Translated by: whosays25
/16/ Hanneul’s Wish
Some futures are unavoidable. Sometimes, things were not meant to be changed. There’s only one thing you can do; accept. We were forced to accept things no matter how good or bad they were. One example is accepting the cruelty of reality.
“Her condition worsened.”
There were many random errors in life, things that happened naturally and cannot be controlled by humans.
Hanneul’s time has to come. The time allotted for her to spend here in this world will be running out soon, and if only I could ask Him why. Why her? Why take already the life lent to this child whose full of innocent dreams? And I also want to ask…why me? Why does it have to be me who would see the fate of every people?
“Hija.” Someone tapped my shoulder. Head nurse Rosalia nodded at me, signalling me to come in.
“She’s been waiting for you, Jillianne.” Hanneul’s mom said to me while holding back her tears. I knew what will happen next. I took a deep breath first before I opened the door. I need to do this because there is no more time left. The future I saw two years ago…
“U-unni.” She’s looking fragile. I could see through her eyes, she’s tired. Her little body was still fighting and struggling against the pain. “Unni… A-any-eong.” It means ‘hello’ in Korea. She waved her hand, weakly.
“Hi.” I smiled. Her hair was completely gone. Beside her bed were huge apparatuses which she almost grew up with.
“Unni?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
I didn’t reply. I don’t know what’s feeling grateful for.
“Unni?” She called again.
“Hmm?” I approached her and sat next to her bedding.
“I dreamed last night.” Even though it was weak, the joy could still be hinted from her voice. “I saw you.”
“Really?” I insisted on showing enthusiasm.
“Remember when we first met here?” she said, then the things she wanted me to recall registered in my mind. “You had a long beautiful hair and you were always smiling.”
“Hanneul?”
“Yes, unni?”
I stared for a moment before I dropped those words…
“Please don’t go yet.” And there’s a long silence. I know what I said was senseless. Things would no longer change just for those words.
“Unni…” There’s no indication of sadness or fear from her face, “I’m sorry… It hurts so much… I’m going…” She gave a weak smile. So, she already knew. After struggling for so long, she chose this. No, she didn’t give up, she accepted the fact of dying. She accepted because there’s no more choice…and chance left. She’s been preparing herself for so long, to not be afraid of death. This is the path that Hanneul chose.
“Unni,” I sticked closer to her to hear what she will say…the last things she will say.
“Please bring back your smile.”
The things which happened next were unexpected. I remained on one corner while there was chaos inside the room. It was faster than lightning, it didn’t allow me to notice. I just learned that Head Nurse Rosalia pulled me out that place and tried to calm me through some words.
I was left standing. I thought the world was spinning and that everything was in a fast-forward. After some time, I saw the door opened. I heard her family’s mournful cries after the doctor gave the words,
“I’m sorry, but we did everything.”
Miracles. It’s just an option taken. I realized it’s not enough to just believe for a miracle to happen.
***
“Please bring back your smile.” That was Hanneul’s wish to me.
I remained standing at her side…while…not being able to do anything. I couldn’t help it but to just watch her…dying. It’s not really my fault that had happened, but I couldn’t help blaming myself.
Why Morie? How many times have you blamed yourself? Since time began, uncountable through the fingers and hands… Different people, season, and time, were wasted. This is no longer the first time I have blamed myself.
I was now staring at the picture given to me by Hanneul’s mom. A thanksgiving, she said, when I didn’t know what that thanksgiving was for. I just didn’t speak since it won’t help in any way. It’s better that I just silently gave my condolences.
The photo was taken two years ago. The picture of me and little Hanneul. In her dreams, she saw me with a long hair and beautiful lining in my lips. I want to think that I was not the woman in that photograph. That person was so different from me. Aside from the fact that my hair is now only at the shoulder level, my eyes will no longer be the same as before.
It only means that the past could no longer be brought back.
I flipped the picture, there’s a short note.
“Hi, unni! Thank you for being my friend. I hope to talk to you more. I’ll miss you J”
Goodbye, Hanneul. I’ll miss you too. Thanks for being my friend on that time when all of the people I expected to save me vanished. We’re both people with no one to lean on that time. Sorry because at the end, I still left you behind without giving you any notice. Sorry if I had just returned. Sorry because I only returned when it was already so late. Sorry, Hanneul.
