Life.
When he suddenly introduced such a heavy concept, things grew even more ominous, and I stared at the thing in my hand.
Just a rock, smooth and red.
‘Life’, he said. I couldn’t help but see blood in its red hue.
And the size.
My knowledge didn’t amount to much, but I did know, for starters, that these stones came in different sizes. In that case, what about life determines how big the stone is?
Trying to imagine it made me feel like I was peering into a deep abyss, one that man was never meant to comprehend. I shivered.
“Life. Or, perhaps, the soul. As for what exactly those are, let us leave that to the philosophers for now. It’s unclear whether the method of refinement numbers among the mysteries of the Schola Magorum, but it’s well-known among authorities in the field that it’s the life force of flora and fauna.”
“Life force… So they’re made with something like that.”
Using life as a component.
I think that might be verging on a universal taboo. If such a thing exists.
“It might seem that way, but don’t we usually live by consuming the lives of other creatures? For an easy comparison, think of the meat on the dinner table. Some animal was robbed of its life to put that there.”
Regnum’s eyes stared at me without moving, something like exasperation flickering in their depths. Or, perhaps, contempt.
Come to think of it, that’s certainly true. It’s almost too obvious, but we’ve always lived by stealing the lives of others. It’s impossible to live in the first place without doing so. I don’t think there’s anything especially sinful about it. It’s just how the world works.
But while I agree with that, I find the thought of using life like an ingredient for a recipe unsettling.
We take lives so that we can eat. But if it were possible to feed ourselves without killing, then maybe we would have no need to kill.
Especially because taking lives isn’t the point.
However, ‘using life as an ingredient’ sounds like taking lives is the point. Is it fine for me to just write this off as wordplay?
I looked at the invocation stone. This [life] — just what kind of life is it?
“And? Why are you giving this to me?”
Fuzzy as it was, I did know a little about invocation stones.
But I couldn’t see what purpose it served to give it to me. With this in his possession, what is Regnum telling me to do?
“Well… If I had to say, it’s just a precaution. You are capable of using magic, aren’t you?”
If I had to say.
Upon hearing the words following that stilted phrase, I sucked in a sharp breath.
…At the very least, he knew I could use something akin to magic.
The source of his information —
“As for why I know you can use magic, it was obvious from my inspection of Guibenague’s mansion, that’s all. That damage could not have been the result of anything other than magic, no?”
“……”
When Regnum practically nailed what I was thinking, my face stiffened.
He continued, his stare fixed on me.
“If I had to say, you tend to be overly conscious about it. From what I said just now, you’re no doubt considering where I acquired this information, and whether it’s reached Lord Leon, isn’t that so? In that case, you are worried to have one of these in your possession again. That will surely have consequences that wouldn’t make Lord Leon too happy, no…? Well, it’s a small issue, but I will tell you this once.”
Not one word out of line.
So what? What’s he saying? What —
“What do you want to say?”
Feeling unpleasantly like he was looking right at the inside of my brain, I managed to squeeze out my question.
“That I would like it if you would believe in Lord Leon.”
“…Something like that…”
You’re saying this now?
I swallowed the words back just before they could spill out.
It wasn’t like I didn’t believe in him. But it was pretty embarrassing for this man — this man who seemed to have seen through everything — to say it to me so bluntly.
Yeah, it was a little late to say something like that.
I’ve already doubted Leon so many times. I doubted him and doubted him, and now, here I am.
From that point of view, the time to say it is long past. Now, I all but trust him unconditionally. If he’s fooling me, I have to give it to him: it’s a masterpiece of deception. But even though that can’t be helped, I’ve already been swayed.
Leon had revealed so much of his feelings to me that I’d been convinced.
So I, too, have to answer in kind.
“…Well, okay? I’ll take care of it. Anyway, thanks for the marshmallows. My day-night cycle’s going to get all messed up, so I’m going to do my best to sleep.”
Forcing an end to our conversation, I stood up from my seat by the bonfire.
It wasn’t a problem for me to stay up until morning,
but I basically had nothing to do but be jolted around in the carriage. I had a feeling that if I flipped my days and nights around, I’d never go back to normal. Right now, I’d been given this much slack already; I didn’t want to get any lazier. 1
“…That’s fine. People should sleep at night. Besides, they say a good night’s sleep is important for a woman’s skin.”
