Chapter 2
It’s only now that I got into this miserable state, had it been like when I was still a kid, ain’t no girls would be able to spin me around. It had only been me “spinning” them like crickets.
I must admit that, back then, I had much more of a presence in front of girls.
My guts twist every time, thinking about it.
I just told Tieu Li the other day to call me over whenever there’s something fun to play and she called me the day right after.
She held a rope, shaking it in front of me.
“Wanna play rope-jumping with me?”
I pouted:
“I don’t want to play a game for girls!”
She ‘hmph!’ at me:
“Guys can play too you know!”
I squinted my eyes:
“Who told you that?”
“I don’t need anyone to tell me that! A bunch of guys in my school played rope-jumping!”
I licked my lips:
“Really?”
“Really”
“Then I’ll play.”
Having that said, I snatched the rope from Tieu Li’s hand.
She yelled:
“Let me jump first to show you.”
I snorted:
“I don’t need to! Don’t treat me like…a kid!”
I swung the rope over my head, telling Tieu Li:
“Count to see how many hundreds can I jump!”
Tieu Li giggled:
“You’re just bluffing! At most 50!”
I clicked my tongue once, raising my tone:
“If I’m going to do it, why just 50?”
But I only reached 7 jumps. At the eighth one, the rope tangled my leg suddenly and I fell head-on forward, slamming my face on the ground as if hit by lightning.
Tieu Li ran to support me in utter surprise. I sluggishly sat up, aching all over my body.
Looking at my face, Tieu Li yelled:
“My god! Your forehead swelled up!”
I lifted my hand and touched my forehead and asked, worried:
“Is it bleeding?”
Tieu Li shook her head:
“No, but it’s turning purple.”
I frowned and ordered her:
“Go find me some oil!” (TN: It’s not cooking oil btw, it’s oil with medical effects)
Tieu Li looked me hesitantly:
“Maybe let me help you into the house first?”
I retorted:
“You’re so dumb! I can’t go inside like this! You want me to get beat up?”
Seeing me getting angry, Tieu Li hurriedly ran away.
A little while later she came back with a bottle of oil:
“Would this work?”
I didn’t even bother looking:
“Whatever is fine! Apply it for me!”
Tieu Li obediently listened to my orders. But as she just touched my forehead, I shook her hand away, raising my voice:
“Is your hand made of iron or something! Hurts so much!”
Tieu Li blinked her eyes:
“I did it gently!”
I snorted:
“Gently my butt!”
Then seeing her fidgeting with the oil bottle, I urged:
“Don’t just stand there! Apply it!”
This time Tieu Li didn’t sweep her hand left and right anymore, she applied the oil on my swell gently, and softly. All the while, making pained sounds with her mouth.
I frowned:
“What are you doing! It’s your fault!”
“Why me?”
“You’re asking me that! You called me over to play rope-jumping!”
Tieu Li was surprised:
“But you told me to call you if there’s anything to play!”
I frowned:
“I meant other games! It hurts to fell when rope-jumping!”
“It’s your fault! I never fell, playing this!”
“We’re different! You’re a girl!”
I cleared my throat and continued:
“On top of that, they usually play rope-jumping with rubber-rope, not this rope! If it was a rubber-rope then I wouldn’t have fallen.” (TN: A long-ass rope made by putting rubber bands together)
Seeing me accusing her so much, Tieu Li quietly applied the oil, not arguing one word.
The next day, Tieu Li came running, showing me a rubber-rope. She was excited:
“Here’s a rubber-rope!”
I shrugged:
“I don’t care! I’m not playing rope-jumping anymore!” (TN: This nigga LMAO)
I made Tieu Li disappointed. She sat flatly on the ground and wrapped the rubber bands around her wrist, one round after another, with a sad face.
After a while of putting on airs, I suddenly felt pity for Tieu Li, saying:
“Give me the rubber band!”
Her eyes shone:
“Are you jumping?”
“Jumping my butt! I’m making a sling.”
