she said with a firm voice and she made him look at her eyes- "tell me!"
Finn saw her eyes and he felt the most horrible person in the galaxy. He knew it was over and even though his logic told him not to tell her, something inside him told him that she deserved to know who he was. He sighed and looked at her with decision.
- "I'm not Resistance... I'm not a hero... I'm a Stormtrooper... Like all of them..."- Finn said with a voice so low that only Rey was able to hear, but his words shocked the young girl to the last fiber of her being- "I was in Jakku due to a mission..."
- "Tuanul Village..."- said Rey and Finn felt a huge pain when he saw the horror and shock in her eyes- "you were there...?"
Finn felt her hands trembling at his words and he noticed her desperation. He knew that she wanted him to deny it and say that he was not present in the masacre, he also wanted that was the case, but he knew he had to be honest.
- "Yes... I was there..."- he said and Rey stepped back in horror. She turned around and gave his back to him.
Rey was experiencing a terrible moment. She could not believe that someone so noble and kind... someone with such pure eyes, was capable of slaughter innocent people like that. There had to be a reason... she had to listen to his side of the story but she was scared of his accepting being a murderer and destroy the image she had of him.
- "Did you kill them...?"- asked Rey without looking at him since she did not have the strenght to d so- "did you kill the villagers? Including the old and the children...?"
Finn saw her reaction and he felt the distance between them growing wider and he felt a loneliness he had never felt before. However, he could not blame her. It was absolutely understandable. Finn knew that Rey should be thinking of him as a cold killer who shot innocent children and burned down the town to cinders. Even if he told her the truth there was no assurance that she believe him but he had to say it anyways.
- "I did not!"- said Finn and Rey turned around to see him dirtectly- "And that was the reason why I left the First Order."
Finn noticed Rey was listening more openly now but he knew that it was necessary to explain further so he continued talking.
- "I was taken from a family I'll never know. And raised to do one thing..."- Finn said this with great sadness- "But my first battle... Tuanul... I made a choice... I wasn't gonna kill for them. So I ran... right into you. And you looked at me like no one ever had... These four days with you have been the happiest and more amazing days in my life... but I can't continue here..."
- "Why?"- she asked feeling a little better to know that he was not a murderer and that he also felt the same about these days together- "you already abandoned the First Order."
- "Because... I can't forget them... the people of Tuanul..."- said Finn feeling a heavy pressure in his chest.
- "But you didn't kill them."- said Rey and Finn shook his head.
- "I may not have pulled the trigger, Rey"- Finn said closing his eyes and remembering that moment- "But I did nothing to stop them either... for me it's the same since I left them die... I still hear them, you know? Their screams and shouts for mercy... the children..."
Finn made a big effort to not crumble due to the memories that were imprinted as if they had been marked by hot iron in his soul. Rey remembered how he had awoke many times during the night in fear and she understood that he must have been having nightmares about Tuanul. She got close and put a hand on his shoulder.
- "You abandoned the First Order and helped that person from the Resistance"- she said trying to cheer him up- "that was very valiant..."
- "Was it?"- asked Finn with a sad smile- "I just used Poe to run away and when I did... I shot at the people who until then had been my comrades... I killed people who were like me."
- "They are murderers"- said Rey with a firm tone- "you are not like them!"
- "They are just folñlowing orders"- said Finn who let his voice transmit his real feelings- "I was like that, too. I followed everything my superiors asked me because for me that was the normal thing. I really believed I was bringing peace and order to the galaxy... those stormtroopers... all of them think they are doing good. However, I didn't think about that and kill them without giving them a chance to choose... maybe if I had talked to some of them... sigh..."
Rey stayed in silence assimilating what Finn had told her. If she had been taken and trained by the First Order since childhood... wouldn't she be the same as those stormtroopers? In that case... weren't they also victims of the First Order? Finn had grown up with them and she could understand why he felt conflicted about fighting the First Order.
- "I don't want to do this anymore, Rey"- said Finn with an honest boy and he seemed so small and powerless that Rey felt the need to hug him, but she thought that maybe it would be strange and so she just stopped herself from doing so- "I don't want to be an accomplice of the First Order... but I don't want to kill people that I know since I was a child... that's why I have to leave... because the truth, Rey, It's that I'm just a coward and a traitor who will never do anything important..."
Rey felt he was about to break into pieces and so she grabbed him strongly and looked at him with great conviction.
- "Finn... look at me!"- she said and let her heart talk- "I don't care who you were in the past."
Finn looked at her with surprise but then he tried to avoid her eyes, but Rey did not let him and grabbed his face so he looked at her.
