Chapter 47
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Zi Jue didn't protest to her choice. Instead he assisted her as they queue up in front of the ferris wheel ride. Yan Qing Shan felt stifled because despite still being gentle, his silence was unnerving. She felt the atmosphere turn from awkward to cold real quick. Was her first date destined to end in a calamity?
They sat quietly in the cabin as it slowly rotated its way up. Yan Qing Shan looked out from the trasparent glass windows taking in the beautiful skyline. The ferris wheel ride at night lived up to its reputation.
"Shan Er, do you think I'm very lame?"
Zi Jue's question pulled her out from her reverie. She looked at him and tilted her head in confusion. Lame? Was he lame? Right now, yes. He's being a very lame boyfriend. He could be more proactive and live up to his reputation. Yan Qing Shan wasn't the type to lie and she figured Zi Jue would appreciate her not making excuses for him.
"Right now, yes. I may be cluess of what a relationship is like. But I am aware that at this time, in this romantic atmosphere, you should really be making your move and quit being awkward. It's not like you."
She replied matter-of-factly as she gazed directly in his eyes. He sighed and turned to her apologetic and somehow...embarrassed. However, there was also another emotion in his eyes that she couldn't explain.
"The truth is baby girl, I would have made my move on you multiple times now. Don't get it wrong. This is all new to me, as well. Still, I'm not that ignorant. I am just...just holding back. I may embrace you and kiss you on the forehead. It's not enough, though. It never was. Even now, I am sorely tempted to kiss you senseless even now."
He paused for a second and exhaled sorrowfully.
"Except, I haven't forgiven myself for that night. Even if you have, I don't think I ever will. Somehow, I feel I do not have the right to that privilege. I feel that kissing you now would drive me crazy with need. It's not a feeling. I really would go crazy. A crazed me, Yan Qing Shan, would yearn for more, would ask for more. I'm scared that I will drive you away with my actions and leave me for good. I can't take that and I can't take the possibility of hurting you again. I'm terrified, Shan Er. Terrified of what I'm capable of doing just to keep you. I can't mess up now. I'm at a loss here, wife."
Zi Jue said solemnly, his eyes downcast and ashamed. He ran his hand on his hair frustratedly and blocked her from seeing his current state. Yan Qing Shan gaped at him, stunned. Is this the reason why he was so reluctant the whole time, why he wasn't his confident self?
Humans were truly a bunch of curious creatures. Their complex emotions and internal turmoils render even a powerful man such as the one in front of her to have deep-seated insecurities. It seems she has taken his complexity too lightly.
In a way, Yan Qing Shan is also baffled at this kind of Zi Jue in front her. She couldn't help but think of the past. The times that he had hurt her, was it also because of this insecurity?
She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. This person who was hailed as the perfect man, is here with her catering to her whim of riding a ferris wheel, baring his raw self and exposing his weakness. If his enemies saw him right now, it would spell his destruction. And yet, he still lowered down his guard because she was displeased.
There never was a perfect person. Even her, with all her brains and capabilities. Both of them were merely humans navigating in this treacherous world. They both have their own undeniable faults. Hers was her apathy. And this was his. At this time, they were just two imperfect people trying to make this work.
Anyone who would find out about their past, about the things she had been through under his hands back then would surely tell her to leave him. To get back at him for all his sins against her.
However, change is the only constant thing is this world. And this man in front of her wasn't the same man he was back then. She wasn't the same. She had been given a new life, a chance to start over. It was just right to give that same opportunity of a new beginning to him.
Not everyone deserves a second chance, Yan Qing Shan knew that.
But if she doesn't take a gamble, how would she know that he didn't deserve it?
Yan Qing Shan drew nearer to him. She cradled his face gently in her hands. With a firm resolve in her heart, she clumsily closed the distance between their lips.
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Zi Jue didn't protest to her choice. Instead he assisted her as they queue up in front of the ferris wheel ride. Yan Qing Shan felt stifled because despite still being gentle, his silence was unnerving. She felt the atmosphere turn from awkward to cold real quick. Was her first date destined to end in a calamity?
They sat quietly in the cabin as it slowly rotated its way up. Yan Qing Shan looked out from the trasparent glass windows taking in the beautiful skyline. The ferris wheel ride at night lived up to its reputation.
"Shan Er, do you think I'm very lame?"
Zi Jue's question pulled her out from her reverie. She looked at him and tilted her head in confusion. Lame? Was he lame? Right now, yes. He's being a very lame boyfriend. He could be more proactive and live up to his reputation. Yan Qing Shan wasn't the type to lie and she figured Zi Jue would appreciate her not making excuses for him.
"Right now, yes. I may be cluess of what a relationship is like. But I am aware that at this time, in this romantic atmosphere, you should really be making your move and quit being awkward. It's not like you."
She replied matter-of-factly as she gazed directly in his eyes. He sighed and turned to her apologetic and somehow...embarrassed. However, there was also another emotion in his eyes that she couldn't explain.
"The truth is baby girl, I would have made my move on you multiple times now. Don't get it wrong. This is all new to me, as well. Still, I'm not that ignorant. I am just...just holding back. I may embrace you and kiss you on the forehead. It's not enough, though. It never was. Even now, I am sorely tempted to kiss you senseless even now."
He paused for a second and exhaled sorrowfully.
"Except, I haven't forgiven myself for that night. Even if you have, I don't think I ever will. Somehow, I feel I do not have the right to that privilege. I feel that kissing you now would drive me crazy with need. It's not a feeling. I really would go crazy. A crazed me, Yan Qing Shan, would yearn for more, would ask for more. I'm scared that I will drive you away with my actions and leave me for good. I can't take that and I can't take the possibility of hurting you again. I'm terrified, Shan Er. Terrified of what I'm capable of doing just to keep you. I can't mess up now. I'm at a loss here, wife."