I know my sorry couldn’t do anything. After all, a mere ‘sorry’ could not bring all back. Nothing would change. Even if I say that for millions of times.
“Jillianne, hija.” I heard Manang Fe’s voice. “We’re leaving.”
It’s time to go, Jill. It’s time to go… and to keep moving forward.
***
Everything was immediately back to normal. It was as if nothing took place. It’s because, the world doesn’t care to you, and it will still revolve. People still squeezed each other inside the train. The traffic worsened even. The roads were still busy. Life continues.
When I resumed schooling, everything was back to normal – the whispering and their deadly stares. Well, I’m back. Jillianne Morie is back, a freaking seer who could see your damn futures.
***
Lunch time came. Everyone entered their own worlds. I left my seat and went out. I went to the rooftop. And there they are.
“M-morie.” They chorused. They gaped when they saw me.
Eight. This might work out.
“First, I want to say sorry.” I said, still avoiding their gazes as I walked towards them.
“What ‘sorry’? We should be the one saying that because we didn’t manage to vis-“
“It’s fine, Baldo.” I faced Aya who was beside him. “Aya, thank you for everything.”
“H-ha? Are you okay, Morie? You just fell ill and now –“
“I know it’s weird. I’m sorry, okay. I just want…” I sighed. “…to eat lunch together with you all.”
Silence reigned. I thought they wouldn’t answer but I was actually wrong.
“Sure.” Penelope smiled.
“Tss… You worried me. Come.” Baldo just scratched the back of his head. Yue smiled at me. While Aya…
“KYAAAAHHHH!!!! EEESSS THHEEESSSS A DREAAAAAMMMMM!” She suddenly embraced me tightly. I don’t know but… My lips automatically curved up. I supposed that this is the first step…
I want to grant what Hanneul wished…
***
EESSSS THHEEESSS A DREAAAAMMMM! – Aya’s ‘Is this a dream?’ version. LOL.
Translated by: whosays25
/16/ Hanneul’s Wish
Some futures are unavoidable. Sometimes, things were not meant to be changed. There’s only one thing you can do; accept. We were forced to accept things no matter how good or bad they were. One example is accepting the cruelty of reality.
“Her condition worsened.”
There were many random errors in life, things that happened naturally and cannot be controlled by humans.
Hanneul’s time has to come. The time allotted for her to spend here in this world will be running out soon, and if only I could ask Him why. Why her? Why take already the life lent to this child whose full of innocent dreams? And I also want to ask…why me? Why does it have to be me who would see the fate of every people?
“Hija.” Someone tapped my shoulder. Head nurse Rosalia nodded at me, signalling me to come in.
“She’s been waiting for you, Jillianne.” Hanneul’s mom said to me while holding back her tears. I knew what will happen next. I took a deep breath first before I opened the door. I need to do this because there is no more time left. The future I saw two years ago…
“U-unni.” She’s looking fragile. I could see through her eyes, she’s tired. Her little body was still fighting and struggling against the pain. “Unni… A-any-eong.” It means ‘hello’ in Korea. She waved her hand, weakly.
“Hi.” I smiled. Her hair was completely gone. Beside her bed were huge apparatuses which she almost grew up with.
“Unni?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
I didn’t reply. I don’t know what’s feeling grateful for.
“Unni?” She called again.
“Hmm?” I approached her and sat next to her bedding.
“I dreamed last night.” Even though it was weak, the joy could still be hinted from her voice. “I saw you.”
“Really?” I insisted on showing enthusiasm.
“Remember when we first met here?” she said, then the things she wanted me to recall registered in my mind. “You had a long beautiful hair and you were always smiling.”
“Hanneul?”
“Yes, unni?”
I stared for a moment before I dropped those words…
“Please don’t go yet.” And there’s a long silence. I know what I said was senseless. Things would no longer change just for those words.