Tieu Li stared at me:
“Eh, if you make a sling, what do I have left to play?”
I pressed my voice:
“Idiot! Why rope-jumping! Let me make a sling, get a couple tens of birds everyday and rôtir them, that’s way better!” (TN: Rôtir is a French cooking method, c’mon, you already saw this word reading Shokugeki no Souma)
Tieu Li widened her eyes:
“A couple of tens?”
I nodded:
“That’s right! It can even be more! If I’m in the mood, I’ll shoot hundreds of them.”
Having done making the sling, I ordered Tieu Li to go collect rocks as bullets.
She ran away for a bit, and brought back a load of rocks before me.
From that bunch, I selected 4, 5 good ones, then threw the rest away.
Tieu Li was bewildered:
“Why did you throw them all away?”
I replied, my tone scolding:
“You sure don’t know how to pick rocks!”
As I said that, I held out the ones in my hand:
“You have to pick the round ones like these!”
Tieu Li snorted:
“You didn’t tell me, I didn’t know.”
I squinted my eyes:
“Do you know now?”
Tieu Li said honestly:
“I do know.”
I pointed with my chin:
“Then go pick up some more!”
Tieu Li wiped the sweat on her forehead:
“Right now?”
“Yeah, now.”
With all “armaments” prepared, I dragged Tieu Li along, peeking from under the bushes. But for 3 consecutive days, I got zero birds.
Tieu Li asked, feeling anxious:
“How come you always miss?”
Embarrassed, and pissed at the same time, I scowled:
“It’s your fault!” (TN: hahaha I swear to god this nigga…)
Tieu Li was scared:
“I didn’t do anything!”
I bluffed:
“Seeing you, the birds didn’t stay still for me to shoot.”
“Why is that?”
“I have no clue. Ask the birds!”
Tieu Li had a sad face:
“Then I’ll stay home tomorrow, I won’t follow you.”
I made a sound with my mouth:
“Yeah, stay home! I’m staying home too!”
“Eh, why aren’t you going?”
I sighed:
“I don’t like bird-shooting anymore.”
Saying so, I threw the sling into the bush before Tieu Li’s bewildered face.
On the way home, Tieu Li asked me:
“Then what are you playing next after this?”
“I don’t know. You come up with something for me!”
“Why don’t you come up with something?”
I stuttered:
“Me? I gotta think about…other things!”
Even if I said so I had no idea what was that ‘other thing’. Luckily Tieu Li didn’t press for the answer. She just gladly nodded:
“Yeah, let me think. If I think of something, I’ll call you.”
Seeing her obeyed me, I happily thought: this girl is naive!
○
Then I grew up, and everything changed completely.
Viet An asked me:
“Did you finish reading “The white ship”?”
“Just half of the book.”
Viet An frowned:
“Why are you so slow? Hurry up, I need to lend that to Hong Hoa.”
“I’ll return it soon.” (TN: Soon™)
“No soon or anything! Read it tonight, and return it to me next morning.”
I broke out in sweat:
“How can I read that fast?”
“Why not?”
“I have to sleep!”
“Then don’t sleep!” (TN: No, seriously, this chick is Yukinoshita’s cousin or something…)
I actually didn’t sleep that night. I stayed up til 3 in the morning to finish the book. In the morning, my face was rubbish.
When I gave the book back to Viet An, she looked at me carefully:
“What did you do that your face is so terrible?”
I scratched my head:
“I was reading til 3 o’clock this morning.”
Viet An flinched:
“Uwaa, I was joking and you really did it?” (TN: Actual text is “Oh god” but this Japanese vibe sounds better so I took my opportunity)
My smile twisted:
“I didn’t know you were joking.”
Viet An was troubled before my naivetivity. She took out a candy from her bag and gave it to me:
“It’s for you!”
I took the candy as if holding a comforting gift, my stomach was dancing with a strange feeling.
Seeing me keep holding onto the candy, Viet An urged:
“Eat it!”
