The ring on my finger can’t prevent the wilting of love
Who can tell me
How can I hold onto this affection
―Gigi Leung (“Ring”)
*
After classes commenced, Ah Xiang Po aka Wu Jiang came back to campus with two bottles of chilli sauce he brought from home. “My mom makes the most authentic sauce, hehe.” A thick layer of red oil floated above the sauce, almost seeping out from the bottle cover.
“Hurry up and pour it out!” Yang Jie Kang loudly said. “You’ve been shaking it so much the oil is going to come out.”
Wu Jiang grabbed a few sheets of paper sitting on the shelf and hummed, “In this world only mother is good…” as he wiped the mouth of the bottle lovingly. “Ah, what a pity, what a pity.” He cleaned the bottle. “My mother burned through the night to prepare this for me.”
“Just see how interesting Ah Xiang Po’s family is, to send two bottles of chilli sauce all the way here on a 40-hour train ride,” Zhang Yuan laughed. Both his and He Luo’s dorm rooms have just installed a phone. Every day, the 10 to 11 pm is their unmissable love hour.
“Ah, a parent’s worry travel a thousand miles,” He Luo said. “My mom is also like that. Whenever she sends me off, she would pack me so many things I can’t even carry. The place I’m going to is Beijing but she keeps thinking it’s the great wilderness of her time.”
“That I haven’t experienced. I spend every weekend lazily at home. Even when I want to help, my mom would throw me out of the kitchen like she’s swatting away a fly.”
“She’s afraid you’ll break all the bowls in the house.” He Luo squatted in the corridor, eyes rolled upwards towards the ceiling. “Or that you’ll burn the kitchen down. If my memory is correct, there’s a certain someone who tried to secretly cook an egg as a child and end up causing the oiled pan to catch fire…”
“You’re mocking me! Go and stand at a corner, I’ll punish you to stand there!” Zhang Yuan said fiercely, then chuckled. “Burning my kitchen down, breaking my house’s bowl, all that is better than making a fool of myself in your house.”
“Ah, my house?”
“My mom always complained about the girlfriend of so-and-so, how she breaks things even when she’s trying to help. I don’t want your parents to have that kind of impression of me,” he said.
He Luo laughed out loud. “So silly, you’re stealing my lines. Whatever about cooking or cleaning, I’m the one who should be worried about it. You’re not my family’s daughter, why do you need to go into the kitchen for?”
“Right. You’re my family’s precious daughter,” Zhang Yuan smiled. “Isn’t that right?”
“Then you’re my family’s little labour,” He Luo retorted. “Little labour, go and help my dad harvest rice one day! A bag of rice, and then another bag of flour.”
“Your dad is such a big leader, with so many brothers under him. Does he still need me?”
“They’re not my boyfriend. Then are you going or not?”
“I... “ Zhang Yuan’s heart carried a hint of lingering fear. “I’m a little afraid of your dad. He looks particularly majestic.”
“Majestic?” He Luo burst out laughing. “My father’s students back then are all disrespectful [in a joking manner] with him. Whatever top ten teachers competitions, he’ll definitely be ranked as the most gentle teacher!”
“But those students would bring this and that to visit your dad, none of them will take anything from him,” Zhang Yuan said. “But I’m a wolf who stole the precious pearl in his palm, even causing you not to go to America. Has your dad cooled his anger in these two years?”
“He’s okay now,” she replied. “I wrote a letter home a few days ago, it’s like high pressure water gun. As soon as they read it, their tears begin gushing.”
“What did you write? What’s so touching?” Zhang Yuan asked. “Let me read and learn from it. If my mom is touched, maybe she’ll increase my allowance.”
“Just be cute with them,” He Luo answered simply. “Thinking about it, they must have missed us.”
“I also missed you. Why aren’t you being cute with me?” he asked.
“You’re not even by my sideee. I’m aloneeee every day, even when I’m carrying water and riceee. I’m so loneeely, how can I practice being cuteeee.” He Luo took on an exaggerated Taiwanese slang, her mouth pouty and tone a little whiny. She couldn’t stand her own voice and goosebumps broke all over. Tong Jia Ying who had just walked out of the bedroom happened to hear. She nearly dropped the basin she was carrying, and her eyes and mouths were rounder than usual.
“I’m starting to play the pendulum [bored out of my mind],” Zhang Yuan said.
“Everyone in my dorm is playing,” He Luo giggled.
After putting down the phone, Zhang Yuan thought of He Luo’s cutesy voice. His scalp tingled as he shivered a little, but he couldn’t help but want to laugh. He looked up to see the ball of scrunched paper on top of the table and, recognising the familiar writing on it, can’t help but be furious. “Ah Xiang -Wu Jiang, get your ass here!” He carefully flattened the paper and saw the translucent red stain from the chilli sauce on it.
“Big boss, I’m not the one who said that earlier!” Ah Xiang Po panicked, trying to come up with an excuse. “It’s Da Gang who said you sound like a greasy, kept man.”
“Kao!” Zhang Yuan slammed the table. “This first! Can you see what this is, hmm?”
“It’s just some class notes, who will take a closer look! Besides it doesn’t even belong to any of us.” Ah Xiang Po walked over to glance at the paper before hurriedly returning to his original spot, maintaining a safe distance from Zhang Yuan. “Such delicate writing, how feminine.”
“That’s my woman’s writing.” Zhang Yuan’s heart ached.
He Luo had spent an incredible amount of effort to collect information on the graduate school examination. Cai Man Xin only managed to borrow the test-takers’ notes on the final day before the winter vacation. “They finished the exams today and had already gone out to celebrate,” Cai Man Xin told her, a little apologetic.
He Luo took the train the next afternoon. Worried that the printing centre would shorten its business hours during the holidays and would open doors late, she steeled her heart and burned the midnight oil to copy an entire semester’s principles of economics notes by hand.
“What’s the hurry?” Zhang Yuan had asked. “You can just photocopy it slowly, or wait until the next semester.”
“Won’t I have to trouble the person the next semester again? If you can get the notes early, you’ll be able to prepare earlier.” He Luo showed him the sides of her hand, they were covered in light, shiny sheen. “And besides these notes are written by myself. If you read my writing everyday, isn’t that like me revising with you everyday?”
“Look at how smug you are,” Zhang Yuan smiled and held onto her hand, kissing her little finger.
He Luo advised him to study the material carefully since the courses may be different coming from different universities. After reading some of the past year tests, he saw that there was not much difference from what he was being taught here. So the material became a souvenir to him, not something to be neglected, and certainly not something to be used like a tablecloth. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He had to sit down and cool himself.
“Don’t be like that. A wife is like a cloth, a brother is like a limb, isn’t it?” Ah Xiang Po immediately turned away. In his opinion, northeast boys would really cut you down if they want to. Their local speciality was the underworld.
Zhang Yuan angrily snorted and hurriedly put away the rest of the notes.