Zi Jue said solemnly, his eyes downcast and ashamed. He ran his hand on his hair frustratedly and blocked her from seeing his current state. Yan Qing Shan gaped at him, stunned. Is this the reason why he was so reluctant the whole time, why he wasn't his confident self?
Humans were truly a bunch of curious creatures. Their complex emotions and internal turmoils render even a powerful man such as the one in front of her to have deep-seated insecurities. It seems she has taken his complexity too lightly.
In a way, Yan Qing Shan is also baffled at this kind of Zi Jue in front her. She couldn't help but think of the past. The times that he had hurt her, was it also because of this insecurity?
She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. This person who was hailed as the perfect man, is here with her catering to her whim of riding a ferris wheel, baring his raw self and exposing his weakness. If his enemies saw him right now, it would spell his destruction. And yet, he still lowered down his guard because she was displeased.
There never was a perfect person. Even her, with all her brains and capabilities. Both of them were merely humans navigating in this treacherous world. They both have their own undeniable faults. Hers was her apathy. And this was his. At this time, they were just two imperfect people trying to make this work.
Anyone who would find out about their past, about the things she had been through under his hands back then would surely tell her to leave him. To get back at him for all his sins against her.
However, change is the only constant thing is this world. And this man in front of her wasn't the same man he was back then. She wasn't the same. She had been given a new life, a chance to start over. It was just right to give that same opportunity of a new beginning to him.
Not everyone deserves a second chance, Yan Qing Shan knew that.
But if she doesn't take a gamble, how would she know that he didn't deserve it?
Yan Qing Shan drew nearer to him. She cradled his face gently in her hands. With a firm resolve in her heart, she clumsily closed the distance between their lips.
Zi Jue didn't protest to her choice. Instead he assisted her as they queue up in front of the ferris wheel ride. Yan Qing Shan felt stifled because despite still being gentle, his silence was unnerving. She felt the atmosphere turn from awkward to cold real quick. Was her first date destined to end in a calamity? They sat quietly in the cabin as it slowly rotated its way up. Yan Qing Shan looked out from the trasparent glass windows taking in the beautiful skyline. The ferris wheel ride at night lived up to its reputation. "Shan Er, do you think I'm very lame?" Zi Jue's question pulled her out from her reverie. She looked at him and tilted her head in confusion. Lame? Was he lame? Right now, yes. He's being a very lame boyfriend. He could be more proactive and live up to his reputation. Yan Qing Shan wasn't the type to lie and she figured Zi Jue would appreciate her not making excuses for him. "Right now, yes. I may be cluess of what a relationship is like. But I am aware that at this time, in this romantic atmosphere, you should really be making your move and quit being awkward. It's not like you." She replied matter-of-factly as she gazed directly in his eyes. He sighed and turned to her apologetic and somehow...embarrassed. However, there was also another emotion in his eyes that she couldn't explain. "The truth is baby girl, I would have made my move on you multiple times now. Don't get it wrong. This is all new to me, as well. Still, I'm not that ignorant. I am just...just holding back. I may embrace you and kiss you on the forehead. It's not enough, though. It never was. Even now, I am sorely tempted to kiss you senseless even now." He paused for a second and exhaled sorrowfully. "Except, I haven't forgiven myself for that night. Even if you have, I don't think I ever will. Somehow, I feel I do not have the right to that privilege. I feel that kissing you now would drive me crazy with need. It's not a feeling. I really would go crazy. A crazed me, Yan Qing Shan, would yearn for more, would ask for more. I'm scared that I will drive you away with my actions and leave me for good. I can't take that and I can't take the possibility of hurting you again. I'm terrified, Shan Er. Terrified of what I'm capable of doing just to keep you. I can't mess up now. I'm at a loss here, wife." Zi Jue said solemnly, his eyes downcast and ashamed. He ran his hand on his hair frustratedly and blocked her from seeing his current state. Yan Qing Shan gaped at him, stunned. Is this the reason why he was so reluctant the whole time, why he wasn't his confident self? Humans were truly a bunch of curious creatures. Their complex emotions and internal turmoils render even a powerful man such as the one in front of her to have deep-seated insecurities. It seems she has taken his complexity too lightly. In a way, Yan Qing Shan is also baffled at this kind of Zi Jue in front her. She couldn't help but think of the past. The times that he had hurt her, was it also because of this insecurity? She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. This person who was hailed as the perfect man, is here with her catering to her whim of riding a ferris wheel, baring his raw self and exposing his weakness. If his enemies saw him right now, it would spell his destruction. And yet, he still lowered down his guard because she was displeased. There never was a perfect person. Even her, with all her brains and capabilities. Both of them were merely humans navigating in this treacherous world. They both have their own undeniable faults. Hers was her apathy. And this was his. At this time, they were just two imperfect people trying to make this work. Anyone who would find out about their past, about the things she had been through under his hands back then would surely tell her to leave him. To get back at him for all his sins against her. However, change is the only constant thing is this world. And this man in front of her wasn't the same man he was back then. She wasn't the same. She had been given a new life, a chance to start over. It was just right to give that same opportunity of a new beginning to him. Not everyone deserves a second chance, Yan Qing Shan knew that. But if she doesn't take a gamble, how would she know that he didn't deserve it? Yan Qing Shan drew nearer to him. She cradled his face gently in her hands. With a firm resolve in her heart, she clumsily closed the distance between their lips.