“That’s none of your business, you know.”
I didn’t know if Regnum knew everything about my true nature.
Well, he probably already did. If not, I couldn’t think of a way to [investigate] it.
I imagine that the contents of the investigation would come close to the entire truth about my identity, so based on that assumption, it didn’t seem like his assignment could possibly end before he uncovered the fact that I used to be different.
At least, if I were to take that request, it would be impossible for me to complete it without that information coming to light.
Even if I found a way, wouldn’t the investigation only turn up ambiguous results from that point on? I could easily imagine it. So it seemed impossible to me that Leon hadn’t taken that into account.
Come to think of it, there were now five people who knew my true nature. Leon, Aira, Palmira, Irene, and Regnum.
I didn’t think it was a bad thing that they knew. But even if I put aside my shame for the time being, now that I was going to get involved with high society, I’d be in deep shit if it spread.
I looked at Regnum. Perhaps losing interest in me once I stood up, he stayed by the fire, motionless.
Since he was an officer of the intelligence service, he wouldn’t let slip any other information he had so easily. I didn’t trust him personally, but I could count on that.
Besides, Leon was fully aware of the fact when he made the request, so I had no reason to worry.
Even though Regnum was a separate matter, it seemed that from here on, I should exercise as much discretion as possible when it came to telling people about my true nature. If I were to blab about it like I did with Irene, then I, as well as whoever I told, could be in danger.
At that point, I thought about Irene. Where did she run off to now? She wasn’t with this group, I knew at least that much.
I should talk to Leon about it, I think.
—?
Suddenly, I felt a tingling on the back of my neck. Touching the spot with my hand, I scanned the surroundings.
The feeling was faint, and it wouldn’t bother me under normal circumstances.
But at the same time, Regnum, who hadn’t made a move until this point, looked around in just the same way. Seeing that, I couldn’t simply overlook what I otherwise would have dismissed as my imagination.
What the hell was that?
“Something wrong?”
I asked Regnum, unable to identify the source of my unease.
Maybe it was the sound of my voice, but Regnum stopped looking around. He fixed me with his stare before lapsing into thought.
“You don’t know?”
“What?”
Ask me all you like, but I asked you because I don’t know. That’s all I got for you.
“Just now, I detected a presence. What, I don’t know, of course, but someone was watching us… I’m repeating myself, but you truly didn’t know?”
As he spoke, Regnum got to his feet and went to rouse the soldiers sleeping nearby. Several of them woke up with just a light shake. When they asked, “Is something wrong?”, Regnum told them it was just in case.
While I watched them, I pondered the meaning of Regnum’s words.
‘You didn’t know?’
I know. There’s no way I wouldn’t.
If there’s something out there, it’s impossible for me not to know.
Why? Because countless times on the battlefield, in the labyrinths, I’ve felt that [presence].
In simple terms, a [bad feeling].
The intuition that’s saved me time and time again, I expect.
I felt it, yet I didn’t realize until Regnum pointed it out to me.
Have my senses dulled? Has getting used to the safety of being under Leon’s protection made me careless?
It’s easy to think so. It has the ring of truth.
But is that really all there is to it?
“For now, I believe it best for you to return to the carriage… Keyes. Warren. Escort the Princess back to the carriage. After that, tell Rupert at the vanguard to be on the alert.”
While I was deep in thought, Regnum issued orders to two of the soldiers he woke up, leaving me no room to argue.
I thought he was going to excessive lengths ‘just in case’, but given the lapse in my awareness earlier, I wasn’t qualified to object.
“Well then, Princess, shall we?”
“Ah, alright…”
Urged on by the two soldiers, who were already armed with swords despite having just woken up, I started to walk while still feeling perplexed. I took a look around me, but I couldn’t sense anything anymore. Is it just that I’m unable detect it? Or —
I had the feeling that I’d lost my edge, but ultimately, what was that presence? Thinking back on it now, it was a gaze. I realize that the sensation I felt was that of being watched.
The monsters living in these mountains, or something else?
…Well, thinking about it now isn’t going to do me any good.
