Writer: AnakniRizal
Translator: whosays25
TL note: Sorry for the grammatical errors and wrong spellings.
/33/ Resolution
-Morie-
***”I think Aya suits you better than Mariah. It’s better because it’s the same as you, cute.”***
***”Wow, I must also give you a nickname, Lucille, umm… Aha! Lucy!”***
The place seems to be in a slow-mo. Penelope released my arm while I, I feel like I can only hear the slowly fading sounds of the ticking clock. They are scrambling and panicking for an unknown reason, no, in fear of the bomb that will explode.
“W-what do you mean, M-Miss Karen, I’m not lying!”
“I’m sorry.”
I didn’t expect things to reach this point. I also didn’t see Aya’s revelations coming. Those puzzles that still remained puzzling. The truth hidden by lies. There are some individuals shouting my name but I only stood frozen on my place. Truth or death? A stupidity.
3
2
1
….
Everything went black… In one blink, no one made even a tiny movement or sound. The silence that follows is deafening. I closed my eyes and memories rushed together, those past events whether heart-warming or not. I don’t know if I’m just being dramatic or what, is it always like this when you think that your end is near? I’m not certain. What I’m certain is I feel nothing… But…
“Jill!”
That voice…
“Jillianne!”
I opened my eyes.
“Look here, say hi!”
Not only me, even they focused their eyes on the screen which once again lit up… and played a video… from the past. All of us didn’t know how, when, why… Our fear disappeared, replaced by shock and surprise… Well, from the beginning there are questions waiting for answers.
“Cille, go back to the formation!”
“Later! Say hi first!” I didn’t expect that this memorabilia still exists. Lucille was the one holding the video camera and she was insisting to capture my figure close up while our block was rehearsing for the cheering competition. Different background noises could be heard but her voice won over them. “That’s Jill, she’s my best friend. She’s so beautiful, right? She’s also cool.” She was as if speaking to us. “What I really like about her is her free-will personality. Like ‘who cares?’. On the outside she looks so serious but inside, she’s very cute.” She shifted the camera’s direction. “And here is my second best friend, Morris. He doesn’t like being called by his first name, he said it’s smelly.”She giggled. “But I still want to call him in his first name. Hey, George! George!”
“Stop that. Come here and practice.”
“He’s being pissed off, haha.” She changed the view again, “And there’s… James! I always thought that his eyeglasses are pretty cool. I can’t say anything to him, he’s a great leader! Yoh, leader. Keep up the good work!” Ireneo’s smile was captured closely. A bell rang from the background. “Yey! Break time! Look! They are coming here. Thank goodness, Penelope helped me prepare the snacks. Hi, Pen!”But Penelope covered her face. “Don’t be shy, Pen! They’re here, oh! Hey, guys! How’s practice?”
“You’re a cheater. You’re not joining the practice.” It’s Morris. He tried to snatch the camera from her.
“Hey, don’t be an attention-seeker, George! Hi, guys! Say, hi!”
“Hi!” They all waved cheerfully…
“So, this is our class block B first year in junior high. So far, everything’s great. There are so many moments in our class. Look there, the duo, Cris and Roman,” The camera began to wobble because Tadeo and Baldo started to fight over the screen.
“Yoh, yoh! I’m Roman Tadeo, the most handsome creature in-“
“Your face, Tado! Hah, let’s see how Senji will deal with you!”
“It’s just a joke, men! ‘Cille, here’s Senji, okay?” She zoomed the camera to his face, to Tamaki. “Men! Come on, say hi!” But Tamaki only scratched his head. “Okay, please forgive Senji. After all, you know that he’s weak against you eh, — ouch! Baldy, your elbow hurt me!”
“If Senji hears you, you’d be dead.”
“Why, Cris?” She asked.
“Nothing! Nothing! Tadeo and I will leave. Haha!”
We’re stunned. Mixed emotions assaulted me. Sadness. Joy. Fear… There are still many questions in my mind. Why? Why is this happening? For what? I want to talk with Lucille… if only she’s alive… or even if it’s inside a dream or hallucination, can I still talk to her? Why have she left me like this? Why have she left us like this?
