“If the earth is flat, I would open the window every day
And look at the faraway you.”
—Gigi Leung (Weather Report)
Being in freshman year in university meant one had to endure one month of military training. Zhang Yuan had tanned considerably. He Luo smiled when she saw his photo. Over the phone, she told him, “You must wear reflective clothes when you are going out at night, otherwise the driver cannot see you. Crossing the road is too dangerous for you.”
In his letter, he wrote that during the cadre class 1 regular meeting, the instructor had said, “Everyone has been training together for a month. Let’s exchange each other’s experience and opinion.”
The female monitor Zhu Ning Li then got up. “Zhang Yuan isn’t doing enough to reunite our class. It’s almost the end. Even though he is a local and also a monitor, he doesn’t bother arranging the outstation students to explore the city. And he never shows us girl a smiling face.”
Zhang Yuan replied, “I notice you all go shopping every weekend, thinking you must have explored all that could be explored in the city.” After a moment, he continued, “If I smile at you everyday, will you feel secure?”
Glaring at him, Zhu Ning Li sat back down.
“Girl, do you think this makes sense? You’re not my girlfriend, why right do you have to demand that I smile at you everyday?”
He Luo could not imagine Zhang Yuan’s darkened face. How could he not smile? Since when has He Luo ever seen his dark and moody expression?
Reading Zhang Yuan’s letter, looking at his serious expression in the photo, He Luo still couldn’t help smiling. But she quickly covered it up with a cough.
Her roommate Zhou Xing Yan, the Beijing girl, frowned as she carried two bottles of hot water back to their room. “Hey, He Luo. Didn’t I tell you to lie down and rest? Why are you still sitting there, reading the letter? You read the letter everyday, you read it so much you will ruin the letter someday!” She ransacked her drawer for a VC pill and dissolved it in a glass of water. “Since you don’t have an appetite, have some vitamin at least. You’ll get better faster.”
The pill sizzled in the water, reminding He Luo of the time they produced acetylene in high school.
Back then, Zhang Yuan told her how, as a child, he used to go to the traders and ask for calcium carbide. When it rained, he would throw them in the drain on the street. He and a group of children would surround the drain excitedly watching the water bubbling from the chemistry reaction.
“Naughty and boring.” He Luo teased him.
“This is called having an adventurous spirit.” Zhang Yuan shook his head at her. That radiant expression was still vivid in her memories but in just a blink of an eye, two years have passed since.
He Luo’s eyes were wet. She missed Zhang Yuan, she also missed her home.
In the morning, she was forced to wait for a long time in the school nursery. Zhou Xing Yan who was accompanying her was apologetic as she said, “He Luo, the Advanced Maths class is about to begin…” As a freshman, she still carried the perception of a high school student that classes cannot be skipped.
“Go on, I am fine. I won’t faint.” He Luo smiled faintly. She was actually feeling cold. In the chilly September in Beijing, she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and sweater. Her skin felt sticky from sweat. In a moment, goosebumps broke out all over her and she felt even more helpless.
After finally meeting the doctor and explaining the cause, she was scolded. “It was raining so hard the past two days but you were outside on the phone for half an hour? You’re lucky not to have pneumonia. Were you calling your boyfriend? I know you weren’t calling home. You children never understand the feelings of worried parents and only know how to be affectionate with your boyfriends. You don’t even know how to take care of yourself!”
The doctor’s words were bitter and cynical, sounding very sarcastic.
He Luo had neither the heart nor strength to retort.
There were no phones in the dorm. The only ones available were public telephones in the campus but they were always occupied during lunch and dinner times. The queue would stretch on endlessly. On that day, she finally made it to the phone after a bitterly long wait when it started raining. Unwilling to let go of her precious opportunity, she stubbornly stayed in the orange telephone booth, even though the wind was constantly coming in and the rain was pouring. After awhile, she couldn’t help her teeth from chattering.
