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Published at 14th of February 2019 03:10:22 PM


Chapter 61

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-Ku Ze Yang's memories-

When I first met Shi Xue, we were still pretty young. I was a loner who had no friends, but she would always try to include me in her own friend circles. Even though nobody cared about my existence, she introduced and involved me in every meet up with her friends. Slowly, I fell in love with her and began to court her. Her smile was so innocent and transparent. Her thoughts were simple and caring. Whenever I felt lost or encountered something unpleasant, she would hold onto my hands as I told her what went wrong. I expected her to leave my side after losing interest, but she stayed by my side and comforted me when I needed encouragement. Even when I gave up on myself, she cheered me on. When others treated me as a nobody, she, a rich heiress, gave me warmth. She could've found a better person, yet her eyes only saw me. Only a silly girl like her would fall for a guy like me.

Those innocent days were short lived, but filled with happiness. Everything started to change when I met Qi Wing. Ever since our first meeting, she gave me meaningful glances. There were times where she asked me out behind Shi Xue's back. At that time, I rejected every meeting she requested. It wasn't until we met by coincidence that she mentioned helping me achieve what I wanted and yearned for the most. Her words were deeply imprinted on my mind.

Back then, I really wanted to become one with Shi Xue, but she refused sexual intercourse before marriage. She promised that after we get married, her body and heart would be mine. I would react with a fake smile as I controlled the boner in my pants. She didn't understand what I wished for or wanted. I began to question whether living a simple life is really what I wanted... My heart felt like there was a huge hole in it and emptiness started to fill in that gap...

On our anniversary night, Qi Wing interrupted with a phone call to Shi Xue telling her that she was drunk and at a bar. She didn't have her wallet or purse so she couldn't leave. Shi Xue didn't hesitate and quickly told me to go get Qi Wing. It's because of her innocent mindset that casted me further away from her side.

When I reached the bar, Qi Wing was not only not drunk, she was flirting with other men. My hands clenched to a fist as I approached her with an angered expression. Later, she told me how heartbroken she was as she shed tears and wrapped her arms around me. She was flirting with these men that all looked like me to forget about me. She mentioned the many business events where she introduced me to business partners and said good words for my sake. Yet, all she received were my rejections. My heart ached as she cried in my arms speaking about all her effort and doings for me. I already forgot how we ended up at the motel in the honeymoon suite room where rose petals traced a heart shape on the bed and the lights were dimmed. When we reached the bedroom, she whispered into my ears that she's willing to be all mine and that she wasn't drunk at all. She was never as clear headed as now. That night, we gave each other our first time. The deed was done and we can no longer return to how we used to be.

After that, I would make excuses to not be home for dinner and sometimes not come home overnight to stay with Qi Wing. Shi Xue never suspected my reasons for not coming home. I remember on Shi Xue's birthday, she made a candlelit dinner, but I didn't come home till the next morning. She was sleeping on the kitchen table with the dress she bought for herself. I saw the cold hardened steak on the table with a straight face. I looked at the sleeping woman whose slender pale hands had oil stains from cooking. Maybe back then, I would quickly blow on her hands and ask her if she was alright and to not cook again. But that moment, I felt nothing in my heart for her. I threw away the heart shaped steaks that she probably spent hours on making. I threw away the candles and woke her up from her sleep instead of bringing her to the bed or putting a blanket around her. When she woke up, I didn't even bother telling her "happy late birthday" or get her any gift. She smiled sweetly at me and told me "welcome back," and never mentioned that night again...

I started getting annoyed having to come home to this woman who always smiled and cooked meals for me. I saw her and thought of how fake she must be acting like this all the damn time. Whenever my work didn't go smoothly and I didn't get to see Qi Wing, I would lash out my anger on her. I would scream and shout at her for something that she didn't do wrong on. I would throw tantrums and objects at her when she asked me simple questions about my meals. After some time, we spoke less to each other. The time we spent together drastically decreased as I no longer cared about her. Qi Wing told me that I still needed her support because she held most of the shares for the company. I hated her so much whenever she apologized after I threw my attitude and harsh words towards her. She was like a living doll repeating the same words over and over.

I didn't understand why I was this angry towards her...but one time, she told me she wanted to break up. After those two words left her mouth, I acted impulsively and choked her. I got so irritated that I held onto her throat and squeezed using all my strength. It wasn't until her legs and arms loosened and her eyes were bloodshot red that I took my hands off her now bruised neck. She started coughing and tearing on the counter as I smashed all the objects that were breakable in the apartment. Again.... I heard her mumble in her choked voice "I'm sorry"




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