*
He Luo had just found a job as a tutor, working four hours a week. Beijing in spring-time invited all sorts of dust and wind, travelling by train took her about forty minutes. By the time she returned to her dorm, she could practically peel the sand off her face. But with a new monthly income of 400 yuan, her heart sung like a bird.
The parents earnestly told their child to do their homework seriously, even preparing fruit and tea. But the moment they walked away, the child would pull onto He Luo’s sleeve and talk to her about [drama character] Xiao Yan Zhi’s big eyes. Once the topic was brought up, perhaps they would only waste three to five minutes, but it would soon develop out of control. If the parents push the door open to check on them, the little girl would immediately change her tune. “Teacher He, see if what I just said was correct?”
He Luo hesitated. She didn’t want to help the child to block her parents’ anger, neither did she want her to be scolded. She really felt helpless against the naughty little thing but she didn’t want to lose the job. Ever since a phone was installed in her dorm, her monthly expenses rose to an extra one hundred. Dad was not at all stingy with her allowance, but using her family’s money to buy calling cards but not to call them, it made her feel uneasy.
Further, Zhang Yuan’s birthday was coming up. She already had her eye on a present and began saving up to buy it for him.
“Ah, a Swiss army knife,” Tian Xin said. “Boys really do like this kind of things, but this one has a really odd function. It can be used as a machete, a compass, and a fishing line.”
He Luo replied, “This is the classic version of the Rambo series. Every time we pass by the mall, this is what he’s looking at.”
Tian Xin pursued her lips. “Ah? This looks more like something Robinson Crusoe would use.”
He Luo laughed. “I also said that to him once.” Seeing that Tian Xin wanted to continue to study the knife, she immediately stopped her. “Forget it. Don’t break the knife, you can only twist it 90 degrees. If you break it, both you and I will be anxious.” She grabbed a flannel cloth and wiped away their fingerprints on it. She placed it back in its holster and back into its matte leather box lined with black velvet. Putting it down, He Luo thought of Zhang Yuan’s surprised expression when he would receive this gift. She imagined how he would subtly tell others that, “My girlfriend gifted me this.” She really couldn’t help her happy smile.
“Ah, let me play, let me play with it.” Tian Xin laid on He Luo’s bed, hugging the quilt as she faked sobbing noises. “This woman, treating your man as more important than your friends. I’m not even worth a useless knife.”
He Luo laughed. “Exactly. It’ll be hard to even sell you off for a few hundred yuan. Whoever spends money to buy you is buying suffering. Who has the money to feed you this little mistress?”
“Sheesh. It’s just that you’re not aware of my gentleness.” Tian Xin rolled her eyes. “Naturally someone praised me saying I’m gentle and considerate, a virtuous woman.” No matter how He Luo asked, she refused to elaborate. He Luo was rushing to send her letter and didn’t have the luxury of time to hassle her further. “Wait for me to return, I’ll start your interrogation.”
*
The consequence of happiness was being absolutely broke. After paying the bill, Zhang Yuan looked at the table full of empty dishes and said, “Do you all have worms in your stomachs? Every single one of you are like a born-again hungry ghost.”
“I-I know-know… b-big boss lately has a lot of m-m-money to spend…” Da Gang’s tongue was knotted. “B-but you’re more and more forceful(?).”
“Exactly, exactly. You have been taking more part-time jobs lately but this is your first bloodletting,” Ah Xiang Po said, still clear-headed.
“Kao. Am I making money to feed you guys?” Zhang Yuan laughed. “I might as well go to the farms in Jiangbei to rear pigs.”
“You can feed a little wife,” Ah Xiang Po added.
Da Gang extended his wide palm to high-five him. “T-There’s still Little Lady He.”
Ah Xiang Po asked, “Why don’t I see that Cao Cao girl around here lately? She didn’t even show up for your birthday. That girl is not bad, why don’t you introduce her to me?”
“If you really want to, go and ask Chocolate,” Zhang Yuan replied. “I’m not close to her.”
“I still want to live a few more days.” Ah Xiang Po shook her head. “Big boss, you say you’re not close to her but that person doesn’t think that way. We already have scarce resources here, but because of you, there’s even wastage. There are quite a few girls who blossom when they look at you. You either ask He jie trample on all of them, or you invite us to eat.”
“Eat, eat, eat. Sooner or later there’ll be a stamp on your body saying ‘Safe to eat.’”
“You’re the one with the stamp!” Ah Xiang Po handed him the aluminium can. “Goods have been sold out.”
Zhang Yuan took the can, fingering the cover ring on it. “I’ll give you the stamp. I have other arrangements.”
*
On Labour Day, He Luo and Tian Xin returned to their hometown. The atmosphere there picked up about a month later than in Beijing, the willow were just beginning to blossom flowers and the streets were scented with the smell of fresh leaves. Every breath they took felt refreshing and clear.
Mom and Dad went to the station to pick up He Luo, so did Tian Xin’s parents. She made a face at He Luo. “Look at how bright and energetic I am, in comparison to your gloomy and sad face. Even if you want to see a certain someone, you should be able to be patient through this moment. Just find an opportunity to go out. Just say I dragged you out for shopping.”
Inside the car, Mom asked, “Tian Xin this girl is still so cheerful. Does she have a boyfriend?”
“Should be considered no.”
“If she has one, then she has one. How can you say ‘considered’?”
“Just an ambiguous relationship, I suppose. One person pushing, one person pulling.” He Luo laughed. “Do you say it’s considered as a proper relationship or not?”
“Then what about you? Do you consider to have a boyfriend or not?” Mom asked nonchalantly. “If you have one, then bring him to mom and dad to take a look.”
“What do you think?” He Luo laughed lightly. “Dad has already met him.”
“It’s still the same one?” Dad turned around to ask.
He Luo retorted, “Then who else is there?”
“It’s good that you’re still together! We were worried that there’s any changes in your relationship since it’s been so long and you hasn’t bring him home yet,” Mom immediately added. “We were worried you kids are not stable enough, breaking up as fast as you got together.”
“Our relationship is not a game,” He Luo said hesitantly.
“Is he at Tsinghua?” Dad suddenly asked.
“No.” He Luo’s response was a little stiff.
“Didn’t you say his results are very good and he’s very smart?”
“He didn’t maximise his potential.”
“So he floundered when it comes to the entrance examination. He’s indeed smart, works hard, and even has a good head on his shoulders. But education is very important.” Dad’s tone rose at the end of his sentence, sounding very earnest. He Luo frowned. “Isn’t it just a test? Is there a need to put so much importance on it?”
Everyone in the car became speechless.
*
He Luo went to Zhang Yuan’s dorm room to look for him. But before they could even say a few words to each other, Zhang Yuan’s pager began to ring non-stop. After a quick glance, he said, “My brother is looking for me. It’s urgent. I won’t take long, I’ll go and come back soon. Wait for me here. Read something, all these are from you anyway.” From the shelf, he picked The Little Prince and History of China and gave them to her. “There’s Bi Luo Chun in the drawer, it’s also something you bought. You said drinking green tea will prevent pimples but I don’t find it that way. See, other than the water I got in the bottle, everything else is from you.”