“Your voice sounds off.” Zhang Yuan was suspicious. “Why do you sound so stiff? If you’re tired, just take a break and I will call you back later.”
“Didn’t you say it is difficult to call?” He Luo asked, trembling.
“Exactly. You 600 girls only have one telephone in the entire building. Of course it’ll be more difficult than calling into a radio hotline,” he complained. “The last time I tried an entire afternoon, I dialed the number over and over until my fingers hurt.”
*
“Just for that, you made yourself sick?” Ye Zhi placed her school bag on the floor and went over to feel He Luo’s forehead. “Aiya, it’s really hot! I’m going to the canteen, do you want any food?”
“Porridge and salted vegetables. Thank you.” He Luo’s stomach was empty but the thought of greasy food made her stomach turn. She really missed Mom’s egg soup at this moment, with a sprinkle of green onion, two drops of sesame oil. That was truly the best comfort food.
The oldest roommate Tong Jia came over. “He Luo, you must miss home all that more when ill?”
This girl from the south. Usually she never said much, but today she actually dropped such a killer line.
“Ah, I’m still okay. I’ll get some sleep first.” He Luo turned towards the wall, hiding underneath the net. In an instant, her tears began falling.
In a daze, as if she was back home, she saw a familiar street paved with brick. In the rain, the retro-European street lamps illuminated faintly. Mom said, “Let’s go and have some family restaurant food, that stewed pork dish. Why do I feel like you’re still my little tail? But in a blink of an eye, I’m already sending you off outstation to study.”
Then it was as if the weather turned sultry and she was transported to the time she was preparing for her college entrance exam. He Luo stared at the review materials covering her desk. “Didn’t I already take the exam?”
“Who said that!” The classmate sitting next to her didn’t even blink. “It was a mock exam the last time. There are still so many topics. Hurry up and do!”
“There are so many, how can I finish!” When she turned around, she saw that Zhang Yuan was not in the classroom. He must be outside playing in the court again. “Come back, there are still so many workbooks undone!” she yelled over the window.
The more anxious she felt, the more she worked up a sweat. In a jolt, she had returned to her original place in the university dorm.
The lights were just turned off and the girls had just settled into their beds, quietly complaining about how the Advanced Maths lecturer skipped 20 pages of content in one go. He Luo stared wide-eyed at the flooring above her, where the wood was so old and cracked she could see scars on it. When Zhou Xing Yan climbed to the bunk above, the bed rattled.
Outside the window, she could hear sound of water splashing.
“Is it raining?” He Luo asked.
“You’re awake?” Zhou Xing Yan poked her head out from the railing. “There’s no rain! Maybe it’s just the wind blowing the leaves.”
“Are we being too loud? Did we disturb you?” Ye Zhi asked.
“No, I’ve been feeling dizzy all that day. I was only half asleep.”
“You seem to be having a nightmare earlier, you kept on muttering something.”
“Oh. The fever must have fried my brain.”
He Luo closed her eyes. Her head was still hurting so much that it felt like it was going to explode. She pressed her palms on her temples and gently rubbed them. Outside the window, the sound of basketball hitting the ground felt especially close, especially clear in the quiet of the night.
Zhou Xing Yan hurriedly climbed down, opened the window, and yelled, “Hey, stop playing! Go and be crazy if you want, we still need to sleep! We have a patient here!”
“Don’t worry about me,” He Luo said. “You all should rest early, you still have class tomorrow.”
The sound of basketball dribbling did indeed stop but He Luo actually felt disappointed. She mentioned this in her letter to Zhang Yuan, writing, “In that moment I really thought that you have come, crossing mountains and oceans to see me. Isn’t it silly? So I comforted myself saying that it was the sound of your dribbling. No matter how far it is, I can still hear it.”
He Luo didn’t mention about how she got sick from the rain.
*
She rode her bike to go see Tian Xin, whose university was organising their military training. From afar, she could see everyone carrying a small stool. The instructor fervently shouted, “Put down the stool. Ready? Put it down!”
“Pick it up and stand!”
