May 14, 2018Tgurneu
Hamyuts Meseta. Born in 1895. Her place of birth was the Ismo Republic.
She knew neither the names of her parents nor her real name. This was because she had been kidnapped by Makia not long after having been born. If Makia weren’t there what life would she have led? She couldn’t even imagine.
She was kidnapped for one reason – because of her inborn Book-Feeding ability. Using his Predictive ability and data collected from Magic research, Makia was able to find a Book-Feeder. Hamyuts hated her ability for her entire life.
Hamyuts was raised in the research facility hidden in the desert. She had no inconveniences in life. Excluding freedom, Hamyuts was given everything.
She knew that Makia wasn’t her real father and that she had been kidnapped. However, she didn’t hate him. Because he was plenty nice to her. Hamyuts did not have the courage to hate her one and only guardian.
At the time Hamyuts was a docile, timid girl. She had a good and gentle heart. She was always submissive to the adults. Even with her one and only little sister Chacoly, while she thought of her as weird she cherished her.
Her hobby was sewing, especially embroideries, and she also liked reading and jigsaw puzzles.
She was being raised to kill Ruruta Coozancoona. Even when she knew of it she didn’t hate Makia. She wondered if that was really necessary but convinced herself it was so. At the time she heard nothing about remodeling her soul nor about the Suicidal Wish.
She started her Magic Deliberation when she was eight.
Even Makia had not foreseen this, but she possessed a unique talent for Magic. It was fortunate for Makia, but was it fortunate or unfortunate for her?
She was able to acquire a Magic Right that should have taken her until the end of her teens when she was only twelve. And thus approached the fateful day of her soul surgery.
Creating a human that finds being killed the ultimate pleasure… was originally impossible. Makia and his subordinates sweated blood in order to allow her to keep her sanity. Hamyuts spent hellish days in order to not lose her mind.
She shouted for them to kill her countless times. But there was no one to make her wish come true. She also tried committing suicide. However, they could not let her die while she was incomplete as a tool. She was a tool meant only for killing Ruruta. She couldn’t put up with herself. She swore at all people she saw and exercised violence.
She only obtained mental stability two years after the operation. In two years the gentle and nice Hamyuts was gone for all eternity. The new Hamyuts was called a monster by Hamyuts herself, a tool by Chacoly, and Chacoly’s spare by Makia. Which of them was true?
There was no one to treat Hamyuts Meseta as a person.
She hated everything.
She hated Makia, his subordinates, Chacoly, Ruruta, and her fate. She lived only to die, to induce a mutual kill with Ruruta. She hated herself and every single person that created her.
She lived to hate and preserved her sanity to hate. If she couldn’t keep sane she wouldn’t be able to kill them. Hamyuts was born to die and lived to kill.
When she was fourteen Hamyuts annihilated Makia and his subordinates, becoming free. She declared an eternal farewell from Chacoly and vowed they will never meet again.
After parting with everything she lost her way. What should she live for from now on?
Since she had received large amounts of cash from Makia she should be able to live easily for a while. Hamyuts spent her days wandering for a while.
Hamyuts hated Ruruta. She wished to kill him. He was the final target of her revenge.
In order to kill Ruruta Hamyuts needed to be killed. Her Suicidal Desire will only be first completed with her death. She had to fuse the joy and pleasure she would feel at the moment of being killed with Ruruta.
A death full of joy and pleasure. She sought that for her revenge on Ruruta.
At the same time she hated Makia.
Hamyuts decided to die in vain. That would be denying Makia’s whole life. That was the best revenge she could enact against him as he was already dead.
And the starting point in the first place was Ruruta having requested Makia to kill him. By not killing Ruruta she would also take revenge on him.
She will live as an ordinary girl. That would also be a kind of revenge.
Both living was revenge and dying was revenge. She had two methods to accomplish a single goal. After worrying, Hamyuts chose to continue living as her form of revenge.
Hamyuts started working as a seamstress in some town’s tailor shop. That was her revenge on Makia. She thought that she will simply keep on living peacefully like this. That was what Chacoly had predicted when they separated.
However, even as she lived peacefully, her remodeled mind, her soul that wished to be killed tormented her. She couldn’t stand the boring days. Her heart throbbed in want of hostility, of killing intent, of despair. Because of that one day Hamyuts left her boarding house and headed to a street in the underworld.
Fools that killed people for small money or freaks that killed people for their pleasure… Wanting to meet these kinds of people, Hamyuts walked in the street all by herself.
However, she was not killed and kept on living.
“…You’re useless.”
Hamyuts said. A man rolled in the street at some dark back alley. A big knife fell near him.
“You’re too weak. Being killed by someone like you… would be no different from suicide.”
The man’s left leg was broken and his right hand was smashed. His throat was being crushed. Hamyuts trampled on his stomach and he made no move. He had been trying to kill Hamyuts and take her money. She didn’t care if his goal was her money or homicide.
“There was no actual will to kill me. By only having a flimsy desire you can’t put everything at stake and try to kill me. There’s no violence that will make me despair. You’re a simple weakling who can only kill defenseless girls.
No way I would feel good by letting someone like that kill me.”
Hamyuts said while looking down at the man.
“It’s also no good at all. Being killed wouldn’t serve as revenge. If I were killed that would make him happy.”
Several contradictory feelings swirled inside Hamyuts’s mind.
There was the heart that sought murder and defeat.
In conflict with that was her desire for revenge against Makia. She couldn’t let herself die like he wanted her to.
And separately from that, she sought a splendid death for herself.
She wanted pure killing intent. She wanted an overwhelming violence. She wanted the perfect despair. At the end of despair, murderous intent and violence awaited the satisfying death she sought.
“So, do you understand my feelings?”
“…Hii… hii…”
The killer who had tried to kill Hamyuts desperately moved his neck vertically. He had no other method with which to beg for his life.
“No way you’d get it, idiot.”
Hamyuts’s shoe crushed the man’s windpipe.
“Even I myself don’t know what I’m trying to do, after all.”
Her will to die and her will to live existed concurrently. She had always been full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
Hamyuts gradually realized – she could never hope to live as the average person.