Da Gang interrupted, “Kao. Haven’t you had enough of angering us on a daily basis? We all know your Little Lady He is just awesome, she takes care you from A-Z. If you’re leaving, then just go, what are you showing off for?”
He Luo smiled as she stroked the zodiac pattern on the mug. “You’ve already incurred public anger. Hurry up and go.”
She had already read the two books Zhang Yuan gave her. Since she had rode the train all day, even if it was a bed seat, it was inevitable that her entire body would be stiff. She stretched to loosen her muscles. Da Gang thought she was bored of waiting and immediately pushed forward his laptop. “If you’re bored, you can play a game on my laptop. Zhang Yuan will be back soon, I guess someone has a problem with their laptop. He’s been really busy lately, there were many who called him to fix their laptops.”
“It’s okay, I’ll just slowly wait here.” He Luo got up and moved towards the matte silver frame sitting on the shelf. Two swans bent their elegant necks in a heart-shaped pattern to frame a picture of them last autumn. Back then, Zhang Yuan had just arrived in Beijing. His face was pale from the long travel and the passerby didn’t know how to use He Luo’s camera. For a good part of the day, the photo was still not taken. Zhang Yuan held one hand on his waist. “Classmate, I’ve already slept twice. Have we reached the Beijing station yet?” He Luo giggled. The warm autumn sunshine spilled on their faces. It was this moment that time froze: he was opening his mouth to say something, while she was smiling as bright as the sun.
Next to the frame was a Swiss army knife box atop a stack of textbooks. When she opened the box, there was a neat stack of calling cards inside. The compartment where a knife was supposed to sit was empty. She guessed he was keeping it on his person. As she returned the box back to its original position, she noticed an oil-stained sheet of paper underneath the textbooks, its sides curling. She shook her head. Looks like even guys who are handsome and neat on the outside are all dirty on the inside. She removed the textbooks and wiped each one clean, until she got to the oil-stained papers. She found the writing on it very familiar, and when she observed more closely, what she realised shock her.
By the time Zhang Yuan returned, He Luo was already sitting on his bed. He immediately understood when he saw the notebook and few sheets of paper in front of her. Da Gang thoughtfully left to go to the self-study rooms. When he was leaving, he told Zhang Yuan, “I’ve already explained to Little Lady He, it’s all Ah Xiang Po’s fault. Take your time to coax her.”
Zhang Yuan smiled, waving his hand. “It’s fine, I’ll just tell her the truth.”
There was only the two of them in the room. Zhang Yuan tried to bring up several topics, but He Luo kept her silence.
“Stop being angry. When you become angry, you’ll get wrinkles. If you become a grandma, I won’t want you anymore.” Zhang Yuan rubbed her nose and then patted her lower back. “My master, you’ve a hard time riding the train. This humble one will massage you. It’s my fault for not guarding the treasure you bestowed to me properly, but it’s not a death-worthy sin is it?”
“If it’s just a few sheets of paper then that’s fine,” He Luo said humorlessly. “Since you don’t even read them anyway. You’re just putting it there to gather dust, you might as well use them to wipe things.”
“Who said I didn’t read them? I’ve read everything.”
“Then let me test you, see how much do you remember.” He Luo raised her head.
“The greatest mystery of Taichi is that there are strokes even where there isn’t any. Have you read Zhang San Feng? It tells you to forget all methods.” Zhang Yuan tried to pull He Luo up on her feet. “Come, come, I’ll teach you beginner Taichi. See, make a hand motion as wide as a watermelon, and then pull it down like you’re wielding a knife.” He held onto He Luo’s arm, easily making Taichi motions.
“Stop playing around and listen to me seriously, okay?” He Luo removed her arm from his grasp. “You promised me you would read the material carefully.”
“I did read it carefully.”
“I really read them carefully,” Zhang Yuan repeated, grabbing the notebook. “Everything in here my lecturer has taught me. It’s almost the same as the one in your university. Don’t worry about it, I’ll read it again before the exam. Give me a month, I’ll memorise everything.”
“I know you did well in your last exam, and that every university has similar syllabus.” He Luo frowned. “But most times, exams test your attention to detail.”
“The entrance exam tests your method, but a graduate exam tests your basics.”
“Who told you so? You have never taken the exam before.” He Luo pursed her lips.
“You haven’t taken the exam either, have you?”
“I heard from someone else.”
“I also heard from someone else.” Zhang Yuan mimicked her, also pursuing his lips.
“Forget it. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He Luo smiled, a little bitterly. The two of them also heard rumours from others, there was no point arguing the accuracy of each other’s standpoint.
“Right. Are you hungry? Didn’t you say you haven’t eat lunch earlier?” Zhang Yuan sat beside her in a relaxed manner, his nose almost touching hers.
“I’m not very hungry.” He Luo was telling the truth. She has been very travel-worn, she was so tired she hadn’t had any appetite at all. Zhang Yuan can’t help but hold onto her hand, all he felt was coldness.
“Really not hungry…” Before He Luo could even finish her sentence, her mouth was sealed with Zhang Yuan’s. A lingering kiss that was even softer than a whisper.
*
When He Luo visited her relatives’ house with her parents for a family dinner, she was naturally asked if she has a boyfriend.
“Luo Luo is still so young, she has no such thoughts.”
“It’s not a hurry, not a hurry. But, He Luo, you’re at the age where you can consider about it. All the students around you are the intellectual kinds. If there’s a suitable one, you shouldn’t let him go. Your parents may not say this out loud but in their heart they won’t want to stop you. You’re at that age after all.”
“She’s still a kid, what does she know about being suitable or not.” Mom turned to look at He Luo. “You can’t even see what future has in store for you.”
Again. It was always the same nonchalant attitude. You already know we’re together. Do you think that if you don’t acknowledge it, you won’t have to face it? He Luo was stewing in quiet anger. When she met Zhang Yuan the next day, she couldn’t help but ask him, “Do you want to come to my house?”
“Why, did your family buy a big sack of rice and need a labour to carry it upstairs? Then I must stuff myself before going over,” Zhang Yuan laughed.
“I’m being serious. You haven’t officially meet my parents.”
Zhang Yuan replied, “You haven’t officially meet my parents yet either.”
“That’s because you never asked me.”
“If you feel there’s such a need, then I’ll go,” he said. “Let me go and buy some souvenir.”
“It’s not like my house is a mansion or a museum,” He Luo said.
“You know what I’m worried about.” Zhang Yuan stopped smiling. His pager started ringing. After a quick glance at the screen, he shut it off.
“Is someone looking for you?” He Luo frowned, asking, “Will helping others to fix their laptops take up a lot of your time?”