A flurry of ping-pang sound can be heard as the group of students laboured on green grass. He Luo’s eyes wandered around the crowd until she found Tian Xin. Truly she was someone who has studied opera. Her voice rang loud and clear.
“Ah, you’re really heartless! You only come and see me after so many days!” Tian Xin rushed over to He Luo as soon as it was break time. “Is it that you are so busy dating with Classmate Zhang that you forgot that your sister is still suffering here!”
“What are you saying, I was sick just two day ago.”
“Ah, really! Have you gotten better?”
“En. Don’t tell anyone…” He Luo pondered over her words. “My family and Zhang Yuan don’t know about it.”
“You’re really [acting] strong,” Tian Xin said. “If my parents know, surely they’ll be crying and rushing over here on the plane.”
“Look, don’t I look rather spirited now? Why do I need to worry them?”
“You’ve really suffered.” Tian Xin gave He Luo a quick hug. “Too bad I can’t take care of you. It would be good if Zhang Yuan is here.”
“Remember, you can’t tell him.” He Luo sighed. “He’s already… pretty depressed.”
“If I’m him, I would also depressed. He applied for Tsinghua but was two points shy of the passing grade,” Tian Xin said. “This guy scored more than 640 for every mock exam, but who knew this year’s exam would be so simple. Everyone has 640, but he himself scored 640. He didn’t have an advantage at all.”
“We promised to talk to our parents about our relationship after coming to Beijing together,” He Luo said, dragging her feet in the sand. “But he has been listless the entire summer. I don’t even know what to say.”
“This guy has always been too arrogant, this is a good lesson for him.”
Is that supposed to be comforting? He Luo smiled wryly. This lesson was too big for them; it meant they would be separated for four years.
Due to the week’s coursework, He Luo ended up spending a few days entirely in the study room, only returning to her room when the lights were off. University coursework was completely different from high school’s. The contents of a class cannot be understood overnight, especially for Advanced Maths.
Darn! She scratched her head, hating that she wasn’t a genius.
If only Zhang Yuan is still here. She remembered the winter that year, that warm and sleepy classroom, and the snow-covered platform. He had smiled and told her, “I’ll remember you for the rest of my life.”
That time, on the ride home they passed by the local provincial university, He Luo had said, “I’ll just apply here. It’s close to home.”
Zhang Yuan laughed. “Wherever you apply to, it’ll still be better than this university!”
Right on mark.
Two and a half year later, holding the admission letter from the provincial university, what kind of mood would he be in? He Luo dared not guess, her heart felt too heavy.
Back in her room, Ye Zhi said, “Ah, you’re finally back! Look, it’s a big harvest today.” Three identical envelopes were placed on her desk, written in familiar handwriting were He Luo’s name and the reading order.
In the first letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “Last weekend at home, when I was walking out the door, I had the urge to turn right, go straight, turn right, and then go see you in the street. Here at home it’s already turning cold. Watching the birds flying south in the sky, I think they’re happier than I am.”
In the second letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “I called you a few times but none made it through. Do you have an email? Go and apply one, it can instantly travel to me. And it’s also safer. Every time I write to you, the letters will be detained in my dorm. My mates use it to blackmail me, I had done almost everything except wash their smelly socks.”
In the third letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “I have tried email a few times but ultimately I think I don’t like it. Like a letter, I cannot hear your voice. At least it’s warmer to receive a physical letter in my hand. I’ve never written letters before but now I’m constantly contributing to our country’s postal system. It’s incredibly embarrassing to stand with a bunch of young girls to buy stationery. Next time, you choose a pack of your favorite stationery and give it to me.”
The rest of the letter consisted a little trivia but it lasted long enough that the letter was quick thick. He Luo can’t help but pick out a few interesting paragraphs to share with her roommates. When she was finished, Zhou Xin Yan laughed. “Good, good. It’s a valuable experience for him.”