Morris managed to snatch the camera from her then he focused its lens to her so now we could see her angelic face, the face that we’ll surely never forget. “Hey, it’s me, Lucille! I’m so glad to be with everyone. There are only two years to go though before graduation. I hope we’ll stick together til the end. I will surely miss you all, bye bye!” She waved then the video ended. The lights of the common room came back and when I looked at them, they also haven’t come back to their senses. Even I didn’t know what to do because things became so awkward after all of those abnormal events. I thought everything had reached its conclusion but it’s actually not, because a part of the ceiling opened and then papers – wrong… photographs scattered and fell on the floor like confetti… I picked up one and if I’m not mistaken, it’s our previous class photo. I also saw them each holding a picture; the others are sitting down to gaze on those pictures.
“Those photographs belong to her.” All of us directed our eyes to where the voice came from. This time she no longer appeared on the screen but in front of us, standing alive at the doorway wearing her infamous blank expression and cold voice. She’s speaking in front of us as if nothing happened. “Sad to say, Mariah’s answer is incorrect. That’s why I needed to press this.” She also bowed to pick up one of those things that littered the floor. “Surprised? I did those to remind the things that you have long been forgotten.” She scanned the picture and continued talking, “I know your secrets. I know the truths but I should not be the one to disclose that. In life, we have so many questions to ask, and we, humans, are living to find the answers for those questions. There might be unanswered mysteries, but every question has a key. You only are not aware how and when to find that. There will always be a purpose.” She turned back, we thought she will be leaving but we’re wrong, she only stepped a few before pulling someone towards us, it’s Aya. “We’re just starting. To get all things clear, we’ll finish what we started. Go back to your seat.” Like faithful robots, we swiftly took our seat. She’s still pulling Aya until they took the center spot. “We’re – “
“It’s your entire fault!” Miss sentence was interrupted when Aya screamed. She tried to forcefully shake off Miss’ hand. The truth is, I’m actually more worried about her mental state. Instead being dominated by fury, I feel pity for her, even when she back-stabbed me, her friend. “It’s your fault!”
We were shocked when she suddenly threatened Miss Karen with a cutter. I, Baldo and the rest from our group stood up.
“Aya!” They shouted but she didn’t budge. In contrast, Miss Karen didn’t show fear or any trace of being frightened. She’s just looking at Aya.
“All of this will not happen if not for you!” Aya’s hand is shaking accompanied by her non-stop streaming tears. I can’t watch her anymore. She looked so helpless… and depressed… “Even you all couldn’t understand me!” She suddenly pointed the cutter’s edge to herself.
“Aya, please… Let go of that.” I said in my calmest way. However, it seems ineffective since she’s still holding it tightly. I’m now sure that this is not the first time she tried to take her own life. Knowing her past… a painful past… I’m sorry Aya. I was not aware previously of what you’ve been through.
“Let he be.” Said by Miss. “If that is what you want, Mariah, go ahead. Is that what you want to show them? Are two years not yet enough to hide them the truth, Mariah? Do you think that if you die, they will forgive you? Why do you think sinners live longer in this world?” She’s slowly approaching Aya, “Isn’t it to pay for what they have done?” Then she grabbed the cutter from her hand and dropped it on the floor. “They keep on living to correct their mistakes. I’m now giving you the chance not to correct yours, but for the betterment of everyone.”
“Aya,” I don’t know what should be said; “We are willing to listen. Please.” I wish it will work. She let out a sigh, from bowing, she started to lift up her head.
“Jill, sorry.” Sorrow. I can feel her. She finally faced us, with her all remaining strength she muttered, “All things that I said earlier… are true. You always see me everyday… always happy, laughing…jolly… as if I have nothing to worry about… but no one from you knows how many of this are on my wrists.” She raised her wrist. It’s not visible from afar but up close, there are traces of scars, “For so many times, I’ve tried committing suicide but I’m still alive, even now.” She forced a smile but the bitterness is still present from her face. “For all of the misfortunes I’ve been through – at school, from my classmates, even from my stepfather… They abused me and even now, it’s still etched here…” She pointed her heart, “Sorry, Jill, if I couldn’t stop myself from envying you and Morris. Yes, Morris you are right. I was the one who put that letter under her desk. I did that to take revenge against the you and Jill but it’s not being of my envy for the two of you.”