Once I reached the carriage, I sincerely thanked the soldiers and parted ways with them.
For some reason, I found their reaction to being thanked rather strange, but when I opened the door and saw Aira and Palmira sleeping like logs, I decided to do my best to forget about it.
In the end, nothing happened that day.
–
–
“What is that! What is that — ! Big Sister, that sweet smell!”
Perhaps because I forgot my hunger, when I returned to the carriage and lay down, it wasn’t long before I fell asleep.
Then, in the morning, I woke up to Aira pestering me.
Palmira didn’t say anything, but she silently turned up the pressure on me. ‘Confess’. The message in her eyes was clear.
A smell. A sweet smell.
…I knew exactly where it came from.
“Well, I went on a little walk last night…”
What else could I do but tell them what happened?
But that aroma, huh. I probably smelled of marshmallows and chocolate. Let’s have a good gargle after this.
“Mister Regnum, was he at the meeting?”
“The unhealthy-looking one.”
Seems like Aira remembered his name correctly. Compared to me and my shoddy memory, she was surprisingly put together. And unlike my assessment of him — ‘gloomy’ — Palmira came up with ‘unhealthy’ instead. It didn’t matter which one you picked, neither of them sounded very good.
That said, there wasn’t any particular need to protect him, so I nodded in agreement.
“Oh…? He likes sweet things, that’s unexpected.”
“Going by yourself, that’s cheating.”
“Even if you say something like that, well…”
Palmira was startlingly obstinate.
She might have a surprising fondness for sweets. Speaking of which, her opinion of Irene did a one-eighty when she got cake.
Think she might change her evaluation of Regnum too if he gives her marshmallows?
“Well, if we run into him again, we’ll ask for some.”
“Definitely.”
I gave the serious Palmira a noncommittal reply.
All things considered, I slept great. When I think about it, even though I woke up in the middle of it, I reckon I’ve slept over half a day.
Usually, sleeping more than I needed to would tire me out, but for some reason, I feel crazy good. Like I’m bubbling with energy or something.
Is it because of the chocolate I had yesterday?
I mean sure, it should’ve had that kind of effect.
“Pardon me. I’ve brought your breakfast.”
“Wow — thanks, Sieg.”
There was a knock at the door, followed by the appearance of Sieg’s now-familiar face. In his hands were a basket and a pitcher. Aira accepted them from him gleefully.
“There are boiled eggs today,”
said Palmira, surprised, as she rooted through the contents of the basket. She pulled out a boiled egg from inside.
“We restocked in Brellwandy. We have the portions for today and tomorrow.”
As he spoke, Sieg sat down by the entrance of the carriage and spread out his own share, which he’d wrapped up in cloth.
Watching him, I thought he was being overly familiar with us, but the truth is, I was the one who brought it up. To be honest, it seemed troublesome for him come out here to collect the basket every time, with leftover food inside, so I made the suggestion.
In the beginning he was terribly reserved, but now, he went along with little resistance.
“By the way, Sieg, how long will it take to get to the capital from here?”
“Let me think. About five days. We’ll be passing through the fortress midway, but the plan is to arrive there tomorrow,”
Sieg said, in response to Aira’s question. That sounded about right from what I remembered.
We’re passing through Basragate Fortress tomorrow? Will we stop there for a night?
If so, I want to take a proper bath this time.
Taking the basket from Palmira, I peered inside.
Yep, those’re eggs alright.
“Huh?”
Speaking of eggs, where did that invocation stone I got yesterday go?
Somehow, the similarity in size reminded me. I stood up and patted down my waist and chest.
— Not here.
“Weird.”
“What’s wrong?”
I tried to think back. Yesterday, I should’ve been holding it in my hand when I got into the carriage. I didn’t specially put it into my pocket or anything… I think.
“Uh, I got a invocation stone from Regnum, but… well, s’alright. Maybe it’s hiding around here somewhere. I’ll look for it later.”
It fell down the gap between the cushions when I was sleeping, right?
Let’s go with that. Peeling an egg, I started on the breakfast in front of me.
Suddenly, I remembered.
[Life.]
Well sure, this wasn’t any different from life either, I thought.
But I bit into my peeled egg without any particularly strong feelings.