She had gained something alike to friends. Like seamstresses working for the same firm or girls around her age living in town. However, even if on the surface it seemed like they were getting along, in the end she was always estranged. It wasn’t their fault. They could probably feel how different she on their skin.
She couldn’t ever keep up with their conversation topics. Hamyuts had no interest in friendship, fashion or gossip. Her heart was always full of revenge for Makia, for Ruruta, and her desire to be killed.
There was always a thin film separating Hamyuts and everyone else. Even though she was so nearby, she could never overcome and sever it.
Every time she felt lonely she would head out to wander the darkness and seek her death.
Every time killers or criminals targeted her, she felt that her loneliness was healed. They were trying to kill her. They were the only ones to do what she wanted. They were the only ones to respond to her pleas for death.
Every time murderous intent was aimed at her she was exhilarated.
She turned the tables back at them and returned home. At that time, a sudden light would flare up in the darkness and a friendly chat would drift into her ears. Lovers, couples, family and friends. Every time she heard such exchanges she would cover her ears, and leave the spot.
She couldn’t love anyone nor be loved. Seeking murderous intent, seeking battles, was no more than compensation for her inability to get love.
Hamyuts admired the completely normal person. She admired anyone and everyone reflected in her eyes. No matter how much she pretended to be an ordinary person, she wasn’t able to achieve her aspiration.
Hamyuts also longed for Chacoly. She lived without any worries and without longing for a normal life, living as just a tool. If she were able to turn like Chacoly it would probably be much easier.
However, Hamyuts was Hamyuts. She couldn’t be anyone else. Unable to be neither a tool nor an ordinary person, she kept on wandering and living.
After a year, a rumor about the serial killer in the back alleys spread with people. The Books of people Hamyuts had killed should have also started being excavated. Having the town’s sheriff be contacted by Bantorra Library was just a matter of time. Setting out again was unavoidable.
Having no destination nor goal, Hamyuts roamed the world. In various town she worked as a seamstress and when she lost her place she would set out again. Repeating this again and again, she was finally 17 years old.
One day her legs carried her to Past God Bantorra Island. In a certain port town she learned there was tailor work in Bantorra’s town and took the airship there.
Even Hamyuts herself couldn’t really explain why she headed to Past God Island. It was true she looked for work as a seamstress, and certainly she found this job offer by chance.
However, she might have purposely headed there because she held certain expectations. The strongest battle group known as the Armed Librarians, led by the tenacious and sincere Photona, the tyrant lady Ireia, and child prodigy Mattalast… although Hamyuts wasn’t interested in most of the world she heard about them. The overwhelming violence that Hamyuts’s Suicidal Wish aimed for was located there.
If she challenged them to a fight and was killed she would surely feel great. All that remained afterward would be fighting Ruruta. Losing and dying, or else tying and dying, which will it be? She didn’t mind either. She was Chacoly’s spare anyway.
While hesitating whether to fight Ruruta or to keep living, Hamyuts once again spent peaceful days.
She eventually got tired. Revenge and hatred exhausted humans. Even Hamyuts was not an exception. What was she hesitating for? Her life was only meant for her to be killed by someone anyway. She was merely Chacoly’s spare.
Every time she’d see Ireia or Mattalast in the town the temptation of death would confuse her. Then, invited by her colleagues to a tavern, she met Mattalast there.
I will be killed by this man and die, Hamyuts had an intuition. I like that he’s strong and good-looking, but I wish he’d be a bit smarter person, she thought while looking at him.
She drew Mattalast’s attention with meaningless talk. And then she attacked.
The encounter of that day sent her destiny into a stranger direction.
“…What are you planning, bringing me to a place like this?”
Said Hamyuts. She was inside a room of a luxurious apartment downtown. Mattalast had told her that he possessed several hideouts like this.
“I’ve already told you. I’m going to make you mine.”
Hamyuts narrowed her eyes. At that time she thought that perhaps he was going to kill her. Everyone other than Hamyuts would be able to understand it wasn’t true, thought.
“But do we really have to do it here?”
“…Is that too bold for you? Or do you not understand even more than I thought?”
When Mattalast lightly touched Hamyuts’s shoulder, she tumbled down on the sofa.
“That’s not true. It seems that you truly want to die. And yet you don’t seem to be suicidal. What’s up with you?”
“…You’ll understand if you kill me and turn me into a Book.”
“If I do that where’s the fun in that? I find that boring.”
Saying this, Mattalast sat next to Hamyuts.
“Stuff that makes you think “what’s that supposed to be?” is art. I wonder who said that… But I think that line should be used for romance rather than art.
Any girl that makes me think “what’s up with her?” is the best. What do you think, Hamyuts?”
“I didn’t understand what you said from start to finish.”
Mattalast smiled.
“I’ll say it more simply. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“I don’t get it as well.”
“So I’ll make it even simpler.”
Saying this, Mattalast pressed his lips with Hamyuts’s.
“…Do you now get it?”
It seemed that Mattalast assumed for her to say that she did. Or perhaps he expected her to avert her gaze as if saying she didn’t. But Hamyuts widened her eyes and shook her head to the side.
“…I don’t.”
Hamyuts was surprisingly ignorant at the time. She had no knowledge about love before experiencing it. She didn’t know the differences between men and women. She had thought that kissing was only used for Soul Fusion.
Mattalast rose up. He held his head and paced around the room.
“…I see. So I’ll think about how to make you understand.”
“What should I understand?”
“…Even I have no idea anymore.”
Eventually that night Mattalast managed to persuade Hamyuts. He told her later that he never thought that wooing girls would require him to give them sex education.
They would often recall the weird questions that rose during that night and turn them to conversation topics. What that happened Hamyuts’s face would turn bright red and Mattalast would laugh.
Makia Dexiart couldn’t have possibly expected that Hamyuts would fall in love. Neither his subordinates nor Chacoly would have thought of it. Mattalast Ballory was an idiot beyond their calculations. If not, he wouldn’t have made a move on her, or once he did, he would have abandoned it.