“You are finished this time, He Luo!” Ye Zhi winked, looking sympathetic. “You poor Cinderella, from now on you’ll have to help us, your sisters, with our laundry.”
“Watch out for my revenge when you all get your boyfriends!” He Luo scrunched her nose. “I’ll kidnap and hide you inside my house and let them come redeem you.”
“Ah? What kidnapping? Are you talking about the case in Malaysia?” Tong Jia who had just returned from washing her hair asked, puzzled.
“Yes, kidnapping, kidnapping!” Zhou Xing Yan surrounded He Luo. “If you don’t pay ransom, such as three pieces of the canteen’s red roasted chicken thigh, I’ll kill the victim!”
“What are you saying?” He Luo asked, confused.
“There, didn’t I say you have a big harvest today!” Zhou Xing Yan stretched out her hand, showing yet another letter. “Three thick letters, one thin!”
“Ah, give it back!” He Luo sprang up.
“Why don’t you come take it from me?” Zhou Xing Yan ran to her top bunk and held her hand up high. Ye Zhi, who was sitting on the other top bunk took it over.
“Give it back, give it back!” He Luo jumped. Without even taking off her shoes, she climbed on the stairs.
“Don’t come!” Ye Zhi pointed at her. “If not I’ll drop this. Come, call me Big Sis.”
“But I’m the oldest?” Tong Jia giggled. “It’s fine, just give me the lion’s share of the ransom later.”
“Give it to me now!” He Luo’s heart itched.
“Okay, okay.” Ye Zhi passed the letters over. “You look like you want to cry.”
“You…” Zhou Xing Yan scoffed. “Today we’ll show you mercy. When Classmate Zhang Yuan comes, he’ll see how we will treat him.”
The letter was exceptionally thin and made He Luo doubt if there was really any content. He Luo turned it over in her hand a few times. There was a cross drawn in blue pen on the back, it really was Zhang Yuan’s letter. To keep the thin letter flat, she took out a knife she bought especially for such occasions. It was a silver knife, like a little sword.
There was only one note in it, which read: “If you can’t endure it anymore, don’t.” It was followed by a string of numbers - a pager’s number.
“Ah!” A surprised He Luo grabbed her small box of coins and ran out of the room.
“Hey, the lights are going off soon! Where are you going?”
“Please, I need to make a call! Open the door for me later,” He Luo replied. “Tell the warden that I went out for a run and came back a little late…” The second half of her sentence was already floating from the corridor.
Running with leather shoes and a skirt? Ye Zhi and Zhou Xing Yan stared at each other, deciding it was easier to just beg the madam downstairs for leniency instead.
*
“Why did you buy a beeper? It’s not like you can respond immediately.” He Luo asked, “Don’t you need to queue for the phone in your university?”
“I can rush to the leader’s office in 10 minutes,” Zhang Yuan replied. “Who told him to make me tidy up his files?”
“I received your letters. You really did write a lot.”
Zhang Yuan snickered, a little innocently embarrassed. “What did I write? It’s okay to just read them. Don’t read them out loud, you’ll cringe from the cheesiness.”
He Luo immediately thought of a cheesier reply: “How can I not read them out loud? They’re so sweet.” She was amused by her own thoughts.
“Hey, why is there a cross in the last letter?” she asked.
“Is there?”
“There is. What do you mean by that?”
“Oh, it was too thin. I was worried someone’ll throw it away thinking it is empty.”
“Ah, that’s why.” He Luo felt a little disappointed. “I thought…”
She didn’t speak.
“What did you think it was?”
“An old song. An English song.”
“What song? There are so many songs, which can I think about?” he laughed. “Right Here Waiting?”
“Sealed with a Kiss.”
“What are you thinking in that little mind of yours?” Zhang Yuan paused. “When you come back, take the initiative.”
The heat went straight from her chin to her forehead. “Stop dreaming,” He Luo said softly.
Hearing her shy voice, it was as if a water lotus blossomed in that windy, cold night.