- "I only care about the person I know that you are now"- she said with great emotion and Finn could feel her sincerety- " You are kind and brave. You jumped to save me even though you didn't have to... You lied about who you were... who hasn't done that to survive? You fought against them who were your comrades because it was necessary at the moment. If you hadn't done that, they would have killed you... and you know that..."
Finn did not say a word but he knew that Rey was right. In thew eyes of the soldiers of the AFirst order, he was a traitor that needed to be eliminated. If he had not gone, now he would be a puppet in the hands of crazy people. He felt the knot in his heart get loose a little. It was truth that the common stormtroopers were following orders but they still decided to carry outr the orders. At least, he had decided to not to do it anymore... Besides that... in killing them, he had avenged the victims of Tuanul at least in part. Rey noticed that her words had some effect so she continued.
- "Contrary to those hundreds stormtroopers, you took the decision to that life by your own will and decided to do what you considered it was good...."- said Rey even though she did not know where those words were coming from- "Now is the moment you can change completely and put your skills in the service of good... Join the resistance, Finn. You still can be the hero you pretended to be... You have amazing skills and experience that I don't have... you can be of great help to the Resistance... stay with Han and fight... I believe you can be great, Finn. I know it!"
Finn felt tears running out of his eyes without control. He was trying to run away from everything like a coward, and this girl in front of him was telling him words he had never heard before. Even when he had been complimented by Phasma, he had not felt anything. However, the words of Rey were different. She really meant what she was saying and not only to use him. She said she believed in him and for a moment he wanted to do as she said and stay and fight to show this girl that her faith was not wrong... but then the image of Phasma and Kylo Ren appeared in his head... and the cries of the Tuanul villagers and an intense fear corroded his being. He gritted his fists...
- "I was ashamed of what I was"- said Finn looking at Rey with gratitude- "But I'm done with the First Order and the fights... I'm never going back. Rey, come with me."
Finn extended his hand to Rey and he said these words with pleading eyes. Rey was extremely tempted. For some reason, Finn's company was very comfortable and pleasing and she didn't want to part ways with him. For the first time in her life she was tempted to not return to Jakku and just follow him no matter where he went. But for some reason, she could not take his hand. The same feeling that was telling her not to let him go was also telling her not to go either. She could not explain but her instinct was telling her that she should stay with Han, Chewee and Finn too.
- "Please, don't go!"- said Rey and for some reason she wanted to cry. She saw the dissapoint in the eyes of Finn and she knew he had already taken his decision.
- "Take care of yourself, Rey... Please..."- Finn said and turned his back to go with the people who would take him far away from the first person who really believed in him.
He felt dirty and unworthy. He didn't deserve the faith of such a wonderful person... he was useless... a coward... someone who could not save anyone... and he knew that everyone would be better without him and so he went away while Rey stayed there feeling the tears running down her cheeks.
Maz Kanata heard the account from Han last adventure with interested eyes. She had of course received the information through her sources but it was another story to hear it from the person who was there.- "So you found him..."- said Maz when Han told her about the coordinates- "he'll be back."- "I dont know if Lando was able to trasmit the information to the Resistance"- explained Han taking a cup of Corellian ale- "seriously... this ale is amazing... Leia would love it."- "She's always welcome to visit"- said Maz smiling- "so you want me to retransmit the coordinates too?"- "Yes... but I'd prefer to get this droid to Leia to avoid interceptions."- said HanMaz sends a nod to one of the her assistants who takes some notes on her tablet and immediately gets out.- "It will be prepared soon but it will still take some time"- said Maz and Han finally relaxed with a long exhalation.- "So this is it..."- said Han- "I hope Luke returns as soon as possible. If possible just after the veto so we are prepared for what comes after."- You're right...- said Maz drinking along Han with a very big mug which seemed to big for her- "we all know they won't go in silence."Rey looked at Finn and he also returned the confused look she was giving him. It was obvious they had lost track of the conversation.- "Who?"- finally asked Rey and Han and Maz exchanged looks before Maz started to explain.- "General Leia has been convincing people in the senate to veto the First Order for years"- explained Maz- "And after long and plenty negotiations, she's finally opened the possibility of defeating the First order politically."- "I dont understand"- said Rey whose knowledge in politics was nonexistent.- "In simple words... the senate will announce that the First Order is a terrorist group and will order its immediate dismantling"- explained Han who seemed to be smiling codly- "Politically they are dead and they will lose a lot of connections and power."