Regardless of how it happened, that day Hamyuts made love to Mattalast. Although she was supposed to have been living only to seek killing, although she was born to live as a tool, although she had given up on any other life, he twisted and overturned her and was able to get her.
He could only be said to be an extraordinary man.
Invited by Mattalast, Hamyuts set foot inside Bantorra Library. Beyond her expectations she spent a lot of time there. Although she hadn’t the slightest intention of becoming an Armed Librarian, she herself felt that she fit the job well. And she never thought that she would reach all the way to the position of the Acting Director.
But what have the days she spent at Bantorra Library brought forth?
Her love with Mattalast eventually collapsed. She wouldn’t reveal the truth about herself and Mattalast found it unsatisfactory. Not revealing her true self meant they couldn’t build a fundamental relationship of mutual trust. This unfilled rupture separated their hearts.
No matter how much she loved him, no matter how much she wanted to love, Hamyuts found being killed much more attractive. Hamyuts sought to be killed more than a married lifestyle.
They broke up three times and reconciled twice. Finally, they settled at a half-assed relationship were they weren’t alone but also weren’t together.
An ordinary love was fundamentally impossible for her.
Pouring her life into her job with the duty as an Armed Librarian in her heart… perhaps that road also existed.
But Hamyuts knew the truth about Bantorra Library in the first place. For her it was only a place full of deceit and farces. Never mind being told that protecting Books was their duty, she couldn’t feel any loyalty.
Working together and living for her fighting comrades… that was also impossible for her.
The Armed Librarians lived their days in battle,
The Armed Librarians who have lived their days in battle, in the boundary of life and death. They were closer to Hamyuts than ordinary people. However, as Hamyuts wished for the very thing known as death, and they readied their resolve in acceptance of death, they were eventually unable to understand each other. Even inside Bantorra Library Hamyuts was abnormal. The thin film always stayed between Hamyuts and her surroundings.
She had never thought of them as her comrades from the bottom of her heart even once.
When she was promoted from a trainee to an official Armed Librarian a great ceremony had been held. At that time the Acting Director preached about readiness to the new comrades. Hamyuts heard it from Photona and even she herself preached to many of her subordinates. Hamyuts remembered one sentence from that.
“From the day we receive the name of an Armed Librarian we shall be bound by bonds that will never be severed. Our souls will, from this day forth, become one.
No matter where we live or where we die, our souls shall be one forevermore!”
What a laughingstock, thought Hamyuts. The one who’s speaking it never once believed it. The only thing the Library has given me is loneliness.
In the end nothing changed. She kept being lonely just like when she was when working as a seamstress.
Also, her days as an Armed Librarian didn’t give her the death at the end of mortal combat and despair.
Hamyuts became far too strong. She obtained her Sensory Threads, polished her stone throwing and bodily reinforcement Magic, and eventually became known as the strongest in the world. If she were weaker she would have been probably been killed.
Certainly Hamyuts had been cornered several times during the mortal combat against the Indulging God Cult. However, she was only cornered.
If she wanted to die then betraying and joining the Indulging God Cult so she could fight the Armed Librarians would be much better. Hamyuts was the one to realize the Armed Librarians’ powers the most. Although they preserved more than half of their fighting power including Yukizona, Bonbo and Ireia, they still overwhelmed the Cult. She was convinced that if they put forth their entire strength from the very beginning they would have won without it even reaching the Deep Blue Curse Rebellion.
Even if Hamyuts would betray them the advantageous position of the Armed Librarians should not change. Yukizona would have become a far superior commander to her. They have also been blessed with Mattalast, Ireia, Bonbo, Yuri and other supporters.
And, besides the time fighting the Cult, it was a boring time with not even a premonition of death.
The Armed Librarians gave her neither life as a human nor death as a tool.
If so, then were these decades meaningless for her?
I believe not, thought Hamyuts.
Photona Bardgamon once said to her. It was a short time before he lost to Mattalast.
“You are an extremely abnormal person. I can understand that. Even in light of that, I believe that you are the most suitable person for me to pass my seat to. Although abnormal, you are a good Armed Librarian. I cannot say this well, but… please take care of everyone.”
Photona had believed in Hamyuts and entrusted everything to her. He believed in her even as she were.
Ireia Kitty once said to her. Hamyuts had once challenged her when she was an apprentice. Grabbing the head of the defeated Hamyuts and raising her high, she spoke while bringing her face close.
“You want to be killed? That is not funny, Hamyuts. With that logic you should prostrate yourself and beg me to kill you, right? But even so I will not kill you.
This is an order: live. Live and continue fighting. I will not forgive you disobeying me. Going against the command of this great Ireia Kitty is unforgivable.”
Ireia was the only person to make Hamyuts feel awe. Pushed by her overwhelming spirit, she was the only person she was unable to defy.
Vizac Ziglass once said. It was immediately after Hamyuts had assumed office.
“Who would’ve thought you lass would become Acting Director. What has the world come to.
Can’t be helped though. Keep working until you grow up into an adult. Make me retire soon, Hamyuts Meseta.”
He had always been a nagging, troublesome leader. However, Hamyuts was thankful to see him not retire.
Volken Macmani once said. It was when he was still a young boy.
“Sister Hamyuts. I will definitely end up surpassing you. Until then please keep being the wall I must surpass. I will take over the seat of the Director from you.”
Due to both of their betrayals these words didn’t come true. However, despite the fact that his voice had yet to change and he was still showing her an adult face, she found him cute.
Minth Chezine once said. It was the day when he captured as bandit and taken to become an Armed Librarian.
“You’re nuts. There’s no other woman as crazy as you.
I see, so that’s why you need someone with common sense like me. You want this Minth Chezine to serve as your safety device.
…If someone like you is left unchecked who knows what might happen.”
Minth could always be said to have had a hostile relationship with her. Yet, as he had a kind heart he always fulfilled his role. No matter how many times they had clashed, he was her most dependable subordinate.
Yuri Hamlow once said. It was when Yukizona had been decided to become the next Acting Director.
“Director. Unfortunately, brother seems to feel uncomfortable about you. However, I ask that you do not be too angry at him. He is simply somewhat overly serious.