[artwork by Adams Carvalho]
“If the earth is flat, I would open the window every day
And look at the faraway you.”
—Gigi Leung (Weather Report)
Being in freshman year in university meant one had to endure one month of military training. Zhang Yuan had tanned considerably. He Luo smiled when she saw his photo. Over the phone, she told him, “You must wear reflective clothes when you are going out at night, otherwise the driver cannot see you. Crossing the road is too dangerous for you.”
In his letter, he wrote that during the cadre class 1 regular meeting, the instructor had said, “Everyone has been training together for a month. Let’s exchange each other’s experience and opinion.”
The female monitor Zhu Ning Li then got up. “Zhang Yuan isn’t doing enough to reunite our class. It’s almost the end. Even though he is a local and also a monitor, he doesn’t bother arranging the outstation students to explore the city. And he never shows us girl a smiling face.”
Zhang Yuan replied, “I notice you all go shopping every weekend, thinking you must have explored all that could be explored in the city.” After a moment, he continued, “If I smile at you everyday, will you feel secure?”
Glaring at him, Zhu Ning Li sat back down.
“Girl, do you think this makes sense? You’re not my girlfriend, why right do you have to demand that I smile at you everyday?”
He Luo could not imagine Zhang Yuan’s darkened face. How could he not smile? Since when has He Luo ever seen his dark and moody expression?
Reading Zhang Yuan’s letter, looking at his serious expression in the photo, He Luo still couldn’t help smiling. But she quickly covered it up with a cough.
Her roommate Zhou Xing Yan, the Beijing girl, frowned as she carried two bottles of hot water back to their room. “Hey, He Luo. Didn’t I tell you to lie down and rest? Why are you still sitting there, reading the letter? You read the letter everyday, you read it so much you will ruin the letter someday!” She ransacked her drawer for a VC pill and dissolved it in a glass of water. “Since you don’t have an appetite, have some vitamin at least. You’ll get better faster.”
The pill sizzled in the water, reminding He Luo of the time they produced acetylene in high school.
Back then, Zhang Yuan told her how, as a child, he used to go to the traders and ask for calcium carbide. When it rained, he would throw them in the drain on the street. He and a group of children would surround the drain excitedly watching the water bubbling from the chemistry reaction.
“Naughty and boring.” He Luo teased him.
“This is called having an adventurous spirit.” Zhang Yuan shook his head at her. That radiant expression was still vivid in her memories but in just a blink of an eye, two years have passed since.
He Luo’s eyes were wet. She missed Zhang Yuan, she also missed her home.
In the morning, she was forced to wait for a long time in the school nursery. Zhou Xing Yan who was accompanying her was apologetic as she said, “He Luo, the Advanced Maths class is about to begin…” As a freshman, she still carried the perception of a high school student that classes cannot be skipped.
“Go on, I am fine. I won’t faint.” He Luo smiled faintly. She was actually feeling cold. In the chilly September in Beijing, she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and sweater. Her skin felt sticky from sweat. In a moment, goosebumps broke out all over her and she felt even more helpless.
After finally meeting the doctor and explaining the cause, she was scolded. “It was raining so hard the past two days but you were outside on the phone for half an hour? You’re lucky not to have pneumonia. Were you calling your boyfriend? I know you weren’t calling home. You children never understand the feelings of worried parents and only know how to be affectionate with your boyfriends. You don’t even know how to take care of yourself!”
The doctor’s words were bitter and cynical, sounding very sarcastic.
He Luo had neither the heart nor strength to retort.
There were no phones in the dorm. The only ones available were public telephones in the campus but they were always occupied during lunch and dinner times. The queue would stretch on endlessly. On that day, she finally made it to the phone after a bitterly long wait when it started raining. Unwilling to let go of her precious opportunity, she stubbornly stayed in the orange telephone booth, even though the wind was constantly coming in and the rain was pouring. After awhile, she couldn’t help her teeth from chattering.
“Your voice sounds off.” Zhang Yuan was suspicious. “Why do you sound so stiff? If you’re tired, just take a break and I will call you back later.”