“Those two persons she trusted the most and treated as her best friends but didn’t stand up for her when she was feeling so low!” What she said earlier crossed my mind.
“…where were the two of you when Lucille was stucked in difficult situation? Do you know how hard it was for her to take all the problems for herself? You were not beside her when she needed you. Like me, she also experienced being abused but she didn’t tell me all of it. She was impregnated and she didn’t know what to do. That was when I became her friend. But she eventually disappeared… until I learned her death. That’s why I realized… Morris and you should be blamed. I thought that’s how I should seek justice for Lucille.”
Justice? Where’s the justice there? If so, then is this all the payment for my inadequacy as Lucille’s friend? Is this the pay? All of miseries I’m experiencing even now? I want to shout all of these but I lose the courage to do so… Maybe I was really wrong. Yeah, I was not there when Lucille needed me.
“Cille, is there a problem? You look pale today…” I remember asking her this… But why did she deny the truth? She only replied me a smile while saying, “This is nothing, Jill. I’m alright.” And then she turned back and left. I’m now regretting not going after her because I didn’t see the tears that spilled from her eyes.
“I h-have a question, Aya.” I tried hard to condition my voice but it seems, it will not be long until it cracks, “Why? Why did you still befriend me despite the anger you feel for me? Why, Aya!?”I’m feeling confused about this part, if from the start her attitudes and actions towards me are real, if we became friends for real.
She remained silent for a long while, “I wanted to be her, a lively type of person. But I know that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be her. Will you believe me if I said that I’m actually blaming myself for how things turned out? That I should be friends with all of you from the start? That I should not have let my emotions prevailed over me? That I should not have written that letter? I want to apologize to all of you…” She lowered her head while continuously sobbing.
No one spoke. Maybe because of so many twists of events and truths, their speech capability became disoriented. I hope when we returned at school, we can still talk and think after all of these happenings. I’m almost opening my mouth when someone spoke up first.
“My sin is heavier.” Automatically we turned our heads at his direction. We actually heard the voice right. “I am the one who got that letter under her desk. You’re not the only one who suffered, Martinez. Being the son of the PTA president, being special and being better than others, do you know how hard it is? I need to be perfect in everyone’s eyes! I can’t make any mistake!” This might be the first time we saw this kind of Ireneo. This is unlike his usual way of speaking where it’s almost like he’s looking up at himself. This might be the first and last time I will hear his sentiments. “I had no friends. I was just worried about how to get along with everyone… But she… Lucille… She did that. When I heard that she dies, I know it’s too late for me to tell my feelings for her… But I couldn’t forget her… I am too selfish…”
“The caste I built will never break. It is the commemoration of her existence, do you understand? That caste is the commemoration of Lucille.”
“…I’m sorry.”
Silence once again resumed in the four corners of the room. I only walked to the front while being followed by their stares. I picked up the cutter which Miss Karen had dropped on the floor. I hurriedly stepped towards his spot while readying the cutter’s blade.
“J-jill… What are you going to do?” Tadeo barred me but I only shook him off and continuously rushed to him. Even he froze on his place when I got in front of him. Though he’s taller than me, I strongly and forcefully gathered and pulled up his hair. Later on, the floor was littered by his hair which I cut in.
“Having no bangs, suits you better.” I said before leaving him. Now I have to go to Aya who was still lowering her head. I think she’s thinking that I will hurt her. But for me, Aya is one of the reasons I fulfilled Hanneul’s request to me. She’s one of my reasons to smile again. For all of the things which I experience… painful or not, it all made who I am today. It’s the work of fate.
I hugged her.
“You’re really an idiot.” I whispered. She hugged me back and started crying like a baby.
Everything happens for a reason.
Maybe.
I released myself from her embrace. “You’re still my friend no matter what happen. I no longer want to see those things again. After all, no good will come out if I will let emotions take over me.” I chose this way to mend everything. Even if the slap I received from the truth is very painful, I judged that this is what is better for the majority.
“I a-also want to say something.” We stared at the one who spoke, to Stephen. “James,” He approached Ireneo, “I want to say sorry for leaving you before. Sorry because… I didn’t help you when those students beat you up. Sorry because I ran away due to fear. I’m a coward. I didn’t protect you. I feel ashamed to Lucille… because that day, she reminded me to follow you. She said… that you will be troubled… It became true… but I only ran away. Sorry. If I only didn’t leave you hanging in the air, we should still be friend now. Sorry, James.”