He still has plenty of things to learn from you. Because he still has to become a bit more of a villain.”
A somewhat overly serious older brother and his somewhat overly wicked little sister. Looking from the side they would appear to be an amusing pair. And it was her biggest pleasure as the head of the organization to raise good successors.
Mirepoc Finedell once said. It was when Hamyuts had received grievous injuries after the battle in Toatt Mining Town.
“Director! Stop that! Why are you trying to die! Do you realize what would happen if you die?! Please think about other people a little!
…Please don’t fool around at such a time! It’s not like I was crying or anything!”
Although Hamyuts thought of dying she had shouted at her not to die. That attitude was painful. At times she had felt guilt for using such a good girl.
Noloty Malche once said. It happened right after she had saved Enlike.
“Thank you, Director. I was able to save Enlike-san thanks to you.
…It seems that a lot has happened, but thank you very much.”
She had only used Noloty. Noloty also realized that, and yet she frankly thanked Hamyuts. Hamyuts was shocked by her kindness and goodness.
Also, Mattalast said many things.
At times as lover, at times as her ex. At times as her senior or junior, at times as her superior and her subordinate, at times as an accomplice to protect the secrets of the world, he had told Hamyuts countless words.
The pair have created far too many memories to recall.
Did I really have such good subordinates? And was I a good superior? Hamyuts wondered.
She didn’t think so. When she dies everyone will probably smile happily. For her selfishness, the desire of being killed, Hamyuts committed several bad deeds.
Then thin film separating Hamyuts and everyone else was never demolished.
And yet they have called her their comrade. Although she was merely a tool meant to kill Ruruta, they have treated her as human, as their comrade.
If it was them perhaps she could have connected to them. It made her dream that.
No matter how twisted she was, how crazy she was, how broken she was.
Even though she was chock-full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
Hamyuts loved the Armed Librarians in her own way.
She didn’t mind being a tool for killing Ruruta if it was for them. She loved them enough to think that.
Ruruta was running with Hamyuts chasing him. While running with her full speed she launched gravel bullets at Ruruta as he fluttered around like a drunk butterfly.
When he thought of evading he would be hit and when he thought of stopping in place he would run away. As Ruruta was afflicted by the pleasure of sweet death his actions had no consistency. His desire to lose and not to lose coexisted, making him repeat his mismatched movements.
I wonder if I also look like that to my enemies, wondered Hamyuts.
“…Oh, wah! …Oh! Curses! Hamyuts!”
The gravel bullets destroyed his vitals many times. They gouged out his heart, shot through his head, snapped his neck broken. However, his death was prevented by his overwhelming defensive powers as well as super regenerative ability.
But it was enough. Continuously receiving damage, Ruruta will definitely fold in before long. Hamyuts’s power was effective. The well-refined power of her sling was plenty enough to kill him.
Hamyuts shook with delight. She could defeat him. There was meaning to her life, to her existence, to the days she had spent as an Armed Librarian.
A single bullet hit Ruruta’s temporal region directly. Losing his balance, he headed down in a tailspin and crashed on the sand. Anticipating this and leaping ahead, Hamyuts fired a gravel bullet overhead.
A cloud of sand rose along with the moans of pleasure. Along with them fresh blood was scattered around and slices of meat were blown away. Even torn-off limbs were mixed in that. They have dried out immediately and became part of the Imaginary Entrails’ sand. Hamyuts probed inside the cloud using her Sensory Threads. Ruruta, looking nothing more than a mangled corpse, was inside.
“Not… yet, as if I’d die… at such, at such a place!”
As expected of Ruruta. Even that was not enough to fully kill him. As if mocking his vitality, Hamyuts landed on top of his chest. A voice of breaking bones and ripping meat echoed.
“No, you will die. Right here.”
Mercilessly pounding him with her shoe souls, she carefully destroyed Ruruta. I’ll turn you into a piece of meat that makes one puke at a glance. Thinking so, Hamyuts stepped on him.
“I won’t die… for, for Nieniu!”
The ensuing explosion was Ruruta’s desperate resistance. Hamyuts retreated and Ruruta tried running away while recovering his body. The battle – no, the one-sided massacre – only started.
At that time, Colio Tonies was desperately running around the desert. From behind him came the sounds of the pair fighting. It was the fight of the strongest man in the world against the warrior second to him. Colio would die instantly if he were wrapped up in that. He could only run away.
A pain ran through his back. It received a heavy blow when he had been thrown by Hamyuts. Since he was thrown downhill a sand dune and rolled hard on the sand he couldn’t move well.
After running for a while, Colio dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. Coming this far was probably fine.
Looking back, he could see the theatre. Although he thought that he ran for a while, it wasn’t much of a distance.
He could faintly see figures in the sky. They were probably Ruruta flying around like a bird and Hamyuts leaping about.
“…”
Colio thought back to what happened a while ago. His talk with Ruruta, Hamyuts’s appearance, and everything that happened since he was thrown away.
Hamyuts was a Ruruta assassin produced by Makia. He had no idea how she had entered his Imaginary Entrails nor how she planned on killing him, though.
Which of them will win? As far as Colio could see Hamyuts’s victory was assured. Hamyuts was triumphing and Ruruta was suffering in agony.
Ruruta was going to die. There wasn’t anything wrong with that. The destruction of the world will be avoided and the one to make people suffer will be gone. He should obviously die.
“…Right, die. Die, Ruruta.”
Colio muttered. Yet, the words he had spoken with Ruruta floated to the back of his mind.
‘I wanted to meet you. Is that not enough?’
‘You and I are the same. Only our positions are different.’
‘I want you to understand my feelings. You should be able to. You’re the only one who can.’
He was confused by his own feelings. Ruruta should die. Hamyuts had to win. There was nothing to doubt about that.
And yet, when he thought of Ruruta about to die, he felt terrible.
When he had met him he felt nothing but fear. In the end he was almost killed. And yet Colio wanted to see Ruruta again.
“…Shit!”
He couldn’t get it. Why was his chest aching so much?
Listening to the sounds of battle coming from afar, Colio held his head alone.