“Didn’t you say it is difficult to call?” He Luo asked, trembling.
“Exactly. You 600 girls only have one telephone in the entire building. Of course it’ll be more difficult than calling into a radio hotline,” he complained. “The last time I tried an entire afternoon, I dialed the number over and over until my fingers hurt.”
*
“Just for that, you made yourself sick?” Ye Zhi placed her school bag on the floor and went over to feel He Luo’s forehead. “Aiya, it’s really hot! I’m going to the canteen, do you want any food?”
“Porridge and salted vegetables. Thank you.” He Luo’s stomach was empty but the thought of greasy food made her stomach turn. She really missed Mom’s egg soup at this moment, with a sprinkle of green onion, two drops of sesame oil. That was truly the best comfort food.
The oldest roommate Tong Jia came over. “He Luo, you must miss home all that more when ill?”
This girl from the south. Usually she never said much, but today she actually dropped such a killer line.
“Ah, I’m still okay. I’ll get some sleep first.” He Luo turned towards the wall, hiding underneath the net. In an instant, her tears began falling.
In a daze, as if she was back home, she saw a familiar street paved with brick. In the rain, the retro-European street lamps illuminated faintly. Mom said, “Let’s go and have some family restaurant food, that stewed pork dish. Why do I feel like you’re still my little tail? But in a blink of an eye, I’m already sending you off outstation to study.”
Then it was as if the weather turned sultry and she was transported to the time she was preparing for her college entrance exam. He Luo stared at the review materials covering her desk. “Didn’t I already take the exam?”
“Who said that!” The classmate sitting next to her didn’t even blink. “It was a mock exam the last time. There are still so many topics. Hurry up and do!”
“There are so many, how can I finish!” When she turned around, she saw that Zhang Yuan was not in the classroom. He must be outside playing in the court again. “Come back, there are still so many workbooks undone!” she yelled over the window.
The more anxious she felt, the more she worked up a sweat. In a jolt, she had returned to her original place in the university dorm.
The lights were just turned off and the girls had just settled into their beds, quietly complaining about how the Advanced Maths lecturer skipped 20 pages of content in one go. He Luo stared wide-eyed at the flooring above her, where the wood was so old and cracked she could see scars on it. When Zhou Xing Yan climbed to the bunk above, the bed rattled.
Outside the window, she could hear sound of water splashing.
“Is it raining?” He Luo asked.
“You’re awake?” Zhou Xing Yan poked her head out from the railing. “There’s no rain! Maybe it’s just the wind blowing the leaves.”
“Are we being too loud? Did we disturb you?” Ye Zhi asked.
“No, I’ve been feeling dizzy all that day. I was only half asleep.”
“You seem to be having a nightmare earlier, you kept on muttering something.”
“Oh. The fever must have fried my brain.”
He Luo closed her eyes. Her head was still hurting so much that it felt like it was going to explode. She pressed her palms on her temples and gently rubbed them. Outside the window, the sound of basketball hitting the ground felt especially close, especially clear in the quiet of the night.
Zhou Xing Yan hurriedly climbed down, opened the window, and yelled, “Hey, stop playing! Go and be crazy if you want, we still need to sleep! We have a patient here!”
“Don’t worry about me,” He Luo said. “You all should rest early, you still have class tomorrow.”
The sound of basketball dribbling did indeed stop but He Luo actually felt disappointed. She mentioned this in her letter to Zhang Yuan, writing, “In that moment I really thought that you have come, crossing mountains and oceans to see me. Isn’t it silly? So I comforted myself saying that it was the sound of your dribbling. No matter how far it is, I can still hear it.”
He Luo didn’t mention about how she got sick from the rain.
*
She rode her bike to go see Tian Xin, whose university was organising their military training. From afar, she could see everyone carrying a small stool. The instructor fervently shouted, “Put down the stool. Ready? Put it down!”
“Pick it up and stand!”