“Morie.” Tamaki called me. “I also apologized to you and Morris. Sorry, too.”
Not only Tamaki and Stephen, the rest copied them. They said so many things to me and Morris. No. Not only to the two of us… but to each and everyone. To their classmates. If earlier, no one is saying anything, now the room is filled with ‘sorry’. It seems endless. Weird, like a domino effect. “To change your hearts…” Is this what Miss Karen is talking about? If so then she accomplished her goal. Even though I’ve yet to fathom everything, at least my questions have their keys now. And I’m now assure of one thing. The caste is no more. The class might no longer be the same as before, at least it will be fine now. Her death finally received its closure. Stephen, Baldo and Penelope joined Aya and I and they also said something similar to my words.
But wait…
“She committed suicide.”
“It’s a lie.”
I turned to Miss Karen but she’s already leaving the common room. I ran towards and called her, “Miss Karen,” She paused and turned her head. “You said that Aya’s last answer was wrong. If so… what caused Lucille’s death?”
“She died because of an illness.”
“W-what is that?” I asked.
“I can’t answer that.”
“Why did you do all of these?”
“I just did his favor.” She’s not looking at me but at the one behind me. When I looked back, I saw Morris who actually followed me outside.
“Favor?” With a furrowed brow I ask, my eyes are darting to her and Morris.
“I was the one who asked this favor to Miss, Jill. I wished to fix our class.” Morris said. “This is why Mariah suspected me and Miss because she always found us conversing with each other.”
“I didn’t do this all only for you. All of this is for the benefit of everyone, like what Lucille asked me before.” Miss chimed in.
“Wait.” I interrupted. “I’m confused. What is the real connection between you and Lucille? How did you know her? How did you know everything about our class?” I saw Miss exchanging glances with Morris. I feel that there’s something I don’t know but I should be aware of. They nodded at each other before Miss Karen faced me and said…
“It’s time for you to know.”
Writer: AnakniRizal
Translator: whosays25
TL note: Sorry for the grammatical errors and wrong spellings.
/33/ Resolution
-Morie-
***”I think Aya suits you better than Mariah. It’s better because it’s the same as you, cute.”***
***”Wow, I must also give you a nickname, Lucille, umm… Aha! Lucy!”***
The place seems to be in a slow-mo. Penelope released my arm while I, I feel like I can only hear the slowly fading sounds of the ticking clock. They are scrambling and panicking for an unknown reason, no, in fear of the bomb that will explode.
“W-what do you mean, M-Miss Karen, I’m not lying!”
“I’m sorry.”
I didn’t expect things to reach this point. I also didn’t see Aya’s revelations coming. Those puzzles that still remained puzzling. The truth hidden by lies. There are some individuals shouting my name but I only stood frozen on my place. Truth or death? A stupidity.
3
2
1
….
Everything went black… In one blink, no one made even a tiny movement or sound. The silence that follows is deafening. I closed my eyes and memories rushed together, those past events whether heart-warming or not. I don’t know if I’m just being dramatic or what, is it always like this when you think that your end is near? I’m not certain. What I’m certain is I feel nothing… But…
“Jill!”
That voice…
“Jillianne!”
I opened my eyes.
“Look here, say hi!”
Not only me, even they focused their eyes on the screen which once again lit up… and played a video… from the past. All of us didn’t know how, when, why… Our fear disappeared, replaced by shock and surprise… Well, from the beginning there are questions waiting for answers.
“Cille, go back to the formation!”
“Later! Say hi first!” I didn’t expect that this memorabilia still exists. Lucille was the one holding the video camera and she was insisting to capture my figure close up while our block was rehearsing for the cheering competition. Different background noises could be heard but her voice won over them. “That’s Jill, she’s my best friend. She’s so beautiful, right? She’s also cool.” She was as if speaking to us. “What I really like about her is her free-will personality. Like ‘who cares?’. On the outside she looks so serious but inside, she’s very cute.” She shifted the camera’s direction. “And here is my second best friend, Morris. He doesn’t like being called by his first name, he said it’s smelly.”She giggled. “But I still want to call him in his first name. Hey, George! George!”