Life.
When he suddenly introduced such a heavy concept, things grew even more ominous, and I stared at the thing in my hand.
Just a rock, smooth and red.
‘Life’, he said. I couldn’t help but see blood in its red hue.
And the size.
My knowledge didn’t amount to much, but I did know, for starters, that these stones came in different sizes. In that case, what about life determines how big the stone is?
Trying to imagine it made me feel like I was peering into a deep abyss, one that man was never meant to comprehend. I shivered.
“Life. Or, perhaps, the soul. As for what exactly those are, let us leave that to the philosophers for now. It’s unclear whether the method of refinement numbers among the mysteries of the Schola Magorum, but it’s well-known among authorities in the field that it’s the life force of flora and fauna.”
“Life force… So they’re made with something like that.”
Using life as a component.
I think that might be verging on a universal taboo. If such a thing exists.
“It might seem that way, but don’t we usually live by consuming the lives of other creatures? For an easy comparison, think of the meat on the dinner table. Some animal was robbed of its life to put that there.”
Regnum’s eyes stared at me without moving, something like exasperation flickering in their depths. Or, perhaps, contempt.
Come to think of it, that’s certainly true. It’s almost too obvious, but we’ve always lived by stealing the lives of others. It’s impossible to live in the first place without doing so. I don’t think there’s anything especially sinful about it. It’s just how the world works.
But while I agree with that, I find the thought of using life like an ingredient for a recipe unsettling.
We take lives so that we can eat. But if it were possible to feed ourselves without killing, then maybe we would have no need to kill.
Especially because taking lives isn’t the point.
However, ‘using life as an ingredient’ sounds like taking lives is the point. Is it fine for me to just write this off as wordplay?
I looked at the invocation stone. This [life] — just what kind of life is it?
“And? Why are you giving this to me?”
Fuzzy as it was, I did know a little about invocation stones.
But I couldn’t see what purpose it served to give it to me. With this in his possession, what is Regnum telling me to do?
“Well… If I had to say, it’s just a precaution. You are capable of using magic, aren’t you?”
If I had to say.
Upon hearing the words following that stilted phrase, I sucked in a sharp breath.
…At the very least, he knew I could use something akin to magic.
The source of his information —
“As for why I know you can use magic, it was obvious from my inspection of Guibenague’s mansion, that’s all. That damage could not have been the result of anything other than magic, no?”
“……”
When Regnum practically nailed what I was thinking, my face stiffened.
He continued, his stare fixed on me.
“If I had to say, you tend to be overly conscious about it. From what I said just now, you’re no doubt considering where I acquired this information, and whether it’s reached Lord Leon, isn’t that so? In that case, you are worried to have one of these in your possession again. That will surely have consequences that wouldn’t make Lord Leon too happy, no…? Well, it’s a small issue, but I will tell you this once.”
Not one word out of line.
So what? What’s he saying? What —
“What do you want to say?”
Feeling unpleasantly like he was looking right at the inside of my brain, I managed to squeeze out my question.
“That I would like it if you would believe in Lord Leon.”
“…Something like that…”
You’re saying this now?
I swallowed the words back just before they could spill out.
It wasn’t like I didn’t believe in him. But it was pretty embarrassing for this man — this man who seemed to have seen through everything — to say it to me so bluntly.
Yeah, it was a little late to say something like that.
I’ve already doubted Leon so many times. I doubted him and doubted him, and now, here I am.
From that point of view, the time to say it is long past. Now, I all but trust him unconditionally. If he’s fooling me, I have to give it to him: it’s a masterpiece of deception. But even though that can’t be helped, I’ve already been swayed.
Leon had revealed so much of his feelings to me that I’d been convinced.
So I, too, have to answer in kind.
“…Well, okay? I’ll take care of it. Anyway, thanks for the marshmallows. My day-night cycle’s going to get all messed up, so I’m going to do my best to sleep.”
Forcing an end to our conversation, I stood up from my seat by the bonfire.
It wasn’t a problem for me to stay up until morning,
but I basically had nothing to do but be jolted around in the carriage. I had a feeling that if I flipped my days and nights around, I’d never go back to normal. Right now, I’d been given this much slack already; I didn’t want to get any lazier. 1
“…That’s fine. People should sleep at night. Besides, they say a good night’s sleep is important for a woman’s skin.”