- "They will not go down so easily"- said Finn who could not stop himself from feeling a little tickled by his confident voice.He regretted his impulsiveness and he could feel the sharp gazes of Han and Maz in his direction. However, he knew very well that the First Order would fight to the end. If they believed the veto of the Senate was enough to take them down, then they were definitely underestimating the First Irder since it was more powerful that they could imagine.- "Of course they won't!"- said Han smiling with a cocky grin- "I'd be utterly dissapointed if it were like that."- "What?"- said Finn with shock- "We know perfectly they will fight ferociously after the veto"- said Maz who seemed very relaxed- "we count on that and with master Skywalker back we'll continue the big fight, I assure you."Finn sighed but he didn't say anything. He had heard a lot of things about Luke Skywalker, but even of all of that incredible things were real, he was only a man, so he could not understand where they have such great faith on him from. A man could not defeat an army.- "What fight?"- asked Rey whose reaction could not be more different from Finn.- "The only fight... Against the dark side..."- said Maz speaking with a voice which could only be described as religious- "Through the ages... I've seen evil take many forms: The Sith, The Empire, Today, it is the First Order."Finn noticed that Maz started to look at him with more attention and he got nervous for the way those big eyes were directed at him as if he was being analyzed throughly.- "Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy"- continued Maz with a very decisive voice- "We must face them... Fight them... All of us!"- "There is no fight against the First Order..."- said Finn who was getting more and more nervous by the minute- "Not one we can win... you know the First Order is on their way right now and you act as if... What's this? What are you doing? General Solo, what is she doing?"Finn had been shocked when Maz had walked over the table to where he was and she was now touching and examining his face at a distance where he could feel her breath.- "Heh! You know what I see, boy?"- asked Maz smiling to the stunned Finn.- "I don't know"- replied Finn with a weak voice since he felt a very powerful aura exuding from this small woman, one that could be compared to Captain Phasma herself- "But I don't like it."- "If you live long enough..."- explained Maz with a tone of mock in her voice- "you see the same eyes in different people... I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run."Finn got annoyed by her tone and he knew that she considered him a coward. Finn could not deny the fact that he wanted to run but what she did not understand was that even if he stayed to fight, it would be for naught. The same as Skywalker, he was just one man and even if he could be considered a good warrior, he would be stupid if he believed he was ready to fight hordes of Stormtroopers, Phasma or Kylo Ren. It was just suicide.- "You don't know a thing about me... Where I'm from... What I've seen..."- said Finn with a very strong and serious tone- "You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us. You say that I want to run but the truth is that we all need to run!"- "Hmm"- Maz grinned even more to his words and took a card that gave to finn- "go down to the Cantina and look for Yukkar and Guetto. They'll trade work for transportation... to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear."Finn seemed surprised and looked at Han who just shrugged his elbows and gace a small nod. Finn then looked at Rey and after an apologetic gaze he took the card and after a nod he immediately dashed out the room as fast as his legs allowed him.- "Finn!"- said Rey who did not understand what was happening and she just followed him trying to asking him what was happening.- "You shouldn't bully the young ones, Maz"- said Han sighing and serving himself more ale.- "I'm just providing an election"- said Maz who was still looking where Finn had going as if she could see him running away the hall- "that young man is strong, but his doubt and fear chain his potential... He needs to get rid of them to do so. I'm just giving him an opportunity. Its up to him to take it."- "You sound like Luke" - said Han smiling- "It's unfair, though. They are still so young..."- "We all were once"- said Maz looking at Han with a naughty grin- "and remind me how old you, Leia and Luke were when you fought the Empire?"- "Well... we weren't as green as they were..."- said Han feeling the grip of nostalgia for those days long gone- "except for Luke I had been in the bussiness for years and Leia was already an accomplished senator."- "And look how far Luke has gone"- said Maz returning to her seat and taking her mug again- "have faith in them... I feel they both have great destinies to accomplish. Maybe one far greater than yours."Finn had finally arrived to the Cantina after asking many people for directions and started looking for the men Maz mentioned.- "Hey, have you seen Yukkar and Guetto?"- he asked an alien that was enjoying a drink.- "Graake!"- he violently told him to go away so he asked another person and after ten fails he finally managed to be pointed to the smugglers that would give him the opportunity to start again.- "I was told you can get me to the Outer Rim."- said Finn when he was in front of them- "I can work for transportation. I can shoot and I have militar experience..."They talked for some minutes and had a deal when he was grabbed by the arm and he saw Rey who had caught up with him. She had eyes that showed absolute confusion and Finn felt a terrible sense of guilt since he knew that she would ask for an explaination and he was absolutely sure that she would hate him afterwards.