“It’s still okay. Aren’t you also tutoring someone?” Zhang Yuan said. “We’re contributing all our income to the national telephone line.”
But I don’t have to work hard and sit for a graduate exam. “It seems like you’re putting more hours in your work than I do.”
“That’s why the pay also that much higher.” Zhang Yuan took out a robotic cat toy from inside his backpack. “Look, it’s Doraemon.” When he pressed at the toy’s arm, an innocent mechanical voice rang out: I love you, I love you.
He Luo smiled, lowering her head as she played with the toy’s arm. “You know, we don’t have to call each other everyday. I also don’t need you to buy me any nice gifts. I don’t want to waste any of your energy unnecessarily.”
“You’re still thinking about the exam?” Zhang Yuan asked. “I really don’t have time lately. Besides, reading those material right now may not be helpful for me three years from now.”
He Luo couldn’t help but argue, “But you have the time to help others with their laptops…” If he helped others fix their laptops, would that bring him to Beijing? Or is it that he planned to sell electronic devices in Zhong Guan mall?
Zhang Yuan understood the underlying meaning in her words. “Not just fixing laptops. I still have something more important going on.”
What was more important than building a future?
He Luo placed the cat on the bench. “Really, how should I put it. Do you really know how to differentiate which is important and which isn’t!?”
“Then what do you want me to say?” Zhang Yuan was unhappy. “I still have things to do. I’m leaving.” He turned to leave but before he could go far, he turned around again. “Keep the Doraemon properly.”
It was actually this kind of childish request. He Luo felt helpless. “What are you worrying about? Then you keep it.”
“I’ve already given it to you. Whether you want it or not, it’s up to you.”
“Then I’ll really not take it.” He Luo was half-joking, not understanding why Zhang Yuan was being so narrow-minded on the matter.
“I won’t take it either.”
“I really won’t take it,” He Luo said, grabbing her backpack as she got up.
“Up to you.”
“You!” He Luo bit her lip and watched as Zhang Yuan turned to leave. She wanted to pick up the robotic cat but with a few pair of eyes who were watching the show observing her, she couldn’t let go of her ego to do so. She sighed deeply and left in the opposite direction.
A hazy city, endless peach blossoms. Without even knowing it, He Luo had made her way to her high school. Her alma meter was still the same as she remembered. She sat down underneath a small elm tree. Watching from the green foliage, she can clearly see the group of youth running on the basketball court. The sky gradually greyed, with larger-than-life, soft clouds that dispersed like ink. Sunlight peeked out from cracks in the clouds, a little dimly.
It was just a year.
A year ago, she was even laughing with Tian Xin, sitting here watching Zhang Yuan scoring at the court. The wind had rose to sweep his hair, sending a gust of dust as it settled on his eyelashes. His eyes were narrowed, his figure a little hazy as he jumped. But in just a moment, her heart was no longer able to soar.
She felt a cool sensation, rain was dripping from her nose down her cheek. It was actually raining. She quickly got up and ran towards the teachers’ building. As the light and sparse spring rain fell on her, she couldn’t help but remember the robotic cat on the park bench. Would there be people to adopt it or is it still there by its lonesome? No one saw it, no one bothered. After the rain cleared, perhaps it will be treated as a dirty, worn toy and thrown in the bin by the cleaners.
The more she thought it, the more her heart ached. He Luo placed her backpack atop her head and ran all the way back to the park. But there was nothing on the bench. He Luo did not give up and tried to look around. She even went to search in the bin nearby, holding her nose. She ended up still disappointed. She slumped down and was no longer concerned about avoiding the rain.
One step followed by another, she walked away. All the sweet-and-sour taste of their reunion had changed flavour. Instead of depending on each other, they had become simply accommodating of each other. From anticipating each other, they avoided each other. Once upon a time on a street in the summer, no matter how much they talked to each other, they never ran out of words. Even when there was silence, there was a sense of tacit understanding. She really wanted time to stop, so they would never change. There were so many between them that they could not face directly, there were more and more topics that were forbidden to touch upon, silence became awkward. As soon as they stopped talking, it was as if their hearts were gradually growing further and further apart.
He Luo hugged the backpack in her arms, pressing it against her chest so it would not twist.
“That female student! Ay, don’t go, I’m calling you.” A middle-aged lady called from under an umbrella, shouting.
He Luo turned around. In her surprise, her tears fell.
Hugging the robotic cat in her arms, she rushed home. The thing was completely drenched from the rain. He Luo wiped her face dry and then washed the cat with washing powder. Suddenly remembering that the cat was the kind that can emit voices, remembering that it was likely an electronic device, she quickly took it out from the water. She tried to press on the arm. There was indeed something in the cat’s soft belly, but it wasn’t the box-shaped battery container. When she probed further, she found that it was a velvet-covered jewelry box.
When she opened it, a silver ring fell on her palm. It was simple and smooth, without any modifications to the metal. He Luo tightly held the ring in her hand, feeling the rounded shape of the ring as sharp as a knife to her heart.
*
The cold weather gradually warmed. After two days of rain, spring breeze began to pick up again, sweeping the leaves on the elm trees. The city became alive as the holidays neared its end. He Luo’s train was in the evening. She had to leave after packing but her heart was uneasy the entire time. She couldn’t resist giving Zhang Yuan a call, she wanted to see him once more before leaving. Zhang Yuan’s tone was neither warm nor cold. “Oh. Just say, where are you.”
Her parents’ car was parked outside the provincial university. He Luo ran all the way across the street. The wind outside Zhang Yuan’s dorm was fiercer than ever and she saw he was only dressed in a thin khaki-coloured sweater.
“Why are you not more warmly dressed?” He Luo asked.
“You hurriedly made a call and rushed me to come down,” Zhang Yuan replied quietly. “I don’t dare to go against your imperial edict.”
“If you didn’t want to come, then forget it.” He Luo giggled. “Then I won’t let you see.”
“What’s there to see?”
“Look!” He Luo extended her left hand. “It’s nice, isn’t it!”
“You’re being proud of your claws again…” Before he finished, his eyes brightened.
The silver ring was framing her delicate middle finger.
“Is it left hand?” Zhang Yuan desperately tried to suppress a smile. “Why do I remember it as being the right hand?”
“How can I wear a ring by myself on my right hand?” He Luo opened her palm, showing him.
“Isn’t it the same whoever puts it on? Silly.” Zhang Yuan faintly made a ‘heng’ sound, but still removed the ring from her finger and placed it on the fourth finger on her right hand.
“Wrong, wrong!” He Luo cried. “It’s the middle finger. Courtship and engagement ring goes to the middle finger, that’s the wedding ring finger.”
“I’m not wrong.” Zhang Yuan laughed out loud. “You’re the one who made me wear it for you. You’re already going back on your word now?”
He Luo hit him.
The two of them laughed, hugged, and kissed. None of them wanted to be the first to let go, because they both know, they must not let go.