“That’s none of your business, you know.”
I didn’t know if Regnum knew everything about my true nature.
Well, he probably already did. If not, I couldn’t think of a way to [investigate] it.
I imagine that the contents of the investigation would come close to the entire truth about my identity, so based on that assumption, it didn’t seem like his assignment could possibly end before he uncovered the fact that I used to be different.
At least, if I were to take that request, it would be impossible for me to complete it without that information coming to light.
Even if I found a way, wouldn’t the investigation only turn up ambiguous results from that point on? I could easily imagine it. So it seemed impossible to me that Leon hadn’t taken that into account.
Come to think of it, there were now five people who knew my true nature. Leon, Aira, Palmira, Irene, and Regnum.
I didn’t think it was a bad thing that they knew. But even if I put aside my shame for the time being, now that I was going to get involved with high society, I’d be in deep shit if it spread.
I looked at Regnum. Perhaps losing interest in me once I stood up, he stayed by the fire, motionless.
Since he was an officer of the intelligence service, he wouldn’t let slip any other information he had so easily. I didn’t trust him personally, but I could count on that.
Besides, Leon was fully aware of the fact when he made the request, so I had no reason to worry.
Even though Regnum was a separate matter, it seemed that from here on, I should exercise as much discretion as possible when it came to telling people about my true nature. If I were to blab about it like I did with Irene, then I, as well as whoever I told, could be in danger.
At that point, I thought about Irene. Where did she run off to now? She wasn’t with this group, I knew at least that much.
I should talk to Leon about it, I think.
—?
Suddenly, I felt a tingling on the back of my neck. Touching the spot with my hand, I scanned the surroundings.
The feeling was faint, and it wouldn’t bother me under normal circumstances.
But at the same time, Regnum, who hadn’t made a move until this point, looked around in just the same way. Seeing that, I couldn’t simply overlook what I otherwise would have dismissed as my imagination.
What the hell was that?
“Something wrong?”
I asked Regnum, unable to identify the source of my unease.
Maybe it was the sound of my voice, but Regnum stopped looking around. He fixed me with his stare before lapsing into thought.
“You don’t know?”
“What?”
Ask me all you like, but I asked you because I don’t know. That’s all I got for you.
“Just now, I detected a presence. What, I don’t know, of course, but someone was watching us… I’m repeating myself, but you truly didn’t know?”
As he spoke, Regnum got to his feet and went to rouse the soldiers sleeping nearby. Several of them woke up with just a light shake. When they asked, “Is something wrong?”, Regnum told them it was just in case.
While I watched them, I pondered the meaning of Regnum’s words.
‘You didn’t know?’
I know. There’s no way I wouldn’t.
If there’s something out there, it’s impossible for me not to know.
Why? Because countless times on the battlefield, in the labyrinths, I’ve felt that [presence].
In simple terms, a [bad feeling].
The intuition that’s saved me time and time again, I expect.
I felt it, yet I didn’t realize until Regnum pointed it out to me.
Have my senses dulled? Has getting used to the safety of being under Leon’s protection made me careless?
It’s easy to think so. It has the ring of truth.
But is that really all there is to it?
“For now, I believe it best for you to return to the carriage… Keyes. Warren. Escort the Princess back to the carriage. After that, tell Rupert at the vanguard to be on the alert.”
While I was deep in thought, Regnum issued orders to two of the soldiers he woke up, leaving me no room to argue.
I thought he was going to excessive lengths ‘just in case’, but given the lapse in my awareness earlier, I wasn’t qualified to object.
“Well then, Princess, shall we?”
“Ah, alright…”
Urged on by the two soldiers, who were already armed with swords despite having just woken up, I started to walk while still feeling perplexed. I took a look around me, but I couldn’t sense anything anymore. Is it just that I’m unable detect it? Or —
I had the feeling that I’d lost my edge, but ultimately, what was that presence? Thinking back on it now, it was a gaze. I realize that the sensation I felt was that of being watched.
The monsters living in these mountains, or something else?
…Well, thinking about it now isn’t going to do me any good.