May 14, 2018Tgurneu
Hamyuts Meseta. Born in 1895. Her place of birth was the Ismo Republic.
She knew neither the names of her parents nor her real name. This was because she had been kidnapped by Makia not long after having been born. If Makia weren’t there what life would she have led? She couldn’t even imagine.
She was kidnapped for one reason – because of her inborn Book-Feeding ability. Using his Predictive ability and data collected from Magic research, Makia was able to find a Book-Feeder. Hamyuts hated her ability for her entire life.
Hamyuts was raised in the research facility hidden in the desert. She had no inconveniences in life. Excluding freedom, Hamyuts was given everything.
She knew that Makia wasn’t her real father and that she had been kidnapped. However, she didn’t hate him. Because he was plenty nice to her. Hamyuts did not have the courage to hate her one and only guardian.
At the time Hamyuts was a docile, timid girl. She had a good and gentle heart. She was always submissive to the adults. Even with her one and only little sister Chacoly, while she thought of her as weird she cherished her.
Her hobby was sewing, especially embroideries, and she also liked reading and jigsaw puzzles.
She was being raised to kill Ruruta Coozancoona. Even when she knew of it she didn’t hate Makia. She wondered if that was really necessary but convinced herself it was so. At the time she heard nothing about remodeling her soul nor about the Suicidal Wish.
She started her Magic Deliberation when she was eight.
Even Makia had not foreseen this, but she possessed a unique talent for Magic. It was fortunate for Makia, but was it fortunate or unfortunate for her?
She was able to acquire a Magic Right that should have taken her until the end of her teens when she was only twelve. And thus approached the fateful day of her soul surgery.
Creating a human that finds being killed the ultimate pleasure… was originally impossible. Makia and his subordinates sweated blood in order to allow her to keep her sanity. Hamyuts spent hellish days in order to not lose her mind.
She shouted for them to kill her countless times. But there was no one to make her wish come true. She also tried committing suicide. However, they could not let her die while she was incomplete as a tool. She was a tool meant only for killing Ruruta. She couldn’t put up with herself. She swore at all people she saw and exercised violence.
She only obtained mental stability two years after the operation. In two years the gentle and nice Hamyuts was gone for all eternity. The new Hamyuts was called a monster by Hamyuts herself, a tool by Chacoly, and Chacoly’s spare by Makia. Which of them was true?
There was no one to treat Hamyuts Meseta as a person.
She hated everything.
She hated Makia, his subordinates, Chacoly, Ruruta, and her fate. She lived only to die, to induce a mutual kill with Ruruta. She hated herself and every single person that created her.
She lived to hate and preserved her sanity to hate. If she couldn’t keep sane she wouldn’t be able to kill them. Hamyuts was born to die and lived to kill.
When she was fourteen Hamyuts annihilated Makia and his subordinates, becoming free. She declared an eternal farewell from Chacoly and vowed they will never meet again.
After parting with everything she lost her way. What should she live for from now on?
Since she had received large amounts of cash from Makia she should be able to live easily for a while. Hamyuts spent her days wandering for a while.
Hamyuts hated Ruruta. She wished to kill him. He was the final target of her revenge.
In order to kill Ruruta Hamyuts needed to be killed. Her Suicidal Desire will only be first completed with her death. She had to fuse the joy and pleasure she would feel at the moment of being killed with Ruruta.
A death full of joy and pleasure. She sought that for her revenge on Ruruta.
At the same time she hated Makia.
Hamyuts decided to die in vain. That would be denying Makia’s whole life. That was the best revenge she could enact against him as he was already dead.
And the starting point in the first place was Ruruta having requested Makia to kill him. By not killing Ruruta she would also take revenge on him.
She will live as an ordinary girl. That would also be a kind of revenge.
Both living was revenge and dying was revenge. She had two methods to accomplish a single goal. After worrying, Hamyuts chose to continue living as her form of revenge.
Hamyuts started working as a seamstress in some town’s tailor shop. That was her revenge on Makia. She thought that she will simply keep on living peacefully like this. That was what Chacoly had predicted when they separated.
However, even as she lived peacefully, her remodeled mind, her soul that wished to be killed tormented her. She couldn’t stand the boring days. Her heart throbbed in want of hostility, of killing intent, of despair. Because of that one day Hamyuts left her boarding house and headed to a street in the underworld.
Fools that killed people for small money or freaks that killed people for their pleasure… Wanting to meet these kinds of people, Hamyuts walked in the street all by herself.
However, she was not killed and kept on living.
“…You’re useless.”
Hamyuts said. A man rolled in the street at some dark back alley. A big knife fell near him.
“You’re too weak. Being killed by someone like you… would be no different from suicide.”
The man’s left leg was broken and his right hand was smashed. His throat was being crushed. Hamyuts trampled on his stomach and he made no move. He had been trying to kill Hamyuts and take her money. She didn’t care if his goal was her money or homicide.
“There was no actual will to kill me. By only having a flimsy desire you can’t put everything at stake and try to kill me. There’s no violence that will make me despair. You’re a simple weakling who can only kill defenseless girls.
No way I would feel good by letting someone like that kill me.”
Hamyuts said while looking down at the man.
“It’s also no good at all. Being killed wouldn’t serve as revenge. If I were killed that would make him happy.”
Several contradictory feelings swirled inside Hamyuts’s mind.
There was the heart that sought murder and defeat.
In conflict with that was her desire for revenge against Makia. She couldn’t let herself die like he wanted her to.
And separately from that, she sought a splendid death for herself.
She wanted pure killing intent. She wanted an overwhelming violence. She wanted the perfect despair. At the end of despair, murderous intent and violence awaited the satisfying death she sought.
“So, do you understand my feelings?”
“…Hii… hii…”
The killer who had tried to kill Hamyuts desperately moved his neck vertically. He had no other method with which to beg for his life.
“No way you’d get it, idiot.”
Hamyuts’s shoe crushed the man’s windpipe.
“Even I myself don’t know what I’m trying to do, after all.”
Her will to die and her will to live existed concurrently. She had always been full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
Hamyuts gradually realized – she could never hope to live as the average person.