“I’m saving it.”
“For what purpose?”
I was about to say ‘souvenir’ but for some reasons avoided it in the last moment: (TN: For Academic Pupose)
“For when I’m hungry.”
Viet An giggled:
“Who would eat candy when they’re hungry!”
Having said that, she took out another candy and gave me:
“If you’re saving the other one then eat this one.”
I tried to refuse, flustered:
“Viet An eat it!”
She shook her bag:
“There’s a bunch in here.”
I got curious:
“Where did you get so many?”
“I bought them!”
“Viet An likes eating candies?”
“Yeah.”
I swallowed my saliva:
“Then from tomorrow on Viet An doesn’t need to buy anymore!”
“Why?”
I said half-assedly:
“Somebody will buy for Viet An.”
Viet An blinked her eyes:
“Who is it?”
I averted my eyes:
“I don’t know.”
Viet An smiled:
“But I know.”
I tried my best to keep my voice calm:
“Who is it?”
Viet An looked straight into my eyes, her voice straightforward:
“It’s you!”
Before my flustered expressions, she naturally continued:
“I even know why are you buying me candies!”
I flinched, my heart banged against my chest. Could it be that Viet An is revealing all of my hearty feelings right here? I asked with a bewildered voice:
“Why?”
Viet An brushed her hair:
“Because you want to reflect on splashing ink on me the other day.”
I exhaled, half relieved half disappointed. At the same time, I learned that girls are a kind of creature that hold a grudge. That incident was days ago and yet Viet An is still mentioning it today.
I bit my lips:
“It’s not like that! I forgot about that!”
“How come? I thought you’d always remember?”
I made a sound with my mouth:
“Why would I?”
Viet An laughed:
“In order to buy me candies.”
With that way of speaking of hers, I had no way to rebuke, thus I just laughed along. What’s worse is that, my smile right now isn’t any from that 6 “golden” styles!
Since then, everyday my pocket is filled with candies. Whenever it’s break time or on the way home, seeing nobody around, I shoved it into Viet An’s hand.
But Viet An didn’t eat the candies alone. She was close to Hong Hoa and Chieu Minh so she had to split everything into three, especially things with glucose. (TN: Nah, Thu…you won’t sound like Hachiman even with this kind of cheeky intellect)
Since the day I found out about this troublesome relationship, I had to buy triple everything: 3 guavas, 3 ambarella fruits, 3 bars of chocolate, it was as if I loved 3 people instead of one.
In order to serve this restless “union of consumption”, I had to steel my guts and cut off my coffee, books and newspapers, cut off my movies tickets and completely broke up with billards.
After many times of failing to call me out to the billards with him, ‘thin’ Hai got curious:
“Are you becoming a monk?”
“Nah! Recently I’m busy…studying.”
‘Thin’ Hai looked at me with suspicious eyes:
“Liar!”
“I’m for real.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Then screw you! Lend me a couple hundreds!” (TN: In terms of money. And FYI, 1 USD was around 16,000 VND that time. I could be very wrong here, but oh well)
“For what?”
“That’s my business!”
‘Thin’ Hai didn’t bother asking anymore. He took out money and gave it to me.
Waiting for him to go away, I happily ran with the money to buy…candies.
Despite my efforts, I didn’t get to have peace, one day Hong Hoa told me:
“Why aren’t you buying mut mang cau?” (TN: click the link for more info.)
Another day I was played, mentally, by Chieu Minh:
“Viet An likes eating grapes a lot!”
Thus I bought mut mang cau. Then bought grapes. But the market didn’t just sell those two, I bought longans. After longans, it was purple mangosteens. After that, I came to ‘thin’ Hai:
“You have money left?”
‘Thin’ Hai raised his eyebrows:
“For what?”
“Lend me.”
“You just borrowed some recently!”
“Then I’m borrowing more!”
‘Thin’ Hai stared at me:
“What are you spending so much on!”