[illustration by No-eul]
The ring on my finger can’t prevent the wilting of love
Who can tell me
How can I hold onto this affection
―Gigi Leung (“Ring”)
*
After classes commenced, Ah Xiang Po aka Wu Jiang came back to campus with two bottles of chilli sauce he brought from home. “My mom makes the most authentic sauce, hehe.” A thick layer of red oil floated above the sauce, almost seeping out from the bottle cover.
“Hurry up and pour it out!” Yang Jie Kang loudly said. “You’ve been shaking it so much the oil is going to come out.”
Wu Jiang grabbed a few sheets of paper sitting on the shelf and hummed, “In this world only mother is good…” as he wiped the mouth of the bottle lovingly. “Ah, what a pity, what a pity.” He cleaned the bottle. “My mother burned through the night to prepare this for me.”
“Just see how interesting Ah Xiang Po’s family is, to send two bottles of chilli sauce all the way here on a 40-hour train ride,” Zhang Yuan laughed. Both his and He Luo’s dorm rooms have just installed a phone. Every day, the 10 to 11 pm is their unmissable love hour.
“Ah, a parent’s worry travel a thousand miles,” He Luo said. “My mom is also like that. Whenever she sends me off, she would pack me so many things I can’t even carry. The place I’m going to is Beijing but she keeps thinking it’s the great wilderness of her time.”
“That I haven’t experienced. I spend every weekend lazily at home. Even when I want to help, my mom would throw me out of the kitchen like she’s swatting away a fly.”
“She’s afraid you’ll break all the bowls in the house.” He Luo squatted in the corridor, eyes rolled upwards towards the ceiling. “Or that you’ll burn the kitchen down. If my memory is correct, there’s a certain someone who tried to secretly cook an egg as a child and end up causing the oiled pan to catch fire…”
“You’re mocking me! Go and stand at a corner, I’ll punish you to stand there!” Zhang Yuan said fiercely, then chuckled. “Burning my kitchen down, breaking my house’s bowl, all that is better than making a fool of myself in your house.”
“Ah, my house?”
“My mom always complained about the girlfriend of so-and-so, how she breaks things even when she’s trying to help. I don’t want your parents to have that kind of impression of me,” he said.
He Luo laughed out loud. “So silly, you’re stealing my lines. Whatever about cooking or cleaning, I’m the one who should be worried about it. You’re not my family’s daughter, why do you need to go into the kitchen for?”
“Right. You’re my family’s precious daughter,” Zhang Yuan smiled. “Isn’t that right?”
“Then you’re my family’s little labour,” He Luo retorted. “Little labour, go and help my dad harvest rice one day! A bag of rice, and then another bag of flour.”
“Your dad is such a big leader, with so many brothers under him. Does he still need me?”
“They’re not my boyfriend. Then are you going or not?”
“I... “ Zhang Yuan’s heart carried a hint of lingering fear. “I’m a little afraid of your dad. He looks particularly majestic.”
“Majestic?” He Luo burst out laughing. “My father’s students back then are all disrespectful [in a joking manner] with him. Whatever top ten teachers competitions, he’ll definitely be ranked as the most gentle teacher!”
“But those students would bring this and that to visit your dad, none of them will take anything from him,” Zhang Yuan said. “But I’m a wolf who stole the precious pearl in his palm, even causing you not to go to America. Has your dad cooled his anger in these two years?”
“He’s okay now,” she replied. “I wrote a letter home a few days ago, it’s like high pressure water gun. As soon as they read it, their tears begin gushing.”
“What did you write? What’s so touching?” Zhang Yuan asked. “Let me read and learn from it. If my mom is touched, maybe she’ll increase my allowance.”
“Just be cute with them,” He Luo answered simply. “Thinking about it, they must have missed us.”
“I also missed you. Why aren’t you being cute with me?” he asked.
“You’re not even by my sideee. I’m aloneeee every day, even when I’m carrying water and riceee. I’m so loneeely, how can I practice being cuteeee.” He Luo took on an exaggerated Taiwanese slang, her mouth pouty and tone a little whiny. She couldn’t stand her own voice and goosebumps broke all over. Tong Jia Ying who had just walked out of the bedroom happened to hear. She nearly dropped the basin she was carrying, and her eyes and mouths were rounder than usual.
“I’m starting to play the pendulum [bored out of my mind],” Zhang Yuan said.
“Everyone in my dorm is playing,” He Luo giggled.
After putting down the phone, Zhang Yuan thought of He Luo’s cutesy voice. His scalp tingled as he shivered a little, but he couldn’t help but want to laugh. He looked up to see the ball of scrunched paper on top of the table and, recognising the familiar writing on it, can’t help but be furious. “Ah Xiang -Wu Jiang, get your ass here!” He carefully flattened the paper and saw the translucent red stain from the chilli sauce on it.
“Big boss, I’m not the one who said that earlier!” Ah Xiang Po panicked, trying to come up with an excuse. “It’s Da Gang who said you sound like a greasy, kept man.”
“Kao!” Zhang Yuan slammed the table. “This first! Can you see what this is, hmm?”
“It’s just some class notes, who will take a closer look! Besides it doesn’t even belong to any of us.” Ah Xiang Po walked over to glance at the paper before hurriedly returning to his original spot, maintaining a safe distance from Zhang Yuan. “Such delicate writing, how feminine.”
“That’s my woman’s writing.” Zhang Yuan’s heart ached.
He Luo had spent an incredible amount of effort to collect information on the graduate school examination. Cai Man Xin only managed to borrow the test-takers’ notes on the final day before the winter vacation. “They finished the exams today and had already gone out to celebrate,” Cai Man Xin told her, a little apologetic.
He Luo took the train the next afternoon. Worried that the printing centre would shorten its business hours during the holidays and would open doors late, she steeled her heart and burned the midnight oil to copy an entire semester’s principles of economics notes by hand.
“What’s the hurry?” Zhang Yuan had asked. “You can just photocopy it slowly, or wait until the next semester.”
“Won’t I have to trouble the person the next semester again? If you can get the notes early, you’ll be able to prepare earlier.” He Luo showed him the sides of her hand, they were covered in light, shiny sheen. “And besides these notes are written by myself. If you read my writing everyday, isn’t that like me revising with you everyday?”
“Look at how smug you are,” Zhang Yuan smiled and held onto her hand, kissing her little finger.
He Luo advised him to study the material carefully since the courses may be different coming from different universities. After reading some of the past year tests, he saw that there was not much difference from what he was being taught here. So the material became a souvenir to him, not something to be neglected, and certainly not something to be used like a tablecloth. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He had to sit down and cool himself.
“Don’t be like that. A wife is like a cloth, a brother is like a limb, isn’t it?” Ah Xiang Po immediately turned away. In his opinion, northeast boys would really cut you down if they want to. Their local speciality was the underworld.
Zhang Yuan angrily snorted and hurriedly put away the rest of the notes.