She had gained something alike to friends. Like seamstresses working for the same firm or girls around her age living in town. However, even if on the surface it seemed like they were getting along, in the end she was always estranged. It wasn’t their fault. They could probably feel how different she on their skin.
She couldn’t ever keep up with their conversation topics. Hamyuts had no interest in friendship, fashion or gossip. Her heart was always full of revenge for Makia, for Ruruta, and her desire to be killed.
There was always a thin film separating Hamyuts and everyone else. Even though she was so nearby, she could never overcome and sever it.
Every time she felt lonely she would head out to wander the darkness and seek her death.
Every time killers or criminals targeted her, she felt that her loneliness was healed. They were trying to kill her. They were the only ones to do what she wanted. They were the only ones to respond to her pleas for death.
Every time murderous intent was aimed at her she was exhilarated.
She turned the tables back at them and returned home. At that time, a sudden light would flare up in the darkness and a friendly chat would drift into her ears. Lovers, couples, family and friends. Every time she heard such exchanges she would cover her ears, and leave the spot.
She couldn’t love anyone nor be loved. Seeking murderous intent, seeking battles, was no more than compensation for her inability to get love.
Hamyuts admired the completely normal person. She admired anyone and everyone reflected in her eyes. No matter how much she pretended to be an ordinary person, she wasn’t able to achieve her aspiration.
Hamyuts also longed for Chacoly. She lived without any worries and without longing for a normal life, living as just a tool. If she were able to turn like Chacoly it would probably be much easier.
However, Hamyuts was Hamyuts. She couldn’t be anyone else. Unable to be neither a tool nor an ordinary person, she kept on wandering and living.
After a year, a rumor about the serial killer in the back alleys spread with people. The Books of people Hamyuts had killed should have also started being excavated. Having the town’s sheriff be contacted by Bantorra Library was just a matter of time. Setting out again was unavoidable.
Having no destination nor goal, Hamyuts roamed the world. In various town she worked as a seamstress and when she lost her place she would set out again. Repeating this again and again, she was finally 17 years old.
One day her legs carried her to Past God Bantorra Island. In a certain port town she learned there was tailor work in Bantorra’s town and took the airship there.
Even Hamyuts herself couldn’t really explain why she headed to Past God Island. It was true she looked for work as a seamstress, and certainly she found this job offer by chance.
However, she might have purposely headed there because she held certain expectations. The strongest battle group known as the Armed Librarians, led by the tenacious and sincere Photona, the tyrant lady Ireia, and child prodigy Mattalast… although Hamyuts wasn’t interested in most of the world she heard about them. The overwhelming violence that Hamyuts’s Suicidal Wish aimed for was located there.
If she challenged them to a fight and was killed she would surely feel great. All that remained afterward would be fighting Ruruta. Losing and dying, or else tying and dying, which will it be? She didn’t mind either. She was Chacoly’s spare anyway.
While hesitating whether to fight Ruruta or to keep living, Hamyuts once again spent peaceful days.
She eventually got tired. Revenge and hatred exhausted humans. Even Hamyuts was not an exception. What was she hesitating for? Her life was only meant for her to be killed by someone anyway. She was merely Chacoly’s spare.
Every time she’d see Ireia or Mattalast in the town the temptation of death would confuse her. Then, invited by her colleagues to a tavern, she met Mattalast there.
I will be killed by this man and die, Hamyuts had an intuition. I like that he’s strong and good-looking, but I wish he’d be a bit smarter person, she thought while looking at him.
She drew Mattalast’s attention with meaningless talk. And then she attacked.
The encounter of that day sent her destiny into a stranger direction.
“…What are you planning, bringing me to a place like this?”
Said Hamyuts. She was inside a room of a luxurious apartment downtown. Mattalast had told her that he possessed several hideouts like this.
“I’ve already told you. I’m going to make you mine.”
Hamyuts narrowed her eyes. At that time she thought that perhaps he was going to kill her. Everyone other than Hamyuts would be able to understand it wasn’t true, thought.
“But do we really have to do it here?”
“…Is that too bold for you? Or do you not understand even more than I thought?”
When Mattalast lightly touched Hamyuts’s shoulder, she tumbled down on the sofa.
“That’s not true. It seems that you truly want to die. And yet you don’t seem to be suicidal. What’s up with you?”
“…You’ll understand if you kill me and turn me into a Book.”
“If I do that where’s the fun in that? I find that boring.”
Saying this, Mattalast sat next to Hamyuts.
“Stuff that makes you think “what’s that supposed to be?” is art. I wonder who said that… But I think that line should be used for romance rather than art.
Any girl that makes me think “what’s up with her?” is the best. What do you think, Hamyuts?”
“I didn’t understand what you said from start to finish.”
Mattalast smiled.
“I’ll say it more simply. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“I don’t get it as well.”
“So I’ll make it even simpler.”
Saying this, Mattalast pressed his lips with Hamyuts’s.
“…Do you now get it?”
It seemed that Mattalast assumed for her to say that she did. Or perhaps he expected her to avert her gaze as if saying she didn’t. But Hamyuts widened her eyes and shook her head to the side.
“…I don’t.”
Hamyuts was surprisingly ignorant at the time. She had no knowledge about love before experiencing it. She didn’t know the differences between men and women. She had thought that kissing was only used for Soul Fusion.
Mattalast rose up. He held his head and paced around the room.
“…I see. So I’ll think about how to make you understand.”
“What should I understand?”
“…Even I have no idea anymore.”
Eventually that night Mattalast managed to persuade Hamyuts. He told her later that he never thought that wooing girls would require him to give them sex education.
They would often recall the weird questions that rose during that night and turn them to conversation topics. What that happened Hamyuts’s face would turn bright red and Mattalast would laugh.
Makia Dexiart couldn’t have possibly expected that Hamyuts would fall in love. Neither his subordinates nor Chacoly would have thought of it. Mattalast Ballory was an idiot beyond their calculations. If not, he wouldn’t have made a move on her, or once he did, he would have abandoned it.