A flurry of ping-pang sound can be heard as the group of students laboured on green grass. He Luo’s eyes wandered around the crowd until she found Tian Xin. Truly she was someone who has studied opera. Her voice rang loud and clear.
“Ah, you’re really heartless! You only come and see me after so many days!” Tian Xin rushed over to He Luo as soon as it was break time. “Is it that you are so busy dating with Classmate Zhang that you forgot that your sister is still suffering here!”
“What are you saying, I was sick just two day ago.”
“Ah, really! Have you gotten better?”
“En. Don’t tell anyone…” He Luo pondered over her words. “My family and Zhang Yuan don’t know about it.”
“You’re really [acting] strong,” Tian Xin said. “If my parents know, surely they’ll be crying and rushing over here on the plane.”
“Look, don’t I look rather spirited now? Why do I need to worry them?”
“You’ve really suffered.” Tian Xin gave He Luo a quick hug. “Too bad I can’t take care of you. It would be good if Zhang Yuan is here.”
“Remember, you can’t tell him.” He Luo sighed. “He’s already… pretty depressed.”
“If I’m him, I would also depressed. He applied for Tsinghua but was two points shy of the passing grade,” Tian Xin said. “This guy scored more than 640 for every mock exam, but who knew this year’s exam would be so simple. Everyone has 640, but he himself scored 640. He didn’t have an advantage at all.”
“We promised to talk to our parents about our relationship after coming to Beijing together,” He Luo said, dragging her feet in the sand. “But he has been listless the entire summer. I don’t even know what to say.”
“This guy has always been too arrogant, this is a good lesson for him.”
Is that supposed to be comforting? He Luo smiled wryly. This lesson was too big for them; it meant they would be separated for four years.
Due to the week’s coursework, He Luo ended up spending a few days entirely in the study room, only returning to her room when the lights were off. University coursework was completely different from high school’s. The contents of a class cannot be understood overnight, especially for Advanced Maths.
Darn! She scratched her head, hating that she wasn’t a genius.
If only Zhang Yuan is still here. She remembered the winter that year, that warm and sleepy classroom, and the snow-covered platform. He had smiled and told her, “I’ll remember you for the rest of my life.”
That time, on the ride home they passed by the local provincial university, He Luo had said, “I’ll just apply here. It’s close to home.”
Zhang Yuan laughed. “Wherever you apply to, it’ll still be better than this university!”
Right on mark.
Two and a half year later, holding the admission letter from the provincial university, what kind of mood would he be in? He Luo dared not guess, her heart felt too heavy.
Back in her room, Ye Zhi said, “Ah, you’re finally back! Look, it’s a big harvest today.” Three identical envelopes were placed on her desk, written in familiar handwriting were He Luo’s name and the reading order.
In the first letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “Last weekend at home, when I was walking out the door, I had the urge to turn right, go straight, turn right, and then go see you in the street. Here at home it’s already turning cold. Watching the birds flying south in the sky, I think they’re happier than I am.”
In the second letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “I called you a few times but none made it through. Do you have an email? Go and apply one, it can instantly travel to me. And it’s also safer. Every time I write to you, the letters will be detained in my dorm. My mates use it to blackmail me, I had done almost everything except wash their smelly socks.”
In the third letter, Zhang Yuan wrote: “I have tried email a few times but ultimately I think I don’t like it. Like a letter, I cannot hear your voice. At least it’s warmer to receive a physical letter in my hand. I’ve never written letters before but now I’m constantly contributing to our country’s postal system. It’s incredibly embarrassing to stand with a bunch of young girls to buy stationery. Next time, you choose a pack of your favorite stationery and give it to me.”
The rest of the letter consisted a little trivia but it lasted long enough that the letter was quick thick. He Luo can’t help but pick out a few interesting paragraphs to share with her roommates. When she was finished, Zhou Xin Yan laughed. “Good, good. It’s a valuable experience for him.”