I shrugged:
“That’s my business!”
However this time ‘thin’ Hai didn’t let me pull that off anymore. She squinted his eyes:
“No money if you don’t talk.”
Pressured by ‘thin’ Hai, I got pissed, and was about to leave. But if I left then I would have no way to dig out some money to buy “offerings” for Viet An. Thinking so, I sighed and reported everything about my “historical love affairs” to ‘thin’ Hai.
After hearing everything, ‘thin’ Hai stiffened his face, asking:
“Do you know the donkey?”
I stared blankly:
“Yeah I do! But why?”
‘Thin’ Hai snorted:
“You’re a dumb-ass!” (TN: Praise me!!! I transferred that pun perfectly cross-language!!!)
My face became red:
“Just screw you!”
‘Thin’ Hai casually said:
“That’s true! You’re giving money to the girls all out of the blue!”
I clicked my tongue:
“You just don’t know! Everybody’s like that when they’re in love!”
He made a “sszz” sound:
“What kind of love is that? Why isn’t she buying something for you but just you buying things for her?”
I stuttered:
“Viet An…lent me books.”
‘Thin’ Hai broke out in laughters:
“What’s with lending books! Has she ever gifted you anything?”
I shook my head:
“No.”
“Then she doesn’t love you?”
“She doesn’t!”
‘Thin’ Hai widened his eyes:
“Then just you loving her?”
I sighed:
“That’s right! I told you earlier!” (TN: Souda!! Ittandarou?!)
‘Thin’ Hai nodded:
“Then I get it now! This is one-sided love. It’s like a one-way, with no returning directions.”
Then he clicked his tongue, commenting:
“If it’s like that you’d rather not fall in love at all!”
My pride got provoked:
“What if Viet An also loves me?”
He shook his face:
“Base on what?”
“Nothing!” – I replied with a flustered voice – “I’m just guessing so!”
‘Thin’ Hai shook his hand:
“You can’t just guess in love! You need to base it off of scientific proofs!”
I scratched my ear:
“Where do those scientific proofs come from?”
He acted self-important:
“We need to create them!”
I went from this question to another:
“Using what?”
“Using letters.”
I suddenly realized:
“Are you telling me to write letters to Viet An?”
“Obviously! You write, I’ll offer advice!”
I shook my head vigorously:
“Nope, I’m not playing that kind of game! If she shows it to everyone while she’s at it, I’ll drop out from school.”
‘Thin’ Hai laughed:
“Who told you to write too long! Keep it short within one sentence: “Viet An… Thu”. Only 3 words. Down below you add a few words “love”, “don’t love” or maybe “not yet to love”, “almost love” just for variation, and diversity. Then you tell her to pick the word that suits her feelings and fill it into the blank above. Then, she’ll give it back to you.” (TN: X gon’ give it to ya)
I frowned:
“You’re making love letters sound like grammar assignments!”
‘Thin’ Hai tapped my shoulder:
“I told you it’s a scientific test! Else you can just write “Viet An loves Thu” and “Viet And doesn’t love Thu”, after every sentence you draw a box then tell her to check the suitable box. Like in a multiple choice test!”
I threw my arms to the sky: (TN: BANZAAAIII!!!)
“Nope, nope, I am not listening to your dumb jokes!”
‘Thin’ Hai made a dark face:
“You’re calling genius ideas dumb jokes!”
I shrank my neck:
“Doing as you say, if she ticks in “don’t love” I’d be dead.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that! If that happens you’ll get back to be human, not a donkey anymore!” (TN: This dude is savage pfftt)
I laughed:
“I like being a donkey more.”
Seeing me so passionate about playing the role of a donkey for Viet An (and Hong Hoa and Chieu Minh) to lead by the nose, ‘thin’ Hai sighed in utter resignation:
“Screw you! Go ahead and be the donkey!”
I held out my hand:
“Gimme money!”
‘Thin’ Hai frowned, taking out his money, gave it to me and turned his heels in one go.