Regardless of how it happened, that day Hamyuts made love to Mattalast. Although she was supposed to have been living only to seek killing, although she was born to live as a tool, although she had given up on any other life, he twisted and overturned her and was able to get her.
He could only be said to be an extraordinary man.
Invited by Mattalast, Hamyuts set foot inside Bantorra Library. Beyond her expectations she spent a lot of time there. Although she hadn’t the slightest intention of becoming an Armed Librarian, she herself felt that she fit the job well. And she never thought that she would reach all the way to the position of the Acting Director.
But what have the days she spent at Bantorra Library brought forth?
Her love with Mattalast eventually collapsed. She wouldn’t reveal the truth about herself and Mattalast found it unsatisfactory. Not revealing her true self meant they couldn’t build a fundamental relationship of mutual trust. This unfilled rupture separated their hearts.
No matter how much she loved him, no matter how much she wanted to love, Hamyuts found being killed much more attractive. Hamyuts sought to be killed more than a married lifestyle.
They broke up three times and reconciled twice. Finally, they settled at a half-assed relationship were they weren’t alone but also weren’t together.
An ordinary love was fundamentally impossible for her.
Pouring her life into her job with the duty as an Armed Librarian in her heart… perhaps that road also existed.
But Hamyuts knew the truth about Bantorra Library in the first place. For her it was only a place full of deceit and farces. Never mind being told that protecting Books was their duty, she couldn’t feel any loyalty.
Working together and living for her fighting comrades… that was also impossible for her.
The Armed Librarians lived their days in battle,
The Armed Librarians who have lived their days in battle, in the boundary of life and death. They were closer to Hamyuts than ordinary people. However, as Hamyuts wished for the very thing known as death, and they readied their resolve in acceptance of death, they were eventually unable to understand each other. Even inside Bantorra Library Hamyuts was abnormal. The thin film always stayed between Hamyuts and her surroundings.
She had never thought of them as her comrades from the bottom of her heart even once.
When she was promoted from a trainee to an official Armed Librarian a great ceremony had been held. At that time the Acting Director preached about readiness to the new comrades. Hamyuts heard it from Photona and even she herself preached to many of her subordinates. Hamyuts remembered one sentence from that.
“From the day we receive the name of an Armed Librarian we shall be bound by bonds that will never be severed. Our souls will, from this day forth, become one.
No matter where we live or where we die, our souls shall be one forevermore!”
What a laughingstock, thought Hamyuts. The one who’s speaking it never once believed it. The only thing the Library has given me is loneliness.
In the end nothing changed. She kept being lonely just like when she was when working as a seamstress.
Also, her days as an Armed Librarian didn’t give her the death at the end of mortal combat and despair.
Hamyuts became far too strong. She obtained her Sensory Threads, polished her stone throwing and bodily reinforcement Magic, and eventually became known as the strongest in the world. If she were weaker she would have been probably been killed.
Certainly Hamyuts had been cornered several times during the mortal combat against the Indulging God Cult. However, she was only cornered.
If she wanted to die then betraying and joining the Indulging God Cult so she could fight the Armed Librarians would be much better. Hamyuts was the one to realize the Armed Librarians’ powers the most. Although they preserved more than half of their fighting power including Yukizona, Bonbo and Ireia, they still overwhelmed the Cult. She was convinced that if they put forth their entire strength from the very beginning they would have won without it even reaching the Deep Blue Curse Rebellion.
Even if Hamyuts would betray them the advantageous position of the Armed Librarians should not change. Yukizona would have become a far superior commander to her. They have also been blessed with Mattalast, Ireia, Bonbo, Yuri and other supporters.
And, besides the time fighting the Cult, it was a boring time with not even a premonition of death.
The Armed Librarians gave her neither life as a human nor death as a tool.
If so, then were these decades meaningless for her?
I believe not, thought Hamyuts.
Photona Bardgamon once said to her. It was a short time before he lost to Mattalast.
“You are an extremely abnormal person. I can understand that. Even in light of that, I believe that you are the most suitable person for me to pass my seat to. Although abnormal, you are a good Armed Librarian. I cannot say this well, but… please take care of everyone.”
Photona had believed in Hamyuts and entrusted everything to her. He believed in her even as she were.
Ireia Kitty once said to her. Hamyuts had once challenged her when she was an apprentice. Grabbing the head of the defeated Hamyuts and raising her high, she spoke while bringing her face close.
“You want to be killed? That is not funny, Hamyuts. With that logic you should prostrate yourself and beg me to kill you, right? But even so I will not kill you.
This is an order: live. Live and continue fighting. I will not forgive you disobeying me. Going against the command of this great Ireia Kitty is unforgivable.”
Ireia was the only person to make Hamyuts feel awe. Pushed by her overwhelming spirit, she was the only person she was unable to defy.
Vizac Ziglass once said. It was immediately after Hamyuts had assumed office.
“Who would’ve thought you lass would become Acting Director. What has the world come to.
Can’t be helped though. Keep working until you grow up into an adult. Make me retire soon, Hamyuts Meseta.”
He had always been a nagging, troublesome leader. However, Hamyuts was thankful to see him not retire.
Volken Macmani once said. It was when he was still a young boy.
“Sister Hamyuts. I will definitely end up surpassing you. Until then please keep being the wall I must surpass. I will take over the seat of the Director from you.”
Due to both of their betrayals these words didn’t come true. However, despite the fact that his voice had yet to change and he was still showing her an adult face, she found him cute.
Minth Chezine once said. It was the day when he captured as bandit and taken to become an Armed Librarian.
“You’re nuts. There’s no other woman as crazy as you.
I see, so that’s why you need someone with common sense like me. You want this Minth Chezine to serve as your safety device.
…If someone like you is left unchecked who knows what might happen.”
Minth could always be said to have had a hostile relationship with her. Yet, as he had a kind heart he always fulfilled his role. No matter how many times they had clashed, he was her most dependable subordinate.
Yuri Hamlow once said. It was when Yukizona had been decided to become the next Acting Director.
“Director. Unfortunately, brother seems to feel uncomfortable about you. However, I ask that you do not be too angry at him. He is simply somewhat overly serious.