- "Finn"- she said and Finn felt her voice was as heavy as a mountain- "what are you doing?"- "Come with me"- said Finn pleading since he knew that it was just a matter of time for the first order to arrive- "let's get away while we still can."He knew that this answer was not what she was looking for, but Finn did not want to face her when he tell her the truth so he just tried to send the invitation.- "What about BB-8? We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base"- said Rey with a confused look.- "I can't!"- said Finn and then he turned around to talk to Yukkar knowing that he could not delay telling Rey the truth- "Don't leave without me."- "What are you doing?"- asked Rey and pulled him with a strong grip- "You can't just go. I won't let you..."These words surprised herself the moment she utter the words. She saw Finn and she found that he was also very surprised by her reaction. She wondered why she was feeling like this. She had met many people in Jakku who had been very friendly and who had always been nice to her and some could even be considered her friends and she had to say good bye to all of them and even though she had felt sad for their departure, never had she asked anyone to stay like she was doing now. He had met Finn just four days ago, so it was very strange to have grown so close to him. She simply did not understand herself but something was telling her that if she let him go, she would regret it forever.- "Rey..."- said Finn who was really touched by her actions and he felt even guiltier- "I'm not who you think I am... tthe truth is that I lied to you..."Rey furrowed her brow and could sense the great conflict Finn was having now. Finn was trembling a little and she knew that whatever he wanted to say was very difficult and painful.- "Finn..."- she said without letting go. She was kind of cared of listening what he was about to say, but she knew that he needed to take it out from his system or he would explode- "what are you talking about?"- "I... the truth is... damn!"- Finn started to sweat and Rey could feel his suffering.- "Finn!"- she said with a firm voice and she made him look at her eyes- "tell me!"Finn saw her eyes and he felt the most horrible person in the galaxy. He knew it was over and even though his logic told him not to tell her, something inside him told him that she deserved to know who he was. He sighed and looked at her with decision.- "I'm not Resistance... I'm not a hero... I'm a Stormtrooper... Like all of them..."- Finn said with a voice so low that only Rey was able to hear, but his words shocked the young girl to the last fiber of her being- "I was in Jakku due to a mission..."- "Tuanul Village..."- said Rey and Finn felt a huge pain when he saw the horror and shock in her eyes- "you were there...?"Finn felt her hands trembling at his words and he noticed her desperation. He knew that she wanted him to deny it and say that he was not present in the masacre, he also wanted that was the case, but he knew he had to be honest.- "Yes... I was there..."- he said and Rey stepped back in horror. She turned around and gave his back to him.Rey was experiencing a terrible moment. She could not believe that someone so noble and kind... someone with such pure eyes, was capable of slaughter innocent people like that. There had to be a reason... she had to listen to his side of the story but she was scared of his accepting being a murderer and destroy the image she had of him.- "Did you kill them...?"- asked Rey without looking at him since she did not have the strenght to d so- "did you kill the villagers? Including the old and the children...?"Finn saw her reaction and he felt the distance between them growing wider and he felt a loneliness he had never felt before. However, he could not blame her. It was absolutely understandable. Finn knew that Rey should be thinking of him as a cold killer who shot innocent children and burned down the town to cinders. Even if he told her the truth there was no assurance that she believe him but he had to say it anyways.- "I did not!"- said Finn and Rey turned around to see him dirtectly- "And that was the reason why I left the First Order."Finn noticed Rey was listening more openly now but he knew that it was necessary to explain further so he continued talking.- "I was taken from a family I'll never know. And raised to do one thing..."- Finn said this with great sadness- "But my first battle... Tuanul... I made a choice... I wasn't gonna kill for them. So I ran... right into you. And you looked at me like no one ever had... These four days with you have been the happiest and more amazing days in my life... but I can't continue here..."- "Why?"- she asked feeling a little better to know that he was not a murderer and that he also felt the same about these days together- "you already abandoned the First Order."- "Because... I can't forget them... the people of Tuanul..."- said Finn feeling a heavy pressure in his chest.- "But you didn't kill them."- said Rey and Finn shook his head.- "I may not have pulled the trigger, Rey"- Finn said closing his eyes and remembering that moment- "But I did nothing to stop them either... for me it's the same since I left them die... I still hear them, you know? Their screams and shouts for mercy... the children..."Finn made a big effort to not crumble due to the memories that were imprinted as if they had been marked by hot iron in his soul. Rey remembered how he had awoke many times during the night in fear and she understood that he must have been having nightmares about Tuanul. She got close and put a hand on his shoulder.