*
He Luo had just found a job as a tutor, working four hours a week. Beijing in spring-time invited all sorts of dust and wind, travelling by train took her about forty minutes. By the time she returned to her dorm, she could practically peel the sand off her face. But with a new monthly income of 400 yuan, her heart sung like a bird.
The parents earnestly told their child to do their homework seriously, even preparing fruit and tea. But the moment they walked away, the child would pull onto He Luo’s sleeve and talk to her about [drama character] Xiao Yan Zhi’s big eyes. Once the topic was brought up, perhaps they would only waste three to five minutes, but it would soon develop out of control. If the parents push the door open to check on them, the little girl would immediately change her tune. “Teacher He, see if what I just said was correct?”
He Luo hesitated. She didn’t want to help the child to block her parents’ anger, neither did she want her to be scolded. She really felt helpless against the naughty little thing but she didn’t want to lose the job. Ever since a phone was installed in her dorm, her monthly expenses rose to an extra one hundred. Dad was not at all stingy with her allowance, but using her family’s money to buy calling cards but not to call them, it made her feel uneasy.
Further, Zhang Yuan’s birthday was coming up. She already had her eye on a present and began saving up to buy it for him.
“Ah, a Swiss army knife,” Tian Xin said. “Boys really do like this kind of things, but this one has a really odd function. It can be used as a machete, a compass, and a fishing line.”
He Luo replied, “This is the classic version of the Rambo series. Every time we pass by the mall, this is what he’s looking at.”
Tian Xin pursued her lips. “Ah? This looks more like something Robinson Crusoe would use.”
He Luo laughed. “I also said that to him once.” Seeing that Tian Xin wanted to continue to study the knife, she immediately stopped her. “Forget it. Don’t break the knife, you can only twist it 90 degrees. If you break it, both you and I will be anxious.” She grabbed a flannel cloth and wiped away their fingerprints on it. She placed it back in its holster and back into its matte leather box lined with black velvet. Putting it down, He Luo thought of Zhang Yuan’s surprised expression when he would receive this gift. She imagined how he would subtly tell others that, “My girlfriend gifted me this.” She really couldn’t help her happy smile.
“Ah, let me play, let me play with it.” Tian Xin laid on He Luo’s bed, hugging the quilt as she faked sobbing noises. “This woman, treating your man as more important than your friends. I’m not even worth a useless knife.”
He Luo laughed. “Exactly. It’ll be hard to even sell you off for a few hundred yuan. Whoever spends money to buy you is buying suffering. Who has the money to feed you this little mistress?”
“Sheesh. It’s just that you’re not aware of my gentleness.” Tian Xin rolled her eyes. “Naturally someone praised me saying I’m gentle and considerate, a virtuous woman.” No matter how He Luo asked, she refused to elaborate. He Luo was rushing to send her letter and didn’t have the luxury of time to hassle her further. “Wait for me to return, I’ll start your interrogation.”
*
The consequence of happiness was being absolutely broke. After paying the bill, Zhang Yuan looked at the table full of empty dishes and said, “Do you all have worms in your stomachs? Every single one of you are like a born-again hungry ghost.”
“I-I know-know… b-big boss lately has a lot of m-m-money to spend…” Da Gang’s tongue was knotted. “B-but you’re more and more forceful(?).”
“Exactly, exactly. You have been taking more part-time jobs lately but this is your first bloodletting,” Ah Xiang Po said, still clear-headed.
“Kao. Am I making money to feed you guys?” Zhang Yuan laughed. “I might as well go to the farms in Jiangbei to rear pigs.”
“You can feed a little wife,” Ah Xiang Po added.
Da Gang extended his wide palm to high-five him. “T-There’s still Little Lady He.”
Ah Xiang Po asked, “Why don’t I see that Cao Cao girl around here lately? She didn’t even show up for your birthday. That girl is not bad, why don’t you introduce her to me?”
“If you really want to, go and ask Chocolate,” Zhang Yuan replied. “I’m not close to her.”
“I still want to live a few more days.” Ah Xiang Po shook her head. “Big boss, you say you’re not close to her but that person doesn’t think that way. We already have scarce resources here, but because of you, there’s even wastage. There are quite a few girls who blossom when they look at you. You either ask He jie trample on all of them, or you invite us to eat.”
“Eat, eat, eat. Sooner or later there’ll be a stamp on your body saying ‘Safe to eat.’”
“You’re the one with the stamp!” Ah Xiang Po handed him the aluminium can. “Goods have been sold out.”
Zhang Yuan took the can, fingering the cover ring on it. “I’ll give you the stamp. I have other arrangements.”
*
On Labour Day, He Luo and Tian Xin returned to their hometown. The atmosphere there picked up about a month later than in Beijing, the willow were just beginning to blossom flowers and the streets were scented with the smell of fresh leaves. Every breath they took felt refreshing and clear.
Mom and Dad went to the station to pick up He Luo, so did Tian Xin’s parents. She made a face at He Luo. “Look at how bright and energetic I am, in comparison to your gloomy and sad face. Even if you want to see a certain someone, you should be able to be patient through this moment. Just find an opportunity to go out. Just say I dragged you out for shopping.”
Inside the car, Mom asked, “Tian Xin this girl is still so cheerful. Does she have a boyfriend?”
“Should be considered no.”
“If she has one, then she has one. How can you say ‘considered’?”
“Just an ambiguous relationship, I suppose. One person pushing, one person pulling.” He Luo laughed. “Do you say it’s considered as a proper relationship or not?”
“Then what about you? Do you consider to have a boyfriend or not?” Mom asked nonchalantly. “If you have one, then bring him to mom and dad to take a look.”
“What do you think?” He Luo laughed lightly. “Dad has already met him.”
“It’s still the same one?” Dad turned around to ask.
He Luo retorted, “Then who else is there?”
“It’s good that you’re still together! We were worried that there’s any changes in your relationship since it’s been so long and you hasn’t bring him home yet,” Mom immediately added. “We were worried you kids are not stable enough, breaking up as fast as you got together.”
“Our relationship is not a game,” He Luo said hesitantly.
“Is he at Tsinghua?” Dad suddenly asked.
“No.” He Luo’s response was a little stiff.
“Didn’t you say his results are very good and he’s very smart?”
“He didn’t maximise his potential.”
“So he floundered when it comes to the entrance examination. He’s indeed smart, works hard, and even has a good head on his shoulders. But education is very important.” Dad’s tone rose at the end of his sentence, sounding very earnest. He Luo frowned. “Isn’t it just a test? Is there a need to put so much importance on it?”
Everyone in the car became speechless.
*
He Luo went to Zhang Yuan’s dorm room to look for him. But before they could even say a few words to each other, Zhang Yuan’s pager began to ring non-stop. After a quick glance, he said, “My brother is looking for me. It’s urgent. I won’t take long, I’ll go and come back soon. Wait for me here. Read something, all these are from you anyway.” From the shelf, he picked The Little Prince and History of China and gave them to her. “There’s Bi Luo Chun in the drawer, it’s also something you bought. You said drinking green tea will prevent pimples but I don’t find it that way. See, other than the water I got in the bottle, everything else is from you.”