He still has plenty of things to learn from you. Because he still has to become a bit more of a villain.”
A somewhat overly serious older brother and his somewhat overly wicked little sister. Looking from the side they would appear to be an amusing pair. And it was her biggest pleasure as the head of the organization to raise good successors.
Mirepoc Finedell once said. It was when Hamyuts had received grievous injuries after the battle in Toatt Mining Town.
“Director! Stop that! Why are you trying to die! Do you realize what would happen if you die?! Please think about other people a little!
…Please don’t fool around at such a time! It’s not like I was crying or anything!”
Although Hamyuts thought of dying she had shouted at her not to die. That attitude was painful. At times she had felt guilt for using such a good girl.
Noloty Malche once said. It happened right after she had saved Enlike.
“Thank you, Director. I was able to save Enlike-san thanks to you.
…It seems that a lot has happened, but thank you very much.”
She had only used Noloty. Noloty also realized that, and yet she frankly thanked Hamyuts. Hamyuts was shocked by her kindness and goodness.
Also, Mattalast said many things.
At times as lover, at times as her ex. At times as her senior or junior, at times as her superior and her subordinate, at times as an accomplice to protect the secrets of the world, he had told Hamyuts countless words.
The pair have created far too many memories to recall.
Did I really have such good subordinates? And was I a good superior? Hamyuts wondered.
She didn’t think so. When she dies everyone will probably smile happily. For her selfishness, the desire of being killed, Hamyuts committed several bad deeds.
Then thin film separating Hamyuts and everyone else was never demolished.
And yet they have called her their comrade. Although she was merely a tool meant to kill Ruruta, they have treated her as human, as their comrade.
If it was them perhaps she could have connected to them. It made her dream that.
No matter how twisted she was, how crazy she was, how broken she was.
Even though she was chock-full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
Hamyuts loved the Armed Librarians in her own way.
She didn’t mind being a tool for killing Ruruta if it was for them. She loved them enough to think that.
Ruruta was running with Hamyuts chasing him. While running with her full speed she launched gravel bullets at Ruruta as he fluttered around like a drunk butterfly.
When he thought of evading he would be hit and when he thought of stopping in place he would run away. As Ruruta was afflicted by the pleasure of sweet death his actions had no consistency. His desire to lose and not to lose coexisted, making him repeat his mismatched movements.
I wonder if I also look like that to my enemies, wondered Hamyuts.
“…Oh, wah! …Oh! Curses! Hamyuts!”
The gravel bullets destroyed his vitals many times. They gouged out his heart, shot through his head, snapped his neck broken. However, his death was prevented by his overwhelming defensive powers as well as super regenerative ability.
But it was enough. Continuously receiving damage, Ruruta will definitely fold in before long. Hamyuts’s power was effective. The well-refined power of her sling was plenty enough to kill him.
Hamyuts shook with delight. She could defeat him. There was meaning to her life, to her existence, to the days she had spent as an Armed Librarian.
A single bullet hit Ruruta’s temporal region directly. Losing his balance, he headed down in a tailspin and crashed on the sand. Anticipating this and leaping ahead, Hamyuts fired a gravel bullet overhead.
A cloud of sand rose along with the moans of pleasure. Along with them fresh blood was scattered around and slices of meat were blown away. Even torn-off limbs were mixed in that. They have dried out immediately and became part of the Imaginary Entrails’ sand. Hamyuts probed inside the cloud using her Sensory Threads. Ruruta, looking nothing more than a mangled corpse, was inside.
“Not… yet, as if I’d die… at such, at such a place!”
As expected of Ruruta. Even that was not enough to fully kill him. As if mocking his vitality, Hamyuts landed on top of his chest. A voice of breaking bones and ripping meat echoed.
“No, you will die. Right here.”
Mercilessly pounding him with her shoe souls, she carefully destroyed Ruruta. I’ll turn you into a piece of meat that makes one puke at a glance. Thinking so, Hamyuts stepped on him.
“I won’t die… for, for Nieniu!”
The ensuing explosion was Ruruta’s desperate resistance. Hamyuts retreated and Ruruta tried running away while recovering his body. The battle – no, the one-sided massacre – only started.
At that time, Colio Tonies was desperately running around the desert. From behind him came the sounds of the pair fighting. It was the fight of the strongest man in the world against the warrior second to him. Colio would die instantly if he were wrapped up in that. He could only run away.
A pain ran through his back. It received a heavy blow when he had been thrown by Hamyuts. Since he was thrown downhill a sand dune and rolled hard on the sand he couldn’t move well.
After running for a while, Colio dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. Coming this far was probably fine.
Looking back, he could see the theatre. Although he thought that he ran for a while, it wasn’t much of a distance.
He could faintly see figures in the sky. They were probably Ruruta flying around like a bird and Hamyuts leaping about.
“…”
Colio thought back to what happened a while ago. His talk with Ruruta, Hamyuts’s appearance, and everything that happened since he was thrown away.
Hamyuts was a Ruruta assassin produced by Makia. He had no idea how she had entered his Imaginary Entrails nor how she planned on killing him, though.
Which of them will win? As far as Colio could see Hamyuts’s victory was assured. Hamyuts was triumphing and Ruruta was suffering in agony.
Ruruta was going to die. There wasn’t anything wrong with that. The destruction of the world will be avoided and the one to make people suffer will be gone. He should obviously die.
“…Right, die. Die, Ruruta.”
Colio muttered. Yet, the words he had spoken with Ruruta floated to the back of his mind.
‘I wanted to meet you. Is that not enough?’
‘You and I are the same. Only our positions are different.’
‘I want you to understand my feelings. You should be able to. You’re the only one who can.’
He was confused by his own feelings. Ruruta should die. Hamyuts had to win. There was nothing to doubt about that.
And yet, when he thought of Ruruta about to die, he felt terrible.
When he had met him he felt nothing but fear. In the end he was almost killed. And yet Colio wanted to see Ruruta again.
“…Shit!”
He couldn’t get it. Why was his chest aching so much?
Listening to the sounds of battle coming from afar, Colio held his head alone.