“You are finished this time, He Luo!” Ye Zhi winked, looking sympathetic. “You poor Cinderella, from now on you’ll have to help us, your sisters, with our laundry.”
“Watch out for my revenge when you all get your boyfriends!” He Luo scrunched her nose. “I’ll kidnap and hide you inside my house and let them come redeem you.”
“Ah? What kidnapping? Are you talking about the case in Malaysia?” Tong Jia who had just returned from washing her hair asked, puzzled.
“Yes, kidnapping, kidnapping!” Zhou Xing Yan surrounded He Luo. “If you don’t pay ransom, such as three pieces of the canteen’s red roasted chicken thigh, I’ll kill the victim!”
“What are you saying?” He Luo asked, confused.
“There, didn’t I say you have a big harvest today!” Zhou Xing Yan stretched out her hand, showing yet another letter. “Three thick letters, one thin!”
“Ah, give it back!” He Luo sprang up.
“Why don’t you come take it from me?” Zhou Xing Yan ran to her top bunk and held her hand up high. Ye Zhi, who was sitting on the other top bunk took it over.
“Give it back, give it back!” He Luo jumped. Without even taking off her shoes, she climbed on the stairs.
“Don’t come!” Ye Zhi pointed at her. “If not I’ll drop this. Come, call me Big Sis.”
“But I’m the oldest?” Tong Jia giggled. “It’s fine, just give me the lion’s share of the ransom later.”
“Give it to me now!” He Luo’s heart itched.
“Okay, okay.” Ye Zhi passed the letters over. “You look like you want to cry.”
“You…” Zhou Xing Yan scoffed. “Today we’ll show you mercy. When Classmate Zhang Yuan comes, he’ll see how we will treat him.”
The letter was exceptionally thin and made He Luo doubt if there was really any content. He Luo turned it over in her hand a few times. There was a cross drawn in blue pen on the back, it really was Zhang Yuan’s letter. To keep the thin letter flat, she took out a knife she bought especially for such occasions. It was a silver knife, like a little sword.
There was only one note in it, which read: “If you can’t endure it anymore, don’t.” It was followed by a string of numbers - a pager’s number.
“Ah!” A surprised He Luo grabbed her small box of coins and ran out of the room.
“Hey, the lights are going off soon! Where are you going?”
“Please, I need to make a call! Open the door for me later,” He Luo replied. “Tell the warden that I went out for a run and came back a little late…” The second half of her sentence was already floating from the corridor.
Running with leather shoes and a skirt? Ye Zhi and Zhou Xing Yan stared at each other, deciding it was easier to just beg the madam downstairs for leniency instead.
*
“Why did you buy a beeper? It’s not like you can respond immediately.” He Luo asked, “Don’t you need to queue for the phone in your university?”
“I can rush to the leader’s office in 10 minutes,” Zhang Yuan replied. “Who told him to make me tidy up his files?”
“I received your letters. You really did write a lot.”
Zhang Yuan snickered, a little innocently embarrassed. “What did I write? It’s okay to just read them. Don’t read them out loud, you’ll cringe from the cheesiness.”
He Luo immediately thought of a cheesier reply: “How can I not read them out loud? They’re so sweet.” She was amused by her own thoughts.
“Hey, why is there a cross in the last letter?” she asked.
“Is there?”
“There is. What do you mean by that?”
“Oh, it was too thin. I was worried someone’ll throw it away thinking it is empty.”
“Ah, that’s why.” He Luo felt a little disappointed. “I thought…”
She didn’t speak.
“What did you think it was?”
“An old song. An English song.”
“What song? There are so many songs, which can I think about?” he laughed. “Right Here Waiting?”
“Sealed with a Kiss.”
“What are you thinking in that little mind of yours?” Zhang Yuan paused. “When you come back, take the initiative.”
The heat went straight from her chin to her forehead. “Stop dreaming,” He Luo said softly.
Hearing her shy voice, it was as if a water lotus blossomed in that windy, cold night.
[artwork by Adams Carvalho]