Chapter 2
It’s only now that I got into this miserable state, had it been like when I was still a kid, ain’t no girls would be able to spin me around. It had only been me “spinning” them like crickets.
I must admit that, back then, I had much more of a presence in front of girls.
My guts twist every time, thinking about it.
I just told Tieu Li the other day to call me over whenever there’s something fun to play and she called me the day right after.
She held a rope, shaking it in front of me.
“Wanna play rope-jumping with me?”
I pouted:
“I don’t want to play a game for girls!”
She ‘hmph!’ at me:
“Guys can play too you know!”
I squinted my eyes:
“Who told you that?”
“I don’t need anyone to tell me that! A bunch of guys in my school played rope-jumping!”
I licked my lips:
“Really?”
“Really”
“Then I’ll play.”
Having that said, I snatched the rope from Tieu Li’s hand.
She yelled:
“Let me jump first to show you.”
I snorted:
“I don’t need to! Don’t treat me like…a kid!”
I swung the rope over my head, telling Tieu Li:
“Count to see how many hundreds can I jump!”
Tieu Li giggled:
“You’re just bluffing! At most 50!”
I clicked my tongue once, raising my tone:
“If I’m going to do it, why just 50?”
But I only reached 7 jumps. At the eighth one, the rope tangled my leg suddenly and I fell head-on forward, slamming my face on the ground as if hit by lightning.
Tieu Li ran to support me in utter surprise. I sluggishly sat up, aching all over my body.
Looking at my face, Tieu Li yelled:
“My god! Your forehead swelled up!”
I lifted my hand and touched my forehead and asked, worried:
“Is it bleeding?”
Tieu Li shook her head:
“No, but it’s turning purple.”
I frowned and ordered her:
“Go find me some oil!” (TN: It’s not cooking oil btw, it’s oil with medical effects)
Tieu Li looked me hesitantly:
“Maybe let me help you into the house first?”
I retorted:
“You’re so dumb! I can’t go inside like this! You want me to get beat up?”
Seeing me getting angry, Tieu Li hurriedly ran away.
A little while later she came back with a bottle of oil:
“Would this work?”
I didn’t even bother looking:
“Whatever is fine! Apply it for me!”
Tieu Li obediently listened to my orders. But as she just touched my forehead, I shook her hand away, raising my voice:
“Is your hand made of iron or something! Hurts so much!”
Tieu Li blinked her eyes:
“I did it gently!”
I snorted:
“Gently my butt!”
Then seeing her fidgeting with the oil bottle, I urged:
“Don’t just stand there! Apply it!”
This time Tieu Li didn’t sweep her hand left and right anymore, she applied the oil on my swell gently, and softly. All the while, making pained sounds with her mouth.
I frowned:
“What are you doing! It’s your fault!”
“Why me?”
“You’re asking me that! You called me over to play rope-jumping!”
Tieu Li was surprised:
“But you told me to call you if there’s anything to play!”
I frowned:
“I meant other games! It hurts to fell when rope-jumping!”
“It’s your fault! I never fell, playing this!”
“We’re different! You’re a girl!”
I cleared my throat and continued:
“On top of that, they usually play rope-jumping with rubber-rope, not this rope! If it was a rubber-rope then I wouldn’t have fallen.” (TN: A long-ass rope made by putting rubber bands together)
Seeing me accusing her so much, Tieu Li quietly applied the oil, not arguing one word.
The next day, Tieu Li came running, showing me a rubber-rope. She was excited:
“Here’s a rubber-rope!”
I shrugged:
“I don’t care! I’m not playing rope-jumping anymore!” (TN: This nigga LMAO)
I made Tieu Li disappointed. She sat flatly on the ground and wrapped the rubber bands around her wrist, one round after another, with a sad face.
After a while of putting on airs, I suddenly felt pity for Tieu Li, saying:
“Give me the rubber band!”
Her eyes shone:
“Are you jumping?”
“Jumping my butt! I’m making a sling.”