“Stop that. Come here and practice.”
“He’s being pissed off, haha.” She changed the view again, “And there’s… James! I always thought that his eyeglasses are pretty cool. I can’t say anything to him, he’s a great leader! Yoh, leader. Keep up the good work!” Ireneo’s smile was captured closely. A bell rang from the background. “Yey! Break time! Look! They are coming here. Thank goodness, Penelope helped me prepare the snacks. Hi, Pen!”But Penelope covered her face. “Don’t be shy, Pen! They’re here, oh! Hey, guys! How’s practice?”
“You’re a cheater. You’re not joining the practice.” It’s Morris. He tried to snatch the camera from her.
“Hey, don’t be an attention-seeker, George! Hi, guys! Say, hi!”
“Hi!” They all waved cheerfully…
“So, this is our class block B first year in junior high. So far, everything’s great. There are so many moments in our class. Look there, the duo, Cris and Roman,” The camera began to wobble because Tadeo and Baldo started to fight over the screen.
“Yoh, yoh! I’m Roman Tadeo, the most handsome creature in-“
“Your face, Tado! Hah, let’s see how Senji will deal with you!”
“It’s just a joke, men! ‘Cille, here’s Senji, okay?” She zoomed the camera to his face, to Tamaki. “Men! Come on, say hi!” But Tamaki only scratched his head. “Okay, please forgive Senji. After all, you know that he’s weak against you eh, — ouch! Baldy, your elbow hurt me!”
“If Senji hears you, you’d be dead.”
“Why, Cris?” She asked.
“Nothing! Nothing! Tadeo and I will leave. Haha!”
We’re stunned. Mixed emotions assaulted me. Sadness. Joy. Fear… There are still many questions in my mind. Why? Why is this happening? For what? I want to talk with Lucille… if only she’s alive… or even if it’s inside a dream or hallucination, can I still talk to her? Why have she left me like this? Why have she left us like this?
Morris managed to snatch the camera from her then he focused its lens to her so now we could see her angelic face, the face that we’ll surely never forget. “Hey, it’s me, Lucille! I’m so glad to be with everyone. There are only two years to go though before graduation. I hope we’ll stick together til the end. I will surely miss you all, bye bye!” She waved then the video ended. The lights of the common room came back and when I looked at them, they also haven’t come back to their senses. Even I didn’t know what to do because things became so awkward after all of those abnormal events. I thought everything had reached its conclusion but it’s actually not, because a part of the ceiling opened and then papers – wrong… photographs scattered and fell on the floor like confetti… I picked up one and if I’m not mistaken, it’s our previous class photo. I also saw them each holding a picture; the others are sitting down to gaze on those pictures.
“Those photographs belong to her.” All of us directed our eyes to where the voice came from. This time she no longer appeared on the screen but in front of us, standing alive at the doorway wearing her infamous blank expression and cold voice. She’s speaking in front of us as if nothing happened. “Sad to say, Mariah’s answer is incorrect. That’s why I needed to press this.” She also bowed to pick up one of those things that littered the floor. “Surprised? I did those to remind the things that you have long been forgotten.” She scanned the picture and continued talking, “I know your secrets. I know the truths but I should not be the one to disclose that. In life, we have so many questions to ask, and we, humans, are living to find the answers for those questions. There might be unanswered mysteries, but every question has a key. You only are not aware how and when to find that. There will always be a purpose.” She turned back, we thought she will be leaving but we’re wrong, she only stepped a few before pulling someone towards us, it’s Aya. “We’re just starting. To get all things clear, we’ll finish what we started. Go back to your seat.” Like faithful robots, we swiftly took our seat. She’s still pulling Aya until they took the center spot. “We’re – “
“It’s your entire fault!” Miss sentence was interrupted when Aya screamed. She tried to forcefully shake off Miss’ hand. The truth is, I’m actually more worried about her mental state. Instead being dominated by fury, I feel pity for her, even when she back-stabbed me, her friend. “It’s your fault!”
We were shocked when she suddenly threatened Miss Karen with a cutter. I, Baldo and the rest from our group stood up.