- "You abandoned the First Order and helped that person from the Resistance"- she said trying to cheer him up- "that was very valiant..."- "Was it?"- asked Finn with a sad smile- "I just used Poe to run away and when I did... I shot at the people who until then had been my comrades... I killed people who were like me."- "They are murderers"- said Rey with a firm tone- "you are not like them!"- "They are just following orders"- said Finn who let his voice transmit his real feelings- "I was like that, too. I followed everything my superiors asked me because for me that was the normal thing. I really believed I was bringing peace and order to the galaxy... those stormtroopers... all of them think they are doing good. However, I didn't think about that and kill them without giving them a chance to choose... maybe if I had talked to some of them... sigh..."Rey stayed in silence assimilating what Finn had told her. If she had been taken and trained by the First Order since childhood... wouldn't she be the same as those stormtroopers? In that case... weren't they also victims of the First Order? Finn had grown up with them and she could understand why he felt conflicted about fighting the First Order.- "I don't want to do this anymore, Rey"- said Finn with an honest boy and he seemed so small and powerless that Rey felt the need to hug him, but she thought that maybe it would be strange and so she just stopped herself from doing so- "I don't want to be an accomplice of the First Order... but I don't want to kill people that I know since I was a child... that's why I have to leave... because the truth, Rey, It's that I'm just a coward and a traitor who will never do anything important..."Rey felt he was about to break into pieces and so she grabbed him strongly and looked at him with great conviction.- "Finn... look at me!"- she said and let her heart talk- "I don't care who you were in the past."Finn looked at her with surprise but then he tried to avoid her eyes, but Rey did not let him and grabbed his face so he looked at her.- "I only care about the person I know that you are now"- she said with great emotion and Finn could feel her sincerety- " You are kind and brave. You jumped to save me even though you didn't have to... You lied about who you were... who hasn't done that to survive? You fought against them who were your comrades because it was necessary at the moment. If you hadn't done that, they would have killed you... and you know that..."Finn did not say a word but he knew that Rey was right. In thew eyes of the soldiers of the AFirst order, he was a traitor that needed to be eliminated. If he had not gone, now he would be a puppet in the hands of crazy people. He felt the knot in his heart get loose a little. It was truth that the common stormtroopers were following orders but they still decided to carry outr the orders. At least, he had decided to not to do it anymore... Besides that... in killing them, he had avenged the victims of Tuanul at least in part. Rey noticed that her words had some effect so she continued.- "Contrary to those hundreds stormtroopers, you took the decision to that life by your own will and decided to do what you considered it was good...."- said Rey even though she did not know where those words were coming from- "Now is the moment you can change completely and put your skills in the service of good... Join the resistance, Finn. You still can be the hero you pretended to be... You have amazing skills and experience that I don't have... you can be of great help to the Resistance... stay with Han and fight... I believe you can be great, Finn. I know it!"Finn felt tears running out of his eyes without control. He was trying to run away from everything like a coward, and this girl in front of him was telling him words he had never heard before. Even when he had been complimented by Phasma, he had not felt anything. However, the words of Rey were different. She really meant what she was saying and not only to use him. She said she believed in him and for a moment he wanted to do as she said and stay and fight to show this girl that her faith was not wrong... but then the image of Phasma and Kylo Ren appeared in his head... and the cries of the Tuanul villagers and an intense fear corroded his being. He gritted his fists...- "I was ashamed of what I was"- said Finn looking at Rey with gratitude- "But I'm done with the First Order and the fights... I'm never going back. Rey, come with me."Finn extended his hand to Rey and he said these words with pleading eyes. Rey was extremely tempted. For some reason, Finn's company was very comfortable and pleasing and she didn't want to part ways with him. For the first time in her life she was tempted to not return to Jakku and just follow him no matter where he went. But for some reason, she could not take his hand. The same feeling that was telling her not to let him go was also telling her not to go either. She could not explain but her instinct was telling her that she should stay with Han, Chewee and Finn too.- "Please, don't go!"- said Rey and for some reason she wanted to cry. She saw the dissapoint in the eyes of Finn and she knew he had already taken his decision.- "Take care of yourself, Rey... Please..."- Finn said and turned his back to go with the people who would take him far away from the first person who really believed in him.He felt dirty and unworthy. He didn't deserve the faith of such a wonderful person... he was useless... a coward... someone who could not save anyone... and he knew that everyone would be better without him and so he went away while Rey stayed there feeling the tears running down her cheeks.