Tieu Li stared at me:
“Eh, if you make a sling, what do I have left to play?”
I pressed my voice:
“Idiot! Why rope-jumping! Let me make a sling, get a couple tens of birds everyday and rôtir them, that’s way better!” (TN: Rôtir is a French cooking method, c’mon, you already saw this word reading Shokugeki no Souma)
Tieu Li widened her eyes:
“A couple of tens?”
I nodded:
“That’s right! It can even be more! If I’m in the mood, I’ll shoot hundreds of them.”
Having done making the sling, I ordered Tieu Li to go collect rocks as bullets.
She ran away for a bit, and brought back a load of rocks before me.
From that bunch, I selected 4, 5 good ones, then threw the rest away.
Tieu Li was bewildered:
“Why did you throw them all away?”
I replied, my tone scolding:
“You sure don’t know how to pick rocks!”
As I said that, I held out the ones in my hand:
“You have to pick the round ones like these!”
Tieu Li snorted:
“You didn’t tell me, I didn’t know.”
I squinted my eyes:
“Do you know now?”
Tieu Li said honestly:
“I do know.”
I pointed with my chin:
“Then go pick up some more!”
Tieu Li wiped the sweat on her forehead:
“Right now?”
“Yeah, now.”
With all “armaments” prepared, I dragged Tieu Li along, peeking from under the bushes. But for 3 consecutive days, I got zero birds.
Tieu Li asked, feeling anxious:
“How come you always miss?”
Embarrassed, and pissed at the same time, I scowled:
“It’s your fault!” (TN: hahaha I swear to god this nigga…)
Tieu Li was scared:
“I didn’t do anything!”
I bluffed:
“Seeing you, the birds didn’t stay still for me to shoot.”
“Why is that?”
“I have no clue. Ask the birds!”
Tieu Li had a sad face:
“Then I’ll stay home tomorrow, I won’t follow you.”
I made a sound with my mouth:
“Yeah, stay home! I’m staying home too!”
“Eh, why aren’t you going?”
I sighed:
“I don’t like bird-shooting anymore.”
Saying so, I threw the sling into the bush before Tieu Li’s bewildered face.
On the way home, Tieu Li asked me:
“Then what are you playing next after this?”
“I don’t know. You come up with something for me!”
“Why don’t you come up with something?”
I stuttered:
“Me? I gotta think about…other things!”
Even if I said so I had no idea what was that ‘other thing’. Luckily Tieu Li didn’t press for the answer. She just gladly nodded:
“Yeah, let me think. If I think of something, I’ll call you.”
Seeing her obeyed me, I happily thought: this girl is naive!
○
Then I grew up, and everything changed completely.
Viet An asked me:
“Did you finish reading “The white ship”?”
“Just half of the book.”
Viet An frowned:
“Why are you so slow? Hurry up, I need to lend that to Hong Hoa.”
“I’ll return it soon.” (TN: Soon™)
“No soon or anything! Read it tonight, and return it to me next morning.”
I broke out in sweat:
“How can I read that fast?”
“Why not?”
“I have to sleep!”
“Then don’t sleep!” (TN: No, seriously, this chick is Yukinoshita’s cousin or something…)
I actually didn’t sleep that night. I stayed up til 3 in the morning to finish the book. In the morning, my face was rubbish.
When I gave the book back to Viet An, she looked at me carefully:
“What did you do that your face is so terrible?”
I scratched my head:
“I was reading til 3 o’clock this morning.”
Viet An flinched:
“Uwaa, I was joking and you really did it?” (TN: Actual text is “Oh god” but this Japanese vibe sounds better so I took my opportunity)
My smile twisted:
“I didn’t know you were joking.”
Viet An was troubled before my naivetivity. She took out a candy from her bag and gave it to me:
“It’s for you!”
I took the candy as if holding a comforting gift, my stomach was dancing with a strange feeling.
Seeing me keep holding onto the candy, Viet An urged:
“Eat it!”