“Aya!” They shouted but she didn’t budge. In contrast, Miss Karen didn’t show fear or any trace of being frightened. She’s just looking at Aya.
“All of this will not happen if not for you!” Aya’s hand is shaking accompanied by her non-stop streaming tears. I can’t watch her anymore. She looked so helpless… and depressed… “Even you all couldn’t understand me!” She suddenly pointed the cutter’s edge to herself.
“Aya, please… Let go of that.” I said in my calmest way. However, it seems ineffective since she’s still holding it tightly. I’m now sure that this is not the first time she tried to take her own life. Knowing her past… a painful past… I’m sorry Aya. I was not aware previously of what you’ve been through.
“Let he be.” Said by Miss. “If that is what you want, Mariah, go ahead. Is that what you want to show them? Are two years not yet enough to hide them the truth, Mariah? Do you think that if you die, they will forgive you? Why do you think sinners live longer in this world?” She’s slowly approaching Aya, “Isn’t it to pay for what they have done?” Then she grabbed the cutter from her hand and dropped it on the floor. “They keep on living to correct their mistakes. I’m now giving you the chance not to correct yours, but for the betterment of everyone.”
“Aya,” I don’t know what should be said; “We are willing to listen. Please.” I wish it will work. She let out a sigh, from bowing, she started to lift up her head.
“Jill, sorry.” Sorrow. I can feel her. She finally faced us, with her all remaining strength she muttered, “All things that I said earlier… are true. You always see me everyday… always happy, laughing…jolly… as if I have nothing to worry about… but no one from you knows how many of this are on my wrists.” She raised her wrist. It’s not visible from afar but up close, there are traces of scars, “For so many times, I’ve tried committing suicide but I’m still alive, even now.” She forced a smile but the bitterness is still present from her face. “For all of the misfortunes I’ve been through – at school, from my classmates, even from my stepfather… They abused me and even now, it’s still etched here…” She pointed her heart, “Sorry, Jill, if I couldn’t stop myself from envying you and Morris. Yes, Morris you are right. I was the one who put that letter under her desk. I did that to take revenge against the you and Jill but it’s not being of my envy for the two of you.”
“Those two persons she trusted the most and treated as her best friends but didn’t stand up for her when she was feeling so low!” What she said earlier crossed my mind.
“…where were the two of you when Lucille was stucked in difficult situation? Do you know how hard it was for her to take all the problems for herself? You were not beside her when she needed you. Like me, she also experienced being abused but she didn’t tell me all of it. She was impregnated and she didn’t know what to do. That was when I became her friend. But she eventually disappeared… until I learned her death. That’s why I realized… Morris and you should be blamed. I thought that’s how I should seek justice for Lucille.”
Justice? Where’s the justice there? If so, then is this all the payment for my inadequacy as Lucille’s friend? Is this the pay? All of miseries I’m experiencing even now? I want to shout all of these but I lose the courage to do so… Maybe I was really wrong. Yeah, I was not there when Lucille needed me.
“Cille, is there a problem? You look pale today…” I remember asking her this… But why did she deny the truth? She only replied me a smile while saying, “This is nothing, Jill. I’m alright.” And then she turned back and left. I’m now regretting not going after her because I didn’t see the tears that spilled from her eyes.
“I h-have a question, Aya.” I tried hard to condition my voice but it seems, it will not be long until it cracks, “Why? Why did you still befriend me despite the anger you feel for me? Why, Aya!?”I’m feeling confused about this part, if from the start her attitudes and actions towards me are real, if we became friends for real.
She remained silent for a long while, “I wanted to be her, a lively type of person. But I know that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be her. Will you believe me if I said that I’m actually blaming myself for how things turned out? That I should be friends with all of you from the start? That I should not have let my emotions prevailed over me? That I should not have written that letter? I want to apologize to all of you…” She lowered her head while continuously sobbing.
No one spoke. Maybe because of so many twists of events and truths, their speech capability became disoriented. I hope when we returned at school, we can still talk and think after all of these happenings. I’m almost opening my mouth when someone spoke up first.