Da Gang interrupted, “Kao. Haven’t you had enough of angering us on a daily basis? We all know your Little Lady He is just awesome, she takes care you from A-Z. If you’re leaving, then just go, what are you showing off for?”
He Luo smiled as she stroked the zodiac pattern on the mug. “You’ve already incurred public anger. Hurry up and go.”
She had already read the two books Zhang Yuan gave her. Since she had rode the train all day, even if it was a bed seat, it was inevitable that her entire body would be stiff. She stretched to loosen her muscles. Da Gang thought she was bored of waiting and immediately pushed forward his laptop. “If you’re bored, you can play a game on my laptop. Zhang Yuan will be back soon, I guess someone has a problem with their laptop. He’s been really busy lately, there were many who called him to fix their laptops.”
“It’s okay, I’ll just slowly wait here.” He Luo got up and moved towards the matte silver frame sitting on the shelf. Two swans bent their elegant necks in a heart-shaped pattern to frame a picture of them last autumn. Back then, Zhang Yuan had just arrived in Beijing. His face was pale from the long travel and the passerby didn’t know how to use He Luo’s camera. For a good part of the day, the photo was still not taken. Zhang Yuan held one hand on his waist. “Classmate, I’ve already slept twice. Have we reached the Beijing station yet?” He Luo giggled. The warm autumn sunshine spilled on their faces. It was this moment that time froze: he was opening his mouth to say something, while she was smiling as bright as the sun.
Next to the frame was a Swiss army knife box atop a stack of textbooks. When she opened the box, there was a neat stack of calling cards inside. The compartment where a knife was supposed to sit was empty. She guessed he was keeping it on his person. As she returned the box back to its original position, she noticed an oil-stained sheet of paper underneath the textbooks, its sides curling. She shook her head. Looks like even guys who are handsome and neat on the outside are all dirty on the inside. She removed the textbooks and wiped each one clean, until she got to the oil-stained papers. She found the writing on it very familiar, and when she observed more closely, what she realised shock her.
By the time Zhang Yuan returned, He Luo was already sitting on his bed. He immediately understood when he saw the notebook and few sheets of paper in front of her. Da Gang thoughtfully left to go to the self-study rooms. When he was leaving, he told Zhang Yuan, “I’ve already explained to Little Lady He, it’s all Ah Xiang Po’s fault. Take your time to coax her.”
Zhang Yuan smiled, waving his hand. “It’s fine, I’ll just tell her the truth.”
There was only the two of them in the room. Zhang Yuan tried to bring up several topics, but He Luo kept her silence.
“Stop being angry. When you become angry, you’ll get wrinkles. If you become a grandma, I won’t want you anymore.” Zhang Yuan rubbed her nose and then patted her lower back. “My master, you’ve a hard time riding the train. This humble one will massage you. It’s my fault for not guarding the treasure you bestowed to me properly, but it’s not a death-worthy sin is it?”
“If it’s just a few sheets of paper then that’s fine,” He Luo said humorlessly. “Since you don’t even read them anyway. You’re just putting it there to gather dust, you might as well use them to wipe things.”
“Who said I didn’t read them? I’ve read everything.”
“Then let me test you, see how much do you remember.” He Luo raised her head.
“The greatest mystery of Taichi is that there are strokes even where there isn’t any. Have you read Zhang San Feng? It tells you to forget all methods.” Zhang Yuan tried to pull He Luo up on her feet. “Come, come, I’ll teach you beginner Taichi. See, make a hand motion as wide as a watermelon, and then pull it down like you’re wielding a knife.” He held onto He Luo’s arm, easily making Taichi motions.
“Stop playing around and listen to me seriously, okay?” He Luo removed her arm from his grasp. “You promised me you would read the material carefully.”
“I did read it carefully.”
“I really read them carefully,” Zhang Yuan repeated, grabbing the notebook. “Everything in here my lecturer has taught me. It’s almost the same as the one in your university. Don’t worry about it, I’ll read it again before the exam. Give me a month, I’ll memorise everything.”
“I know you did well in your last exam, and that every university has similar syllabus.” He Luo frowned. “But most times, exams test your attention to detail.”
“The entrance exam tests your method, but a graduate exam tests your basics.”
“Who told you so? You have never taken the exam before.” He Luo pursed her lips.
“You haven’t taken the exam either, have you?”
“I heard from someone else.”
“I also heard from someone else.” Zhang Yuan mimicked her, also pursuing his lips.
“Forget it. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He Luo smiled, a little bitterly. The two of them also heard rumours from others, there was no point arguing the accuracy of each other’s standpoint.
“Right. Are you hungry? Didn’t you say you haven’t eat lunch earlier?” Zhang Yuan sat beside her in a relaxed manner, his nose almost touching hers.
“I’m not very hungry.” He Luo was telling the truth. She has been very travel-worn, she was so tired she hadn’t had any appetite at all. Zhang Yuan can’t help but hold onto her hand, all he felt was coldness.
“Really not hungry…” Before He Luo could even finish her sentence, her mouth was sealed with Zhang Yuan’s. A lingering kiss that was even softer than a whisper.
*
When He Luo visited her relatives’ house with her parents for a family dinner, she was naturally asked if she has a boyfriend.
“Luo Luo is still so young, she has no such thoughts.”
“It’s not a hurry, not a hurry. But, He Luo, you’re at the age where you can consider about it. All the students around you are the intellectual kinds. If there’s a suitable one, you shouldn’t let him go. Your parents may not say this out loud but in their heart they won’t want to stop you. You’re at that age after all.”
“She’s still a kid, what does she know about being suitable or not.” Mom turned to look at He Luo. “You can’t even see what future has in store for you.”
Again. It was always the same nonchalant attitude. You already know we’re together. Do you think that if you don’t acknowledge it, you won’t have to face it? He Luo was stewing in quiet anger. When she met Zhang Yuan the next day, she couldn’t help but ask him, “Do you want to come to my house?”
“Why, did your family buy a big sack of rice and need a labour to carry it upstairs? Then I must stuff myself before going over,” Zhang Yuan laughed.
“I’m being serious. You haven’t officially meet my parents.”
Zhang Yuan replied, “You haven’t officially meet my parents yet either.”
“That’s because you never asked me.”
“If you feel there’s such a need, then I’ll go,” he said. “Let me go and buy some souvenir.”
“It’s not like my house is a mansion or a museum,” He Luo said.
“You know what I’m worried about.” Zhang Yuan stopped smiling. His pager started ringing. After a quick glance at the screen, he shut it off.
“Is someone looking for you?” He Luo frowned, asking, “Will helping others to fix their laptops take up a lot of your time?”