“I’m saving it.”
“For what purpose?”
I was about to say ‘souvenir’ but for some reasons avoided it in the last moment: (TN: For Academic Pupose)
“For when I’m hungry.”
Viet An giggled:
“Who would eat candy when they’re hungry!”
Having said that, she took out another candy and gave me:
“If you’re saving the other one then eat this one.”
I tried to refuse, flustered:
“Viet An eat it!”
She shook her bag:
“There’s a bunch in here.”
I got curious:
“Where did you get so many?”
“I bought them!”
“Viet An likes eating candies?”
“Yeah.”
I swallowed my saliva:
“Then from tomorrow on Viet An doesn’t need to buy anymore!”
“Why?”
I said half-assedly:
“Somebody will buy for Viet An.”
Viet An blinked her eyes:
“Who is it?”
I averted my eyes:
“I don’t know.”
Viet An smiled:
“But I know.”
I tried my best to keep my voice calm:
“Who is it?”
Viet An looked straight into my eyes, her voice straightforward:
“It’s you!”
Before my flustered expressions, she naturally continued:
“I even know why are you buying me candies!”
I flinched, my heart banged against my chest. Could it be that Viet An is revealing all of my hearty feelings right here? I asked with a bewildered voice:
“Why?”
Viet An brushed her hair:
“Because you want to reflect on splashing ink on me the other day.”
I exhaled, half relieved half disappointed. At the same time, I learned that girls are a kind of creature that hold a grudge. That incident was days ago and yet Viet An is still mentioning it today.
I bit my lips:
“It’s not like that! I forgot about that!”
“How come? I thought you’d always remember?”
I made a sound with my mouth:
“Why would I?”
Viet An laughed:
“In order to buy me candies.”
With that way of speaking of hers, I had no way to rebuke, thus I just laughed along. What’s worse is that, my smile right now isn’t any from that 6 “golden” styles!
Since then, everyday my pocket is filled with candies. Whenever it’s break time or on the way home, seeing nobody around, I shoved it into Viet An’s hand.
But Viet An didn’t eat the candies alone. She was close to Hong Hoa and Chieu Minh so she had to split everything into three, especially things with glucose. (TN: Nah, Thu…you won’t sound like Hachiman even with this kind of cheeky intellect)
Since the day I found out about this troublesome relationship, I had to buy triple everything: 3 guavas, 3 ambarella fruits, 3 bars of chocolate, it was as if I loved 3 people instead of one.
In order to serve this restless “union of consumption”, I had to steel my guts and cut off my coffee, books and newspapers, cut off my movies tickets and completely broke up with billards.
After many times of failing to call me out to the billards with him, ‘thin’ Hai got curious:
“Are you becoming a monk?”
“Nah! Recently I’m busy…studying.”
‘Thin’ Hai looked at me with suspicious eyes:
“Liar!”
“I’m for real.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Then screw you! Lend me a couple hundreds!” (TN: In terms of money. And FYI, 1 USD was around 16,000 VND that time. I could be very wrong here, but oh well)
“For what?”
“That’s my business!”
‘Thin’ Hai didn’t bother asking anymore. He took out money and gave it to me.
Waiting for him to go away, I happily ran with the money to buy…candies.
Despite my efforts, I didn’t get to have peace, one day Hong Hoa told me:
“Why aren’t you buying mut mang cau?” (TN: click the link for more info.)
Another day I was played, mentally, by Chieu Minh:
“Viet An likes eating grapes a lot!”
Thus I bought mut mang cau. Then bought grapes. But the market didn’t just sell those two, I bought longans. After longans, it was purple mangosteens. After that, I came to ‘thin’ Hai:
“You have money left?”
‘Thin’ Hai raised his eyebrows:
“For what?”
“Lend me.”
“You just borrowed some recently!”
“Then I’m borrowing more!”
‘Thin’ Hai stared at me:
“What are you spending so much on!”