“My sin is heavier.” Automatically we turned our heads at his direction. We actually heard the voice right. “I am the one who got that letter under her desk. You’re not the only one who suffered, Martinez. Being the son of the PTA president, being special and being better than others, do you know how hard it is? I need to be perfect in everyone’s eyes! I can’t make any mistake!” This might be the first time we saw this kind of Ireneo. This is unlike his usual way of speaking where it’s almost like he’s looking up at himself. This might be the first and last time I will hear his sentiments. “I had no friends. I was just worried about how to get along with everyone… But she… Lucille… She did that. When I heard that she dies, I know it’s too late for me to tell my feelings for her… But I couldn’t forget her… I am too selfish…”
“The caste I built will never break. It is the commemoration of her existence, do you understand? That caste is the commemoration of Lucille.”
“…I’m sorry.”
Silence once again resumed in the four corners of the room. I only walked to the front while being followed by their stares. I picked up the cutter which Miss Karen had dropped on the floor. I hurriedly stepped towards his spot while readying the cutter’s blade.
“J-jill… What are you going to do?” Tadeo barred me but I only shook him off and continuously rushed to him. Even he froze on his place when I got in front of him. Though he’s taller than me, I strongly and forcefully gathered and pulled up his hair. Later on, the floor was littered by his hair which I cut in.
“Having no bangs, suits you better.” I said before leaving him. Now I have to go to Aya who was still lowering her head. I think she’s thinking that I will hurt her. But for me, Aya is one of the reasons I fulfilled Hanneul’s request to me. She’s one of my reasons to smile again. For all of the things which I experience… painful or not, it all made who I am today. It’s the work of fate.
I hugged her.
“You’re really an idiot.” I whispered. She hugged me back and started crying like a baby.
Everything happens for a reason.
Maybe.
I released myself from her embrace. “You’re still my friend no matter what happen. I no longer want to see those things again. After all, no good will come out if I will let emotions take over me.” I chose this way to mend everything. Even if the slap I received from the truth is very painful, I judged that this is what is better for the majority.
“I a-also want to say something.” We stared at the one who spoke, to Stephen. “James,” He approached Ireneo, “I want to say sorry for leaving you before. Sorry because… I didn’t help you when those students beat you up. Sorry because I ran away due to fear. I’m a coward. I didn’t protect you. I feel ashamed to Lucille… because that day, she reminded me to follow you. She said… that you will be troubled… It became true… but I only ran away. Sorry. If I only didn’t leave you hanging in the air, we should still be friend now. Sorry, James.”
“Morie.” Tamaki called me. “I also apologized to you and Morris. Sorry, too.”
Not only Tamaki and Stephen, the rest copied them. They said so many things to me and Morris. No. Not only to the two of us… but to each and everyone. To their classmates. If earlier, no one is saying anything, now the room is filled with ‘sorry’. It seems endless. Weird, like a domino effect. “To change your hearts…” Is this what Miss Karen is talking about? If so then she accomplished her goal. Even though I’ve yet to fathom everything, at least my questions have their keys now. And I’m now assure of one thing. The caste is no more. The class might no longer be the same as before, at least it will be fine now. Her death finally received its closure. Stephen, Baldo and Penelope joined Aya and I and they also said something similar to my words.
But wait…
“She committed suicide.”
“It’s a lie.”
I turned to Miss Karen but she’s already leaving the common room. I ran towards and called her, “Miss Karen,” She paused and turned her head. “You said that Aya’s last answer was wrong. If so… what caused Lucille’s death?”
“She died because of an illness.”
“W-what is that?” I asked.
“I can’t answer that.”
“Why did you do all of these?”
“I just did his favor.” She’s not looking at me but at the one behind me. When I looked back, I saw Morris who actually followed me outside.
“Favor?” With a furrowed brow I ask, my eyes are darting to her and Morris.
“I was the one who asked this favor to Miss, Jill. I wished to fix our class.” Morris said. “This is why Mariah suspected me and Miss because she always found us conversing with each other.”
“I didn’t do this all only for you. All of this is for the benefit of everyone, like what Lucille asked me before.” Miss chimed in.
“Wait.” I interrupted. “I’m confused. What is the real connection between you and Lucille? How did you know her? How did you know everything about our class?” I saw Miss exchanging glances with Morris. I feel that there’s something I don’t know but I should be aware of. They nodded at each other before Miss Karen faced me and said…
“It’s time for you to know.”