“It’s still okay. Aren’t you also tutoring someone?” Zhang Yuan said. “We’re contributing all our income to the national telephone line.”
But I don’t have to work hard and sit for a graduate exam. “It seems like you’re putting more hours in your work than I do.”
“That’s why the pay also that much higher.” Zhang Yuan took out a robotic cat toy from inside his backpack. “Look, it’s Doraemon.” When he pressed at the toy’s arm, an innocent mechanical voice rang out: I love you, I love you.
He Luo smiled, lowering her head as she played with the toy’s arm. “You know, we don’t have to call each other everyday. I also don’t need you to buy me any nice gifts. I don’t want to waste any of your energy unnecessarily.”
“You’re still thinking about the exam?” Zhang Yuan asked. “I really don’t have time lately. Besides, reading those material right now may not be helpful for me three years from now.”
He Luo couldn’t help but argue, “But you have the time to help others with their laptops…” If he helped others fix their laptops, would that bring him to Beijing? Or is it that he planned to sell electronic devices in Zhong Guan mall?
Zhang Yuan understood the underlying meaning in her words. “Not just fixing laptops. I still have something more important going on.”
What was more important than building a future?
He Luo placed the cat on the bench. “Really, how should I put it. Do you really know how to differentiate which is important and which isn’t!?”
“Then what do you want me to say?” Zhang Yuan was unhappy. “I still have things to do. I’m leaving.” He turned to leave but before he could go far, he turned around again. “Keep the Doraemon properly.”
It was actually this kind of childish request. He Luo felt helpless. “What are you worrying about? Then you keep it.”
“I’ve already given it to you. Whether you want it or not, it’s up to you.”
“Then I’ll really not take it.” He Luo was half-joking, not understanding why Zhang Yuan was being so narrow-minded on the matter.
“I won’t take it either.”
“I really won’t take it,” He Luo said, grabbing her backpack as she got up.
“Up to you.”
“You!” He Luo bit her lip and watched as Zhang Yuan turned to leave. She wanted to pick up the robotic cat but with a few pair of eyes who were watching the show observing her, she couldn’t let go of her ego to do so. She sighed deeply and left in the opposite direction.
A hazy city, endless peach blossoms. Without even knowing it, He Luo had made her way to her high school. Her alma meter was still the same as she remembered. She sat down underneath a small elm tree. Watching from the green foliage, she can clearly see the group of youth running on the basketball court. The sky gradually greyed, with larger-than-life, soft clouds that dispersed like ink. Sunlight peeked out from cracks in the clouds, a little dimly.
It was just a year.
A year ago, she was even laughing with Tian Xin, sitting here watching Zhang Yuan scoring at the court. The wind had rose to sweep his hair, sending a gust of dust as it settled on his eyelashes. His eyes were narrowed, his figure a little hazy as he jumped. But in just a moment, her heart was no longer able to soar.
She felt a cool sensation, rain was dripping from her nose down her cheek. It was actually raining. She quickly got up and ran towards the teachers’ building. As the light and sparse spring rain fell on her, she couldn’t help but remember the robotic cat on the park bench. Would there be people to adopt it or is it still there by its lonesome? No one saw it, no one bothered. After the rain cleared, perhaps it will be treated as a dirty, worn toy and thrown in the bin by the cleaners.
The more she thought it, the more her heart ached. He Luo placed her backpack atop her head and ran all the way back to the park. But there was nothing on the bench. He Luo did not give up and tried to look around. She even went to search in the bin nearby, holding her nose. She ended up still disappointed. She slumped down and was no longer concerned about avoiding the rain.
One step followed by another, she walked away. All the sweet-and-sour taste of their reunion had changed flavour. Instead of depending on each other, they had become simply accommodating of each other. From anticipating each other, they avoided each other. Once upon a time on a street in the summer, no matter how much they talked to each other, they never ran out of words. Even when there was silence, there was a sense of tacit understanding. She really wanted time to stop, so they would never change. There were so many between them that they could not face directly, there were more and more topics that were forbidden to touch upon, silence became awkward. As soon as they stopped talking, it was as if their hearts were gradually growing further and further apart.
He Luo hugged the backpack in her arms, pressing it against her chest so it would not twist.
“That female student! Ay, don’t go, I’m calling you.” A middle-aged lady called from under an umbrella, shouting.
He Luo turned around. In her surprise, her tears fell.
Hugging the robotic cat in her arms, she rushed home. The thing was completely drenched from the rain. He Luo wiped her face dry and then washed the cat with washing powder. Suddenly remembering that the cat was the kind that can emit voices, remembering that it was likely an electronic device, she quickly took it out from the water. She tried to press on the arm. There was indeed something in the cat’s soft belly, but it wasn’t the box-shaped battery container. When she probed further, she found that it was a velvet-covered jewelry box.
When she opened it, a silver ring fell on her palm. It was simple and smooth, without any modifications to the metal. He Luo tightly held the ring in her hand, feeling the rounded shape of the ring as sharp as a knife to her heart.
*
The cold weather gradually warmed. After two days of rain, spring breeze began to pick up again, sweeping the leaves on the elm trees. The city became alive as the holidays neared its end. He Luo’s train was in the evening. She had to leave after packing but her heart was uneasy the entire time. She couldn’t resist giving Zhang Yuan a call, she wanted to see him once more before leaving. Zhang Yuan’s tone was neither warm nor cold. “Oh. Just say, where are you.”
Her parents’ car was parked outside the provincial university. He Luo ran all the way across the street. The wind outside Zhang Yuan’s dorm was fiercer than ever and she saw he was only dressed in a thin khaki-coloured sweater.
“Why are you not more warmly dressed?” He Luo asked.
“You hurriedly made a call and rushed me to come down,” Zhang Yuan replied quietly. “I don’t dare to go against your imperial edict.”
“If you didn’t want to come, then forget it.” He Luo giggled. “Then I won’t let you see.”
“What’s there to see?”
“Look!” He Luo extended her left hand. “It’s nice, isn’t it!”
“You’re being proud of your claws again…” Before he finished, his eyes brightened.
The silver ring was framing her delicate middle finger.
“Is it left hand?” Zhang Yuan desperately tried to suppress a smile. “Why do I remember it as being the right hand?”
“How can I wear a ring by myself on my right hand?” He Luo opened her palm, showing him.
“Isn’t it the same whoever puts it on? Silly.” Zhang Yuan faintly made a ‘heng’ sound, but still removed the ring from her finger and placed it on the fourth finger on her right hand.
“Wrong, wrong!” He Luo cried. “It’s the middle finger. Courtship and engagement ring goes to the middle finger, that’s the wedding ring finger.”
“I’m not wrong.” Zhang Yuan laughed out loud. “You’re the one who made me wear it for you. You’re already going back on your word now?”
He Luo hit him.
The two of them laughed, hugged, and kissed. None of them wanted to be the first to let go, because they both know, they must not let go.
[illustration by No-eul]