I shrugged:
“That’s my business!”
However this time ‘thin’ Hai didn’t let me pull that off anymore. She squinted his eyes:
“No money if you don’t talk.”
Pressured by ‘thin’ Hai, I got pissed, and was about to leave. But if I left then I would have no way to dig out some money to buy “offerings” for Viet An. Thinking so, I sighed and reported everything about my “historical love affairs” to ‘thin’ Hai.
After hearing everything, ‘thin’ Hai stiffened his face, asking:
“Do you know the donkey?”
I stared blankly:
“Yeah I do! But why?”
‘Thin’ Hai snorted:
“You’re a dumb-ass!” (TN: Praise me!!! I transferred that pun perfectly cross-language!!!)
My face became red:
“Just screw you!”
‘Thin’ Hai casually said:
“That’s true! You’re giving money to the girls all out of the blue!”
I clicked my tongue:
“You just don’t know! Everybody’s like that when they’re in love!”
He made a “sszz” sound:
“What kind of love is that? Why isn’t she buying something for you but just you buying things for her?”
I stuttered:
“Viet An…lent me books.”
‘Thin’ Hai broke out in laughters:
“What’s with lending books! Has she ever gifted you anything?”
I shook my head:
“No.”
“Then she doesn’t love you?”
“She doesn’t!”
‘Thin’ Hai widened his eyes:
“Then just you loving her?”
I sighed:
“That’s right! I told you earlier!” (TN: Souda!! Ittandarou?!)
‘Thin’ Hai nodded:
“Then I get it now! This is one-sided love. It’s like a one-way, with no returning directions.”
Then he clicked his tongue, commenting:
“If it’s like that you’d rather not fall in love at all!”
My pride got provoked:
“What if Viet An also loves me?”
He shook his face:
“Base on what?”
“Nothing!” – I replied with a flustered voice – “I’m just guessing so!”
‘Thin’ Hai shook his hand:
“You can’t just guess in love! You need to base it off of scientific proofs!”
I scratched my ear:
“Where do those scientific proofs come from?”
He acted self-important:
“We need to create them!”
I went from this question to another:
“Using what?”
“Using letters.”
I suddenly realized:
“Are you telling me to write letters to Viet An?”
“Obviously! You write, I’ll offer advice!”
I shook my head vigorously:
“Nope, I’m not playing that kind of game! If she shows it to everyone while she’s at it, I’ll drop out from school.”
‘Thin’ Hai laughed:
“Who told you to write too long! Keep it short within one sentence: “Viet An… Thu”. Only 3 words. Down below you add a few words “love”, “don’t love” or maybe “not yet to love”, “almost love” just for variation, and diversity. Then you tell her to pick the word that suits her feelings and fill it into the blank above. Then, she’ll give it back to you.” (TN: X gon’ give it to ya)
I frowned:
“You’re making love letters sound like grammar assignments!”
‘Thin’ Hai tapped my shoulder:
“I told you it’s a scientific test! Else you can just write “Viet An loves Thu” and “Viet And doesn’t love Thu”, after every sentence you draw a box then tell her to check the suitable box. Like in a multiple choice test!”
I threw my arms to the sky: (TN: BANZAAAIII!!!)
“Nope, nope, I am not listening to your dumb jokes!”
‘Thin’ Hai made a dark face:
“You’re calling genius ideas dumb jokes!”
I shrank my neck:
“Doing as you say, if she ticks in “don’t love” I’d be dead.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that! If that happens you’ll get back to be human, not a donkey anymore!” (TN: This dude is savage pfftt)
I laughed:
“I like being a donkey more.”
Seeing me so passionate about playing the role of a donkey for Viet An (and Hong Hoa and Chieu Minh) to lead by the nose, ‘thin’ Hai sighed in utter resignation:
“Screw you! Go ahead and be the donkey!”
I held out my hand:
“Gimme money!”
‘Thin’ Hai frowned, taking out his money, gave it to me and turned his heels in one go.