Once I reached the carriage, I sincerely thanked the soldiers and parted ways with them.
For some reason, I found their reaction to being thanked rather strange, but when I opened the door and saw Aira and Palmira sleeping like logs, I decided to do my best to forget about it.
In the end, nothing happened that day.
–
–
“What is that! What is that — ! Big Sister, that sweet smell!”
Perhaps because I forgot my hunger, when I returned to the carriage and lay down, it wasn’t long before I fell asleep.
Then, in the morning, I woke up to Aira pestering me.
Palmira didn’t say anything, but she silently turned up the pressure on me. ‘Confess’. The message in her eyes was clear.
A smell. A sweet smell.
…I knew exactly where it came from.
“Well, I went on a little walk last night…”
What else could I do but tell them what happened?
But that aroma, huh. I probably smelled of marshmallows and chocolate. Let’s have a good gargle after this.
“Mister Regnum, was he at the meeting?”
“The unhealthy-looking one.”
Seems like Aira remembered his name correctly. Compared to me and my shoddy memory, she was surprisingly put together. And unlike my assessment of him — ‘gloomy’ — Palmira came up with ‘unhealthy’ instead. It didn’t matter which one you picked, neither of them sounded very good.
That said, there wasn’t any particular need to protect him, so I nodded in agreement.
“Oh…? He likes sweet things, that’s unexpected.”
“Going by yourself, that’s cheating.”
“Even if you say something like that, well…”
Palmira was startlingly obstinate.
She might have a surprising fondness for sweets. Speaking of which, her opinion of Irene did a one-eighty when she got cake.
Think she might change her evaluation of Regnum too if he gives her marshmallows?
“Well, if we run into him again, we’ll ask for some.”
“Definitely.”
I gave the serious Palmira a noncommittal reply.
All things considered, I slept great. When I think about it, even though I woke up in the middle of it, I reckon I’ve slept over half a day.
Usually, sleeping more than I needed to would tire me out, but for some reason, I feel crazy good. Like I’m bubbling with energy or something.
Is it because of the chocolate I had yesterday?
I mean sure, it should’ve had that kind of effect.
“Pardon me. I’ve brought your breakfast.”
“Wow — thanks, Sieg.”
There was a knock at the door, followed by the appearance of Sieg’s now-familiar face. In his hands were a basket and a pitcher. Aira accepted them from him gleefully.
“There are boiled eggs today,”
said Palmira, surprised, as she rooted through the contents of the basket. She pulled out a boiled egg from inside.
“We restocked in Brellwandy. We have the portions for today and tomorrow.”
As he spoke, Sieg sat down by the entrance of the carriage and spread out his own share, which he’d wrapped up in cloth.
Watching him, I thought he was being overly familiar with us, but the truth is, I was the one who brought it up. To be honest, it seemed troublesome for him come out here to collect the basket every time, with leftover food inside, so I made the suggestion.
In the beginning he was terribly reserved, but now, he went along with little resistance.
“By the way, Sieg, how long will it take to get to the capital from here?”
“Let me think. About five days. We’ll be passing through the fortress midway, but the plan is to arrive there tomorrow,”
Sieg said, in response to Aira’s question. That sounded about right from what I remembered.
We’re passing through Basragate Fortress tomorrow? Will we stop there for a night?
If so, I want to take a proper bath this time.
Taking the basket from Palmira, I peered inside.
Yep, those’re eggs alright.
“Huh?”
Speaking of eggs, where did that invocation stone I got yesterday go?
Somehow, the similarity in size reminded me. I stood up and patted down my waist and chest.
— Not here.
“Weird.”
“What’s wrong?”
I tried to think back. Yesterday, I should’ve been holding it in my hand when I got into the carriage. I didn’t specially put it into my pocket or anything… I think.
“Uh, I got a invocation stone from Regnum, but… well, s’alright. Maybe it’s hiding around here somewhere. I’ll look for it later.”
It fell down the gap between the cushions when I was sleeping, right?
Let’s go with that. Peeling an egg, I started on the breakfast in front of me.
Suddenly, I remembered.
[Life.]
Well sure, this wasn’t any different from life either, I thought.
But I bit into my peeled egg without any particularly strong feelings.