“Unni…” There’s no indication of sadness or fear from her face, “I’m sorry… It hurts so much… I’m going…” She gave a weak smile. So, she already knew. After struggling for so long, she chose this. No, she didn’t give up, she accepted the fact of dying. She accepted because there’s no more choice…and chance left. She’s been preparing herself for so long, to not be afraid of death. This is the path that Hanneul chose.
“Unni,” I sticked closer to her to hear what she will say…the last things she will say.
“Please bring back your smile.”
The things which happened next were unexpected. I remained on one corner while there was chaos inside the room. It was faster than lightning, it didn’t allow me to notice. I just learned that Head Nurse Rosalia pulled me out that place and tried to calm me through some words.
I was left standing. I thought the world was spinning and that everything was in a fast-forward. After some time, I saw the door opened. I heard her family’s mournful cries after the doctor gave the words,
“I’m sorry, but we did everything.”
Miracles. It’s just an option taken. I realized it’s not enough to just believe for a miracle to happen.
***
“Please bring back your smile.” That was Hanneul’s wish to me.
I remained standing at her side…while…not being able to do anything. I couldn’t help it but to just watch her…dying. It’s not really my fault that had happened, but I couldn’t help blaming myself.
Why Morie? How many times have you blamed yourself? Since time began, uncountable through the fingers and hands… Different people, season, and time, were wasted. This is no longer the first time I have blamed myself.
I was now staring at the picture given to me by Hanneul’s mom. A thanksgiving, she said, when I didn’t know what that thanksgiving was for. I just didn’t speak since it won’t help in any way. It’s better that I just silently gave my condolences.
The photo was taken two years ago. The picture of me and little Hanneul. In her dreams, she saw me with a long hair and beautiful lining in my lips. I want to think that I was not the woman in that photograph. That person was so different from me. Aside from the fact that my hair is now only at the shoulder level, my eyes will no longer be the same as before.
It only means that the past could no longer be brought back.
I flipped the picture, there’s a short note.
“Hi, unni! Thank you for being my friend. I hope to talk to you more. I’ll miss you J”
Goodbye, Hanneul. I’ll miss you too. Thanks for being my friend on that time when all of the people I expected to save me vanished. We’re both people with no one to lean on that time. Sorry because at the end, I still left you behind without giving you any notice. Sorry if I had just returned. Sorry because I only returned when it was already so late. Sorry, Hanneul.
I know my sorry couldn’t do anything. After all, a mere ‘sorry’ could not bring all back. Nothing would change. Even if I say that for millions of times.
“Jillianne, hija.” I heard Manang Fe’s voice. “We’re leaving.”
It’s time to go, Jill. It’s time to go… and to keep moving forward.
***
Everything was immediately back to normal. It was as if nothing took place. It’s because, the world doesn’t care to you, and it will still revolve. People still squeezed each other inside the train. The traffic worsened even. The roads were still busy. Life continues.
When I resumed schooling, everything was back to normal – the whispering and their deadly stares. Well, I’m back. Jillianne Morie is back, a freaking seer who could see your damn futures.
***
Lunch time came. Everyone entered their own worlds. I left my seat and went out. I went to the rooftop. And there they are.
“M-morie.” They chorused. They gaped when they saw me.
Eight. This might work out.
“First, I want to say sorry.” I said, still avoiding their gazes as I walked towards them.
“What ‘sorry’? We should be the one saying that because we didn’t manage to vis-“
“It’s fine, Baldo.” I faced Aya who was beside him. “Aya, thank you for everything.”
“H-ha? Are you okay, Morie? You just fell ill and now –“
“I know it’s weird. I’m sorry, okay. I just want…” I sighed. “…to eat lunch together with you all.”
Silence reigned. I thought they wouldn’t answer but I was actually wrong.
“Sure.” Penelope smiled.
“Tss… You worried me. Come.” Baldo just scratched the back of his head. Yue smiled at me. While Aya…
“KYAAAAHHHH!!!! EEESSS THHEEESSSS A DREAAAAAMMMMM!” She suddenly embraced me tightly. I don’t know but… My lips automatically curved up. I supposed that this is the first step…
I want to grant what Hanneul wished…
***
EESSSS THHEEESSS A DREAAAAMMMM! – Aya’s ‘Is this a dream?’ version. LOL.
